


The Guest

by NaughtyNeganJDM



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Cheating, Dirty Talk, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Inappropriate Behavior, Loss of Virginity, Negan (Walking Dead) Swears, Negan - Freeform, Negan Being Negan (Walking Dead), Older Man/Younger Woman, Oral Sex, Possessive Negan (Walking Dead), Smut, Swearing, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2020-09-23 03:24:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 198,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20333263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaughtyNeganJDM/pseuds/NaughtyNeganJDM
Summary: Negan is a friend of the reader's (OC) father and comes to spend a few weeks with the family. It's the summer before going off to college and the reader finds herself caught up in a steamy relationship with Negan.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was another request that I was given a very long time ago. I wrote a lot of this a very long time ago, so that's just a pre-warning and this story is just going to be VERY smut driven. 
> 
> Small reminder, Y/N often means your name, but if you would rather the character have a different name this is where you would put it. Thanks again to anyone that reads it!

An emergency text was not something that Y/N was often used to from her parents. So when she was out with her friends and her mother sent her a text that they needed her help immediately, she quickly rushed home. Something like that meant it must have been pretty serious.

Quickly stepping inside of her home, she immediately heard the sounds of crashing upstairs and felt her heart rate quicken. Moving toward the stairs she followed the sounds and immediately thought the worst. Letting out a frustrated sound when she made it up the stairs, she saw that some of her personal items were lined up in the hallway stacked. It was an emergency her mother labeled this as.

Hearing a grunt, she looked down to the end of the hall where her entertainment room she had set up was and saw her father carrying some more of her things out of the room. When he had noticed her standing in the hallway confused, he let out an excited breath.

“What’s going on?” she followed her father to the room that was beside hers and she looked inside to see that the room was torn apart. Originally, it was just a room that her parents had thrown random things in. For years she had begged for an entertainment room for herself and when her parents told her she could do it if she cleaned everything out, she had quickly jumped on the idea over a year ago. It had taken her a while to get the room to what she had wanted so to see them tearing apart the room made her mad.

“Honey, so glad you’re home!” her father boasted before nodding back toward the room. “We need you to clean up the rest of your crap.”

“What are you guys doing? You’re kicking me out of my rooms already? I know I’m going to college after this summer, but I didn’t think you were this ready to get rid of me,” she huffed and her father chuckled from where he was as he continued to dig through a few things. She wanted to complain about this. About them tearing apart all she had put together, but she knew it would fall on deaf ears. That’s just the kind of people her parents were.

“Funny,” her mother snorted from where she was on the ground and Y/N turned to look at her. “Your dad has a friend that is coming over to spend a few weeks with us here. We just need to make sure everything is all set up in here before he gets here tomorrow. We don’t need all of your stuff in here. It has to be like the guest bedroom it was meant to be.”

“A few weeks?” Y/N repeated with a half laugh, looking at the room. There was a sense of disappointment at the sight of all that effort and all that time wasted. “I thought we’d be spending more time together as a family since this is my last summer before taking off to college. This friend of yours…”

“Honey, don’t start,” her mother interrupted before she could get upset any further with their decision. “It’s daddy’s friend Negan, you remember him, right?”

Y/N coughed. Negan? Negan was going to be staying with them for a few weeks? Living in the room next to hers?

“Negan?” Y/N repeated, feeling her cheeks blushing over at the thought of her father’s friend. “Vaguely.” She lied. 

Of course she remembered him. Negan was pretty damn unforgettable.

“You remember him,” her mother waved her hand dismissively when she continued to poke at things. “You’ve had a crush on him since the moment he chased down that guy dressed up as a monster at that amusement park for scaring you when you were little. Punched the guy if I remember correctly. You’ve been in love ever since.”

“Mom!” Y/N blurted out when her mother brought up her youth. That was a long time ago. She was eighteen now and that was when she was a child. It was a very long time ago. Her cheeks blushed over further at the thought of what her mother was saying.

A gulp filled the air when she thought about her father’s friend. She had been crushing on Negan for years. Negan would often come to visit for a night here or there, but just for dinner and that was really it. The last few years Negan had really awoken something in her. There was something in the way he would smile that could just make her toes curl. Every time his eyes would make contact with her, her heart would nearly pound out of her damn chest at the sight of him. Whenever Negan was around, he made parts of her tingle and it went to her very core. It was hard to hide how she felt every time he had come over for dinner. The idea that he would be living with them for a few weeks absolutely terrified her. How was she going to control how she felt for him? It made her nervous. Especially since he’d be in the room right next to hers. She really believed Negan to be the man to awaken her sexual desires inside of her. The dreams she had about that man, who was her father’s friend were downright just crude.

“Why is he going to be staying with his?” Y/N tried to inquire further, but her father simply laughed.

“It doesn’t matter why. He needed a place to be, I offered it…end of story. You’ll live without your entertainment room for now. Plus, you’re not going to be here to enjoy it anyways in a few months. So I think you’re going to be just fine,” he grunted before piling a few things up on the ground before him.

“Wow, okay. I’m glad my things just don’t matter anymore,” Y/N was slightly offended in the way her father was talking about her things. She was going to college at the end of the summer, not disappearing forever. After taking a lecture about being upset from her parents, she did what she was asked and cleaned everything up to the point that her parents asked of her.

While she was excited about the idea of seeing Negan, it still made her nervous at the same time and obviously her feelings were hurt about the way her parents acted toward this whole situation. Her parents told her that he would be showing up the next day later in the evening so it at least gave her time to prepare for that. She didn’t want to be acting like a fool around him. Not when she felt for him like she did. She wanted to look good. Show how much she had grown up and she wanted to make a good first impression.

In the morning when she had woken up, everything seemed really quiet. Too quiet for her parents. When anyone was visiting they would have already been up by now preparing everything and cleaning the rest of the house. She could only imagine what they were going to be like today before Negan arrived. Getting out of bed, she headed toward her bathroom that was at the end of the hallway. Hearing the sound of the shower running, she let out a frustrated sound and moved into the bathroom. She wanted to start getting cleaned up too, so she wasn’t going to wait to brush her teeth.

When she stepped inside, she felt the steam from the shower surrounding her and moved for the sink, “What? You guys decide to give Negan your room instead of my entertainment room? I mean, it’s a little late to decide that, don’t you think? I still don’t understand why we had to give up my space for Negan. I feel like you’re going overboard with this whole thing. I don’t ever understand why that guy has to be here for a few weeks anyways.” 

With no response, she huffed and bent down to spit out the toothpaste that was in her mouth after brushing her teeth. The sound of the shower turning off was heard and when she lifted up a gasp fell from her lips. Dropping her toothbrush, she could see in the reflection was Negan standing behind her. Turning to face him, she watched him fold his arms out in front of his wet chest when she looked him over. His tall body towered over hers. His wet hair was slicked back and his hazel eyes were on her already like a hawk.

“Negan,” she stammered, not sure of what to say. She was mortified that the man she had been thinking about all night was standing before her. He wasn’t supposed to be there. He was coming later, that’s what her parents told her at least. His jaw clenched, his right eyebrow perking up in a judgmental manner while she stood before him. Her heart was hammering inside of her chest and she felt her breath catch in the back of her throat at the sight of him. “I didn’t…”

Her eyes lowered and realization finally struck her. He was standing before her completely naked and another gasp fell from her throat. Quickly lifting her head, she tried to look away and heard the rumble of a growl that fell from Negan’s lips, “I am so sorry.”

“Don’t be. This asshole here is clearly taking up all of your space and shit,” Negan’s deep voice filled the bathroom and she felt a rush of panic flush through her veins. “Do you always come into the bathroom without knocking first? Is this something I’m going to have to get used to over the next few weeks?”

“No, I just…I thought you were going to be here later and…” she stammered, lowering her head enough to see that his dimples were sucked in and he seemed to be more so amused with her reaction than mad or irritated. Negan’s head tilted to the side and he looked her over before his tongue dragged out over his bottom lip in a seductive sweep. The motion caused her to shudder, but also caused her to be confused at the same time.

“My my…how you have grown,” Negan hummed to himself and a nervous sound fell from her lips before her eyes lowered down his arms that were folded in front of his chest. Her eyes lingered over his tattoos that covered his arms for a moment before her lust got the best of her. Gazing further down, her eyes fell upon his lean torso that led to the lines over his hips leading toward the dark curls of hair that that surrounded the base of his semi erect cock. “Do you like what you see?”

“I just…” she gulped heavily, lifting her gaze up to see Negan unfolding his arms to press his hands into his wet hair to slick it back. She felt all kinds of things at once. Excitement, fear, panic…anything you could think of all in that moment. Part of her wanted to believe this was some kind of sick dream she was having, but she knew better. This was real and she had a very naked Negan standing in front of her. “You being naked is kind of…kind of inappropriate isn’t it?”

“Well you are standing in front of my towel that I set out for myself. I didn’t think that someone would just up and walk the fuck right in,” Negan explained with a tisking sound and she felt a blush filling her face as Negan stepped in closer to her. She jumped and it seemed to amuse him more with his closeness to her. Negan reached out to grab a hold of the towel that was behind her and unfolded it to wipe his face off. His eyes never left hers and it was like he was trying to read her thoughts and know what she was thinking.

“That was an accident,” she insisted and Negan nodded, his hazel eyes staring out at her while he rubbed the towel over the wet planes of his body. He didn’t believe her. Clearly and she felt like she had to defend herself. “I swear my parents said that you were going to be here in the evening. I would have never walked in here if I would have known it was you in here.”

“Right…so you didn’t come in here just to see me naked,” Negan teased further, stepping in closer to her making the distance between them smaller. A breath caught in the back of her throat as she watched his cocky smile expand over his handsome features. The closeness of him brought attention to his wet chest and she couldn’t help herself from glancing down at his body again. “You never answered me by the way. Kinda rude.”

“About what?” she nervously responded as Negan stepped in closer to her. The personal space no longer existed between the two of them as the warmth of his body pressed in against hers. His tall, lean body towered over her and she felt her body trembling at the mere closeness of him. Negan had always teasingly flirted with her in the last year anytime he would come over the house, but she just assumed that was his personality. This, this was way more than anything she had ever experienced with him before. Negan’s finger slid in underneath her jaw to urge her to look up at him. He smirked, a big wolfish one. His breathing was heavy and his eyes focused on her lips for a moment before meeting her glance again. She was trembling and it was obvious.

“I asked if you liked what you saw,” Negan reminded her, leaning forward and whispering in her ear. The warmth of his breath etched over her ear and it caused her to let out a small whimper. Biting into her bottom lip, she felt Negan brushing her hair away from her neck and it caused her tremble against his touch. Negan’s thumb caressed in over the curve of her jaw while his warm breath still continued to tease over the side of her neck with a linger. “Did you like my cock? Since you were staring and all…”

“Negan,” she trembled before him feeling a warmth traveling straight to her core. Goosebumps developed over her body and her mouth was agape. “I don’t--I don’t know.”

“Didn’t get a long enough look? Shit, might as well take another while you still have the chance,” Negan laughed against her flesh noticing the way that he still had her trembling against his touch. His cocky laugh echoed through her ears and her eyes slammed shut. “Don’t want your parents to know what a little pervert you are…”

“My parents,” she gasped being broken from her thoughts and the moment. Going to quickly move out of the bathroom, Negan grabbed a tight hold of her and pushed her back against the counter where she was originally. She was panicking and he could see by the look on her face that the idea of her parents almost scared her away. “If they find me in here…with you…”

“They are out picking things up for breakfast right now at the store,” Negan hushed her, shaking his head before raising his right hand up to press his finger in over her lips to silence her. “We’ve got time.”

Negan’s thumb traced in over her bottom lip, the corners of his mouth expanding into a wide smile again, “So how does my cock compare to the boys that you have seen? Huh? Did you get what you expected when you came in here to spy on me? Everything you ever pictured it to be?”

“Negan, I’ve never really…” she gazed down to take another involuntary look at his manhood. Wetting her lips, she could see that he was harder than before. His length was mighty close to her thigh and she didn’t know how to respond. Negan was awfully close to her and he was still pressing his limits even further. Negan’s nose nestled against the side of her neck and she shuddered against him. “I haven’t really…”

“Haven’t really?” he hummed against the side of her neck, his bottom lip skimming over her flesh with how close he was when he whispered the words.

“I’ve only really seen one in the films if you…get what I’m saying,” she truthfully answered hearing Negan’s laugh fill the air and she suddenly felt embarrassed.

“And you’re eighteen?” Negan confirmed, tipping his head back to look her over with intrigue when she nodded. Another snort fell from him and he bit into his bottom lip. Now she felt stupid for even being honest with him. What the hell was she thinking? “And you’ve seriously never done anything sexual? You’ve never seen a penis in person?”

“No, I’m just telling you that because it’s makes me look cool,” she huffed by his reaction, watching Negan’s thick eyebrows bounce up in intrigue after she rolled her eyes. He was making her feel pathetic and the more he laughed, the more she wanted to leave. Attempting to side step, she felt him shove her back again against the counter and she whined. “I said it because everyone clearly thinks highly of you when they know you aren’t a slut. I get it. I’m a loser.”

“I never fucking said that,” Negan assured her, reaching up to grab a soft hold of her jaw. He shook his head and licked over his lips again. “I’m just amazed. People like you are a rarity in this world. I’m amazed, not calling you a loser.”

There was a silence that filled the air and Negan looked down. She did the same and when they both looked back up toward each other, she could see him bouncing his eyebrow in a suggestive manner.

“Do you want to touch it?” Negan offered catching the way that her face turned pale with the suggestion. “You’re going off to college right? You want to touch it? Get you prepared for what you are about to get yourself into? See how it compares to the average boy your age?”

“It’s…big,” she blurted out and Negan let out a thick laugh, reaching out to curl his finger underneath her chin to urge her to look back up at him again.

“Thank you,” Negan winked, reaching up to cup his hands over her face. “Do you want to touch it? See how big it gets when it’s completely fucking hard. Look at how hard it has gotten already. Just with this playful banter between the two of us. He’d like to be touched by you. I guarantee it.”

She tried to say something and Negan shook his head to silence her, “You’re thinking too much. Just go ahead. Do it. Wrap your palm around it and give it a firm tug. It’s fun…”

“Negan…I don’t think,” she began, hearing the sound of Negan’s thick laughter fill the air as he nonchalantly stepped away from her and moved toward the mirror. Negan wrapped his towel around his waist and hooked it together tightly as she stayed where she was. Her legs were like Jell-O while she watched him get ready. It was like a switch. Negan was hardcore flirting with her and urging her to touch his dick and in a matter of seconds was perfectly fine and acting like nothing had happened at all.

“I was just fucking with you kid. I will be out of here in a minute,” Negan simply muttered making an angered sound fall from her lips when she realized that he was just screwing with her.

“I’m not a kid,” she corrected him and Negan looked to her with an over exaggerated expression before reaching for something from his bag he had in the bathroom. There were so many things she wanted to say to him right now, but instead she decided to move onto what was really on her mind. “Would you mind not telling my parents about me walking in on you…?”

“I won’t tell if you don’t,” Negan winked, looking back at her with an amused expression. The sound of the front door opening downstairs was heard as Negan whistled something to himself. Her heart was still hammering inside of her chest as Negan grabbed his things. Negan gave her a once over and an amused smirk pressed in over his lips when he looked at the cartoon design on her pajamas. “Nice jammies by the way.”

An embarrassed breath fell from her lips when she tugged at the material knowing that she wore those pajamas because they were comfortable. Of course they weren’t sexy or anything of the sort, but his response clearly showed that he thought they were ridiculous. It was a tank top and silly pajama bottoms, but they were comfortable.

“I should probably head out. You might want to take a shower before you go down and see your parents. If you come down flushed and horny like you are right now I don’t think that would be good for you,” Negan winked, reaching behind him to smack her bottom firmly as he moved around her making her jump. 

Negan stopped at the door and looked back at her for a moment longer. He bit into his bottom lip and tilted his head to the side, “Seriously though, how wet is that virgin pussy of yours right now?”

“Negan!?” she gasped and heard his laugh fill the small room again.

“Hey, I’m only kidding,” he reached for handle and threw his head around in a dramatic flair. “Kind of.”

Negan gave her a final wink before leaving her in the bathroom alone. 

She was completely flustered and he knew that he had done that to her. Had Negan known that she had a thing for her him growing up? Or if he was just out to fuck with her since she was legal now? Either way she could tell that Negan living in her home was going to be trouble.

* * *

Standing in front of the tall mirror in her bedroom, Y/N pulled at the end of the sundress she was wearing while looking at herself. She thought it would be nice to wear something cute at least around Negan now that she had already made quite the impression. Letting out a frustrated sound, she left her bedroom and headed downstairs. Looking into the kitchen she saw her parents inside cooking, but Negan was nowhere to be found. Her mother made a comment to what she was wearing, but she was proud of it and how it looked. Walking around the first floor, she saw that the back door was open and moved closer to see Negan outside smoking while on the phone.

“I know what you said,” Negan grunted, pulling his cigarette from his lips. The movement caused him to release a long cloud of smoke from between his lips. Negan hissed and clearly the person on the other end of the line was not appealing to him. “I did what you asked! I left, didn’t I? Now you are questioning everything? I can’t do this right now.”

Negan looked back over his shoulder and when he saw her, she watched him tip his head to the side. She felt her heart hammer in her chest damning herself that he had caught her watching him, “We’ll talk later. I think we both need time to think about things.”

Negan hung up his call and wiggled his finger to motion her to come outside with him. Clearing her throat, she pushed the door aside and walked out with him seeing the way he folded his arms out in front of his chest after tossing the cigarette butt aside. He was giving her a very shaming look and she felt very reprimanded by his glare.

“Darlin’, were you just spying on me?” Negan questioned with a deep rumble and she quickly shook her head. “Now don’t bullshit a bullshitter….what did you hear?”

“Only the end, I swear,” she insisted with a nervous breath and Negan dropped his arms. They rested over his hips as he looked her over in a very long movement. “Listen, I just wanted to apologize to you for what happened. I should have never barged in and…”

“What are you apologizing for? Shit, it’s fine,” Negan lifted his gaze to make sure they were alone and he stepped forward, closing the distance between them. A sharp breath escaped her lips when he tipped his head down to look her over. “You put that dress on for me?”

“I just…” she felt his hand sliding in over the side of her body and settling in on her hip. “I shouldn’t have…”

“Gotten a look at what you’ve wanted to see for quite some time? I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at me lately. Do you know how many times I’ve caught you staring at my junk when I’ve stood from the table?” Negan clicked his tongue at the top of his mouth and he watched her eyes get big. Her cheeks flushed over with red and he shook his head slowly. “Don’t be embarrassed. I’m flattered really…”

“I swear…” she tried to defend herself, but the pad of his thumb covered her lips and he hushed her once more. A wide, crooked smile pressed in over his ruggedly handsome features and she felt goosebumps developing over her arms.

“No excuses…you’ve wanted to see it for quite some time and you got that shit done. Not a lot of people are brave enough for that shit. That kind of thing just tickles my balls at the thought,” Negan slurred and she felt her heart pounding inside of her chest. Negan looked over her shoulder again to make sure they were still alone and he lowered in closer to her. Her cheeks were flushed over and he hummed to himself. “Tell me, have you masturbated to the thought of me?”

“Negan…” she stammered not sure what to say. His hazel eyes were watching her closely and she felt a chill down the back of her spine.

“Or are you one of those virgins that are completely pure? Because there are those virgins that say they are a virgin, but everything imaginable has been shoved up there. How about you? Have you popped your own cherry or is that safely intact?” Negan grumbled low enough under his breath so only she could hear when he leaned in close to her to whisper. When she let out a shuddering exhale and looked up at him with innocent eyes, an amused laugh fell from his throat. “Fuck…I thought so. You’re pure. So no toys, huh?”

“I don’t know whether you are fucking with me or if you are flirting with me Negan,” she gulped and Negan leaned back enough to look her over. His tongue dragged out over his bottom lip again and his nose wrinkled.

“A little bit of both really,” Negan answered, dragging his thumb over her bottom lip. She let out a shudder when he tugged at the flesh softly before lifting his thumb up to suck at the pad of it. “I never realized how much fun it was going to be staying here.”

“This is inappropriate,” she heard the sound of dishes filling the air, but Negan still had her pulled close when she jumped. His thick eyebrows raised and she felt his hands sliding down over her hips again. His fingertips slid down to the hem at the bottom of the dress she was wearing. His fingertips balled the material in his fingers and he hummed to himself.

“You never told me if you put this on for me…” Negan reminded her, pulling her in closer to him again and she gasped. “What kind of panties do you have on for me?”

“I really…” she felt his rough palm sliding in over the flesh at the back of her thighs and she trembled. She knew that she wasn’t being smooth, but truth be told she liked the attention she was getting from him. Her hand reached up to press in over the center of his chest and she saw the amusement press in over his features. “If my parents hear you talking like this…” 

“We’re not gonna let that happen,” he grunted, pulling the dress further up her hips. His large hands flattened out over the area right below her buttocks and she whimpered at the sensation. Negan squeezed and palmed at the flesh before grabbing firmly at her bottom. “Oh sweetheart…you are so fucking fresh.”

Negan slid in closer to her and he swept her hair away from her ear. His lips descended over her earlobe and he growled when he grabbed a firm hold of her bottom, “Tell me darlin’, do you want me to be the one to pop that cherry of yours?”

“I….” she breathed out, leaning back enough to see that his eyes were watching her intensely. She swallowed heavily and balled up the material of Negan’s shirt at the center of his chest. Negan licked his lips and she found the world spinning around her. This all felt like a dream. Negan was coming onto her so hard and the way he was touching her and talking to her was only that of what she had dreamt of in the past. His eyes were nearly eating her alive and she felt her throat going dry. More than anything she wanted Negan to have her, but she knew this was so wrong.

The sound of steps was heard and Negan quickly moved back and away from her. He pulled a cigarette quickly form the pack he was smoking and saw her father motioning them in for breakfast. Negan continued to finish his cigarette and Y/N quickly moved from the back with Negan into the house. She should have found out more from Negan, but she still couldn’t tell if he was fucking with her. Teasing her because that was his personality or if everything he was saying was serious. Her body was still trembling, she couldn’t believe the events that were taking place and she was absolutely stunned with all the things he had been saying. There was a warmth pooling at her core and she knew that it was a feeling that only Negan could pull from her. Had all this stemmed from her barging in on him in the shower or were these things he had been thinking for quite some time? Either way around it, she didn’t know how to respond to everything that was happening. There was both excitement and fear in the way things were going down.

She had quickly made her way to the table and prepared herself for breakfast. Negan was the last one to the table and he took the seat beside her. Not once had he made eye contact with her since he had sat. Her parents made small talk with him and she filtered it out. She was still thinking about the naughty words he had spoken to her. The way he touched her and asked her some of the deepest, most personal questions she had ever been asked. 

“You haven’t said much Y/N,” her mother blurt out from across the table at breakfast, making her look up from where she had been pushing at her food day dreaming about all that Negan had said.

“There isn’t much to say,” Y/N replied with a half-smile and she looked to Negan who was slowly chewing while looking over at her. “Just quiet today.”

“I think she’s just nervous being around Negan,” her father spoke up making her choke as she looked to her parents. Negan’s eyebrow perked up in interested as she felt her cheeks flushing over.

“Hey!” she cleared her throat uneasily and shifted in the seat she was sitting in beside Negan. She felt his knee pressed against hers and could hear her parents chuckle after her embarrassed outburst.

“She used to say she was going to marry you when she got older you know,” her mother pointed out making Y/N choke heavier as Negan smirked and looked over at her from where he was sitting. His dimples sucked in when his smile expanded over his features. Y/N was red and as embarrassed as could be. “I think she’s had a crush on you for a long time.”

“Wow, this didn’t just get severely awkward,” a grumble fell from Y/N’s lips as she lowered her head and wished that she could just somehow disappear right now. With all that had happened with Negan today, he probably thought that she was pathetic and a loser after all of that. 

After a moment, she felt Negan’s hand pressing in over her knee underneath the table and shifted to lift her head up. Negan’s glance met hers before looking to her parents where they were talking about something still. Their voices became silent to her as Negan’s rough fingertips caressed over her skin.

“I think it’s cute,” Negan insisted with a firm nod, his hand sliding further up her thigh to squeeze over her flesh. A nervous sound was desperate to fall from her lips, but she tried to keep silent knowing that her parents were right across the table. “I mean, I’m honored that you wanted to marry me. I’m not sure your father would be okay with that though.”

“Have you met boys her age? They scare me these days,” her father chuckled and Y/N looked to Negan who was still eating from his plate with his free hand while she felt his other hand sliding further between her thighs. The rough sensation of his fingertips dragged over her leg and she felt her body instinctively sliding down in the chair a bit. Her thighs opened further and she could see Negan’s eyebrow perk up when he noticed. Her body was craving being touched by him and he was definitely taking notice of it. “Not saying I would want her with someone your age, but boys her age are stupid.”

“And suddenly we are talking about my love life,” Y/N let out a sigh, biting into her bottom lip when Negan’s fingers reached her panties. She dropped her fork and Negan shot her a glare knowing that she was reacting too much to his touch. “That should probably be my decision, don’t you think?”

“I know you are eighteen, but if you come home with one of those idiots…I don’t know about that,” her father responded and Y/N swallowed down hard when Negan’s fingertips grazed harder over her panties making her body tremble. Negan gave her a warning look because she was clearly giving up too much in her reactions to his touch. When Negan went to pull his hand away, she grasped it loosely and urged it back to where it was.

Biting down on her bottom lip, she focused on the firm touch of Negan’s fingers tracing over her most sensitive parts beneath the table. It made her feel so naughty doing what she knew would cause complete mayhem if her parents found out. Negan seemed amused as he watched her reaction to every touch. Gradually it got stronger and she could feel him rubbing over her in the areas that she reacted to the most. The friction felt amazing as she licked her lips. Her thighs were trembling and she reached out to grasp his thigh tightly.

“You ready to go check out that car?” her father caught Negan’s attention and she felt Negan’s hand pulling from between her thighs when the attention was fully on him again. A disappointed breath fell from her lips when Negan’s attention was completely off of her. No one had ever touched her like that before and her body was craving more. The heat pooling at her core was driving her crazy and her heart was hammering inside of her chest. She was desperate to have his hand back between her thighs, but it was clear that wasn’t happening.

“Car?” she repeated the words seeing the way that Negan’s smile expanded over his lips and he nodded.

“There is this muscle car that Negan has had his eye on for a while,” her father explained and she looked from her father to Negan, seeing him licking over his bottom lip as he gave her a once over. “It’s an old mustang. So how about it Negan?” 

“I’ll be ready, just let me help with the cleanup,” Negan winked and she got up to help clean up the table. Negan followed her into the kitchen and he got to the sink first. He set the plates in and when she moved before the sink, Negan grabbed a firm hold of her hips. He leaned down, his lips beside her ear as he spoke in a rumble. “Now I’m going to have to hang out with your father while looking at this car with a fucking hard on. Thanks a lot.”

Her initial reaction was to bicker back that he was the one that started it, but with the sensation of him nestling his nose against the side of her neck she found herself playing the part, “Prove it.”

“Oh wow…I like that,” Negan grabbed a firm hold of her hips and brought her bottom back to press it against his groin. A surprised sound fell from her lips as she felt his body pressed up firmly against hers. “Is that proof enough for you sweetheart?”

Negan reached between her thighs and urged his fingers up and under her dress again. A deep, guttural moan fell from this throat, “Fuck hun, you are so fucking wet…you liked what Negan was just doing for you in there, didn’t you?” 

“Yes,” she moaned out feeling him softly bucking his hips up behind her, rubbing himself against her bottom and making her tremble. She dropped the dishes in the sink, her hands falling to the counter to grip it tightly. Negan’s left hand reached up to grab a firm hold of her jaw to turn her to look at him and it was obvious that she wanted him to kiss her, bad.

“You want me to pop that tight, little virgin pussy don’t you?” Negan slurred, his smile expanding while his eyes centered in over her lips. “Is that how you want to be introduced into womanhood? Having my big…thick cock stretching your virgin pussy?”

“Negan,” she whimpered feeling her body in a state of shock. Between his fingers rubbing through her panties, his hips bucking up against her and his dirty talk, she felt like her body was on fire. The slamming of her heart inside of her chest made the room spin around her and she desperately wanted Negan…and bad. Nodding, she heard him laugh and it was a deep, stretched out laugh that showed his clear amusement with it.

Negan’s caress and movements halted immediately and she watched him wiggle his eyebrow in an over exaggerated moment, “Unfortunately, that could never happen and never will.”

“But…” she panted; pushing at her dress feeling suddenly like a joke as Negan’s nose wrinkled while he looked out at her. “Why?”

“Well, your father is a good friend of mine,” Negan pointed out with a sigh and he straightened his composure when her mother walked into the kitchen with the rest of the plates. He cleared his throat and straightened out his shirt while Y/N clung tightly to the counter. If it wasn’t for her grasp, she was certain she would fall. “It just wouldn’t be right.”

“What wouldn’t?” Y/N’s mother spoke up and Negan was quick to reply.

“Your daughter just made a comment about it being nice that I helped her carry things in. I was saying it wouldn’t be right for me not to help since I was going to be the guest here for a while,” Negan lied and Y/N was going through so many emotions right now that she didn’t know how to respond. Negan looked to her with a wink and his arrogant smile grew deeper. The dimples over his face sank in and he let out a small laugh. “Better get back in there and out into the world so we don’t miss the appointment we have. See you later ladies…”

Y/N wanted to say something, but knew that she couldn’t. Negan gave a small wave before leaving the kitchen and Y/N parted her lips in a desperate moment. God, she was feeling all these emotions and all at once. She was excited, disappointed and sexually frustrated as ever. Had Negan just been fucking with her for payback for her walking in on him earlier? Was he just screwing with her? Did he really mean the things he was saying? Either way around it, she could tell that these next few weeks with Negan were going to be trouble. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan continues to play with the reader's emotions and she decides to take matters into her own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told people, Negan wasn't the nicest of people in this story. Just a pre-warning there. Thanks to everyone that really liked the first chapter! Means the world to me.

It was the day after Negan had arrived in her home and Y/N felt herself daydreaming about all the things that had happened with Negan the day before. The only other time yesterday she got to speak to Negan was when he brought the car back that he had bought. He offered to give her a ride in it sometime soon, but that’s all their conversation went to. Her father had eaten up most of Negan’s time the rest of the night. She desperately wanted to talk to him about what happened, but there was never a time where the two of them could have been alone together. It was so hard to be around Negan with him acting like nothing had happened between the two of them.

Negan was toying with her, playing with her now that he knew that she had a strong attraction to him and she knew it. This was all a game and she didn’t know if he was done with it now or not, but she wanted to approach him about everything that happened, she just didn’t know how.

Surprisingly enough they would be alone for a few days for her to get the chance to ask. Negan in a way of saying thank you to her parents for letting him stay at the house had offered to get them a couple of days getaway at one of the local hot spots and her parents surprisingly agreed. She didn’t know what they were thinking leaving the two of them alone, but apparently it didn’t worry her parents at all because they happily jumped at the idea of leaving.

It was late into the night and it was clear that the house was empty. No one was home with her for dinner and she knew that she was still alone. Considering how late it was, she imagined Negan was off having a life. Hell, someone like him would. He was sexy as hell and he had a brand new muscle car that he was ready to show off. Of course he wouldn’t be hanging out and about at his friend’s house with their daughter.

Shifting in bed, she closed her eyes and thought back to what Negan had done to her. Her mind constantly thought back to it. The teasing and torture that he put her through continued to linger fresh in her mind. When they were in the kitchen, he had gotten her body to the point where it felt like she just might explode and then he stopped immediately. It was a purposeful play to torture her, but God her body longed for more.

She thought of the way that his fingers touched and teased over her in the most intimate ways. The way his breath etched over her skin when he talked dirty to her. Hell, she loved the dirty talk. She loved it so much and she played over the words he said to her constantly in her mind. Negan awoke something inside of her that she didn’t even know she had lingering there.

The sound of the engine from Negan’s car filled the air and she felt her heart skip a beat. Why was she getting so excited at the idea of him being back? Negan made it clear that he wasn’t going to be going any further with her since he was friends with her father, so why was she so excited at the idea of him being back?

Hearing the sound of two doors shutting, she felt her curiosity getting the best of her and got out of bed. Moving to the window, she saw that Negan was waiting at the top of the driveway for a woman that he had clearly brought back with him. Negan’s hand urged in over the brunette’s hip accompanied him and Y/N felt a sense of jealousy as she stared down at them. Negan’s hand slid down in over the woman’s bottom and she felt her chest tightening while watching. When they approached the sidewalk to the house, Negan looked up toward her window and she stepped back. She didn’t want him to see her. Not when he was clearly bringing home some date.

There was an unknown rage that was building up inside of her. After what he had done to her with all the flirting and teasing…he was bringing home some random girl? What kind of asshole did that?

Moving back over toward her bed, she dropped down on top of it and pulled her blankets in over her. She wanted to just go to sleep and drown out the world around her. She was pissed and very….very jealous.

Although she tried to block out the sounds, still she heard the two of them moving around the house very loudly. It sounded like something was knocked over as Negan’s snort filled the air followed by the woman’s laugh.

Reaching for her pillow, she threw it in over her head and tried to block out the sounds. She was desperate to ignore what was happening. Part of her wanted to go in there and lecture them. Tear Negan a new one for being such an arrogant prick. The other part of her just wanted to forget that the things with Negan ever happened previously.

The sound of slam hit the wall and she let out a frustrated huff. Rolling her eyes, she tossed the blankets and the pillow aside. A grunt fell from Negan’s lips and she heard it from the other room. Maybe she should turn on the television? Grab her earphones. Possibly move to her parent’s room since it was clear what Negan had done in bringing home a random girl to fuck while staying at her parent’s home.

Another slam filled the air and she got up from the bed. For a moment she paced back and forth in her room hearing the sounds going on from the next room over. Moving for the door, she contemplated leaving the room and knew that nothing, but trouble would come from it. She’d get jealous. Very jealous and she knew if that was the case she’d likely erupt on Negan.

Gulping down heavily, she carefully moved out of the room and moved toward Negan’s room seeing that the door was half open. Stepping before the door, curiosity somehow got the best of her and she moved to step to the side to softly nudge the door just a little bit more. Biting down on her bottom lip and clenching her fists at her side, she found herself actually spying on Negan from where she was standing.

  
Negan was sitting on the edge of the bed while the brunette he had brought back with him was on her knees before him between his legs. The wet sounds the woman’s mouth made over him filled the air while she clearly gave him a blowjob and Y/N felt a sense of jealously raging up inside of her. Negan’s occasional heavy breaths fell from his throat while his head tipped back. Y/N’s heart hammered inside of her chest as she watched the woman continue to pleasure Negan. Negan wasn’t hers to be jealous over, but just knowing that he was fooling around with someone else upset her. Lifting her eyes up, she could see Negan’s eyes were staring out at the door and she stepped back letting out a silent gasp. Did Negan see her standing by the door watching in the dark hallway? Negan’s eyes lingered for a moment longer before a smirk pressed in over his lips and he dug his fingers into the woman’s hair urging her to take more of him into her throat and the sounds of her gagging filled the air.

“That’s enough,” Negan pulled the woman away from his body and he reached down to wrap his hand around his solid cock, pumping it in his hand slowly. “Get up on the bed for me…”

The woman moved up from her knees and went in to kiss Negan who turned his face away from her and a disappointed sound fell from her lips, “I don’t kiss on hookups.”

“Seriously?” the woman laughed and Negan’s thick brow rose.

“Do you want me to fuck you or not? Kissing isn’t necessary,” Negan snorted and the woman seemed to agree as she did what she was told with getting on the bed.

Negan moved for his wallet pulling a condom from within it and Y/N stepped in closer to the door again to watch closely. She didn’t know why she was watching. It only made her more jealous, but she honestly couldn’t look away. Negan’s cock bounced with every movement he made before he got in bed with the woman. He reached for the woman’s hips like she was a rag doll, pulling her where he wanted her in the center of the bed on her knees. Negan tossed aside the condom wrapper after he was done with it and Y/N watched as he reached down and snapped his hips forward making the woman before him cry out.

“You’re such a good little slut, aren’t you?” Negan grunted, spanking firmly over the woman’s bottom and Y/N stepped back. There was a heat pooling between her thighs as she watched Negan continue to plow into the woman before him and when Negan forced the woman to lie down, he laid in over her. Y/N could see his eyes looking back up at the door again where she was. Instead of stepping back, she stood there and watched while the smacking of skin filled the air and Negan’s eyes never once broke from Y/N’s. “Do you like my big cock, huh?”

“Yes,” she the woman panted and Y/N watched Negan grabbing a tight hold of the woman’s hair, yanking back on it. Y/N felt her throat go dry when she realized Negan definitely saw her standing there. His eyes were on hers like a hawk and it almost seemed like he was putting on a show for her.

Negan’s jaw clenched and his thrusts were suddenly very hard making the woman that was before him start to wince and whimper with each movement he made. It was clear that the woman before him could have been anyone that he was fucking. She was neither special nor someone Negan clearly cared about, but this felt deliberate. Negan had no interest in the woman beneath him since his eyes never broke from Y/N’s stare. Stepping back, Y/N tilted her head to the side and gulped down heavily. He brought a woman back, made so much noise and purposely left the door open so that she would come and see this.

What the hell was wrong with this guy? He knew she was watching and it seemed to be fueling him. Instead of focusing on the woman he was with, it was clear that he was eager to keep the attention of Y/N. Taking one final moment to look, she stepped back and cleared her throat. She wasn’t going to fall for whatever game he was playing. Not now. Not with this.

Walking back to her room, she slammed the door shut and moved to her desk toward her earphones. She didn’t care if she made a small scene with the slam. She was done. Using her phone to turn on some music, she put her earphones in and laid down in the bed. She pulled the covers over her head and closed her eyes.

Whatever game Negan had been playing with her, she wasn’t having it and hopefully she would be able to drown him out for the next few days that she was alone with him.

Luckily, sometime during the night she was able to fall asleep. She was surprised that Negan never came in during the middle of the night for her outburst with the slamming of the door, but she didn’t care. If Negan wanted to get her attention with stupid antics like that, she wasn’t going to give him the time of day.

Sometime later, she stretched out her body and could tell that it was morning by the light that was filling her bedroom. Feeling her foot knocking into something when she stretched, she looked down at the bottom of her bed. She gasped when she saw Negan sitting on the edge of the bottom of her mattress. Quickly scrambling to grab her blankets, she sat up a little bit and clutched the blankets at her chest. Negan was sitting there, wet from a shower that he clearly had taken. His wet hair was slicked back and he was sitting there in only his black boxer briefs. She wondered how long he had been sitting there waiting for her to wake up.

“What the hell are you doing?” she snapped, pulling the earphones from her ears and she set her phone and earphones aside. Negan continued to stare at her, his hazel eyes narrowing and his breathing was heavy. His head tilted to the side and she felt her heart pounding inside of her chest. She was preparing for a lecture. The way he was looking at her made her nervous, but she didn’t break face. She wasn’t going to let him know that he had her slightly worried.

“You…are a little pervert,” Negan grumbled in a soft tone, reaching up to rub at his jaw. His fingertips traced over the short beard on his face and he bit firmly at his bottom lip. Y/N was blushing over and it was clear that Negan was not breaking his eyes from her stare. “What did you think, that I wasn’t going to see you standing there watching?”

“Says the guy that was watching me the entire time while fucking some random slut he brought back,” she blurted out and Negan smirked. A small huff of a laugh fell from his cocky lips and she felt a rage building inside of her. She wanted to smack that cocky expression from his face. “You wanted me to watch you fuck her. Hell, I think you were loud so I would watch you fuck her. You left the door open purposely; you made sure I was watching…”

“Oh, you’d like that…wouldn’t you?” Negan grunted, his expression almost mocking and she rolled her eyes.

“You know, you’re a real dickhead. You know that I have an attraction to you and you built it up so fucking good with me where it almost seemed like you were going to…” she paused her words seeing his eyebrows bounce up, waiting for her to finish. “Like you were going to do things and then you just stop. It was like you were torturing me on purpose.”

“What things did you want me to do?” Negan engaged her further and heard her laugh. He spoke quiet, his tongue clicking against the top of his mouth while he watched her closely.

“I’m not going for that again. You bring back some slut to fuck in my parent’s home to make me even more jealous and then…” she began only to let out a gasp when Negan quickly moved to his knees on her bed and moved over her. He had her pinned down in a matter of seconds making her let out a nervous sound.

A gasp fell from her lips when Negan lowered in over her, his face merely inches away from hers. “What if I told your parents what a little pervert you were? Told them how you came into the bathroom while I was in there. Watched me while I was fucking naked.”

“What if I told my parents you brought some slut back to fuck in our home?” she slurred and Negan smirked. Negan was looking her over and she could feel his fingers wrapping tightly around her wrists. “You want to know what I think?”

“Not really, but something fucking tells me you’re going to ramble anyways,” Negan growled and a wince fell from her lips when she felt the force of his fingers squeezing harder at her wrists.

“I think you’re highly attracted to your friend’s daughter and you want to fuck her so bad that you feel bad about it. So you make me think that it’s all in my head and you were just doing it to fuck with me,” she insisted watching the wolfish smirk grow over Negan’s lips. “That’s why you brought that girl back here last night. To try to prove something to yourself, but you couldn’t take your eyes off me the entire time you were fucking her. For someone trying to prove a point, you sure did a shitty job of it.”

“You’re brave…” Negan lowered in closer to her, a hiss escaping his lips. The warmth of his breath was in her face, but she didn’t break face with him. “To come up with assumptions like that…”

“What’s with the no kissing thing Negan?” she inquired catching the way that Negan was staring down at her. “The girl sucks your cock and you can’t even give her something as simple as a kiss?”

“Why would I kiss some random slut I’m about to fuck?” Negan retorted with a wrinkle of his nose. “Would you kiss some random asshole that just up and showed up in your life for a day? Because if you did…”

Negan’s words came to halt when he felt her lean up and meet his lips in a quick kiss, catching him off guard. Negan gulped down heavily and she saw something in his face change. The arrogant look was more confused with what she had just done. It was just a simple, quick peck, but it really seemed to have knocked him off his game.

“Why did you do that?” Negan muttered softly, his eyes seemingly upset. “I told you I don’t kiss people…”

“That’s a shame,” she realized it was something that really seemed to bother him and she lifted up to press soft kisses over his bottom lip. Negan’s breathing was shallow as she teasingly flicked her tongue out over his bottom lip. Negan let out shivering exhale the more she continued to tease him. Gradually Negan started to kiss her back and she felt like the world was spinning around her. She was pulling him in like he had done her and she didn’t know if she could keep the ball in her court as his kisses grew harder. She pulled away for a moment and saw his eyes heavy with lust. Taking a moment, she lifted up off the bed as much as she could while pinned down beneath him and traced her tongue over his lips again. “Because you have such an amazing mouth.”

“You have no idea,” Negan slurred, a smile cracking in over the corners of his mouth. “You’re a very naughty girl, you know that?”

Negan’s mouth lowered and began to trail over her jawline with wet kisses. A whimper escaped her throat and she tipped her head back. Her eyes closed focusing on the way that Negan’s mouth kissed over her flesh. His short beard tickled at her skin and when Negan would nip at her flesh, she could feel goosebumps running up and down her flesh.

“It must have been really disappointing fucking that girl last night Negan,” she slurred, arching her body up toward Negan. He pulled back to look her over and his big eyes narrowed out at her. She had only kissed him to fuck with him, but in doing so she clearly had him hooked like he had her hooked previously. She wanted to get him as badly as he got her the other day. Leaning up as well as she could with her wrists still pinned to the bed; she etched her lips in over Negan’s earlobe and nipped softly at the flesh. “When you could have been fucking this very…tight, virgin pussy instead.”

Negan shuddered and pulled back enough to look her over. He seemed to be contemplating what she had said. His breathing was extremely loud and the expression over his face seemed different than the one she had been seeing recently from him. His grasp tightened over her wrists and pinned her down harder making her wince. 

“That vile mouth of yours is gonna get you in trouble,” Negan finally spoke up before his lips hammered in over hers causing a surprised sound to fall from her throat. Negan kissed her over and over again making her relax more beneath his grasps. Damn, she was doing everything to beat him at his game, but with the sensation of his lips over hers kissing her again and again had her falling more into his charm. She wanted to be mad at him, she wanted to attack him, but with the way he was kissing her, she couldn’t help falling deeper into everything.

A moan fell from her lips and it allowed her mouth to part. He was quick to push his tongue between her lips. The instant reaction to him was to pull back surprised, but when she did he was eager to pull her back into another sloppy kiss. “Your mouth is gonna get us both in trouble…”

Negan’s tongue flicked out over her bottom lip, causing her to shudder when he forced it back between her lips and it flicked against hers. The taste of him drew her more to him with each flick his tongue made over hers. The next time his tongue pushed its way into her mouth she sucked softly at it hearing him hum with approval.

“I thought you didn’t kiss,” she broke away from him and he moved in to kiss her again, but she turned away. Negan was panting; his tongue dancing out over his bottom lip again while his lust filled eyes stared down at her. “You were very…”

“I didn’t start this, you did,” Negan reminded her, releasing one of her wrist to reach for her jaw to pull her back to his mouth. His fingertips dug into her jaw squeezing firmly while he kissed her over and over again. Damn, he was good at kissing and she was enjoying just the mere thought of him making out with her in her bed. Negan released her other wrist and it instinctively wrapped around his arms. She caressed over his shoulders, down his long back and her palm slid in over his small bottom making him groan into her mouth. The more they kissed, the easier it seemed to fall into everything.

Then she thought about what he did last night and realized this was wrong. So wrong. She was letting him get away with fucking with her the night before and she wasn’t going to put up with it. So she was going to play him at his own game.

Tugging on his bottom lip with her teeth, she heard him moan and she tugged firmly at his wet hair when his forehead lowered against hers. Her heart was hammering in her chest, Negan was breathing heavily and he still had a good grasp on her.

“What did you do with the girl last night?” she poked at him to get the information and he huffed. He went in to kiss her again and she shook her head.

“Not long after you slammed the door, I called her a cab,” Negan informed her with a smirk and she laughed. “What?”

“You couldn’t even drive her back?” Y/N teased and Negan shrugged. “You’re a real gentleman.”

“I didn’t bring her here for me to be a gentleman,” Negan reminded her, moving in to kiss her again and she stopped him. “What?”

“I need you to be honest with me…” she urged and let out a gasp when she felt him get up to his knees to rip the blankets away from her. She felt him moving in over her more comfortably and let out a nervous breath when he lowered himself between her thighs. Talk about complicated. He was making it worse. It felt damn near perfect with his weight laying over her between her thighs and the closeness of him made her tremble. “You did bring her back here to prove something, didn’t you?”

“You know what I brought her back for,” Negan’s lips were over hers again and she felt his hips softly bucking up against her making her let out a surprised sound. She bit firmly at Negan’s bottom lip and heard him wince. If he kept bucking up against her like that, there was no way she was going to be able to focus on what she needed to do. “I’m not supposed to fuck you…you’re off limits.”

“Says who?” she breathed, reaching up to grasp at his stubble covered jaw. “As you said, I won’t tell if you don’t tell…”

“It’s just…” Negan licked his lips and he grasped more firmly at her jaw. “Fuck…I want to. So fucking bad.”

“Then what’s stopping you?” she smirked and she felt him quickly getting up on his knees. He reached for her pajama pants and in a matter of seconds she could feel him tugging the material from her legs. Negan reached for her panties and she quickly pulled herself up and away from him. “Negan! Virgin, remember?”

“It doesn’t hurt for long,” Negan insisted, moving in over her so that his lips were planted firmly over hers again. She whimpered when she felt his hips bucking against hers again and again as if to tempt her into what he wanted. “The faster things happen, the less you have to worry about the pain baby.”

“I don’t want you to fuck me the way you fucked that woman last night for my first time,” she answered hearing him gulping down heavily. She let out a worried sound when Negan reached down between them to squeeze at his thick length beneath the material of his boxer briefs. Looking over how the material clung to his body, she damned herself again. “Jesus Negan.”

“That’s all for you baby,” Negan insisted with a wink, pushing his hand down the front of his boxer briefs, clearly trying to get himself fully ready for her. She watched his body as he breathed heavily. His lean body was perfect. Everything about him was. Her eyes fell to his the top of his boxer briefs where the material was slightly pulled down revealing the base of his cock. “How do you want to lose it?”

“Just not hard and rough like the way you were with her,” Y/N answered, realizing that her breathing was getting rapid. Maybe she was getting too much into this herself. “Negan?”

“Take your shirt off,” Negan demanded, his eyes narrowing as he reached for the top of his briefs and she felt panic start to set in. If he got his boxer briefs off, there was no way she was going to be able to pull this off as easily. Reaching for his wrists, she shook her head and saw his tense expression. “What?”

“Do you have a condom hidden away in there because I sure as hell don’t have any in here,” she pointed out and Negan let out a frustrated sound.

“Listen. I’ll make you feel real good,” Negan nodded and saw her cheeks were flushed over. “I’ll make sure it’s everything you’ve ever wanted and more…”

“Still need a condom,” she stopped him when he moved in closer to her again. Negan let out a frustrated sound and she shrugged. “I’ll let you do whatever you want, but you just need that condom. I saw you had them last night.”

“Then let’s go to my room,” Negan suggested watching her shake her head. “What?”

“Not when you fucked some stranger in there last night. You’re going to have to do some serious laundry before that ever happens,” she laughed and Negan got up from the bed. The bulge in his boxer briefs drew her attention away for a moment making a tense breath fall from her lips.

“I’ll be right back. Just…fucking get undressed. When I’m back, I promise this will be amazing,” Negan was insistent and she could feel her heart pounding inside of her chest. Negan quickly moved out of the room and she could feel her body fighting her back. It was hot all over. There was that same warmth pooling at her core and it wanted Negan. Negan agreed to sleep with her. He made it clear that’s what he desperately wanted. She got what she wanted, but she wanted payback more.

Getting up from the bed, she reached for her jeans from the dresser and started to pull them on and moved for something else to put on for the day.

“I’ve got it,” Negan words called out to her from the hallway and she could hear him approaching. “It would have been better if I had some lube, but we’ll make sure that you’re extra wet with…”

Looking over her shoulder she saw Negan stepping into the bedroom holding the condom up, but the look of confusion spread over his features when he saw that she was fully dressed, “You’re the opposite of what I asked of you. You were supposed to have clothes off, not on.”

“I was thinking,” she panted, looking him over. His lean body was beautiful and God, he looked amazing standing before her. He was disheveled and she had done that to him which made her feel great. “About the father thing. It would be kind of awkward, wouldn’t it? Us fucking each other when I’m off limits.”

“Oh…you little shit,” Negan chuckled as she reached for her bag at the corner of the room. Negan’s chest rose and fell heavily and he looked down at the center of his boxer briefs. “I see the game you’re playing.”

“It’s no game Negan,” she moved forward watching his eyes narrow down at her. “My father thinks the world of you and what would happen if he found out the two of us had been fucking? In his house nonetheless.”

“You get me hard as a fucking rock and you’re just gonna leave?” Negan snatched her wrist when she went to walk around him and he shook his head. “I don’t kiss people…”

“Okay?” she breathed out watching Negan’s eyebrows tense together. “You left me right at the peak of my moment Negan…”

“So what, this is payback?” Negan confirmed watching her look down toward the center of his boxer briefs where the line of his hard cock was obvious. She licked her lips nervously and nodded.

“Kind of,” she nodded and reached out to pat him in the center of the chest. “I won’t be gone long, but you should probably take care of that.”

Moving down the stairs, she let out a long, extended breath. She couldn’t believe she had done that to Negan. Hell, her body was screaming at her for it, but he needed to have a taste of his own medicine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan and the reader get to explore each other a little bit better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's pretty obvious this is going to be a smutty story all around for the most part. It will take a while for some serious plot to happen.

Staring up at the house from where Y/N was standing in the driveway, she could see that the light was on in the room that Negan was staying in. She looked to see that both his truck and the muscle car that he had gotten were in front of the house, telling her that he was there. He hadn’t left. It had been hours since she had left him high and dry. She wanted to return sooner, but she didn’t know how Negan would react with her turning him down like she had. He knew that she was playing the game now too and she could only imagine then the next move that he was going to play. The ball was in his court now and she didn’t know what to do. They were going to be alone for a few more days and she didn’t know how she could face Negan now after everything that had happened.

Moving up to the house, she quietly closed the door and listened carefully. The house was pretty quiet and Negan clearly wasn’t roaming out and about. The idea was for her to probably just to head to her bedroom. It was almost night; she would avoid Negan and relax before going to bed. It was probably best if that’s what she did.

Tip toeing up the stairs, she moved carefully by Negan’s room when the faint sounds of what she thought to be moans were heard. A sense of rage started filling her body when she thought about Negan going out and finding someone to sleep with again. After what happened this morning and what they talked about, she could feel her heart pounding inside of her chest in anger. Stepping forward, she pressed her ear against the door and certainly heard the sounds of moans, but…they didn’t sound like Negan?

Pushing open the door, she let curiosity get the best of her and let out a small gasp when she saw Negan stretched out in the center of the bed. His back was pressed firmly against headboard, he was completely naked and his hand was wrapped firmly around his hard cock while he pumped furiously at his length. Negan’s eyebrows perked up when he looked to her over his thick, black framed glasses and her face instantly flushed over.

“Jesus Negan!” she turned away and looked to the television on the wall realizing that Negan was watching porn and jerking off.

“Jesus Negan? You’re the one that came bursting into my room…again. You have a bad habit of doing that. First with the bathroom and now with the bedroom,” Negan pointed out with a half laugh and she looked over her shoulder to see Negan rest his head back while his hand continued to slowly pump up and over his length. “What can I help you with now?”

“I just heard…” she looked to Negan and gulped down. Her eyes wanted to drop to his solid length, but she tried to avoid it knowing that he would use it to his advantage. She nodded toward the television and Negan let out a hearty laugh.

“You heard the porn and got jealous? All right. Okay. Shit, I get it. You wanted to see who I went out and picked up along the way, huh?” Negan licked his lips and his attention went back to the television. His arm moved faster and she found herself watching as his chest flexed while he worked his hand over his length. “You thought after the little stunt you pulled this morning that I was going to slap ya back, huh?”

“Listen…can we um…” she found herself staring and shook herself out of the moment. Negan was comfortably jerking off and watching porn in front of her like it was no big deal at all. Their relationship was awkward to say the least. “Can we talk?”

“Aren’t we talking now?” Negan grunted when a small moan fell from his lips.

“I mean could you stop doing that and we actually talk about things?” she suggested and Negan’s eyes turned to her, a smirk pressing in over his lips when he looked down toward his swollen cock in his hand. “It’s a little distracting.”

“You’re the one that came in here while I was in the middle of this. I’m not about to get blue balls for the second time today,” Negan nodded toward the bed and heard her sigh heavily. “You want to talk you are welcome to come sit next to me.”

“On a bed that you were screwing some chick on last night?” she snorted and Negan nodded to the bed again.

“I dealt with that honey. Brand new fucking blankets and sheets. Went out and got them myself. I got a few things actually,” Negan informed her with a bright smile, his dimples sucking in when he spoke. “So you have nothing to worry about. In fact, the sheets are super comfortable. I think you’ll really like them. Come here…sit.”

“I don’t think…” she began in almost a pant. She licked her lips and her throat was dry. Listening to Negan she moved to the side of the bed and slowly lowered herself onto the edge of it. Negan’s eyes were on her like a hawk as she looked to the porn that was playing on the television across the room. “I’m thinking this thing that we’re doing should probably…uhm….stop.”

“If that’s what you want,” Negan nodded, switching hands to wrap his palm tightly around the base of his cock. Her eyes fell to the center of his lap and she watched him squeezing firmly at his body. Negan released himself for a moment and she felt her body tremble being this close to him naked. When Negan noticed she was watching, a proud sound fell from his lips. “I thought you wanted to stop…or some shit like that?”

“Could I…watch you?” she gulped down realizing how ridiculous she must have sounded, but her question caused Negan’s wolfish smile to expand. His dimples sank in and he looked down toward his erection that was resting against the bottom of his abdomen. Negan licked his lips and reached to trace over his length with his fingertips. The touch caused his body to twitch and he saw her eyes watching closely.

“You wanna see me cum?” Negan slurred watching her eyes lift to his and his eyebrow perked up. Reaching down he wrapped his palm loosely around his length again and started to slowly pump his hand over it. “You can help me if you want.”

“Help you?” she repeated his words, watching his grip tighten near the tip of his engorged length. He teased the pad of his thumb over the slit and softly moaned. The sound caused her to shudder and she felt her chest tighten at the suggestion. “How?”

“Well…I’d love to fuck that virgin pussy,” Negan answered with a darkness in his tone and he watched her cheeks flush over with red. The reaction caused him to smile as he reached out for her hand and felt her tense up. “But something tells me you aren’t quite ready for that yet.”

“I…don’t know Negan,” she stammered with a gulp, her eyes nervously glancing between his stare and his straining body. His fingers hooked with hers and she saw him frown.

“Come on. It’s the least you can do after giving me blue balls this morning,” Negan pouted, scooting in closer to her and he could feel her tense up at the sensation of him moving in closer to her. Negan pulled her hand closer to his body and urged her to grab a soft hold of his erection. “Go ahead. Play with it, touch it. Get a feel for it and then jerk me off.”

“I don’t think…” her hand went to pull back and Negan hushed her. He reached with his free hand to urge her face in closer to his. The warmth of his breath etched over her lips before smiling brightly.

“No thinking, just do,” Negan softly moaned when her hand grasped firmly around his thick length. His lips teasingly pressed in over hers, barely touching, but leaving just enough for her to want more. Her body shuddered, chills filling her when Negan dragged his tongue over the front of her lips. “Get closer to me.”

Y/N did as she was told and moved in closer to the warmth of Negan’s body. His hand slid along her jawline, his fingertips tracing over her skin while his right eyebrow arched, “Make me cum…”

Negan reached with his free hand to help her urge her movements over his body and he smiled when she complied. Paying close attention to the movements he urged her hand over him. Negan grunted against the side of her neck before starting to softly kiss over her heated flesh. A shudder overtook Y/N as he bit and sucked softly at the side of her neck.

“Good girl,” Negan complimented her before meeting her lips in a wet, sloppy kiss. His tongue flicked out between her lips and he could feel her trembling against his touch. She was nervous and it honestly fueled him. He had never been with someone so innocent and the fact that she was dangerous territory turned him on all the more. “Wait.”

“Am I doing something wrong?” she moved in to kiss him again and Negan laughed against her lips noticing how eager she was to kiss him.

“No, I got you something and I think it would help…” Negan motioned her to stay where she was in the center of his bed. He hopped out of the bed and moved toward the corner of the room where had some bags sitting. “I know you’re eager to get into my shit, but I’m going to ask you not to because I have things over here that…they’re not for right now, but I can’t have you finding shit before its time.”

“What does that mean?” she breathlessly asked and Negan wiggled his brow in a suggestive manner before going back to looking for the bag he wanted. Her heart was pounding inside of her chest. There were goosebumps up and down her arms. This was still all like a dream to her. Negan wanting her and having her touching him in ways that she could have only imagined in the past. “Negan?”

“Patience is a virtue,” Negan whistled from where he was at before grabbing a bag. He stood up and moved back toward the bed. Her eyes were eating him alive and it was amazing to have this innocent girl enjoying every part of him. Negan snapped his fingers when he could see her staring at his cock again and he smiled. “You like that, don’t you?”

She simply nodded and he let out an amused laugh. He was used to a different kind of girl, but it was nice for a change. Negan tossed the bag on the bed before carefully getting back on it with her, “Put this on.”

“I’m sorry?” she blurt out as Negan nodded toward the bag. Reaching for it, she saw that it was a sexy, black lace nightgown and she felt her cheeks flushing over and she quickly closed it back up. “Negan?”

“We talked about your pajamas the other day and I just think it’s time for you to be a big girl now and wear something more…your style,” Negan licked his lips and his eyebrows bounced. “Now if you really want to help me, you’re going to be a good girl and you’re going to put that on.”

There was a silence that pressed in over them. Negan’s eyes were on hers like a hawk before he moved up enough to meet her lips in another kiss. This one was forceful and he drew her in with every caress his lips made over hers.

“Okay,” she nodded, licking her lips when Negan pulled away from her. She stood up from the bed and headed for the door before Negan called out to her.

“No, no, no. Absolutely not,” Negan shook his head, holding his hand up in the air. He urged her back toward the bottom of the bed and snapped his fingers. “Put it on in front of me. Take your clothes off right there and put that on for me to see. I want to see the transformation. The moment you realize how fucking sexy you actually are.”

It was clear that there was a war going on in her head about whether she should do it or not, “I’ve been naked in front of you so many times. My cock is out right now for you to see. You getting naked in front of me…almost fair isn’t it?”

She said nothing, just nodded. She set the short nightgown down on the bed and he smiled brightly. Negan reached for the remote for the television and turned off the porn that he had on. When she reached for the bottom of her shirt Negan stopped her again, “Take your time. Don’t rush this…”

“Negan,” she frowned, almost embarrassed as she watched him wrap his palm back around his thick girth from where he was seated on the bed. Negan licked his lips while he watched her and reached up with his free hand to pull his glasses from his face to set them down. “I like those.”

“Well one of the next times I’ll make sure they are on,” Negan promised before motioning her to go ahead and start undressing. There was something in the way that Negan was watching her that made her boldly start to move in front of him. She started with pulling her shirt slowly from her body, tossing the material to the side. Negan bit at his lip while he slowly jerked himself off. It was only a careful teasing caress for himself, but she imagined he might have been saving himself for her. Pulling her pants open she heard Negan grunt and watched his hips arch up closer toward the grasp he had on himself. “Turn around and very slowly pull them down your hips. I want to see that ass of yours.”

Doing as she was told, she teasingly turned away from Negan and pulled the material of her pants down very carefully. When Negan let out a satisfied sound, she turned back to him and nervously reached for the clasp at the back of her bra. Negan’s eyes never moved away from her movements when she got the material from her body. While she wanted to be what she imagined the kind of person that Negan wanted she still found herself a bit self-conscious when she revealed her breasts to his sight.

“Oh baby, don’t get nervous now you’re so fucking gorgeous,” Negan slurred, his palm quickening over his length as he looked her over. She took his encouragement when she reached for her panties and pulled them from her body. Negan smiled a big toothy grin, his head cocking to the side while he watched her. When she reached for the nightgown, he held his hand up and motioned her to wait. “I have a better idea. Lay on the bed.”

“Negan?” she breathed when he snapped his fingers and ordered her to do as he told. Somehow she listened and nervously laid in the center of the bed when he moved and Negan let out a proud sound. “I’m not…”

“I know…” Negan nodded, his eyes looking over her body like an animal about to attack its prey. “You like my kisses? Tell me where you want me to kiss you. I’ll only kiss you on the places that you tell me. If you help me…I’ll help you. If you’re too nervous, point. We can take all the time in the world to get you comfortable.”

Her lips parted, her chest rising and falling rapidly while she felt her body trembling. She was naked in bed with Negan and he was looking over her with a hungry gaze, “You look beautiful baby.”

Negan’s grin expanded over his features and he reached out to trace his fingertips over the inside of her knees. Slowly they slid up from her knees, over her thigh and up toward her hip. The sensation caused a chill to run up her spine and her hands clung tightly to the comforter. Negan licked his lips and carefully laid in beside her. Negan was on his side, pressing in as close to her as possible. The warmth of his body against hers felt amazing and Negan reached out to pull her in closer to him. His rough fingertips settled in over the side of her hip and he caressed over her body in teasing fashion.

Negan tipped in, his lips meeting hers in a quick kiss. Negan pulled back to try and read her expression, but she was eager to meet his lips in another kiss. Negan chuckled when he allowed her to kiss him. His hand slid up her body and toward her neck where his fingers firmly wrapped around it. Negan’s mouth was amazing and she didn’t understand why he didn’t want to kiss originally. He was fantastic at it and really knew how to get her going with just a kiss.

“I could make out with you all night if that’s what you want,” Negan suggested with a growl, biting softly at her bottom lip. He tugged on it in a seductive manner before teasing his tongue over the inside of her bottom lip. It made her whimper and a proud sound fell from his lips. “But if that’s the only place you want me to kiss you tonight, I might need a little help with my rub and tug if you get my point.”

“My neck…” she finally spoke up and Negan smiled. He kissed her one final time before his lips trailed down her jaw toward her neck. His tongue flicked out against her skin before kissing at her heated flesh. When his lips collided with the small patch of skin behind her ear she felt her body shake instantly. The tickling of his short beard against her flesh scratched over her sensitive flesh and made her shudder. Negan bit firmly at her skin making her realize that he was definitely going to leave marks. A moan fell from her lips when she felt his hand sliding to the base of her throat. “I…I know you want me to point, but I’d rather you just…”

“Just…?” Negan’s brow rose in interest.

“I’d like you to do…whatever…you’d like to do,” she suggested with a loud gulp and Negan bit at his bottom lip with an amused sound falling from his throat. “With your mouth. I’m not…very good at knowing what I want because you’re…the first.”

“Okay. So I can kiss you anywhere?” Negan inquired and when she nodded he released the grip of her throat. Her nervousness and innocence turned him on all the more and it sent an ache straight to his cock making him groan. “And if you’re uncomfortable at all. You’ll let me know?”

She nodded and Negan got up on his knees over her. He crawled in over her body and she looked up at him with her big eyes. Her lips parted as he was on his knees over her. He looked down at his solid cock and winced when he reached down to squeeze at the base. His body was eager for that release he hadn’t gotten all day, but he wanted to make this special. He wanted this to be a moment she wouldn’t forget.

“You are so sexy,” she managed to mutter and Negan felt her reaching up to run her hands over the center of his chest and down toward his abdomen. Her fingertips teased through the thick hair covering the skin and Negan let her touch him. The way her eyes focused on his body sent a fire throughout him. This one was going to be trouble and he could tell it. He wanted her and he wanted her bad. This was so wrong, but damn it…it felt so fucking right. “Better than I could have ever imagined…”

“You’ve pictured it a lot, huh?” Negan responded with a cock of his head and he was being arrogant, but the smile that spread over his handsome features warmed her to the core. Negan caressed over his solid length while he looked down at her. Precum was developing at the tip of his cock and he let out a wince. “Fuck…you have no idea what you’re doing to me.”

“I can kind of see,” she slid her hands down his hips and reached for his body. Negan urged her hands away from his body and shook his head. “I thought…”

“I don’t get to cum until you do,” Negan slurred and shook his head slowly. Her breath caught in her throat when he said that and he looked down at his body. “Which trust me, hurts like you can’t believe right now…”

Negan reached his palms out to slide his hands up her sides until they slid up to cup underneath her breasts. She trembled against his touch and he could feel the ache in his groin. This innocence of the woman before him drove him crazy. She was starving for his touch and just by touching her he sent her into a fit of shuddering. She was so pure and the thought that he was going to be the one to change that turned him on more than he could have ever imagined. Negan lowered in closer to her, his mouth teasing warm lines over her jawline and toward her neck. His tongue flicked and teased while he would occasionally nip at her flesh. Sliding down further, he kissed at her collarbone area and felt her fingertips reaching up to tug softly at his dark hair. Negan hummed against her flesh and felt her back lifting up off the bed so she could arch her body closer to him.

“Mmmm…so eager,” Negan teased pulling his mouth away for a moment to look down when he finally cupped her breast in his hand. She let out a whimper and he found amusement in the sound. His thumb teasingly circled around her nipple and she tugged a bit harder at his hair.

Negan lowered in closer to extend his tongue. The tip of his tongue twisted slowly around the nipple and her gasp filled the air. Taking his time to get her worked up, he could hear the change in her breathing before his movements and flicks got stronger. His lips suctioned around her breast before he pulled away with a popping sound and moved to her other breast to repeat the motion.

Pulling his mouth away, he began to trail wet kisses between her breasts and down toward her abdomen. Her body arched up closer to his movements while his tongue teased over her body. He left a wet trail over her skin until he reached her navel and he could feel her getting tense the lower he got.

“Do you want me to kiss you there? Hmmm?” Negan slurred, his tongue dragging over her skin before biting firmly near her hip. She winced and he grabbed a tight hold of her thighs, pulling them apart. Her eyes were looking away from him like she was embarrassed of herself and Negan reached out to grab a hold of her jaw. “You’re fucking beautiful. I love what I see. I’m having a hard fucking time not just fucking the hell out of you. So get rid of that nervous attitude and start being fucking cocky because that’s how you should be. I don’t care if you’ve never been with anyone. I fucking want you, clearly I find you appealing. I’m okay with shy, I’m okay with all of that, but you are going to learn to love this gorgeous fucking body, you hear me?”

“Yes sir,” she whispered and he his serious expression turned into a wide smile.

“Good girl,” Negan hummed reaching down to squeeze at her thighs to help him pull her into the position that he wanted. Negan watched her eyes stare into his and he licked his lips. Getting on his knees on the bottom of the bed, he lowered down to press kisses over her thigh. Her legs were trembling as he moved lower toward the inside of her knees, toward her ankle before sliding back up. His tongue dragged over her flesh before he crawled back up in next to her. “Be a good girl…”

Negan held his fingers before her and he watched her gulp, “Get these wet for me…”

Giving him a look, she watched him nod and she leaned up to wrap her lips around her his fingertips. Negan let out a pleased sound as she sucked softly over his fingertips. Negan groaned and allowed her to do it for a moment before pulling his fingers away. Negan replaced his fingers with his mouth and kissed her in wet, dominate way. Reaching for her leg, he pulled her in closer to him and his fingertips teased between her thighs. When the tips of his fingertips grazed over her sensitive folds, she pulled her mouth away from his and looked down. Negan urged her mouth back to his to keep her kissing him and a moment later the pressure of one of his fingers pressing into her was felt making her pull her mouth from his with a gasp.

“Negan,” she stammered and he hushed her, pushing his long, slender finger back and forth inside of her. Her thighs were trembling and he licked his lips in an erotic sweep.

“Damn baby, you are fucking wet and so damn tight,” Negan looked down and groaned when he brought a second finger to her tight pussy. He pushed it into her and watched her head tip back into the pillows. “You like the way that feels baby?”

“Yes,” she swallowed down feeling Negan’s lips at the side of her neck.

He varied between suction, licking, kissing and biting over her neck. Honestly, Negan’s long fingers inside of her were creating an uncomfortable pressure inside of her, but the more he moved them the more relaxed her body got around the pumping of them inside of her. Negan pulled his fingers from her and she whimpered watching him lift his fingers up to his mouth where he wrapped his lips around them. A moan filled the air from his throat while he closed his eyes and slowly pulled his fingers from his mouth.

“Mmmm, you taste so fucking good,” Negan hummed moving in to kiss her again. A gasp fell from her throat when she felt his tongue pressing back between her lips. The taste of her lingered over his mouth, but before she could react he was eagerly kissing her over and over again. Negan crawled in over her and she could feel him forcing her further into the bed. His lips were over her jawline and he was being forceful in his movements. “You’re gonna be all mine…”

“Negan…” she panted in his ear before kissing over the side of his neck. Negan moaned when she nipped at his flesh and she felt his left hand reach up to grab a firm hold of her neck again. A whimper escaped her throat while she caressed up and over the side of his face.

“Are you sure we can’t just…” Negan looked down between them and he felt her shaking beneath him. “I swear you’re going to love the feeling of my big cock inside of you. Stretching you and opening you up like no one has before. You’ll be having multiple orgasms and…”

“I mean…” she gulped and looked him over. “I won’t tell you no…”

“Oh…fuck,” Negan growled, dropping his forehead against hers. “You just gave me permission to pretty much do whatever I wanted.”

She nodded and he urged her mouth to his. Negan spent his time kissing her before pulling back to look her over, “Oh baby I want to pound that tight little virgin pussy so bad, but I want to make you ready. I want to make you beg for it. Now’s not the time…”

She didn’t know what to say, she just nodded and Negan got up on his knees. He crawled down between her legs and reached for her thighs pulling her hips up. She gasped and Negan’s wolfish grin expanded. Negan lowered down on his chest and grabbed a firm hold of her bottom. Sliding her in closer to him, he could feel her shaking when the warmth of his breath etched over her sensitive flesh. Taking in the scent of her, Negan smiled and reached his hand out to trace his rough fingertips over the length of her sex. A whimper filled the room and her body trembled merely at his touch.

“In-fucking-credible,” Negan growled, leaning forward to brush his lips over her inner thigh. He kissed at her skin over and over again. The flicking of his tongue against her skin felt amazing and she desperately wanted to reach down to touch him, but she was worried to. Negan grunted, grabbing a tighter hold of her thighs with his hands pushing them further apart. “Can I kiss you baby? Huh?”

She nodded, her lips parting as Negan leaned forward, his eyes still locked on hers. He pressed soft kisses over her body causing her hips to tremor against him. A proud, muted laugh escaped his throat and she clutched tightly to the bed sheets. Negan’s tongue extended out, teasing a stripe over her sensitive flesh making her shake against him. Negan’s eyes were still watching her closely while his hands squeezed firmly at her thighs.

A grunt escaped Negan’s throat when he tugged her closer and she cried out feeling the vibration of it against her clitoris. Her hips pulled away in an instinctive manner and he roughly pulled her back to him. Negan’s lips suctioned around her clitoris, causing her hips to arch closer to him while the tip of his tongue teased and flicked over the sensitive flesh.

“Relax,” Negan breathed against her flesh, his tongue drawing zigzag lines over her body and she dropped her head back into the pillows. Her chest was rising and falling heavily while she bit firmly at her bottom lip. “Calm yourself. Stop worrying.”

Lifting her head up, she saw Negan lick his lips again before moving back between her thighs to tease over her body with varying between suctioning with his mouth, the flick of his tongue and gentle kisses. When it seemed like she was reaching a peak moment he would slow down his caresses and take the time to tease her. Negan pulled back for a moment, reaching up to wipe at his lips. When her head lifted up to watch him closely, he sucked over his fingertips and hummed with approval. Reaching out, he started a soft caress over her clitoris with his rough fingertips and her hips arched up toward him.

“Watching you trying to hold onto that small amount of innocence you still have is so fucking sexy,” Negan slurred dropping his fingers down so he could insert his index finger slowly back into her core. She gasped and he smiled moving in again to tease and flick his tongue over her while he pumped his finger inside of her.

Instinctively, she dropped her hand down and sank her fingertips into Negan’s hair when he acted like he was going to pull away again. Keeping him in place, she started rocking her hips against his movements and it seemed to light a fire in him as his movements got rougher. The slurping sounds filled the air while she whined when he pressed another finger inside of her. The curling of his fingers inside of her caused her to cry out. Her body was involuntarily shaking while her calf muscles were locking up.

“Negan,” she cried out his name and she could feel the thrusting of his fingers getting harder and harder inside of her. “Keep going. Please keep going.”

Negan listened to her demands and she could feel a rush flooding through her veins. Her eyes slammed shut and her hips raised closer to him. The twitching of her body against his was felt and he groaned against her flesh. Her body was contracting around his fingers and she lifted her upper half up to see him continue through with his motions.

“Fuck,” she cried out, dropping her head back. Her whimpers filled the air and the slurping from Negan’s mouth was heard as he pulled away from her body. When Negan pulled his fingers from her body, she could feel his lips back at her inner thigh.

“Good girl,” Negan hummed against her thigh before he crawled up her body slowly. His mouth following his movements and he she could still feel her body shaking after he had gotten her to her first orgasm. Her heart was pounding inside of her head and chest. She was breathless and Negan’s lips were still tracing over her body. His mouth was focusing on her breasts and her body arched up toward him. “Look at you. So fucking beautiful. Did you like the way that felt baby?”

Gulping down, she saw him over her. His palms were keeping him over her and she looked down to see his erection straining. Reaching down, she wrapped her palm loosely around it and watched him tip his head back. His jaw tightened and his eyes closed while she pumped her hand over his body. Negan’s soft moans were filling the air as she jerked him over and over again.

“Keep going,” Negan hummed, his Adam’s apple bouncing and the vein in his neck protruding. “Almost…”

Negan’s hips were slowly rocking up toward her caress over and over again. Negan’s moaning got louder and she could feel the splash of the first line of his cum over her lower abdomen. Negan’s hips continued to buck up toward her grasp and she could see him biting firmly into his bottom lip. When she completely milked him of his orgasm, he lowered in over her and pressed kisses over her jawline before meeting her lips in a kiss. The taste made her pull away and he could tell that she tasted herself over his mouth. Negan smiled and dragged his tongue out over his bottom lip and he could feel her fingertips grasping firmly at his thick hair, pulling him closer to her. Their mouths crushed together before her lips trailed off over the side of his neck and he could feel her biting at the flesh.

“Not too bad for a first experience, right?” Negan inquired and he could feel her still shaking in his arms. Negan chuckled aloud and reached for the tissues that were on the nightstand beside the bed. Grabbing one, he helped clean her off before dropping down on the bed beside her. He stretched out his long body and her eyes gazed over his gorgeous form. This felt like a dream. It was too perfect. She just couldn’t wrap her mind around why someone as sexy as Negan would be interested in someone like her. Negan’s chest was rising and falling over and over again leading her to look over the firm lines of his body. Licking her lips, she saw Negan dramatically drop his head back and gulp down heavily. His hair was wet and she still felt like she was on top of the world. Her body was still tingling from what he put her through and she loved every second of it. The sensation that he left inside of her was something brand new altogether. She missed and longed for his fingers back inside of her, but she knew she should only be taking things one step at a time.

Looking over at Negan, she admired his slender body so much. The damp hair covering his chest outlined him perfectly down to the thick curls of hair over his abdomen that led down to his groin. His softening cock was resting against his lower abdomen and she could feel her mouth go dry. Everything about him was perfect.

Sliding in closer to Negan, she reached out to trace over the lines on his hips with her fingertips. His eyes were closed, but a smile pressed in over his devilishly handsome face. Tipping in, her lips caressed over his chest taking her time to focus on his beautiful body. Her teeth nipped softly at his nipple and he cooed at the touch, lifting his head up to watch her when he opened his eyes.

“If you get my dick hard again, I can’t promise you that I won’t bend you over and take you the way I’ve been wanting to,” Negan warned her and she giggled against his skin. Her lips teased further down his abdomen toward his hips before pulling back and away. She went to get up and he reached for her wrist to stop her from leaving. “What are you doing?”

“I just figured since we were done…” she began and Negan shook his head, urging her back to the bed.

“Stay with me tonight,” Negan suggested. “I promise to behave…to the best of my ability.”

“I didn’t think you were the kind of person that…” she began to speak, but his mouth was quick to cover hers.

“Stop overthinking all of this and just take the offer,” Negan urged her, his hand grabbing a firm hold of her jaw. His hazel eyes stared into hers and it was almost like a trance. Of course she wouldn’t say no to being with him overnight. This was turning out better than anything she could have hoped for. Negan curled up in closer to her and reached for the light to flick it off.

Darkness surrounded them and she could feel Negan pressed firmly up against her. His mouth was kissing over hers again and again almost as if he enjoyed what they were doing. It was small, less forceful kisses than before, but the idea that she was lying in bed with Negan kissing like this absolutely made her heart flutter. She didn’t know what had happened to make him decide to do this, but she sure was happy that he did. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan and the reader play a game that leads them to getting naughty with each other again.

Shifting in bed, Y/N stretched out and felt her body aching, but in the best possible of ways. Cuddling her head further into the pillow beneath her, she thought about the middle of the night and how she had spent most of the night kissing Negan. That’s all they pretty much did. After Negan had done what he had, he was honest. He stayed under the best behavior and spent plenty of time kissing her. Eventually they had fallen asleep together and she was surprised how much Negan liked cuddling with her. It was like he was more comfortable with someone to hold at night. She wasn’t going to fight him on it. Hell, she loved it. She just kind of saw Negan as a one and done kind of guy, so the fact he wanted to do that afterwards really impressed her.

Looking over her shoulder in search of Negan, she saw an empty bed beside her and was surprised to find that. After how Negan had been the night before she figured he may have been there when she had woken up. Lifting up in the bed, she pulled the sheets close to her body knowing that she was still very naked. She was thankful that her parents would be gone for a few more days because things had already turned out so amazing. She was hoping that they would continue to be so wonderful.

Getting out of bed, she moved toward the bathroom at the end of the hallway to grab her robe. Instead of getting dressed, she just wrapped herself up and then headed downstairs. She was surprised to be matched by the sound of nothing once she was down there. Looking around, she found no sign of Negan and found herself confused. Moving to the door, she saw both his car and truck there so she knew he had to be at the house still. Walking into the kitchen, something in the window caught her eye and made her smirk.

Moving to the back of the house, she walked outside onto the deck to stare out at Negan lying on a floating lounge chair in the inground pool in her backyard. He had sunglasses on, his dark hair was slicked black and a cigarette was in his mouth. He hadn’t noticed her yet and at this point she wondered if he was even awake. He seemed to be so relaxed, but when she saw a puff of smoke escape his lips she chuckled.

“This is the first thing you do in the morning?” she called out and Negan lifted his head up to stare out at her before a smirk expanded over his handsome features.

“Not that early in the morning, it’s about lunchtime doll,” Negan informed her and she looked back into the house to see the time and to see that he was right. She didn’t think she overslept that much, but her body must have gotten super comfortable. When she moved back onto the deck, she saw him pulling his cigarette from between his lips and exhaling a large amount of smoke.

“You just relaxing?” she moved from the deck and down beside the pool to sit in one of the chairs beside the pool. Negan stretched out his arms and folded them behind the back of his head. He nodded and rest his head back again. “What are your plans for the day?”

“I never really make plans, I just run with the flow of things,” Negan informed her, finishing up his cigarette before pushing himself toward the edge of the pool to put the butt into the ashtray he had set out beside the pool. “I feel like if you make plans, you just end up fucking disappointed and shit. If you let things flow, it turns out to be more fun.”

She nodded, watching him before pulling the robe closer to her body. Negan smiled brightly and sank his fingers into his hair, “Why don’t you hop in with me right now?”

“I’ve got nothing on underneath,” she explained with a heavy sigh and he shrugged his shoulders. He looked down at his bathing suit before getting relaxed again on the float. Her eyes glanced over his long torso, enjoying the lines of his body all over again. Negan was stunning and she could never get sick of seeing him.

“Let’s play a game,” Negan slurred, pushing his sunglasses up to rest at the top of his head and he saw her eyebrows perk up in interest. Licking over his lips in a long sweep, he sighed and nodded. “Truth or dare?”

“Seriously?” she snickered and he nodded. She wasn’t really one for that game, especially since growing up it always felt like a childish ploy to get people to do something stupid or to get someone in trouble. Relaxing at the thought, she sighed and nodded. “Okay then…dare.”

“I dare you to get in this fucking pool with me right now,” Negan snapped his fingers and she rolled her eyes before scooting back and further away from him. Negan grunted when he saw her embarrassment at the idea flushing over her. “Your parents have fucking hedges surrounding this fucking backyard. We could be having a fucking nudist party where everyone is fucking and the neighbor’s would never know.”

When he noticed her still nervous at the idea, he huffed heavily and reached for his bathing suit. Negan pulled the material from his body being careful enough to still stay on top of the float he was on. Negan tossed his wet bathing suit aside and gave her a dramatic, over the top look before resting back on the float again.

“Cocks out, your turn,” Negan demanded, his eyes narrowing out at her and he could see the gears turning inside of her head the more she thought about it. “Remember what I said last night. Stop letting your mind control your actions. You’re fucking gorgeous, so take that robe off and get in this fucking pool.”

A proud smile expanded over his features when he watched her stand up from the seat. She slowly unhooked the knot in the robe before pushing the robe cautiously from her body. When the material hit the ground, he let out a small rumble of a laugh before resting back onto the float more comfortably, “Good girl.”

Y/N jumped in the water with Negan and he watched her swim in closer toward him, “Truth or dare?”

“Hmm…truth,” Negan licked over his lips and when she got close enough to him, she could see that his eyes were hooked on hers.

“What’s the outcome here between the two of us?” she inquired and her question caused a small huff to escape his lips. “What is this?”

“I’m giving you a present before you go to college. I’m thinking a few times we fuck around. We fuck once with a one and done. We both go our separate ways,” Negan answered honestly, shrugging his shoulders as he spoke. “We both know better that we can’t have something from this, but I want to fuck you and you sure as hell want to fuck me. So I figure before you go off to college and I go back to teaching a new school year…we get the single deed done.”

His answer made her blush and a deep, guttural laugh fell from his lips. He traced his fingertips over his chest and he could see her eyes following the movement. Negan licked his lips again in amusement, “Your turn doll.”

“Truth,” she responded and swallowed down hard. The way Negan was teasing his fingers over his wet, hairy chest was causing a chill to press up her spine. Her eyes fell over the tattoo that covered his flesh and she gulped down heavily. The tattoos that covered his body made him all the more appealing to her. 

“In what way do you want to lose your virginity to me?” he inquired, dropping his sunglasses back down his face before folding his arms back behind his head again. Negan was cocky, but he looked good and she knew that he clearly understood how she felt about him. So this felt more like flaunting his body in front of her since he knew how much she loved it.

“I thought you didn’t like planning things,” she pointed out and he snickered.

“I didn’t say tell me what way I’m going to take your virginity, I asked in what way would you want it to be taken? You’ve had to have thought about it?” Negan adjusted his long body out on the float and she swam in closer to him. When he noticed her closeness, he looked to her.

“I don’t know, I think most girls naturally dream of losing it in a way that they find special. Like, under the stars or some shit,” she explained with a half laugh and Negan’s nose wrinkled at her response. “If you were someone I was dating, maybe take me on a date, rent out the local aquarium, do something special and then…we do it.”

“At the fucking aquarium? What? You want me to be balls deep while a whale watches?” Negan teased with a snort and he felt her splash him, making him laugh. “That actually sounds fucking wild. I mean, can’t say that’s something you’d really enjoy for your first time, but you’re kind of a freak. You want me to take you while pressed up against one of those glass aquarium walls with a bunch of fucking fish watching?”

“I meant taking me on a date somewhere cool like that and then doing it in a bed, like I imagine would be the most comfortable for a first time,” she reached out to smack him in the hip hearing him snort when she did it. “I just think it’s really pretty there at the aquarium.”

“Ah, I see,” Negan nodded, his nose wrinkling again when he thought about what she said. “Under the stars, that’s so fucking extra. I’ll make you see stars if that’s what you really want from me.”

“You really think you’re that good, don’t you?” she laughed with a roll of her eyes. His smirk expanded and he nodded confidently.

“I don’t think darlin’, I know I am,” Negan insisted with a sigh and he brought his hand down to slide it down his abdomen in almost a tease again. “I’ll go with truth since that seems to be where our game is headed here.”

“And I can ask you anything?” she confirmed and Negan gave her a single nod. The smirk on his face did things to her. There was something in his arrogance that really got her going. She reached up to trace her fingertips over his thigh and could see him shudder at the touch. “Why don’t you like kissing people Negan? You’re really good at it, but until I kissed you myself, you were very anti kissing.”

“I can’t answer the real reason for that. You’ll hate me,” Negan bluntly responded making her laugh. “I’m serious. If I were to be completely fucking honest with you, you might never want to talk to me again.”

“Okay, well then tell me in a way that I won’t hate you,” she reached further up his body to squeeze over his inner thigh and he let out a soft moan at the sensation of her teasing over his flesh.

“Alright,” Negan cracked a smile and looked down to watch her touching him. His lips parted and he licked his lips when her hand slid further up toward his groin. Negan hummed when she cupped softly at his testicles making him arch his hips toward her. The touch was delicate and he was impressed with the fact she was actually bold enough to touch him. “I don’t like kissing because it’s too personal. When you’re kissing, you’re with someone on a personal level. There is a connection and a bond that I really don’t want to share with people. If I’m fucking someone and I’m never going to see them again, I don’t want to fucking kiss them. Plus you end up tasting like that person. To be quite honest with you, this thing we have going on between us is fucking weird for me. I don’t kiss and I don’t go down on people in flings. It goes back to that whole tasting like someone. That’s why I find myself fucking shocked shitless that I’ve done both those things with you.”

“Are you saying we have a bond then Negan?” she poked further at him and he smiled brightly. He leaned up on the float and Negan reached out to grab a tight hold of her jaw. He pulled her close to him and his lips crushed in over hers, kissing her firmly. She whimpered against his mouth and his tongue dipped between her lips, caressing over hers in a heated fashion before he hummed.

“I’m saying you taste fucking amazing and it makes me do things,” Negan pulled his mouth away and he rest his forehead against hers. He reached up to caress his thumb over her bottom lip before bringing his thumb up to his lips to suck over it. “Aren’t you the slightest bit interested in how I fucking taste?”

“I can already tell you that I think you taste amazing,” she went in to kiss him again and he pulled away with a smirk. He made a tisking noise and then sighed heavily.

“Truth or dare?” Negan grumbled and she laughed before feeling his fingertips sliding into her hair and caressing at the back of her scalp. “To be honest with you, I’m really fucking hoping you don’t pick truth again." 

“Well when you put it like that…dare,” she answered with a smirk knowing she was giving him what he wanted and he licked his lips.

“Taste me…” he ordered, swallowing down heavily as he watched her cheeks blush over. Negan felt her moving in closer to him and he felt her hand connect with his body. He looked down to see her caressing her hand over his length and he groaned.

“Yes sir,” she nodded, looking down to see him getting harder within her caress. Negan urged her to his mouth again and he kissed her sloppily. His moan vibrated against her mouth and he grunted. “I might need…”

“Direction?” he finished her sentence seeing her eyes shifting between him and his body. “Good thing you have the best fucking teacher I know right in front of you doll.” 

“You must not know a lot of teachers then,” she teased and he half laughed, grabbing firmly at her jaw to pull her close to him. His teeth nipped at her bottom lip while her palm continued to caress over his length.

“You’re a little smart ass, you know that?” he muttered against her lips and she giggled. Negan’s tongue flicked out over the inside of her bottom lip and she softly moaned into his mouth. “Something tells me once I teach you right; we’ll be able to put that mouth to good use.”

Negan’s hand slid in over the back of her neck before urging her to lower her head down his body. Obeying, she did as he urged and pressed kisses down his chest making his stomach cave in from heavy breathing. His body shuddered as she got further down his abdomen and when she lowered herself, she felt his fingertips caressing at the back of her shoulders.

“Angle your body the other way, I want to watch you,” Negan growled as she turned her body so she was facing him. Negan reached down to grab at the base of his thick body and he squeezed firmly at it. “You don’t want to go in and choke yourself out. I’m bigger, that would turn you off of this immediately. Just, focus on the tip until you’re ready. You’ll be able to tell when I like something and when I don’t, but I know this is your first time and shit, so I’m not going to give you a hard time.”

“I think I get it Negan, but thank you,” she smirked finding it kind of charming that he was telling her he wouldn’t go hard on her. He still had his sunglasses on and it was hard to see what his reactions were, but she saw his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat and she smiled. Tipping forward, she pressed soft kisses against his shaft and he tilted his head to the side to watch her. His hips arched up toward her and she reached for his hand that was wrapped firmly around the base of his cock to get him to release it. Her hand replaced his while she firmly caressed up and down over his body. Dragging her tongue along the side of his erection, she heard him inhale sharply and looked up to see his jaw clenching. Taking her time, she pressed teasing flicks and kisses all along the length of his body and could hear his breathing getting heavier. “Okay so far?”

“You’re a cock tease so far, but yeah…you’re good,” Negan grunted and she laughed against his body making him shudder. Negan’s fingers reached out to sweep over her jaw and into her hair while she raised her tongue up to the underside of his cock right under the tip. Negan shuddered and she smiled brightly when he did it. Negan’s tongue swept out over his bottom lip in an erotic sweep before she wrapped her lips around the tip of his cock. “Good girl…fuck…”

Negan’s hips somewhat raised toward her mouth while she took him further back and teased her tongue over his body. Carefully lowering her mouth over his length and then back, she took her time flicking her tongue over his sensitive flesh. After a while, she pulled her lips from his erection with a popping sound and heard him whine. Raising her hand up, she caressed at the tip of his cock while teasing her tongue over the slit. The taste of him was foreign, but by the way he was reacting to her doing this to him was perfect and she found herself getting used to everything really fast. Negan’s head dropped back, his lips parting while the vein at the side of his neck was showing clearly. The reactions he was giving were so damn sexy and she could feel chills filling her entire body. Pulling away, she saw him lift his head to look down at her and she playfully pouted.

“Take the sunglasses off and I’ll keep going,” she insisted with a nod and Negan frowned. Clearly he was used to being in control of everything, but he did as she requested. He pulled the sunglasses from his face and tossed them aside. When his hazel eyes narrowed and looked down at her she smiled brightly. “It makes things more interesting.”

“Whatever works in making you wrap those pretty little lips of yours around my cock again,” Negan snorted, sweeping his tongue out over his bottom lip again in an eager flick. She was amused with his reaction and lowered back down to take him into her mouth. Negan’s fingertips tightened into her hair as he urged her movements over his cock. “Do you think…you’re okay…with taking more?”

Attempting to do what he asked, she tried to loosen up her throat and bobbed her head over his body at the pace he was setting with his hand. Negan’s moans were filling the air and she lifted her eyes to watch him. Negan’s eyes were hooked on hers and she could feel his fingers hooking tighter into her hair to help her with her movements.

“Fuck sweetheart,” Negan dropped his head back and hissed out. “Don’t be afraid to put a bit more pressure…”

She took his suggestion while pumping her hand over his body at the pace he had set with her mouth over him. Negan’s chest was rising and falling heavily and his eyes were hooded. When she followed through with his motions, a deep grunt fell from his throat and he tossed his head back. His neck was flexed, his chest the same and she found herself working harder to get him to the release he was clearly eager to have. 

“Fuck…fuck…” Negan stammered when she pulled her lips away from his body again. She quickly caressed over his body and he whined. Looking over his erection, she could see it twitching in her grasp. Pre-cum was developing at the tip and she leaned forward to drag her tongue over the head of his cock making him groan as she collected the taste of him on her tongue. Negan reached out to press her hair behind her ear to watch her while she did it and he huffed heavily. “Fucking tease.”

Negan firmly grabbed at the back of her neck and she took his urgings to wrap her lips back around his cock. Her tongue dragged over the underside of his body while her head made bobbing motions over him. There was a desperation in his breathing and she wanted to help him reach what he had done for her last night. His hisses were filling the air giving her the sure signs he was close and she pumped at his body harder. 

“I’m gonna cum soon. If you don’t want to swallow…” Negan moaned out when he felt her starting to bob faster and suck harder at his body. Negan hissed, his stomach clenching while she continued through with her movements. He was surprised how bold she actually was while giving him a blowjob. She was nervous as hell with what he did last night, but right now she was going through the motions with no fear. Her eyes were hooked on his and his eyebrows clenched. His jaw lowered and a moan fell from his lips. Negan’s hips arched up when he felt his body twitching inside of her throat. Her eyes flinched closed for a moment when the first line of his cum hit the back of her throat, but when he touched her face she opened them. He could feel her swallowing around his body and he reached down to grasp at her head with both of his hands. God she looked amazing with his cock in her mouth. It was something he had pictured, but never truly believed would actually happen. His body was shaking and his heart hammering inside of his chest. “Fuck…me.”

Negan’s moans filled the air while she continued through with the movement of her mouth over his body. Negan’s orgasm hit him harder than he expected while her tongue continued to lap at his body. He was surprised how she eagerly swallowed down his seed and he dropped his head back when she finished milking him of his release. His chest was rising and falling heavily. Y/N pulled her lips from his body with a slurping sound and he lowered his head to watch her jerking him a few more times to make sure she milked him completely of his orgasm. Her tongue dragged over the head again and he whined, reaching out to caress over the side of her face with his rough fingertips.

“Was that okay?” she confirmed gasping when he hopped off the float and into the water with her. He backed her up against the side of the pool and his mouth was over hers in no time. His tongue teased and flicked over hers, almost as if he was desperate to get the taste of himself from her mouth and tongue. He hummed into her mouth causing shudders to fill her body and she clutched at his wet, dark hair. 

“Let’s just say,” Negan breathed against her lips, his hand squeezing over her sides while he pressed himself up against her. “If you were my student, I’d be asking you to take a re-test and not because it was awful.”

“And that’s a good thing?” she purred against the warmth of his mouth. Negan chuckled and he nodded. His tongue flicked out against hers again causing her body to warm up to his. He was getting her hot all over again and with how eagerly he was touching her and how forcefully he was kissing her, she assumed there was more to come.

“That’s a very…very good thing,” Negan muttered against her flesh when he started to kiss over the side of her neck. His teeth nipped at her skin and her body was shaking from his reaction. “I was worried too. First time and all, I never thought I’d want to do it again…but fuck, you’re a good little cock sucker.”

Negan gave her one final kiss before pulling himself out of the pool. She watched as he reached for the towel he had out on the table for himself. He started wiping himself off while she looked up at him from the water. For some reason she had thought to herself that it would go further than it had. Negan reached down to grab his sunglasses that he tossed and pulled them back over his face.

“I’m fucking hungry,” Negan informed her, wrapping the towel loosely around his waist. He wiped at his bottom lip and nodded toward the house. “I’m thinking pizza. You have a preference on toppings?”

“No,” she shook her head watching him brush his wet hair back and she found herself amazed that he was just acting like nothing happened between them so fast. Pulling herself to the edge of the pool, she felt Negan helping her out. Negan grabbed her robe and held it up for her so she could pull the material back over her body. “So now what?”

“I’m gonna call a pizza place and get some pizza delivered. I’m also thinking of watching a movie or something. You interested?” Negan inquired hearing her sigh as he nodded back toward the house.

“Sure,” she agreed before he moved back inside. What was going on with Negan was definitely different and she knew that she should feel lucky for what she was getting, but to say it was awkward and confusing was an understatement. She still had the taste of him over her mouth. Reaching up to trace over her lips, she thought back to a time when she never saw this as possible and now she was living out everything she could have dreamt of and more. So she really thought she should ignore the odd feelings about everything and continue to roll with the flow of it all. Heading back to the house, she entered to hear he was finishing up with the phone call. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fucking great, but I’m gonna go upstairs and get dressed,” Negan nodded, rubbing his hands together. He pointed upwards and she felt him moving in closer to her. Part of her was excited at his closeness, but he smirked and moved beyond her. It almost disappointed her until she felt him firmly smacking over her bottom. The echo filled the kitchen and made her gasp. “Just saying, that was the best game of truth or dare I’ve ever done.”

A shit eating grin pressed in over her features before he quickly moved back up the stairs to get dressed. The fact that he seemed to be at least impressed with her made her feel good. Knowing that he stressed that he’d want her to do it again for him made her feel all the better and eager for more.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan and the reader continue to fool around with each other, but Y/N isn't quite sure where their relationship is really headed after Negan starts changing the rules.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so bad at summarizing these chapters lol. As always with this story, there is some smut to it.

“Ah….fuck me,” Negan's grunts filled the air as he looked down toward the center of his lap to see Y/N bobbing her head over his length. Negan caressed his fingers over her shoulders while she gave him a blowjob. It had been a few days since they had started fooling around with each other. While alone together, they had been spending a lot of time together and often it would lead to something like this. They had just sat down to watch a movie together. Playfully kissing had gone from one thing to another and here they were. Over the last few days they had done pretty much everything multiple times…except for sex. Negan made it clear he didn’t want to have sex with her, yet. “Y/N…”

Negan moaned out her name and dropped his head on the back of the couch. A wince fell from his lips when he felt a chill running down his spine. Her mouth was focusing at the tip of his body, her tongue flicking and teasing at the underside of his cock. His eyes slammed shut and he could feel her suctioning harder around him. The warmth of her mouth along with the teasing of her tongue was driving him crazy and she knew it. By now, she seemed to be pretty good at reading what he liked. 

“Don’t stop,” Negan begged hearing the wet sounds her mouth made over him and he grunted, his hips arching up when she moved faster over him. “Fuck…fuck…fucking…”

Negan roared, reaching with his left hand to grab a tight hold of her hair when he felt his orgasm hitting him like a bag of bricks. Her hand pumped over his length while she swallowed down his release. Negan's body twitched and locked up while she continued to milk him of his release. Negan lowered his head to watch her eyes hooked on his. There was something so sexy about the way she listened to what he liked. Negan huffed heavily when she pulled her lips away from his cock with a wet sound. Her tongue swept lines over the tip of his cock and he hummed with approval while she lapped up the taste of him.

“You…keep getting better,” Negan looked to his cock as she released it. He felt chills filling his body and his abdomen was still contracting from his orgasm. "I have to be honest, I never saw you being the kind of girl to swallow."

"Yeah?" she smirked while pressing kisses down his shaft, toward the base of his cock and he licked his lips. "I guess I proved you wrong." 

"Oh you most certainly fucking did," Negan snorted and moaned out when he felt her tongue dragging along the length of his cock again. “It feels so fucking good with you doing that.”

“I’m glad you like it,” she purred, lifting her head up enough to lick at her lips. Negan reached down to grab at her to pull her back up to him again. His mouth was eager to meet hers to taste himself over her lips. She was so much bolder in the way she kissed him now. It hadn't been that long, but just the few days they were able to spend alone together she had improved greatly. "Do you think..." 

"No," Negan hushed reaching up to place his index finger over her lips. Her eyes glanced down at his body again with a pout making him laugh. He lifted his hips up and pulled his pants back over his body. Tucking himself carefully back into his jeans, he zipped together the material and worked on pulling the belt buckle back together. "You're too eager. When you stop asking about it, that's when it is going to happen." 

"I'm never going to stop asking about it because who knows how long my parents are going to be away," she retorted and Negan laughed. He leaned forward and nestled his nose against the side of her neck. She felt him pressing soft kisses over the side of her neck and she found herself falling more for Negan each second. "I thought we were going to be doing a one and done. This has all been pretty steady." 

"I only said we were going to fuck once and be done. I didn't say we wouldn't be fooling around for the time being that I'm here," Negan rumbled against the side of her neck making her laugh when his short beard teased over her skin. 

"How long do you think you are going to be here?" she reached up to tangle her fingers into his dark hair and he grunted against the side of her neck. 

"I don't know. Work has is going to need me to train a little bit before it starts. They are giving me shit I have to do with my classes," Negan informed her, his lips traveling up over the side of her neck and toward her ear. "It depends on how things go. Maybe until the rest of summer is over. Are you eager to have me gone?" 

"No..." she blurt out and her eagerness to answer made him chuckle. "I just...really like being with you." 

"I really like being with you too," Negan's tongue dragged over her earlobe, making her shudder. Negan felt her turn to him so her lips could mesh over his. He was slow in the way he kissed her building up the pressure of it gradually before sweeping his tongue teasingly between her lips. "What's been your favorite thing thus far?" 

"Everything," she fed into his ego and saw him smirk before moving in to kiss her again. Honestly, her favorite thing was that they were together at night. Negan seemed to like crawling in bed with her at night or vice versa. Each night would end with them kissing or sometimes talking until falling asleep. She really liked that bit, but she knew Negan was out for just a fling, so an answer like that would probably scare him away. Getting to talk with him, watch television with him and just hang out with him was really the stuff she enjoyed the most. She had gotten to learn a lot about Negan in the time they were together and it was really more than just sexual stuff. "You're gorgeous." 

"I know," he teased only to feel her swat him in the chest. His nose wrinkled and his silly laugh filled the air. "You're gorgeous yourself." 

There was a bit of silence that filled the air as Negan got settled on the couch again. He kicked up his feet on the coffee table and she noticed him look to the television before glancing to her again, "You pay attention at all to the movie?" 

"Not at all," she replied with a heavy sigh, scooting in closer to him on the couch. His arm hooked around her shoulders while she leaned in against his chest. She knew that Negan was going for a fling, but all this cuddling and hanging out together felt like something more. The thought that he was her father's friend often made the idea weird that they were so close, but she didn't care. There was something about her and Negan that just clicked. She liked the extras that came with all of this. 

“This weekend there is something I want to take you to,” Negan informed her with a heavy breath, his chin resting at the top of her head while she laid against the center of his chest.

“Oh yeah?” she felt his fingertips teasing through her hair and found herself getting more comfortable over him.

“So be sure to keep your schedule open,” he teased hearing her chuckle considering she had made sure this entire time to keep her schedule open. Neither one of them had really done much of anything since her parents had been gone other than spend time with one another. Her friends that had wanted to spent time with her likely would be pissed at her after how much she had blown them off. 

“So what do you have planned?” she lifted her head to look up at him. There was something mischievous in his eyes when he shrugged. Teasing her fingertips over the center of his chest, she pouted and he shook his head.

“I’m sorry darlin’, but I’m not gonna fall for that whole cuteness act,” Negan reached out with his other hand to caress over the side of her face with his rough fingertips. “You’re adorable, but if I don’t want to tell you, I’m not gonna…”

“You think I’m cute?” she teased and he smirked at her response. The bridge of his nose wrinkled while his eyes searched hers. “Careful Negan, you’re turning out to be a lot sweeter than I thought you were.”

“Nah, that was just all the fruit I ate this morning,” Negan jokingly responded and he heard her let out a disgusted sound when she rolled her eyes. “Ohhhhh…I thought you were talking about my cum after you…”

“You can’t be serious, just for a moment, can you?” she retorted and he tilted his head to the side in amusement. She frowned, but before she could continue she felt his fingertips teasing at her sides making her wiggle above him. Within seconds he had her flipped over onto her back while he tickled at her body. “Negan! Stop! That’s not funny.”

“Oh that shit isn’t funny? Then why are you fucking laughing?” Negan snickered while she attempted to pull away from him. “Who wants to be serious when you can pull a laugh out of someone like that? Something you will never get out of me is serious doll.”

“I give up,” she gasped when she felt him tickling harder at her body. She reached up to try and swat at his chest to get him to give up, but he carefully moved in over. His forehead was resting against hers and she reached up to hook her fingertips into his hair. The closeness of him felt amazing while he nestled his nose up against hers. "Negan…?”

“Yeah?” he breathed out leaning into her touch when her palm slid down over the side of his face. The sensation of her fingertips teasing through is short beard was felt and he closed his eyes. Nothing had felt better than this moment for her. It was very sweet, it was very close and something she absolutely loved. She wanted to bring it up, but she was afraid to.

The sound of the front door opening was heard and Negan quickly shifted from above her and scattered back to the seat he was in originally. Moving up on the opposite side of the couch, she felt her heart pounding inside of her chest at the sound of keys dangling. There was a sense of worry, but a strong sense of disappointment in knowing that her parents were back from their trip. It wasn't even supposed to be today that they were back, so that idea alone made it all the more depressing. 

"Oh, hey you two," Y/N's father walked into the room to see them sitting together. He gave them an odd expression and when she looked to Negan she could see him blankly staring at the screen. "What are you two watching?" 

At the same time they blurted out different answers. Negan answered a comedy and Y/N answered a horror film. Y/N was right and when her father looked to the screen, Negan cleared his throat uneasily. 

"Well, it's a horror, but you know how fucking cheesy these films are," Negan cleared his throat and her father smirked before nodding toward the front door. 

"I have to help your mother with things, but how do you guys feel about getting dinner out?" her father suggested and Negan looked to her with a nervous expression. When Negan nodded, her father snapped his fingers and Negan grunted when they were alone.

“That was fucked up,” Negan snorted, leaning forward on the couch to pinch at the bridge of his nose. It was clear he was uncomfortable when he stood up from the couch and reached his leather jacket that he had draped over the side of it. When he went to move beyond her, he felt her reach out to grab his fingers with hers. Negan’s eyes looked down before pulling his fingers form hers and shaking his head. “Don’t. Not in front of them…”

Negan looked to the front door knowing that it was pure luck that they weren’t caught moments earlier when his best friend’s daughter was giving him a blow job on the couch. Negan huffed and moved away from her without saying another word. It left her saddened, but she understood. It was clear that her parents had ruined the mood and she damned them for that.

* * *

Dropping down on the bed after dinner with her parents and Negan, Y/N let out a long, frustrated sigh. Dinner was uncomfortable to say the least. Negan barely acknowledged her and when he did talk about her, he refused to look her in the eyes. Negan had told a bunch of bullshit stories about things he had done while they were gone and they believed him. Hell, he was good at telling a story. His smile, his laugh, his arrogance…it all tied in together to sell a good story. She would have almost fell for it too if she hadn’t spent those days alone with him. Apparently her father had come home early for work and she found herself disappointed. She loved having the place alone to themselves when it was just her and Negan. Now it seemed like having her parents home would complicate things.

At dinner she had tried grabbing Negan’s hand under the table and he had almost thought about it for a second before pulling away from her at the table. It almost seemed like what they had going on had abruptly ended as soon as her father walked through the front door.

Getting ready for bed after laying there for a while, she was midway through changing when the sound of her door pushing open was heard. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Negan at the door. Giving him a confused expression, she saw him quietly moving into the room and closing the door behind him. He locked the door and motioned her to stay quiet.

“What are you doing?” she whispered seeing that he was still wearing his white t-shirt and dark gray pants, but he was barefoot. There was a bag that he was carrying in his hand and she was shocked that he was there since he had been avoiding her all night. “Negan?”

“Sh…” Negan moved in closer to her, setting his bag on the edge of the bed. He reached out to press his hands in over her hips, pulling her close to him with a demanding tug. An uncontrollable smile pressed in over her lips at the sight of his hair messy. She wasn’t used to a disheveled look on Negan, so she loved the look. Negan’s thick eyebrows rose while he took a look over the pajamas she was putting on. “Why are you putting those clothes on? What about that nightgown I got you?”

“Oh yeah, that would work real well with my parents,” she informed him with a chuckle and he pouted. A sharp breath escaped her lips when his mouth was over her jawline and kissing over her flesh. It was like none of what had happened the last few hours really did and he went straight back to what they were like before her parents had shown up. “Negan?”

“Your parents are in bed. You have to be fucking quiet or I’m a dead man,” Negan insisted with a snicker and she turned her head toward him.

The sensation of his laugh against her neck caused a chill to fill her body and she reached up to grab a hold of his thick, dark hair. His hazel eyes searched hers for a moment before pressing forward to meet her lips in a forceful kiss. Soft moans fell from her throat at the first hint of his tongue pressing in over hers. There was something to be said about the taste and smell of Negan. A small hint of the cigarettes that Negan had been smoking lingered and she actually loved it. It was Negan. The scent of menthol often followed Negan wherever he went and she loved it. It was something that stuck with her after being with him.

Negan urged her to remove the rest of her clothes and when she reached for his shirt, he shook his head. “Get on your bed for me baby…I have a present for you.”

“A present?” she breathed out and a cocky, arrogant smile spread over his handsome features. Listening to what he told her, she swallowed down and carefully moved in over her bed on her knees. Looking back over her shoulder, she saw Negan eyeing her over. He licked his lips in a desperate sweep and she watched him step in closer to the bed.

“I know what you’re doing,” Negan reached out with his palm to squeeze over her full bottom. His palms slid in over her hips before sliding up her body toward her sides. He teased his rough hands over her body before sliding them underneath her to softly squeeze and cup at her breasts. Negan’s groin pressed in over her bottom, causing her to inhale sharply. Her eyes closed as she backed herself up against him. “You want me to fuck that pretty little virgin pussy, don’t you?”

“Yes,” she panted feeling his hands grabbing a tight hold of her hips. The sound of him letting out a small groan was heard when he softly rocked his hips forward against her. “Please…”

“That’s not gonna happen now that your parents are home,” Negan answered making her let out a saddened sound and Negan’s thick laugh filled the air. Negan leaned in over her, his teeth biting at her shoulder. Shuddering, she knew that he would be leaving a mark on her. It seemed like he liked leaving marks on her. She rocked her hips back against him again and he hissed out. “Don’t worry. I said that’s not going to happen now that your parents are home. I didn’t say it wasn’t going to happen. You are going to make noise when I’m fucking you, I guarantee that. We can’t have your first time having me forcing my hand over your mouth to keep you from making a sound. What fun would that be? I want to hear every sound you make when I’m balls deep inside of you, fucking you.”

“So what is this then?” she purred feeling him rocking himself against her bottom and the more he did it, the wetter she felt herself getting. There was a heat pooling at her core and her body felt like it was on fire.

“I’m torturing my fucking cock, that’s what,” Negan huffed and she felt him pulling away from her. She whined when the friction left knowing that it had felt amazing.

“Please,” she reached around her to grasp at Negan’s hips. He let out an amused sound when she tried to urge him back toward her. “Don’t stop. Please. You feel so good.”

“You like that baby? You like rubbing against my cock?” Negan teased getting up on his knees behind her. His hand slid up her spine, tracing his rough fingertips over her skin. He saw her shudder upon contact. Amusement filled his body with how eager she was to have him close. “If you like that sweetheart, you are going to fucking love when it’s inside of you.”

“I want that so bad,” she felt him leaning over her. His left hand pressed in beside hers and his right hand grabbed a tight hold of her jaw. He urged her into kissing him, his tongue flicking over hers when he did it. A whine fell from her lips when he bit and tugged at her bottom lip. “Please Negan…”

“I told you…no,” Negan growled, grasping tighter at her jaw. The sound of her breathing shakily was heard and he bit at his bottom lip. “We can’t fuck while your parents are in the house baby girl.”

Negan started to slowly and teasingly buck his hips against her bottom causing her to softly mewl out. His hand pressed in over her lips to keep her silent while the friction from him rubbing against her clearly drove her wild with desire. Negan groaned himself when he felt her mouth kissing over the center of his palm. Cuss words fell from his lips when he felt her lips wrapping around the tips of his fingers to suck over them.

“Fuck, you are pulling me away from the original plans I came in here for,” Negan insisted looking down to see her naked bottom rubbing up against his groin. Negan growled, pulling his fingers away from her lips and he grasped her jaw firmly. “You feel how hard you’ve made daddy’s big cock?”

“Daddy?” she purred, looking to him with an amused expression. Negan nodded proudly before slamming his lips in over hers. Negan growled against her lips while he felt her still rocking back into him. “I’m not sure my real dad would like me calling you daddy.”

“And that makes it more interesting,” Negan slurred with a proud smile while his lips still lingered over hers. “You’re such a naughty little girl for changing my game plan here.”

“Mmm, good,” she teased her tongue over his bottom lip and felt his hand grasping tightly at her neck, yanking it back a bit. Negan’s grasp was strong, but she felt him pulling his hips away from her and she whined. Her body was tingling from the friction that rubbing up against him had been providing. With it gone, she found herself shaking before him. A firm smack was felt over her bottom and she whimpered slightly, but bit down on her bottom lip to keep herself silent so her parents couldn’t hear them.

“Fuck, you’re such a bad girl,” Negan hummed, reaching him palms out to squeeze over her bottom. He played with the flesh, taking his time to watch her trembling before him naked. Bring his hand back, he tilted his head to the side and smiled before smacking firmly over her bottom again. She arched her back and she knew he was doing this to test how quiet she could be. A red mark was pressing over her flesh and he bit firmly at his bottom lip, proud of what he had accomplished thus far. “You like that sweetheart?”

“Yes daddy,” she panted and a proud laugh fell from his lips. She went there with the daddy comment and he was loving it. Spanking firmly over her bottom again, he heard her softly purr and he pulled back. Looking down toward the center of his pants, he could see his hard cock straining against the material. The little stunt she pulled with rubbing up against him certainly didn’t help. “Please…”

“Please what?” Negan squeezed at her bottom, a growl falling from her lips when he watched her wiggle her ass before him. “The sweet innocent little girl I once knew is so fucking naughty.”

“I want to feel your cock against me again, please…” she begged looking over her shoulder. When Negan noticed her look he smiled and shook his head. She saw him squeezing at his body before reaching for the bag. “Negan, please…”

“When I say no, I mean no,” Negan insisted with a grunt and a gasp fell from her lips when he firmly flipped her over onto her back. Negan crawled in the bed beside her and she reached out instinctively to hook her fingers into his hair. Negan reached across her body to go inside the bag he brought, but before she could see what he was reaching for, his lips were over hers. His mouth was caressing over hers again and again, sinking her into the same games they had been playing the last few days. She loved kissing him so much. That was definitely one thing that Negan was very good at. A gasp fell from her lips when she felt the coolness of something pressing under her breast and then whimpered when she felt it being dragged across her nipple as it vibrated against her sensitive flesh. When she made another noise, Negan hushed against her lips and continued to forcefully kiss her. “Shh….”

“What is that?” she breathed against his flesh when he bit at her bottom lip and caused her to whimper.

“It’s a bullet vibrator,” Negan answered with a wicked smirk, leaning back far enough on his elbow to stare over her naked body. Negan dragged the small silver device underneath her breast and she arched up into it. “I figure now that your parents are home, you’re going to have to have something to keep you…focused when I’m not here. There is only one fucking rule with it though…”

“Negan,” she whined when he brought the small device down her abdomen and closer to her thighs.

“You can use it on your body, but it’s not allowed to go inside of you,” Negan firmly hissed, moving in to kiss her again, but it was just a quick peck this time so he could watch the way her body reacted to him teasing her with the small device. “Nothing gets to go inside of you before me…”

“Jesus,” her body began to tremor when he dragged it over her core, teasing the sensitive lips of her body. Involuntarily arching up, she felt Negan’s mouth surround her breast while his tongue flicked and teased over the small bud of her nipple. “Yes sir.”

“Good girl,” Negan slurred proudly against her skin, his tongue flicking out in circular motions around her nipple. The sound of her whimper filled the air when he applied more pressure over her flesh with the small, vibrating bullet. Negan looked down to see her hips shuddering when he dragged the device over her sensitive flesh. “Look at you…”

Negan felt her moving in to desperately kiss at his jawline and toward his neck, making him let out an amused sound. Her breaths were broken and she was shaking beside him. A growl fell from Negan’s throat when she bit at the side of his neck, but he urged her to do it again.

“Look what I’ve done to your daddy’s innocent little girl,” Negan boasted proudly, pulling back enough to lick over his lips before she felt the sensation of the tip of the vibrator tease over her clitoris. It caused her to coo out and Negan covered her mouth with his free hand. “Remember, we’re testing the whole quiet thing. How are we supposed to fool around if you can’t be quiet with your parents here?”

Nodding, she bit firmly into her bottom lip while Negan teased the device over her sensitive clitoris. The touch alone caused her to twitch and shake against the pressure. Her hips involuntarily rocked against the device, enjoying the way it felt. It turned her on all the more in the way Negan was doing this because it felt so dirty, but so right.

“Now it’s your turn,” Negan pulled the small device away from her body and she pouted. A laugh fell from his throat when he got up from the bed after handing her the vibrator. Negan reached for the chair by her desk and pulled it up beside the bed. “Finish yourself off. I want to watch.”

“I’d rather have you touching me,” she pleaded and he shook his head. His tongue clicked at the top of his mouth while his hazel eyes narrowed. He knew what he wanted and no matter how much she begged, she knew he wouldn’t give in. “Negan…”

“Do what I tell you or I’ll never give you what you want,” Negan answered and she frowned before getting more comfortable on the bed. She adjusted her legs enough so he could see her tracing over her body with the silver bullet. “Good girl.”

Negan closely eyed her over while she teased the cool material up and over her body. Her hips rocked up against the sensation, but she knew that Negan was better with it. She liked him using it, but was doing the best she could while he watched her. His hazel eyes shifted, his head tilting to the side while he watched her sliding the tip of the vibrator in circular motions around her clitoris.

“Are you close?” Negan questioned and in a desperate breath she nodded. Negan looked down toward the center of his pants and an excited sound fell from her throat when Negan managed to get his hard cock out from within them. Negan sheathed his cock in his palm while he watched her continue to tease over her already sensitive body with the vibrator. Her head tipped back, but she didn’t take her eyes from Negan while he jerked off watching her. She was enjoying the sights, but she honestly wished more that he was there with her instead. “Come on baby girl, focus.”

“It’s so much better when you are doing it,” she curled her bottom lip into a pout making a deep, amused laugh fall from Negan’s lips. “I really want you over here.”

“I really want you to finish what you are doing,” Negan groaned, looking down at his cock. It was straining in his grasps and she licked her lips at the sight. “I know what you want, but you’re going to have to learn to not always get what you want.”

“At least lose the shirt?” she suggested and Negan smiled brightly before nodding once. He released his cock and reached for the bottom of his shirt and tossed the material aside when he pulled it off. A pleased smile pressed in over her young features and he got more relaxed in the chair before stretching his legs out. He teased his fingers up and down the length of his cock and he heard her coo when she started sliding the vibrator over her body as he had done before. The sight of his slender body turned her on so much. The tattoos that covered his flesh were highlighted by the small amount of light that was on by her nightstand. Negan’s chest was flexing and she couldn’t help finding herself staring at him. The hair that covered his torso accentuated to his toned frame, but soon her eyes fell back to his thick, solid cock. Negan’s large fingers were wrapped around it and squeezing tightly while he thrust his hips up into his grasp. It was a sight she could never get sick of. Negan was so damn sexy that this was something she just wanted to imprint into her memories for as long as she could. “So much better.”

“Glad I could make you happy,” Negan winked before grunting out when urged his hand over his length faster. He was pumping his hand quickly over it while she felt her hips rocking up against the small bullet. Her body was shaking; her breathing was becoming small gasps. Every caress of the small, cool device over her body was driving her wild. Negan’s groan seemed to send her heart into a flutter and she bit firmly into her bottom lip. She shook and felt her whole body locking up. “Good girl.”

The sound of Negan quickly moving was heard and she gasped when he grabbed a hold of her and turned her over onto her stomach. He pulled her to the edge of the bed and she felt the warmth of him close up behind her. The world was spinning around her, her head getting a flooding rush and this all felt so amazing.

“Did that feel good?” Negan grunted and the humming of the device she had dropped when Negan flipped her onto her stomach was still heard, but she didn’t care. Catching a glimpse over her shoulder, she watched Negan pumping his hand firmly over his rock hard length while his other hand caressed over her bottom. A wince fell from her mouth when he smacked firmly over the flesh and she tried to rock back toward him. She could feel her body still reacting and desperate for something more after she hit that powerful orgasm from the vibrator Negan had given as a gift. “Stay still sweetheart.”

A roar fell from Negan’s throat as the first spray of his cum covered her bottom. A proud sound fell from his throat as he continued to caress his body and watch his strands of cum cover her ass and her lower back. “Good girl. Look at you…fuck.”

Y/N licked her lips and felt her body shaking. The warmth of Negan’s release covered her and she couldn’t believe how much this actually turned her on. Negan was teasing her with being so close to her, but he didn’t care. He had a plan and he was running with it without letting her in on it.

“Don’t move,” Negan ordered and she did as he requested. She heard him moving behind her and could tell he was pulling his pants back together. The sensation of him using some tissue to clean up the mess he covered with was felt and after she could feel his lips at her skin. “Get dressed. I’ll be back.”

Negan grabbed his shirt and gave her a wink before carefully leaving the room. She did as he told and waited for him. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she continued to wait until a knock on her window was heard and her heart nearly leapt out of her chest. Looking to the window she saw Negan out on the roof motioning her to let him in and she gave him an odd expression before doing what he wanted.

“What the fuck are you doing?” she laughed and he hushed her, climbing back into her bedroom with his pajama pants now on. He moved to her door and locked it while she closed up the window. Watching Negan crawl into her bed and pat the top of it, she felt herself amused with the moment. “Negan?”

“Listen, if you lock your door and your parents knock and you don’t respond…not good. If I lock my door and I don’t respond, they don’t care. So I locked my door, I crawled out the window so we could lie together. Or would you rather me go back to the other room and leave you alone tonight?” Negan snorted, his eyebrow arching as if waiting for a response from her. She quickly moved into bed with him after turning off the light. Negan laid in behind her and let her head rest on his inner arm while he wrapped his other around her to keep her close. “In the morning I’ll hop back in there.”

“Negan…” she breathed, feeling him nestling his nose against the side of her neck. The sexual stuff they were doing all felt like the kind of thing Negan said he wanted between them. But the cuddling at night together was truly starting to confuse her. It felt more than just a fling. Maybe it was her mind playing games with her because she wanted something more with Negan. Something so much more. The idea of just sleeping with him once didn’t really appeal to her. Not after all of this. “Can I ask you something?”

“No,” Negan grumbled under his breath, his nose nestling against the side of her neck. “We’re going to bed, whatever is on your mind, you can ask me tomorrow.”

“Okay…” she laughed hearing his tired breathing filling the air and she reached down to hook her fingertips with Negan’s. She was completely okay with the idea of Negan just being a fling at first, but this…this is what was truly starting to change things for her. And she didn’t know if it was purposeful or not.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan looks to move forward in his relationship with the reader, but it doesn't turn out the way she was expecting. Tension causes both of them to react differently toward each other before a different outcome happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any and all errors that will be found in this. I'll try to read this a few times over the next few days and edit it better.

Shifting in Negan's bed, Y/N felt the movement of Negan behind her. The warmth that was wrapped around her had left and she could hear the sounds of him moving. After her parents had left the house early in the morning for work, she had come into Negan's bedroom to talk for a while. It wasn't about anything significant. She never brought up the fact that she felt like they were closer to each other more than she cared to admit. The idea that there was something more between them had lingered in her mind for quite a while, but she didn't want to move on it, thinking that he may not feel the same. 

“Where are you going?” she yawned watching Negan stretch out his long torso once she turned to face him. Her eyes traveled the depths of his hips and she felt her mouth go dry at the very sight of him. The pajamas he was wearing were hanging low enough at his hips to give hint to the dark curls of hair that surrounded the base of his cock. The natural v that led to it with his hips accentuated the area all the more and she found herself completely turned on by Negan all over again. Once Negan caught onto what she was doing with her staring, he wrinkled his nose and laughed. A frown pressed in over her tired features when he began to pull his pajamas further up his hips to stop her from staring. “What?”

“You’re a little pervert,” Negan snorted with a laugh. She shrugged her shoulders while he reached up to rub at the back of his neck. Watching Negan stretch out his long, slender body gave her plenty of an eyeful and she was quite thankful for what she was seeing.

“I just like what I see Negan, there is nothing wrong with that. Think of it more as a compliment,” she nonchalantly responded and Negan snickered. He leaned back over the bed, bracing his weight with his left hand while his right reached out to urge her closer to him so they could kiss. Negan’s lips lingered over hers for moment, enough to brush his tongue softly against hers before pulling up and away from her.

“I like what I see too, so I’m glad you like what you see, but I didn’t question if you liked what you saw. I know you do,” Negan teased and felt her throwing the pillow at him. It hit him in the center of the chest and he laughed before tossing it back to her. “I’m going to get a shower in. Today is kind of a big day and I want to be clean for it.”

“Today is a big day?” she repeated his words and he nodded, giving her wink. “What’s so big about it?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Negan shrugged, his hazel eyes narrowing out at her. A wicked smile pressed over his handsome features making his dimples suck in while he looked her over. “Just relax and I’ll be back, okay?”

“You sure you don’t want some company?” She suggested and he shook his head. Reaching for the top of his pajamas, Negan shot her a glance and kept his hazel eyes locked on hers. Negan slowly pushed the material of his pajamas down his body and she watched closely. Her lips parted at the sight of him. It was clear that he was teasing her as he stepped out of his pajamas. He looked down at his body before meeting her glance again. Her eyes were surveying his naked body and he was proud of it. “You’re cruel.”

“You play with it enough,” Negan perked his eyebrow up, swiping his tongue over his bottom lip in a long sweep when he gestured to his dick. “You think that would be enough for you. I’ll be back.”

Negan winked and left her in the bedroom after a laugh and she rolled her eyes. Looking to his pajama pants at the center of the room, she sighed and dropped back on the bed. Part of her wanted to go to the bathroom to get in the shower with him anyways, but figured she would try to keep to herself for a little while. There was the thought in her mind that he almost was teasing to her to get her to get in the shower with him.

The sound of Negan’s phone going off was heard and she looked to it buzzing on the nightstand making her thoughts halt. When the ringing stopped, she shifted in the bed. Gulping down, she lifted up on the bed and thought about going to shower with Negan. She realized it would make her look desperate, but…she kind of was when it came to him.

After a moment of debating, she heard his phone buzzing again and she looked to the nightstand. Curiosity got the best of her and she scoot over to the side of the bed closest to it. The photo that popped up was one of Negan and a dark haired woman together. She swallowed down heavily and looked to the door again. Suddenly the urge to hop in the shower with Negan was trumped by the curiosity of the person calling Negan. When the called ended, she reached for the phone to only see it start buzzing again. Clearing her throat uneasily, she picked up his phone and held it in her hands looking the photo over.

Biting into her bottom lip, she lifted her head toward the door and debated trying to look at his phone when the call ended. Hearing the sound of something in the hallway, she tossed the phone back on the nightstand and moved to the side of the bed she was on originally. Negan moved into the room with a white towel wrapped loosely around his waist and she felt her heart pounding inside of her chest. Negan’s dark hair was slicked back and his body was still soaking wet. It accentuated the lines of his body and she felt her throat go dry.

“Kind of expected you to follow me in,” Negan informed her almost in a disappointed breath. Her eyes narrowed as he ran his hand over the front of his abdomen, tracing through the wet hair covering his body. “Little disappointed Y/N.”

“What?” she feigned innocence and watched Negan grin, his hazel eyes looking her over as she shifted over the bed. “When you tell me something, I listen to you…daddy.”

“Good girl,” Negan hushed her, amused with her calling him daddy. There was a sense of pride in the way she said it and Negan moved to the edge of the bed. His hands hooked into the towel and he pulled open the front of it. Her eyes surveyed over Negan’s body and he nodded down toward his cock. “I mean…he did miss you.”

“Did he?” she bit into her bottom lip, her eyebrow perking up in intrigue. She slid in closer to the edge bed. Negan’s grin expanded over his features when she started pressing soft, tender kisses over the center of his wet, slender torso. Negan hummed in approval when her kisses lowered down his body. Looking up, she saw Negan tip his head back, his eyes closing and his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. “I missed him too.”

“Yeah?” Negan’s eyes opened back up and he lowered his gaze to see her nod. She kissed softly at his navel before nipping at his flesh. She was teasing him all over his body, but not at all focusing on what he clearly wanted her to. “You’re fucking with me baby.”

“Oh, I would never,” she slurred against his skin and when she went to do as he pleased, the sound of his phone ringing was heard again. Negan looked over his shoulder to look at it buzzing on the nightstand and his whole body tensed when he saw it. Negan’s eyes got wide as he quickly pulled his towel back together and hastily reached for his phone. “Negan?”

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” Negan picked up his phone and looked it over. He hit a few buttons and she sensed that he was uncomfortable while he was looking through his phone. “My sister just called me a few times and clearly she needs something. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Okay,” she nodded and watched Negan move for his dark jeans. He quickly rid the towel and pulled them on, leaving the jeans undone before grabbing his cigarettes.

When he took off Y/N found herself intrigued. She should be giving him some space to call who he wanted, but her curiosity got the best of her. It was an odd response from Negan. Moving out of her room and across the hall, she went to the window that looked out into the backyard. She could see Negan outside on the phone smoking. He was leaning up against the deck and she could hear him bickering with the person on the phone. It was muffled with the window closed and she knew that she was stepping into hot water trying to hear what was going on. It wasn’t her business, but she couldn’t help herself. Carefully pulling open the window just a bit, she lowered down and listened to the best of her ability.

“It’s fucking funny that I leave you alone and it’s pretty much the most you’ve wanted to talk to me in a long time since I have. I thought the point of this was to have some space,” Negan grumbled and she could see him pulling the cigarette from his lips in an angry huff. Negan clearly listened to the person on the other line before letting out a laugh. “What is it you want from me? Fuck, it’s not like I’m doing exactly what you asked.”

Y/N watched closely as Negan paced while listening, “What do you want me to do at this point? I’m staying with friends.”

Hearing the sound of a bang behind her, Y/N looked over her shoulder to see that she had bumped into something and knocked it over. Her heart started hammering inside of her chest as she looked back to the window to see that Negan was looking up toward it.

Quickly moving as fast as she could, she stripped her clothes from her body and moved for the shower to quickly turn it on and jump in. She left what had fallen and had hopped in the shower to act like she wasn’t there to eavesdrop on what Negan was saying on the phone. She quickly lathered herself with the soap and took the quickest shower she probably had taken in quite some time. When she finished, she moved out of the shower to see that Negan was in the room. The way at which he was able to get into the restroom without making a sound scared the hell out of her. He was leaning against the counter of the sink, his cigarette still hanging from his lips while he eyed her over.

Y/N went to reach for the towel that was behind him and he moved in front of it to keep her from it. A half laugh escaped her lips, but she felt a nervous sensation at the way that Negan’s hazel eyes were watching her closely, “My parents are going to kill you if they knew you were smoking in their house.”

“Your dad would be alright with it,” Negan slurred and her eyes dropped down over his bare chest, looking over his opened jeans before meeting his glance again. “I have to go run some errands, but I have plans for us tonight. I’ll come get you when I’m ready.”

“Should I be wearing something…specific?” she blurt out and Negan shrugged his shoulders. “Is it somewhere nice?”

“Just dress relaxed,” Negan suggested with a heavy breath before nodding to cigarette. “I have to toss this shit out, but take your time and I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Sure,” she tipped up on her toes to meet him in a kiss and she could taste the cigarette that lingered over his lips. The way he was looking at her almost made it seem like he was suspicious of her, but she could feel his free hand curling around her waist to cup softly at her bottom. Pulling away from his kiss, she reached for the towel and sighed heavily. “You doing alright?”

“I’m fantastic. I’ll see you in a bit, okay?” Negan simply nodded and she did the same. Negan flashed a quick smile before heading out and she could still feel her heart hammering inside of her chest. Was Negan aware that she was spying on him while he was on the phone? Or was he just watching her? Either way she was tense about the situation.

A few hours had passed and it took her quite some time to debate on what she was going to wear for Negan. She didn’t know what he had planned, but she wanted to wear something nice for him. Something that she thought maybe he would like so she wore some tight clinging clothes. In the past Negan had made smart remarks about how he wanted her to start dressing sexy so that was what she was trying to do. Even though Negan didn’t seem to care for the most part with what she was wearing, she was trying to step up her game. Make him happy.

Negan told her that he would let her know when he was ready for her, so she waited around. Eventually her parents had come home. The sound of them bickering was muffled in the air and she pondered if they knew that she was there. Moving down the stairs, she heard the sounds of them in the kitchen and heard her mother giving her father a lecture.

Stepping closer, she went to listen to only feel the soft tugging sensation of someone grabbing a hold of her hand. Looking over her shoulder she saw Negan standing behind her. He motioned her to be silent by putting his finger over his lips and nodded toward the back of the house so they could leave out the back without her parents noticing. Following Negan, he firmly had her hand held in his and tugged her along with him down the street where he had his pickup truck parked. Giving him an odd expression when he looked back at her, she simply got in the truck with him when he motioned her to do so.

“So…where are we going?” she looked over to Negan as he got in the truck with her. Negan’s eyes looked her over for a minute before a smirk pressed in over his features and he shrugged. Negan was simply wearing a dark t-shirt and some jeans making her somewhat more comfortable with the decision in what she was wearing. She almost went over the top with a dress, but felt better knowing she didn’t.

“It’s a secret,” Negan answered with a wink. He didn’t say much and neither did she as they drove wherever he was going. When he drove past the larger part of the city and seemed to be going into a wooded area, she gave an odd expression and Negan laughed. He reached out to grab at her knee and she lowered her hand to squeeze over his. “Are you afraid I’m going to kill you or something?”

“I wasn’t at first, but now…” she let out a hesitant sound when Negan pulled into a wooded area and pulled through to an open plot of land. It was the middle of the night and she found herself absolutely flabbergasted with where they were. Negan stopped the truck and put it into park before starting to get out. She found herself a little confused realizing they were in an open field, surrounded by trees with a lake off in the distance in the middle of the night and she didn’t know how to respond. “Am I supposed to be following you our or…?”

“Well, you could stay in the car, but what fun would that really be?” Negan teased her with a wrinkle of his nose and she watched him get out. He reached for something in the back and she slowly followed him out. Negan was pulling something from the bag he grabbed and she saw him motioning her toward a part in the grass area where he set up a blanket and had a bag with him. “Why do you look like you are going to shit yourself?”

“I just don’t know where this is going,” she watched him drop down on top of the blanket and look up at her. He gave her a wicked smirk and pat the blanket beside him. Carefully lowering down beside him on the blanket, she watched him stretch out his long legs and stare out at her with a smirk when he crossed them. Negan rested back on his elbow, getting comfortable while he reached up to caress at the short beard covering his face.

“Where do you want it to go?” Negan saw her eyeing over the empty field and he reached out to brush hair away from her shoulder. There was a breath that caught in the back of her throat while his rough fingertips pressed in over her shoulder caressing the bare skin. “I wanted to hang out somewhere that your parents were not.”

“I can’t say I blame you,” she shuddered when he leaned in to brush his lips over her flesh. Her eyes closed when she felt him kissing over her shoulder and toward the side of her neck. A sense of nervousness filled her body and Negan could sense it. “What…else did you bring?”

“A snack,” he answered, his eyebrow perking up when he leaned back to look her over. Her breath was caught in the back of her throat and Negan snickered. Reaching across her, he grabbed the bag and pulled it between them to pull out the pack of chocolate covered strawberries that he had gotten. Negan popped open the lid and reached for one, lifting it up to her lips. An apprehensive smile pressed in over his lips and he cracked a smile. “What?”

“What? No champagne?” she snickered, noticing the over the top romantic gesture with the strawberries. Negan rolled his eyes and lowered the strawberry, seemingly frustrated by her comment.

“I’m already fucking around with my best friend’s daughter which is probably looked down upon. I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t be supplying an underage gal with alcohol,” Negan retorted and he saw her nod before shifting and getting more comfortable on the blanket. “Do you want the strawberry or not?”

Parting her lips she allowed him to bring it up to drag it softly over her bottom lip. She leaned in, but Negan pulled the strawberry away and brought it up to his own mouth to take a bite. An amused sound fell from her throat when he shrugged.

“Charming,” she shook her head and before she could say anything more, Negan’s mouth was over hers and the lingering taste of the strawberry followed. Humming against his flesh, she could feel his kiss getting deeper and she pulled away with a breathless sound. While she wanted this, this felt all to perfect and it worried her at the same time.

“You taste sweeter than the strawberry,” Negan growled against her lips, his tongue teasing out to sweep over the sensitive part at the inside of her bottom lip. Reached for another strawberry, he brought it to her mouth and urged her to take a bite. When she did, he quickly covered her mouth again with his. A whimper escaped her throat and she reached up with her hand to caress over the side of his face. She slid her fingertips through the short stubble and could feel his tongue over hers again and again. The more aggressive he got with kissing, the more he felt her begin to tremble against his touch. Negan pulled away and nudged her jaw softly with his fingertips. “It’s kind of uncomfortable here on the ground, isn’t it?”

“I could get comfortable anywhere with you,” she breathed out and he snorted before urging her up from the ground after standing himself. He grabbed a hold of her hand before moving to his pickup to pull the cover off the truck bed. She gulped down heavily when she saw the small mattress that he had put down in the back of it. Negan pulled the tailgate down on the truck and her heart began pounding harder inside of her chest. “Is this what I think this is?”

“That depends on what you think this is,” Negan moved in behind her, his hands settling in over her hips while he caressed over the sides of her body. His mouth pressed in over her neck and she tilted her head to the side to give him better access to it. A shiver filled her entire body at the sensation of his stubble pressing in over her skin while his tongue and lips caressed over her heated flesh. “Get up there.”

“Yes daddy,” she responded and felt Negan helping her up onto the back of his pickup truck before following her there. Negan made sure to lay her back on the mattress and moved slowly in over her. Her breathing was nervous and Negan smiled. It wasn’t often that he was with someone so pure and innocent. It only fueled him all the more when it came to her. “Can we talk?”

“What do you want to talk about?” he slurred when she slid her fingers into his hair and tugged firmly on it. Negan grunted, looking between them as he got comfortable between her legs and then moved in to kiss over her jawline.

“We’re under the stars…” she pointed out and Negan growled against her flesh. “I thought you said that was fucking extra.”

“It is,” Negan reminded her again, taking his time to trace his tongue over her earlobe and she urged him away from her for a moment. Negan’s hazel eyes stared into hers and she bit firmly down on her bottom lip when he was clearly confused with her reaction. “What?”

“I didn’t think you’d be the extra type, the one that wants to make something somewhat perfect for a person,” she insisted with a heavy breath realizing where this was headed and Negan snickered. He got back on his knees and looked her over. He urged her into a sitting position before grabbing the material of her shirt to pull it slowly from her body. He tossed it aside and when she laid back down, he reached out to trace his fingertips over her abdomen. She was shaking and he enjoyed watching her. The look in her eyes was much different to what he was used to. Sure they had fooled around, but they had never done something like this and to see her so nervous just made it so much more exciting.

“Some people you need to be extra for,” Negan replied with an arrogant smirk and the look in her eyes changed. When he had said that it was like the nervousness of being with Negan completely disappeared and she sat up, reaching out to pull him into a kiss. She was more confident in the way she was kissing him and he could tell that she was more relaxed with the idea with being with him. She nipped at his bottom lip and Negan reached up to grab a soft hold of her throat. A gasp fell from her parted lips and he pressed her back against the mattress again. Her eyes were hooked on his, her breathing rapid while he slowly pulled his hand from her throat. Negan reached for the back of his shirt and pulled the material from his body. Her fingertips reached out to trace over his long torso and he licked over his lips. The way in which she touched him, turned him on all the more. It was like she was trying to memorize everything she could about him and he found it so appealing. “You didn’t turn out being the girl I thought you are, maybe I’m not the guy you think I am.”

“That’d be something, huh?” she smiled, teasing her fingers through the dark hair covering Negan’s chest. A proud smile developed over Negan’s handsome features and his dimples sucked in. “You asked me what I wanted and you’re giving it to me, huh?”

“As long as you’ll have me?” Negan reached down to trace his fingertips from her abdomen toward the top of her pants. He unhooked the button in her pants and carefully pulled the material down her body. She was eager to help him and he took a moment to trace his fingers over the inside of her leg after he tossed her pants aside. She nodded and he smirked leaning in to press a kiss over the inside of her leg. “You can’t go telling people I did this under the stars shit. They might think…”

“You might have a heart or something?” she filled in his words and she smiled brightly when he lowered her leg. Negan slowly moved in over her and she reached up to trace over his rough features while he stared out at her. “Don’t worry, it’ll be our secret that you’re not as bad as you think you are.”

There was something in his eyes that changed when she said that. It was as if what she said had caused him to have a moment of doubt and she slid her hand in over the side of his face, “What?”

Negan said nothing, just stared at her for a moment before feeling him reaching for her wrists to pin them down against the small mattress. Her eyes looked up into his, a heavy breath falling from deep within her throat. Negan’s eyes soon were filled with lust as she watched his tongue slide out over his bottom lip. His mouth hammered down in over hers making her gasp against his lips which helped aid in her mouth opening to allow his tongue to press between her lips. For the longest time they just seemed to kiss, but the longer they did the sloppier and more desperate each kiss became. Negan’s hips were softly bucking up against her, his heavy breaths filling the air when he pulled away for just a moment to catch his breath.

“There is only one rule…” Negan insisted, breathing against her lips while he took his time caressing over her body with his rough hands. When she nodded and Negan’s eyes were hooked on hers, he licked his lips. “You can’t fall in love with me. We’ll do this, but you can’t love me.”

“Okay…” she quickly responded feeling throat go dry already knowing that she felt something more for Negan than she should have, but she wasn’t going to turn away from him now after they had come so far. She wanted this and she wanted this bad.

“Promise me,” Negan demanded moving in to press another wet kiss against her lips. His hands hooked around her body and his fingers fumbled with the material of her bra before managing to get it unhooked. He carefully pulled the material from her body and lowered his head closer so that he could tease his tongue over her nipple hearing her breathe in sharply. Twisting his tongue over her nipple, he felt her fingers tugging at his hair and he growled. “I’m going to need that promise.”

“I promise,” she agreed to his terms and cried out when he sucked softly at the small bud. Negan teased her flesh for a few moments more before getting to his knees. He reached for her panties and she lifted her hips up for him to grab a hold of the material. Negan didn’t take his time in peeling it away from her body before tossing it aside.

“Good girl,” Negan hummed in approval, reaching down to pull apart his belt. It jangled as she watched him pull it out of the loops and toss it aside. He was slow in the way he pulled apart the button in his pants, his eyes still hooked on watching her when he parted the material. Negan pushed his pants down his hips and the lump in her throat grew at the sight of him reaching down to grab a hold of his hard cock. Negan stroked it a few times and cockily licked over his lips before lowering in over her. “Are you sure you want me to do this?”

“Yes,” she nodded, attempting to not come off too desperate, but she wanted him so badly that it hurt. Negan reached between her thighs to trace his fingertips up and over her wet core. Arching her hips closer to him, she whimpered and closed her eyes tightly. Negan hummed as she opened her eyes to see him lifting his fingers up to his lips to suck over them slowly.

“Mmm, I told you that you tasted so much sweeter than those strawberries,” Negan winked, moving in over her to get comfortable. Her arms instinctively wrapped around his shoulders while Negan reached to urge her into the position he needed her. His fingers pushed inside of her, slowly pushing them back and forth to try and get her prepared and ready for him. “Are you ready to give yourself over to me completely darlin’?”

She nodded quickly making his cocky smile expanded over his features. He spit into his hand and reached to caress it over the head of his cock. Negan fisted his body in his hand while she watched his every movement.

“Negan…” she whispered his name while nervously looking over his solid length. She was so eager to jump into this, but now that it was so close to happening she realized she was trembling. Nervous was an understatement. Negan was clearly bigger than the average guy and taking a look at him made her nervous all over again.

“It’s going to be okay,” Negan hushed her, urging her hips up closer to him. Negan’s deep voice was trying to relax her and she shuddered at the closeness of him to her. Pushing his hips closer to her, the sound of her gasping filled the air and he shook his head. Negan reached between then, wrapping his hand firmly around his girth, teasing the head of cock through her wet slit. Her head dropped back, her eyes closing while she licked her lips uneasily. “You’re going to love it.”

Negan tapped the head of his cock against her clitoris and she softly mewled at the sensation making a wolfish smile expand over his lips. Negan wanted to take total control of the situation like he usually would, but when he heard her nervous breathing filling the air, he lifted his head to look her over. He leaned into kiss her, breaking her from her obvious worrying thoughts. His lips meshed against hers over and over again, his tongue flicking out against hers. He was doing his best to keep her distracted as he pushed his hips forward. They both let out a moan when he pushed through the ring of muscle and he felt her body slowly parting way for him.

“Negan,” she cried out his name, her nails scratching at his shoulder. Negan looked down, letting out another strained moan when she desperately clung to his shoulder. Negan paused his movements for a moment to adjust his position while he felt her nails digging harder into his flesh. Her head was tipped back, her eyes closed tightly and she was biting firmly into her bottom lip.

“No…don’t close your eyes. I want to witness you losing yourself to me completely,” Negan urged her to look at him. Her eyes opened, her lips partially agape when he smiled. Negan slowly moved his body, watching her eyebrows tensing while she kept her eyes locked on his.

Negan watched her for a moment before smacking his hips forward, pushing his full length into her. Her eyes got wide and he saw her lift up her head to look between them. Instinctively, her hands dropped to push at the center of his abdomen and he hushed her. He reached out to grab a tight hold of her throat to get her to lower her head back down to the mattress. Negan’s head tilted to the side, his eyes watching her closely and he licked his lips.

“It hurts,” she muttered and he hushed her, shaking his head. The grasp on her throat was held while he very slowly pulled back his hips. His cock pulled from her body and she cried out while her hands slid around to his lower back. It wasn’t long before he swiftly pushed his length back inside of her and she winced with the thrust. “Negan…”

“Shh….” Negan silenced her, his eyes looking into hers. He leaned forward and met her lips in another wet kiss. His mouth focused on hers while he started to pull his hips back and thrust forward again and again. Negan wasn’t getting her used to just a small amount. He was getting her used to all of him and breaking her in for his thick cock. Her body was quivering and he could feel her nails scratching across his back desperately. Hissing out, Negan tossed his head back and felt her body clamping to it. It had been so long since he had been with a virgin and he could already feel his body reacting greatly to how tightly her body was clinging to his. “You gotta relax.”

“You’re so just so big,” she tried to explain feeling him biting at her bottom lip, softly tugging on it. She tensed up and he growled out when he broke away, looking down again between them.

“Focus on me,” Negan slowed down his movements, lowering in closer to her so that his mouth pressed in over hers again and again. Instead of going forward with what he would typically do, he let his thrusts be slow, his movements more careful while she clung to him tightly. Negan’s mouth was over hers, making sure to keep her focused on relaxing with him kissing her. A soft moan fell from her lips when he started to move a bit faster and he smiled against her flesh. “There we go.”

“Jesus,” she tipped her head back while Negan’s mouth was over her jawline. The thrusts of him inside of her got harder and faster gradually over time. He could feel her body reacting to his. She was tense and he had his eyes hooked on her when he felt her body contracting around his cock. The way he was stretching her and filling her was so foreign, but he had found just the right spot to make her body start to shake. Her thighs shook and quivered alerting him that she was on her way to having her first orgasm. Negan continued with his movement, his sharp breaths filling the air followed by a few grunts when her pussy squeezed tightly around him. 

"Oh baby..." Negan hummed against her lips, his hips pounding up against hers through her orgasm. "You are so fucking tight." 

Negan’s forehead lowered against hers and he felt her clinging to him. He found himself staring into her eyes while his hips continued their movements over her. There was something different about the way he was with her and when she hooked her fingers into his hair, his thrusts halted and he gulped down heavily.

“Negan,” she reached up to touch the side of his face. He was never this intimate with people when having sex. He was never this close and never this connected with someone. His pulse jumped inside of his chest. The feeling she was giving him was something he had never felt. At least not in a very long time. The way she was touching his face and looking at him made him panic.

Negan pulled his body from hers and forcefully turned her over onto her stomach making her gasp. Negan got on his knees and pulled her up onto hers. In a matter of moments he was back inside of her, his hips smacking up loudly against hers over and over again. The grasp he had on her hips was strong, his fingers digging firmly into her flesh. She desperately tried to keep herself steady while he pounded into her from behind.

Negan’s grunts and groans filled the air while he watched his thick cock stretching her tight body. He continued to bring her hips back against his over and over while he watching his cock filling her time and time again. A satisfied sound fell from his throat as he pulled one of his hands from her hips to trace it up over her back and toward the back of her neck. He grabbed firmly at her shoulder, to help in bringing her back harder against him and her whimper surrounded him. Tipping his head back, he continued to plow his hips forward with a wince. Negan noticed her thighs shaking and he pulled his hand back to wrap it around one of her thighs.

“That’s it baby, cum again for daddy,” Negan slurred, hearing her moans fill his ears and she hit an orgasm in no time in this position. “Oh, look at you. Just loving daddy’s cock. Aren’t you? You like this position, huh? You like to be dominated?”

She said nothing, just nodded and lowered down once her body was done shaking. She was breathless while he continued his thrusts behind her.

“Oh fuck, I’m gonna…” Negan winced, falling forward over her body.

Negan braced his hands over hers, squeezing at them tightly. Her whimpers intensified while he bucked up harder against her. The sound of their skin smacking filled the air. A loud grunt fell from his parted lips when he felt the first spurt of his cum inside of her. Continuing to buck his hips into her again and again, line after line of his cum filled her. Nestling his nose against the side of her neck he groaned against her flesh while his body continued to twitch inside of her. Her breathing was erratic and he could feel her trembling against him while his movements completely stopped behind her. Negan grabbed a tight hold of her jaw and urged her to kiss him before he pulled out of her.

Negan got to his knees and looked down. Taking a moment to watch his cum spill out of her, he smiled and firmly smacked his palm over her bottom making her whimper from the hit. Her hips sprang back against him before he softly caressed over the area he hit. Negan let out a proud sound as he dropped beside her on the mattress. Negan felt his body aching and he looked down at his softening cock that was resting against his lower abdomen. Reaching down to squeeze softly at it, he noticed she was still in the position and shakily lowering herself down.

His chest was rising and falling heavily while he laughed out thinking about what had just happened. Negan looked over at her with a bright smile seeing her glance at him. She had been staring up at the stars when she had first laid down and he reached out to pat her on the hip. “Good job for a first time.”

There was a silence that pressed in between the two of them before she finally spoke up, “You came inside of me…”

“I did,” Negan almost boasted proudly and he folded his arms behind his head, clearing his throat. “I’m not used to virgin pussy. It felt fantastic. I just…couldn’t help myself.”

She nodded and he turned on his side. He reached out to pull her thighs apart for him. Dipping his hand between her thighs he pushed his fingers inside of her, pumping them a few times before collecting some of his release on his fingertips. Lifting them up to her lips, he saw her mouth part and he urged her to clean his fingertips off for him. Negan hummed with approval when she did it.

“Didn’t it feel good having me cum inside of you?” Negan stammered with a smile, his words drawing out when he pulled his fingers from her lips and moved in to suck at his own fingertips at well. It was clear that Negan was proud of himself and he came off extremely cocky while saying what he was. There was no denying that he was happy with how things had turned out.

When she nodded, he wiggled his eyebrow and laid back down on the mattress. His heart was still pounding in his chest and he felt her fingertips grazing over his. Negan gulped down when he felt her fingertips hooking with his. She pulled his hand up to press a kiss over the back of his hand and he half smiled at her. After a moment he could feel her sliding in closer to him to rest her head over the center of his chest, cuddling much as they had before they had slept together.

Noticing the way her head cuddled into the center of his chest, he gulped heavily and looked around the area. This wasn’t something typical for him, but he rest his chin in over the top of her head and traced her fingertips up over her shoulders. Negan felt himself getting comfortable with her and it wasn’t normal for him to feel this way. There was a part of him that wanted to pull away, but most of him actually enjoyed the close contact after everything happened. Negan felt his body coming down from its high. After he had finished, his arrogance got the best of him and made him nervous about the close relationship they had developed. This was normal for her with him. The affection and the cuddling was something he had done with her long before this.

Panic filled his body when he heard the sound of his phone ringing filling the air. Immediately, his head shot up and he cussed to himself. “Fuck…fuck…”

Negan quickly moved her from over him and he scrambled to get to his pants. Negan got down from the back of the truck and answered the phone. She noticed him scrambling to get his pants back up his body and she lifted up from the mattress.

“Hey,” Negan motioned her to wait a minute and walked off quite a bit in the distance leaving her to only hear bits and pieces of his conversation. Negan seemed to be bickering with the person on the other line and every so often would look back over his shoulder in her direction to almost make sure like she couldn’t hear his conversation. He ended with what seemed to be him yelling fine and she watched him slowly move back toward the truck. He seemed angry and she couldn’t help, but let it get to her. This wasn’t exactly how she expected the night to end. 

“Everything okay?” she questioned and Negan nodded, his eyes meeting hers. “You seem upset.”

“It was just work,” Negan answered and she realized that he had mentioned them giving him more duties at the school next year. She simply just nodded and said nothing more. If Negan didn’t want to elaborate, that was okay with her. “We need to go back to the house…”

“Oh…okay,” she nodded and he seemed to watch her closely as she gathered her clothes. She carefully scoot across the mattress to get down from the truck. When she went to get dressed again she felt him grabbing a tight hold of her. He bent her over the back of the opened tailgate to his pickup truck and she let out a nervous sound dropping her clothes to the ground. “Negan?”

“I’m sorry,” he breathed out and she heard him rustling behind her. She winced when she felt him forcing his body swiftly back into her. Her eyes slammed shut and she felt him smacking up against her over and over again. Her body was already weak and sensitive, but it seemed like whatever happened on the phone call had him fired up. He was angry and she could tell by his thrusts that he was.

The cool plastic pressing up against her face from the tailgate was uncomfortable when she felt the force of Negan’s hand placed over the center of her back. Negan was fucking her much as she had seen him do with the woman he had brought home the night he tried to make her jealous.

“Please…please let me look at you,” she begged and she felt his movements slow down for a moment. He pulled from her body and turned her so that she was on her back. He yanked her hips to the bottom of the tailgate and was back inside of her in no time. Her arms hooked around his shoulders while he pounded away inside of her. Her whimpers and cries filled the air while he took no time in doing what he wanted with her. Her fingertips sank into his wet hair, tugging on it while his nose nestled against the side of her neck.

A roar escaped Negan’s throat as came inside of her again, smacking up against her through his orgasm and this time it felt completely different. Negan’s hips kept pumping away until she felt her body shaking in reaction to the friction of his the base of his cock rubbing up against her again and again. Throwing her head back, she felt her jaw tighten and she cried out. Her chest was hammering, her body shaking and she didn’t know just exactly how she would feel tomorrow because she was already aching.

When he was done, he pulled his body from hers and heard the sound of his cum pouring out of her. Negan laid over her to catch his breath and felt her lips kissing over his jawline. Pulling himself away, he could see the desperation in her eyes to keep clinging onto him. She slowly pulled herself up into a sitting position and her body was shaking.

“We really need to go back,” Negan insisted, pulling his pants back up over his hips and he saw her nod. Moving around the truck, he reached inside for something and she watched him toss something to her. Looking to the box of tissues in her hands, she grasped them tightly before she gave him a confused look. Negan shrugged, “I just thought you might want to clean yourself up before you get your clothes on.”

“Oh,” she nodded, setting the tissues aside while Negan looked her over.

She was still shaking and he could tell that she was trying to adjust to what had just happened to her. Negan reached for his belt to pull his pants back together and she didn’t even look at him. Negan grabbed her clothes that he had tossed off and set them next to her on the tailgate. Taking the hint that he was ready to leave, she shakily got off of the truck and onto the ground. Her legs were weak and she ached like she couldn’t even believe. Lifting her head, she saw Negan watching her closely while his hands braced over the side of his truck. Negan gave her one last glance before haphazardly putting the rest of his clothes back on. He started to clean things up while she finally got the strength back in her legs to stand up to put some clothes back on.

Negan put the truck bed back together and before she was even finished getting dressed, he was already in the truck waiting for her. Carefully moving back to the front seat of the truck, she slowly got in. There was a silence that fell over both of them while Negan sat quietly at the wheel, tapping his fingers against it. He seemed to be stressing over something for a moment before looking to her, “You’re on birth control, right?”

“Little late to ask that question, isn’t it?” she blurted out and he gave her a glare. It was something she forgot to question at the time and she kind of damned herself for it. It was something she was big on, but in the moment got lost in it all. She never thought she’d sleep with Negan without a condom, yet here they were…two times later and she found herself somewhat embarrassed by it. Her cheeks flushed over and she lowered her head. Thankfully she had started them a while back to help regulate her periods. “I am…”

“Good,” Negan let out a sound of relief when he started the pickup truck and started to drive back to the house. It was extremely quiet on the way back. She didn’t know what to say and the fact he wasn’t looking over at her or saying anything made it worse. The longer she thought about it the more she wondered if she was really that bad. When Negan finally pulled up to the house, he pulled into the driveway, but didn’t turn off the engine. “I uhm…I have to run somewhere.”

“Oh…okay,” she stammered, seemingly nervous and confused. Leaning across the truck, she attempted to kiss him and he turned his head away from her. A clearly hurt breath fell from her lips as she saw his eyes narrow out at her. “Goodnight Negan…”

Negan said nothing, his hazel eyes searching hers almost as if trying to read her reactions to what had happened. He told her she couldn't fall in love with him, but this was not how she thought things would go. Nodding she got out of the truck and closed the door. Negan seemed to be watching her from where he was seated in the truck and she felt her heart sinking.

“Wait…” Negan called out when she started heading back up toward the front door. Negan left his truck running when he ran up to her. He cupped her face in his hands firmly and urged her to his lips with a firm kiss. He kissed her over and over again for a few moments before pulling away. “That was amazing…I hope you know that.”

She nodded. Not sure what to say or how to react as she moved back for the house again. Negan was back in the truck in no time and pulling out of the driveway. Watching him pull away, Y/N thought about what Negan had done. What had started as one of the best experiences she could have ever asked for ended in a less than perfect way. Negan had done what he could to make her first time as good as he could, but at the end something had switched inside of him and it seemed like the caring Negan she had grown accustomed to had just shut off completely. This wasn’t how she expected the night to end, but it was just something she’d have to get used to. Negan told her not to fall in love with him; he was just helping to push the process along.

* * *

Shifting in bed the next morning, Y/N let out a long sigh when she looked beside her on the bed to see that it was empty. It was a disappointing to say the least when she thought about all the nights previous. Up until they had sex together, Negan had always snuck in her room to sleep with her at night. It was one of her favorite things about having Negan there, but now that they had slept together, it was like Negan had abruptly ended things. Her body ached when she moved and she lifted her head to look down. She knew that she would be feeling the after effects of what had happened with Negan, but almost had wished that she would have been in bed with Negan after like they had done all the times before. Cuddling with him would have helped her take her mind off the ache and the pain that she had from the night before. Instead she was alone to her thoughts and those made everything so much worse.

Shifting in bed, she could hear her parents bickering in the hallway. Looking back over her shoulder, she carefully got out of bed and opened the door enough to listen, but not enough to alert them that she was awake and there eavesdropping.

“How much longer do you think he’s going to be here?” her mother snapped and her father let out a nervous laugh. “Tonight he’s bringing a girl to our dinner and I’m just…I don’t know, don’t you get sick of the way he is?”

“It’s not my position to tell him he should change,” her father answered and she shifted on her feet realizing they were likely talking about Negan. “He’s my friend and all I can do is be his friend.”

“But in order to be his friend sometimes you have to tell him it’s time to grow the hell up. I like Negan, he’s a nice guy, but what he does…what he has done,” her mother began, her voice was higher, but she began to lower it as they spoke. “It’s wrong. We’re allowing him to continue to do what he’s doing here. We’re enabling him.”

“I’m not going to correct him on something that is none of my business,” her father answered with a snap and she felt her chest tightening. She hoped that her parents didn’t know what was happening with Negan, but by the sounds of it her mother wasn’t fond of him being there. “I’m going to allow him to stay here as long as he wants.”

“I know you are, I just wish someone would talk some sense into him,” her mother retorted and Y/N found herself wondering what they were talking about. It was something that her mother was clearly very strong hearted about. “We have a family. We have a daughter. I realize we started younger, but we made something of ourselves. He’s a gym teacher and a coach that…”

“Don’t compare our life to his. He’s …had struggles,” her father seemed to defend Negan and he shook his head. “If he would have pushed himself harder you know he could have been a pro baseball player. He just…”

“Has a swollen head, a huge sexual appetite and gets highly offended whenever someone tells him he isn’t good enough,” her mother interrupted her father and her father seemed frustrated with the response. “You have to admit that while he is a fun, nice guy…there are parts of him that are terrible.”

“What’s your point honey? I’m not asking him to leave,” her father insisted and she grasped the doorknob when her mother started shifting back on her feet. “We can see what happens tonight. I’m sure soon enough he will get his shit together and decide to fix things. Until then, there is nothing that I can do.”

Softly closing her door, she tried to stay in place when her parents walked beyond her room and she stood there for a moment. She never realized how much Negan truly stressed her mother out. Shifting on her feet, she wondered where Negan was. It was clear that he was not at the house because her mother would have never been brave enough to shit talk him like that.

Moving over to the bed she dropped down on the edge of it and thought about last night and how eager Negan was to make things somewhat perfect for her, but then changed so suddenly. It was a sad, heart breaking thing, but she knew she needed to get beyond it. Maybe it was Negan breaking away from her like he said he would have to do, she just didn’t think he would do it so quickly.

Later that night she realized what her parents were talking about when mentioning dinner. They were having dinner with Negan again at a nice restaurant and she found herself stressed at the idea. She hadn’t seen Negan since they had slept together and the fact she was going to be seeing him again when her parents were with her made things twice as uncomfortable.

“This is the kind of thing I was talking about,” her mother scowled when her father was looking to his watch to see that Negan was quite late. Y/N shifted in her chair and fixed the black dress that she had put on in order to go out to a nice place with her family. “He doesn’t care about other people.”

“You really don’t like Negan, do you?” Y/N blurt out seeing both of her parents meet her glance. “I mean, I realize he’s a little…different, but he’s not that bad…is he?”

“Honey, there are things about him that you will never need to know,” her mother tried to explain and she shifted across the table in her seat. Her mother’s eyes had a hard time looking into hers and she shook her head. “He’s a good guy and he’s always been great to you, but…”

“Stop,” her father ordered and her mother gave her father a glare. A moment later the sound of Negan’s laughter was filling the air and she looked to the door to see a disheveled Negan walking into the restaurant with a woman at his side. Y/N felt her cheeks flushing over with warmth as she noticed Negan’s arm hooked around the woman’s waist and when he spotted them in the restaurant, he urged the woman to follow him toward the table. The woman was wearing something skimpy while Negan had a pair of dress pants on and a suit coat, but his white button down shirt was pulled out of his pants and sloppy. “Negan.”

“Sorry guys, I couldn’t find the place,” Negan informed them seemingly plastered from the way he was talking. Negan didn’t even pull the seat out for his obvious date before dropping down. “Did everyone order yet?”

Negan’s eyes met hers from across the table and when their eyes connected she felt an anger raging up inside of her. Negan smirked and she could tell that he had brought a date to piss her off by the way he was staring out at her. Lowering her gaze, she dropped her hands into her lap and felt them clenching into a fist.

“I see you brought a date,” her mother spoke up and the woman that was with Negan sat beside Y/N making her feel extremely uncomfortable. “Her name Negan?”

“Her name?” Negan looked to the woman who seemed to be just as uncomfortable with being there as her family clearly was. “The hell is your name again?”

“Nikki,” the woman responded looking to Y/N when she lifted her head. “You brought your daughter with you? How cute.”

“How cute?” Y/N repeated, looking to her parents and she could tell by the glare that her father was giving her that he was asking her to keep her mouth shut. “This is great.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Negan snorted from across the table. Y/N ignored him and kept her eyes from looking in his direction. Throughout most of dinner Negan was very over the top and dramatic at their dinner. Quite often she would watch him be very touchy feely with his date and the longer she sat at the table, the harder her heart was pounding inside of her chest. “Did we have a plan on how long this is supposed to last because I kind of have other plans tonight…”

Not being able to hear any more of his foolish actions and slime ball comments, Y/N shot up from the table and tossed her napkin down on top of the table, “Please excuse me for a few. I feel like I’m going to vomit.”

“Do you need something honey?” her mother went to get up with her and she threw her hands up in the air to stop her mother from getting up. “Y/N?”

“No mother, I’m fine…” she moved across the small restaurant and moved into the ladies room. Once inside she made sure that she was alone before moving into the corner of the bathroom. She leaned back against the wall and felt her body shaking. She was so angry with how Negan was acting. After everything he had done…after everything they had been through, this is what he was doing? It was completely overwhelming her and she could feel tears burning at the corners of her eyes.

Hearing the sound of the door pushing open, she tried to wipe at her eyes knowing that it was likely another stranger entering the bathroom and she didn’t want to explain why she was so upset. Lifting her head, she let out an angered breath when she saw that it was Negan entering the restroom.

“What are you doing?” Negan looked her over, seeing that she was clearly upset and his eyebrows tightened together. The lines in his forehead grew while he noticed her wiping at her face. “Are you crying?”

“No, I’m not crying,” she lied…she wasn’t about to tell him that he upset her that bad. “Why the hell are you in here?”

“I told them I had a phone call…I faked it,” Negan pulled his cell phone out and wiggled it before leaning back against the sink counter in the bathroom. “I don’t know why you are in such a shitty mood. You think you would be in a better mood with me screwing you last night.”

“Fuck you Negan,” she found herself disgusted with him as a wicked smirk pressed in over his lips. “What was all of this? What are you doing?”

“I fucked you and now we’re here with your parents for a dinner,” Negan answered almost nonchalantly and she felt a fire building up inside of her body. “I don’t think that’s hard to figure out.”

“You are such an asshole! So what’s the plan, huh? After dinner you are going to take that girl out and just randomly fuck her somewhere?” Y/N inquired and he made a dramatic shrug. “So yesterday was nothing?”

“Yesterday was something, but I don’t know what you expected to come from it,” Negan grumbled, reaching down to squeeze his fingertips around the counter. He leaned back and shrugged his shoulders again. “I don’t know what the big deal is.”

“I have feelings Negan, that’s the problem,” she fought from screaming at him as his face twisted in confusion. “You build me up to something perfect and then it all comes crashing down.”

“One and done, that was the deal. Technically you got two,” Negan reminded her and she let out an irritated laugh at his response. Negan seemed unbothered by the idea that he just absolutely crushed her within the last twenty four hours. They went through weeks where he made sure to make everything special for her, but then now that they had reached that place that was the next level in their relationship, he was just blowing it off completely.

“Was I really that bad?” she questioned from across the bathroom from Negan. His hands were grasping tightly to the granite while he eyed her over carefully. He was gripping so hard that his knuckles were turning a pale shade of white. The look over his face had changed and it was clear that something had upset him with what she just said.

“No…no, it was fucking amazing. Both times,” Negan explained with an uneven breath reaching for the cigarette package from pocket. Opening the box, he pulled one out and gave her a frown. He shakily lit up the cigarette and he knew she was pissed. There was nothing he could do to fix that, but he didn’t want her to care about him. “You came several times, so clearly you liked it too…”

“Yeah, I’m sure you know that you’re good at sex Negan,” she snapped and went leave the bathroom but he blocked her from leaving. A frustrated sound fell from her lips as she paced back and forth. “Thanks for the cherry popping.”

“Hey now,” Negan reached for her hand and he threw his hands up in the air when she quickly pulled away from him. “What the hell did you expect to happen there? You wanted me to what? Cuddle with you under the stars and tell you how much I fucking loved you?”

“You’re a dick,” she responded shoving into his chest and he reached for her wrist again. “You clearly care about nothing, but yourself.”

“I fucking told you not to fall in love with me and then you started getting all touchy fucking feely,” Negan reminded her and he saw the look she gave him. It made him cuss to himself and he reached out to try and touch her, but she pulled away from him. “I care about you, I really do. Way more than I should.”

“You could really confuse the hell out of me with that statement,” she stated with the firm shake of her head. It didn’t seem like he cared about her with how he was acting. There was a tightness in her throat while he reached for the cigarette that was between his lips.

“I told you not to fall in love with me, but you were touching me in a way that was very…romantic,” Negan thought back to the night before and he saw her roll her eyes. Negan pulled the cigarette from his lips and breathed out the smoke. “I freaked.”

“Should I be going to the doctor to get a blood test after having you cum inside of me twice?” she snarled and Negan rolled his eyes at her comment. Instead of listening to what he said, she went straight for the dig.

“I'm clean. Thank you. I've had unprotected sex with you and one other person, but I haven't slept with that person in quite some time. I know she’s clean too,” Negan informed her with a frustrated sound. “I’m clean. Trust me.”

“Thanks for that,” she reached out to pat him on the shoulder and he pulled his cigarette to his mouth. “I’m glad I waited to give it up to you.”

“Well what the fuck did you want to happen?” Negan snorted with the cigarette between his lips. “I’m your father’s best friend. You barely even fucking know me. Did you just think because we fucking fooled around and laid together for a few weeks that I was what…gonna fall in love with you the moment I stuck my dick into you?”

A wince filled the air when the echo of her smacking the side of his face filled the bathroom. The smack sent the cigarette out of his mouth and onto the floor. Negan stumbled back and his head lifted to look up at her with shock after she hit him. He reached up to touch his jaw and he tilted his head to the side. Standing straight, he felt her shoving him over and over again until his back hit the hand dryer on the wall firmly and he winced.

“What are you…” Negan blurted out, his words being cut off by the sensation of her lips slamming in over his and he hummed against her mouth. Negan reached up to grab a firm hold of her jaw and pulled her away from him. “Are you crazy? I’ve been a fucking asshole to you.”

“You are a fucking asshole,” she agreed with a nod. Negan looked her over with hooded eyes and then reached down to grab at her thighs to lift her up. He urged her onto the edge of the counter and quickly pushed up the bottom of her black dress.

“I fucking love this,” Negan looked over the dress before moving in to meet her lips in a sloppy kiss. The taste of his cigarette was still prevalent while her fingertips grasped tightly to his hair, tugging firmly. Negan was swift in his movements, getting her panties pushed aside before quickly reaching down to open his belt and pants. Negan quickly pushed the material of his pants and boxer briefs down his body before moving between her thighs. A loud moan fell from his mouth when he reached down to lead his body into hers. She whimpered out and Negan’s mouth was over the side of her neck in no time. “All this fighting made you wet for fucking daddy, huh?”

“Negan…shut up,” she stammered hearing him laugh as his hips bucked up against her over and over again. Their unsteady breaths filled the small, bathroom while he continued to fuck her. Negan’s hands were tightly grasping to her thighs and it made her cry out. His lips covered hers to try and keep her silent as he picked her up from the sink and pressed her back firmly against the wall. “Jesus…”

“Good?” Negan angled his body differently, making his thrusts slower, but more prominent inside of her. When she nodded, he kept up with his movements and could feel her hands desperately reaching around to squeeze over his small bottom, urging his hips closer to her. His thick cock was still tightly surrounded by her body and the feeling just drove him wild. “Fuck, you feel so fucking good.” 

“Negan,” she cried out his name against his lips while he kissed her over and over again. The sound of crashing of plates outside the room made them both jump; pulling her out of the moment they were in. Pushing into Negan’s lower abdomen, she urged him to pull his body from hers. A whine fell from her lips at the sudden empty feeling she had and it ached like hell. She was close to an orgasm, her legs shaking from what happened, but she had to pull herself together. “Someone could walk in…”

“We’ll lock the door,” Negan insisted, trying to reach out to grab her again and she shook her head. “Come on. It’s okay.”

“Not in a place we could get caught,” she denied him and Negan gulped down heavily. His chest was rising and falling heavily while he reached down to press himself back inside of his pants. Pulling together the material, he watched as she quickly moved for the door and Negan called out to her. “I can’t even do this Negan. We do this, we finish and then what…? You take that girl to wherever you are supposed to go and then fuck her?”

“Could you just wait?” Negan begged, but she didn’t listen. Her body was shaking, her legs weak and her core absolutely soaked. She wanted Negan, her body loved the feeling of him inside of her, but she knew that she couldn’t keep up with this anymore.

“Thank you for dinner, but I think I’m just going to get some air. Call a friend…so you can finish,” Y/N moved back to the table after making sure her dress was straightened out. Her mother seemed nervous as she shook her head. “I need some air because my stomach is just not feeling well. I’ll keep you updated and let you know I’m alright.”

Her mother begrudgingly agreed and Y/N was eager to get out of that restaurant and away from Negan. She made it a few blocks from the restaurant before hearing the sound of honking filling the air. She just kept walking, but the honking kept up and she cussed to herself. Looking over her shoulder she saw Negan’s muscle car pulling up beside her and watched the window roll down.

“Get in the car,” Negan ordered and she let out a hesitant laugh. “Now.”

“Negan, what the hell are you doing?” she denied, shaking her head and looking back toward the restaurant. “My parents are going to question you coming after me. Where’s Nikki? You need to go back before…”

“I had a good out story and asked them to get Nikki where she needs to be. Get in the car,” Negan demanded again and this time she did as he asked. Moving around the car, she got in and was silent while he drove to the nearest empty park. He stopped the car and turned to look at her. “Listen to me, I’m an asshole. I’m a terrible, awful fucking person. I know I am.”

There was a silence that filled the car as Negan stared out at her, his hazel eyes seemingly confused while he thought of what to say, “I thought this would be so easy with you. A one and done. You’d get what you wanted; I get what I wanted and no guilt. You go off to school, I go to work, and we go our separate ways. But then things kept happening with you that knocked me off guard. The kissing, the cuddling, the non-stop moments of affection that I didn’t want to believe were there, but they were. I fucked up. I fucked up bad, but you have to understand…this is not who I am. I’m not used to caring about people. I’m not used to kissing people. I did not sleep with that girl. I got drunk today because what I am feeling is not who I am.”

“What do you want me to say to this Negan? It hasn’t changed the fact that you turned into a total asshole at the end of the night and today,” she explained and Negan held his hands up in a pleading manner. “I thought you were special.”

“You’re the special one, not me,” Negan insisted with a shake of his head. “You are so beautiful and so sweet…you’re special and I got scared. I got scared because the moment you touched my face like you did, I felt something I shouldn’t have. I made these rules. These rules that I thought kept me from feeling things for people. I don’t kiss; I don’t…do what I’ve done for you. I ended the night badly I did and the way I acted today was foolish, but I like you. I like you a lot and I don’t want things to end, I don’t want things to end with you hurt…I’m not ready for us to be over. Fuck, I can’t stress that enough.”

“Damn…” she cussed to herself and Negan shifted in his seat uncomfortably. There was a confusion with her response and she knew it, but she could feel her heart hammering inside of her chest. “I must be crazy to still want to be with you.”

“Probably,” he nodded before she moved from her seat to crawl in over his lap. Negan’s hands slid up her sides and he looked up at her with his big eyes. A comfortable sound fell from his throat while she caressed her fingertips throughout his dark hair and focused on him closely. “Damn, this dress looks nice on you. You wear this for me?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” she teased and Negan urged the straps of her dress down to pull that material down her body. Her chest slowly became revealed to him and his mouth surrounded her nipple. The slow, teasing sensation caused her to cry out while she worked open the buttons on his shirt to reveal his skin to her sight. Negan moaned against her flesh while her hand caressed up and over his hairy chest, taking time to trace over his body. “Negan, maybe we should find a better place…”

“We’re fine…” Negan insisted, pulling away from her breast with a slurp before moving toward the other to tease his tongue over her nipple again. “It’s after hours and the cops in this town are lazy as fuck.”

“Are you going to leave me in a haste again after this?” she questioned reaching for his pants to quickly open them back up and Negan lifted his waist to help her get the material down his body. Returning to over his lap, she helped him pull the bottom of her dress up her hips and felt Negan reaching between them to lead his body back toward hers.

“Not this time,” Negan promised with a wink, his jaw dropping when he helped urge her up and over his length. Negan dropped his head back against the seat and felt her arms hooking around his shoulders to help get herself comfortable over him. “This time I’m going to do what’s right.” 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan and the reader begin to get comfortable with each other and open up about what their plans on their future are while also having to hide their relationship from her parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a bit. I have had so many requests to update this and I'm doing my best to get as much done of this as I can. I'm sorry if things are messed up. I'll try to fix things as I find them. I had some troubles shifting from second person to third person because I was tired, so if that ends up happening, I'm sorry. Thank you to anyone that reads this, it's still a pretty smut filled chapter.

Shifting in bed, Y/N had a hard time focusing on anything while she laid awake. It wasn’t long ago that she had gotten home after having sex with Negan in that parking lot. After they had, they spent some time talking before heading back to her parent’s house. Negan dropped her off first and waited a bit to come in after so her parent’s didn’t suspect anything. When Negan had returned, her mother was already in bed and her father was sitting waiting up to talk to Negan. He had asked Negan to talk and Negan agreed. She would have rather Negan spent his night with her, but most of the night her father was outside with Negan talking to him. Several times Y/N had gotten up to see if they were still in the back and most of the time she saw Negan standing at the corner of the deck smoking while they talked. Negan never really looked happy and a few times he had seen her checking in on him, but it was clear that he couldn’t get away from the conversation with her father. 

Eventually she heard Negan come upstairs and not long after her father followed after to go to bed too. She figured Negan didn’t want to make a move into her room considering he had been talking to her father all night. Once the sun started to rise, she let her yearning for Negan get the best of her. Moving out of bed, she tiptoed across her room to lock the door before heading for her window. Lifting the window up, she carefully crawled out onto the roof and moved slowly toward the window to Negan’s room. If anyone were to see her sneaking into the room, she was sure it would cause people to question things, but she didn’t care. Cautiously lifting up the window, she moved into Negan’s room and saw Negan stretched out in the center of the bed.

Taking a moment to look him over, she could see the sheets were hanging low at his naked hips. His shirtless torso was completely exposed leaving her to appreciate his beautiful body. There was something about Negan’s lean form that could just make her temperature rise. Looking to the door, she made sure that it was locked before carefully moving over to the bed. Getting to her knees on the bottom of the bed, she took her time to look over his flawless body. It was a sight she never wanted to forget. This was how she always dreamt of him, yet this was real life. 

Tugging softly at the sheets, she pulled them down his body and heard Negan’s breathing change when his naked form was slowly exposed to her. Negan’s eyes were still closed, but a smirk developed over his lips alerting her that he was awake, “Good morning beautiful…”

“Good morning handsome,” she muttered with a hum, looking down to his soft cock that was resting over his inner thigh. Negan licked his lips as she crawled in over him further. “You are so gorgeous.”

“You know you have to put your lips right up to it to make it work,” Negan hummed, his tired eyes partially opening as he turned his head to stare out at her. A wicked smirk grew over his face as he watched her look down at his cock. Lowering down close to him, she traced her tongue over his body and heard him groan quietly. Negan’s head arched back, swallowing hard while she pressed soft kisses over his cock. The occasional teasing of her tongue over his length sent a warmth to his core and he reached out to grab a soft hold of her hair. “You couldn’t wait to get that cock back inside of your mouth, could you?”

“I’ve been dreaming of having your cock back inside of me from the moment we got home last night,” she purred, grabbing a delicate hold of his body before wrapping her lips teasingly around the tip. Negan lifted his head up to stare down at her while she dragged her tongue under the tip. Negan’s body shook and she knew that he loved to be licked in that sensitive area. It always caused him to twitch every time she did it and it always excited her.

“You missed daddy’s cock, huh?” Negan proudly muttered while her eyes were hooked on his. Negan lifted up on his elbows to watch her while she sluggishly gave him a blowjob, focusing on his body. He liked that she didn’t go fast. Taking her time really drew out every sensation and he loved things like that. Negan licked his lips and caressed over the side of her face while she switched up between sucking over his hardening cock and then pressing small kisses over it. There was something to be said about how much she had grown in her comfort levels while performing a blowjob on him. She was still new to it all, but he was impressed with her and how relaxed she had become.

Negan’s soft moans were filling the air and she could feel a jolt filling her body while she noticed his chest rising and falling heavily. The sensation of his cock hardening within her mouth turned her on all the more. It caused a dampness to pool at her core and more than anything she wanted him inside of her, but she was trying to pamper him. Give him something to remember.

Pulling her mouth teasingly away with a wet sound, she pumped Negan’s cock in both of her hands, attempting to make sure he was fully solid within her grasps. Negan’s hips eagerly arched up toward her, but she was obviously keeping him where she wanted him, but Negan had other plans. “Get undressed.”

Ignoring his request, she continued with her previous plans and traced her tongue from the back of his erection to the tip of his cock before lowering down in the same movement. Negan’s thigh muscles flexed and his eyes rolled back making her happy with his response. Negan’s head fell back, accentuating the veins in his neck while she pampered his cock. Cupping his testicles in her palm, she caressed over them in a careful way. Negan hissed, when she kissed over them and dragged her tongue over the sensitive flesh.

“That’s bold,” Negan grumbled under his breath, his eyebrows arching up while he was eager to watch her. One of her hands was jerking him off while she continued to focus on his testicles. The flicking of her tongue was causing him to twitch before her and he pulled his hips up and away from her. “If you keep doing that I’m going to cum.”

“That’s kind of the point, isn’t it?” she was confused and Negan shook his head, swallowing down uncomfortably. His chest was rising and falling and he was breathless. “You liked that?”

“You’re so careful and cautious that yes, I fucking liked that,” Negan looked down at his cock that was straining and he closed his eyes trying to talk himself down. “Baby, take your clothes off.”

“What about my parents?” she stammered and Negan gave her an expecting glance. Them being naked together was dangerous while her parents were in their bedroom down the hallway. There was a sense she knew of right and wrong, but she would do anything for Negan. She licked her lips and nodded, quietly moving from the bed to hastily peel her clothes from her body. Standing before him for a moment, Negan laid in the bed and caressed at his saliva covered cock while he eyed her over.

“Crawl in over my shoulders,” Negan instructed her and she carefully did as he ordered, making sure to keep herself enough over him so she didn’t hurt him. Negan grabbed a hold of her thighs and pulled her prudently to her knees over his head so she was straddling over his face. “How fucking sweet of you to bring me breakfast in bed?”

Biting firmly into her bottom lip, she tipped her head back when Negan began to tease kisses over her inner thigh. Negan’s short beard tickled over her flesh and she reached for the headboard to steady herself. If there was one thing Negan was good at, it was drawing out the anticipation of everything he was about to do. 

“You have the prettiest little pussy,” Negan slurred from beneath her, his palms squeezing tightly around her thighs. It was hard enough to likely leave a mark, but she didn’t care when his tongue drew out a long, slow strip up and over her slit. Negan moaned against her core and it made her whimper out. “You gotta be quiet doll. I know this feels good, but we can’t do this if we’re not quiet.”

“Yes daddy,” she shuddered when she looked down to see Negan flash a bright smile. Negan wasn’t gentle in urging her hips back closer to him before flicking his tongue over her body again and again. He took his time to trace circular motions over her clit. Negan already had her shaking and breathless when his lips latched onto the small nub, sucking on it and then flicking his tongue over it again and again. “Negan.”

Negan hummed against her body before pulling his head back to lick over his lips. The way in which he licked his lips drove her wild with how sexual he always seemed to make it. Releasing one of her thighs, he reached up with his hand and traced his fingertips between her wet folds. Negan’s eyes lifted to see her trembling above him and he let out a proud sound.

“Imagine how boring your summer would have been if I didn’t come to live with you guys for a while,” Negan grunted when he pressed one of his long, slender fingers into her tight body making her softly mewl. Negan started to slowly pump his finger inside of her while lifting his head up again to lap at her body with his talented tongue.

“Fuck…” her soft cries fell from her throat while Negan put a firm pressure on her g-spot. She found her hips arching forward toward his mouth with each caress it made over her. Negan chuckled against her flesh sending a quivering sensation throughout her entire body. There was a hot, liquid warmth filling her entire body while Negan firmly suctioned his lips over her clit. “Jesus Negan…”

Her eyes slammed shut, grasping tightly onto the headboard when her body started to shake and tremble. Her thighs were shuddering with the sudden sensation of her orgasm rippling throughout her entire body. Negan let out a delighted sound while her warmth contracted around his finger.

“Negan,” she gasped feeling him pulling her down closer to him before his fingers parted her lips. It was almost like she had expected him to stop, but his tongue continued to trace zig zag motions over her body. Negan’s mouth and tongue worked harder over her core after she had her first orgasm. He was focused and was out to reach another goal with her. Reaching down with one hand, she grasped tightly onto his hair and could feel Negan eagerly working to get her off again. Negan’s nose nestled firmly against her clit while the wet, slurping sounds filled the air. The sensation was all brand new to her, especially in this position, but she was loving it. Riding over his face felt amazing and it was something she could find herself easily getting used to. “God…”

Unable to contain herself, she could feel another Earth shattering orgasm hit her and she brought her other hand up to try to cover her own mouth to keep her moans from wakening her parents up. The shaking of her body made her uneasy on her knees and Negan let out a proud sound when he pulled back and away.

“Good girl, I thought we would for sure be in trouble after that second one,” Negan licked over his lips and she still found her body reacting from the waves of her orgasm hitting her as hard as it did. “Are you strong enough to ride daddy’s cock? Or do you need some time?”

“I find it really fucking hard to believe you don’t like doing that to the women you’ve been with,” she blurt out uncontrollably and Negan chuckled as she carefully moved down his body. Negan folded his arms behind his head while he watched her taking a moment to breathe. “You’re too good at it.”

“I’ve only really done it in my serious relationships,” Negan proudly breathed while she grabbed a hold of his solid cock that already had pre-cum dripping from the tip. He enjoyed giving her orgasms like he just had. Nothing felt better than having her tense up and over him like that, crying out over something he was doing. Negan licked his lips again while he watched his cock twitch within her grasps. “I don’t like tasting like people.”

“Are you saying we’re in a serious relationship?” she tilted her head to the side and Negan let out a nervous sound when he realized what he had just said. With a perked eyebrow, it was like she was expecting him to say something more, but laughed when Negan clearly panicked. “I’m fucking with you Negan, you’re fine.”

“Well you’re not a one night stand, that’s for sure,” Negan stammered and swallowed down hard. Negan noticed her getting more comfortable over him and he nodded toward his wallet that was sitting on the nightstand. “Do you want a condom?”

“If my mother finds a used condom in her trash she’s going to likely castrate you,” she replied with a laugh and Negan’s nose wrinkled when she moved in over him carefully. The firm grasp she had over his body caused him to moan when she teased the tip of his cock through her wet folds. “We’ve already been doing this without a condom, so…”

“Oh, you’re dirty,” Negan watched her tease the head of his cock over her already sensitive clitoris and he smiled when her hips shook. “You just like the feeling of daddy’s bare cock inside of you, don’t you? God, you used to be so fucking innocent and look at what I’ve done to you. You crave my cock like…”

Negan’s moan escaped from his lips when her hips slowly sank down over his length. The sensation of her tight warmth enveloping his body caused his Adam’s apple to bounce in his throat and he lifted his head to look while his cock disappeared inside of her. A look of discomfort pressed over her young features and he lowered his hands to her hips.

“Take it slow,” Negan urged her knowing that while they had slept together a few times at this point, she was still new and he was on the bigger side. “Get used to it. I don’t expect you to take it all immediately. You feel fucking incredible.”

Nodding, she licked at her bottom lip and started to slowly rock her hips over his, getting used to the feeling of him inside of her again. She was focusing hard and Negan couldn’t help keeping his eyes locked on her. Most of the women he had been with were so focused on themselves, but this was all new to her and she was clearly trying to learn what she liked. Negan’s jaw clenched and she found her body loving the stretching sensation that his thick manhood caused inside of hers.

Bracing her hands over his chest, she lowered her hips down further and bottomed out over him making Negan growl out. Negan involuntarily arched up, burying himself further inside of her and she cried out against the side of his neck.

“Fuck baby, you feel so damn good,” Negan reached out to trace his thumb over her already sensitive bundle of nerves while her fingers curled into the thick hair covering his chest. “I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of your incredibly tight pussy.”

Negan reached for her hands, holding them securely while she rocked her hips carefully over his length again and again. Negan’s fingers grasped hers harder trying to keep them connected while their eyes were hooked on each other’s. Negan wanted to keep this personal; he wanted her to feel locked on him because being this connected with one another made things more relaxed. It was more passionate and it seemed to be something she loved. Negan seductively dragged his tongue over his lip again and she whined when he began to arch his hips up toward her, adding to her bouncing movements over him.

“I love seeing you ride that big cock with such confidence baby,” Negan encouraged with a pleased sound, squeezing harder at her fingers. “Think of how far you’ve come sweetheart. You know what you want now and you aren’t afraid to take it. Do you like the way that feels?”

“Yes,” she panted, her eyes closing as she leaned forward to get a different angle over his hard body. His hands pulled from hers while her chest pressed closer to his. The closeness and the warmth felt incredible and the sensation of her rocking her hips over his felt entirely new, but amazing. Her hands braced beside him on the bed to help the motions of her riding her body back against him. One of Negan’s hands helped urge her hips over him while the other hooked around the back of her neck, grasping firmly at it.

Negan urged her to kiss him, while his hips rocked up into her movements. The smacking of their skin filled the air and she already felt like her body was on fire. Everything inside of her was sensitive with how fast Negan had already warmed her up previously. Negan’s tongue brushed between her lips and she cried out when he started smacking his hips up harder into hers.

“Shhh…” he hushed her while his mouth covered hers again knowing by the way she was tensing up that she was nearing another orgasm. “We can’t let your parents know that you’re getting a ride on this big dick.”

“Fuck,” her forehead pressed against his while he helped urge her over him. His hips bounced up into hers, helping to aid to everything while she found herself trying not to cry out loudly.

Negan was setting a quickened pace inside of her, trying to get her to her next orgasm and she cried out into his mouth when her orgasm flushed over her. Negan slowed down his thrusts when he felt her shaking over him and he carefully urged her onto her back. Pushing her legs up around his waist, he reached for her hands and pressed them beside her head while he clung tightly to her fingers.

“I love fucking you…” Negan breathed out and lowered his forehead against hers while he bucked his hips against her over and over. “The way your face twists with pleasure. You’re both so innocent and so high on my cock that I love seeing it.”

Negan was thrusting at a slow pace while he teased his lips over hers. Her head fell back when he started arching up harder toward her. The sound of their movements was heard and Negan forcefully kissed her, hoping to keep them both silent while he worked to reach his orgasm. Their kiss was sloppy when she whimpered into his mouth. A rush of excitement was filling his veins and he began to pound inside of her harder.

Negan’s heart hammered in his chest and he knew that he was close to his release. His hips started to falter when his cock began to twitch inside of her. Negan followed through with his motions, watching her head tip back and he was breathless. His mouth was agape and he reached for her face to make sure he was staring her in the eyes when he grunted when the first spurt of his release filled her. Negan continued through with his movements, his soft moans escaping his throat while he jerked over her.

Negan lowered down over her and rest his head against the side of her neck while he still held onto her hands. Their heavy breaths filled the air and Negan let out a tight groan, “you feel so fucking good.”

“So do you,” she agreed, turning her head enough to kiss over the side of Negan’s neck and heard him wince when he looked down between them. Negan carefully pulled his hips from hers and heard her cry out when he did it. He swallowed down hard when he laid down in the bed beside her.

“Do you like me coming inside of you like that?” Negan looked her over and he watched her lift her head before reaching between her thighs to collect some of his seed. Bringing her fingertips up to her lips, she sucked softly at them and heard him growl from the sight alone. “You’re going to be the death of me…”

Negan met her in a desperate kiss, his tongue flicking the taste of him from hers when the sound of someone knocking on the door was heard and Negan cussed. Looking over his shoulder he cleared his throat uneasily before calling out, “Yeah?”

“Are you getting ready?” Y/N heard her father at the other side of the door and she shifted underneath Negan, but Negan reached up to wrap his palm around her lips to keep her silent.

“Yeah, give me…a few,” Negan cussed to himself when her father left the door and he looked down into her confused eyes. “Your dad asked me to go with him to a baseball game today. I’d rather spend it with you.”

“You can’t let him down,” she whispered and his eyes narrowed. He clearly was thinking of something. “What?”

“Why don’t you come with us? Ask him if you can go. I think he said your mom was originally going, so he has another ticket since she had to go into work or something this morning. Come with us,” Negan suggested and she let out a tight laugh. “You’ll save my ass.”

“That won’t be weird or anything,” she reminded him and he crawled further in over her, pinning her beneath him with a proud laugh. “My hands don’t want to stay off of you when I’m with you Negan.”

“Mmm, the feeling is mutual,” Negan hummed, dragging his tongue out over the front of her lips with one teasing swipe. It caused her to shudder and Negan groaned himself. Negan reached between them to push two of his large fingers back inside of her, pumping them slowly into her body. “I wonder how daddy would feel knowing you are mine now.”

“Negan,” she bit on her bottom lip, tipping her head back while his fingers pushed inside of her extremely sensitive body that was already weak from what he had done to her. “Pretty sure he’d kill you.”

“Ah, well that’s a shame. His beautiful little girl belongs to me now,” Negan inhaled sharply, his arrogant smile expanding over his features. “You take my cock so well after only three times baby. It’s like you were made for me, you know that? The way I fit into your tight…”

“Negan if you keep talking like that, I’m going to want you fucking me again,” she whimpered out and he licked over his lips in a cocky fashion. Negan pulled his fingers from her body and her hips arched up toward him, clearly wanting him to continue. Negan raised his fingertips to her lips knowing that they were coated in his release and hers. Lifting her head up, she went to take his fingertips in her mouth, but pulled them to his mouth and sucked over the tips of them. “You are crazy naughty…”

“Mmm, but you love it,” Negan felt her pulling him in closer to yank at his hair while her tongue pushed between his lips to get the taste of their lovemaking on her tongue. Negan hissed when he looked down between them. “I’m getting hard again and if I do that, your father is going to come back and fuck things up. I’ll go get his attention and keep it; you get ready and then suggest you come to the game.”

“I honestly would rather stay in bed with you all day,” she insisted when she adjusted where she was in his bed as he got up. Negan nodded, his eyebrow arching up when he reached for a pair of pants. He pulled the gray material up his body and she cocked her head to the side. “You’re not wearing anything underneath?”

“Don’t know how quickly I’ll need to pull him out,” Negan reached down to caress his palm over himself, watching her eyes settle in over his groin. “He keeps wanting to end up back with you…”

“That’s where I want him too,” she winked and Negan snorted before moving for a white t-shirt. He pulled that on and then reached for his leather jacket. Negan gave her one final kiss before tenderly nudging her jaw and moving out of his room.

After Negan left the room, she grabbed her things and took a quick shower. She wanted to make sure she was clean before attempting to go somewhere with Negan and her father. When she did suggest her going with them to the game, her father wasn’t exactly sold on the idea suggesting that she would be bored with him, but Negan insisted saying it would be a good idea.

For the most part she was quiet and just listened to her father and Negan bullshit while she sat in the back of Negan’s car. Occasionally Negan would sneak his hand behind the seat to reach for her hand and give it a firm squeeze. His eyes would glance back at her in the rearview mirror and while her father was talking Negan would crack a bright smile while looking back at her.

Once they arrived to the stadium, he father had gotten a call from work and left her alone with Negan, “I’m not sure this was a great idea.”

“I think it was a fine idea,” Negan whispered in her ear, tipping in closer to her and she nervously stepped away from him. “It’s okay.”

“You just don’t know where he is,” she looked around for her father and Negan reached down to grab her hand in his. He raised it to his lips to press a kiss over the back of it and her heart fluttered. Negan gave her a wink and urged her to stay where she was. When he returned he handed her over a stuffed mascot to the baseball stadium they were at. “What is this?”

“Consider this a reminder of our first date?” Negan offered and she laughed at the comment. “What?”

“You call this a date?” she looked down at the stuffed animal and he chuckled. “Sharing it with my father isn’t something I would think was a date.”

“Well, it’s our first official appearance out together since we started sleeping together,” Negan winked and cleared his throat when he saw her father approaching.

“Where’d you get that?” her father looked to the stuffed animal in her hands and she shrugged.

“I liked it and I bought it for myself,” she lied, looking to Negan who looked like he was going to shit himself with her father asking.

It didn’t take much convincing her father of that before they were headed for their seats. Negan had sat in the middle because he father had mentioned wanting to be able to talk to Negan about some things that he didn’t want to bother her with.

Half way through the game, she questioned why she was even there. While Negan was sitting next to her, she would occasionally have him sneaking his hand in hers while he was turned away from her talking to her father, but for the most part she was alone and silent watching the baseball game that neither Negan nor her father seemed to be paying attention to.

“Why invite me to this game if you were just going to lecture me about stuff we talked about last night?” she managed to hear Negan grumble and turn away from her father as he leaned back in the seat.

“Everything okay?” she looked between the two men and saw that Negan looked pissed.

“Can we talk?” her father reached for Negan’s arm and urged him up from his seat. Her father’s eyes connected with her and he nodded toward up the stairs. “We’ll be right back.”

Watching Negan walk up with her father, curiosity got the best of her and she followed them up. When she got to the top of the stairs she could see the two of them talking in the distance and got close enough to listen.

“I don’t think you can smoke in here Negan,” her father’s voice filled the air as she stood beside the opposite wall to eavesdrop. It was none of her business, but she really wondered what he father was actually lecturing Negan about.

“I don’t give a fuck,” Negan informed her father with a grunt and she could smell the menthol from Negan’s cigarette. “We’re with your kid right now, you know that, right? She’s probably wondering what the fuck is going on.”

“She’s an adult now, she’ll be fine,” her father snorted and Negan let out an angered breath. “I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life Negan, but my wife isn’t exactly happy with you bringing that girl to dinner the other night.”

“I’m aware,” Negan grunted and her father let out a frustrated sound. “Do you want me out of the house?”

Negan saying what he did made Y/N’s heart hammer inside of her chest, she didn’t like the idea of Negan gone. She wasn’t ready to let go of the relationship that they were having during this summer.

“No, I would never ask that from you,” her father answered and Negan snorted at the response. “I’m just saying you have to understand where my wife is coming from. You’re more our friend, but my wife knows everything Negan.”

“If she knows everything then she understands that there is nothing wrong with how I’m living life right now,” Negan rambled and she could see a cloud of smoke coming from beyond the wall she was hiding behind. “Listen, I like being at your house. It gives me time to relax and think about things. I know what your wife would rather me do with my life, but…I found someone.”

“The girl that you brought to that dinner?” her father questioned and she could feel her chest tightening up.

“I don’t even remember her name,” Negan was honest and he let out a tight laugh. “I just need something different and right now I’ve found that. Okay? I can’t take fighting all the time. I’ve found someone I like spending time with right now.”

Her heart fluttered hearing Negan talking like that. Was he talking about her in that way? Was she the person that he liked spending time with? She was swooning at the idea and found herself head over heels at the idea of what he said. 

“Okay and I get that. I’m just saying, don’t wave it around in the face of my wife because she’s going to be a bitch about it,” she heard her father speak up and Negan half laughed. “I’m glad you found someone you like being with. I want you happy Negan, I just…I’ve had to say something because…”

“Your wife kind of hates me,” Negan responded with a laugh and she stepped slowly away from them hoping to sneak away without getting caught. She watched Negan and he father laughing about something as she moved back toward their seats. A few minutes later Negan returned without her father and she looked over her shoulder to see if her father was coming back. “He got a call from work, he’ll be a minute.”

“That seemed intense when you guys left,” she pointed out as Negan reached out to squeeze at her thigh. She slid in closer to him and reached her hand for his, holding it tightly. “What was that about?”

“Honestly? Your mom didn’t like the stunt I pulled at the dinner,” Negan honestly answered and she was surprised that he was answering her truthfully. “She’s not really happy with me for sleeping around. It makes her uncomfortable. She thinks your dad is enabling me by letting me bring dates to things with your family.”

“She’d really be pissed if she knew the truth,” she shyly smiled and looked down when Negan winked at her and brought her hand up to his lips to kiss it. “That’s all?”

“I just think your mom isn’t happy with my life choices,” Negan informed her with a simple shrug of his shoulders. “She might think I’m poisoning her innocent daughter’s mind. Doesn’t want you around that…”

“We wouldn’t want that,” Y/N smirked, taking a look around before outreaching to slide her hand in over the center of Negan’s pants making Negan swallow down heavily. “I wouldn’t want a nasty man like you warping my innocent sense of self.”

“No, we’d never want that,” Negan’s deep voice pressed in closer to her, but she quickly pulled back and away when she saw her father moving back down the steps. Negan pulled as far to the other side of the seat when her father moved down the aisle.

“Work needs me right now for something. I’m going to have a car come and pick me up, are you okay with Negan taking you home?” her father questioned and she was quick to nod her head. “Are you alright with taking her home?”

“Sure thing boss,” Negan nodded and watched as her father walked back up the steps. “Are your parents always gone?”

“For the most part,” she thought back to most of her childhood. Her parents pretty much were gone all the time and taking off. “You get used to it.”

“Gives us more time together,” Negan sighed, reaching out to wrap his arm around her shoulders before looking to the game again. Negan shifted in the seat and let out a tight grunt. “Are you really paying attention to the game?”

“Not really,” she answered truthfully, looking to Negan. One of his thick eyebrows rose up and he nodded toward the stairs.

“Would you rather do something else together?” Negan offered and she felt him grabbing a hold of her hand urging her up when she nodded. “Don’t forget the stuffed animal.”

“I won’t,” she snickered, grabbing the toy that Negan had bought her as a gift.

When Negan had suggested them make an attempt at doing something else together, she almost expected to go back home and end up where they were this morning. They both were eager to stay together, but when Negan pulled into the parking lot of a bowling alley, she found herself confused.

“We’re going bowling?” she laughed and Negan shrugged. “Not where I saw this going.”

“Well it’s kind of a date. Right? We need to learn to have fun together other than just fucking,” Negan pointed out, getting out of his car and urging her to follow. “This is my friend’s place. When I need to blow off some steam, I kind of come here instead of beating the hell out of other people.”

“You feel that way often?” she followed him into the bowling alley and heard him let out a dark laugh. “That’s a yes.”

“Do I have an angry side, yes,” Negan answered truthfully. He stopped before they entered the building completely.

“Should I be scared about that?” she teased, reaching out to wrap her arms around his waist, caressing at the sides of his body.

“You should be scared of me, very scared,” Negan growled and tipped down to press a wet kiss over her lips. He urged her chin up closer to him and chuckled noticing her shuddering. “I’m a dangerous man.”

“You’re the kind of man that makes me want to get in trouble,” she informed him, licking over her bottom lip when she felt Negan reaching around to palm over her bottom in his hands.

“Just wait until you get to play with my balls,” Negan snorted, urging her to follow him into the building. The person at the desk seemed to know Negan and set him up with the ‘usual’ lane that she followed him to. Negan found them a few bowling balls and started to set things up.

“I didn’t realize you were a bowler,” she stammered watching him put his bowling shoes on. “Are you very good at it?”

“Oh no, I suck at it, but I sure as hell can throw the ball hard and I kind of count on that shit,” Negan winked, standing up to move into position before throwing the first ball. When you heard the sound of the bowling ball hitting the pins, you realized he wasn’t kidding. He threw hard, that was for sure. Negan didn’t get all of the pins down first try and she smirked. “What?”

“Can I ask you a few things? Some personal stuff?” she inquired and Negan’s eyebrows arched up in intrigue. “Kind of like a game of truth?”

“Again? I’ll be as honest with you as I can be,” Negan offered and sat down at the table she was at. “What do you have for me?”

“Why did you come and live with us for the summer? Is something wrong with your house?” she often pondered that very question, but Negan was never really open about that and for the most part she didn’t care. She just thought about her parents having a problem with the way he was doing things and she really wondered what was going on. Negan’s expression scrunched up and it was clear that he was uncomfortable answering that. “We don’t have to talk about stuff if you don’t want to.”

“Nothing is wrong with my house. I was having a lot of problems. My life was getting just a little bit too hard for me and I needed to get away. I needed somewhere to go and your dad was talking to me one night and offered for me to come out here for a while,” Negan swallowed down and his eyes shifted away from hers. “I was overwhelmed. I was angry and I wasn’t responding to things right. I needed to get away.”

She said nothing, just reached out to place her hand over his and watched his hazel eyes lift to meet hers, “We all get overwhelmed sometimes Negan…that makes you human.”

“I’m a monster Y/N,” Negan gulped down, his eyes narrowing out at her. “The best thing you could probably do is run away from me. I’m only going to hurt you.”

“I’ll take my chances,” she winked, squeezing his hand firmly before moving up to try her hand at bowling. It had been years since she had actually done it and she wasn’t good then and was probably even worse now. Negan snickered at her first throw and she threw him back a glare. “Sorry, not exactly bowling every weekend.”

“Can we do this whole honesty thing back and forth?” Negan questioned from where he was sitting while she got prepared for her next throw. “Tell as much truth as we can with each other?”

“Sure,” she shrugged, knowing there wasn’t much for her to hide. She threw the ball before returning back to Negan. “I guess we’ll just go as we think of a question.”

“Do you like anything about me other than my looks?” Negan scoffed, tapping his hands on top of the table. His question caused her to laugh, but his expression was very serious, his jaw locking up when he stared out at her. “No one likes me, at all. All I am is good looks and a nice fuck.”

“Negan, you’re gorgeous and I’m not going to lie that I’m extremely attracted to you,” she began and shifted on her feet. “And there is something incredibly attractive about your confidence, but there is something to you more than just that. When we were just hanging out together while my parents were gone, I really liked it. The sexual stuff feels amazing and I crave it like you can’t believe, but I like you. I like spending time with you.”

“Why? I’m just an asshole,” Negan snorted and she moved around the table to reach out to brush her fingertips through his hair. It was weird the connection the two of them had after all the time they had spent together. “I’m not lying to you Y/N. I’m an awful person. I hurt people. I’m no good for you.”

“We all do bad things,” she acknowledged with a nod. “Yeah, you’ve been a dick to me, but I really like you.”

“What do you expect to happen between us?” Negan nervously licked over his lips while naturally leaning into her caress. It was strange how comfortable he found himself getting with her. “You know that at the end of the summer I have to go my way and you have to go yours.”

“I really don’t want to think about that,” she truthfully responded. “I want to cherish every moment I have with you. Whatever happens next, then…we’ll deal with it. Unless that’s something you don’t want.”

“Nah, I want to spend as much time with you as possible,” Negan grumbled, reaching up with his hand to grasp at hers while she lowered her caress to over his cheek. “It’s weird, I’m usually a one and done guy, but with you…I love the way you are. The way you look at me, the way I make you smile…no one looks at me like you do. I like the way you look at me.”

“How do I look at you?” she snickered confused by what he was saying.

“Like you think there is more to me than there is. Like you believe there is something good in me and I like it,” Negan answered. “It’s going to break me when that changes.”

“It doesn’t have to change,” she leaned down to brush a soft kiss over his lips and Negan grunted. He wasn’t used to this sweet shit and being romantic with her just felt, odd. “Nothing is going to change the way I look at you.”

“It will,” Negan refused and let out an upset sound. “I think…I think I need to tell you something.”

“Yeah?” she felt him pulling her in closer to him and he kissed her again. “What’s that?”

“I…I’m kind of fucking scared to tell you,” Negan hummed against her lips and brushed his fingers through her hair. There was an uneasiness in his body and he let out a heavy exhale. “I love fucking you…”

“I think we know that and the feeling is mutual,” she giggled and he shook his head. “What?”

“I’m just scared if I tell you, this all stops,” Negan gulped and he looked to the bowling lane that was ready for him. “You see…I’m…”

There was a silence that fell between them. Negan clearly was caught up in thinking about what to tell her and his Adam’s apple bounced in his throat.

“It’s my turn,” Negan half laughed, getting up from his seat and the seriousness that was between them suddenly halted. Negan grabbed his ball and launched it down the lane causing the pins to make an explosive sound when he got a strike. “And now it’s your turn.”

When she laughed and nodded, moving for the balls, Negan reached for her hands and pulled her to him, “Why have you never slept with someone before me Y/N? You had to have reasons, right?”

“I never really saw rhyme or reason to it. Why just…do it?” she answered, thinking back to the boys that she could have dated in the past. “I realize it makes me look stupid, but I really just had no interest. I wanted to focus on school. I wanted to be good.”

“Having sex doesn’t make you bad,” Negan retorted, his brow line creasing when he spoke. “It makes you feel good and if something makes you feel good…”

“I didn’t need it to feel good,” she thought back to it and she shrugged. “I figured it would happen eventually and I’m glad I waited until it was with you.”

“Why?” Negan blurt out clearly confused on why she liked him as much as she did. “Why did I deserve to take your virginity?”

“I have had the biggest crush on you forever. I know that makes this weird, but…I think you’re the person that brought me into my sexual awakening,” she blushed, thinking back to how long she had a thing for Negan. “I realize it got a little fucked by the end of the night, but you asked me how I wanted to lose my virginity and I said under the stars and that’s where you took me. I came up with a ridiculous fantasy and you tried to give me that. Not many people would do that.”

“You deserved better than what you got,” Negan grumbled and she moved in to wrap her hands around his hips to pull him in closer to her. Negan reached up to brush her hair out of her eyes and a smirk pressed in over his features. “You’re so pure…and so innocent. I wish I could have found someone like you when I was younger. You probably could have saved me.”

“I can save you now,” she insisted, tipping up on her toes to meet him in another sweet, subtle kiss. “You just have to let someone in.”

“You are the closest thing I’ve ever done that with,” Negan whispered, looking around the pretty much empty bowling alley. “You’re too good for me, you know that?”

“Negan I was a virgin that really had no idea what I was doing. You’re stunning. I think people would say you’re too good for me,” she teasingly poked at his ribs and Negan rolled his eyes. “That mouth of yours is fucking incredible.”

“I’ve got a wicked tongue, but I know how to use it,” Negan winked and slid his palms in over her bottom to squeeze firmly at it. The sensation of her pressing her hips as close up to his groin as possible was felt and he grunted, “I want to fuck you again.”

“Right now?” she nervously stammered, looking to the few people that were in the bowling alley. “We’d probably get arrested for that.”

“Come here,” Negan looked to make sure they were close to alone before moving for the men’s restroom. He tugged on her hand and led her into the bathroom. Negan looked to make sure they were alone before locking the door to the bathroom. Negan pressed her up against the door, hearing her whimper when he pulled at the bottom of her shirt. He balled up the material and met her lips in a heated kiss. “You make me feel so fucking good.”

Negan’s kisses were wet and sloppy before he pulled her shirt from her body. Negan tossed it aside and hastily pulled her bra off as well. Negan’s lips were quick to surround one of her nipples while he suctioned his mouth over the small bud and then teased his tongue around it. Her fingers clung to his hair and tugged firmly feeling her body already warming up to his caress. Desperate breaths were falling from her throat while Negan pampered her in the ways he only had. 

“And not just in the sexual way,” Negan breathed against her flesh. His lips were moving from breast to breast before backing up to give himself space to pull his shirt from his own body after dropping his leather jacket to the floor. “I like the way you make me feel.”

“I like the way you make me feel too,” she agreed and felt him nudging her toward the single sink that was in the bathroom. He made her face forward toward the mirror and was eager to pull at the back of her pants. Her hands grasped tightly to the sink while she watched him reach for something from his pocket. “You don’t have to wear a condom Negan…”

“I’m not wearing a condom,” he answered and she looked back over her shoulder to see that he had his cell phone out and she pulled herself forward reaching for her pants. “What?”

“What are you doing?” she gulped and Negan shrugged his shoulders. “Do you think that’s smart with you living in my parent’s home?”

“You don’t want me to record me fucking you?” Negan handed her over the phone that was already recording and he urged her to lower her hand so it was focused on his lower abdomen. Negan very slowly pulled open his belt and dragged the material apart. He pulled open the button and dragged the zipper down in a teasing fashion. “I don’t think us having a video of what we’re doing together is a bad thing. Especially when the end of the summer comes faster than we want it to. I have a lock on my phone and I’ll give you the video too.”

“Negan…” her throat went dry when he pushed his pants down to the bottom of his hips. She continued to record on his phone when his hard cock sprung from his pants. Negan reached down with his long, skinny fingers to wrap them around his length while he pumped over it slowly.

“I think it’s fucking hot,” Negan stated with a wide grin, lowering down to his knees and he reached out to grab a tight hold of her pants again. Negan urged them down and heard her whimper with the movement. He leaned forward and teased a strip over her wet folds with his tongue, making sure to keep his eyes on the camera part of the phone. Negan heard her cry out when he grabbed a tight hold of her bottom to urge her in closer to his mouth so that he could slurp at her clit making her shudder on her weakened legs. Negan pressed wet kiss after wet kiss over her body while her cries filled the air. A chuckle pressed against her intimate parts causing her to shake upon the vibrations of it. Negan wildly flicked his tongue at her body causing her to reach down with one hand to hook tightly into his hair. Negan growled against her flesh and pulled away with a final wet sound. “Now turn around.”

Y/N did as she was told and braced herself on the sink again after he grabbed the phone from her. Negan teased the tip of his cock through her wet folds almost playing with her while her hips tried to move back against him to get him inside of her. Negan’s deep laugh filled the air when she let out a frustrated sound and in the mirror she could see that he was filming it still on his phone.

“Fuck…” Negan’s deep moan filled the air when he swiftly pushed his length inside of her making another wet sound fill the air when he filled her completely. Negan’s eyebrows tensed together when he looked up in the mirror and was watching the expressions over her face. “Your tight pussy is so wet for me already baby.”

“Fuck me Negan,” she begged, trying to rock her hips back against his length that was static inside of her. “Please…”

“With a request like that, how could I refuse?” Negan’s hand gripped onto her hip urging her forward very slowly before urging her back again against him. Gradually he let her pick up the pace and her cries were filling the air. “Oh, you’re not being quiet now, are you? You like daddy’s cock?”

“Yes,” she panted while Negan started to thrust forward in strong movements repeatedly. Negan’s moan filled the air while the sounds of their skin slapping together got louder.

“Daddy never wants to leave your pretty pussy, you know that?” Negan slurred, tipping forward to bite at her shoulder while his hips bucked harder against her bottom. “You feel so good around my fat cock. I was gonna say I wish you could see the view I have right now, but afterwards you can…”

“Jesus Negan,” she cried out loudly, her whimpers filling the small bathroom and Negan hushed her with a laugh. “I can’t help it. The way you are moving just…it feels so fucking good.”

“Oh you like it from behind, huh? That’s right, you like the way daddy’s cock feels inside of you,” Negan cooed bringing his palm firmly over her bottom with a smack. A whine fell from her parted lips as Negan chuckled. “Someone is going to fucking hear us…”

“You would love that,” she replied with a pant, licking her lips while she rocked her hips back harder against Negan and he was impressed with how eager she was bring herself back against his cock. Negan moaned out, trying to keep the camera where he wanted it while she smacked back against him. “Negan…”

The way her body was locking up told him that she was close to an orgasm and Negan started thrusting as quickly as he could inside of her. His heavy breaths escaped his lungs and the winces from his throat filled the small bathroom while he fucked her. Her legs began to shake and shiver while he brought his palm over her bottom again. The way her body contracted around his cock made him throw his head back and he felt his abdomen tensing. She clearly picked up on the fact that he was close as well while she smacked her hips back against him harder.

“Fuck…fuck…fuck…” Negan moaned while she reached around them to grab a hold of his hips to help urge him harder inside of her. “Do you want me to pull out?”

“No,” she shook her head and Negan proudly laughed from deep within. Negan’s hips continued through with their movements while he came inside of her and groaned with each final thrust he made. Negan came deep inside of her and her cries told him that she loved it. “Yes…daddy…”

“Oh, good girl,” Negan hummed, licking over his lips as he reached down to grab a hold of the base of his cock. Negan pulled himself from her body slowly and kept his phone hooked on what he wanted. She let out a cry when he pulled away and tapped his cock against her bottom. “Lean forward baby…”

She did as he asked and he reached to push her thighs apart so he could focus on his release dripping from her body. Negan smiled arrogantly and lifted his eyes, “I love that you let me cum inside of you. I don’t get to do that, nor would I trust others to do that with, but you are just daddy’s perfect, pure little angel, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know if pure would be the word,” she pulled forward from his grasp and got to her knees after turning to him. She stuck her tongue out for him and Negan let out an amused breath. He caressed his cock a few times and tapped the head of his cock against her tongue. Her lips wrapped around his cock and sucked off the remainder of the taste of their sex.

“No, you’re mine…you’re pure,” Negan let out another grunt when continued to suck over his semi erect cock. Negan ended the video and set his phone aside. Reaching down, he caressed over the side of her face and winked. “And you always will be…”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader begins to feel emotions for Negan that she promised him that she would never feel while learning the multiple sides of Negan that she didn't know existed before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading and I'll do my best to update this story ASAP.

“What are we doing here?” Y/N got out of Negan’s car after he had pulled up to the area that he had taken her to when they first had slept together. Looking out at the open plot of land, she watched Negan moving to the trunk of his muscle car and cleared her throat apprehensively. “You know my parents are going to come home at some point, right? I think we could get away with the bowling, but coming here…not so sure. At some point they are going to question both of us being gone at the same exact time.”

“I already wrote your father to tell him I wouldn’t be back tonight. I have a good out,” Negan explained with a small smirk. “If you can figure out a good sell, then you should try doing that.”

“So we’re staying the night here?” her eyebrow perked up in intrigue and Negan’s tongue swiped over his bottom lip. His right eyebrow arched when he nodded. “I guess I’ll think of something.”

“Good girl,” Negan hummed as he reached for her hand and convinced her to follow him toward the lake that was off in the distance. “I love it here.”

“How did you even know this was here?” she followed him toward the edge of the water. When they reached it, Negan moved in behind her and wrapped his arms around her tightly. His jaw rest over her shoulder and she found herself leaning back into his chest.

“I used to come here a lot as a kid. To get away from things,” Negan sighed and she shuddered at the sensation of his breath teasing over the side of her neck. The warmth of it compared the cool air surrounding them felt amazing. “It helped me get my mind off things when I was overwhelmed.”

“Sounds like maybe you still come here a lot,” she looked over her shoulder and her eyebrow raised in interest. Negan’s dimples sucked in when he smiled knowing that she had clearly picked up on that “It’s a beautiful place.”

“When you mentioned wanting to be under the stars the first time you had sex, this was the first place I thought of,” Negan chuckled nuzzling his nose against the side of her neck making her laugh at the sensation. “You make me want to be a better man, you know that?”

“Oh yeah?” she smirked when he began to pepper kisses against the side of her neck in a playful manner. Hooking her fingers with his, she found herself falling back further into his chest and smiled more than she probably cared to admit. “I don’t know if this is the best thing I’ve done or the stupidest…”

“Why is that?” Negan pressed a wet kiss against her flesh, dragging his bottom lip slowly up the side of her neck.

“Because I care about you too much,” she swallowed down hard and Negan sluggishly pulled his lips away from her neck. “I know we’re supposed to go our separate ways at the end of the summer, but I like being with you too much.”

“I know,” Negan sighed, squeezing her tighter in his arms. “I feel the same way.”

“Glad I’m not the only crazy one,” she whispered hearing him laugh against her skin and she closed her eyes firmly. Moments like this were what she wanted to stick in her mind and remember. Having Negan holding her this close was something she never wanted to forget. The warmth of him against her and around her felt incredible. “Is this what you were doing when you were my age?”

“Having a secret love affair with an older man that was my father’s friend?” Negan filled in the blanks making her giggle when he teased her. Her laughter made him smile against the side of her neck before he bit delicately at her skin. “I had a girlfriend at your age. We were going to go to the same college, so no...I wasn’t having such an exciting summer as you have been.”

“Oh, is that what this is? Exciting?” she teased him and heard him make a dramatic sound as if he was offended. He playfully tickled at her ribs making her laugh and turn herself in his arms. Her hands placed over his chest while he reached up to brush her hair out of her face. Negan’s jaw was clenching and he licked his lips while he stared out at her. “I’ve enjoyed this summer very much.”

“Me too,” Negan agreed, leaning in and his nose softly nudged at hers. A smile cracked in over his lips before finally laying a kiss over her lips. The kiss was slow, almost in a teasing fashion and she was surprised how easily Negan could give her chills. There was something so special about him and the way he could make her feel. “I’m glad I ended up where I did.”

“How do we part ways?” she slurred against his lips, but Negan shook his head and hushed her. “I don’t even know how to prepare myself.”

“Let’s not even think about that yet,” Negan grumbled against her mouth, tipping down to rest his forehead against hers. Reaching up, he dragged his thumb along her bottom lip and took time to stare into her eyes. “I just want to enjoy every single moment I have with you.”

“I know I shouldn’t ask, but…” she licked at her lips and thought back to the bowling alley when Negan got extremely deep with her on an emotional level. “What were you going to tell me at the bowling alley, but stopped?”

“The deepest darkest parts of me,” Negan admitted with a rumble in his chest and his hands slid in over the sides of her. “I’m just not ready for you to see those parts of me yet. I want you to see the light in me.”

“Oh, I see the light alright,” she poked into his chest and heard his proud laugh fill the air. “You’re a dangerous man Negan.”

“Did you want to see that video we made?” Negan’s nose wrinkled and she shook her head before thinking it over and nodding slowly. “I thought so…”

Negan dropped down on the grass and urged her with him making her take a seat beside him on the ground. When she took a seat she looked to see that Negan was pulling his phone out of his pocket and he pulled open the video that they had taken. Handing her over his phone, he got comfortable and pressed his hands back against the grass while he watched her.

“I don’t even like looking at myself naked half the time Negan,” she looked over her shoulder at him and he rolled his eyes. “I’m just saying this isn’t really me. You make me do things I wouldn’t normally have done.”

“The same goes for you, but in a sweet way. I guess I bring out your naughty side and you bring out my caring side,” Negan responded watching her cheeks blush over when she watched him pulling open his pants in the video. “You should see the look on your face. It’s like a young girl that is watching porn for the first time and you don’t want your parents to catch you. It’s fucking adorable, but…that cock was inside you baby. It’s okay to watch and enjoy it sweetheart.”

“You do have a beautiful cock,” she confessed as Negan leaned in to press kisses over her jawline. Licking at her lips, she tilted her head up and allowed Negan to kiss over the areas he pleased. Her body was already shaking and he grumbled an amused sound against her flesh.

“I know you like it,” Negan chuckled as he pulled away enough to look down at his lap. “It’s one thing most people don’t complain about when it comes to me.”

“Is sex that good with everyone else?” she inquired feeling her cheeks blush over watching the video closely. It was making her hotter than it should have been and she knew that she couldn’t keep jumping Negan’s bones. While she would love to do it again, she didn’t know if it made her pathetic to want to keep sleeping with him.

“No, I’m just really good,” Negan assured her with a laugh and she rolled her eyes. “Most men aren’t like me. They don’t pay attention to what you like. What makes you shake, what makes you moan the most. Most men are just in and out. They want to reach that orgasm and they don’t care if you get it. Me, I want to make sure you cum. I want to make you cum so many times that you feel like the fucking queen that you are.”

“So are you like that with everyone?” she poked further at him and Negan smirked.

“No. I’m good at sex, but I only do what I’ve done with you with the people I care about,” Negan acknowledged with a heavy sigh. “Sex is nice and it feels good, but when you are connected with someone on a mental level…there is something special about it that makes you feel so much better. It feels fucking fantastic.”

“So you’re a bit more selfish when you are with people that are just some random romps?” she replied and Negan snorted.

“I don’t go down on anyone like that,” Negan’s eyebrow perked up when he looked to the video that was still playing on his phone. He noticed the goose bumps that were over her body when she looked to it. “I’ve done that for two people in the last few years. You’re one of them, but God…I love doing it to you.”

“You don’t like doing it because you don’t like tasting like people,” she recalled what he had told her. Negan reached out to trace his fingertips over her arm seemingly teasing her more. Negan smirked and nodded once before moving in to kiss her, but she stopped him. “What makes me so special?”

“You’re mine,” Negan slurred, his bottom lip skimming over hers and it caused her body to shake. “I’ve had you in ways that no one else has…in ways no one else ever will. Plus, listen to you. You love it so fucking much, how could I keep it from you with my wicked tongue?”

“Jesus,” she shivered at the sound of his growl when he moved in to bite at her neck again. “You’re like a damn drug. As soon as I get a taste of you, I can’t stop.”

“Thank you,” Negan chuckled against the side of her neck, teasing the tip of his tongue against her flesh making her shudder. “Do you want me to send you that video?”

“Eventually…” she turned closer to Negan and rest her forehead against his. “So what happened with that college girlfriend?”

“She hates me,” Negan explained, clearing his throat awkwardly when he pulled back to look her over. “She ruined my life and I most certainly ruined hers.”

“Well that sounds intense,” she stammered and Negan shrugged. “I’m sorry I brought it up.”

“I told you I would answer you as best as I could without making you hate me,” Negan responded with a shrug. “I want to be as open with you as I can be.”

“Mmm…I see,” she met his lips in another slow, faint kiss. Negan pulled her in closer to him while he reached up to cup her jaw firmly in his hand. Gradually the kiss deepened and she could feel Negan’s tongue flicking against hers. Pulling away, she heard him let out a frustrated sound and he tried to move in to kiss her again, but she laughed. “Tell me something about you that I don’t know. A hidden talent.”

“I think you’ve seen most of my hidden talents,” Negan grunted, attempting to kiss her again, but she placed her hand firmly over the center of his chest to keep him back. “I don’t fucking know.”

“Humor me,” she requested of him while reaching up to slide her hand over his chiseled jaw. Negan leaned into her touch and let out a stressed sound. “Nothing sexual either.”

“Says the girl who is holding our sex video right now,” Negan nodded toward the cellphone and she rolled her eyes. She closed up the phone and tossed it back to him making Negan grunt. “You ended a sexy moment there.”

“We’ll have plenty more,” she breathed, urging him again to try and come up with something.

“I can skip rocks?” Negan’s nose wrinkled when he lifted his eyes to the body of water that was before them. Negan got up from where he was seated and looked for a rock that he found sufficient before motioning her up. “It’s a useless talent, but…”

Negan made sure she was close enough and he threw his arm back before tossing the stone. Negan let out an amused sound when he watched it skip across the surface. Looking back over his shoulder he could tell that she was entertained that he was proud of himself and he shrugged, “I told you I’ve spent a lot of time here.”

“No, it’s…pretty cool,” she nodded and Negan motioned her to step forward. He searched the rocks by the water before finding one he liked. He moved in behind her and carefully placed the stone within her fingertips. She let him adjust her fingertips the way he wanted. When he urged her to throw the stone in the water, she did and watched it simply splash into the water.

“Wow…that really sucked,” Negan snorted from behind her and she shrugged. “So you’re not great at everything.”

“Unfortunately,” she turned to face him and tipped up on her toes. Gripping at the sides of his face, she took in the scent of him and could hear his breathing getting heavier. “Where did the name Negan come from?”

“My parents gave it to me?” Negan teased with a laugh and moved in to kiss her, but she pulled back again. Frustration filled the air from his grunt that she kept denying him the kiss, but she didn’t care. Her hands slid down over his jawline, toward his neck and around the back of his neck. “I was supposed to be named Nolan.”

“Nolan?” she chuckled and Negan nodded, his tongue dragging out over his bottom lip. Her laugh clearly amused him as both his eyebrows arched up. “Nolan wouldn’t fit you.”

“I happen to agree with that,” Negan let out a short grunt. “My mother went into labor and when they asked my father what my name was, he couldn’t remember. He just happened to also be very drunk at the time and wrote down Negan.”

“Bullshit,” she giggled and Negan shook his head, a small laugh falling from his lips.

“I wish I was kidding,” he responded with a long, drawn out breath. His hazel eyes searched hers deeply and there was an extended silence between the two of them. Negan stepped forward to lessen the distance between them and he reached up to press her hair from her face. “You’re so fucking beautiful, you know that?”

“You’re smooth,” she felt a chill running down her spine with the way that Negan was looking at her. There was something in the way that Negan looked at her that made her feel special. It made her feel hot and amazing all over. It was something she had never experienced before, but the way his eyes shifted over her body made her feel special. The butterflies would develop in her stomach every time he gave her a certain look and she found herself going weak in the knees just staring into his beautiful hazel eyes. “What are your plans for us tonight?”

“I was thinking of going skinny dipping,” Negan nodded toward the lake making her let out a hesitant laugh. She looked before her nose wrinkled. She would normally do anything he wanted, but it was cold and the idea of being in the water made her uncomfortable. “You would do that for me, wouldn’t you?”

“I would do anything for you, but…” she began and Negan laughed, leaning in to meet her lips in a forceful kiss. It was strong enough to knock her back, but his hands were firmly over her sides to keep her in place. Negan’s tongue pressed between her lips and she whimpered when the flick of it was over hers. Everything inside of her melted when Negan would kiss her and he knew it, he was proud of it.

“I’m fucking with you…” Negan grumbled against her mouth, looking toward the car. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

She obeyed, observing Negan slowly walking back to the car. Everything Negan did was a surprise lately. Reaching for her phone, she pulled it out and began to write her mother a text. She thought of the best possible lie she could come up with and then texted one of her friends to make sure they would back her story if her parents contacted them. She was sure they wouldn’t. It had been a long time since her parents really gave a shit what was going on with her. Her mother cared about her, but they were always too lost in themselves to think about anything other than that. She was also an adult now. It wasn’t like she couldn’t just disappear. Her parents would have dealt with it either way, but she did what Negan suggested.

“Have you been camping before?” Negan’s voice startled her and she looked over her shoulder to see Negan setting up a few things behind her. Surveying the items, she saw a large sleeping bag, a single pillow, a basket and a lantern already set up. Negan finished straightening out the sleeping bag before wiggling his finger at her, tempting her to come closer.

“You’re friends with my parents, do you think I’ve been camping before?” she slowly lowered down onto the sleeping bag with Negan while he turned on the LED lantern that mimicked candle light. “That almost feels like cheating.”

“I’m doing my best here to set a mood, give me a break,” Negan huffed, sliding in closer to her and reaching out with his right hand too hook his fingers around the back of her neck. Negan tugged softly, demanding her lips to his again. A pant fell from her throat, but she eagerly kissed him back loving that connection with Negan. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course,” she swore with a heavy breath when he pulled away from the kiss. Her forehead leaned against his and a small, wicked giggle fell from his throat.

“Stand up,” Negan muttered making her half smile. She was unsure if that was what he really wanted from her considering he just had her get down. “You’re going to listen to daddy, right?”

Licking at her lips, she nodded once and unhurriedly stood from where she was seated. Negan leaned back on his hands and gazed out at her, “Good girl. Now take your clothes off for me and do it like the sexy girl you know you are. No more of that innocent shit. Only I can call you innocent after what you’ve done. So no more shyness. Show me that you know how fucking beautiful you are.”

A nervous breath fell from her lips when she shifted before him. Negan’s thick eyebrows perked up and he crossed his legs on the blanket waiting for her to do what he asked of her. There was a flushing at her cheeks and the warmth of them flooded further into her face. Reaching down she grabbed for the bottom of her shirt and very slowly pulled the material of it up her body. Negan made a rumble of a sound when she tossed the shirt aside. Negan tipped his head to the side when she began to unbuckle her pants after carefully kicking off her shoes. Pulling the material open of her pants, she turned to face away from Negan. Jerking the material down her body, she stuck her bottom further out in his direction while taking her time to gradually reveal herself to him.

“Good girl,” Negan approved from behind her when she got the material to her ankles. The pounding of her heart inside of her chest made her panic, but at the same time it turned her on. There was always the fear that she was doing this wrong, but when she looked over her shoulder to see Negan eating her alive with his glance, she was fueled to continue. “Keep going.”

“Yes daddy,” she agreed and unhooked her bra, letting it drop down her arms before tossing the material aside.

“Touch your breasts,” Negan ordered from where he was sitting, his eyes surveying her body. Listening, she traced her fingertips up her abdomen and toward her breast, teasing the nipples with slow circular motions. “Fuck…you’re gorgeous.”

Negan’s jaw flexed while she cupped her breasts in her hands, purring out before sliding one of her hands back down her stomach, “touch yourself…”

Listening to his request her hand palmed in over her mound that was covered by the thin material of her panties while her other hand still caressed over her breast. Negan smiled bright and his eyes met hers, “Are you wet?”

“Yes daddy,” she replied, cooing to herself when she managed to slip her hand beneath her panties to rub gingerly at her body. Her eyes centered in over Negan’s pants and her mouth grew wet with want. “Can I take them off?”

“Sure you can baby,” Negan hummed while she slowly pulled the material from her body. When she went to toss the material aside, Negan shook his head and snapped his fingers at her. “Those belong to me. Toss them here…”

Doing as she was told, Negan let out another amused laugh before pushing the material into his pocket, “Get down here with me.”

Sinking down, she got to her knees and seductively crawled toward Negan. His hazel eyes were hooded with lust and he bit firmly on his bottom lip while he observed her. Once close enough, she reached out to caress up and over his thighs, dragging her breasts over his legs. Negan exhaled heavily and he tipped his head back.

“Do you want me to suck your cock daddy?” she offered and Negan’s Adam’s apple bounced in his thick throat. The veins were showing more clearly with his head tipped back like that and she found herself desperate for him to say yes. “Please?”

“No,” Negan frowned, looking down toward the center of his pants and he shook his head. The frown that fell over her lips made him let out a long, dramatic laugh and he reached out to swipe his thumb over her bottom lip. Taking the tip of his finger into her mouth, she nibbled delicately at it and heard him hum. “You’re a naughty girl.”

Negan allowed her to suck at his fingers, taking them between her parted lips sucking over them as she would his cock and he closed his eyes tightly finding the restriction of the material of his pants causing an ache to grow inside of him, “Lay down…”

“But daddy,” she whined and Negan’s eyebrows tensed.

“Now,” he snapped and she obeyed. Lying back against the sleeping bag, she rest her head against the pillow and her breathing was erratic watching Negan stand. Negan kicked out of his shoes and swiftly urged his leather jacket onto the grass. There was no haste in the way Negan took off his shirt, but that’s where he stopped when he reached for the basket he had brought. Negan pulled it open to grab what he wanted and when he slowly lowered down she could see that he had a rose in his hand. “Don’t move.”

“Where did the rose come from?” she chuckled, but his hazel eyes narrowed out at her.

“Listen, I was planning on doing this today whether your father took me to a baseball game or not. So shut up and listen to me. This is the last time you’re going to speak out unless I tell you otherwise,” Negan growled and she felt an excitement filling her body. There was a tingling at her core and her hips involuntarily arched up. “Don’t move unless I tell you otherwise. Understand?”

“Yes daddy,” she nodded.

“Good girl,” Negan’s grin expanded and his dimples sucked in. A sharp exhale fell from her lips and she couldn’t help it. To say that she was excited with what he was doing was an understatement. Negan crawled in over her, balancing himself on his knees over her. Negan took the rose and traced over her body with the pedals of the flower causing her to tremble as he did it. “I fucked up our first time…”

A quivering sound escaped her throat when Negan teased the flower from the base of her throat, down between the valley of her breasts and toward her lower abdomen. When the flower lowered between her thighs she whimpered and Negan let out a proud sound.

“This time I’m going to do it right,” Negan looked up at the sky for a moment, urging her to do the same. “The stars are pretty fucking fantastic tonight, don’t you think?”

She nodded and Negan noticed that she was listening when he told her that she couldn’t speak unless he said so, “You’re allowed to speak when I ask you a question.”

“It’s beautiful,” she truthfully responded noticing the way that the stars shined above them. Negan glanced up again before lowering his head to meet her stare.

“Stay still,” Negan hummed with a drawn out breath. Negan set the rose beside her and carefully lowered himself down her body. Negan’s kisses started at her ankle, taking his time to drag his lips, leaving a wet mark over her skin. Negan’s kisses slowly rose further up her body and more than anything she wanted to reach out and touch him, but she tried to listen. Her hands grasped firmly at the material of the sleeping bag when Negan’s mouth dragged out long, wet kisses over her inner thighs. The sensation drew her hips to arch up closer to him and Negan growled. “I said stay still darlin’.”

“I’m sorry daddy,” she swallowed down hard while Negan’s eyes were hooked on her for a moment before he began kissing at her body again. Negan seemed to tease her by kissing at her inner thighs and then kissing at her lower abdomen. It was like he was trying to get her to move after he had ordered her to stay still. More than anything, that’s what she wanted, to be able to touch him. What he was doing felt amazing and it was causing a fire to flood through her veins. His tongue flicked out and teased over her folds making her whimper. “Negan…”

Negan simply hummed against her body and it caused her to jolt. His hands grasped at her hips to keep her in place while he forced his tongue between her folds, meeting her clitoris in a slow, teasing movement. Negan suckled tenderly at her flesh before moving his kisses to her hips. The trail of his lips moved further up toward the center of her torso and then to her chest. A frustrated sound involuntarily escaped her and Negan chuckled against her skin. He was teasing her and he was doing a damn fine job of it. If the outcome was to get her extremely hot and bothered, he was accomplishing it. Negan reached out to cup at her breasts and she mewled out. “Please Negan…”

“Shhhh…” Negan hushed her, moving his palm to lower his mouth to her breast. His tongue twisted and twirled around her nipple. Her body desperately wanted to arch up to him and it took everything inside of her to obey to his rules from earlier. Negan picked up on her breathing getting heavier and the expression over his face almost looked wickedly amused. “You have no idea how much I love doing this with you. God, you are so fucking expressive. I’ve never been with someone who reacts like you do to every fucking thing.”

Negan bit at her nipple, giving it a tug making her gasp. When he released it, his tongue flicked gently around it before he moved to the other one. The way at which she was squeezing her fingers into the sleeping bag had her believing that her knuckles had to be turning white. More than anything she wanted to touch him. To tangle her fingers into his dark hair, but she resisted.

“Help daddy get out of his pants,” Negan slurred, pulling his mouth away from her body leaving a small trail of saliva with it. Negan got on his knees above her chest and she reached up with her hands to palm over the front of his body. The stiffness of his rock hard erection turned her on all the more while Negan dragged his tongue over his bottom lip. His eyes were on her like a hawk and it was obvious this whole thing was turning him on just as much as it was for her. Shakily, she outstretched her hands to reach for his belt, dragging it out slowly. Negan’s chest was rising and falling in such a rhythm that it drew her into him. There was an eagerness to the way she pulled apart his pants and reached inside to grab at his cock. Negan leaned forward when she managed to pull his body out into her grasp. With the help of Negan she managed to get his pants down to the bottom of his waist and she desperately pumped her hand over his cock. “Ah fuck baby girl, you make me want to go against the plans I have and just absolutely destroy your pussy.”

“If that’s what you want,” she leaned in to kiss at his toned hip while Negan’s fingers dug into her hair. The grip on her hair was strong and a breath caught in the back of her throat when he tugged it back. “Let me taste you.”

“No, we did that this morning…” Negan looked down at his already straining cock. Reaching for it with his free hand, he urged the tip of it in front of her mouth and watched her go to open her mouth. Negan shook his head. “Just kiss it.”

Soft, gentle kisses were pressed over his length and he hissed at the sensation. The innocence in her eyes while she looked up at him caused him to lock up and Negan found himself eager to pounce on her, but he was doing his best to keep up to what he wanted. When her lips wrapped around the tip of his cock, he pulled away. The motion caused a wet sound to fill the air while Negan made a tsking sound, “I said no to the blowjob darlin’. We’ve got plenty of time for that.”

“Summer is almost over Negan,” she pointed out while Negan gradually lowered himself. He urged her thighs apart and laid himself over her, making sure to brace his weight.

“Us fucking doesn’t have to stop at the end of the summer,” Negan insisted, tipping down to meet her lips in a tender, slow kiss. Her fingers reached up to tangle into his hair when his tongue delved between her lips. Negan’s hips softly bucked up against her and she could feel the length of his cock teasing at her entrance. “We might not get to spend time together like this, but...I don’t want to let you go.”

“What do you mean?” she desperately kissed him, cupping his squared jaw in her hands. Teasing her fingers through his short beard while kissing him, she took her time to memorize his face. Everything about this was perfect and she never wanted to lose what she had with Negan.

“I live in the city you’re going to school. It’s a suburb right out of it,” Negan answered, pulling back enough to reach between the two of them to tease the head of his cock through her wet folds. A whimper escaped her and filled the night air while her hips arched up against him. “Maybe…maybe this doesn’t have to end.”

There was a silence that fell between them. More than anything she wanted that. She wanted it so badly, but there was a problem. Negan told her that she couldn’t fall in love with him and if she continued to spend time with him, she knew that she would be falling in love. She already cared too much for Negan as it was.

“If you want to do this, you’re going to have to put me inside of you,” Negan grunted, tapping his heavy length against her clitoris. It caused her to whine, but she swiftly reached down to grab a hold of his thick body. Raising her hips up, Negan watched while she led him toward her entrance. Negan’s jaw tensed, a moan escaping his throat when she pushed her body down over the tip. Negan noticed her eagerness to move and he shook his head forcing her to keep still for just a moment. Lowering his body closer to hers, he urged her arms around his shoulders and then pressed in as close as possible. The weight of Negan over her felt incredible and the warmth of the skin to skin contact was causing her to tremble. “I’m doing this right this time.”

Crying out, Y/N felt Negan softly rolling his hips forward before gradually pulling back again. The thrusts of his body were slow, drawn out and more rhythmic than what she was used to, but God…it felt so good. Her right hand slid up from his shoulder, to the bottom of his neck and into his hair to grip at it firmly.

“You deserved to be made love to the first time under the stars,” Negan whispered against the side of her neck while he peppered unhurried, wet kisses over her skin. “Not some random romp that started off perfect, but ended awfully.”

“Negan,” she cried out, rocking her hips against his movements and she found herself turned on in a completely different way. Every time had felt good with Negan, but there was something different about this. Negan would constantly kiss her; make sure they had eye contact. There was something so personal about the way they were together right now, that she could feel her heart pounding inside of her chest. There was more of a connection on a personal level…more than that they had ever had before.

“Is this what you thought of when you talked about having sex under the stars?” Negan’s lips pressed in over her earlobe, kissing softly.

“So much better,” she purred against the side of his neck, grasping tightly onto to him while his thrusts progressively began to move harder and faster against her. The plunges of his thick cock felt amazing. Negan absolutely filled her, but every pull back on his hips would draw the head of his cock to graze over her g-spot causing her coo with delight. While she liked the roughness that usually came with Negan, this was absolutely fantastic.

“Good,” Negan proudly muttered against her jaw while he kissed over it, leaving a wet trail over her skin while he did.

This felt like Negan was making love to her. It felt like he was drawing out every movement, every sensation and was connecting with her in the most intimate way possible. His hands would reach up and grasp at her face. It would lead to him stroking over her cheek and his forehead would rest against hers while he stared into her eyes. This felt more like a dream that she was having and less like what she was used to with Negan.

It didn’t take long with the connection between the two of them for Negan to get her to an orgasm and he followed suit not long after. With Negan laying over her, his nose nestling against the side of her neck she had found herself at a loss for words. She was stroking Negan’s wet hair, listening to his heavy breaths filling the air and underneath the stars just made everything all the more special for her.

“How are you not taken?” Y/N blurt out and Negan pulled back enough to meet her glance. It was a question that she had thought about from the moment she had gotten with Negan. She knew that he wasn’t much of a relationships person, but the way he was with her blew her mind. “You are…the most amazing man I have ever met. You are sexy, you are romantic, and you’re funny…”

“Shh…” Negan silenced her, reaching out to cover her lips with his fingers and he shook his head. “Let’s cherish the moment.”

Negan cuddled in against her again and she found herself grasping to him tightly in her arms. If there was one thing she knew, she never wanted to let Negan go.

It was weird how easily Y/N had found herself getting comfortable in Negan’s arms after everything had died down. The idea of sleeping naked in a sleeping bag in the middle of nowhere with him felt weird, but perfect all at the same time. She didn’t think she would fall asleep, but it was so easy to get comfortable falling asleep against the center of his chest. 

Morning arrived way too fast and when she heard Negan’s breathing change, she knew he had woken up too, “Good morning handsome.”

“Good morning beautiful,” Negan yawned when her head lifted from his chest to look up at him. “You sleep well?”

“Absolutely,” she nodded, resting her hand against the center of his chest to brace herself while she looked up at him. Her fingers teased through the dark hair covering his chest and she found herself absolutely in awe of him. “Be honest, you bring all the girls out here to do this, don’t you?”

“I have never once done this with anyone else,” Negan chuckled, his tired eyes barely opened. Negan reached out to brush a strand of hair out of her face and a sigh from him filtered into the air. “I’m not really…a guy that has sex like that. It’s rare.”

“Well thank you,” she hummed, tipping her head down to press a small kiss over his chest. “It’s something I’ll never forget.”

“I aim to please,” Negan winked and his head lowered back onto the pillow. He seemed to be getting comfortable again and she found herself staring.

“How would we still keep this up past the summer? I don’t…I don’t want to lose you,” she informed him. She was being honest and when he had said what he did last night, she realized it may actually be an option.

“What about all the college boys that you could potentially meet? Or college professors that…” Negan’s words were cut off when she moved in to kiss him roughly. Negan grunted against her lips and kissed her back, his hand reaching up to firmly squeeze at her jaw.

“You, I just want you,” she retorted and Negan smirked. “I have to keep seeing you.”

“Keep fucking me,” Negan corrected her and she swallowed down. She thought what they had at this point was way more than that. What Negan had done with her last night was not ‘fucking’ her and he had to have known that.

“I just don’t want to say goodbye,” she insisted and Negan laughed. His dimples sucked in and he really didn’t have a response.

She didn’t push the subject much, but she really meant it. She wasn’t ready to be done with him. When it was time to get up and leave, she found herself depressed. By far, this was one of the best nights of her entire life and she didn’t want it to end. When they cleaned up and got dressed, it all felt more so like dream and a less like reality.

“Don’t forget this,” Negan reached for the rose and grabbed it before quickly moving before her. Negan smelled the rose before handing it to her. She felt her heart flutter. She had forgotten about the rose in all of the commotion and found herself in awe of him.

When they had gotten back to her house they had found that her parents weren’t even there. Negan seemed to be amused, but she was more so annoyed. Either they slept at the office or they were there, but left super early again. She liked having alone time with Negan, but it was getting ridiculous how often her parents were actually gone.

Y/N had put the rose upstairs in a small vase while Negan had urged her to go get cleaned up while he got some breakfast started for them. It was weird how comfortable Negan had already gotten in her parent’s home, but she liked it. By the time she had returned back downstairs, she had smelled the food that Negan was cooking and felt her stomach rumble.

“I guess I was hungrier than I...” she went to speak up and saw her father sitting at the opposite end of the bar in the kitchen while Negan was cooking, “thought.”

“So Negan’s cooking woke you up, huh?” her father smirked and Negan’s eyes narrowed out at her when she moved to take a seat at the island. “I came home to get a change of clothes and Negan was here cooking…”

“Well I got back this morning and figured it was the nice thing to do. I never realized you and the wife weren’t home,” Negan lied and went to the bacon that he was cooking.

“Speaking of…how did things go last night?” her father inquired and she found herself intrigued with the question. He was clearly talking about the ‘cover story’ that Negan had while he was actually out under the stars with her. “I imagine it didn’t go very well since you are back here.”

“Oh, you know,” Negan shifted at the stove uncomfortably. “As well as it could go.”

“That’s vague,” her father blurt out and she actually agreed with him.

“I don’t like talking about it, you know that,” Negan reminded her father before looking to her. The sound of her father’s phone ringing was heard and she watched him walk off to the other room. Getting up, she moved in behind Negan and heard him let out a tense breath. “What are you doing?”

“You actually were quite vague,” she stated, her hand wrapping around the front of Negan’s body to palm softly at the center of his pants. Negan jumped and he looked toward the opening of the kitchen. “It’s okay; you can hear him pacing in the other room.”

“Now is not the time,” Negan grunted when her hand pushed up underneath his shirt and then dipped underneath his pants to grasp at his manhood firmly. “Y/N…please…”

“This kind of shit excites you,” she tipped up on her toes to bite at Negan’s earlobe and he dropped the utensil that was in his hand. Negan tipped his head back while she caressed over his body. Negan was stiffening against her caress and she was proud. “You like the fear of it all.”

Negan’s head tipped back and her lips were over the side of his neck in no time. Kissing at the sensitive areas she knew Negan had liked, she heard a moan escape his lips and looked to the opening of the kitchen.

“I’d rather be putting you in my mouth right now. The food smells amazing, but I’d rather be swallowing…” she began only to hear her father’s footsteps closer and she quickly pulled her hand from his pants. Moving back to where she was originally, she heard Negan cuss to himself over and over again before going back to cooking.

She damned her father for staying through breakfast, but in no time he was gone again having to get back to the office. When her father was finally gone, she found herself standing at the entrance to the living room. When Negan watched her father leave fully, she could see the smile that Negan had over his lips turn to an angered expression.

“Are you out of your damn mind?” Negan snapped clearly bringing up what she had done to him. “I had a fucking hard on throughout breakfast. Do you know how hard that shit is to hide?”

“For someone like you? Pretty damn hard,” she licked at her lips in a seductive, dramatic manner. Her eyes lowered to his groin and Negan stormed forward, grabbing a tight hold of her. He threw her over his shoulder and reached up to smack firmly at her bottom. “Negan!”

“You’ve been a very bad girl, you are going to get punished for that,” Negan stated with a growl, another smack filling the air as he moved toward the ottoman that was in the living room. Negan threw her on top of it and urged her onto her knees. “Do you think it was smart to do that in front of your father?”

“No sir,” she countered, but she was amused and he could hear it in her tone. “I deserve to be punished for what I did.”

“Yes…yes you do,” Negan forced her to lower her head, but arch her ass up in the air and the movement excited her. “I may let you get away with things, but you need to learn there is a time and a place for things…”

“Oh?” her breath hitched when Negan reached for her pants and tugged them slowly down her bottom. Negan took his time lowering the material until he managed to get them off her body completely. 

“Don’t move. No matter what happens…don’t move,” Negan demanded and the sound of his tone caused her to shudder. The sensation of his rough palms sliding in over her full bottom was felt and he squeezed firmly at her cheeks. Purring out, she closed her eyes and focused on the chills that it was causing her. “You like to be dominated, don’t you?”

“Yes daddy,” she answered, shivering when the warmth of Negan pressing in behind her was felt. Negan pressed his groin up against her bottom. It was obvious that he was still hard beneath the material of his pants and more than anything she wanted him to take her again right there.

“I know this whole sex thing is new for you, but we do this kind of stuff under my terms. Trying to touch me like that when your father could have walked in at any time…that was fucking bold,” Negan snarled and she could hear his tone deepening. Another smack filled the air when Negan spanked over her cheek again. A wince filled the air, but she tried not to react much to it because of his orders. “What would have happened if your father were to find out?”

“Nothing good,” she bit back a moan when she felt Negan rubbing up his hips forward against her bottom. Gasping, she felt Negan pulling the material of her panties down over her bottom and to her thighs making her whimper out.

“What would likely happen is I would get kicked out of this house and your parents would forbid you from ever seeing me again. Is that something you want?” Negan huffed from behind her and she quickly shook her head. “I told you not to move.”

“I’m sorry daddy,” she swallowed down hard and she heard the sound of Negan’s belt being pulled apart. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Negan stepping back to fold his belt in half once he pulled it out of the loops. A nervous pant escaped her lips when Negan roughly squeezed at her bottom with his free hand. There was a small smack over her bottom and Negan let out an amused sound.

“You let me know if you want this to stop, okay?” Negan muttered and she nodded. When she realized what she had done in moving, a sharp sound escaped her throat when the smack of his belt was felt over her cheeks. It wasn’t hard, but it was enough to make a point. “Do you know what would happen to me if your father found out I was fucking his precious, innocent little virgin daughter right under his roof while they were letting me stay here?”

She said nothing and it was followed by another whack of the belt at her bottom. This time it made her wince and her body clenched up. There was a stinging at her flesh, but for some reason it was causing a dampness to develop at her core. This was an uneasy feeling. Whether she liked it or not remained in question while he caressed over the obvious red mark he had left over her skin.

“You’d never see me again…and you don’t want that, right?” Negan blurt out, bringing the belt over her bottom again, but this time it caused a small moan to fall from her throat. “Is this turning you on?”

“Yes daddy,” she bit at her lip, her ass arching out more involuntarily. “Please…do it again.”

“Well fuck, the fun is kind of gone knowing you want me to do,” Negan rumbled with a tight laugh. “Is your tight little pussy wet?”

“Find out yourself,” offered and an amused breath from Negan filled the air. A stronger smack of the belt was felt over the fleshy part of her bottom and she cried out with the hit. “Fuck.”

“Oh man…you’re real daddy would be so disappointed in what you’ve become,” Negan taunted moving forward to slap softly at her pussy making her thighs shake when he did it. The vibration of it sent jolts throughout her body and more than anything she wanted him to fuck her raw in the middle of the room. Negan’s fingers teased over her slit before inserting a long, slender finger into her opening. When Negan felt how wet she was already she could tell that he was enthralled by the sound he released. “You are a naughty little girl, but fuck…I’m super proud of you.”

Negan forced her thighs further apart causing her to whimper. The warmth of Negan’s mouth pressed at her lower back and chills developed through her entire body. Goosebumps covered her skin and when Negan’s lips traveled her body to the back of her thighs, she found herself eager to have him taste her again.

“You are so fucking wet,” Negan pushed apart her ass and squeezed at the flesh. “You want me to eat out your pussy? Would you like that?”

“Yes please…” she begged. The warmth of Negan’s breath against her core caused her to shudder and he knew it. His laughter was heard and then the warmth of his lips kissing very carefully over her most intimate parts was felt. The rough stubble from his short beard was pressed against her skin causing her to shake harder. Negan hummed against her flesh, pushing his tongue forward toward her core causing her to cry out. Desperation filled her body while Negan’s tongue flicked slowly and teasingly at her body. “Negan…please.”

“No,” he slurped behind her and pulled away causing her to whine. Negan stood from behind her and she saw him wiping at his lips with the back of his hand. Negan stepped before her and grabbed a tight hold of her hair to tug her up enough onto her hands. “You’ve been a bad girl…you’re not the one that deserves a prize.”

Her thighs were shaking and trembling. A fire was raging through her entire body after the teasing that Negan had done to her. It was clear he knew what he was doing to her and right when he had started to get her excited for more, he took it away from her. His long fingers pulled apart his pants and reached inside to pull his hard cock out in front of her.

“Open your mouth,” Negan demanded and she eagerly did as he wanted. There was nothing slow or careful about what was happening right now. Negan instantly began thrusting his length into her mouth and toward the back of her throat causing her to choke slightly. “Focus.”

The thread of Negan’s fingers in her hair helped him urge her over his thick length while she did her best to open her throat for him. Negan’s dark glance was hooked on her while he fucked her throat. He was testing her limits and she was doing the best she could to give him what he wanted.

“Fuck,” Negan threw his head back and the way his throat tensed up caused her to moan at the sight of him. Her moan vibrated around his cock and his jaw lowered. “Fuck…fuck…fuck…”

Negan forcefully pulled her from his length and allowed her to breathe in sharply. His other hand wrapped around his saliva covered length pumping over it slowly, “You’re daddy’s good little cock sucker, aren’t you?”

Nodding, she licked over her lips and saw the proud smile expand over Negan’s handsome features, “Tell me that you belong to me.”

“I belong to you,” she repeated and Negan lowered down, his mouth level with hers. Negan pressed in closer to her and dragged his tongue over her lips causing her to cry out. She tried to kiss him, but he wouldn’t allow it.

“Who do you belong to?” Negan urged her to answer again, his hazel eyes searching hers while she stared out at him with big eyes. Her lips were parted and he could see the absolute desire that she had for him filling her eyes. “Who?”

“Negan,” she answered. The answer granted her with the reward of Negan’s mouth over hers. Negan’s mouth was forceful against hers. It was a rough, demanding kiss that left Negan biting and tugging softly at her bottom lip. When she whined into his mouth, Negan dragged his tongue over the inside of her bottom lip and she whined. “I belong to Negan.”

“Very good girl,” Negan stood back up and urged her to his cock again. This time he hooked both his hands into her hair and tugged firmly at it. Her eyes looked up at him, making sure to keep them hooked on Negan’s while he controlled the movements her mouth had over his cock. “Daddy is going to cum…are you ready?”

Negan pulled his cock from between her lips. Nudging her mouth open, he watched her hold out her tongue while he pumped his hand over his cock, “Alright baby, its coming.”

The flexing of Negan’s abdomen told her he was about to cum and she leaned in to lick at the tip of his cock. Negan’s deep moan filled the air and she felt the first strand of his cum spray out onto her tongue. Wrapping her lips around the tip, she sucked softly at the sensitive flesh. His cock was twitching and pulsating in her mouth as she continued to swallow down his release. Negan’s moans were causing her thighs to twitch and shake with excitement. The sounds of his please caused her great excitement knowing that he was making him because of her and that made her proud. Nothing was sexier than the sounds that Negan made when he was coming.

“Look at you,” Negan sighed, pulling her away from his body. The look in her eyes was desperate, her wet lips parted while he looked down at his saliva covered cock. It twitched and he hummed with approval. “Good girl…”

Negan pat her on the head and she whimpered, watching him reach to pull his pants back together. Negan stepped away and picked up his belt that he had dropped. When she realized him heading to leave the room she called out his name.

“That’s it?” she was stunned and he let out a tight laugh. “What about me?”

“You? Do you still have that vibrator I gave you?” Negan tilted his head to the side, his hazel eyes looking her over. She nodded and Negan spunkily licked over his lips, “then you better go use it because I need a shower.”

An offended look spread over her features as she pulled up her panties and took a seat on the ottoman. Negan moved across the living room and reached out to slide his finger underneath her jaw to urge her to look up at him, “Bad girls don’t get to cum.”

* * *

“What are you doing now Negan?” Y/N clutched tightly to his hands while he had a blindfold around her eyes. It had been a few days since they shared that moment in her living room and since then their interactions had been more innocent than that day. Negan would take her out for little things. A simple lunch or go for a walk. They mainly hung out and she actually enjoyed it quite much. It didn’t take a lot for her to be happy to spend time with him. She just loved it in general.

Today was one of the days her parents had planned on disappearing for work for a while and Negan decided that it was a good day to take her out. The problem was that when he came to get her, he urged her to put on a blindfold. Refused to take her where he wanted unless she was wearing one. So she had driven with him in the car with it on and when he urged her out of the car she still had it on. She could only imagine how people must have looked at her seeing the way she had a blindfold on while they drove to wherever they were. It wasn’t a short drive; it was a decently sized drive so whatever Negan had planned it better have been good.

“Don’t touch the blindfold yet,” Negan warned and she found herself worried that she may trip over her own two feet. Negan had led her into a building and as soon as they entered it she had felt a cold chill press in over her body. She could only imagine where they were. “We’re almost there.”

Negan’s hands were holding so tightly onto hers that she found herself in awe. He was doing everything he could to keep her from falling and she was kind of excited to see what he had come up with. Negan was proud of himself by the tone of his voice and she could only imagine what he was doing.

“First…” Negan stopped their movements. His hands released hers and he reached up to grab at her face, cupping it firmly in his rough hands. Pulling her close to him, he descended a slow, sensual kiss over her lips. Enticing her as the kiss grew and a pleasured sound escaped her mouth when he pulled away. “Take it off.”

Listening, she reached for the blindfold and pulled it from her eyes. Taking a look around she could feel her heart pounding inside of her chest when she looked over her head, “We’re at the aquarium…”

“Yes we are,” Negan stomped his foot and his body leaned back. A drawn out laugh filled the air and Negan dramatically reached out to grab at her hands.

“We’re in the aquarium and no one is here,” she looked around to see that it was only the two of them. Negan had taken her to the tunnel part of the aquarium where fish were swimming above them as well as beside them. Negan had clearly set up a little picnic in the middle of the tunnel area and she let out a hesitant laugh. “The aquarium should be closed at this time.”

“So, let’s just say I have friends in high places and I remembered someone telling me that the perfect date would be to go to the aquarium. So here we are. I got my friend to agree to this with a little swaying,” Negan explained rubbing his hands together as he spoke. “You told me about the sex under the stars, we checked that off and here we are now…your perfect date.”

“Negan, this is amazing,” she whispered looking around at the aquarium. She had never been to an aquarium when it wasn’t packed so this was already a brand new experience for her. Negan moved in behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. His chin rest over her shoulder and she reached down to hook her fingers with his. “You’re amazing.”

“I know,” Negan’s nose nestled against the side of her neck and she felt her chest aching. There were so many sides to Negan that she was learning. There was sex craved Negan that was extremely naughty, but there was also the romantic Negan that went above and beyond for her. It was confusing because some days she truly believed that maybe they were just around each other for a sexual relationship, but then moments like this Negan clearly showed he cared for her more than he wanted to admit. “I have a nice little picnic meal set up and then I figured the two of us could go for a walk around the place. You can explain to me how you thought this would be romantic. I just see a bunch of creepy ass fish and stuff staring out at me.”

“It’s the idea that makes it romantic,” she pointed out and felt him kissing over her jawline.

“Mmm…I also remember me talking about being balls deep inside of you while fucking you up against one of these glass walls,” Negan hummed causing her to shake against him. “Then again, I can try to be on my best behavior tonight. I don’t want to leave too much of a mess for my friend to clean up.”

“That’s probably the best idea for the both of us,” she agreed and Negan laughed. “So what exactly did you have planned for tonight?”

They tried being on their best behavior and for the most part they were. They had their picnic that Negan had set up. A lot of their picnic was talking about Negan’s job and what she was planning on doing with school. It was coming up so fast that it was obvious things that were both on their minds. She got him to tell her how he managed to get his friend to let them have the aquarium alone. Apparently his friend owed Negan and IOU and this is what that was.

After their picnic they had gone for a walk that led to them talking about their relationship. Y/N had kept hinting to him that maybe there was something more to them, but Negan was never picking up on it. When she asked him why he was trying so hard to make her happy and his response was that she deserved to be happy, she found herself falling into the same trouble she had always found with Negan. With her back pressed up against one of the glass walls of the aquarium, her skirt hiked up over her waist and Negan’s pants at his ankles. Her legs were wrapped firmly around Negan’s waist while they had sex. It turned her on incredibly more than she ever thought it would to be having sex with Negan in a public place like this.

“Is this what you wanted baby?” Negan grunted against the side of her neck, his hips smacking up into her time and time again. There was a desperation in the way she clung to Negan’s shoulders while he had her firmly pressed against the glass. “Me balls deep inside of you here?”

“Yes,” she met his lips in a wet, sloppy kiss. It was crazy how fast things fell into place with Negan. She loved being around him. She loved interacting with him and she just couldn’t get enough of him. Negan tipped back, his forehead pressing against hers. “Negan…”

“Feel good?” Negan confirmed and she nodded. Negan’s eyes were hooked on hers while his body continued to plunge deep inside of her. Negan’s sharp movements caused her to cry out into his mouth and she felt her legs tremoring around Negan. The vibration of his pubic bone smacking up against hers was causing her to cry out into his mouth. It all felt fantastic and she couldn’t get enough of it. His thrusts had managed to help her reach that sweet moment of bliss causing a flooding sensation to filter throughout her body. Her whines pressed against Negan’s skin, while she rest her nose against the side of his neck. The way her heart was pounding it felt like it was about to leap out of her chest. “There a way you want to finish this darlin’? Any special thing you wanted to focus on?”

“Just you,” she stated with a cry when his thrusts got stronger. Grasping tightly onto his hair, she met his lips in a heated kiss. His tongue flicked out against hers and his grunting and groaning got more frequent. The warmth of Negan’s release began to fill her and she cried out into his mouth. His hips jolted and moved in unsteady motions as he came deep inside of her. After his breathing had started to relax, he lowered her to her feet and held onto her for a moment. His chest was rising and falling heavily, his forehead still resting against hers. They were still silent, but holding onto each other. “Negan…”

“Yeah sweetheart?” Negan nudged his nose against hers and helped her urge her skirt back down over her hips. “What’s on your mind?”

“Can we talk about something serious?” she gulped and felt her heart pounding inside of her chest. This was something she had been thinking about for quite some time and she knew that bringing it up was wrong considering Negan asked her to never say this certain emotion she was having. Negan kissed her one final time before reaching down to pull his pants and his boxer briefs back up over his body.

“Go for it,” Negan agreed before reaching out to grab a tight hold of her hands in his. It was a supportive grasp, but she didn’t know how long it was going to last after she said what she did.

“Listen, I know we started this saying it was going to be one time thing,” she looked away from him. Looking at him made this all too hard. When she went to speak again, Negan urged her to look up at him again. “I know you asked me not to. I know that it’s against everything you are, but I feel things for you. Big…things.”

“Oh,” Negan let out a long breath of air, but continued to hold onto her hands in a supportive grasp. “Okay.”

“I don’t know, with us there were just things that I was expecting. Things that I didn’t think that would happen and they are happening,” she stammered, trying to find the right things to say without saying what he asked her never to. “You are amazing. You are so sweet and so caring…”

“I know where this is going,” Negan hushed her, releasing one of her hands to slide up and brush at her cheek with his rough thumb. “I’m the first person you’ve ever been with. I’ve given you more attention than anyone else really has. What you’re feeling is completely normal. Hell, I acknowledge that the fact I am your first makes me feel a certain way about you too that I know I shouldn’t.”

So what did that mean? She was left silent while Negan tried to clearly search for the right words. Was he also saying that he cared about her the way she did for him?

“The two of us are always going to share a special bond over the fact that I took your virginity,” Negan insisted, his eyes narrowing out at her. “Trust me; it’s not normal for me to go all out for people. You might think I’m special, but what I’m doing for you…it’s not me.”

“It’s who you are with me though,” she reminded him and she moved in to kiss him in a desperate way. “You are the most amazing man and I…”

“Shhh…” Negan covered her mouth with his index finger. “I get it. I’ve thought the same thing myself, but in order to feel that way about a person you have to know all of them.”

“I think I know who you are Negan,” she retorted with a light snort. “I’ve been around you enough to know the man you are. To know you’re the kind of man that I never…”

“You know what I show you,” Negan shook his head firmly. “That’s all you know. Be with me through the bad times and if you still feel the way you do, then I know you mean it.”

“I think we had some bad times,” she recalled thinking about how he was a dick for that short period of time. “And I still know how I feel.”

“That was nothing in comparison to the shit about me you don’t know,” Negan rubbed at the side of his face, stepping back and away from her. “More than anything I want to make you happy. I want you to have the perfect life possible.”

“I can’t recall ever being this happy Negan,” she informed him and Negan looked to her with a bit of a worried expression. His eyes told her that he was unhappy with something in their conversation. His thick eyebrows showed the tension in his face and she was just attempting to explain how she felt. “You have made feel special. Something no one else ever has.”

“You are special,” Negan stepped forward, urging his hand in over the side of her neck. “And God you are so fucking beautiful.”

Tipping up on her toes, she pressed a quick kiss over Negan’s lips and he sighed, “Can we just take time to think about this? We both know we care about each other, but can we just hold off on these feelings for a little bit?”

She agreed and let it slide. She followed Negan back to the area that he had set the picnic up at to grab the flowers he had brought for her on their ‘date’. She didn’t understand why Negan was so eager to push away the idea that she might love him. Sure it was fast, but when you knew…you knew. And she felt like this was something she absolutely knew.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan and the reader (oc) share a very special night together leading the reader to have high hopes for their future, but it doesn't exactly lead to what she is hoping for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm going to apologize for a few things. One, I tried SOOOO many nights to get this done, but for some reason, by the time I get to it I'm so blasted exhausted that I just can't make it through editing. Today I made it through, but I'm sure I missed so many things grammar/spelling wise and I will try to correct things as I go. Secondly, I have a feeling a lot of you might not be happy with me after this chapter, so I'm just going to tell you that I love you and thank you for reading the story! I love all of you very much.
> 
> This is not the last chapter btw

Warmth filled Y/N’s body from the beaming sun over her while she laid out beside Negan on the beach. They were on top of a blanket that they had put down when they had gotten there and she found herself cuddling closer to Negan. They had continued to spend time together on the days that her parents were absent from home on another business trip and she was loving all the time they were spending together.

Negan had done so many sweet dates for her over the last few days and she found herself worried about it. She knew the summer was coming to an end and she assumed that Negan was doing this because he knew that they wouldn’t be together soon. He would have to prepare to start going back to work and she would have to go off to college. This was going to be coming to an end and that terrified her.

Still, in her mind she would constantly think about what Negan said to her in the aquarium. He told her that he felt certain emotions for her too and she knew that he wanted her to avoid telling him that she loved him, but it was always there in the back of her mind. She wanted to say it to him so badly. It was how she felt. She loved him and that wasn’t going to change. It had almost slipped several times over the last few days, but she had to catch herself. What she felt for Negan was so real and she wanted to let him know how special he was to her.

Cuddling her head against the inside of Negan’s arm, she took in the warmth of him and cherished it. It was nice getting to live with someone like this. Never before had she spent so much time with someone and felt this special. Never had she even had this much fun. Getting to be with Negan was the thing that she believed to be the best to happen to her. It was something she would never forget and she never wanted to let it go.

“You just can’t stay away from me, can you?” Negan spoke up and she lifted her head to look at him. Both his arms were behind his head while he relaxed. He looked cocky, but that’s part of what she loved about him. The confidence that Negan had appealed to her so much, Negan knew what he wanted and he wasn’t afraid to take it. There were sunglasses covering his eyes, but it was evident he was staring out at her. Biting into her bottom lip, she watched the slow drag of his tongue over his lips before an amused sound fell from his throat. Reaching out, she placed her hand over his naked chest making Negan sigh when she pulled herself closer to him. “We come up with the idea to just relax on the beach. We lay down to fucking rest, but you can’t stop yourself from touching me.”

“I’m in my right mind Negan, why wouldn’t I want to be close to you?” she smirked watching his dimples suck in, clearly entertained with her answer. “You’re fucking gorgeous.”

“Mmmm, I could say the same thing about you,” Negan reached out to brush her hair away from her face before lowering his glance to look between them. “How’s the tattoo?”

Negan urged her to turn her hips just enough so he could get a look at the stars she had gotten that were located on her inner hip. At first she had thought about getting a tattoo because Negan had so many and clearly liked them, but really she had wanted something to remind her of the summer they had together. Not one to pull her from what she wanted, Negan was eager to have her get it. He had suggested a simplistic design for her so she could easily hide it and it wouldn’t hurt too much. So that’s what she went with. A simplistic set of stars over the inside of her hip which was a sensitive area to get it, but she didn’t care. She actually liked them.

“I told you it would be good to start off with something small,” Negan hummed, taking a look over the healing tattoo. “I have to warn you though; now that you’ve started it is going to be hard to stop. You will want more and more as time goes on. It’s addictive getting them.”

“We’ll see,” Y/N reached for Negan’s hand and pulled it up to take a look over it. “Is that why you got this ridiculous crescent moon on your hand? Because you are addicted and you can’t help yourself?”

Pulling his hand from hers, Negan took a look at the tattoo he had gotten at the same time and let out a goofy laugh. The tattoo was placed over the back of his hand between his thumb and pointer finger. Negan reached out to slide his hand in over her hip to show that it was the moon and stars making her huff dramatically. “That’s a weird tattoo Negan…”

“Not when we put it together. Now, every time I look at my hand I am always going to think of our summer together,” Negan winked making her swoon when he put it like that. Crawling in over his chest caused Negan to slide his hand further up her side. The sensation of his arm hooking around her shoulders to pull her close made her giggle when she fell in against him. Negan’s free hand glided up so he could trace up over the side of her neck and toward her jawline. A shudder filled her body as he kissed her softly, teasing her with the promise of more, but not quite giving it to her yet. Butterflies filled her stomach and she lowered in close to him. “I like the tattoo. No one is going to question me on it, but when we put ours together, it makes perfect sense. It’s ours. It’s something special that no one knows about.”

“Well, when you put it like that…how could I not like it?” she sighed deeply and tipped down to press a sweet, soft kiss over the center of Negan’s chest. “There is no person I would rather share something so personal with.”

“Mmmm, good,” Negan hummed when she met his lips in another kiss. The longer they kissed, the deeper he could feel it getting and Negan grumbled forcing himself to pull away. “This is a public beach sweetheart. Fuck, you’re naughty.”

“I’m sure we can find a place that’s not so public,” she suggested, her brow rising and Negan laughed at her eagerness.

“You are wild,” Negan nudged her jaw playfully before carefully moving her from over him. Pulling himself up into a sitting position, he reached for his phone and motioned her to follow suit in sitting up with him. Listening, she moved in beside him and a wide, cocky smile expanded over his handsome features. Lifting his cell phone up, she took the hint that Negan wanted to take a photo and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders making him laugh out with her quickness. Snapping the first photo, he felt her moving in to kiss him on the cheek and he took that one as well before turning to meet her in a kiss. Letting the kiss linger, he took a few snaps of that as well before pulling away breathless.

“You will have to send me all of what you have,” her fingers sank into his dark hair and she continued to kiss over his lips. “I think I’d like having a few of those.”

“I will…eventually,” Negan muttered against her lips, biting at the bottom one in a playful fashion before looking up and over his shoulder. “The small town here has some really good shopping and I was thinking of taking you to a place. We need you to get some new clothes.”

“New clothes?” she chuckled against his lips when she leaned in to kiss him again. “We haven’t changed me enough for you yet?”

“You are perfect for me, so don’t say that shit. It’s just before me you didn’t exactly realize how fucking sexy you were,” Negan hummed while continuing to nip at her bottom lip over and over before dragging his tongue over the flesh. Firmly biting at her bottom lip, he tugged on it delicately making her whimper and shudder against him. She fell in closer to him clearly wanting more, but he was just in the mood to be frisky and less sexual. Negan was proud of what he could turn her into with just a simple kiss. “Now, you know how sexy you are and we are going to have you owning that. I think getting you some new…clothes will help you with that.”

“Whatever you say daddy,” she purred as he reached up to grab a firm hold of her jaw.

“You would never tell me no, would you?” Negan pondered, seeing the desperation in her eyes while she stared out at him. An arrogant, proud smile grew over his face. “You’re mine and you would do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes daddy,” she agreed with what he was saying. Attempting to kiss him again, she felt him holding back and it made her whine. He made a tsking sound before sluggishly getting up. A disappointed sound fell from her lips when he gathered his things and reached for his shirt to pull it on. It was tough that he would build her up to certain things and then leave her hanging. Lately, that was something that Negan was good at, but it seemed like he really dug dragging things out with her. The art of teasing was something Negan seemed to be very good at. “You’re a tease.”

“Yup,” Negan snorted, motioning her to get up. “Now let’s get a move on. We have a lot to do today.”

“I thought we were just going to relax on the beach all day,” she got up with the help of Negan and he reached out to slide his hands in over her hips while she grabbed her things. “We could find a place and…get comfortable?”

“You mean find a place where the two of us could fuck?” Negan corrected her, his grip tightening on her hips and she pulled herself up to look over her shoulder at him. There was a certain glare that she had given him which made him snicker. “Well that’s what you’re fucking saying. Just be blunt about it. You want to fuck and you want to find a spot where we are in public, but are still kind of hidden.”

“I have to get used to the whole blunt thing,” she chuckled when Negan tipped down to press a wet kiss over her shoulder. “But I still feel like that may be a nice idea.”

“Fuck, I mean we could do that, but then that would ruin everything else I have planned, wouldn’t it?” Negan threw out in a rebuttal, his dimples sucking in when he spoke. “And I have something special planned for tonight.”

“Well how could I tell you no?” she pulled her clothes on over her bathing suit before standing in front of Negan. Tipping up on her toes, she placed her hand over the center of his chest to brace herself and met him in a quick kiss.

“Come on beautiful,” Negan advised her to follow him to his car to put things away before having her walk with him to the nearest shopping area in the small town they were near.

The grasp of Negan’s fingers around hers while he held her hand drove her wild. It was strange how something as simple as that could draw her to have chills, but it did. Negan took her into a store that primarily focused on lingerie and he could see her cheeks flushing over with red when they stepped in. Amusement flooded Negan’s face with her response to it all. “We just want to get you some sexy clothes baby, that’s all…”

Y/N followed Negan around the store, following not far behind while Negan picked up some things that he liked. Thankfully it was a busy day so it didn’t really draw attention to the two of them. Not that she had a problem with being with Negan, but a lot of the time when you went to a store it was frequent for the employees to get in your business. That was something she wasn’t eager for. Occasionally Negan would glance at her almost as if he was imagining how what he had in his hands would look on her. It made her feel dirty, but God, did she like it. After he grabbed a few things, Negan nodded toward the back of the store.

“We need to try these on you,” Negan led her to follow him and when they got back into the dressing room area, Negan took a look around to make sure there was no one there. Persuading her into a dressing room, he quickly followed in behind her and let out a grunt when they closed the door. “Now try these on sweetheart.”

“Negan,” she smirked when he laid everything out for her on the bench that they had inside the dressing room. Negan cornered himself at the opposite end of the dressing room to try and hide his feet so people wouldn’t notice he was in the dressing room with her. Negan pulled his sunglasses from his face and gave her a stern expression. The look told her that he didn’t want her to fight with him. Shyness was no longer a thing with her. If Negan asked her to take her clothes off, then that was what she was going to do. Learning everything he wanted was still brand new for her, but she was working on it. Negan hooked his sunglasses to the neck of his shirt while staring out at her expectantly. “Yes sir.”

“Good girl,” Negan slurred, his hazel eyes narrowing and a proud grin developing over his face.

Y/N began to strip her clothes from her body and Negan tilted his head to watch her. His big eyes were eating her alive with his stare and when he smirked she could feel her heart begin to flutter inside of her chest at the sight of him. There was definitely teasing in the way she would try on the pairs that he asked of her. Negan would give her a simple nod if he liked it or would shake his head once if he didn’t. With the way she was putting on the lingerie, she was hoping that it would make Negan react more than it was. There was the need to make Negan suffer like he did her. Negan would do things to get her hot and bothered often, but now that she was trying the same, Negan’s expression was very firm.

“I’ve got an idea for what I like on you, so we’ll take what we’ve got and I’ll get you a few more like those,” Negan motioned her to spin slowly while she stood before him in the last pair of lingerie that she was in. The scrutinizing look Negan was giving what she was wearing made her almost uncomfortable, but she continued to do what he wanted. “I’m not sure if I like these or not.”

“Maybe you would like to get a closer look?” she suggested moving toward the corner of the dressing room where he was standing. Turning away from him, she bent over and raised her bottom up causing a sharp breath to fall from Negan’s throat. Looking over her shoulder, she watched Negan lift his head to look at the door before his hands reached out to grab a hold of her hips. “What do you think?”

“You can’t take anything fucking seriously for a while, can you?” Negan grumbled as he pulled her hips back closer to him. Instinctively she began rubbing her bottom up against his groin and he tossed his head back. His eyes closed tightly, a groan escaping his lips while she took her time teasing him. “Fuck me…”

“Only if you’re quiet,” she pulled herself up enough and Negan’s eyes were heavy with lust. His mouth was agape, his chest rising and falling gradually while he stared out at her. Negan licked his lips when she stepped forward to boldly begin to untie his bathing suit. “If you insist though…”

“You’re fucking trouble, you know that?” Negan protested when her hands pushed into his bathing suit, releasing his somewhat rigid cock to the cool air surrounding them. Negan watched her palm hook around his body, immediately starting to caress over it and his jaw flexed while she did it. “You’re a naughty girl.”

“I just love daddy’s cock so much,” she purred in a whisper and Negan watched her get to her knees. The tip of her tongue teased out over the head of his cock and he swallowed down, trying to hold back a moan when she did it. “I can’t get enough of it.”

“And he can’t get enough of you, but…” Negan went to fight what she was doing until she wrapped her lips around his thick erection making his words come to a halt. Reaching out, he hooked his fingers into her hair and helped to urge her motions over his body while she gave him a blowjob. “Fuck you are dirty…”

The sound of someone moving around outside of the dressing room made her nervous, but Negan grabbed a tight hold of her hair forcing her further down his cock. Grasping tightly to his toned hips, she attempted not to make a choking sound while the veins in Negan’s neck became more visible.

“Fuck,” Negan hissed when he felt one of her hands sliding down to cup at his testicles and he released her hair. Her mouth pulled from his cock and a line saliva connected the tip of his cock with her lips. Negan hummed in approval when she began to caress over his body while her tongue teased at the base of his cock. “Get up.”

“Yes sir,” she was quiet when Negan urged her to face the glass mirror that was in front of her.

Her hands braced against the mirror while Negan pushed the panties aside that she had put on. A gasp escaped her lips when Negan swiftly pushed his thick length into her. Negan’s hand reached up to cover her mouth knowing that she wouldn’t be able to handle not making a noise. The thrusts were careful enough to not make a lot of noise, but still prominent enough to make her eyes slam shut. Moaning against his hand, she heard it muffled by his grasp and she did her best trying to keep her reactions under control. Negan continued to fuck her and she did her best not to make any noises, but she was having a hard time on her shaky legs even keeping herself braced up.

“God, you feel so good,” Negan breathed against her ear causing her to shudder while he smacked up against her from behind. Negan’s hand pulled from her mouth to wrap around her throat while his other hand firmly brought her hips back against him. “I might have changed my mind on this set. You should probably get them.”

“Yeah?” she panted, looking in the mirror to see Negan smirk. A shudder filled her body when Negan licked his lips and looked down between them while he continued to piston inside of her from behind. Watching Negan’s face in the mirror turned her on all the more and she tried rocking her hips back into his movements. Negan’s jaw clenched and he tossed his head back alerting her that he was close while he pounded into her. Crying out, she felt him adjusting his position more to something he knew she would like and it made her sensitive all over. Chills spread throughout her entire body and it was hard to focus on anything other than the feelings that he was drawing out from within her. It didn’t take long for them to finish because they were both likely worried of being caught, but the thrill of it all was actually quite amazing. While she was getting dressed again, Negan’s phone began to ring and she heard him cuss. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just need to get this,” Negan stated, kissing her quickly and then moving to the door. Opening it slowly, he surveyed the area and made sure that no one was there before leaving her to get dressed. Y/N took her time while getting ready and then gathered what Negan liked. Stepping out of the dressing room, she still found her legs weak after what she had just done with Negan. It was hard for her body not to react to Negan the way it did. Negan made her feel good, but still at the same time it was very draining with how hard they went at things. Looking for Negan, she could see him at the front of the store still on the phone while he was grabbing a few things. Stepping in closer she heard him seemingly bickering with someone. “Of course I want to fix things. You know that.”

Standing back, she waited for Negan to finish because she didn’t want to interrupt, but the longer she stood there the angrier Negan seemed to get.

“No I get that and I know it has been a while,” Negan turned on his heel, his eyes getting wide when he saw her behind him. Negan held up his finger to motion her to wait and she nodded. “Hey, give me a second…”

Negan lowered the phone and handed her over what he grabbed, “Find a few more colors that you like. I have to finish this call with work and then we can get a move on to everything we have planned. Okay?”

“Sure,” she approved, accepting the things that Negan handed her over. Balancing the items in her arms, she waited while she watched Negan walk outside. He talked on the phone to the person and he seemed to pace. Eventually he had walked far enough away to leave her view of sight. What she thought would just be a few minutes were much longer. Tension filled her body while she walked around the store. Trying not to draw attention to herself, she waited for Negan to return so it didn’t look like she was planning on stealing anything. After a while she debated leaving what Negan had made her grab at the store to go look for Negan instead. It felt weird being left in the store to just…wait. By the time Negan finally back to the store, there was a different expression over his face. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Negan simply answered, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. Negan eagerly brushed off her comment, not trying to focus on letting her into what was happening on the phone. “Let’s get these for you.”

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Y/N noticed that Negan wasn’t as enthusiastic about this as he was before his phone call. Negan nodded his head and took her up to the cash register to check out. Negan almost seemed like he quickly wanted to get things done and over with. There was no time wasted in Negan paying for the lingerie and when he was done, he reached for her hand and urged her out of the store while he held onto the bag. Instead of walking around like they had originally planned, Negan took her immediately to the car. All of this felt extremely rushed and she didn’t know how to react to it all. “Everything okay?”

“Of course,” Negan insisted when he went to the trunk to put things into his car. “What could be wrong?”

“You just seem a bit different after the call,” she truthfully responded and Negan shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t know if something wrong happened.”

“No, of course not. I’m fine,” Negan maintained, closing the trunk and moving over for her hands to grasp them in his securely. Negan brought them up to his lips and pressed a loving kiss over them. “Nothing could be wrong when I’m with you.”

“Oh…super smooth,” she surveyed him leaning in closer to her and she met him in a kiss. Their lips lingered for a moment and he smiled against the kiss making her giggle. “What?”

“You’re just fucking cute,” Negan winked when he pulled away and moved for the passenger’s side door to open it for her. Allowing her to get inside, Negan made sure she was comfortable before closing the door behind her. Negan unhurriedly walked around the car and she still had a hard time believing that things were okay. When Negan got back in the car, he snapped his fingers and looked to her. Cussing out, he reached behind her and shrugged. “I did forget something. Shit.”

“What?” her eyebrow perked in interest.

“I got this beautiful girl that is really important to me these flowers…” Negan pulled a bouquet of roses out from the backseat. His bright smile expanded over his features and he made a dramatic expression. “She ran off on me, so maybe you would like to have them…”

“Oh, you asshole,” she laughed, reaching out to hit Negan in the chest and he snorted. Negan quickly leaned in to meet her lips in a lingering kiss before handing her over the flowers. Y/N pulled away with a pleased sound knowing that she loved kissing Negan. So much. “Well she’s a lucky girl.”

“I’d like to think so,” Negan responded with another wink when she brought the flowers closer to her so she could smell them. “I got the ones that I thought were the prettiest. They just pale in comparison to your beauty so I didn’t know if you would like them or not…”

“They are perfect,” she swooned and Negan’s cocky smile expanded when he started the car up. She carefully set the flowers in her lap and reached out to grab a firm hold of Negan’s shirt. Tugging him closer to her, she kissed him over and over again making him growl against her lips when she did it. “You are amazing.”

“I know,” Negan teased with a laugh and she rolled her eyes. “There is more where that came from.”

* * *

“I never knew you were quite the cook,” Y/N watched Negan cooking at the stove and he looked over his shoulder at her. Once they got back to her parent’s home, Negan insisted on cooking a special dinner for them instead of going out like they had been doing lately. Negan wanted it to be special and he kept making that clear.

“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me,” Negan reminded her while he brought a spoonful of what he was cooking to his lips to take a taste. Negan dramatically made an excited movement when he clearly enjoyed what he was making and she laughed. “Consider yourself lucky, I’m good.”

“You’re good at a lot of things,” she pointed out and Negan clearly enjoyed her response by the enthusiastic laugh he gave her. “This is nice.”

“Yeah?” Negan covered one of the pots he was working with and lowered the heat. Negan threw a hand towel over his shoulder and turned on his heel. The cocky smile became suddenly serious when he stared out at her. “There are some things that you and I…obviously have to talk about.”

“Yeah?” her eyebrow rose. “What’s up?”

“I think you and I both know that our time together is going to be ending soon,” Negan stated with a heavy sigh. The announcement of that made her heart drop and the feeling that it caused in the pit of her stomach made her want to throw up. Hearing that broke her; she didn’t want her time to end with Negan. Not after this summer. The time she spent with Negan was amazing and she didn’t want it to stop. There was the never ending time that she had been with him the last few weeks and all the nights they had spent lying in bed together. It was going to be something that she truly missed and missed a lot. “I think we…need to talk about things. Where we are going to go with things…”

“I told you, I still want to see you,” she retorted and Negan nodded, rubbing his hands together while he leaned back against the corner of the counters. His arms folded out in front of his chest, but she found his silence somewhat unnerving. “You still want to see me too, right?”

“Of fucking course I do,” Negan agreed, without even taking a second to think about it. “You’re very special to me Y/N. You should know that.”

“And you are very special to me,” she stood from where she was sitting and more than anything she wanted to tell him that she loved him, but she knew that she couldn’t. “I really like spending the time with you that I have.”

“Well unfortunately that’s not how our time would be once you start going to school and I have to work,” Negan explained with a frown. “If we continue to see each other, it’s going to be late nights and not as often.”

“I know, but I’m…willing,” she offered and Negan smiled brightly. “I don’t want to stop seeing you.”

“Are you sure you are okay with that? What we’ve had this summer has been really special. We’re together pretty much non-stop and this will be a big difference from what we are used to Y/N,” Negan reminded her and she shrugged. “I just want you to know it isn’t going to be like it is now.”

“It’s better than not seeing you at all,” she blurt out and Negan’s right eyebrow arched after she said it. “I can’t imagine not seeing you every week. Not after all this happened.”

“Well, now that we’ve got that out there,” Negan heard the timer on the food and he got their plates together after pulling everything out. When she moved for the dining room, Negan whistled out to her and shook his head. “Not there silly, I set up something outside.”

“Outside?” she repeated and Negan nodded. Negan walked out toward the back where the deck was illuminated by candle light and he had set up some lights in the backyard. It looked like something out of a movie and she found herself absolutely in awe of Negan. “When did you do this?”

“When you were getting cleaned up,” Negan replied, setting down the plates on the table and he could see her looking everything over. The flowers that Negan had gotten her were in a vase on the table accentuating the scene. The sun had gone down and everything felt so magical. She couldn’t believe someone like Negan was able to pull this off. “You like?”

“I love it,” she swore when Negan took a seat after helping her into hers. “I don’t get it.”

“What?” Negan chuckled. Y/N outstretched her hand and grabbed a tight hold of his. She couldn’t stop looking at him and it was obvious that she was totally and completely enamored with him.

“You. I never thought you would be someone like this, but you are,” she answered feeling her emotions getting the best of her. Trying to swallow them back, she reached out to brush her fingertips into Negan’s thick hair. “You’re perfect. Doing something like this…it’s really romantic and I never saw you as the romantic type when we first started doing this.”

“Well…here is a little secret…I’m not all that romantic. You just deserve nothing, but the best,” Negan asserted and she felt herself swooning more. “You’re beautiful and I want to make the time left we have together special.”

“This is better than I could have ever pictured,” she insisted and Negan seemed proud with her response. Negan started eating his dinner after giving her hand a firm squeeze and she had trouble keeping her thoughts to herself while eating. They talked about his job and what they were expecting from him when he came back. Negan got her talking about school and she found herself amazed with all the talents that Negan did have. He really was a good cook and it blew her away. How was someone this special just sitting before her right now? There were so many things about Negan that impressed her and she couldn’t get enough of the man in front of her. “Negan, you really are an amazing cook.”

“I try,” Negan spoke with a mouthful making her snicker and he shrugged. Negan quickly swallowed down what was in his mouth and he sighed, “If you are going to be eating, you should be eating good things right? I’ve had to cook for myself a bit through the years. I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it,” she corrected and finished up dinner with him. Negan took the plates and went to the kitchen to take care of the dishes. She offered to help him, but he insisted that she didn’t. By the time he came back he had one of her favorite desserts that she had told him about one of the nights they were rambling together. “Negan, my God.”

“What?” Negan’s nose wrinkled when he set the plate down in front of her.

“You’re like a real life prince,” she couldn’t believe how nice this had already turned out. This was the perfect date and it seemed like Negan really put some thought into everything. It was something that would have come from the movies or a romance novel. Negan was pulling out all the stops and she was falling harder for him after every single one. “The flowers, the cooking, and the set up out here…everything is perfect. You’re like a real life prince charming.”

“I’m a lord, not a prince,” Negan snorted in a tease, giving her a wink as he took a bite of the dessert. “I know it’s hard to believe, but I listen to you when you talk and I actually give a shit. So when I want to do something nice for you, it’s not that fucking hard.”

“I realize that you listen to me, especially after tonight. It’s the fact that you want to do it that impresses me so much,” she acknowledged his statement and shrugged her shoulders. How couldn’t she fall in love with this man? Especially after everything that he had done for her, there was no denying how he made her feel.

The sound of music filled the air and she let out a dramatic sound when Negan stood up. It was completely random and out of nowhere, surprising her when he did it. Amused, Negan outstretched his hand and she looked up at him with surprise, “Dance with me?”

“Dance with you?” she repeated and he nodded. Without question, she accepted Negan’s hand after standing up and felt him pull her into position while he start to slow dance with her. Negan was staring out at her with hooded eyes and she tipped up to meet him in a kiss. “You are the most perfect man I’ve ever met.”

“I’m glad I can give you amazing memories to look back on Y/N,” Negan whispered, nestling his nose against the side of her neck while they danced. Negan peppered soft kisses over the side of her neck and he sighed heavily. “I just want this night to be perfect for you.”

“Every moment I spent with you is perfect Negan,” she assured him, pulling her hands away enough to reach up to cup his face. “It doesn’t matter if you are doing this, which is amazing, but I even love getting to go on walks with you. Moments where the two of us only get burgers and end up sitting on the roof talking all night are perfect too. Listening to you go on a long rant about the stars and stories you heard about the stars was one of my favorite nights with you.”

“I thought I bored the shit out of you that night,” Negan chuckled, reaching up to place his hands over hers where they were resting on his face. “I just…I want you happy and seeing you like this…it leaves the image in my mind that I want. Your smile can just brighten my whole day and I don’t want to fucking forget it. You’re very special to me Y/N.”

“You are so special to me Negan,” she informed him and Negan smiled smugly. Getting the best of her, Y/N softly nudged Negan back causing him to stumble. Watching him drop onto the bench that her parents had set up on the deck, she could hear a breath catch in his throat making her smile. Negan looked up at her while she carefully crawled in over his lap. Negan’s were hooked on hers while she slid her fingers through his hair and caressed over his scalp. “You have no idea how special you are to me.”

“Yeah?” Negan hissed while his hands slid down her sides and toward her hips. Negan bunched the material of her dress in his hands and licked at his lips while she stared down at him. She pulled her fingers from his hair and worked on his belt while Negan tipped forward to meet her mouth in a heated kiss. Negan’s kiss was dominant, but still soft while he brushed his lips over hers again and again. Negan teased his fingers up under her dress and reached for her panties urging them down her thighs and she got up to help him get them from her body. Pulling her carefully back into his lap, Negan lifted his hips to help her get his pants down his thighs. “You’re perfect, you know that?”

“I feel that way when I’m with you,” she whispered while Negan reached between them to help lead his body into hers. A wince filled the air when he did and he groaned out at the feeling of her warmth enveloping his body. Her arms hooked around his shoulders while he helped urge her over him in slow, sensual movements. Negan’s eyes were hooked on hers, making sure to never take them off her and once again this felt special. Not like some fuck that Negan was hoping to get between the two of them. The two of them had slept together so many times at this point that she had lost count, but every time felt like something new.

“You are so beautiful,” Negan muttered to her in his deep voice, reaching his right hand up to press her hair out of her face while Negan continued to help the movements of her hips over his.

Negan’s lips met hers and she found herself in awe of the moment. They continued in the same movements before Negan carefully laid her onto her back on the wide bench. Negan moved over her in careful, drawn out movements causing her to softly scratch at his shoulders. Negan’s moans filled the air and she found her eyes coming to a tight close while Negan clearly made love to her. Once they both reached the peak that they were hoping for, her fingertips sank into Negan’s dark hair and she heard him breathing heavily against the side of her neck.

“I love you Negan,” she finally broke the silence and said the words she had been wanting to say for the longest time. Negan gradually lifted his head to look up at her, his hazel eyes searching hers. “I know I’m not supposed to feel this way. I know you told me that I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I love you. I’m head over heels in love with you. You’re romantic, you’re perfect and…”

“Shh…” Negan hushed, sliding his finger in over her lips and she felt her heart skip a beat. Negan smiled and tipped in to press a sweet, delicate kiss over her lips once he pulled his finger away. They stayed in the position they were in until Negan managed to get up. Carrying her in his arms, he moved upstairs to her bedroom and laid her in over the center of her bed. Negan’s eyes surveyed her over before he crawled in beside her. “I don’t want you to forget this night.”

“I never will,” she confirmed, looking down to see Negan sliding his hand in over her hip to line up his small tattoo on his hand with hers on her hip. “This will always be special to me.”

“Good,” Negan breathed, reaching for her hand to bring it up to his face to press a kiss over the inside of her palm. Negan’s eyes were hooked on hers and he was smiling again. “How do you want this night to end?”

“I love every night that ends in your arms,” she replied getting more comfortable in bed with Negan before he wrapped his arms around her snugly. Negan spent most of the night kissing her and touching her. Talking to her about things that would make her laugh or smile. It was ridiculous how charming he was being, but at the same time very sweet. It was hard to have the night end, but soon enough she found herself falling asleep comfortably in his arms like all the nights before.

Early into the morning she could feel the sun beaming down on her through the window and a smile expanded over her features when she thought about the night before. Cuddling further into the pillow underneath her head, she heard the sound of pans clanking together downstairs and could only imagine what Negan was getting into. While she wished she would have woken up in his arms, the idea that he was already in the kitchen preparing something nice for breakfast made her smile. This is what she had gotten used to with Negan. Cuddling at night was amazing, but every morning Negan would come up with something new and special to do for them. Pulling herself slowly up from the bed, she looked over her shoulder to see the bed was empty like she assumed it would be. Reaching out, she caressed over the area that Negan was at last night and it was cold beneath her touch. It led her to believe that Negan must have been doing something really special for breakfast.

Getting her clothes on, she moved downstairs and turned the corner toward the kitchen, “So what are you cooking this morning? Some new special dish that I’ve never heard of, but is…”

When she stepped in front of the kitchen, she swallowed down hard when she saw her father putting some things away. Her father lifted his head and gave her an odd expression and Y/N tugged at her clothes. Well this just got awkward.

“Just cleaning up, you left some things out,” her father answered and Y/N gulped down when she felt her mother moving in behind her making her jump. Her mothered went over to the kitchen counter and pulled something out of her purse. Y/N hadn’t realized her parents were home, but that would explain why Negan wasn’t with her this morning when she woke up. Turning on her heel, Y/N went to go to her room and her father called out to her. “Where are you going?”

“I just want to talk to Negan about something,” Y/N explained and her father snapped his fingers before she could leave the kitchen. Her father’s hands rest over his hips and he looked back at her mother.

“Negan didn’t say goodbye?” her father questioned and her mother stepped forward. “I thought you two would have talked about it yesterday. I didn’t even know he was leaving this morning, but you two seemed to get along decently so I figured he would have told you since he didn’t tell either one of us.”

“Didn’t say goodbye?” she repeated feeling her heart sinking when he said those words. “What do you mean say goodbye?”

“When we got home this morning Negan was packing his things into the mustang. We barely even had time to say goodbye to him ourselves,” her mother informed her with a confused expression. “I’m surprised you didn’t know.”

“Are you joking? Negan wouldn’t just leave without saying goodbye,” she refused to believe that, moving out of the kitchen.

Quickly moving up the stairs she headed for the bedroom he had been staying in and pushed open the door. A shocked breath fell from her lips when she saw all of Negan’s things were gone. Moving into the room he had been staying in, she expected to find a note…something that Negan had left for her. Looking around the area, she found nothing. Heading into her bedroom she thought that maybe he left a note for her there, but when she tossed through some things it had the same outcome. Reaching for her cell phone she dialed in Negan’s number expecting to have him answer. When it went to voicemail, she hung up and tried calling again. Several times she got no answer and she could feel her heart pounding inside of her chest. Fire filled her veins and it felt like the whole world was crashing down around her. Texting Negan, she waited. Minutes later she got nothing.

Moving down the stairs, she hastily moved back into the kitchen and could see her mother carrying her vase full of roses into the kitchen to set them by the window, “Those are mine.”

“They are beautiful,” her mother informed her with a bright smile. “I saw what you did outside on the deck. The lights were a nice touch, but I don’t think I would have put the candles out. It could be dangerous if left out. So next time you set that up just make sure you clean things up when you are done hanging outside, okay? Did you have a small party or something? I liked the flowers and I figured they would look good here in the kitchen while they were getting sun…”

“What did you guys say to Negan this morning? What made him leave?” Y/N demanded to know and her father laughed. She was avoiding her mother’s questions, but she didn’t care to answer them. “What happened?”

“Nothing, he was finishing packing up by the time we got here. I was upset because I hadn’t got to spend much time around him either. We were supposed to hang out and do some things over the next few days. Work kept me busy this summer and I really thought I would get to see him more,” her father rambled and his head tilted to the side. “Why are you so upset about him being gone honey?”

“I just have something that Negan left here. I don’t want him to forget it, but I can’t seem to get a hold of him,” she answered with a nervous breath. “It was something he let me borrow, but I think he forgot he let me borrow it. Do you know how I can get it to him?”

“Well he left his truck here for someone to come and pick up. We can put it with the truck,” her mothered suggested and Y/N quickly shook her head and denied that. “Why not?”

“I just don’t want some random stranger getting their hands on it, I would rather give it to him myself,” she insisted and her father shrugged. “I don’t want it to be stolen. It’s something that is important to Negan.”

“I mean, you could give it to me and I could give it to him the next time I see him. I travel out by his house sometimes and I could drop it off to him?” her father offered trying his best to come up with something. “You go and grab it dear. I’ll set it aside for him and then I will make sure he gets it, okay? Your mother and I are going to go relax outside for a while. I don’t want to see the inside of an office for days so we’re going to get some sun.”

Overwhelmed, she waited for her parents to walk out of the room and when they left she slid down in the corner of the kitchen. Why would Negan leave without saying goodbye? Yesterday they were talking about still seeing each other so this honestly made no sense to her. After all the conversations and all the things that Negan said to her, why in the hell would he just leave without telling her? Without even discussing things with her before he left. It was evident that Negan was avoiding her. There was no note, nothing. Letting her mind linger, the only thing she could think of began to filter into her mind.

Pulling out her cell phone she started to text him, “Negan, I am so sorry I told I loved you last night. If that made you uncomfortable I never meant for it. Please call me.”

Reading her text to herself in her head, she sent the text and waited. Waiting and waiting, she hoped for something more, but there was nothing. Did Negan leave because she told him that she loved him? Is that why he took off without saying goodbye? That couldn’t be it. She couldn’t accept that. It was obvious that she was in love with him. Negan had to know that. It couldn’t have been why he left without saying goodbye or saying anything to her all.

Getting up to her feet, she began pacing. There had to be a way for her to find Negan so she could talk to him. Moving to her mother’s purse, she pulled it open and looked for her mother’s address book. Looking through the names she finally stopped on Negan’s name and wrote down the address. Plugging it into her phone, she grabbed the keys to one of the cars and left. She wasn’t going to wait for her parents to question why she was so eager to leave when they had just gotten home. She had to find out why Negan left and she had to talk to him.

It took quite some time to get to Negan’s home. On the ride over she thought of what she would say to him. The fact he hadn’t called her back or even texted her back confused her. She didn’t know what she did wrong other than tell him that she loved him. That had to be why he left. There was no other reason that he would do that. It just seemed so weird because everything last night was so romantic. Negan went way out of his way to be perfect with her. Everything was set up so sweetly and she could never imagine after last night that he would just take off without someone urging him to leave. Her parents had to say something, someone had to do something. Negan wouldn’t just leave. Not after everything he had done the day before.

Pulling in front of his house, she noticed that his muscle car was in the garage that was opened so she knew that she had the right place. Parking the car in front of the house in the street, she stared out at it and let out a tight breath. It was a nice house, not as nice as her parent’s home, but still nice. The fact he wanted to stay with her family over the summer with a place like that made her question things. Why would he want to be with them when he had a home all to himself only an hour or two away?

On the ride over her mother had called, but she didn’t care. She didn’t want to talk to either one of her parents. They would be offended that she didn’t stick around after they had come home, but she didn’t care. More important things were at hand.

Finally gaining the courage, she got out of the car and moved for the front door. There was the hope that Negan was in the garage, but when she walked up the driveway, he wasn’t. Heading for the door, she rang the bell and waited. At first there was nothing, but then she heard the sound of someone moving around inside. What sounded like Negan calling out that he would get the door was heard and when the door pulled open Negan’s hazel eyes met hers and the color immediately drained from his face.

“Whoa…hey…” Negan moved outside and pulled the door closed behind him. Negan’s hands were grabbing a tight hold of hers, trying to get her to move away from the door toward the garage area. “What are you doing here Y/N? How did you figure out where I lived?”

“I checked my mother’s address book. I just…I tried calling you and I texted you, but you didn’t answer back so I…” she began and Negan looked over his shoulder almost coming off apprehensive about something.

“So you came all the way out to my home?” Negan snapped and her whole body locked up at the fact that he was clearly irritated with her for coming out to his house. Negan had never really raised his voice like this to her before so she was confused. “What are you thinking? Did you tell your parents you were coming here?”

“No, I just came. I don’t understand Negan. During the night we were fine and then you just left. No note, no nothing. No goodbyes,” she rambled and Negan reached for her hands to pull her further toward the bottom of the driveway. “Did my parents say something to you? When they came home did they know? Did they find out about the two of us? Is that why you left?”

“No, no of course not,” Negan denied and he shifted on his feet uncomfortably. “Listen, now is not the time. We can’t talk about this.”

“Why not Negan? You aren’t answering your phone…you aren’t answering your texts. You just left and I don’t even know why. I’m thinking I did something wrong because I told you I loved you or…” she stammered, trying to pull sentences together. She was hurt, frustrated, upset and completely confused. Tears began to swell at her eyes while Negan tried to urge her back to her car and she stopped dead in her tracks. “I know I said I loved you Negan. If that’s what happened and why you left, I’m sorry. You asked me not to say it, but how was I not supposed to feel that way? You kept pushing everything. You were the one that made me feel all these things by doing all of these romantic gestures and…”

“I know what I did,” Negan hushed her, trying to get her to lower her voice as she spoke. It was obvious she was upset and he was trying to keep her voice down. Negan held his hands up and he looked back toward the house before glancing to her again. “Things got too serious for me sweetheart. I know what I did. I just didn’t realize how far this was going. Okay?”

“That’s bullshit. You knew what you were doing in making me fall in love with you. How could I not fall in love with you Negan?” she demanded an answer and Negan was searching for words, but he was coming off lost. “I think you love me too Negan and I think that’s why you left. I know you’re not a man that really says that or admits things like that…”

“Stop,” Negan demanded in an angry tone and she knew she was getting more worked up. Negan tried to get her to calm down, but she couldn’t help herself. Having him leave her like that when he made all the promises he had made the night before upset her. Negan made her fall so much in love with him and now that she truly felt the way she did, Negan was eager to leave without explanation. She wanted to know why and she could feel tears burning at her eyes. “Stop it now.”

“But I love you, I’m sorry. Whatever I did, I’m sorry,” she whimpered as if trying to tempt him into coming back with her. She wanted answers, but most of all she wanted him and she couldn’t help, but cry knowing that Negan was mad with her. Mad at her enough to leave without even saying goodbye or wanting to deal with her. “Please…”

“I said stop dammit!” Negan screamed causing her to fall silent and he looked over his shoulder again in a nervous glance. Negan was never like this with her. “Go home Y/N. We can’t do this right now. There is a reason I left without saying goodbye. You don’t want to know so just enjoy what we had and live off that high. Okay? That’s why I tried to make everything so fucking special for you yesterday. You weren’t supposed to come looking for me after everything. Fucking hell.”

“But yesterday didn’t feel like an ending to us, you promised things and…” she began, but Negan made a noise alerting her that she needed to stop going off again. “Just please make me understand what I did.”

“I’m asking you to leave,” Negan scoffed, nodding toward her car again. Negan’s face was flushed over while she cried before him and he shook his head. “Now Y/N.”

“I just don’t understand what I did wrong. You knew I was falling in love with you and after last night,” she began to rebuttal. Stammering for words, she tried to gather hers, but before she could Negan tossed his left hand up in the air in her face. It confused her at first until she spotted the golden band over his ring finger. A crushing, sinking feeling expanded throughout her chest and she didn’t know how to respond except uncomfortably laugh. A breath of air escaped her lungs and she reached up to wipe at her face. “What the hell is that Negan?”

"Y/N, I'm married," Negan admitted, gulping down heavily seeing the way her eyes widened and he shrugged his shoulders. "That’s the big secret that I had that I could never tell you, but kept trying. It was the one thing that I could never bring myself to say. At the beginning of the summer I got in a fight with my wife and she asked me to leave the house. That’s why I ended up at your parent’s place. We were kind of separated at the time and that’s why I was there. It’s why I always had an easy out or excuse when I disappeared. I would tell your father that I was at home trying to fix things with my wife and…”

“You’re married,” she repeated his word and Negan nodded. His glance shifted between her and the house before he stepped in closer to her. Everything suddenly started to make sense and it felt like she was going to pass out right then and there.

“Yesterday she called and…she wants to work things out, you know? I always knew that I was going to come back to her at the end of the summer. I was just giving her that space that she asked for,” Negan explained and she thought back to all the times that she had questioned why Negan wasn’t taken. How she had gotten so lucky to hook up with him, but she found herself broken when she realized it. Negan was taken this entire time and this entire time it was completely obvious, but she was too blind to see it. “When I came to your parents’ house, I never expected…I never expected that you and I would get so close.”

“So your wife…?” she looked to the house and Negan nodded. “She’s in there?”

“Yeah,” Negan answered, trying to still stay hushed. There was a knot in her stomach as she stepped back trying to get a grasp on everything that was happening. Going to move to leave, Negan reached for her and stopped her from leaving. “What happened between us…”

“Do you even have a sister? Was the person that called all those times that day your sister or was it your wife?” she dug further and Negan swallowed down hard. It was clear that his eyes were avoiding her and that gave her all the answer that she needed. “That was smooth Negan. You had me. How about the times that it was work calling? It was her, wasn’t it?”

“I’m sorry I lied to you, okay?” Negan apologized, but she was clearly very upset. The color in her face had completely drained and she was still crying pretty heavily after learning everything. “I should have been more honest...I thought you knew at first that I was married. Your parents are so close to me that I was sure you knew that I was married and you just didn’t care, but the longer that things went on, I realized that wasn’t the case.”

“You think?” she retorted with an upset breath. “What was I to you Negan? What was all of this?” She demanded an answer, but Negan threw his hands up in the air as if he didn’t have an answer to that question. Negan’s thick eyebrows were tensed and he was at a loss of words, “Was I just some conquest?”

“At first, yes,” Negan admitted while she shifted on her feet before him. Those words broke her. They truly did. "I'm not a good man Y/N. I never was and I told you that. You just have no idea how good it feels to have someone young look at you with big eyes like you are something special. Something important…and that’s what you did for me. You made me feel like I was actually worth a damn. And then when you told me you were a virgin, I knew I had to fucking have you…I always told you I would hurt you in the end." 

“So I was just some virgin that you just had to have?” she pondered and Negan half shrugged. “That’s all I was?”

“At first, yeah,” Negan repeated, his eyes narrowing as he spoke. “I just saw a young virgin that was desperate for my attention and I wanted to fuck her so fucking bad. The idea that I’d be the first man to have you and to have you in the way that no one else would…I needed that. Fuck, you were so pure and so innocent. To have someone like you want me, it felt fucking amazing. To take you and…”

“Change me completely,” she cut him off watching Negan let out a heavy exhale. “You completely changed me to your liking so when you were done with me you could just throw me aside.”

“You’re young. Fucking someone is just normal for your age. I never expected anything more than that,” Negan retorted, his deep voice getting raspier as he spoke. “That first night, I was going to just fuck you. Then you looked at me a certain way and I confused your innocence with something more on my end.”

“So the first night you slept with me…when you disappeared, you came to her. Didn’t you?” she recalled when she had lost her virginity to Negan. Someone had made a call to him and he swore it was work, but the angry fuck afterwards was starting to make sense now. “And she wouldn’t take you back?”

“I realized I made a mistake after sleeping with you, yeah,” Negan agreed with what she said. “I came back here and she still didn’t want me back no matter how much I apologized.”

“Did you tell her that you fucked me?” she blurt out and Negan laughed.

“Of course not,” Negan snorted and gave her a sideways glance. “That’s probably going to be something I keep to myself for a long time.”

“Does your wife think you are loyal?” she swallowed down and Negan shrugged.

“I mean I’ve…made mistakes,” Negan confessed and folded his arms out in front of his chest. “I think she knew by me being gone I wasn’t going to be faithful. I just tried really hard that night to apologize. Sleeping with you made me realize what an asshole I was being.”

“So did you really realize that you cared for me or was I just a rebound to make yourself feel better?” Y/N knew that she didn’t want the real answer, but as Negan pushed his hands into his pockets, she found her heart breaking further.

“Maybe a little bit of both?” Negan muttered and he shrugged his shoulders. “Don’t get me wrong, as time went on I loved being with you. You’re fun…you’re sweet and I enjoyed every single moment that we spent together.”

“You loved fucking me,” she repeated words that he had said to her multiple times. Negan nodded and his eyes were shifting. There were things that he was thinking, but not daring to say.

“I did. I’m not kidding when I say you are the best pussy I’ve ever had,” Negan answered and he could see the expression over her face change. “But that’s not what you want to hear right now when you are standing in front of me claiming you love me. Shit.”

“If you’re trying to make me feel better, it’s not really working,” she whispered, looking to the door of the house. The home and everything began to make sense and it felt like the world was playing some kind of sick prank on her. “I wish you wouldn’t have made me feel…like this. Why keep up with everything if you didn’t love me? Why continue to pamper me and make me fall in love with you? Why play me along? Was it so you could crush me in the end? Is that your thing? You make people fall in love with you so you can just destroy them once you are done with them?”

“No, my thing is fucking someone once and then being done with them. You knew that before you ever slept with me,” Negan corrected her and she felt her chest aching with what he had said. “I really enjoyed being with you. Please don’t think I didn’t because I did. It’s been a long time since I’ve been that fucking comfortable with someone.”

“But you were planning on leaving the whole time?” she confirmed and Negan slowly nodded. “Why make me believe there was something more? Did you even care about me by the time you left me there alone? All this time you were making me believe that you loved me, but you were just…”

There was a silence between them. Negan was upset with her reaction and reached out to try to grab her shoulder, but she pulled away from him. It was clear she was hurt and he was at a loss for words. What he did was wrong and he knew it. It's what led him to know that he should go back to his wife. 

"I do care for you, that's why I left," Negan explained with a shake of his head. "It should have just been a one and done. All I wanted to do was fuck you once, but then I started feeling things for you. I know it's a piss poor excuse, but..." 

"You cared for me, so that's why you left?" she half laughed and he frowned upon her response. "That's bullshit." 

"You aren't meant to be with me. You are supposed to live a normal life. I'm way too fucking old for you," he insisted with a shake of his head. "You are a beautiful young girl and I'm just a piece of shit. I'm an awful human being. I only tried getting in your pants from the moment I saw you. I'm...so...fucking sorry." 

“And now what? It’s just over?” she reached for some kind of answer and Negan threw his hands up. It wasn’t an answer he wanted to give her and that was obvious in the way he avoided it. “You really are an asshole.”

“I told you that from the beginning,” Negan reminded her and she felt her breath leave her lungs at his response. “You were supposed to be a one and done. I wanted to fuck you, I wanted to take your virginity and then I wanted it to be over, but then you looked at me with those big eyes. You looked at me like no one else ever has and I wanted to be something more. I loved the feeling of that…”

“Why build me up yesterday for…this?” she begged for an answer. Negan almost didn’t look like he was going to give her and answer and she didn’t know what to do. The tears were burning at her cheeks and she was extremely uncomfortable. 

“I wanted to give you one final day. One final day of perfect. I didn’t think you would come chasing after me. I thought I would leave you on a high. You would be happy and then you would go off to school. Get a better life. One that didn’t involve me,” Negan informed her of his plans and she felt her chest aching at what he was saying. “You’re not meant to be with someone like me. You’re just not.”

“That should be my choice, right?” she blurt out and Negan gave her a confused expression. “You should have told me.”

“I convinced you to fuck me without you even knowing that I was married,” Negan snorted, “Why would you want to be with a married man that is a fucking cheater? I was always going to pick my wife over you. No matter what I did I was always going to break your heart. So why wouldn’t I build you up to make you believe you were just as perfect as you really are. Finding out I was married would have made you feel like shit.”

“Little late for that,” she cried and Negan felt bad that she was so hurt by what she had found out. Negan tried to reach out to touch her, but she refused him. “Do you love her?”

“Of course I do,” Negan answered, a heavy breath falling from his lips. “She’s been with me for the longest time.”

“But you cheat on her,” she reminded him and he made an upset expression. “This is why you don’t like kissing people or doing…certain sexual acts. You taste like people and with a wife, you can’t have that. God, I’m so fucking stupid for believing that was normal. How did I not realize you were a married man?”

“I sometimes ask myself the same question,” Negan stammered and she gave him a glare. “We can’t do this here anymore Y/N. My wife is inside the house. If she comes out…”

Nodding, she headed back toward the car that she took to try and come to find him. A moment later she felt him grabbing a hold of her wrist to pull her back to him. His rough hands cupped her face in his them. His mouth quickly descended over hers in what she assumed to be a parting kiss and his head rest against hers when he pulled his mouth from hers. 

"I love you too and I love you so fucking much, but us...it's not right. You…you deserve better than me and you fucking know that," Negan whispered, back stepping away from her as he watched her teary eyes look him over. Negan frowned and looked back toward the house. Nodding toward it, he started heading back and she could feel the ache in her chest getting worse. Negan had told her that he had loved her too, but this wasn’t at all how she expected to hear it for the first time. The idea of having a broken heart with his admission was not what she expected at all from this moment. “Goodbye Y/N.”

Y/N stood at the bottom of the driveway, Negan’s goodbye kiss still lingering over her lips. Everything hurt and there was so much more she wanted to say, but knew that she couldn’t because Negan’s wife was inside. The pain and the ache from everything being dropped on her was there and she wasn’t sure how to respond or handle everything. All she knew was that she was heartbroken and it was all at the hands of Negan

* * *

“Who was that?” Negan heard the sound of his wife cooking in the kitchen and he moved into the room with her after coming back into the house. Negan was sure that she hadn’t seen what happened or else she would have snapped on him. His wife was not one for keeping calm, especially when he did something to piss her off. Standing in the entrance way of the kitchen, he cleared his throat and move forward. His hands slid in over her hips and he leaned down to press a soft kiss against the side of her neck. “Negan, no.”

“What?” Negan stammered as she wiggled out of his grasp and continued to cook what she was doing. “Why not Lucille? Why can’t I kiss you?”

“We’re just not back at that point yet,” she insisted, her green eyes met his and Negan huffed heavily. “You just got back home and we really haven’t even had the chance to talk about things. You’ve been gone all summer.”

“Right and that was your choice, not mine. When you asked me to come back, I did,” Negan reminded her, still feeling an ache in his chest at the goodbye he had with Y/N. The fact that he left something special to come back to Lucille crushed him, especially since Lucille wasn’t even giving him a chance at this point. “I would have never left if you didn’t ask me to.”

“You and I both know that we needed that break,” Lucille stated with a scoff. “We would have ended up killing each other if you would have stayed.”

“Well I did what you asked. I gave you time and when you called, I wasted no time in coming back. You made it seem like I wanted a divorce, but the moment you call…I’m here,” Negan pointed out and she looked back at him. Negan reached out to try and brush some of her dark hair away from her face and she pulled away from him. “Lucille?”

“We have to build back up to this again Negan,” she stated with a firm tone, “I want to work on us, but this whole sweet, touchy feely stuff…it just doesn’t feel real after you have been gone for almost two months.”

“You know I wanted to be home with you. I stated that so many times, you were the one that kept me away,” Negan recapped to her and she shrugged her shoulders. Her slender form turned and Negan tried to reach out to touch her face, but she turned away from him. “Lucille, I love you.”

“And I love you too Negan, but this is just…too much and too fast,” she explained with a shrug of her shoulders. She inhaled sharply and then turned back toward the stove. “You never said who that was at the door.”

“I left something at the house I was staying at and they sent their kid to drop it off to me,” Negan lied and Lucille looked over her shoulder at Negan.

“Isn’t that over an hour away?” Lucille questioned and Negan nodded. “Well that was awfully nice.”

“It was important considering it was the extra set of keys to the new car,” Negan reached inside his pocket to hold up the spare key that he had to his new mustang. “I figured maybe you would want this set and…”

“Why would I want that? I always thought that buying that car was a stupid idea,” Lucille retorted with a laugh. “This is why I fully stand behind our separate income choices. You leave the house and within the week you get yourself that stupid car.”

“I’m offering to let you drive her,” Negan continued to hold up the key and she shook her head again. “Lucille, you know I’ve always wanted that car.”

“I know and I’ve always wanted children, but do you see me having any?” she blurt out and Negan let out an irritated sound. “Sometimes we just deal with what we have.”

“That’s not fair,” Negan snorted, his eyebrows tensing together when she made that comment. “We’ve tried okay? We’ve tried a lot.”

“So you should understand my comment then. It’s disappointing when you don’t get what you want,” she retorted and Negan felt his chest aching at her comments. His fists clenched at his sides and he shrugged his shoulders. “I’m pretty sure that’s not even something you want so why would I be happy about your stupid car?”

“Of course I want kids Lucille. That’s why I keep trying,” Negan reminded her and he reached out to try and touch her, but she pulled from him again. “Damn it Lucille, just let me try and be a husband for once. I’m trying to comfort you.”

“Let’s start with a conversation. If we can have one without bickering then the two of us can start touching each other. Until then…” Lucille waved her hand in the air and motioned Negan to leave. “I’m trying to get dinner done and you’re bothering me. Distractions will not get dinner done, so instead of having this discussion, why don’t you just go have a cigarette or something? Maybe you’ll be more logical by the time dinner is ready. Your cigarettes seem to calm you down.”

“Yes ma’am,” Negan mocked, moving out of the kitchen and into the backyard. Dropping down on one of the chairs they had out there, he looked over his shoulder and made sure he was alone. After he pulled out a cigarette, he reached for his cell phone and unlocked it. Negan saw all the messages that Y/N had sent him and he deleted all of them. Negan cleared his history and looked back toward the house while he lit up a cigarette. It was hard, but it was time for him to get his shit together and he had to stop letting his fling with a younger woman rule his life.

There was a sense of guilt that he felt for never telling her that he was married, but it was only supposed to be a fling. The fact that he let it get as far as it did really bothered Negan. He meant it when he told her that he loved her, he just knew that it was for the best for them to no longer be together. Negan was married and he truly loved his wife, so it felt wrong for him to love Y/N too. The best thing to do was try and push her out of his mind.

* * *

Days passed after Negan had returned home and he was lying awake in bed. Glancing over at Lucille who was sleeping heavily behind him, Negan let out a huff and felt his chest aching. While he thought he would be able to erase Y/N from his mind easily, it wasn’t really that easy. Maybe it made it worse that he couldn’t get Lucille to be more open with him.

Turning on his side, Negan pulled himself in closer to Lucille. Reaching up, he dragged his fingertips over her shoulder and felt her shifting beneath his touch. Negan’s lips descended upon her shoulder and he heard her let out a breath.

“It’s been so long since we’ve had sex baby,” Negan hummed against Lucille’s ear, dragging his tongue out over her flesh. “What do you say the two of us try again for that baby?”

“Negan,” Lucille began with a tired breath while Negan’s hand slid down her side. When Negan urged his hand around her hips, he felt her grasping tightly to his wrist to get him to stop from being romantic with her. “I’m too tired for this. Okay?”

“Jesus Lucille,” Negan snapped, pulling himself up in bed and he watched her turn over in bed to face him. “I want us to be us again.”

“What’s us Negan?” Lucille retorted with a small laugh. “For two months I stayed to myself in this house.”

“I just want to be able to touch you without you getting mad at me,” Negan explained, “Not even sex, but I’d like to touch you and not have you pull away from me like I’m fire.”

“Then work me up to it Negan,” Lucille snapped and Negan let out a frustrated sound.

“I’m trying!” Negan blurt out with a distraught sound. “What more can I do? I’m trying to listen to everything you’ve said. I’m doing the things you’ve asked of me to try and make things better. Fuck…what more can I do?”

“If you want to talk, wait until morning because I’m too tired to fight with you,” Lucille turned away from Negan and got comfortable in bed again. “If you’re horny go and jerk off in the bathroom.”

“That’s very romantic Lucille,” Negan snorted, “You know I try to be sweet and romantic with you when we do this…”

“While that’s all very compelling Negan, no…” Lucille denied him once more. “We can talk in the morning. Why don’t you go have a cigarette or something?”

“Because that fixes everything Lucille, you’re right,” Negan pulled himself from the bed and moved for the door. “I hope you sleep well.”

Negan moved out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Grabbing his cigarettes and his phone, he headed outside and dropped down in one of the chairs again. Lighting up his cigarette, he tossed the box of cigarettes and his lighter to the seat next to him. Grunting, Negan let out an angry sound and leaned back in his chair.

He knew that he wasn’t a good husband, but since he had come home he had been trying. So very hard. It was clear that Lucille just wasn’t going to go for it and he felt overwhelmed. Obviously he had made massive mistakes, but he was trying very hard to make things right. He didn’t expect her to forgive him, but he wanted her to at least try with him.

Reaching for his cell phone, Negan unlocked it and pulled open the gallery on his phone. Swiping through, he looked at the random photos he had taken since he had come home, but stopped when he fell upon the photos of him and Y/N on the beach the last day he had spent with her. Looking over his shoulder, Negan made sure that Lucille wasn’t downstairs and he let out a heavy sigh. Y/N had made him feel so special and good, but now he was back to being miserable again. While Negan was hopeful that he could fix his marriage, there were so many things that he absolutely missed about being with Y/N.

Pulling his cigarette from his lips, Negan exhaled heavily and swiped through the photos he had taken. His heart hurt just looking at them. Not having her in his life was hard. She was the one positive thing that he had to actually make him feel good. Being around her felt good. Talking with her felt amazing. Lying with Lucille at night was just not the same as it was when he was with Y/N. There was something special about being with Y/N and everything inside of him missed her. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t help it.

Stopping on the sex video they had taken, Negan smirked and realized that he had never sent it to Y/N. Gathering things from his phone; he ended up sending the video to Y/N’s phone through text and brought the cigarette back up to his lips. Negan knew it was wrong to keep the photos and the videos that he had taken with her, but he knew that Lucille didn’t know the key to get into his phone. Everything would be fine.

Waiting after he had sent the video to Y/N, he almost expected her to write him back. Hell, he was sure she would after how he left things with her. After he waited and made it through his first cigarette, Negan let out a frustrated sound. Shaking his head, Negan looked back over his shoulder again to make sure he was clear before starting to watch their sex video together. Negan got comfortable in the seat and pushed his hand into pajama pants. Wrapping his palm around his body, he did what Lucille had suggested in the first place with jerking off. If she suggested it, he wasn’t going to feel bad about doing it. He just wished Y/N would have written him back when he sent it to her.

Life almost seemed perfect for a while, but like everything in life…he had to ruin what he had and now he was sitting in his backyard with his hand down his pants while both women that were in his life wanted absolutely nothing to do with him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan tries to go back to living life normally after breaking things off with the reader/oc and he can't seem to keep his mind off of her.

A frustrated grunt fell from Negan’s lips when he pulled himself out of his car after a meeting at school. Negan had been back to work a few days and they were making him go through training so his days had been extra-long compared to what he was used to. Going to work hours early and staying at work hours later wasn’t how he pictured his days going. When they told him he would be having some more training, he assumed it would be just a day or two here and there, but it was far from that.

Grabbing his things from the backseat, he closed the door and moved into the house and dropped his stuff in one of the chairs that surrounded the dining room table. Unbuttoning the sleeves of his shirt, Negan sighed heavily and headed toward the kitchen. Taking a moment to glance around the kitchen, he knew that he would come home and make dinner on the days that Lucille worked, but today he was so tired that he truly debated just calling out to have something delivered. Folding the sleeves up on his shirt, he moved for the refrigerator and heard the sound of steps moving in behind him.

Glancing over his shoulder, Negan saw Lucille standing at the entrance of the kitchen and she was leaning against the doorway. She was wearing one of his larger shirts that she would often wear to sleep and Negan looked her over. Biting into his bottom, he leaned back into the corner of the counter and stared out at her with his tired hazel eyes.

“What are you doing up?” Negan looked to his watch to see that she was up earlier than she should have been. Lucille normally worked nights and by the time he would come home he would cook for her every time if it was a work day. Typically he would try to have dinner done for her by the time that she woke up. Since her hours were reversed, she typically had her meals in reverse order, but they made it work. Negan noticed how tired she still looked and he nodded toward the area that the stairs were. “You should get some more sleep since you have been so tired lately. I’ll get dinner started and when it’s done…”

“I’m not really hungry Negan,” Lucille answered and Negan nodded. Negan turned away from Lucille and pulled open the cabinet to grab a box of cereal. “What are you doing?”

“If you aren’t hungry, I’ll just grab a bowl of cereal. There is nothing wrong with that. I kind of miss eating that,” Negan explained and reached for a bowl from the cabinets. Lucille made a frustrated noise and Negan looked back over his shoulder at her. “Or would you rather me cook you something? I can cook something so you have food at work if you want?”

“No, go ahead and have your cereal,” she urged him to eat what he wanted and Negan poured the cereal into the bowl. There was a silence that fell over them and Lucille folded her arms out in front of her chest. “Are you cheating again Negan?”

“Where the fuck did that come from?” Negan turned on his heel to look at his wife. The expression over his face displayed that he was disgusted with her outburst of a question and he huffed. “At what point have I given the hint that I might be doing that?”

“Your history gives me enough to worry about. You are gone long days,” she pointed out that his new schedule was different and Negan groaned inwardly. “I just figured we should get it out on the table now if that’s what is going on.”

“Lucille, I was at work,” Negan explained with a confused expression. Lucille gave him a look as if she was questioning his words and Negan stepped forward closer to her. “Baby, you can call the school. I am doing training. I swear. I have been going to work early and I’ve been staying late. They have a new program on the fucking computer and I thought it would be like a day of training, but it’s extensive.”

Lucille said nothing and Negan stepped forward to grab her hands in his softly, “I swear…since I came home I have been one hundred percent true to you. I want to work on us Lucille. I want to fix what we have. I love you.”

“I want to believe you,” she sighed and Negan grinned, stepping forward. His right hand reached up to brush her dark hair behind her ear and he tipped down to press a long, lingering kiss over her jawline. “It’s just hard.”

“I know and I’m so fucking sorry, but I promise you…I’m yours,” Negan whispered, his mouth trailing wet kisses down her jaw before raising toward her lips. When Negan’s lips descended over hers, he heard a nervous breath escape her throat. Raising both his hands, he cupped her face in his rough palms and very carefully kissed her. Being cautious in the way he kissed her, he wanted to make sure he wasn’t aggressive enough to make her uncomfortable. Gradually her arms wrapped around his neck and Negan took notice when her mouth opened to his. Brushing his tongue softly against hers caused her to whimper into his mouth and he pulled away slowly. “I love you…so much.”

Lucille’s eyes searched his as if trying to call him on some sort of lie, but soon enough her expression softened and she let out a long sigh.

“I love you too Negan,” she breathed against his mouth when she moved in to kiss him again. Cherishing the moment, Negan continued to kiss her and appreciated that they could have a moment of peace between the both of them. It had been the first time that Lucille had freely been open to kissing him in so long and he didn’t want to draw attention away from what they were doing.

Reaching down, he picked her up in his arms carefully. A gasp escaped her lips and he chuckled at her response while she quickly reached for his neck to make sure that he wouldn’t drop her. Negan carried her up the stairs and toward their bedroom, setting her down in the center of the bed carefully.

“I would never let you get hurt,” Negan promised her when she finally released his neck, unhooking her arms slowly. Negan nestled his nose against hers before standing up from the bed. The way her green eyes were hooked on him made him grin and he moved to the bottom of the bed. Playfully, Negan began to strip his shirt off knowing how to make her laugh. Instead of being sexy, he knew that he could be goofy and she enjoyed it. Tossing his shirt aside, he reached for his pants and gave her a ridiculous strip dance, loving the sound of her laughing while he did it. “That’s right; your husband is a fucking hunk.”

“You are ridiculous,” Lucille giggled while Negan’s pants got caught at his ankle and she laughed harder when he stumbled to get them off his body. “So sexy Negan.”

“Right?” Negan’s eyebrow perked up when he finally kicked the material into the corner of the bedroom.

“You’re such a weirdo,” she watched him pull his socks off and toss them aside and he wiggled his eyebrow in response. 

“But you love me anyways,” Negan winked, jumping in over her on the bed and her hands pressed in over his chest. Negan chuckled when he crawled in over her and Lucille reached up to brush her fingertips into his thick hair. Taking a moment to stare down at his wife, Negan balanced his weight on his left arm and reached out to caress over her face with his right hand. “You are so beautiful.”

“Negan…” she swallowed down, her eyes shifting away from his, but Negan persuaded her to look back up at him. “I don’t think I am.”

“But you are. You are so beautiful,” Negan muttered in a firm tone. “And I am so lucky to be married to you because you are perfect…”

“You think so?” she quirked and Negan nodded. Negan took his time tracing over her features with his rough fingertips. Their eyes were still hooked on each other’s and gradually his fingers sank into her dark hair.

“I know so,” Negan corrected her and adjusted his body over hers. Getting on his knees, Negan grabbed the bottom of the shirt she was wearing. Pulling her up enough, he got the material from her body and looked at it once he had it in his hands. “You know I actually like this shirt?”

“I know,” she snickered while he looked it over and tossed it aside. “I do too.”

“So you wear one of my favorite shirts to sleep?” he teased and shook his head when he slid in closer to her again.

“What can I say? It reminds me of the better moments we’ve had,” she informed him and Negan nodded. Reaching up, he brushed his fingers into his hair and slicked it back. “And it’s comfortable.”

“I know,” Negan lowered down and started pressing slow, teasing kisses over her lower abdomen. A breath hitched in her throat and Negan’s eyes lifted up to look at her while he continued to press his kisses higher. The firm grasp of her fingers tugging at his hair pulled him further up toward her after he nipped softly at her flesh. Lucille was desperate to kiss him while Negan reached for her panties. “You okay with this?”

Negan wanted to make sure she was comfortable with everything. For weeks she wanted nothing to do with him, but suddenly was prepared to have sex with him. Negan continued to kiss her, but every time he tried to pull away, she was eagerly pulling him back to her to kiss him. It took a moment before Negan was finally able to pull away for a breath and her greens eyes searched his, “Of course.”

Negan firmly tugged the material from her body and tossed it aside. A gasp escaped Lucille’s throat at the haste in which Negan pulled the material from her body. The way she was watching him caused a fire and thrill to flood his veins. It had been so long since he had felt this way with Lucille and he was excited. Pushing his fingertips in the hem of his boxer briefs, he got the material to the bottom his hips and Lucille’s eyes were hooked on him. Crawling in over Lucille, Negan felt her clutching to him. Slowly, she began peppering kisses in over the side of his neck before speaking up, “What were you doing at work?”

“I was getting trained in a new program we’re using on the computers for attendance, grading and other things. I’m just used to the whole marking it down by paper thing, but apparently that’s not enough,” Negan snorted and he turned in to kiss Lucille in a delicate way. “I was also getting lectured about the way I talk to the kids.”

“What?” Lucille laughed while Negan urged her thighs further apart. Negan reached down to pull her up closer to him and Lucille’s fingers dug into Negan’s bare shoulders. “I told you swearing at those kids would get you in trouble Negan.”

“I can’t help who I am Lucille,” Negan retorted, reaching between them to grab his body. Stroking it a few times, he urged his hips forward and a nervous breath fell from her lips. It looked like she was tensing up and Negan’s eyes rose to hers. “Lucille? If you don’t want to do this, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s fine,” Lucille tried to assure Negan and Negan reached up to lovingly trace over her face. Lucille turned her head away and Negan huffed by the way she didn’t want to be touched. “Stop with the romance stuff Negan. Just fuck me the way you do all the other girls.”

“Excuse me?” Negan blurt out, his hazel getting wide with her response. “Lucille…”

“This whole romance shit feels ridiculous when I know that you are not like this,” Lucille reached down to grab at Negan’s body. Negan’s eyes closed when her hand began pumping over his flesh. Anger got the best of him and Negan pushed her hand away from his body before he moved away with a grunt. Pulling himself to the edge of the bed, Negan tugged his boxer briefs back up over his slender body and sat down at the bottom of his bed. Slowly, his breathing started to return to normal while he lowered his head into his hands. “What are you doing?”

“This is bullshit,” Negan snarled from his hands. “I thought we were going in the right direction. I was trying to make you happy. I was trying to make things right and then you go and say shit like that. I don’t think there is anything wrong with me trying to make love to my wife and make sure she is okay. That’s what husbands should do, isn’t it?”

“Because that’s what you like, right?” Lucille prodded, glaring at Negan from where he was seated. “If you want to fuck me, you should just do it the way you normally do Negan. I want to know what it feels like to be one of your sluts.”

“Okay Lucille. Fuck this,” Negan blurt out in an angry breath. Standing from the bed, he moved over to grab the shirt that he had pulled from her body and tossed it back to her. Lucille was offended and he could tell by the expression over her face. “I love you, but this has become total bullshit.”

“This is bullshit because I want to make you happy and let you fuck me the way you like to fuck people?” Lucille snapped, embarrassingly reaching for her panties that were on the other side of the bed.

“While bringing up the mistakes that I have made? It’s all in your presentation. You aren’t trying to make me happy, you are trying to remind me of all the bad shit I’ve done” Negan growled, his eyes narrowing while staring out at her. “I told you I’m trying to do right by you and you can’t even give me the chance. You have to bring up all the bad stuff I’ve done. If you loved me, you would at least give me a chance.”

“Oh, so I’m supposed to forget all the bad that you did. Alright Negan. I’ll forget about all the women that I know you’ve slept with,” Lucille chuckled when Negan began pulling his pants back up over his body. “Yeah, let’s start with a clean slate Negan.”

“In order to fix our relationship we have to work on us,” Negan pled, throwing his hands up in the air. “Why don’t we go to couples therapy? I hate that fucking opening up shit, but if that’s what you want to do I will do it.”

“With what time Negan? You know my schedule is ridiculous. Especially with work being understaffed,” Lucille pointed out and Negan felt his chest tightening at her rebuttal. “I hardly get sleep as it is.”

“Lucille, I love you. I would hope that maybe lacking sleep once every few weeks if it helps work on our relationship would be worth it to you,” Negan begged and Lucille rolled her eyes. “I’m trying Lucille. Please.”

“Forget it, I’m tired Negan. You can do what you want with the rest of your time today. I’m not hungry. I’m going to sleep until it’s time to get up for work,” she informed him, pulling the sheets up so she could get comfortable in the bed after she had gotten her clothes back on. “I’m not in the mood.”

“You’re never in the mood for anything. You’re not in the mood to talk. You’re not in the mood for sex and you’re not in the mood to try and fix us,” Negan screamed hearing nothing from her in return. “You can’t just ignore me Lucille.”

Once again she ignored him and Negan let out a frustrated sound before storming down the stairs to go outside to smoke again. Negan smoked for a while and paced. The anger from what Lucille had done flooded through his mind. There was so much good and happiness Negan had given up to try and make things right with Lucille, yet she wasn’t giving him the chance that she promised she would be giving him.

Reaching for his phone, Negan pulled open his photo gallery again and looked at the photos of him and Y/N together. It was his attempt at trying to get that feeling of happiness that he felt when he was with her back. The photos were supposed to be a reminder of the good, but as he stood outside, he found himself desperate to talk to her again.

Negan sent her a text telling her that he missed talking to her. Minutes passed and another cigarette later, Negan got agitated when she didn’t write him back. Going through his phone, Negan began sending all the pictures he had of him and Y/N to her phone. When they were together, she had originally asked him to send the photos, but he never did. So now he was doing what she had asked back then. In sending the photos he was hoping that she would be open to writing him back based on the memories that she had with him.

Sending another text, he wrote her and told her how much he would love to hear her voice. How sorry he was and how much he missed her. Waiting, he expected some kind of response, but when almost a half hour had passed he found himself angry. Sending her a bunch of questions marks, he still got nothing in response. With how much she claimed to love him, he couldn’t believe that she wasn’t writing him back. Then he started thinking about how he had sent her a video the other day and still got nothing in response. The idea that she was ignoring him absolutely made him fuming and he couldn’t help it.

“Goddamn it,” Negan tossed his phone aside and paced, reaching for another cigarette. Nothing was going right in his life with those that he loved and he was just fed up with trying.

* * *

“Fucking piece of shit,” Negan slammed his fist against his desk while the computer froze again at work. The last few days Negan had been working really hard to get things together, but the programs they had were complete shit. So what should have only taken an hour was taking forever. “This thing fucking sucks.”

Dropping his head into his palms, he let out a frustrated sound. Maybe it was because of what was going on at work too, but the fact that he was having such a hard time at home with Lucille didn’t help. That was for certain. Everything was so much more overwhelming than he expected it to be. When Lucille called him and asked him to come home, he thought they would be in a better relationship than they actually were in. Negan wanted to have romance again, but Lucille wanted something different all together.

Negan hopped on the idea of getting to work on his relationship with Lucille and he was trying everything, but it was hard to make her budge. No matter what he attempted to do with her, she wasn’t having any of it without having a snap in response to him. So when he’d come to work he already knew that he would be in a bad mood and everything just stressed him out all the more.

Hearing a knock at the partially opened door to his office behind him, Negan groaned and waved his hand in the air dismissively, “Whatever it is, I don’t have time for this right now.”

“I mean I can come back,” a familiar voice pressed in behind him and Negan felt a chill run down his spine. Pulling his chair away from his desk, Negan spun in his chair to see Y/N standing in the doorway to his office. “I just don’t know when I can make the visit again…”

“Hey,” Negan simply breathed, swallowing down hard when he looked up at her. His hazel eyes were big as if surprised that she was there and he grasped tightly to the arms of the chair. If he wasn’t already a hundred percent sure he was awake, Negan would have thought he was dreaming. “What are you doing here?”

“Well…I thought we should talk and I wasn’t sure where else I could talk to you,” she explained stepping into his office and she pointed toward the door. “What do you want me to do with it?”

“Just close and lock it,” Negan answered knowing that he didn’t want anyone to interrupt while they were talking. “How did you get in here?”

“I walked in through the front door and walked around until I found the office,” she stated with a half laugh. “You guys should be more careful with that. Then again, I’m sure they just assumed I was a student.”

“You never texted me back or called me so I figured….” Negan began, unsure of what to say. “Fuck, I thought I would never see you again.”

“Yeah, well…I thought so too,” she explained, moving around his desk to take a seat at the other side of it. Negan turned his chair to face her and his head tilted to the side. “What’s with the suit? I thought you were a physical education teacher.”

“I…am,” Negan replied, looking over his shoulder to see the blazer that was hanging over the back of the chair. Glancing down at his appearance, he looked over the long sleeved dress shirt he was wearing and the tie that was wrapped around his neck. “I’m not usually dressed like this. I just…had a stupid ass meeting and what not. Apparently the way I normally dress is inappropriate and I got lectured. I can dress any way I want when we aren’t having meetings, but otherwise it’s fucking unprofessional.”

“Either way, I like it. It’s very sexy seeing you look all professional,” she winked and Negan felt a chill fill his body at her mentioning him being sexy. There was a silence filtering into his office as she shifted uncomfortably in the chair before his desk. “Listen, we need to talk. Do you have some free time?”

“For you, I can make time,” Negan insisted with a firm nod of his head.

“So the last time I saw you, you pretty much told me that we weren’t meant to be together. You told me that we were a mistake pretty much. Something that was never meant to happen, but did,” she reminded him and Negan let out a saddened breath. His head lowered to look toward his lap and he felt bad for even making her feel that way. There was an upset tone that lingered in her voice knowing that it still clearly bothered her. “It felt like a goodbye. Like there was going to be nothing more between us other than that moment.”

Negan lifted his head, his hazel eyes meeting hers when she reached for her phone to pull up all his messages to hold up, “So I decide to give you space. I decide to give you what you want no matter how hard it was for me. I knew that you weren’t going to be with me and that you had a wife. I came to terms with it, but then you start sending me this stuff…”

“You asked me for it when we were together and I never sent it so I just figured…” Negan stammered, trying to think of something to respond with. There was no good response; he just wanted to talk to her. He wanted her acknowledgement. Originally he thought he would be okay with kicking her out of his life and just stopping cold turkey, but that wasn’t the case. He wanted to be around her. He still wanted her in his life, someway…somehow. “I figured I would send them to you.”

“Okay, but if you want someone who is head over heels in love with you to just leave you alone and forget everything that happened…you can’t torture them like this,” she declared, starting to get emotional as she spoke. “I don’t know what you want from me anymore. Not having you in my life was hard, but I can’t have you keep teasing me and being cruel.”

“I’m not doing it to tease you or to be cruel,” Negan claimed, swiftly getting up from his desk chair to move around the desk. Moving before her, he sat on the edge of the desk right in front of her. Reaching out, he attempted to touch her, but she pulled her face away from him. “Y/N, I miss you. I thought I would be okay with not having you in my life, but I’m not okay with it. Not at all. I just…I wanted to know you were there still thinking of me too or at least…”

“You have no idea how hard it is going from having someone in your life completely to have them totally cut you off Negan,” she informed him with a saddened sound. “You were my everything for so long and you built me up to the point of where I was head over heels in love with you. Then you tell me that you love me too, but you tell me that I can’t be around you anymore.”

“I handled everything very wrong, I know that,” Negan agreed with her trying to refrain from touching her, “I should have talked to you about things. I should have explained my feelings for you long before I did and I should have opened up to you about my wife. Let you make the decision about wanting to be with me. Not trick you into being with me.”

“So what is this now Negan?” she pondered, letting out a sharp exhale when Negan finally reached out to brush a tear away from her face and this time she allowed it. The touch alone caused her eyes to slam shut and she leaned further into the caress of his fingertips over her face. “I can’t have you writing me and sending me things if you want me to stay away from you.”

“I don’t want you to stay away from me,” Negan admitted, watching her eyes come to a slow open. There was confusion over her face and Negan shrugged. “I made a mistake. I don’t want you out of my life. I very much want you in it.”

“But you’re married,” she pointed out and Negan nodded.

“And?” Negan breathed out, swallowing down as he spoke. “I love two women in this world for two very different reasons. You both mean so much to me, but I don’t feel whole without you in my life. You make up half of my heart.”

Y/N’s bottom lip trembled as Negan leaned down, the warmth of his breath pressing in over her face. Negan’s thumb trailed over her lip and it caused her to shudder before him. Trying to read her eyes, Negan brazenly tipped forward to press his lips in over hers. It was a one sided kiss at first, but the longer Negan kissed her, the more open she was to kiss him back. Humming against her lips, Negan felt her reach up to hook her fingertips into his dark hair, pulling on it softly.

“You mean so much to me,” Negan muttered against her lips, kissing her over and over again. Negan managed to pull her up to her feet while his hand slid in over the side of her neck and the other slid in over her hips. Negan teased his tongue in over her lips, flicking softly at her flesh. A whine filled the air and Negan smirked at her response to him. “I don’t want to let you go yet.”

“Hold on,” she gasped, pushing into the center of his chest to get him to fall back against the edge of the table again. Breathless, she tried to gather herself seeing the lust in Negan’s eyes while he looked up at her. Tension spread through her face and she tried to think of what to say. Looking to Negan’s left hand she could still see the ring that was over his finger and it felt like the room was spinning around her. “Negan, do you mean it when you say you love me?”

“Of course I do,” Negan bit firmly into his bottom lip. Negan reached out for her hands and grabbed onto them powerfully. “Everything about you is fucking perfect. I miss our talks at night. I miss waking up with you in my arms. I want to go back to having our conversations…I miss the way you made me feel. I don’t want to be without you in my life.”

Y/N’s eyes searched his before stepping forward to wrap her arms around his shoulders. The force of her lips slamming down upon his was felt and Negan grunted against her mouth. Desperately they kissed each other, both of them trying to take control of the kiss. It was chaotic, but passionate in the way they were both eager to touch each other.

“Wait,” Negan pulled his lips away from hers and his chest was rising and falling. “If you do this, you’re sleeping with me knowing that I’m a married man. I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have. I need you to know that I’m going to be with my wife, but I also want to be with you too.”

“I know,” she swallowed down, reaching out to grab at Negan’s tie to pull him up from the side of the table. Negan wrapped his arms around her waist and tugged her flush against him. Placing her hand over the center of his chest, she looked up into his hazel eyes. Reaching for the buttons in his shirt, she slowly began to pluck them apart revealing Negan’s skin to her sight. Leaning in, she dragged her lips over his revealed flesh and his moan followed. Trailing her lips up his chest and toward the side of his neck, she felt his hands grasp harder to her hips. A groan fell from his throat when she bit at his neck. “Do you love your wife?”

“Yes,” Negan honestly responded making her pull away from his neck. Her eyes met his while he tried think of what to say, but he just felt the need to be honest. Licking his lips, he reached up to cup her face in his hands. “I always will.”

“But you love me too?” she confirmed. It was clear there was a war going on in her head over the fact that he had a wife that he loved, but also over the fact that he claimed to love her too. Negan nodded, alerting her to the fact that yes, he did love her. “Is your wife a good person?”

“I think so,” Negan gulped, not exactly comfortable with talking about Lucille, but he wanted to be as truthful as possible now that their relationship was going in a different direction. “She deserves better than me. You both do.”

“Yet, here I am,” she exhaled before reaching up to pull apart the rest of the buttons on Negan’s shirt. Dragging her palms down Negan’s chest and toward his abdomen made him inhale heavily. Teasing her fingertips through the dark hair that covered his slender torso made her realize all over again how much she truly admired Negan. “Why do I still want to be with you so much after everything?”

“Because you know we’re meant to be together,” Negan grumbled reaching to pick her up in his arms. Negan turned her and placed her on top of his desk. Pushing up the material of the dress she was wearing made him smile when he saw the lingerie that she was wearing was a pair that he had bought her. “And you didn’t come here expecting something to happen? Your panties tell me otherwise.”

“Negan,” she shuddered against him while his fingers reached out to trace over her body through the thin material. A proud, amused sound fell from his throat when he reached to grab a tight hold of her panties. Getting them down her body swiftly, Negan’s eyes never left hers making sure to keep them connected while he did it. The pounding of her heart continued inside of her chest when she heard the sound of Negan pulling his belt apart. The clanking of the belt filled the air and she swallowed down when his zipper being pulled down didn’t follow long after.

“Come here,” Negan growled pulling her firmly to the edge of the desk. Licking his lips, Negan allowed the material of his pants to fall to his ankles and he smiled brightly. A wince fell from her lips when Negan snapped his hips forward. His thick length filled her in one fluid motion making her head fall back. The sound of Negan moaning from the action made her shake against him and she looked to see him closing his eyes. Staying still after entering her, Negan took the time to experience the feeling of her tight body surrounding him again. “Fuck…I forgot how fucking tight you were.”

Negan lowered his head against the side of her neck and nestled his nose against her skin. After a moment, his hips began to buck up against her again and again. Her arms hooked tightly around his shoulders and his forehead rest against hers, "I love your tight little pussy, you know that?" 

"Negan," she whimpered with each thrust forward he made into her. It took Negan no time to get back into the rhythm of things. There was no holding out on things with Negan’s pounding up against her. The tip of his cock was rubbing up against her g-spot in all the right ways and she could feel her body tingling. She was shaking already and Negan sensed the way her body was tensing up. Smirking, he rocked his hips up to her again and again, keeping up the same tempo until she cried out his name and his lips met hers to keep her somewhat muted in his office. Negan lowered his head to watch as her thighs shook from him clearly getting her to an orgasm to fast. Arrogance spread throughout his face at how proud he truly was from getting her to cum. "Did you miss Negan's big cock? Huh?" 

"Just fuck me," she begged and Negan smirked before moving back in over her. He lowered her back against the desk and laid in over her while he braced himself. The sounds of their skin smacking filled the air and she bit down firmly on her bottom lip. "Kiss me." 

"Yes ma'am," Negan obeyed lowering down to tease his tongue over her bottom lip causing her to cry out. Parting her lips, she allowed him entry and his tongue twisted with hers, fighting for a power between them. The sensation of her legs wrapping around his waist was felt and Negan hummed against her skin. “I’m gonna cum soon.”

“Keep going,” she urged him, meeting him in another desperate kiss. Negan winced and pulled his mouth away to look down between. Negan watched his body pistoning inside of her and felt the muscles in his abdomen flexing. Lifting his head back up, Negan reached to grab a firm hold of her face so he could stare into her eyes while they did this. “Wait…”

“What’s wrong?” Negan grimaced, pausing all of his movements inside of her making her cry out from the lack of friction. The stagnant feeling caused his body to ache, but he didn’t know if she wanted him to stop. “Is everything okay?”

“It’s nothing,” she shook her head and Negan gave her a worried glance. “Just cum inside of me.”

“Yes ma’am,” Negan grunted with a laugh. Starting back up again, Negan’s thrusts were rough and steady causing her to toss her head back. Negan licked his lips and glanced down again to see her arousal coating his cock. Heavy breaths and whimpers were falling from her lips and Negan’s cocky smile expanded over his handsome features.

“Fuck…Negan…” she cried out while he continued to plow into her.

"I love you," he whispered against her lips while she felt his hips moving faster and she gasped for air. The warmth flooding her body felt amazing and Negan was certainly doing his best to get her worked up while he had his way with her on top of his desk. Negan’s palm wrapped around her throat and she whined against the pressure of it. God she missed him so much. When his orgasm began, she could feel him bucking harder against her while he emptied himself deep within her with line after line of cum. "Are you close?" 

Nodding, she felt him pick up the pace inside of her and the sloshing sounds filled the air. He continued to push his hips forward before she fell into the temptation all over again and tossed her head back. Negan fell over her and let out a long groan making her laugh when he bit at her neck. Shaking against Negan, her body continued to contract around his and his moans vibrated against her neck.

"Fuck! I missed this," Negan felt her fingertips tugging through his short hair. Her palm slid down over the side of his face and teased through his short beard making him pull back enough to look into her eyes. “You always feel so fucking incredible.”

“I love you,” she purred while Negan smiled down at her. Negan reached up to trace his thumb over her bottom lip and he nodded.

“I love you too,” he whispered with a wink. “So much.”

Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she pulled him in close and caressed her hand over the back of his neck. There was a sense of guilt that flooded her body knowing that Negan was married. While she knew that, she still wanted to be with Negan. With him telling her that he loved her, it was hard to turn him down.

They laid there for a few moments wrapped up in each other until Negan helped her up and aided in cleaning her up. Negan was pulling his pants together while she pulled her panties back up her body.

“So what now?” she sighed knowing that whatever came next in their relationship was going to be confusing. Fixing the dress that she was wearing, Negan dragged his feet along when he reached out to grab a hold of her. “What happens with us?”

“Well…if you are okay with it, I’d really like to keep seeing you,” Negan answered with a growl while he kissed against the side of her neck.

“How does that work with you being married?” she caressed up and over his shoulders while Negan continued to kiss against her skin.

“Lucille works nights and long hours,” Negan informed her and she felt her chest ache at hearing his wife’s name for the first time. Negan lifted his head and he gave her a distraught expression. “What is it?”

“I never knew her name,” Y/N responded, reaching out to caress over the side of Negan’s face. Taking the time to stare upon Negan’s rugged features, she found herself completely jealous of Lucille. “Lucille is a lucky lady.”

“Why is that?” Negan snickered.

“Because she gets to be married to you,” she replied and Negan made a dramatic expression. “What?”

“Marriage isn’t exactly what you think it is. Dating someone is so much more fun,” Negan informed her with a long sigh. “Marriage is worrying about bills, fighting over who has to do what and just…avoiding each other when you are living in the same house.”

“But you are hers,” she reminded him with a sad look behind her eyes.

“And I’m yours too,” Negan insisted with a firm tone. “You both have half of my heart. I want to be with you and I love her too. I can’t help that I’m in love with two people. Sometimes that just happens. You…you are just so special.”

Looking to Negan’s desk, she saw a photo of Negan with a woman on top of it and reached out to grab it. Negan tilted his head to the side while she surveyed it over, “Is this her?”

“Yeah,” Negan reached for the photo and set it back down. “Let’s make our life and my life with her two separate things.”

“Okay,” she agreed while Negan cupped her face in his hands. “She’s really beautiful though.”

“She is,” Negan agreed, brushing her hair out of her face. “But so are you.”

“Yeah,” she scoffed, not sure knowing whether to agree with him or not. Gazing out at Negan, she thought back to what he said about them still seeing each other. “So are you just going to text me when you are free or…?”

“Yeah, we’ll do that,” Negan agreed. “We can get together and see each other when she’s at work. Spend time together when we are both free. Are you okay with that?”

“I think so,” she didn’t know how to answer, but with Negan before her and leaning in to kiss her there was no other answer she could think of. “Are you safe with your phone?”

“Of course I am,” Negan snorted, pulling away from their kissing. “Trust me. We’re good. We’ll be good.”

“I trust you,” she stated with a sigh, leaning forward to rest her head against the center of his chest. It was nice to finally have the warmth of him in her arms. It may have made her pathetic, but she wasn’t ready to let go of Negan. Not yet at least. “So how do we do this?”

“We’ll just have to work around our schedules,” Negan answered, cupping her face in his hands firmly. Negan’s thumbs caressed over her features and a smile spread over his face.

“Does this make me an awful person?” she whispered and Negan hushed her when he could see that she was upset. “I mean, I’m an awful person for still wanting to be with you, aren’t I?”

“No…no,” Negan denied her claim, brushing her hair behind her ear while trying to get her to focus on him instead of her dark thoughts. “You can’t help who you love.”

“But you’re married…” she tried to reason and Negan moved in closer to her, his hazel eyes hooked on hers. “I’m in love with a married man and I still want to be with him. That makes me bad.”

“You fell in love with me not knowing I was married so your feelings are innocent,” Negan reached out to swipe his thumb in over her bottom lip making a trembling breath fall from her throat. “If anything, I’m the bad one. You tried breaking things off and I wouldn’t let you.”

“Are you…going to be sleeping around like you were when you first showed up at our house?” her head was spinning wondering if she would be the only other one or if he was just going to keep sleeping around in general. “I don’t know if I could take knowing that you are sleeping around with a bunch of women.”

“It’s just you and her,” Negan snorted, desperately trying to convince her that things were going to be okay. “Every moment that I’m not with her, I’m going to be trying to spend with you. I don’t have time for anything else.”

“Why do you love me? I mean you have a wife that is beautiful and you seem to really love her,” she began to ramble and Negan cupped her face in his hands confidently. Negan wanted her eyes hooked on his and he hushed her.

“Yes, I love my wife. I’m not going to lie about that with you. I’ve been with my wife since I was a kid myself, but…you bring out something different in me,” Negan answered, leaning down to press his forehead against hers. “You’ve awakened something inside of me that I haven’t felt in a very long time. Hell, I don’t know if I’ve ever felt the way I do when I’m with you. I know it makes things hard for you and I know it will be an adjustment, but I can’t let you go. I can’t let go of the way you make me feel…the way I feel when I’m with you.”

“But you love me?” she repeated and Negan laughed.

“Of course I love you,” Negan tipped in to press a soft kiss over her lips. “You’re perfect. You are everything I’ve been missing in my life. I haven’t been in a relationship where I can just talk to the person and not have them get annoyed with me. We have fun with each other and while yes, we have certain kinds of fun…we are able to still hang out and enjoy each other’s company. We don’t want to kill each other. You’re sweet and just so fucking perfect.”

“I am what you made me Negan,” she reminded him of how much he had changed who she was before he had left. “Is it me that you love or who I became?”

“Of course it’s you that I’m in love with,” Negan slid his fingertips down the side of her face and he brushed his long fingers into her hair. “Part of what makes you so amazing is your willingness to learn and make me happy while still being yourself.”

There wasn’t much she could say, she just nodded. She knew that her heart belonged to Negan and there was no changing that. During the period that they were apart she was completely depressed and upset. There was something missing inside of her without Negan in her life and when he kept texting her, it didn’t help. Being reminded of what she felt for him with all of his messages just made things so much harder for her. It was impossible for her to turn away from Negan and she knew that likely made her a bad person, but she was truly in love with Negan.

“Now you know that you’re mine, right?” Negan slurred, pulling her into a kiss and nipped at her bottom lip. It caused her to purr against the motion while he possessively grabbed a tight hold of her hips. “No one else, all of you…it belongs to me. Right?”

Swallowing, she nodded and felt his hand grab a firm hold her jaw, forcing her to look at him, “Tell me that you’re mine.”

“I’m yours,” she promised noticing the seriousness in Negan’s eyes before a wide smirk cracked in over his handsome features. “Just yours.”

“Good,” Negan licked his lips and pulled away from her, brushing his hands into his dark hair to slick it back. “You have no idea how fucking happy I am that you came here Y/N. I’ve really missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” she whispered, taking a look around Negan’s office. “I guess I should let you get back to work.”

“Sounds good,” Negan moved across the office and grabbed a tight hold of her hands, squeezing them firmly. “You’ll be hearing from me soon. Okay?”

“Yeah,” she swallowed down, seemingly nervous when he stepped forward to press another soft, lingering kiss over her lips to draw her in further to him.

“I love you,” Negan hummed against her flesh and winked when he pulled away. “So much.”

* * *

Pulling into the garage after work, Negan looked to the door that led to the house and he knew that Lucille would be waiting for him inside. On his way home from work he had thought about how he would have to make a dash for the laundry room to quickly change his clothes just in case he smelled like Y/N. He had already smoked several cigarettes and chewed multiple pieces of gum to try and make sure that the taste of her was hidden. Negan straightened his appearance in the rearview mirror before grabbing his things.

Moving into the house, he carefully made his way down the stairs into the basement to the laundry room. Negan quickly stripped out of his clothes and tossed them in the wash machine before grabbing something that was already in the dryer that he had yet to taken out yet. Pulling on a white t-shirt and some sweatpants, Negan quickly made his way back upstairs and toward the kitchen. Thankful, he hadn’t heard or run into Lucille yet while he started to gather some things for dinner.

“I thought I heard you,” Negan looked over his shoulder from where he was standing in front of the refrigerator to see Lucille moving into the kitchen and he swallowed down. “You couldn’t wait to get out of that suit, huh?”

“Hell, you know I hate those monkey suits,” Negan explained with a deep grumble, watching her look down at her feet. There was a flushing in Lucille’s cheeks and he cleared his throat uneasily. “I thought you would be sleeping?”

“I took tonight off,” she answered and Negan’s eyebrows perked up and he nodded. “I thought about the things you said the other night Negan and I was hoping…we could talk.”

“Oh?” Negan closed the door to the refrigerator and turned to face her. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Would you come here?” she reached her hand out for him and Negan looked it over before nodding. Accepting her hand, Negan followed Lucille into the living room and he felt her urging him to take a seat on their couch. Negan’s eyes were looking up at her while she paced before him. “I know I haven’t been easy to talk to.”

Not saying a thing, Negan nodded. If there was one thing he learned, he knew he shouldn’t agree with the negative things that Lucille said about herself. He didn’t want another fight and he was worried that if he agreed with her, that’s what he would get.

“I have a problem with holding grudges Negan and I know that’s on me. I’m not saying everything is my fault, but I’ve been very angry with you,” Lucille admitted and Negan pulled himself further back on the couch while giving her his full attention. “I don’t know what it is, but lately I just have been feeling really run down. Maybe it’s because of work and all the stress or maybe the hours. I’m getting older and it’s getting to me possibly.”

“You have more energy than I’ve ever seen in anyone,” Negan tried to convince her and she held her hands up in the air to silence him.

“My point is that I know I haven’t been really fair to you with working on us,” Lucille stated with a long sigh. “I’m the one that asked you to leave and you did. I’m also the one that asked you to come back and you did. You clearly want to work on us and I’m sorry that I keep bringing things up when I shouldn’t. I realize I’m making things hard.”

“Lucille,” Negan gulped, realizing that she was apologizing to him and he felt a sudden sense of guilt inside of him. With what he had done at work today with Y/N, he knew that he shouldn’t be allowing her to apologize like this when he in fact did something awful. “You don’t have to apologize to me, I know what I’ve done and you have every reason to be upset with me.”

“But I can’t expect to fix things if I don’t give you a chance,” Lucille brushed her thick, dark hair over her shoulder and Negan shifted in his seat. “So I’m going to give you a chance. If you really want to fix us, I will do my best to put things behind me.”

“Yeah?” Negan’s jaw flexed, he didn’t know what to say. “So you want to work on us?”

“I do,” Lucille moved across the room and reached out to trace over the side of Negan’s face. Lifting up enough, Negan arched into her caress and closed his eyes. “Even after everything, I love you Negan. I really do.”

“I love you too,” Negan reached up to grab a hold of her hand that was pressed against his cheek. Pulling it from his face, he placed a kiss over the back of her hand and his hazel eyes were hooked on hers. “What’s with the sudden change of heart?”

“I was just thinking about how things used to be,” she informed him, stepping forward and Negan let out a tense breath when she moved in over his lap. Nervously, Negan placed his hands in over her hips while was over him on her knees. Her arms hooked around his neck and Negan took in a sharp breath. “You were my world for so long…and now you’re pretty much all I have.”

“Right,” Negan took in a sharp breath when her fingers grasped tightly to his thick hair. “And you will always have me.”

“I know. So if you want to start going to therapy and work on us, I’ll try to make it work for you baby,” Lucille tipped down starting to press kisses over Negan’s jawline and a whimper fell from his throat. The fear that he had yet to take a shower after being with Y/N flooded his mind and he pulled himself slowly away from Lucille. There was confusion in her eyes when he did it and Negan shifted before her. “Is something wrong?”

“I just…I don’t want you to think our relationship is only sex,” Negan lied, damning himself that she did this now and he reached out to brush her hair away from her face. Tugging her in closer to him, Negan made sure her eyes were connected with his. “I want us to be comfortable with each other again before we even go down that road again. I want you to be comfortable having a conversation with me before we go straight into sex. I’m fucking ecstatic that you want to even begin to start working on us again Lucille. That makes me so fucking happy.”

“It’s really okay,” Lucille suggested pulling herself in closer to the center of Negan’s lap and his hands palmed up the lower part of her back. “I know you’ve been trying and…”

“I need to think about what makes you happy too baby,” Negan insisted knowing that he was trying to backtrack because of his guilt. In most cases he would have never turned her down, but he kept thinking about what had happened at work with Y/N and he didn’t want to do this. Not when he had just had sex with Y/N without taking a shower afterward. “I just want to make you happy. I want us to be happy.”

“How do you suggest we do that?” Lucille snickered, finding herself confused with Negan’s reaction to her offering herself to him.

“Want to go for a ride in my mustang?” Negan suggested, his brow lifting when he looked up at her with his big eyes. Lucille rolled her eyes and Negan snickered at her response. “Come on, I think you are afraid that you might actually like it. You’ve been such a tight ass about it that you are afraid you just might like it.”

“Would that make you happy if we went for a ride in your car?” Lucille played with the curls of hair at the bottom of Negan’s neck and he nodded. “If that will make you happy, then yes, we can do that.”

“Awesome. I’ll put the stuff away in the kitchen and then get a shower in,” Negan planned out their night together and he reached up to cup her face in his hands again. “Then we can go for a ride and pick something up to eat. Sound good?”

“It will give me time to get ready,” Lucille agreed to his plans, tipping down to press a loving kiss over Negan’s lips. “I love you Negan.”

“I love you too Lucille,” Negan breathed against her lips and felt her pull herself from his lap. Negan watched as she walked back up the stairs to clearly get ready. A relieved breath escaped his lungs and he lowered his head into his hands.

Suddenly he began to feel very guilty about what had gone down today. Negan never saw Lucille willing to take chance on working on their relationship, so he was super eager to jump into being with Y/N again. Now that Lucille came to him like this, he almost regretted letting happen what he did. Looking over his shoulders, he clutched his hands at his side and got up slowly. He was just grateful that he was able to hold her off long enough for him to get in a shower and get rid of any previous evidence on him.

* * *

“I don’t know why you keep looking at that phone girl,” Y/N heard the sound of her dorm mate mocking her from the other side of the room. Lifting her head, she saw her dorm mate Alexis staring out at her with an expecting glance. “You have denied going out with me for days now. Tonight there is a big party that I’m going to and you are still going to stay here hoping that guy calls you?”

Suddenly Y/N regretted telling her dorm mate about Negan late one night when they were talking. Alexis had been giving her so much trouble about not hanging out with her that Y/N had just erupted talking about Negan without giving many details about him. There was a sense of comfort in telling someone who was a stranger to the situation and being able to get things off her chest, but it was clear her new friend had been judging her on it. It had been days since she had seen Negan in his office and she was starting to feel weird about things.

“You’re just the booty call,” Alexis stammered from across the room, closing her books that were on top of her desk. “He will only come around when his wife is busy and he wants to get laid.”

“That’s not how our relationship is,” Y/N refused the comment and Alexis rolled her eyes. “I know it sounds like it is that way, but what we have is…”

“Special?” Alexis filled in the word that Y/N was clearly going to say next. “I don’t see why you can’t just come out with me tonight. You’ve missed out on so many things waiting for this guy.”

“I’ve gotten to study and work on…things,” Y/N stated with a firm sound, flicking through her phone. The urge to write Negan was strong, but she didn’t know if and when his wife was around. She didn’t want him to get in trouble so she just waited for him to be the first person to say something. “He’s not the only reason I don’t go.”

“You know you might actually enjoy yourself if you came to the party with me,” Alexis pointed out, standing up from the chair. “You might actually find someone who isn’t married and you won’t be their side chick.”

“I regret telling you about Negan,” Y/N lowered her head into her hands and let out a frustrated sound.

“No, you were glad to be able to tell someone. You just don’t like me being honest with you about reality,” Alexis snorted, getting up from the chair. There was a knock on the door and Alexis looked over her shoulder. “Seriously, you are more likely to find a boy here that will make you happy than this guy will.”

“You know I’m not going to change my mind,” Y/N frowned from where she was laying in the center of her bed. “I know how I feel about Negan.”

“Either way…” Alexis opened the door seeing someone standing in front of her with a dozen roses in his hands. “Oh, hello.”

“Is there a Y/N here?” the man looked between the two of them waiting for one of them to speak up.

“That’s her,” Alexis pointed toward her and Y/N stood up from the bed to move out to grab a hold of the roses. “What’s the occasion?”

“I don’t know,” Y/N looked to the flowers to see that there was no card with them. “Is this a joke?”

“You think I would waste money on roses for you?” Alexis snickered making Y/N roll her eyes and laugh. Alexis went to close the door and the deliveryman cleared his throat. “Yes?”

“I’m not done yet,” the man explained and he came back with several bundled groups of roses. “Where would you like me to put these?”

“On the desk I guess,” Y/N answered catching the look that Alexis was giving her. When the deliveryman was done, Alexis closed the door and moved in beside Y/N to look at the flowers. “Still no card.”

There was another knock at the door and Alexis let out a frustrated sound, “That’s probably the set with the card attached.”

Y/N looked through the flowers and heard Alexis opening the door letting out a shocked sound, “I think this one is for you.”

“What?” Y/N turned on her heel and saw Negan standing in the doorway, leaning against it. There was a single rose in his hand and she smiled.

Moving across the room, Y/N moved up to jump into Negan’s arms hearing him laugh when he picked her up and spun her in the hallway, “How did you get in here?”

“I had to bribe a few people, but I’m here,” Negan carefully set her back down on the ground and handed her over the rose. “I brought you this, but I just saw this guy arriving with a ton of roses. Are you seeing someone I don’t know about?”

“Oh, shut up,” she giggled reaching out to hit him in the chest and Negan snorted when she did it. Negan’s finger slid in underneath her chin to urge her to look up at him. Dipping down, his lips slowly descended over hers to kiss her over and over again. The sound of Alexis clearing her throat was heard and Y/N pulled away from Negan’s kiss with a laugh. “That’s Alexis.”

“Pleasure to meet you Alexis,” Negan winked moving into the dorm room with Y/N. Alexis just smiled and pulled her hand up to wave at Negan. “Sorry about showing up like this out of nowhere, but I just wanted to surprise my girl.”

“Oh, you surprised her alright,” Alexis chuckled and Negan gave her an odd expression before looking to Y/N with a questionable look. “You both probably want to have time together, so I’m just going to…leave early.”

“It was nice meeting you,” Negan called out as Alexis reached for her things. As soon as she was out of the room, Negan felt Y/N hop up to wrap her arms around his neck to pull him in closer for a rough, sloppy kiss and Negan growled into her mouth. Managing to get his leather jacket down his arms, Negan dropped it on the floor and urged her back toward her bed on the side of her room. “I missed you too baby.”

Before she knew it, Negan was over her with half of her clothes off. Negan’s pants were at the bottom of his hips and they had fallen back into what they had done so many times before. It was a desperate moment between the two of them, both of them eager to be able to touch and fall into each other again.

The sound of Negan’s moans filled the air while his hips bucked up against hers and she desperately clung to his hair. His kisses were rough and he desperate to have her close to him while they had sex. Even after they were done, Negan was eager to keep her close to him and she wasn’t eager to push him away.

“Jesus,” Negan breathed against her lips. His heart was pounding inside of his chest as he lowered down in over her and felt her arms hooked around his neck. “You were that excited to see me, huh?”

“The roses got me. Alexis was filling my head with stupid thoughts and to have you come through and do this with the flowers…” Y/N tugged her fingertips through his hair and heard him grunt against her. “It was just perfect…”

“What was she saying?” Negan groaned, pulling his hips back and he laid in beside her on the smaller bed. Pulling his pants up, he started to buckle them together and saw the way her eyes looked him over. “What?”

“She told me that I was just a booty call and you would only contact me when you were horny,” she swallowed down realizing how bad that must have been after the two of them had just had sex. “So the flowers…”

“You are not just a booty call,” Negan snickered and reached out to urge Y/N in closer to him so he could kiss her. “We do appreciate each other’s bodies in a very special way, but that doesn’t mean that’s all you are to me.”

“I love you,” she crawled in over his chest and met him in a slow, drawn out kiss. “I’m surprised you could do all of this.”

“You’d be surprised what people are willing to do for a few bucks,” Negan informed her with a wink and he frowned. “I never saw you as the type to stay in a dorm. Don’t you want to stay in an apartment or something?”

“I would rather that,” she answered with a nod, managing to get some of her clothes back on. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she felt Negan move in behind her to press slow, gentle kisses over the side of her neck. “Trust me; it would be so much more personal.”

“Then do it,” Negan suggested with a hum before biting at her flesh. It was enough to leave a mark there and she knew he was doing it on purpose. Negan always liked leaving marks on her to prove that she was his. 

“With what money?” she laughed feeling Negan’s mouth continue to trail up and over her jawline.

“Your parents are paying for this, I’m sure they would much rather you in a place that is your own. Especially if they think you are in danger and shit,” Negan answered, turning her to face him on the bed. “You should think about it. I think it would be good for you to get to be on your own for a while.”

“Yeah?” she swallowed and Negan nodded. “So what are you up to tonight?”

“I was wondering if you want to go get a burger or something and then hang out for a while?” Negan offered and she nodded. “I thought you might like that.”

“Are you sure you can?” she muttered and Negan winked when he stood from the bed and reached out for her hand.

“Absolutely,” Negan pulled Y/N up from the bed and led her out of the dorm room after she had gotten ready. While he knew that it was wrong to live two separate lives with two different women, he simply didn’t care. Guilt often overtook him when he was with Lucille, but he was certain that he would be able to juggle both lives and that’s exactly what he planned to do.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader/OC has to deal with the negative reaction that her relationship with Negan causes on other people. Negan does his best to make her happy, but at the same time can only do so much with the time that he has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone that reads this story! I appreciate it. As always, somehow I find myself editing these things late at night, so I probably have done a really poor job. Sending you guys all my love!

“Fuck,” Negan groaned, throwing his head back when he felt Y/N fall in over his chest on the small bed in her dorm room. Darkness surrounded them; his chest was rising and falling heavily. The pounding of his heart was felt inside of his chest and he dug his fingers further into Y/N’s hips hearing her whimper in his ear. Taking a moment to catch his breath, Negan felt Y/N kissing over the side of his neck while her fingers tugged throughout his thick, dark hair. “Do you think we were quiet enough?”

“No,” Alexis’ voice spoke up and Negan lifted his head to see the small light next to her bed being flicked on and Negan helped to aid in pulling the covers in over them. “Listen…I get the two of you want to be with each other and I’m all for that, but this is getting to be a bit much.”

“I’m sorry,” Y/N responded with a groan and Negan saw her covering her face almost in embarrassment. Negan was more so amused and he looked to Alexis who was sitting up in her bed.

“I mean you’re hot Negan so a lot of nights it works for me, but…some days I do have important tests in the morning and I need to sleep,” Alexis explained and Negan’s thick eyebrows perked up. “Have you guys thought about getting a hotel room or something?”

“I mean there is that…but that shit could get expensive,” Negan began to explain and Y/N reached across to cover Negan’s mouth. Negan snickered against her palm and Y/N slid in closer to him on the bed to keep him quiet.

“We’re done, we’ll talk about this tomorrow morning. I’m sorry,” Y/N apologized and Alexis reached for her headphones to put them in. When the light turned off, Negan started laughing deeply and she poked him in the chest. “It’s not funny.”

“It’s kind of funny,” Negan began to rebuttal, “This is what I mean. You need to tell your parents that you want to live somewhere else. Say that you and your dorm mate aren’t working out. Or say that someone is breaking into dorm rooms. I know your mother…she will fucking freak and they will allow you to live in an apartment or something.”

“I’m pretty sure they won’t go for it,” she stressed and looked across the room to make sure that Alexis was facing the other way when she reached for her clothes that had been discarded beside the bed. Negan smirked when she pulled them back on while he laid beside her. “Plus I like Alexis.”

“I know, but this whole having sex in this small ass bed in this less than private dorm room or fucking in my car just hasn’t really been that much fun,” Negan griped, pulling the sheets up to the center of his chest while she got comfortable beside him. “I love being here with you and being with you…I do, but if we are going to keep doing this I think you need to have your own place.”

“With the amount of money my parents might give me…I’m not sure it would be so great,” she thought about the amount they were paying for the dorm room. “I know you like nice things.”

“I just want to have private time with you. I like being with you more than I like nice things,” Negan slurred, reaching out to firmly curl his arm around her waist to pull her in closer to him. “While yes this has been very…adventurous, I think we would do better if we could have a place that was…yours.”

Negan had been coming to see her several times a week and he wasn’t wrong, it was getting a bit uncomfortable being stuck in the dorm room where anyone could have caught them. Something that was hers would be better than this, but it was all about getting her parents to agree since she hadn’t gotten herself a job yet.

“You know I love you, right?” Negan hummed, leaning forward to brush his lips against hers and she let out a long sigh. The tickle of his short beard against her skin caused her to smile against his lips. There was nothing she liked hearing more than Negan telling her that he loved her. It made everything that was wrong in that moment feel right again.

“I do,” she replied, grasping firmly to Negan’s hair. A growl vibrated against the side of her neck before Negan nipped playfully against her flesh.

“This is why you should listen to me. I’ll help come up with a good excuse for you to give your parents and as long as you play it out the way I tell you, I guarantee they will agree to getting a place for you,” Negan pressed and brushed her hair out of her face. Pulling back slowly, Negan’s eyes searched hers for a moment before he smiled.

And like that, Y/N found herself agreeing to everything. With Negan’s arms wrapped around her, she felt like everything was right in the world and she would do whatever it took to keep him happy. If he wanted her to find a place for herself, that was exactly what she was going to do.

A few days later during her college writing course, most of her attention had been on her phone while Negan kept writing her and sending her listings for apartments. Her mother had agreed to go apartment shopping with her after her class and Negan was giving her some suggestions. Negan was right, as soon as she had fed the bullshit to her mother; her parents had agreed quickly to move her out of the dorms. It was surprising how Negan knew exactly what to say to make her parents do what he wanted. Not even she could pull something like that off. Negan knew how to play people and he knew how to do it well. It was just surprising that it worked so quickly.

While the professor was lecturing, she found herself looking down toward her lap to look over Negan’s texts and when the class was over most of the students had emptied out of the room. Reaching for her things, the sound of a throat clearing was heard and she looked up to see her professor standing in front of her.

“Can I make the suggestion that if you are going to be on your cellphone the entire time…maybe you should take a seat at the back of the room instead of the front where I can easily see what you are doing,” her professor’s thick, southern drawl pulled her to lift her head up to meet his bright hazel eyes. It was the first time she had gotten a really good look up close at her professor and his hazel eyes reminded her much of Negan’s, but they had a lot more green to them. “Let me guess, this was a class that you had to take to get your degree?”

“No…no this is a class I wanted to take,” she quickly responded and he reached up to caress over his salt and pepper colored beard. The professor’s eyes got wide and he nodded before moving back toward his desk. The reaction he gave made it seem very much like he didn’t believe her. Standing up from her seat, she grabbed her things and thought of leaving before back stepping and moving down the first stair that led to the front of the class room. Embarrassment flooded over her that she had been caught and that he had called her out on it. It was someone she actually respected and the last thing she wanted him to think was that his class meant nothing to her. “I’m sorry Professor Baker. I’m just going apartment shopping today and my mind was distracted. I swear I won’t let it happen again.”

“Mhmm…I see,” he turned around to stare out at her, folding his arms in front of his chest. The look he was giving her with his fierce stare was making her uncomfortable and she grasped tightly to the strap of her backpack. Looking him over, he was dressed very unconventional for what she pictured most professors to dress like. He was wearing a pair of old jeans and a button down, plaid shirt that had the first two buttons undone at the top. His dark hair was a bit messy and if she was tired, she could easily find herself thinking he was related to Negan because they had a few similarities. The silence between them made her nervous and she went to leave before hearing his deep voice speak up again. “The name is Joel. Mr. Baker was my father.”

Looking over her shoulder, she nodded and pointed to herself, “Y/N.”

“I know who you are,” Joel snickered, giving her a final glance before turning back to his desk. “Next time I would suggest waiting until after class to look at your phone.”

“I’m really sorry sir…uh…Joel,” she corrected herself and felt her phone buzzing in her pocket again. “I really do want to be in this class and I swear I enjoy it. I’ve learned a lot and this is one of my favorite classes.”

“Now you’re just kissing my ass,” Joel started packing up his bag while they were alone together in the large classroom.

“No, I really mean it. I read one of your books and this was a course I just…I wanted to take,” she explained, thinking back to how excited she had been to actually pick this class. “I’m very thankful I get to be in it. I want to be able to possibly be as good as you one day. I really think you are a phenomenal writer and I would love to learn from you.”

“This is in an intro class Miss Y/N,” Joel finished gathering his things and he looked over his shoulder at her. “Get through this course and then we will see how much you truly want to be here. Just know that you aren’t going to be learning things when your face is buried in your cellphone.”

“Listen, I’m sure you have to get home to your wife and I’m sorry…” she continued to try and apologize as Joel moved around her to start heading up the steps of the classroom. She attempted to follow him and he turned on his heel.

“Or husband,” Joel corrected her and she let out a long breath. “What happened to your generation being progressive?”

“I’m sorry, I just…” she found herself at a loss while stammering to come up with something to say and Joel’s serious expression broke when he started laughing.

“I’m screwing with you, I’m not married,” Joel motioned her to follow him up the stairs and he stopped at the top. “Listen, apologize once and be over with it. You made it clear you were sorry, the more you apologize the more desperate you become. If you want to learn something from me…learn this…if someone can’t accept your apology after the first time, stop trying because they aren’t going to take it the second, third or fourth time. It’s not worth it to keep apologizing.”

“I’m sorry,” she exhaled and his laugh followed. “I mean I’m sorr…”

“You’re fine, just stop saying sorry and next time just keep the phone away,” Joel interrupted her. “Now if you will excuse me, I have to close up the classroom and get to my next job.”

“No problem,” she found herself wanting to say more, but she didn’t. She just left the room and glanced over her shoulder at him as he closed up. Standing in the hallway, she began walking and noticed they were walking in the same direction which made it twice as awkward.

“This is getting weird, either you have to walk ahead of me or behind me because now I’m feeling like a creep,” Joel announced, stopping in the hallway to draw attention to the tension that was between the two of them. “Or at least talk because this awkward silence is merely that.”

“I’m…” she felt her cheeks blushing over and she heard his deep rumble of a laugh again.

“Sorry, I know,” he snorted and started walking again. She followed beside him and he sighed heavily. “Which book did you read by the way? You said you read my book. Or was that just bullshit to try and dig yourself out of the hole?”

“Truthfully? All of them,” she answered and there was a doubtful look in his eyes when her cheeks blushed over. That was something she had loved to do was read and before Negan, she found herself often buried in books. It was why she chose to take this class. She actually admired Joel Baker the writer and she wanted to take his class knowing that she loved the stories that he was capable of telling. Hopefully he hadn’t thought of her as a stalker or something along those lines, but the idea that someone who wrote some of her favorite novels could teach her had really excited her. “No, I’m serious. I’m a sucker for a thriller.”

“And not a romance?” Joel spoke up making her let out a disgusted sound.

“Look who isn’t being the progressive one now,” she muttered under her breath and he let out an amused sound. “So just because I’m a girl you think that I like romance novels?”

“Everyone likes romance novels…” Joel retorted with a snort, “Some of us like the tragic romances, others like the sex filled smutty romance novels…I mean if you talk to anyone you are going to find someone who likes that kind of shit. People are always looking for a happy ending…or their version of a happy ending, whatever that may be.”

“If everyone likes romance novels then why do you often kill off the romantic hero in your stories?” she called him out on his response to her and he made an impressed expression when she said it.

“Well I said everyone liked romance stories. I’m just not everyone,” Joel answered with a wink and when they made it out of the building, he sighed. “You have to have some kind of shock in stories. What does it say about you if you like my stories?”

“That I’m dark and twisted?” she teased making him chuckle.

“Are you saying that my books are dark and twisted?” he snorted in response making her heart quicken a bit because she didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing to say to the writer she actually admired.

“Kind of, yeah…” she admitted and his smile expanded over his features. “You’re good with emotions and feelings. Not a lot of people can get that kind of stuff out there. I feel the pain your characters go through. I often walk away from your books feeling…”

“Miserable?” Joel filled in and she shrugged. “One day I’ll write a happy ending.”

“Damn, I thought you were going to say that you would write a romance novel,” she taunted him playfully making him laugh. “That would be interesting to see.”

“Romance novels have troubles conveying the consequences of what relationships are actually like,” Joel explained with a deep sigh. “They are all happy endings or endless fucking. We don’t see the pain and anguish that people go through. Or what the aftermath of the relationship is like. We get the happy ending, or the big screw, but what happens afterwards?”

“A part two?” her eyebrow perked up and he snorted.

“Not most of the time. We just get the sex scene everyone has longed for or the marriage proposal,” Joel made a disgusted sound after he blurt out his statement. It was almost amusing how much he hated romance novels. 

“Some people like that kind of thing,” she chuckled at his blatant response.

“Then people don’t know the real meaning of romance and love,” Joel grumbled while they continued to walk. It almost felt like they were walking purposely at a slower pace so they could have their conversation. “They just aren’t realistic. You never see the fighting or the pain. It lacks the loss that takes place or the obstacles that people have to overcome to make a relationship work.”

“No, you are absolutely right,” she agreed with a long sigh, thinking about how she had found Negan and thought everything was perfect at first. “Real life isn’t like romance novels. You never are going to find prince charming and find happily ever after. What you think is perfect ends up being the man of your dreams, but he’s already married.”

“And what the hell do you know about that? You’re too young for that shit,” Joel stopped walking and gave her a glare. “The biggest heartbreak you should feel is your high school boyfriend dumping you because he’s going off to another college.”

“Sorry to ruin my image of me to you professor,” she half laughed thinking he was kidding, but the look he gave her actually showed the disgust he truly had for her response. “I mean we all have different stories, right? What about you?”

“Nah, this is too much for me. I always enjoy a good conversation. You want to bring a book to my attention to talk about? I’m all ears. You want to have a discussion about a school project? I’m here, but I’m your professor…not your friend,” Joel grumbled, brushing his fingers into his messy hair. “Try not being so open with people Miss Y/N. People are not going to be fascinated with you on first impressions when they hear you are in love with a married man.”

“When did I say that?” she felt her chest tightening when Joel back stepped away from her.

“You didn’t have to,” Joel turned on his heel and headed for the parking lot. “Good luck apartment shopping.”

Swallowing down hard, she cussed to herself realizing that she was clearly just mouth vomiting to anyone that would listen and Joel was right, she needed to watch who she talked to about how she felt about Negan.

Walking back to her dorm, she met her mother and went looking for apartments. All the apartments her mother took her to were all very small and nothing to really be excited about. According to her mother, her first apartment needed to be something minimal so she could teach herself to appreciate the little things in life. When she suggested the apartments that Negan had sent her, her mother quickly turned them down thinking it was too extensive for a student like her.

When Negan had met her that night and they were parked, she slid in closer to him to meet his lips in a desperate, wet kiss. Negan grunted against her mouth and her hands were eager to reach for his belt to begin to pull it apart. Negan laughed and reached for her hands urging her to stop, “Wait…wait, I want to take you somewhere first. We can’t just fuck on the side of some residential street like this. I stopped here because I had a surprise for you.”

“Yeah?” she found herself excited at the thought. Quite often they would just have sex and then talk for a while before he had to leave, but the fact he had plans for something else excited her. “What’s that?”

“Just give me a minute…” Negan hushed and she watched him get out of the car. Watching as he moved around the car to help her out, Y/N found herself in awe of the manners that Negan had when he was around her. The warmth of Negan’s hand grasped onto hers as he persuaded her to follow him up the driveway to the house they had parked in front of. Motioning her to wait, Negan released her hand and searched under the rocks that were in the garden in front of the house. When he found a key beneath, she gave him an odd expression. Negan kept her silent as they moved into the split level home and Negan urged her to take a look around. “What do you think?”

“That you are crazy for breaking into someone’s home?” she muttered and he could see that her cheeks were flushed over. A laugh fell from his throat and he stepped across the hardwood floor to meet her in a lingering kiss.

“You’re so fucking cute,” Negan snickered and then pulled away from her to lead her toward the kitchen. “This home belongs to a friend of mine. It’s one of his homes that he’s wanted to rent out for a while now. You see, he just got married, but he’s not quite ready to give up the home yet.”

“Your friend has a nice home,” she pointed out with a deep breath. “But why are we here?”

“Because it’s ours,” Negan announced with a kick to his step. “You told me the amount of money that your mother is willing to spend and it’s half of what the rent would be for this home.”

“Bullshit,” she grunted when Negan’s eyebrows perked up. “First of all, this home is way too nice for it to be listed at that price. I also know that my mother would never double the amount of money that she is willing to spend. I think she wants me to live in a shithole to punish me for wanting to do something different with my life instead of getting myself into the family business like they expected me to do.”

“Let’s just say my friend owes me one so the price is very much what I said it was,” Negan winked and squeezed her hands in his. “You showed me the places that your mother was trying to shove you in and I thought maybe you would be more interested in something like this. Have this be something that we could call our own?”

“Our own?” she repeated his words, her eyebrows tensing as she spoke. There was a flicker in her chest and she could see the corners of Negan’s lips pulling into a wide grin. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean I’ll pay for half of it,” Negan informed her clearing his throat as she tilted her head in response. “You pay half, I pay half and this will be our place. We’ll have it together. We will be renting it from my friend who is doing me a favor. No official paperwork…”

“Wait, Lucille will notice you spending the money every month and…” she began to shake her head, but Negan hushed her when she brought up his wife. While she wanted this more than anything, she was still attempting to deny it because she wanted to keep him safe with his wife.

“A long time ago Lucille decided that our incomes would be separate. At the time I thought it was emasculating and shit,” Negan explained with a shrug. “Now…I find it quite useful. She will never know what I’ve been spending my money on. It’s perfect.”

“You aren’t just teasing me, right?” she felt her heart pounding inside of her chest at the idea of them having a house together. The idea that Negan would want to share a place with her blew her mind because she really didn’t think their relationship was this serious at this point. “This is real?”

“Yup, it’s already a done deal. You couldn’t change your mind if you tried. I’ve already talked to my friend about it,” Negan winked, giving her a proud smile and he heard her squeal out in excitement. A grunt fell from his throat when she jumped into his arms and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Negan nestled his nose against the side of her neck and felt her squeezing her arms tightly around his shoulders. “I take it you like it?”

“I love it,” she pulled her head back enough to kiss him over and over again. Negan hummed against her mouth. A growl fell from his throat when she pulled back enough to trace over the side of his face, teasing her fingertips through the short beard covering his handsome features. “Our home?”

“Our rental home,” he corrected and she shrugged. The fact that he was calling it theirs only excited her all the more. When Negan had started this whole thing with her, she didn’t think he would ever look at her beyond the booty call. Especially after Alexis had dug it in her head so deeply that Negan was only coming around when he wanted sex. It was something she never really wanted to believe. There was more to their relationship, but with the only person that she could talk to digging it into her that her relationship with Negan was nothing more than sex, she had become a little worried. Now that Negan was making it clear he wanted to share a home with her, it made her realize that he clearly cared for her more than just some random romp that he could get when his wife was at work or busy. “Not completely our home. Just something we will have together.”

“I don’t care if it’s a rental home,” she excitedly responded and pulled him close. Negan’s amused laugh filled the air and she tugged her fingertips through his thick, dark hair. “It’s ours and it means the world to me.”

“I figured it was better to find a place where we would both feel comfortable. My friend is going to be taking out some of the furniture so we can put in our own. He’ll be leaving some of it and I thought that would be okay because it’s a starter for you,” Negan informed her after he set her down and pulled her toward the stairs so he could lead her to the second floor. Negan was amused with how excited and happy she was about this. “You can tell your mother than you found a friend that you are going to live with. Say they are going to pay half for it. Not only will it be safer than the shitholes your mother was looking at, it will be something we can share…together.”

“I love it Negan…I absolutely love it,” she answered with a delighted breath as Negan led her into the bedroom to show her where they would be sleeping together. “Does this mean I can say that we are officially dating?”

“Only between the two of us, but I think that’s been pretty obvious,” Negan snorted when she looked at the bedroom and he could see the pure joy in her eyes. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you this happy. It makes me fucking pleased as hell. I love seeing you look like that.”

“I never pictured you being the type to do something like this,” she moved across the room and grabbed a tight hold of his hands. “You have no idea how happy this makes me.”

“I think I have an idea,” Negan pulled his right hand from hers to reach up and slide his palm in over the side of her neck. His thumb slid under her chin and his pointer finger slid up against her jaw to guide her into kissing him. The kiss was slow, delicate and he took his time doing it causing her to fall flush against his chest. “I miss this look.”

“I’ve always looked at you the same,” she breathed against his mouth and he shook his head. “I love you.”

“I know you love me, but this look…” Negan’s grip on her got tighter, “this is what I look forward to.”

“So when are we going to do this?” she tipped up on her toes, attempting to kiss him again, but he wouldn’t allow it with the grasp he had on her jaw.

“You think you can last about two weeks?” Negan muttered, tipping forward to tease the tip of his tongue over her bottom lip making her tremble. “By then I think I can get everything settled and we could start moving in.”

“Two weeks is perfect,” she muttered with a breathless sigh as Negan’s eyes stayed hooked on hers. “You are perfect.”

“You’re adorable, you know that?” Negan grunted, pressing his forehead against hers. “So what do you think about this bedroom? What do we do to make it our own?”

“Whatever you’d like,” she felt his free hand sliding down her body to palm softly at her bottom and she swallowed hard.

“Get on your knees,” Negan ordered and he saw her eyes shift while he looked down at her. His friend’s things were still clearly in the bedroom. A wicked smirk pressed in over his features while she clearly was trying to read if he was serious or not. “If you are happy, thank me for it.”

“Right now?” she confirmed and he nodded. Slowly dropping to her knees made Negan let out a long, drawn out laugh while he slid his thumb over her bottom lip.

“Good girl,” Negan stammered, stepping in closer to her while she got up better on her knees before him. Tilting his head, he watched as her hand delicately reached up to caress over the front of his pants. Over and over again she palmed, squeezed and grasped at his body. “Say thank you.”

“Thank you daddy,” she muttered, her lips parted while her eyes looked up at him. She moved in closer to press kisses over the denim covering his body making him lick his lips in a slow, drawn out, erotic sweep. “This means everything to me.”

“I know it does baby girl,” Negan hummed with approval, “And daddy is so glad to hear that.”

* * *

There was an excitement that was filling Y/N’s veins while she sat in her college writing course. Joel was at the front of the class talking to the students about their papers that he was about to hand back, but it was hard to focus. Tonight she was moving in with Negan and all she could think about was that. She was careful to keep her phone in her pocket though and made sure to make it seem like she was paying attention. Just the idea that her and Negan would have their own place together excited her so very much.

It was hard selling to her mother that she was moving in with a friend that would be paying half. Especially in the home that she was going to be in because it didn’t seem like a place that college kids would be staying in. Her parents were still wary of the fact that they didn’t even know the person that she would be living with. When they had helped her move some things into the home, she had to make some good excuses as to why her friend wasn’t there. Explained that her friend worked full time and also went to school full time so they would only be able to be there to sleep for the most part. She even had to come up with an excuse as to who the house belonged to. Lying was something she had learned to do well since getting with Negan, but it seemed to be working well with her parents and Negan would have been proud.

“Everyone did a pretty good job,” Joel’s voice boomed as she lifted her head to see that he was setting people’s papers down on their desks. When he got to her table, he dropped her short story face down on the desk when everyone else had their grades facing upward. Giving him an odd expression, she reached for her story to see a big red B on the front page. Looking beside her, she saw that the guy next to her had gotten an A and the person on the other side of her had too. Gulping, she flipped through the pages and saw that her entire story was blank except for the B on the front of her paper. “I know it’s one of our first papers so I’ve been attempting to grade a bit easier for you guys. It is going to start getting harder though. If you didn’t do very well there will be notes to let you know what you need improvement on for future projects.”

“Can I see your paper?” Y/N looked to the guy beside her that she had helped. He handed it over to her to look at and she saw that every page had some kind of comment on it. There were corrections and notes covering it, even though it was still considered an A.

“You got a B?” the student looked to her paper and he let out a tight breath. “How did that happen? I read your story and it was really good. A fuck ton better than mine. Why did you get a B?”

“It…doesn’t say,” she swallowed down and handed him back his paper.

A sense of confusion flooded her veins while Joel dismissed the class and people began leaving the room. Part of her was angry, but the other part just wanted to know why she had been marked down and nothing was said on her paper. When the room had cleared, she shifted in her seat and noticed that Joel was on his laptop, seemingly avoiding the outside world around him. Getting up from her seat, she moved down before Joel’s desk and found herself waiting. She didn’t want to bother him, but his attention was fully on his computer.

“I hate to bother you…” Y/N began looking down at the short story she had written. Joel lifted his eyes from his laptop and she could see the glare he was giving her.

“But you’re going to anyways,” Joel snorted and she gulped heavily. “What’s on your mind?”

“I was hoping we could talk about this,” she held her story out for Joel to see and he pushed his chair back to reach for it. “You gave me a B.”

“And?” Joel’s eyebrow raised and a half laugh fell from his throat.

“There were no errors marked,” she explained and Joel nodded. “I don’t understand why I got a B.”

“Getting a B is getting a decent grade. Are you really one of those students that needs to get all A’s?” Joel grumbled and he could see her cheeks flushing over with red. Swallowing down, she looked toward the ground and he laughed. “Oh, you’re one of those girls, huh?”

“I just don’t think it’s a B story. You said were going easy on the grades, but I didn’t think it was bad to begin with,” she explained while he was flipping through the pages and Joel tilted his head to the side. “I worked really hard on this story. I was actually really proud of it.”

“Oh, so because you were proud of it…that means I should give you an A when it’s just a B story?” Joel almost mocked her and she found her heart pounding inside of her chest. There was a tingling in her chest and going down her arms while she tried to interact with him, but all he seemed to be doing was mocking her for her question. “Do you do this with all your professors? Or am I the first to give you a B?”

The look that she gave him made him snicker and he clapped his hands together, “Oh…I’m your first? Well that’s perfect.”

“There should be a reason as to why I got a B. I looked at people’s papers around me. You left feedback for everyone’s paper, but mine. You wrote comments on everyone’s paper like you said. My story is completely blank with just a B on it,” she retorted with an angry breath. “If it’s a B, shouldn’t you tell me why so that way I can make it better?”

“I don’t do redos,” Joel tossed her paper back on the desk and went back to his computer. When he found her not leaving, he let out a frustrated sound and his angry eyes turned to her. “It had a lazy ending.”

“A lazy ending?” she flipped through her pages and still saw that there were no marks whatsoever. “What about it was lazy?”

“For someone who has read all of my books you’d think you would understand a good ending when you see it,” Joel pointed out with a shrug, folding his arms in front of his chest. “It was boring. It was predictable. It was stupid.”

“That’s bullshit. I helped a lot of people in this class by looking over their stories. A few people that got A’s had horrible fucking stories,” she cussed, letting her anger get the best of her. “They were fucking terrible, but had few errors because I looked them over for them.”

“Well that was your mistake, wasn’t it? Maybe if you had spent some time actually putting effort into your own story, you might have gotten an A,” Joel huffed, standing up from the chair to stare out at her. Joel wasn’t as tall as Negan, but he was a lot stockier and honestly a lot more intimidating. “You’ve got quite the ego, don’t you? Deciding who should and should not get the A? You think you are better than those that got the A on their stories?”

“I know I am,” she pressed back and Joel’s thick, squared jaw flexed. “To think I actually admired an asshole like you.”

“Oh? I’m an asshole because I gave you the grade you deserve on a shitty fucking story where you probably should have gotten a worse grade?” Joel was amused at her outburst. Instead of getting any more fired up than she already was, she turned on her heel and headed back for her things. Starting to head back up the steps, she heard him scoff. “See your later homewrecker.”

His words made her halt her movements and she felt her body lock up at what he had called her, “Is that why you gave me a B? Because of what I said the other day? Are you that big of a judgmental asshole?”

“Oh, did I hit a nerve?” Joel snarked from where he was sitting, stretching his arms back and behind his head.

“You don’t know anything about my life so don’t pretend like you do,” she moved back down the steps and watched his hazel eyes narrow at her. “I say one thing and you automatically assume that you know everything about me.”

“You’re in love with a married man, what else is there to know?” Joel repeated what she had said the other day when they were talking.

“You know everyone in this class has done something that others consider wrong,” she pointed out, moving back toward the front of the room and down the steps. “Yet here you are judging me without even knowing my story.”

“As I said, what else is there to know?” Joel’s eyes were staring up at her as she moved in closer to him. “There is no explanation that is acceptable for someone sleeping with a married person.”

“So I’m getting a B on my paper because you think I’m in love with a married man?” Y/N felt her blood boiling watching Joel’s thick eyebrows tensing together while he stared out at her. “What is my story about Joel?”

“What does that even matter?” Joel stammered and she felt her jaw flexing at his response.

“What’s the main plot of the story?” she demanded an answer and he laughed. “How does the story even end Joel?”

“It was shit,” Joel snorted and she felt like she was about to explode. “It was unmemorable in every…single…way.”

“You didn’t even read my story,” she snapped and saw him smirk. “You just saw it was my paper and automatically gave me a B, didn’t you?”

“That would fit your narrative, wouldn’t it?” Joel stood up from his desk and folded his arms in front of his chest. “What do you expect from this Y/N?”

“I should get the grade that I deserve on my paper, not the one I got because you have some personal vendetta against me,” she scoffed, lifting her paper up in her hand and Joel reached for her paper. He snatched it from her fingers and grabbed the red pen that was on the desk. Scratching out the B she watched him write something else down and saw that he wrote down a C instead.

“What is this?” she blurt out and he shrugged his shoulders.

“You asked for what you deserved. I told you guys I went easy on the grading, so if you truly want what you deserve, there you go,” Joel grabbed the paper and tossed it at her, watching it hit her in the chest before falling to the floor. “If you want to keep fighting with me over it, I can keep lowering the grade.”

“I’m dropping this class,” she announced, swallowing down hard and reaching down to grab a tight hold of the paper. “You’re an asshole.”

“Good luck with that. If you drop now you will get penalized and get a failing grade. Is that what you want?” Joel prodded, stepping in closer to her as she stared out at him. “Is your ego that big that you are willing to get a failing grade?”

A tense sound fell from her throat and he moved before her, “That’s what I thought. Miss I can’t stand to get a B is so bold until she is reminded that walking out of my class makes her get an F.”

“I’ll go to the dean about you,” she announced and Joel’s expression got darker. He sat on the edge of the desk and folded his arms out in front of his chest. “You can’t treat me like this.”

“Right, so you are going to go to the dean and tell him that I upset you because I gave you a C on your paper?” Joel confirmed what she was saying and she shook her head and went to speak, but he cut her off. “See, anything you go and tell him…I’m going to say you are only saying it because I gave you a grade you didn’t like. Who do you think they are going to believe? An award winning professor like myself…or you?”

“What is your problem?” her bottom lip quivered and he snorted when he saw that even though she was strong and aggressive, he still managed to break her. “I thought the world of you before this class. You’re the only reason I took this class.”

“Sorry to ruin my image for you sweetheart,” Joel snapped, standing up from the desk and moving back around to sit down in his chair to drop down at his laptop. There was a lump growing in her throat as she stared out at him. Her chest ached and she felt her body shaking at how he was treating her. “Now get the fuck out of my class.”

“Am I always going to be getting a bad grade in this class? Is there even any sense in me trying?” she stammered and Joel’s glance met hers. The way that he was looking at her told her everything and she dropped her arms in a defeated breath. “Should I even bother showing up?”

“You know the policy about absences,” Joel smirked and he saw her look down toward the ground. “I tell you what? You come to my class every day and I’ll make sure you get a C.”

Nodding, she took her paper and threw it in the trash beside his desk. There was nothing else she could say as she moved back up the stairs, “That’s it?”

“What do you want from me?” she looked over her shoulder to see Joel watching her closely.

“Hmmm…just not what I pictured from a girl like you,” Joel retorted with a shrug. “I pictured you putting up more of a fight.”

“What did you expect me to do? Huh?” she sneered, feeling her phone buzzing in her pocket. “Did you expect me to offer you a blowjob to make you raise my grade?”

“Wow, you really are a slut, aren’t you?” Joel’s head bobbed and he watched the color drain from her face. “I guess if the shoe fits though…”

“You’re a misogynistic asshole,” Y/N stated, reaching up to wipe at her eyes as she spoke. “I can’t believe I ever looked up to you.”

Turning around, she started walking up the steps and heard Joel snicker behind her, “Bye now.”

Instead of turning around, she moved back up the steps and walked out of the door. Never did she think that she would be one to experience what just happened, but now that she knew she had a target on her back from one of the people she used to actually admire, it made her extremely upset and she didn’t know what to do with herself.

\---

Sitting in the kitchen of her new rental home with Negan, Y/N waited. Negan had told her he would be there soon, but that was a few hours ago. She was sitting at the bar in the center of the kitchen on one of the stools, tapping her fingers against the countertop. Joel and the way he had treated her was still on her mind. More than anything she wanted to be happy about having her own home with Negan, but she couldn’t stop thinking about the way that she was treated earlier in the day.

The sound of a knock on the door was heard and she moved across the house to pull open the door. Negan was standing in front of her with a dozen roses in his hand. The other hand had a pizza in it and a few bags were hanging from his arm. A wide, cocky smile expanded over his features when he saw her and she felt a warmth flood back into her chest at the sight of him.

“Hello beautiful,” Negan spoke up, moving into the house and handing her the roses. Tipping down, he pressed a loving kiss over her lips and felt her somewhat tense against him. It wasn’t the normal reaction she had when seeing him, so it was immediately noticeable. “What’s going on? I thought you would be happier about all of this.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she sighed, but saw the frown develop over his face. Negan reached up with his free hand and palmed over the side of her face. Leaning into his caress, she let out a long breath and took in the warmth of his touch. It was impressive that Negan knew her well enough already to see when she wasn’t doing well. The fact he cared enough to ask was nice as well. “It was just something with school.”

“I’m worried about it. I remember how fucking excited you were about this when I told you, yet here you are. It’s our first night together in our home and you look like a sad little puppy dog,” Negan recognized her emotions and he could see her looking away from him. “How about we go have some of this pizza and talk about it?”

“I’m sorry Negan,” she apologized realizing that he probably was expecting her to be as happy as she was the day that he told her this was going to be their place. The last thing she wanted to do was ruin this for him. “Seriously, you came here with plans and I want to make you happy. I don’t want to ruin them.”

“Baby, how are my plans going to be good for me if you are upset?” Negan nodded for her to follow him into the kitchen. Y/N closed the door and locked up behind him before following him. Once they made it into the kitchen, Negan set the pizza on the bar in the center of the room and placed the bags on the counters. Y/N got a vase and put the flowers in them as he loaded things in the fridge. Clearly Negan had come prepared to fill their rental home with things he liked and wanted there. When he was done, he turned to her and reached out to cup her face in his rough hands. A rush of warmth filled her body while she looked up at him. There was nothing as special as the warmth of Negan surrounding her and being close to her. So much time was spent away from him, that when she was with him…everything just began to feel right again. “I want us both to be happy, so talk to me. I don’t want you to think that you can’t talk to me. I’m not a total fucking asshole. I want us to talk. I want to know what is going on and I want to do what I can to make you feel better.”

“I love you,” she admitted in a whisper and he smiled. Negan tipped in to press a soft, gentle kiss over her lips and he hummed against her flesh. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure…” Negan snickered, his thumb sweeping over her bottom lip while he stared down at her. “I care about what is going on in your life. That’s not a lie…and I want you happy.”

“Well, let’s sit down and talk. At least let’s not let the pizza get cold,” she suggested and Negan followed her to sit on a stool beside the bar with her. Negan grabbed a slice and looked to her with his big eyes when he took his first bite. He was expecting her to talk and she found the way he was looking at her charming. “I took a college writing class because there was a writer that I really admired teaching it.”

“I remember you telling me about that,” Negan pointed out and she found herself shocked when he recalled the things she had told him during the time they spent together during the summer. “It was the guy who wrote those thriller books?”

“Yeah, that’s him. A few weeks ago when you were sending me texts about apartments that you thought would be good, I was paying more attention to the phone than I was his class and he called me on it,” she alerted him while shifting on the stool. “I apologized and we walked out together. For some reason we started talking about romance novels and I may have dropped that I was in love with a married man.”

The sound of Negan choking was heard and she lifted her head to see him reaching for the soda that he had brought with him to drink some of it, “Why the hell would you tell him that?”

“I didn’t really say that exactly, but I said something about finding Prince Charming and then finding out he was married,” she admitted and Negan’s thick eyebrows perked up while she spoke.

“You think I’m Prince Charming?” Negan repeated what she said and it made her blush. “Don’t be embarrassed. Now I just know I’m going to have to find you the glass slipper so we can make this whole thing official. Does that make you my Cinderella?”

“Negan,” she rolled her eyes and heard Negan snort when she shook her head. There was a smirk that pulled in over the corners of her mouth from him being silly.

“I’m just playing with you doll,” Negan nudged her knee, before giving it a firm squeeze. “I’m just glad that I was able to get your mind off of it long enough to make you smile. Now, what did this guy do?”

“He kind of snapped on me and after that day we really didn’t talk. I got my story I wrote back today and he had given me a B. The other people in class had all pretty much gotten A’s and he said that he left comments on the papers for people to improve on the next project. Everyone had corrections and comments marked on their stories, but me. I thought I did a good job and I asked him about it after class.”

“And?” Negan took another bite of his pizza while she picked at hers.

“I don’t think he even read the story. I think he just put a B on it because he assumed I was a good student and it would upset me. He told me that my story was shit and when I went to leave he called me a homewrecker,” she admitted and Negan snorted while he listened to her. “When I called him on it for singling me out and giving me a bad grade just because of what I said he changed my grade to a C. Then told me there was pretty much no reason to even try in his class and that he would only give me a C if I showed up every day. He even called me a slut.”

“You’re not a slut,” Negan responded almost immediately and grunted to himself when he set his pizza down. “Seriously, this guy is just clearly a dickhead. His wife probably cheated on him with another man or something and he’s got something up his ass over it. You’re not carelessly sleeping around with a bunch of people. You’ve slept with one man your entire life and you’re in a relationship with him. People aren’t going to understand the relationship with me that you have and it’s not your responsibility to make them understand. Did you record this guy treating you like this on your phone?”

“No,” she blushed realizing that it was something she should have done when she went up to him or at least started after he called her a homewrecker, but she had been so distracted and angry that it never even came to her to attempt it.

“And what about this paper that he marked? Where is it?” Negan swallowed down his pizza and she cleared her throat uneasily. “What?”

“I threw it away in the garbage,” she explained hearing Negan let out a groan. “What?”

“Well if you would have kept it and took it to someone, you would have been able to show them that he was grading your paper differently than the others. He says that he will be leaving comments so people could improve and get better. You would have had proof that he was treating you differently than the other students,” Negan explained, setting his piece of pizza down on the plate. “What you need to do is be on your toes now. When he does these things, you need to record it. Keep the papers. Tell people what he’s doing to you. Get the proof that you need.”

“He told me that no one would ever believe me because he’s an award winning professor,” she almost mocked his tone and Negan laughed when she did it. “It’s someone that I used to really admire Negan and he’s an asshole.”

“That’s why I think it’s bad for some of us to actually meet our heroes and the people we look up to,” he acknowledged with a grunt. “Sometimes people just fucking suck and that hope we had disappears because we realize what we thought we knew about someone isn’t really who they really are.”

“I just don’t know what to do,” she frowned and Negan reached out to grab a hold of her hands in his firm grasp.

“You are a very clever girl, I’m sure you will come up with something,” Negan insisted with a firm nod. “Stay on your toes now. He threw the first punch, but now you are ready and you just need to find your way to serve up some payback.”

“I just never thought I would have to go through something like this,” she sighed and leaned in to rest her head against the center of his chest. Negan caressed his fingers over the back of her neck and pressed a loving kiss over the top of her head. Pulling away, she looked to the flowers and smirked. “The roses are beautiful. Thank you.”

“Nah, they’re nothing in comparison to you,” Negan winked and she got down from the stool to step forward and kiss Negan firmly. Negan groaned against her mouth as he kissed her over and over again, feeling each caress of her lips over his growing more desperate. “You want daddy to make you feel better? Take you upstairs and christen our new bedroom?”

Nodding, she watched Negan stand up and reach for her hand. He led her upstairs to the bedroom and it was the first time she had been in the bedroom after he had set things up. Most of the rooms she let Negan do with them as he pleased, but before she could get a longer look, the feeling of Negan picking her up and dropping her down on the bed was felt. It didn’t take long for Negan to get her to her bra and panties before standing up from the bed to look her over.

Negan pulled his leather jacket from his shoulders and let it fall to the ground in a thud, “What do you want daddy to do, huh? Pamper you with his mouth? Make you feel good?”

“Anything you want,” she answered and Negan’s nose wrinkled when she said it. A heavy breath escaped her throat when he reached for his shirt and pulled it from his body. “I know you want me to be more specific, but just being with you will make me feel better.”

“You are fucking adorable, you know that?” Negan snickered, crawling over her on the bed. Depositing a kiss over her inner ankle made her whimper and he smiled. Sliding his lips further up, he took time to press kisses over her leg, toward her thigh, up over her hip and over her torso toward her breasts. When Negan’s mouth pressed hot, open mouthed kisses over her cotton covered breast he heard her gasp making him smile. “We’ve had sex…God knows how many times at this point and you still react like every time is the first…fuck.”

Negan bit at the material of her bra and her torso lifted up off the bed making him growl, “If that professor keeps giving you shit, I’ll kick his fucking ass for you.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that,” she reached up to brush her fingers into his thick hair and Negan smiled when his gaze lifted to hers. 

“I’d do almost anything for you sweetheart,” Negan slurred, reaching for the cup of her bra to pull it forward and away from her body. “I hope you know that.”

Negan took his time making her ‘feel better’…making sure to focus on her and the things he knew she liked. It was amazing how caring Negan seemed to be with what she told him. When she had moved out of the dorm room, Alexis had tried to convince her that it was a bad idea moving into a place with Negan because Alexis didn’t believe that Negan truly cared about Y/N. Negan was proving that he cared for her after everything she told him.

“You have to stand up for yourself,” Negan squeezed her in closer to his chest while she laid over his chest after they had sex. Negan was stroking her shoulder while her fingers teased through the dark hair over the center of Negan’s chest. “I know you’re a good person, but good people can still stand up for themselves when people are treating them like shit.”

“I tried,” she huffed and heard him snicker. “I did.”

“I need to teach you to be a bitch,” Negan snorted, pressing a soft kiss against the top of her head. “I’m sorry loving me got you in trouble.”

“Don’t be sorry for that,” she lifted her head to stare up at him and she could see that his hazel eyes were hooked on hers. “That’s something I don’t regret at all. I love you and I don’t feel bad about that.”

“Mmm, I love you too,” Negan reached his index finger underneath her jaw to persuade her into kissing him. It was nice getting to lay with him for most of the night, but when morning got close she heard the sound of Negan’s alarm going off making her wake up from her comfortable slumber within his arms. Negan reached for the phone and seemed to jolt. “Fuck.”

When Negan carefully slid himself out from underneath her, she let out a saddened breath.

“What are you doing?” she watched Negan pulling out from beneath the blankets. He threw his legs over the side of the bed and took a moment to sit there. It was early in the morning and had only been a few hours since they had laid down. Lifting up, she grasped at the sheets pulling them closer to her body as Negan got up. He stretched out his naked form before moving for the drawers to pull out of some of his clothes. “Negan?”

“Oh…” Negan pulled on a pair of boxer briefs and then reached for his gray pants that were thrown in the corner of the room. He looked her over before shrugging. “You know Lucille works nights a lot. I just have to make sure that I’m back before she is in the morning.”

“Right,” she felt the ache in the center of her chest watching Negan pushing at the clothes in his dresser that he had set up in their home. She never thought that having a home with Negan meant that he would be coming to her only when his wife wasn’t home like he had been doing when she was in the dorm room. When she agreed to having this affair with Negan, she thought that she’d be able to control it, but the more that Negan told her he loved her…the more time they spent together, the harder everything became. In a sense though she should be happy because Negan was actually there with her longer than he was when he would come and see her in her dorm room. This time he stayed through most of the night. “How does that work out?”

“Well…I’ll get my sleep here with you,” Negan explained with a wicked smirk, “For the most part. Then I get there and when she gets home I’m either taking a shower, preparing breakfast or I’ll just head back to bed in case we are up…later than planned. I worked this all out when I was coming to see you at the dorm.”

“And what if she gets back before you do?” she inquired further watching as Negan began to pull his shirt back on. “Then what?”

“I always come home with a coffee,” Negan explained tugging the material down his torso to straighten it. “That way if she is home first, I have a reason as to why I wasn’t.”

“Wow…you’ve thought everything out,” she sighed heavily and by the way that Negan’s eyebrow clenched, she could tell that he noticed something was wrong.

“What? What is it?” Negan sat down on the bed, reaching out to brush a piece of hair out of her face. His eyes searched hers for a moment and he leaned in to press a loving kiss over her lips. She let it linger and felt Negan’s forehead pressing against hers. A heavy sigh fell from her throat as she reached up to link her fingers with his. When her fingers dragged over the material of his ring, she felt her heart break knowing that this would never be real. Even if they did have a home together, it wouldn’t be what she wanted.

“Are we ever going to have a full night together?” she inquired and Negan shrugged his shoulders. “You’re never going to be here a full twenty-four hours, are you?”

“I’m doing what I can do,” Negan insisted with a heavy sigh. “I’ve made this as close to home as I can, you know? I’ll try to make it back as much as I possibly can.”

Y/N nodded and felt her chest tighten. She loved Negan, but she also could kind of understand why Joel looked down on her. The idea that she was with a married man…if people found out they had a home together, they would definitely look down upon her. When Negan admitted to her that he was married, she should have let him go, but she just couldn’t find it in herself to do it. The heart wants what the heart wants and hers wanted Negan. The way he made her feel was unlike anything else she had ever had in her life. It just hurt knowing that she would never be his first choice and he would always pick his wife over her.

“What is it?” Negan frowned when he noticed the distant look in her eyes.

“Lucille is just a very lucky woman,” she explained, hooking her fingers with Negan’s when he pulled his hand from her jaw. Negan squeezed firmly at her fingers and she took a look at the ring on his finger. Negan noticed she was staring at it and he reached out to urge her to look up at him. “I just love you Negan.”

“I love you too,” he assured her, his hand sliding in against her neck while he slid his grasp up to slide into her hair toward the base of her skull. Negan used his other hand to reach up to grasp at her jaw so her eyes were hooked on his. “So very much. You know that.”

“She just gets you all day long. I get you some nights or when she’s busy,” she explained and Negan hushed her, his thumb dragging over her bottom lip while he stared out at her. “I find myself very jealous of her. I have no idea what the future brings for us Negan. I’m in love with you and I’m never going to be married to you.”

“I told you, planning things out was boring anyways,” Negan smiled brightly and tried to flash that cocky smile that he had gotten so used to showing. When she didn’t respond, he sighed and shrugged. “You understood that it had to be this way when we started this thing. We even have a place together now. You have to think of what we do have, not what we don’t have.”

“I know and I’m so very thankful for this place,” she answered with a half-smile, trying to give him something to make him clearly feel better. “I’m just…jealous.”

“I love you both,” Negan pulled himself into bed with her again, crawling in closer to her so he could wrap his arms around her. Stroking her face, Negan took a long moment before speaking up again. “Plus…I think I’d be worried if you weren’t jealous. That would mean that you weren’t really that interested in me.”

“I’m clearly head over heels for you Negan,” she reminded him and he nodded, his dimples sucking in when he smiled. “I think that’s obvious.”

“I know and I love it,” Negan announced before kissing her one final time. Closing her eyes, she took in the feeling of him tracing his rough fingertips over her face only to feel him pull away and get up from the bed. “And I love you.”

“I love you,” she watched him pick up his leather jacket to pull it on.

“Take time to get used to the place. I did the best I could to make you comfortable while putting a little bit of me into everything,” Negan winked and watched her nod. “See you soon.”

Negan winked and left the bedroom. Hearing the sound of the front door closing downstairs when he left and then his car starting up outside hurt her more than she pictured it would. It was a stupid thought that Negan would be able to spend a full day with her. She should have been happy with the things that she had, but she wasn’t. She wanted more and that was the unfortunate truth about everything. While she agreed to being with Negan, she knew that she would never have all of Negan and that hurt.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader/OC starts a new friendship with an unlikely person and Negan has to deal with the backlash of living two separate lives. Negan's choice start to lead to a dangerous territory that leaves him and the reader/OC in a tight place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of went through and wrote A TON of this the other day. I'm just going to break it up because I feel like this is super long as it is. Love you guys!

Sitting in the middle of her college writing course, Y/N had started sitting in the back of the classroom instead of being up front like before. When she started the class she had wanted to make a good impression with things, but since Joel had pretty much told her that she had no chance in getting anything better than a C grade she would sit in the back and work on her other classwork. At first she had tried to be connected to the class and tried interacting with the other students. Now she stayed to herself knowing that it would just cause her to be upset that she was getting screwed over with things.

The sound of Joel’s southern drawl would often just drive her to be angry since she could recall the names he called her and hear the mocking he had done with her replaying in her head like a broken record. So the further away from Joel she was the better.

Joel was Y/N’s last class on the days when she had his class, so she really just couldn’t wait for his class to be over. When it finally was over and students were leaving, she was gathering her stuff. Pushing her work into her bag, she heard the sound of someone dropping something on top of her desk and lifted her head. Seeing that it was her paper that she had thrown away in the trash weeks ago made her nose wrinkle. The B and C were scratched out and an A was over the opposite corner of the paper.

Lifting her head, she looked to see that Joel was standing before her. Joel was surveying the last few students leaving the room and when it was just the two of them in the room he reached up to rub at the back of his neck. Joel shifted uncomfortably before her while she reached for the paper to look at it.

“What is this?” she felt her heart racing inside of her chest.

“You were right,” Joel announced, swallowing down hard. His hands slid down over his hips and he looked to the opened door. Joel moved across the room for the door to shut it and while he did she looked over the paper to see that he had marked things on her paper. There were comments on each page and she swallowed down hard. When Joel returned, he took a seat at the desk beside her and pointed to the paper. “I didn’t originally read it.”

“Okay,” she simply breathed and Joel tapped his thick fingers against the top of the desk. Joel was shifting in the seat, his eyes were hooked on her and she felt a bit uncomfortable with him.

“I owe you an apology, I was being an asshole,” Joel finally spoke up and she nodded slowly.

“You were,” she agreed, “a massive one.”

“Huge,” Joel nodded, his jaw flexing as he spoke. “Truth is…there isn’t a student in here that gives a shit about this class like you clearly did. I’m hoping that maybe you will start trying again and maybe you’ll move back up to the front.”

“Are you screwing with me?” she uttered, her body tensing up as he spoke. “What’s with the sudden change of heart?”

“Are you busy?” Joel spoke up and she tilted her head to the side. “Let me take you to get some coffee or something and I will talk to you.”

“You were uncomfortable walking with me to your car, yet now you want to have coffee with me?” she repeated, watching him bob his head side to side as if thinking about what she was saying. After a minute, he nodded and she laughed. “I’m not going to give you a blowjob.”

“I don’t…I don’t want a blowjob,” Joel asserted with a grunt, his face twisting in confusion. “If that’s what you think this is…it’s not. It’s not that at all. I swear.”

“Then what is this?” she questioned, her jaw clenching when she looked at some of the comments he made on the story she had written.

“I feel like I owe you a reasoning as to why I reacted the way I did,” Joel gulped, his eyes fully pulling away from hers. “I feel bad.”

“You could say it here,” she stated and Joel looked around the empty classroom before nodding. “No one is going to interrupt us.”

“Uh…okay,” Joel shrugged and swallowed down loud enough for her to hear. “I just thought that if I offered to take you somewhere you would feel safer with me and then maybe I could buy you a drink because I felt bad…”

“Let’s start with the explanation. We’re already here,” she leaned further back in her seat and she was ready to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“I was married,” Joel proclaimed in a quick breath, his jaw locking up when he spoke. “That’s why I don’t believe in the whole romance thing. It’s bullshit.”

“Okay,” she thought back to Negan saying that he thought Joel was married and likely cheated on. Clearly Negan was right, but she was waiting for Joel to spill the beans himself. “And?”

“Giving you my life story here without going on for hours…I met my ex-wife when I was fifteen. We met at a party and we had a baby because you know some teenagers are young and stupid. Because we were both young, we got together. We got married, I thought everything was okay for years,” Joel informed her about his past and she took notice of the way his palms balled up into fists. “Our daughter was twelve and I was working. My wife was supposed to be picking her up from soccer and she didn’t show up. I was in the middle of a meeting and my daughter had called me several times because she was worried. Since she couldn’t get a hold of us, my daughter started to walk home and it was storming…”

Noticing where the tone of the conversation was going, she pulled herself up into her seat and watched the way that Joel looked away from her while he spoke. His thick jaw was locking up and the chill that filled her body was indescribable as she watched the color drain from the olive skin of the man before her.

“Our daughter was hit by a car and killed. My wife wasn’t there to pick her up because she was off having an affair with another man,” Joel told her, his thick eyebrows tensing as he spoke. Instinctively, Y/N reached out to grab a hold of his arm and he looked to her almost confused as to why she was being nice to him after he had treated her like shit. “My little girl died because my wife was having an affair with another man. My wife decided that being with another man was more important than the safety of our daughter. So I’m kind of an asshole because of that.”

“I am so sorry,” she spoke in a kind whisper, squeezing her fingers around his firm forearm and his eyes looked astounded. They were damp and the dark circles under his eyes were more prevalent than before. The hard lines in his face drew her attention to his eyes while he cleared his throat. “That’s awful Joel.”

“It’s awful, but I’m an asshole. I’m an okay writer because I buried myself into that. It made me forget how fucking awful my life was if even just for a little while, you know?” Joel stated with a firm nod. “That’s why my stories aren’t happy. That’s why the main character never is happy. I was the hero in my daughter’s story and she died. So a part of me goes into every character I write. I’ve spent more time than I care to admit angry at my ex-wife who seemed to have no problem starting life over after we got divorced. Yet I continued to just grow into a mean, angry old man. It’s been well over ten years since that happened and I’ve just had so much rage over my wife who cheated and…”

“Hey…” she noticed his voice was cracking and she pulled herself forward in her seat, moving closer to him. “You didn’t have to go full force with this Joel. You could have told me your wife cheated and I would have understood.”

“Yeah, but I think you deserve to know why I’m such a…fucker,” Joel scoffed, reaching up to wipe at the dampness from his eyes. “I liked talking to you…bickering with you that day was fun and when you said what you said, it just ignited something inside of me. I turned into a total asshole. It took a while for me to pull myself out that and I’m so sorry. Your personal life is none of my business and I…I know you admired me and I feel like such an asshole.”

“You’re an asshole,” she established in agreement with him before sighing. Reaching out, she grabbed a tight hold of his hand to give it a firm squeeze, “but an asshole within reason.”

“You shouldn’t be so forgiving to people…that’s going to get you in trouble,” Joel feigned a fake smile before he looked down and she could see that his emotions were getting the better of him. “I’m sorry, I haven’t opened up about this to people in a long time and I shouldn’t even be doing this with you. You’re my student for fuck’s sake.”

“Well…we all need someone to talk to,” she retorted and saw Joel look to her hand that squeezed firmly at his again. “Just do me a favor?”

“What’s that?” Joel grunted, meeting her glance.

“If you are serious about this whole class thing again…don’t give me an A just because you feel bad,” she frowned, looking to the paper. “Give me whatever grade you think I deserve.”

“That’s an A paper,” Joel defended and she laughed.

“I know, but I’m sure there are some projects where I won’t do as good and I don’t need you giving me an A just because you were an asshole to me,” she leaned forward to playfully nudge him with her arm. “Also…thinking back on what you said a while ago, you may be a mean, angry man, but you aren’t old.”

“What exactly do you consider old?” Joel grunted from his seat. “I’m in my early forties.”

“Not that,” she admitted and Joel’s head tilted to the side. “You might feel like a grumpy old man, but that’s just the way the world has made you feel.”

“I guess,” Joel almost didn’t know how to respond and she slid down in her chair while she thought about everything that just happened between them in their conversation.

“Thank you for…this,” she exclaimed.

“For being a dick to you?” Joel exhaled, his face twisting with confusion. Joel’s free hand reached up to itch at his short beard and she sighed.

“No, for apologizing and admitting you were wrong,” she looked to the paper and shook her head. “You could have kept on hating me instead of all of this. Trust me, I appreciate it.”

“Just like that? You forgive me?” Joel’s eyes narrowed out at her and she let out a dramatic sigh.

“You’re right, you still owe me that coffee,” she released his hand and reached for her bag to finish putting things away. “Get me that coffee and then I’ll think about it.”

Joel did as she asked and got his things together. Even though she was still uneasy with him to a sense, she got in his car with him and went to a coffee shop that wasn’t near campus. It was her suggestion because she didn’t want people in class to find them together. People tended to think the worst and she didn’t want that nor did she need it.

“So the accent…” Y/N stared out at Joel from where they were sitting at the table at the corner of the small coffee shop. Joel was gazing out the window they were by, but she pulled his attention away. “I would guess, but I don’t want to offend you.”

“Texas,” Joel answered her with a firm nod, “I wanted to get as far away from home as possible. Sort of…”

“Gotcha,” she whistled, her eyes lingering around the coffee shop. Things had gotten a little weird since they had gone quiet. It was clear that he was uncomfortable with the fact that he had told her so much, but she was doing her best to make him comfortable. “Are you writing any books right now?”

“I was trying to,” Joel responded, reaching for his cup and he pulled it up to his lips to a take a sip. “What about you?”

“What about me?” she retorted and he shrugged. “I’m not writing a book.”

“Well, no shit. Tell me something about you,” Joel suggested. “You know my life story and why I’m an asshole.”

“Well…I say sorry a lot and forgive too easily,” she winked and Joel rolled his eyes before taking another long swig of his coffee. “What could you possibly want to know about me Joel? I’m just another student that will come and go in your class.”

“You’re the first person I just told everything about myself to in over ten years. The first person I’ve told that doesn’t personally know me. I think the least you could do is tell me a little bit about yourself,” Joel pointed out and saw the way that her eyebrows perked up. “Seriously, I’m not a very open man.”

“I don’t know what to tell you exactly Joel. I’m an only child. My parents run a business together and I spent a lot of my time alone growing up. My parents expect me to be part of the family business and I want nothing to do with it,” she thought of things to tell him, holding her hands up when she spoke. “I like…reading.”

“And this guy you are in love with?” Joel inquired making her laugh. “I told you…”

“I don’t need you to go back to hating me and wanting to give me a C,” she countered with a firm shake of her head. “You don’t want to hear that.”

“I do,” Joel denied what she said and he shook his head. “I pulled my head out of my ass. Tell me about this guy that you apparently love.”

“Come on,” she shifted in her seat and Joel leaned forward. “I don’t know what to tell you Joel.”

“Give me the key points,” Joel suggested and she groaned. “Make me understand.”

“What do you want me to say?” she thought to her and Negan. Negan had said it best, it wasn’t her job to make people understand, but he was prodding, trying to know more and she was doing her best to try to understand what he wanted to know.

“Tell me your story,” Joel grumbled, trying to get her to open up to him in the least bit. “Beginning to…end?”

It took a minute, but with Joel’s eyes on her…she went ahead. Sure, she should have had better judgment, but there was nothing Joel could really do against her at this point and he seemed to genuinely want to know.

“My father’s friend came to live with us during the summer,” she clutched tightly to her glass and avoided eye contact with Joel. “We ended up sleeping together and he was the most amazing man I had ever met. Charming, sexy and really good with his words. The way he made me feel was unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. He was my first. I thought he was single. Truth was he was at our house because he was separated from his wife. He left at the end of the summer to go back to her. I’m still in love with him and I’ve agreed to continue a relationship with him even knowing he’s married. So I guess I’m an asshole too.”

“Oh,” Joel coughed after she unloaded in a very fast spill of words and he lowered his drink from his lips. “Well…at least he was separated when you originally slept with him?”

“Does that really make it better?” she grumbled and Joel shrugged.

“I kind of figured it was like someone you went after so it’s a lot better than I pictured it to be. My mind was thinking you were some kind of babysitter and you went after the husband when the mother was away,” Joel explained and she groaned outwardly. “You want me to be honest with you, right? That’s what my mind pictured.”

“No,” she quickly retorted. “He doesn’t have children and that would have been awful.”

“Well at least you have good morals about that. You slept with a man that you thought was single and he didn’t turn out being single. That’s not really your fault,” Joel shared his opinion and shrugged his broad shoulders. “What makes him so special?”

“He treats me better than anyone I’ve ever met,” she cleared her throat and tried to explain why she felt the way she did. “He’s handsome. He makes me laugh and we are able to have really nice conversations together. I really like spending time with him. We can lay in bed talking forever about anything. I’ve never felt more comfortable in my entire life than I do when I’m with him. When I’m with him it feels like everything in the world is right.”

“Is that his charm or is that how you really feel?” Joel poked further. “What is it about him that makes you feel that way?”

“He listens to me. It’s not fake. It’s clear that he genuinely cares about me,” she was quick to answer and she wanted to admit that they were living together. She wanted to explain how they had a home where they would spend time with each other. There was a need to explain all of the good things he had done for her, but she knew better. “And let’s just say he’s done a lot of good things for me. Things that most people would have never done.” 

“You deserve better than that though. You realize that, right?” Joel blurt out and it clearly made her uncomfortable. “I’m not trying to upset you, but you and his wife deserve better than that. You shouldn’t have to be someone’s…side piece. When you’re in love with someone, you should be their everything. I may not be good with romance myself, but I do know when you are in love with someone, you shouldn’t have to share that love unless you were to have children. How do you expect to move on in life being with a man that is married?”

“I just know he cares about me and wants to be with me as much as possible. He says that half of his heart belongs to me…the other to her,” she repeated what Negan said and Joel rolled his eyes. “Hey, if you are going to keep judging…”

“That’s just such bullshit,” Joel insisted with a grunt, “He’s telling you what you want to hear so he can keep you to himself. Are you allowed to be with someone else?”

“It’s not bullshit. He’s really good with me and I can’t exactly explain it to you, but he’s done things…things that someone who didn’t care about me wouldn’t do,” Y/N thought about how they had a home together that Negan had set up. The way he had listened to her and treated her was something that she never pictured from any man.

“Can you be with someone else too while he’s with his wife?” Joel repeated his question and she let out a stressed sound. “See, that right there answers my question. He’s allowed to have two lives and he can be with two people, but if you even thought about sleeping with someone else or dating someone else he would lose his mind. Wouldn’t he?”

“I don’t want to see anyone else,” she immediately responded and Joel nodded. “He’s everything to me.”

“And that’s very sweet. You’re a very sweet girl,” Joel truthfully responded, reaching out to place his hand over hers that was on the center of the table. “You are someone who will open your heart up to a stranger who treated you like shit. You are very easy to persuade. I figured you would have thrown the paper in my face. Most people would have told me to go fuck myself even after I told them about my daughter and ex-wife.”

“I’m not most people,” she corrected him and Joel nodded.

“That’s my point. You’re sweet,” Joel pointed out and he felt her pull her hand from under his. “Just…protect yourself. Okay? I know I have no right to insert myself in your life, but…”

“You’re right, you don’t have a right,” she pulled her jacket in closer to her body and shifted in her seat before him. “I love him. You don’t have to understand that.”

“And love sometimes makes you blind to the things that you should know to be right and wrong,” Joel began in a tense tone. “Just as my hatred for what my wife did blinded me from seeing what kind of person you really were. I’m not telling you to break up with the guy…just, be guarded. Something like this is going to end up with you hurt and that’s the last thing you want.”

“I know I’ll never have all of his heart,” she admitted and Joel let out a long breath. He slid back in his seat and rest his back against the chair. It almost seemed like he was overwhelmed with her answer, but wasn’t going to try and fight her on it. “I just know what it’s like to not have him in my life and I can’t have that either.”

“And I understand that even if you think I may not,” Joel bit at his bottom lip, clearly trying to think of a good way to end things. “I just want you to be guarded. If this man truly loves you, but loves someone else at the same time…just know it will hurt when all of your heart belongs to him, but only half of his belongs to you.”

“I…know,” she admitted, knowing that her feelings were already that way. Negan was special and she loved being with him, but she also knew how bad it felt when he would go back home to his wife. “I realize I’m not a good person and I know this is wrong.”

“But sometimes the heart does things to us that we can’t explain,” Joel acknowledged and she realized this was beginning to sound like a man she didn’t even know. The man that had told her that he hated all romance novels was agreeing with her and understanding why she felt the way she did about Negan. It was hard to really take because she didn’t know if he was saying this to her to make her feel better or if he was doing it because he really thought that it was the case. Either way she appreciated the sentiment of it all. “Just as someone who is supposed to…I guess look out for you, I just want you to take care of yourself. That’s all. You’re strong, but even the strongest of people can fall apart sometimes.”

“Thanks…I guess,” she cupped the mug in her hands and tilted her head to the side when Joel looked to the watch on his wrist. “We should probably head back, right?”

“Yeah. Do you want me to drop you off at your place?” Joel suggested and she nodded. “Give me a minute and then we can get going.”

Watching Joel get up from the table to head to restroom, she swallowed down hard and found herself in confusion over what just went down. Joel seemed to have a level head on him, but at the same time she really didn’t want to listen to the things he was saying. Never did he suggest she leave Negan, which she appreciated, but at the same time it was clear that he didn’t think the relationship was healthy. Either way, she knew that she was going to stay with Negan. People were never going to understand it, but the way Negan made her feel was special. And no one ever made her feel that way.

* * *

Letting out a long groan, Negan made it through the door of his home and dropped his stuff at his feet. Closing the door, he moved into the living room and dropped down on the couch. Throwing his arm over his eyes, Negan took a minute to rest. It had been a hard week at work since the school was training him again on something new. Not only that, but Lucille was back at wanting to have a baby again. With all that was going on, Negan found himself completely worn out and stressed by all the pressures going on in his life. 

“Oh, you’re home?” Lucille’s voice filled the air and Negan lifted his head enough to see her walking into the living room. Negan noticed that she had a pregnancy test in her hand and he let out a tense breath. By the expression over her features, Negan could tell what the results were. “It was negative again.”

“I’m sorry,” Negan frowned, dropping his head back down on the couch while she moved to his feet. She tapped his feet and Negan lifted them for her to sit. “Maybe it takes longer for it to read right Lucille. You may want to give it another day or so.”

“I’m sure in another day or so it will give us the same result,” Lucille caressed over Negan’s calf muscle and Negan let out an exhausted sigh. Negan was overwhelmed lately and this certainly wasn’t helping.

“Then we will just have to keep trying sweetheart,” Negan lifted his head enough to give her a half smile, trying to appease her with his answer. “It will happen, I’m sure of it.”

“I know we keep trying, but nothing ever comes from it Negan,” Lucille reminded him and she seemed stressed over what she was about to say. Setting the pregnancy test down on the coffee table, she shifted and her face twisted with discomfort. “I was thinking that maybe we should see someone about infertility treatments if something was wrong with one of us.”

“Do you even have time for something like that with work?” Negan lifted up on his elbows to stare down at her, but the expression she gave him was suspicious. “What is that look Lucille?”

“I may have made an appointment for you to go and see someone,” Lucille explained and Negan let out a deep laugh. “It’s at the end of the week. You will just have to leave work early and…”

“Lucille, I can’t just leave work early right now. You know that I’m having really busy weeks right now because of the training,” Negan pulled himself up into a seated position. “I don’t think I’m the problem. Do you think I’m the problem?”

“It wouldn’t be a bad thing if you were the one that was infertile Negan. Being sterile doesn’t mean you are broken, there are ways to help,” she began and Negan felt himself getting offended by her explanation. “They have treatments for it and…”

“You don’t even know if the problem is me,” Negan snorted, pulling himself away from her. “Listen baby, I love you and we’ll just keep trying…maybe the world is just waiting for the right time for us. It’s waiting for the moment that it’s meant to be.”

Negan thought things over and he could see that her face was twisting with anger. Sliding across the couch, he reached out to brush her dark hair away from her face and he dragged his tongue over her bottom lip, “I for one don’t have a problem with us keeping up with trying.”

“I just need you to go to this appointment Negan,” she grumbled, reaching up to pull his hand away from her face and Negan was clearly upset with her asking him of this. “They are just going to run some tests.”

“How about this? I will eat really healthy for a while. I’ll make sure to be on key with my fitness. Keep up with the training with the kids at school,” Negan offered and the distant look in Lucille’s green eyes told him that it wasn’t heading in the direction that he wanted. “Then we try again and if it still doesn’t work then I will go in and we can go in together.”

“Why wait if you could get it checked now Negan?” Lucille denied his offer and Negan groaned outwardly.

“Lucille, they are going to poke me with needles and then ask me to jerk off into a cup,” Negan insisted with a shake of his head. “I want us to have a child too, I do. I want you to be happy more than anything. I want you to have that little boy or little girl because I know nothing will make you happier. I just don’t think getting me tested is the way to go.”

“Why does it bother you going and getting it checked…if even for me?” Lucille poked at Negan, her eyebrow rising in confusion. “I mean what’s wrong with jacking off into a cup Negan? You’ve fucked worse things and wasted the sperm in a condom, right?”

“Wow…okay,” Negan uncomfortably laughed and lowered his hands. “We’re back at that again, huh? You go back to attacking me when I don’t give you what you want?”

“I’m just pointing out the obvious,” Lucille explained with a simple shrug. “If you would just care enough about me to do this…”

“I do care about you, but I have to do it on my schedule,” Negan reasoned with her and he could hear a tense sound coming from her throat. “I’m not lying to you when I tell you that I have to do things that are important for work.”

“You’re a fucking gym teacher Negan, what could possibly be important enough?” she mocked him and Negan felt his face flushing over after she made the comment. Lowering his head, Negan tried to keep his anger in check when she moved over toward the corner of the room. “If you had a job like I did, I would understand, but I’m pretty sure the kids could stand to lose their gym teacher for a day and I’m sure your coaching can take a back burner for a while.”

“Nice,” Negan licked at his lips and felt his chest ache. “Do you love me Lucille?”

“What kind of question is that?” she snorted. “Of course I love you. Why else would I still be with you if I didn’t love you?”

“Because you’re so busy and I’m the person that’s here? I’m the person that is still trying,” Negan reminded her and she frowned. “I thought you weren’t going to mock me for my job? I actually like what I do.”

“And you could have been so much more, but you were so insistent on becoming a ball player when you were younger,” she reminded him and Negan felt his jaw tightening while she spoke. “Now you have the most pathetic job of them all. You’re not even a teacher Negan. You’re a physical education teacher.”

“You make me feel like shit,” Negan announced, clearing his throat as he stared up at her. “I love you. I love you as you are and I wouldn’t change a thing about you, but you make me feel so bad. Just for once I wish you would look at me and tell me that you love me, unconditionally. Not that you love me as long as I’m doing what you want.”

“I want a baby Negan,” she restated and Negan nodded.

“Which is why whenever you want to try, I give it. Even if I feel awful, when you want to have sex…I let you,” Negan pointed out their recent trials of trying to get pregnant. “I want to make you happy and I’ve been trying.”

“You act like having sex is hard for you,” Lucille grunted, “It’s just hard for you because it is with me.”

“No. It’s not because of that. Lucille I love you and I want to make things special. I want us to eventually fix everything and be good with each other again. I know I’ve made mistakes that I can never…ever make up for you,” Negan stood from the couch and tried to move to her, but she pulled away from him. “But I’m trying. I just need to know you feel the way I do.”

“Why is this coming up when all I’ve done is ask you to go get some testing done?” Lucille scoffed and Negan folded his arms out in front of his chest. “Would it really be that hard for you?”

“We know I really don’t have a problem with the semen thing Lucille,” Negan once again tried to reason with her and she rolled her eyes.

“Just because you cum a lot Negan doesn’t mean that your sperm is working,” Lucille corrected him and Negan felt his whole body tense up. “The fact that you’ve had so much sex is probably why it stopped working.”

“If you want me to go, I’ll go. Just…you should come with me. We’ll get the testing done together. I’ll be your support system, you can be mine…” Negan offered and he watched her eyes roll. “What’s wrong with that Lucille? What’s wrong with us doing this together?”

“Because I don’t think it has anything to do with me. I feel like this is God’s way of punishing me for picking you,” Lucille blurt out and Negan’s eyebrows rose. “For deciding to stay with you. You spent so much time being with other people and…”

“Stop,” Negan boldly stepped forward and reached out to grab a firm hold of Lucille’s face. At first she fought him, but Negan urged her to look up at him. “We are going to keep trying. We’re going to figure everything out and everything is going to be fine. But this whole…attacking each other thing is not the way we should go about doing this. Okay? We’re going to work together and we’re going to make it happen. Okay?”

Lucille was silent as Negan bent down to press a loving kiss over her forehead. Negan’s fingers caressed over the back of her neck and attempted to soothe her in the best way possible. It seemed like for a moment it had worked before she pulled herself from his arms.

“How can you be so calm about this Negan?” she snapped and moved across the room to grab a hold of the glass that she had on the coffee table. Watching her drinking the water that she had out, Negan threw his hands up and shrugged. “I don’t understand how you can react like this when we keep trying and nothing happens. It makes it seem like you don’t give a shit.”

“I do give a shit Lucille. I care a lot. It’s sad because I’m the one that doesn’t give up on us,” Negan growled, his eyes narrowing as she looked over her shoulder at him. “I’m not the one who thinks that our relationship is shit. I’m the one that keeps trying to make it work and I believe that we will be able to do something about it. Unlike you. All this negative energy you have will get nothing accomplished. All this stress definitely isn’t helping. The stress alone that you’re under points fingers at you Lucille…”

Negan’s hands slid down in over his hips while he stared out at her, “Which is why I think…”

Lucille launched the glass she had at Negan, just missing him enough for the glass to hit the wall and shatter. A wince filled the air as Negan turned away from her and lowered down to his knees. When Lucille realized what she had done she let out a shocked sound and moved across the living room to try and touch Negan’s shoulder.

“Don’t touch me,” Negan snapped, pulling away from her and scrambling to his feet. Moving across the living room, he took a look at his face in the mirror and saw that part of the glass had cut his right cheekbone when it had shattered. “I was going to say which is why I think we should do this together, but fuck it.”

“I didn’t mean to do that Negan, I’m just upset,” she tried to apologize as Negan moved into the kitchen to grab a clean hand towel from one of the drawers. Negan dabbed at the blood that was on his face to see how badly he was bleeding. When he realized there was a bit of blood, Negan moved into the bathroom while Lucille followed him. “Let me look at it.”

“This is bullshit Lucille. What did I do to deserve this?” Negan looked at himself in the mirror and she pulled him to her so she could look at the wound.

“It doesn’t look deep. It just nicked the skin,” she informed him and Negan grunted when she reached up to touch the side of his face. “You know the face bleeds more because…”

“I think we need some time,” Negan pulled his face from hers and pulled the hand towel back up to his face. “If you want me to do the testing, I’ll do the testing Lucille, but this is ridiculous. How many times do I have to prove that I’m trying before you finally believe me?”

“I’m just upset because I want this to happen Negan,” she reminded him and Negan shrugged. “I want a baby and we’ve been at a loss for so long Negan.”

“I know, I’m also part of this Lucille. I’m trying, okay?” Negan defended himself and threw his hands up in the air. “I’ve done everything you wanted me to do. I keep trying and when you tell me to do something, I do it. I just think there are some things that we should be doing together. When we both are available without attacking each other.”

Lucille said nothing, just looked down toward the ground and Negan huffed. Moving out of the bathroom, he went for his keys and heard her following him not far behind, “Where are you going Negan?”

“I’m going to a friend’s house and I’m going to sleep on the couch,” Negan explained grasping his keys tightly in his hand as he moved toward the door to the garage. “I think you need time to cool down and so do I because I’m…pissed off right now and I don’t want to say something to you that I will regret when it will be my fucking emotions talking.”

“Like I just did?” she confirmed and Negan swallowed down hard. “Could we just try this again?”

“Not right now Lucille,” Negan shook his head and opened the door the garage. “Right now, we need some space for a few hours. I love you, but I need some space before we both say more things we don’t mean.”

Moving out into the garage, Negan got into his mustang and began to pull out of the garage. Lucille was standing in the doorway watching him leave and Negan reached for his sunglasses. There was still blood sliding down the side of his face and he cussed. While he understood Lucille’s frustrations, the fact that she threw a glass at him in the first place absolutely blew his mind. While he understood her being overwhelmed and upset, he couldn’t deal with this right now and he wasn’t going to.

* * *

“Well thank you for taking me for coffee,” Y/N looked over at Joel as he drove down the street where her new home with Negan was. Joel was looking at the houses, a puzzled expression was over his face as he looked them over and when she pointed to the house Joel pulled in front of it. Joel leaned across and pulled his sunglasses from his face. The hard lines in his face got deeper as he looked between her and the house and cleared his throat. “What?”

“This is your home?” Joel confirmed and she nodded. “You? A college student? You are staying in a nice place like that instead of dorm or an apartment with friends? All alone?”

“Well, I have a roommate,” she lied, keeping up with what she told her parents. “They just go to school full time and also work full time.”

“Yeah…okay,” Joel chuckled, looking toward the driveway and when she did the same he could see her face absolutely lighting up when she saw the classic mustang in the driveway. “I may not know you well, but I’m pretty good at calling bullshit and I’m calling that right now. That car right there is your boyfriend’s car, isn’t it?”

“You are quite a nosey man, aren’t you Joel Baker?” she looked to him, her right eyebrow perking up as she gave him a long once over. The feeling of her heart pounding inside of her chest was felt and she knew that deep down she was overly excited. Today was not one of the typical days for Negan to be over and he definitely was never here this early. So she could only imagine what he was doing there. “I live here alone most of the time.”

“Impressive,” Joel winked and let out a tight laugh. “It’s typical for the man you explained to me to have a car like that by the way.”

“Says the guy driving a Mercedes,” she retorted with a half laugh, taking note of the luxury car that she was sitting in with Joel. Joel laughed and nodded slowly, pulling his sunglasses back on.

“Touché,” Joel continued to snicker before reaching out to squeeze his fingers around the wheel. “So are we good?”

“I don’t know, that kind of depends on you,” she replied with a shrug of her shoulders. “Are we good?”

“I’m good,” he nodded and sighed. “As long as you are okay with everything, I think we can start a clean slate with the two of us?”

“Well, I’m still going to be cautious of you,” she tilted her head to the side and smirked. “I’m going to have to be careful with the things that I say around you.”

“Oh? You mean there is more secrets to your life that will make me react the way I did?” Joel poked and she rolled her eyes. “We’re good, seriously. I realize I was being an asshole and you called me out on it. I know what I did was wrong. This…all this is none of my business.”

“Right…” she let her mind linger and she looked to the house. “I guess I’m going to be that person that should mind my own business…but can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me, but it doesn’t mean I have to tell you,” Joel smirked and she found herself charmed with his answer.

“Have you ever thought about trying to find someone else?” Y/N looked back to the house hoping that Negan wouldn’t look out because she could only imagine what his mind would think seeing her with an older man in the front inside of a really nice luxury car. “I know it is none of my business, but your ex-wife was clearly just not the person for you and I think…I think your daughter would want you happy Joel. Maybe you can find someone who loves you and makes you want to write a happy ending to your story.”

“Could we…not talk about my daughter?” Joel cleared his throat and she could see the way his face scrunched up. “I understand what you are saying and while I appreciate the whole thing…”

“It still hurts,” she finished and saw his Adam’s apple bounce in his throat when he nodded. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t know,” Joel tried to wave it off and he looked up toward the house again.

“Maybe you should find someone to give you that blowjob,” she blurt out. Joel looked at her and even though the sunglasses were over his face, the expression he gave her was enough to make her laugh and she shrugged. “I’m just saying. Unless you’ve found someone to do that already?”

“That whole mind your own business thing…” Joel began with a laugh, his head tilting to the side. “I think this is where we both say our goodbyes and we both mind our own business.”

“Okay…okay, I’m just saying,” she held her hands up in the air and reached for her things from the backseat. “I’m glad we were able to have this talk. Well…not the talk about you having a blowjob, but you know the…”

“I know, now get out of my car,” Joel shooed her with another snort. “Get out of here before you make us any more uncomfortable.”

“No problem,” she pulled open the door and got out. She waved goodbye to him and he did the same. Moving up the driveway and the sidewalk to the door, she noticed that Joel waited for her to get inside the house before leaving. It made her smile knowing he was like that. Joel was definitely old fashioned and it showed. Closing the door once she was inside, Y/N heard the sound of a football game on in the background and stepped into the living room to see Negan sitting on the couch with a beer in his right hand. “Hey you…”

“Good evening beautiful,” Negan winked from where he was sitting. Pulling his feet from where they were crossed on the coffee table, Negan set his beer down and stood up. Moving across the living room, he reached out and wrapped his arms around her tightly. “I missed you.”

“Are you drunk?” she heard Negan slurring and when he pulled back to look her over with his big eyes, she smirked. “You are…”

Noticing the butterfly bandage on his face, she reached up to caress over the side of his face and he winced when she touched it, “What happened here?”

“Lucille did it,” Negan answered and he found himself shocked that he was completely honest with her about it. Y/N gave him an expression that showed she was confused and nodded back toward the couch for her to sit with him. “It’s a long story. Oh, I brought us some Chinese food for when you got home too. It’s in the kitchen.”

“Hey wait,” she watched Negan go to get up and she sat down beside him. Urging him to set the beer down on the table, she reached for Negan’s hands and could tell that he was avoiding looking at her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Negan shook his head and bit down on his bottom lip. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Of course I’m going to worry about it,” she hushed, reaching out to brush her fingers through his thick, dark hair. “I care about you…”

“I know you do, it’s just…” Negan watched her eyes shifting over his face to get another look at the bandage over his face. “She was mad at me and she threw a glass at me. I don’t know if she was aiming for me, but the glass shattered against the wall and a piece got me.”

“Is it okay?” she grabbed a tight hold of his face and turned his head so she could get a look at it. “Was there anything in it?”

“No, she just nicked it and the head bleeds a lot so don’t be worried when you see the bloody tissues in the bathroom later,” Negan informed her and he could see the look of displeasure over her face. “I’m really okay.”

“But what were you guys fighting over?” she thought of what would make Lucille made enough to throw something at him like that. “Is everything okay?”

“I just needed some time away from her,” Negan declared with a heavy sigh. “We’re fine; I just…when she gets her mind on things, she doesn’t let it go. It makes her crazy and if you dare tell her no, she loses her shit. It’s unbelievable.”

“So she doesn’t know about us?” she confirmed and Negan chuckled making her realize that this was nothing to do with Negan having two lives. “That’s a no?”

“That’s a no,” Negan answered with a grin. “Trust me; my face would be much worse off if it was about us.”

“Then what was it about?” she traced her fingertips through Negan’s hair, brushing it back and Negan seemed to get comfortable with her doing that. Sliding in closer to him on the couch, her hand pressed in over the center of his chest and Negan cuddled in closer to her. The warmth of him felt amazing and she loved having him close like this.

“You don’t want me talking about Lucille,” Negan groaned, his nose nestling against the side of her neck as he snuggled his body in closer to hers. “You’ll only get upset and I don’t want that.”

“But you can always talk to me,” she closed her eyes feeling Negan pressing soft, teasing kisses over her neck and it made a breath catch in the back of her throat. Closing her eyes, she took in the feeling and heard Negan groan against the side of her neck.

“She wants a baby and she hasn’t been able to get pregnant,” Negan admitted and his answer made an immediate ache press in over the center of her chest. Negan was attempting to have a baby with Lucille while having this relationship with her? “Apparently she thinks I’m the problem. I guess she thinks that I’m sterile and that I’m not capable of having children.”

“Are you?” she swallowed down and Negan snickered against the side of her neck.

“I don’t seem to have a problem with my cum,” Negan pulled back enough and his narrowed hazel eyes were staring out at her. “You know. It’s not like I have a problem with it, but she refuses to believe that maybe it is her and not me. I’ve been trying to give her what she wants, but it hasn’t been happening.”

“You’re trying to have a baby with Lucille?” she confirmed and when she brought that up, Negan made a face as if he made a mistake in telling her. If he wasn’t drunk she was sure these were things that Negan would have never told her.

“I mean…” Negan stammered, his eyes shifting before he cleared his throat and reached for his beer again. “Lucille has wanted us to try, yeah. It was going on long before I ever met you.”

“And what happens if she ends up getting pregnant?” she prodded and Negan took a long swig of his beer. Negan seemed to be avoiding the question and she half laughed. “Negan, it’s one thing to be sleeping with a married man, but another to be sleeping with a married man who has a newborn baby.”

“Lucille isn’t pregnant Y/N,” Negan grunted with a frown. “You have nothing to worry about. We’re not having a baby.”

“But what if you do?” she questioned, watching Negan’s eyebrows perk up when she reached for his beer to set it back down on the coffee table. “I love you, but I almost think that would be too much for me Negan.”

“You love me,” Negan reminded her and she found herself lost for words. “And if that hurdle ever happens, then we will face it head on together, but until then…you have nothing to worry about sweetheart. I promise. Now let me go get that Chinese food so it doesn’t get too cold on us.”

“Negan…” she breathed out and he got up from the couch, moving away from the living room and toward the kitchen. While she was happy to have Negan with her, the thought that Negan was still sleeping with Lucille attempting to get her pregnant kind of bothered Y/N. Sure, she had no room to speak because she was the mistress in the whole thing, but it still was hard to picture that Negan was still attempting to have a regular life with his wife while still trying to have a life of his own with her. It had been a few weeks since they had the house together and while she loved spending the time with Negan, the harder she thought about things, the harder they all became. When Negan came back into the room, he set the food out and when he took a seat she reached out to pull him in closer to her so she could press a kiss over his lips. “I love you.”

“I love you more,” Negan replied with a wink, peppering her with kisses and she smiled while taking in what he said. While she really wished that to be true, she truly doubted that.

* * *

“What are we doing here Negan?” Y/N looked up at the house that Negan shared with Lucille. Today was quite pleasant since she had gotten to spend all evening, night and morning with Negan. Sure, it was because he was angry with Lucille, but she loved being able to sleep in bed with Negan again. Nothing felt better than the feeling of Negan’s arms holding her tight while they slept. Everything felt right in the world when she was with him and she never got better sleep than she did when she was sleeping in Negan’s arms. Negan looked to her with a smirk and he shrugged his shoulders. “Are you just going to run in and grab what you need while I sit here?”

“No, we’re going to run in and grab what I need together,” Negan asserted, nudging her with his elbow. Pushing his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose, Negan’s thick eyebrows arched up and he flashed her a bright smile. “Don’t be a pussy. She’s not home.”

“I’m not comfortable with this,” Y/N proclaimed, following Negan out of the car as she followed him up the front yard to the door. “Negan, are we sure that she’s not home?”

“She wrote me this morning and told me that she had a meeting with someone. Right after she is going to work,” Negan informed her with a bright smile. “Seriously, don’t worry. Her car isn’t even in the driveway. I swear I wouldn’t be taking you in here if she was in the house.”

“I know, but I don’t feel like I belong in your home,” she stood on the porch while Negan pushed open the front door. Standing where she was, her eyes surveyed the foyer before her and she gulped. “This is your personal place with her. I feel like I should have my place with you and she should have hers. Crossing the lines…that doesn’t feel like it’s going to work. It’s getting dangerous.”

“Come on,” Negan laughed, reaching out to grab a hold of her arm. Tugging her into the house, Negan closed the door and she stiffened upon seeing the home around her. Everything was decorated in a completely different way from the way that Negan had set up their home together. It made her wonder if Negan was just completely different around her or if this was more so the decoration of Negan’s wife. Following Negan down the hall, she noticed photos that were of Lucille and Negan. Discomfort flooded her entire body while looking over the history of Negan and Lucille before her. “What is it?”

“I don’t feel so good,” she alerted him and Negan stepped forward to cup her face in his hands firmly. “I think I should go back to the car.”

“You’re just going to help me carry some things back to the car. I’m going to pack a few things in a box for us to have at our place. Okay?” Negan confirmed with her and she nodded. Her eyes shifted from him, but he forced her to look back at him. “Don’t worry about this, everything is fine.”

“Everything doesn’t feel fine,” she huffed, following him down the hallway toward a room that was in the back. Negan pushed open the door and she followed him into what appeared to be a bedroom. Her face flushed over and Negan laughed.

“Baby, relax. This is the guest room and this where I’ve spent most of my nights in this relationship. The bedroom with Lucille is upstairs, so don’t freak,” Negan stated with a half laugh, trying to calm her in his best way. “I’m going to go get a box to pack some things up. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Sure,” she nodded, moving further into the bedroom. Stepping toward the back of the room, she saw that it had a sliding door that led to a deck that was in the backyard. There was a beautiful garden in the backyard and the way that they had it set up was actually quite charming. An urge to admire it was there, but still…she felt awful about being in the home of the woman that she was married to the man that Y/N was having an affair with. The sound of Negan walking back into the room was heard and she looked over her shoulder to see Negan setting the box on the bed. “So what are we getting?”

“Some clothes that are down here that she wouldn’t realize they were missing. A few personal items…” Negan explained as he grabbed some of his things from the closet. First he folded them and then put them in the box before digging through the closet that was down there. Negan had a few sports memorabilia that he was throwing into the box along with a camcorder and she laughed. “What?”

“What do we need that for?” she saw Negan’s eyebrow perk up when he stared down at it. “I’m sure you will want one here with her…”

“We have a few of these,” Negan stated with a grunt, pulling it open and giving her a big smirk when he started recording her. Negan’s tongue dragged out over his bottom lip, his face growing very expressive as she rolled her eyes. “I need one for us…something better than phone video. I want to be able to document our life together too.”

“You’re a dork,” she pushed into the center of his chest watching him laugh while he continued to record her with the camcorder. “Let’s get what we have to and then get the heck out of here, okay?”

“Yes ma’am,” Negan winked and lowered the camera down. “There is something under the bed I need you to grab for me.”

“Sure,” she lowered down to her knees and saw the way that Negan smirked and moved around her. Pressing her hands in over the floor; she braced herself and looked under the bed. A confused sound fell from her throat when she realized nothing was under the bed. “What am I looking for under here Negan? There is nothing…”

The sound of something hitting the floor was heard and she looked beside her to see the shirt that Negan was wearing there. Gasping, she felt Negan moving in behind her on the ground and she pushed up onto her palms. The force of Negan grabbing her and urging her up to her knees was felt and she pulled herself forward.

“What are you doing?” she felt Negan’s groin pressing in over her bottom and she could see that Negan had set the camcorder on the nightstand. “Not here…”

“Be adventurous,” Negan hushed her, his hand pressing up the small of her back before reaching her hair to tug on it firmly. A shuddering exhale fell from her throat when he lifted her up on her knees and could feel her body heating up just at the closeness of him. Negan’s rough palm wrapped around her neck while his other hand grabbed a hold of her jaw to urge her face to the side so he could kiss her over and over again. “I know you have it in you.”

“Negan,” she purred, opening her mouth enough for his tongue to dip between her lips and she panicked when his hands slid beneath her pants to caress over her damp heat. “Wait. Not in the house. Not here. I like adventurous, but not in the home you share with your wife.”

“Shhh…” Negan slurred as his foot managed to connect with the door of the guest room to close it. Maybe he thought that would make her feel more comfortable, but it really didn’t. “You worry too much about that.”

“Shouldn’t I?” she panted when he bit at her jawline. A whimper fell from her throat when his fingertips connected with her clit making her hips arch forward into his palm and a proud sound escaped Negan’s throat. Uncontrollably, her body seemed to want to rock into the caress of his fingers over her body and it didn’t help that his hips were bucking up against her from behind. “I’m thinking about you too.”

“And I’m thinking about you,” Negan grunted while reaching for the bottom of her shirt. Negan yanked it up and over her body haphazardly with his free hand. Without hesitation, Negan deposited her shirt on the floor beside them and pulled his hand back to cup over her breast. Even with her mind against everything that was happening, her body loved being touched by him and Negan knew it. “You’re so fucking wet.”

Chills filled her body with the warmth of Negan’s voice vibrating against her earlobe. Closing her eyes tightly, she focused on the feeling of his caress getting faster over her. Negan knew how to touch her and knew exactly what it would take for her to be eating out of the palm of his hand. A sigh of relief filled the air when Negan pulled his hand from down her pants, but the relief was short lasted when she felt Negan tugging at the material of them almost making her fall over. Negan managed to get the material of her pants and underwear down to her knees. The cool air surrounding her made her shudder as Negan quickly moved behind her working to get his pants open.

“You are a constant source of surprise, you know that?” Negan moved in behind her as his hand settled in over her stomach to keep her in place with his arm around her. A nervous sound filled the air when she felt Negan’s erection pressed up against her bottom, but soon enough the sensation of Negan reaching between them was felt making her gasp when he first thrust into her from behind. There was no doubt that she would have fallen forward if not for his right arm wrapping around her shoulders to keep her up. Slamming her eyes shut, she immediately felt Negan thrusting into her from behind. The sound of his soft moans filled the air, his left hand caressing over her torso while he did it. Pulling at the cup of her bra, Negan managed to pull the material down enough for his warm palm to squeeze at her breast.

“You always feel so fucking good, you know that?” Negan growled, his hips bouncing into hers again and again. The smacking of their skin filled the air. Sounds of desperation were falling from her lips while one of her palms reached around to grasp at Negan’s thigh. “You like this, don’t you?”

Saying nothing, she stayed where she was while Negan fucked her. There was a sense of guilt that filled her, but damn being with Negan felt amazing. His movements were rough, the crude sounds their bodies making together filled the room and everything inside of her was getting hot. Negan’s hand dropped down, his fingers caressing her clit in tempo with the thrusts of his cock inside of her.

“That’s right,” Negan heard her crying out and he continued with the pace he was at. When her body started to contract around him, he urged her arm back and around his shoulders to keep her from falling. Quickening his thrusts, Negan lowered his head enough to take her nipple into his mouth while she held tightly to him. Teasing and taunting her with small bites and circles from his tongue over her skin was driving her crazy. Nothing turned him on quite like the sounds of a job well done and Y/N always let him know he was doing a good job.

“Fuck…” she shook when Negan got her to an orgasm, her body wanting to give out completely as he continued to buck up against her through her orgasm. After, Negan laughed and scoot back, his body pulling from hers.

“Service,” Negan teased her, his lips pressing soft kisses over the side of her neck. “We should stand…my knees are shit. Stand up Y/N.”

“My legs are shaking,” she informed him and he still urged her to move. When she finally got enough strength, Negan grabbed a hold of the material of her pants along with her panties and made her step out of them. Managing to grab a hold of the nightstand, she balanced herself and Negan got up behind her. Another gasp fell from her lips when Negan reached around her and grabbed the camcorder that he clearly had recording them. Watching him, she saw him placing it on the desk before he turned her toward it. Fumbling with her bra, Negan took no time after getting it from her body in sinking his body back into her from behind. “Negan, I’m going to fall, my legs…”

“I’m not going to let you fall,” Negan’s palm fell in over her lips, while his other hand urged her hips back against his over and over again. It didn’t take long until he felt her shaking again and he laughed. “See, I knew you would like this…”

While she wanted to announce that this felt so wrong, she found herself staying quiet while he continued smacking up against her, clearly trying to reach his own release. Sadly, she was hoping it was sooner rather than later. Not that she wasn’t enjoying it, but she just wanted this over with considering where they were. The faster, the better.

“Fuck,” Negan moaned from behind her, his hips pounding up into hers over and over again. She cried out feeling his hands holding tightly to her hips at a bruising grasp. Negan’s mouth was over the side of her neck while she glanced over at the camcorder he had set up. “Oh, you have the tightest pussy I’ve ever fucked…”

“Negan,” she whimpered, feeling her thighs shaking in the position that he had her in. It was crazy how easily Negan could make her body react to him, even in the weirdest of situations. Today Negan was definitely testing her bending abilities as well as her stamina with the positions he had her in.

"I love you," Negan breathed against the side of her neck making her eyes slam shut while his body continued to plunge deeply within hers. It was hard staying up on her shaken legs and if it wasn't for Negan holding onto her, she was sure she would have fallen over. "I love you so much." 

Reaching back, she grabbed a handful of Negan's hair and turned her head enough to meet his lips in a kiss. Negan grunted against her mouth, pushing his tongue between her parted lips. Tremors started to fill her body while the tip of Negan's cock rubbed against her g-spot over and over again. The sound of their skin smacking filled the air and she let out a loud wail. Liquid warmth filled her body like lava and she shook everywhere. There were butterflies in her stomach and Negan was the only man that could get her feeling like that. Her vision clouded over, making her desperately grasp to what she could so she would fall over.

"Good girl," Negan huffed against her lips, moving forward while still inside of her to get closer to the camera he had set up. There was a shot Negan clearly wanted and he wasn’t afraid to move her around like a ragdoll to get it.

The sound of a car door closing was heard and she gasped, "Negan, stop. Lucille?" 

"Shh...that’s not her," Negan hushed her, starting to thrust harder and faster inside of her. The sensation of his skin smacking against hers sent a rush throughout her body, but the fear of what she heard outside got her more. "I need to cum." 

“No, that’s definitely your wife,” she insisted hearing another sound of possibly a trunk closing and she tried to pull her body from his, but Negan kept her in place.

Going to say something more when she heard the sound of keys at the door, she tensed up and Negan instantly wrapped his hand around her mouth to silence her while his movements kept up inside of her. 

"I need to cum so bad baby, be quiet," Negan continued to thrust into her again and again while the sound of the front door opening was heard. A rush of panic filled her body as Negan's thrusts continued. They got faster and harder with his hand wrapped firmly around her mouth while he did it. "I'm almost there." 

Her eyes slammed shut while Negan's muted groans against the side of her neck were felt. She whimpered with every movement while she heard footsteps moving throughout the house. Negan's thrusts started slowing down when she felt the first hint of his release inside of her. Negan bit at the side of her neck, clearly trying to mute his moan as he came inside of her. 

Negan's heavy breaths continued while he followed through with movements until the end of his orgasm. It was like as soon as he came, something clicked inside of his head that reminded him his wife was clearly home. Immediately Negan pulled his body from hers and quickly pulled his pants back up. She fell forward, her hands grasping onto the table while Negan shuffled behind her. Fear was flooding her veins while her heart hammered inside of her chest and she felt like the world was crashing down around her. Negan had said there was no way that she would come home. 

"Negan?" she heard who she assumed to be Lucille call out and Negan urged her up, shoving Y/N’s clothes into her chest. Her legs were shaking and she tried to desperately pull her panties back up over her body as Negan moved her toward the sliding door at the back of the room that led to the porch. 

"Quickly," Negan urged her and gave her a quick shove to get her out the back door. She tried pulling her clothes on hoping no one saw her while she did it and she watched Negan scramble for the camera he had out. He tossed it into the box after turning it off, grabbed the box and threw it in her arms. The quickness of it all almost made her drop it. Her body was extremely weak and she was still shaking. "I'm so fucking sorry."

“Negan, I have nowhere to go,” she looked to the box and Negan looked between the door and her. Cussing, he threw his hands up in the air and she let out a tense laugh. “You drove.”

“Find somewhere, I’ll call you when she’s gone. She has work, she’s probably only home to grab something,” Negan gave her an apologetic glance before closing the sliding door before her. Standing there for a moment, she saw Negan scrambling to pick things up and he waved her to move when he pulled on his shirt.

Doing what he asked of her, she made sure no one would notice her escaping from his backyard. Walking between the houses, she got far enough away that she was a few blocks over before looking down at the box in her hands. Cussing to herself, she realized how fucked everything just became and she felt…awful.

Setting the box down, she looked at the time and realized that she was in some random neighborhood with nowhere to go and had a box of Negan’s stuff that he had wanted to take to their home. While Negan had asked her to wait for him, this was just…too much.

Reaching for her phone, she had no idea who to call. There was only one person that she could think of and she cussed to herself. Calling them, she apologized profusely and asked them to come and get her. It was an awkward exchanged, but they agreed to come and get her. The waiting was one of the most embarrassing things she had ever felt after her ‘walk of shame’.

After what felt like forever, she saw the familiar car pulling up and she reached down for the box that she had set on the ground while she waited. While she asked someone to pick her up, she had half expected Negan to call her and find a way out to her since he said his wife was likely only stopping in to pick something up since she had work. Yet, she heard nothing from Negan. For the first time since being with Negan, she found herself angry at him. Angry that he pushed her to that and for making her feel so dirty. She realized that it was just as much her fault because she didn’t tell him no, but it still bothered her. This was the first time she had felt something like this and it made her upset. Not only with him, but also with herself.

“Are you running away?” Y/N watched the window roll down and she saw Joel pushing his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose to look at her. “You know when I gave you guys my cellphone number in class it was for people to call me if they needed help with a project or to tell me if they were having and emergency so they would be missing. It wasn’t for my students to randomly call me to ask for a ride.”

“Can I have a ride or not?” she questioned with an exasperated breath and Joel waved her on. An embarrassed flush pressed in over her cheeks and she felt weird for having to call her professor, but he was the only person she could think of at the time. The conversation they had a while ago made her realize that possibly he would be someone that would actually help her after they admitted things to each other. 

“I came, didn’t I?” Joel reminded her and she got into the passenger’s seat of the car. When she got comfortable in the seat beside him, Joel took a look at the things that were in the box and cleared his throat uneasily. “Do I want to know?”

“I’m not really okay right now Joel,” Y/N explained and his expression turned very serious. He nodded and grabbed a firm hold of the wheel. There was an awkward silence between the two of them and she wasn’t about to tell him what happened. If she was thinking badly of herself, there was no way that Joel would have been okay with what she had just done. Calling him was embarrassing enough as it was. 

“Where do you want to go? You want me to take you home?” Joel offered and she squeezed at the box that was in her hands. Her face was hot and she felt lost in the moment. Part of her thought she should stick around just in case Negan called her, but there was also the chance that his wife wouldn’t be going to work at all and she felt stuck.

“Just…anywhere, but here,” she pled and Joel nodded. Lowering her head, she knew that Negan asked her to stick around, but she just didn’t feel comfortable. The way she was feeling mixed with what had happened was really bothering her. Part of her wanted to listen to him, but the other part thought about how they were almost caught by Negan’s wife doing something that they should have never been doing in the first place. So sticking around waiting for Negan was not an option.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader/oc has to deal with the fallout of what happens after Negan tossed her out of his home. After having her upset with him, Negan decides that it's time to finally make a step in their relationship to make her happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to anyone that reads it. I edited this very late in the night so once again, sorry for anything that's wrong. Love you guys!

It must have been uncomfortable for Joel having a student that he barely knew asking him for a ride and likely even weirder that Y/N wasn’t talking, but she couldn’t find it in herself to speak right now. There was dead silence between the two of them, yet he didn’t make a big deal of it. It seemed like Joel knew she needed time to herself to think and he gave it to her.

After a while, the sensation of the car stopping was felt and Joel had turned the car off. Looking up, she noticed that they were at an old fashioned diner. When she looked to Joel she could see that he was staring out at her with a stern expression. “What are we doing? Where are we?”

“Something tells me you aren’t ready to go home yet,” Joel pointed out and nodded toward the restaurant. “I figured something to eat might be good for you.”

“How do you know what’s good for me?” she snapped and almost immediately she regretted it. The man was just being kind to her and instead of taking his offer, she was being a bitch. Sighing heavily, she frowned and looked to the box of Negan’s things. “I’m sorry, that was bitchy.”

“No, it’s fine,” Joel dismissed her worries, “Just trust me on this one, okay?”

Carefully putting the box in Joel’s back seat, she followed him out of the car. When they got inside of the restaurant she had excused herself so she could go and clean up in the restroom. Honestly, she felt dirty and sadly very used after what Negan had done. It was hard knowing that Negan still hadn’t even bothered to call her back yet. Was he expecting her to wait around that whole time for him? What did he think she was going to do? That idea just kept digging around in her head. He tossed her out of his house after sex, with a box full of his things and no form of transportation. What the hell had he expected of her to do?

When she was done in the restroom, she moved back into the dining area to see Joel sitting in the corner at a booth. There were two large chocolate milkshakes on the table and she gave him an awkward glance when she approached the table.

“What’s this?” Y/N pointed between the milkshakes and Joel shrugged.

“I often find that when I’m feeling bad about something a chocolate shake from this place usually does the trick,” Joel answered and she smirked, lowering down into the booth across from him. “If you aren’t into it though, I can…”

Y/N pulled the chocolate shake in closer to her and took a long sip of it making Joel smirk. His hazel eyes were hooked on hers before he did the same and took a sip himself of his.

“Something tells me you don’t drink these much Joel,” she blurt out with the taste of the chocolate still lingering over her tongue when she pulled away. With Joel’s form, she wouldn’t say he was the most muscular person there was, but just from his arms alone she could tell that he liked to keep himself in shape. “You would look a lot different if this were true.”

“Well, in the really bad moments I like to indulge to make myself feel better,” he winked, reaching for the straw to twirl it around in the milkshake. “I hope you don’t mind, but I ordered us a couple of burgers and some fries.” 

“So now you are ordering for me? What kind of man are you Joel Baker?” her head tilted to the side and Joel’s eyebrows perked up almost worried that he offended her by ordering for her. A crack of a smile teased in over her lips and she could see Joel giving her a glare. “I’m teasing you. Thank you for that, but I can’t really pay you for it because....”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Joel held his hand up in the air to cut her off, “It’s my treat.”

“That’s really nice of you,” she swallowed down hard and Joel shrugged his shoulders. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I know,” Joel nodded, reaching for his milkshake to take another sip of it.

The sound of her phone vibrating on the table was heard and she looked down beside her to see that it was Negan calling. Her heart skipped a beat. She wanted to answer the phone, but at the same time she was angry at him. Joel noticed her swiftly denying the call, but clearly kept it to himself when the waitress came back with a few burgers and one large plate of fries for them. Joel thanked the waitress who clearly knew who he was by name and she realized he wasn’t lying when he told her he frequented the diner a bit.

Once again her phone started vibrating and she ignored it. She didn’t care if Negan was worried or what Negan wanted. Right now she wanted to be in a place that didn’t involve Negan and she was truly upset with the way things had turned out. The way Negan had made her feel today was unlike anything she had ever felt before with him and he had made her feel bad a few times. This time, he left her feeling used and like some cheap trick that he picked up on the side of the street. So instead of worrying about Negan, her focus was going to be on the meal that Joel was kind enough to get the both of them.

At the start of their meal there was a large amount of silence between the two of them. Although, it seemed like Joel knew that things were awkward and he attempted to make it more comfortable by cracking an occasional joke. They would talk about classes and school to try to make her more comfortable. It was awkward, but Joel was doing his best to make it as friendly as he could between them.

“So…what did Negan do?” Joel finally blurt out and Y/N lifted her head from her plate after picking at the French Fries that were in front of her. The look she gave him was almost shocked.

“How do you know his name?” her head tilted to the side and Joel pointed toward her phone where it was buzzing showing that it was Negan calling her again.

“Negan has called you several times and you’ve avoided answering it every time. So by power of deduction, I realized Negan must be the boyfriend,” Joel reached for one of the fries and plopped it into his mouth. “It’s kind of weird because the guy my wife cheated with was named Negan.”

“Bullshit,” she looked to her phone and felt an ache develop over the center of her chest. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Of course I’m kidding,” Joel snickered with a mouthful, “What kind of name is Negan anyways? Hell, that would be a funny story though, right?”

“That would be an awful story,” she grunted and Joel wrinkled his nose before reaching for the burger on his plate. “The worst part is that I actually believed you for a second. Which either makes me really gullible or it makes Negan awful enough that I actually think he would do something like what happened to you with your wife.”

“Hey, you love him…” Joel waved his hand that had his burger in it in the air dismissively, “So he can’t be that bad, right?”

“I guess so,” her cheeks flushed over when she thought about what Negan did to her today. If Joel was saying she was a good judge of character, he would certainly change his mind if he found out what had happened today. Trying to change the subject, she felt her cheeks flushing over with warmth and cleared her throat. “I bet you take all the girls here…you charm them with your chocolate milkshakes.”

“Oh yeah, because the girls really love seeing me chow down on a burger and they love sucking down those calories,” Joel grumbled with a mouthful of his burger after taking a big bite, making her chuckle at his reaction. This was a different side to Joel than she had expected to see. Maybe a little less professional than what she imagined, but it was nice to know that he was still human. His southern accent came off all the more silly while he had a mouthful of burger. “All the girls are eager to go home and make out after this. On the days I’m doing really well and I want to make the girls feel extra special we go for the chili cheese burgers and chili cheese fries. The girls really love that.”

“I bet they are eating out of the palm of your hand after those dates,” she played along with him and reached for her milkshake. “It sounds like a real good time.”

“Oh, I’m a real good time,” Joel almost mocked himself when he set what was left of his burger back on the plate. A snicker fell from her throat when she saw that he had ketchup all over his face. “What?”

“You’re really charming, you know that?” she rolled her eyes, reaching for a napkin and leaned over the table to wipe at his face. When Joel saw what she had gotten, he snorted.

“See, I told you…” Joel pulled away as she set the napkin aside, “real sexy.”

“Some girls might like it, you know?” she insisted with a firm nod. “You know, I saw you as the prim and proper type so this is really an eye opening moment for me.”

“Prim and proper?” Joel snorted at her response. “Have you taken a look at what I wear? Often I’m wearing jeans and long sleeve shirt during class. I’m from Texas and the accent doesn’t at all come off prim and proper. I mean if I talked like a posh Englishmen, sure, but prim and proper?”

“Well you did threaten me that you were an award winning professor,” she reminded him and Joel groaned, rolling his eyes at the comment. A laugh fell deep from within her at the response he had to her reminding him of being an asshole to her. “I’m just saying…”

“Us southern gentleman can still be fucking assholes at times too,” Joel shrugged his shoulders and reached for one of the fries from the plate they were sharing. “I bet it really let you down walking into my class and hearing my accent. You probably read my stories and thought I was some tight ass, New Yorker type.”

“No, you certainly aren’t a New Yorker type,” she teased and watched his eyes rise to hers when she hinted he was a tight ass. An amused sound fell from his throat and she smirked. “I didn’t care what you looked or sounded like. All I knew is that you were a good writer and I wanted to learn from you.”

“Hopefully I don’t let you down any further,” Joel winked and lowered his head back down. Watching him closely, she saw him dip his fry into his shake before bringing it back up to his lips.

“You know, Negan took me to places like this a lot,” she informed him, taking a look around the area. It made her think about when her and Negan first started hanging out together during the summer. It was when they were constantly doing things together and at the time she had found it ridiculously charming.

“Oh…how romantic. Why am I not surprised?” Joel grumbled, his hazel eyes narrowing out at her almost in a judging fashion making her roll her eyes. “I mean, he really knows how to woo a woman, doesn’t he?”

“It didn’t take much with me,” she realized that as soon as she said that it actually sounded really bad. “What I mean by that is I just liked spending as much time with him as I could. We could have done anything and I would have really loved it. Negan is really romantic with me, don’t think that he isn’t. I’m just saying…”

“I wasn’t asking, but if you want to defend him to me…that’s okay,” Joel shrugged and reached up to brush his short, messy hair out of his face. “Are you going to tell me what happened to have you on the street corner with a box of all of his shit in it?”

“No,” she answered simply and Joel nodded.

“Blunt. I like it,” he laughed, noticing her phone was lighting up again with Negan calling her. “Are you going to let the poor guy keep calling you or are you going to answer him and make up with him like you want to?”

“I don’t want to answer him right now,” she honestly spoke and Joel stayed silent. “I like where I am at right now.”

“Well I’d love to say that we could stay here all night, but I’m sure you know that’s not possible,” Joel took notice of the way she was watching him. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” she shrugged.

“Did you call me because I was the only person you knew that could drive on campus…,” Joel pointed out the obvious answer before leaning forward in closer to her, “Or are you here with me because I’m one of the only people that knows your secret and you need someone to talk to?”

“I…don’t know,” she stammered realizing that Joel’s second comment actually made sense. Maybe that’s why she did call him. “Does it matter?”

“Well, if it’s the second…I’m perfectly happy to be your friend,” Joel offered, his eyes searching hers for a moment, “But I would suggest you potentially take someone else’s course next semester because I’m not so sure people would be okay with the two of us being friends when I’m supposed to be your professor. You asking me to pick you up today was a little unconventional.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” she apologized and he shrugged. “I swear I won’t keep doing this to you. I was just…”

“In need and I helped,” Joel denied her apologizing to him again, “We all need someone sometimes.”

“You’re stealing my lines,” she frowned, starting to poke at her food again. “I shouldn’t have thrown this on you though.”

“And I shouldn’t have thrown all that on you about my wife and my kid, but I did,” Joel reminded her, his eyebrow perking up while he stared out at her. “I could use a friend myself. I don’t have many of those due to the fact I’m kind of a grumpy asshole.”

“And I’m an idiot, so the two of us will make a perfect pair,” she chuckled, feeling uncomfortable about what had happened today with her and Negan. “So are you serious. You want me to take someone else’s class next semester? How am I supposed to learn from you if I’m not in your class?”

“Well, that’s what friends are for, right?” Joel replied with a wink. “If we’re going to be friends…it’s just more comfortable if you’re not my student. Of course, I can’t force you not to take my classes, but if someone found out we were friends and you were getting good grades, they could suggest things and having favorites…”

“Yeah, people start shit…I actually get it,” she agreed with him, swallowing down hard, “but you’d still help me?”

“Of course. Hell, you could still sit in my class I reckon,” Joel offered and the way he spoke made her crack a smile at his accent. “What?”

“Your voice just makes me smile sometimes,” she alerted him and he grunted, reaching for his shake to take another large sip of it. “It’s not a bad thing. I just expect you to start saying all the things I imagine happen at a rodeo. We need to get you a cowboy hat and some boots. We’ll get you saying y’all, howdy, reckon…”

“I get it,” he scoffed with a laugh, “You want me to go full on cowboy.”

“With assless chaps and everything,” she giggled and he coughed, immediately covering his mouth with his hands so the shake wouldn’t spurt out of his mouth. “I’m joking Joel. Jesus! You really are a tight ass.”

“I just don’t expect the stuff that comes out of your mouth sometimes,” Joel pulled his hand away from his mouth and a reached for a napkin. “You have this innocent face and then you say stuff about blowjobs and assless chaps…”

“I like to mess with people,” she informed him with a wink before looking to her phone again when Negan was clearly calling her once more.

“Do you want me to take you home?” Joel pulled her attention to him and away from the phone. “I know that look on your face. It’s someone who wants to make up with someone, but they aren’t sure it’s right.”

“Ah, you’ve seen that look much?” she reached for her phone and slid her finger over it as if contemplating on answering.

“Yeah, in the mirror,” Joel finished up with his burger and urged her to get a box for whatever she wanted to take home with her, but instead she just continued to eat. “Are you sure you don’t want to get back to Negan?”

“I’d like to finish what I have going here first,” she explained and she could tell that Joel was confused, but accepting of her answer. While she knew that eventually she would have to answer to Negan and they would have to talk about this…she just didn’t want to do it right now. It was best to calm down first and then talk to Negan about everything. “Thank you Joel.”

“It’s no problem,” Joel tapped his hands on top of the table, taking a quick look around the restaurant. “Let’s just not go around telling people that I will come and pick you up on the side of the street if you need it, okay? I don’t need students thinking I’m a free drop off service.”

“Deal,” she giggled. Looking down at her food, she was happy with the idea of someone being her friend. While it was odd that it was a man that was her professor and someone who had previously given her shit, it was nice to actually have someone around who knew what she was going through. Strangely enough, he seemed to be okay with her and that made it so much easier. “Although, you could probably make some good money if you did do that.”

“I will definitely consider it if I’m in need of the quick cash,” Joel winked and stared out at the window. The way his eyes lingered over something made her look back over her shoulder to see a man playing with what she assumed to be his daughter in the parking lot and she cleared her throat.

“What was your daughter’s name?” Y/N inquired making Joel turn to look at her and it looked like he possibly didn’t want to answer her. Joel lowered his head and looked down at his hands before shrugging. “You know, it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. I know that you said you didn’t want to talk about her with me.”

“Casey,” Joel sighed heavily, “Casey was her name and more than anything she wanted to be a dentist when she grew up. What kind of kid wants to be a dentist?”

“That’s a new one,” Y/N smirked as Joel grinned and she watched him enclose his hands together while he sat across from her. “So she was a special girl?”

“She was the best. She had it more together than I ever did,” Joel admitted with a grunt. “I almost feel like she was taking care of me for a while. I would forget things all the time and I would come back to the door and she would be waiting for me with whatever I forgot. It’s just hard seeing things like that. I get…jealous.”

“That’s perfectly acceptable, you know?” Y/N reached out to grab his hand firmly in hers again and Joel nodded. It was clear that he was getting choked up talking about his daughter and she truly realized how much of a mess the man before her really was. “Your daughter sounded like she was amazing.”

“Yeah,” Joel grumbled and he took his free hand to rub at his eyes with the back of his hand. “You’ll have to forgive me; I’m not really used to talking about her. I just kind of put that in the back of my mind and talking about her brings back memories…”

“It’s okay,” she hushed him, squeezing his hand firmly before he stood up from the table and his hand pulled from hers.

“I’ll be right back, I’m sorry,” Joel nodded toward the restroom and she understood why he had to walk away. They were only ‘new’ friends and the idea of getting emotional in front of someone you barely knew was probably very hard. Especially for someone like Joel who admitted to being a very guarded person in the first place. By the time Joel returned, she could see that his face was somewhat red and she felt guilty for asking about his daughter in the first place. Joel sat down in the booth and had a hard time meeting her stare. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey…you never have to apologize to me for that, okay?” she noticed the way that he was still avoiding looking at her and she reached out to touch his hand again, drawing his eyes to finally meet hers. “Never apologize for having a heart Joel.”

Joel said nothing, just nodded and then allowed her to finish up with her meal. It was silent and she knew that Joel was embarrassed, but was still doing his best to try and be polite. When they made it back to the car, she had managed to get him to talk a little bit about class before they made it back to her home.

“Is everything going to be okay?” Joel’s deep southern drawl filled the car when he looked over at Y/N from where he was sitting in the driver’s seat. Negan’s car was in the driveway and she swallowed down hard and nodded. “You need me to stick around, just in case?”

“That’s very kind of you,” she looked down at the box that was in her hands knowing that she was going to have to face Negan at some point today. After how many times he had called her, she could only imagine how angry he likely was that she didn’t answer. “But I think I will be fine. Thank you.”

“It’s not a problem,” Joel winked and reached up to rub at the side of his face, tugging softly at his beard. “You know, you made me realize that I might want to pick up another career doing that whole app where I drive people around thing. You twisted my arm.”

“Oh?” she chuckled seeing him smirk and nod.

“I’m not going to accept any more calls from you though, just letting you know…” he teased and she rolled her eyes when he said it. “So if you have any questions about a project or you are going to be late, you are screwed. I’m going to block your number because I don’t want to be picking you up at all times of the night.”

“Yeah, yeah…” she reached out to hit him in the chest playfully and heard his small snicker fill the car. “You’re not as bad as you think you are Joel Baker. You know that? I mean you definitely have a dick side of you, but…you’re pretty okay.”

“Well, you’re pretty okay yourself,” Joel nodded toward the house and cleared his throat. “Good luck with the boyfriend.”

With a final wave, she grabbed a hold of the box and made her way back up to the house after getting out of his car. When she got to the door, she looked back over her shoulder to see that he was making sure she got into the house safely before pulling away. Once inside, she set the box down and heard the sound of a chair screeching in the kitchen. A relieved breath filled the air as she closed the door and looked over her shoulder to see Negan standing at the entrance to the kitchen.

“Thank God,” Negan moved across the living room and wrapped his arms around her tightly. The motion shocked Y/N with how firmly he was hugging her and she uneasily wrapped her arms around him. Negan pressed a loving kiss over the top of her head. “I was so worried that something happened to you.”

“Were you?” she pulled her head away enough and saw the worry in Negan’s eyes. It was clear that he had been upset and she felt his rough palm sliding down and over the side of her face. “You just threw me out there with nowhere to go Negan.”

“I know and I tried really hard to get back to you as soon as possible. I thought maybe you saw that park by the house on the ride there and you may have gone there,” Negan stammered to find the right words and he cupped her face in both his hands firmly. “When you weren’t answering my calls or texts, I thought something bad happened to you. I just…”

“I called someone to pick me up because I felt…awful,” she explained and saw the expression over Negan’s features turn almost empathetic for her. “I have never done the walk of shame before, but I tell you what…it doesn’t feel great.”

“You know people out here?” Negan tilted his head to the side and she let out a tense sound. “I just…I didn’t realize that you knew someone around here that would be able to drive. I’m glad they did, I just would have liked to have known because I was really fucking worried about you. I love you so much.”

“Did you know that she would be coming home?” Y/N blurt out and pulled away from Negan who immediately shook his head. “Was this some kind of punishment for your wife hurting you last night? Is that what this was?”

“No, I swear,” Negan denied and reached out to try to touch her, but she pulled away angrily. “Y/N, I love you so much. I would have never put you in danger with my wife finding us. I wouldn’t want to ruin what we have. I love you.”

“Do you? Or do you love the sex we have? Because as soon as you got the sex you wanted…you sure as hell threw me out of there as fast as you could,” she reminded him and Negan frowned. His face flushed over and he looked down toward the ground. “You should have stopped before you did.”

“And I should have led you to the closet or something, but I wasn’t thinking correctly,” Negan firmly stated with a shake of his head. “What I did was wrong. I got caught up in how everything felt and I lost it. I know I did, but you have no idea how fucking scared I was when you didn’t answer the phone. The idea that someone may have picked you up and…”

“You’d find some other desperate girl to fuck if something happened to me,” she snorted and moved across the living room toward the stairs. Before she could get to them, Negan reached out to grab her wrist and he pulled her back to him.

“I don’t want someone else. I want you. I love you,” Negan repeated, his hazel eyes narrowing and she could see the tension in his face when he spoke. “I fucked up, I did and I know I did, but we don’t even have to have sex. Yeah, I like it, but if not having sex proves to you that I love you for you…then I’m willing to do it. When you didn’t answer your phone, I thought the worst and the thought of not having you in my life absolutely terrified me.”

“Why did you think I was hurt?” she gulped, feeling the warmth of Negan stepping in closer to her.

“Because you never avoid me, you always answer when I call or text,” Negan countered and his eyes were clearly hooked on hers, not daring to pull away. “I just thought someone hurt you or grabbed you.”

“Well people aren’t always going to answer you when they are angry at you Negan,” she snapped, pulling her wrist away from his grasp and he allowed her to do it. “Do you know how awful it felt being thrown out of your house half naked? I felt like trash being thrown out the door immediately after you came in me Negan. Imagine how that feels being a girl.”

“Right, it was wrong. What I did was wrong and I fucked up. I should have used my better judgment and stopped myself before it ever got to that, but I didn’t. I know I fucked up, I did,” Negan admitted, his voice cracking as he spoke. “But I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it up to you Y/N. Please…I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I don’t even know what to ask you for,” she moved beyond Negan and dropped down on the couch. Lowering her head into her hands, she felt her chest ache knowing that this was all on her when it really came down to it. “I’m the bad one for agreeing to have an affair when I know you have a wife. I’m making this whole second life thing happen when I should really be urging you to just go and be with your wife.”

“This isn’t all on you,” Negan refused to accept her comment. The sound of him moving around the room was heard and he carefully took a seat beside her. “I just have to work this whole thing out and do it better. Okay? I know that I am not the best man in the world. I’ll be the first person to tell you that, but I fucking love you. I love you so fucking much, it hurts.”

“I understand the hurting part,” she felt Negan reach out to caress his hand in over her shoulders. “I love you Negan and this is really hard.”

“I know it is,” Negan conceded to the fact, “And I know I’m putting you through a lot with this, but I just…I love you. I do. I know what I’m supposed to do, I know what’s right, but you are so much a part of me that I just…I can’t live without you. I promise I will try to be better. I will. We don’t even have to have sex. We can just be us, hanging out. Kind of like we did when we were together during the summer.”

“We had lots of sex during the summer,” she reminded him and Negan snorted. Lifting her head, she could see that he was trying to determine how she was feeling and he reached out to supportively grab her knee. “Can we start over slow?”

“Of course. I just like spending time with you,” Negan admitted, leaning in closer to rest his head against hers. Instinctively, she slid her hand in over his where it was sitting on her knee and Negan hooked his fingers with hers. “I had…a lot of nervous energy and I didn’t know what to do while you were gone.”

“Okay?” she perked up an eyebrow and Negan grabbed a firm hold of her hand, leading her toward the backyard. Negan already had put so much into the backyard of their rental home. They had a small in-ground pool in the back. There was a fire pit and some really nice furniture that his friend had left with the home while they were living there. When she made it outside, she saw the string lights that Negan had managed to hang while he was clearly waiting for her to come home. “Wow.”

“I want to make you happy. I want to give you the best of everything that I am capable of giving you and…” Negan moved in behind her while she took a look at the backyard that was illuminated by the string lights. Wrapping his arms around her, he nestled his nose against the side of her neck and held her close. “I love spending every moment with you. You make me feel special and I want you to feel special…so fucking special.”

“Negan,” she sighed when he pressed a small, lingering kiss over the side of her neck. “You know I love you.”

“I do,” Negan stated with a sigh, his warm breath teasing against the side of her neck and she leaned further back into him. “And I love you too.”

“I think that’s the problem here Negan, I love you too much,” she frowned and Negan turned her in his arms. “Maybe if I didn’t love you so much, this whole thing would be so much better.”

“But that’s what has been so special sweetheart,” Negan’s inhaled sharply and brushed his fingers through her hair. “I don’t doubt that you love me. You know that? I know that this has been hard, but…I’ve never felt as alive as I do when I’m with you.”

“You’ve made me feel better than anyone else ever has Negan and I will always love you for that,” she admitted, reaching up to touch over the side of his face and she shrugged her shoulders. “I just…can’t describe how jealous I am of Lucille.”

“Baby, my relationship with you is much healthier than it is with Lucille,” Negan explained, clearing his throat uneasily. “If you take a look at my face, you would see that. We’re not in a good place, at all.”

“Then why continue to torture yourselves if your relationship isn’t healthy?” Y/N provoked him to try and answer. Negan’s head tilted and he bit firmly into his bottom lip. “I know you love Lucille and in a sense you always will because she was obviously your first love…”

“It’s hard giving up your first love,” Negan answered and she let out a tense laugh. “Yeah, I know, I’m your first love so it’s kind of like a double negative in that statement. At one point we were good. You know? We enjoyed each other in the past and in the history of my life, she’s the only person that hasn’t really given up on me.”

“Then I ask you this as someone who loves you, a lot…” she swallowed down and Negan’s jaw clenched while he stared down at her. “If you want to make things right with your wife, why are we doing this? I don’t want to be the reason that your marriage falls through Negan. I love you enough that if you want to be with your wife and fix things with her, I’m willing to let you go.”

“I’m just…I don’t want to let you go,” Negan frowned, his face twisting with sadness. “How about you go get cleaned up and I’ll get us a snack? We can hang out and talk and just…think things out. Okay?”

It didn’t take much to get her to agree. By the time she was done taking a shower and came back downstairs Negan was already in the back with the fire pit started up. Negan had pulled together some things to make S’mores together. They were both sitting in the same chair with Negan sitting behind her with his arms wrapped around her waist. Negan’s jaw was resting over her shoulder and he let out a long breath.

“Let’s say I was thinking of leaving my wife…” Negan swallowed down, his words almost shocking her after they had spent some time just being silly making the sweet treats together. “Would you be okay with her still being around in my life because I guarantee even if we get a divorce she will likely be around, a lot.”

“You shouldn’t talk like that unless you are really thinking about it Negan,” she hushed him and he let out a grunt. “I don’t want to push you into something that you don’t want to do.”

“Well it’s been on my mind a lot,” Negan pointed out, accepting the S’more that she was able to put together for him. “I thought that getting back with her after the summer would fix things. That’s why I originally left you. Then I realized that being with her didn’t make me feel good. Being with you did. You don’t judge me for just being a gym teacher. You’re not thinking I’m a fucking loser, you’re not the one hating me for anything other than what you have every right to hate me for…”

“I don’t hate you, I’m just sensitive about things,” she replied and watched him smirk. Negan took a bite of his sweet treat before holding it up for her to take the next bite of it. Accepting the bite, she watched a smirk press in over his handsome features. Taking a second to swallow it down, she watched Negan bring his thumb to his lips to suck the melted marshmallow from his finger. “I don’t think you’re a loser though. You have a job. There is nothing wrong with the job you have.”

“I just...I think Lucille has it in her mind that she has to stay with me because we’ve been together since we were kids, you know?” Negan rambled while she made another S’more for them. Negan watched her take the first bite before motioning him to open his mouth to take the last bite of it. Negan took a minute to chew what he had in his mouth before speaking up again. “I know I’ve made some questionable mistakes and I probably will continue to, but…maybe what I feel with her isn’t love. Maybe what I feel with her is responsibility. Like I’m responsible for her and she needs me.”

Y/N didn’t know what to say, she was really confused about it to begin with, but she was just listening to him speaking out, “I know how I feel when I’m with you and I know how I feel when I’m with her. I love her, I do, but it’s a different kind of love than the love I have for you.”

“What does that mean?” she shifted in his arms. Adjusting on the chair they were in, she stared into Negan’s hazel eyes and he was quiet for a moment.

“I just know that when I’m with you, I’m always fucking smiling. I’m always laughing. I don’t want to be far away from you. I want to hold you in my arms and I want you close to me,” Negan explained, reaching out to grab a hold of her hands. He brought them up to his lips and pressed a loving kiss over them. “The feeling I get when I’m with you is this warmth that I’ve never felt before. You make me feel things that I never thought were possible. I was so used to what I thought I knew love was, but even though we’ve only been together a short time I know I’ve never felt as fucking loved as I do when I’m with you.”

“Wow,” she felt her breath catch in her throat. Negan almost seemed uncomfortable with unloading his heart to her and when his eyebrows clenched together, she leaned across the chair to kiss him. A hum fell from his throat while he kissed her, his rough fingers teasing over the side of her face while they took time to appreciate each other in that moment. The taste of the S’mores still lingered in their kiss and it made the moment almost more enjoyable. “I love you Negan.”

“And I love you too,” Negan breathed out, his forehead resting against hers for a moment before he leaned back. “I think I’m going to ask for a divorce and I’m not…just saying that to appease you. I think the other day with my face…I think that proved it needed to happen.”

“I don’t want to get excited because I know how you feel about your wife Negan. I think you need to be one hundred percent sure that’s what you want to do,” she reached up to brush her fingers through his thick, dark hair. “I want you to be sure that’s what you want. I don’t want you to feel pressured because of me.”

“The other day she said some awful things,” Negan explained, thinking back to the cut he had gotten on his face. “I tried giving her everything she wanted, but I don’t think I’m the person that is going to be there to give it to her. I think the best decision for all of us is for me to ask for a divorce. I think it will…take me a while to get the fucking courage.”

“I understand,” she felt her throat go dry over Negan announcing all of this to her. “I love you and I support whatever decision you want to make.”

“Can I ask you something though?” Negan bit firmly into his bottom lip. “Lucille still has me set up for some testing to see if I’m infertile and I figured…maybe I should look. If I am…would you be okay with still being with me?”

“Why would I turn you away for something like that?” Y/N frowned and Negan seemed severely upset when it was brought up. “Of course I would still want to be with you.”

“Even if I’m not capable of giving you children if we ever decided to go that route?” Negan gulped, his forehead rubbing against hers while they were still close to each other.

“I’m not even thinking about that right now Negan,” she moved enough to kiss over his temple and then slowly kissed down the side of his face. “I want you happy and I accept you for who you are. Always and forever.”

“You swear?” Negan confirmed with her and she nodded. “I’m kind of a fucking mess.”

“You’re the best kind of mess,” she stated with a reassuring smile. Reaching up to caress her hands down the sides of his face and he let out a relieved sound. Negan was slouched over, leaning in closer to her while she spoke to him. “I love you Negan.”

“What if I’m broken though? What if I can’t have children? Would you still want me then?” Negan questioned again and she nodded. There was something in her eyes that made him believe her and he leaned in to kiss her. “I’m only going to ever be a gym teacher. I can’t give you the world. I’m a coach and a gym teacher. Not even a real teacher…”

“Negan,” she cut him off and slid in closer to him on the chair so she could pull his head in closer to her chest. “I don’t care what you give me because I have the whole world in my arms…when I’m with you.”

Negan’s head lifted, his jaw flexing when she said the words and she could see an expression in his eyes that she had never seen before. A gasp fell from her lips when Negan began to kiss her over and over again, “No one…not one person has ever talked to me the way you have.”

Negan’s warm breath pressed against her face when he pulled away enough from the kiss, “No one has ever loved me…for me.”

“Well I do,” she assured him with a small nod and he let out a happy sound while he cupped her face in his hands. “You’re it for me Negan. I don’t care if we live in a shitty apartment. I don’t care if we rent a home. I don’t care where we are because all that matters to me is that I’m here with you in your arms.”

“I don’t know what I’ve been thinking this whole time,” Negan leaned back enough to brush her hair out of her face and he sighed heavily. “I’ve been putting you through all this shit because I thought I had to be with the person that I was married to, but you’re truly genuinely the person I love. I love you, so much.”

“Negan, I love you, but you shouldn’t say this if you don’t mean it,” she insisted again while Negan pressed soft kisses over her face in a soothing manner. Closing her eyes, she took in the sensation of him close to her and she felt her chest begin to hurt. “You can’t build me up to only…”

“I’m not building you up Y/N,” Negan stated with a firm tone, “I want to be with you. You…you get me. I love Lucille and she will always be important to me, but we're fighting a losing battle in that relationship. Nothing I do is right. I’m trying to be the right man for her, but I’m not. We fell in love young and the people we were then; we’re no longer those people. Fuck, I can’t keep doing what I’m doing. The time I’m over there with her I’m putting my heart into everything while thinking about how much I’d rather be with you.”

“This all sounds great Negan…” she began while brushing her fingers into his hair.

“I’m not kidding Y/N,” Negan insisted with a deep breath. “When I get the courage, I’m going to ask for the divorce. I can’t keep pretending that something is going to work when it’s so clear that it’s not going to.”

“If that’s what you want to do, then I support you. I just want to make sure that’s something you really want Negan,” she spoke almost in a whisper, not really knowing what to say. “What if she tries to take everything from you?”

“What can she take? We have separate bank accounts from her own request,” Negan snorted and Y/N shrugged. “Even if she tried Y/N, you are my everything. Material things come and go, but my love for you…that’s what’s important.”

“Damn,” a breath caught in her throat and Negan smirked, reaching to brush his rough thumb in over her cheek. She didn’t know if she should be happy, sad or remorseful. Part of Y/N felt bad that she was the reason that Negan wanted to leave his wife, but she was in love with Negan and that thought lingered. So at the same time it made her happy to know that Negan loved her as much as he did. Reaching out, she carefully brushed her fingers over the side of his face where the cut was that Lucille had given him. “Have you cleaned this today?”

“Are you going to be my nurse?” Negan teased, his nose wrinkling before he winced. A smirk pressed in over his lips when she gasped and quickly pulled her hand away. Realizing that he was screwing with her, she reached out and hit him in the shoulder. “If you want to take a look at it, we can, but it’s a nice night. Afterwards, how do you feel about coming out here and lying in the hammock for most of the night together? Just…talking and enjoying each other’s time.”

“I’d like that,” she admitted and felt comfortable knowing they would just be having a relaxing night together. She wasn’t sure what to expect from Negan, but she knew that she still wanted to be with him and the fact he was considering being with only her made her feel on top of the world.

* * *

Sitting on the couch in his living room that he shared with Lucille, Negan clasped his hands together and cleared his throat. It had been a week since he had decided that he was going to ask Lucille for a divorce. Negan had gone home early to prepare for Lucille to come home. Reaching for the coffee that he had picked up on the way over from the home he shared with Y/N, he took a long swig of it and felt himself sweating. Not once did he sleep during the night because all he could think about was this. It had to be done. Negan wanted to get this done and over with as soon as possible. No more dragging all of this out. He didn’t want to hurt the people he loved any more than he already had.

Negan looked to his phone and sent Y/N a text for when she woke up. While he sat there he looked at the photos that he had of them together on his phone. It was his attempt at trying to give himself strength to do this. It was for Y/N, he wanted to be with her. He wanted to share that happiness that he felt every time he was alone with her. There was something pure about his relationship with Y/N and that’s how he wanted to feel for the rest of his life.

The way that Y/N made him feel was special. It was romantic. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before when Negan was with her. No one had made him feel as good about himself as she did. There wasn’t a thing that she hated about him and she always made him feel like he was more than he was. While Lucille made him feel like he was less.

The sound of the door opening was heard and Negan quickly closed up his phone when he heard the sound of Lucille walking in. Negan waited for a long moment and felt his heart pounding inside of his chest. The sound of his pulse was heard inside of his head and it almost felt like he was going to pass out from being overwhelmed. Hell, why was this so damn hard? He knew that it was going to be complicated since he had been with Lucille since he was teen, but the fact that it was THIS hard was killing him. It was supposed to be easy. He fell in love with someone else. That happens. He still loved and cared for Lucille, but there was something missing in their relationship and he thought it would always be missing. They had been broken for a very long time and he felt like a fool that he dragged it on for as long as he did. Not only did it make the strain on things worse with Lucille, but it also hurt Y/N and that was the last thing that he wanted.

“You can do this,” Negan mouthed to himself, almost rocking back and forth to himself on the couch. It was hard to coach himself into doing this. Part of him always had wanted to fix things with Lucille, but he knew that they were too broken to fix what they had. It didn’t make Lucille bad. In actuality, it probably made him the bad one. Negan was doing whatever she wanted and still felt bad. It was clear that no matter what he did, he would never be the man that Lucille wanted. Lucille got him through life thus far, but the last few months had really put a strain on their relationship. Lifting his head, Negan could see out of the corner of his eyes that Lucille was looking at something in the kitchen. “Fuck.”

Negan felt a tension in his stomach and reached for another sip of his coffee. If he never went forward with this, there was nothing he would be able to do. There was the sense of guilt building up inside of him because Negan was a coward and he knew it. Not long ago he had promised Y/N that he would ask for a divorce, but he was too much of a pussy. Scared of what Lucille would say and what she would do. Yet, it was what he wanted. It was what he felt like he needed in his life to move forward and be happy. Y/N made him happy and Negan figured that if he gave Lucille the ability to do the same, she could find someone that made her happy too.

“Oh…” Lucille’s green eyes widened when she saw Negan sitting there on the couch. “You’re up?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep much,” Negan answered with a half smirk. Lucille looked down at her work clothes and let out an exhausted sound. “There is something I kind of wanted to talk to you about and I was hoping you would be okay with having a chat.”

“Are good with me changing?” Lucille questioned and Negan let out a tense breath. “I kind of wanted to talk to you about something too. Something that is really important.”

“Oh, I mean…if you’ll be more comfortable by all means,” Negan waved his hand in the air. Lucille smirked and headed upstairs to change.

A long, dramatic breath released from Negan’s lungs and he fell back against the couch. Reaching up after he set his coffee down, he dragged his hands over the front of his face and groaned. The longer he waited, the more he was panicking. This wasn’t going to end well and he knew that. Lucille was very emotional and he knew that once he told her he wanted a divorce, she would most certainly probably throw things at him. There would be screaming and crying, two things that Negan wasn’t sure he was prepared for. Hearing his phone vibrate, Negan pulled his phone out and saw that Y/N had texted him telling him that she loved him and good luck. Squeezing his phone in his hand, Negan swallowed down hard and thought about Y/N. She was his strength in all of this and that’s what was going to be the thing that got him through all of this. Whatever happened, he was doing this for her and he was going to make sure that he was going to end up with her at the end of it all. She was worth it and that’s what mattered most.

“Fuck me,” Negan lowered his head into his hands and felt like he was numb. Cussing a few times, he heard Lucille moving down the stairs and he lifted his head when he heard her moving before him.

“Sorry about that, but after being in my work clothes all night, I just figured it was best to get out of them,” she apologized and Negan’s hazel eyes met hers when she took a seat on the edge of the coffee table that was before him. “So…do you want me to go first or do you want to go first?”

“Mine is a bit…heavy,” Negan breathed in deeply and he reached out for her hands. “So…you should probably go on.”

“Are you sure? You seem…kind of on edge,” she pointed out, squeezing his hands in hers and he nodded. “Okay, well…I took to heart what you said the other day when we were fighting. I realized I was a lot angrier lately and when I threw that glass at you I kind of felt bad about it. I was talking to someone at work about my anger issues which I think we both know that I’ve been having…”

“Right?” Negan’s right eyebrow perked up while she shifted on the table before him almost like she was uncomfortable where she was going with the conversation. “What about it?”

“Well I was talking about how tired I have been lately and they suggested that I do a blood panel,” Lucille informed Negan with a firm nod, “I didn’t really think it would be a big deal, but apparently something came back in the blood work and they want me to do some more testing just to make sure everything is okay.”

“What do you mean by that?” Negan felt his chest ache at what she was explaining to him. “Like…what exactly came back in the blood work?”

“I don’t really know. They only contacted me this morning and I haven’t really talked to anyone yet. They just had me schedule for a bunch of tests,” Lucille informed him with a firm nod. “So those are a little bit out in the month because some of these tests are special and I couldn’t get into them immediately.”

“So like…is it like low vitamin D levels or…?” Negan’s head tilted to the side and he found himself confused. “I mean you barely get sunshine because you sleep during the day to go to work and I’m sure that’s something you could use more of.”

“I don’t really know Negan. If I knew, I would tell you. That’s why I told you this today because I figured you have the right to know these things and what is going on with me,” she shrugged her shoulders, “I thought maybe it was the pregnancy finally went through, but…it didn’t.”

“Oh,” Negan nodded, swallowing hard as she gave his hands a firm squeeze. “So they didn’t explain to you what they found in your blood work?”

“I’m telling you what I know Negan. They called me, told me that some things were off and they suggested me get some testing done so they know for sure what is going on,” Lucille pulled her hands from his and shrugged. “I’m sure it’s nothing, they are just doing these tests to make sure that everything is okay. Sometimes with blood work things come back a certain way and they just want to make sure it’s nothing more.”

“Should we be worried about this?” Negan bit into his bottom lip and saw the way that Lucille was pale, but she simply shook her head. “Are you worried about this?”

“Negan, I’ve always learned not to panic ahead of time until we learn something for real. Work has taught me that. Something that seems bad can be okay and something that seems like nothing could be something big,” she pointed out and noticed that Negan seemed to be severely uncomfortable with what she was saying. “At the moment, I’m just going in with an open mind and if they find something, then I will deal with it.”

“But the tests have to be done at the end of the month though? I mean you’d think if someone is potentially fucking sick they would be able to schedule someone sooner,” Negan grunted and Lucille shrugged, “That’s bullshit Lucille. You should try to get in to see someone sooner.”

“There are a lot of sick people Negan that have been waiting to have these tests done,” Lucille pointed out with a frown, “I’m no better than those people.”

“You would think with your job that you would have better circumstances here,” Negan argued the point and he hated to hear that she had to wait weeks to find out what was going on. “They didn’t even give you hint as to what is going on with you?”

“Negan, if I find something out…I promise you will be the first one to know. After I learn of course,” she reached out to squeeze his knee. Negan swallowed down hard and could feel his face heating over at what she had just told him. “What is it you wanted to talk about?”

“I…” Negan felt his voice getting raspy as he spoke and he lowered his head toward the ground. “I just was thinking about things lately and…”

Negan lifted his head, his eyes meeting Lucille’s and suddenly he felt extremely guilty. Caressing over the side of his face, he felt his jaw locking up and he tilted his head to the side. He didn’t want to look at Lucille, let alone drop this on her now after everything that happened.

“Yeah?” she reached out to touch the side of his face to urge him to look at her. “What’s going on?”

“I was just thinking about how we’ve been fighting a lot lately and shit…” Negan inhaled deeply. While he wanted to start his life with Y/N, after having Lucille tell him that she was potentially sick…he felt guilty. Looking down toward the ground, he felt Lucille tracing over the healing mark on his face from where the glass had shattered and cut him. Clearing his throat, he realized that he couldn’t muster the strength to ask her for a divorce when a doctor dropped this on her like they had. “You see…work had mentioned giving me a raise and in order to do that I would have to be working more. I was worried about taking it after the fight we had the other day, but I just…”

“If that makes you happy Negan, you should take it. This could potentially be nothing,” she urged him, reaching out to squeeze his arm and shake it in a teasing manner. “I wouldn’t worry about it. If you want that raise and it would make you happy, then I support your decision. I just think we should keep on living life the way we should so that way we aren’t always in constant question of everything. I’m going to keep on working. I don’t think you should worry about it.”

“Yeah, but…” Negan went to speak and she reached out to cover his mouth with her hand to cut him off. There was a rush of sadness that flooded over him. Y/N had such high hopes of being able to have him full time and this was going to break her, but it would have made him a total asshole to ask for a divorce from Lucille after what she just told him. Gradually, Lucille pulled her hand away from Negan’s face and noticed that he was sad. Slowly she began to stroke his face and Negan felt her lean in to press a kiss against his temple. “I’m sorry.”

“That you want a raise?” Lucille snickered when Negan brushed her dark hair out of her face. Leaning in, she gave Negan a hug and felt the strength of his arms surrounding her. “I’m sure everything is going to be okay.”

“I hope so,” Negan announced, brushing his fingers over the back of her neck. Negan didn’t know whether to be more upset that someone he had cared about so many years and loved was potentially sick or that he was going to have to break Y/N’s heart all over again by telling her he couldn’t give her what she truly wanted.

* * *

Preparing the table in backyard for a nice meal between her and Negan, Y/N got things together knowing that Negan would likely be upset after everything went down. She could only imagine that things would have gone down badly with Negan announcing to Lucille that he wanted to have a divorce. A lot of things weighed heavy with Negan when it came to Lucille and she wanted to make tonight as relaxing as possible for him.

Setting up the plates, she gasped when she felt a pair of arms wrapping around her waist and squeaked slightly when she felt kisses being placed over the side of her neck.

“Mmmm, that smells good,” Negan’s breath pressed against the side of her neck causing a chill to fill her body while he pulled her close to him. Shuddering, she felt Negan’s nose nestling against the side of her neck before he softly nipped at her flesh. “Are you pampering me again?”

“Learning how to cook on my own has certainly been a trip, but I think I’m doing a good job,” she looked down at the food she had prepared for her and Negan. Lowering her hands, she squeezed over Negan’s hands and heard him hum when she did it. “I wanted to give you something special.”

“Being with you here is special enough,” Negan informed her with a growl, teasing kisses over her neck and making her laugh when he did it. “I love you so much.”

Turning in his arms, she tipped up on her toes and cupped his rough features in her palms. Staring into his saddened eyes, she could tell that something was wrong and she carefully deposited soft, gentle kisses over his lips. Negan returned the kisses, taking his time to cherish the feeling of her against him.

“How did everything go?” she breathed against his flesh and Negan let out a sound she didn’t quite understand. “What was that?”

“I think…you should sit,” Negan announced when he pulled away from the kiss and gave her an awkward expression. Negan grabbed a hold of her hand and led her over toward one of the seats to sit down before kneeling down in front of her. Tension filled the air while Negan caressed his palms over her thighs, clearly taking his time to gain the courage to tell her what he wanted. “I went home and I sat waiting for Lucille to come home this morning. I was fully fucking prepared to tell her that I wanted a divorce. I want to be with you and I know that’s where I belong…”

“I sense a but coming,” she swallowed down and Negan’s face twisted with displeasure. “Just tell me because it is better to get it out and into the open here Negan.”

“She came home claiming she had something to tell me so I let her go first,” Negan explained with a frown, “I let her go first and she told me that she had some blood work done. Apparently something came back that wasn’t good so doctors want her to do a bunch of tests. I figured because of that it wasn’t the best time to tell her that I wanted a divorce. I’m sure everything will be okay and then I can be honest with her, but until then…”

“Oh…that makes sense I guess,” she bit down on her bottom lip and thought about what Negan was saying. “You wouldn’t want to put that all on her at once.”

“Your words say one thing and your face says another,” Negan stated with a frown, his eyes trying to read what she was thinking. “Tell me what you are really thinking.”

“I am,” she answered feeling her chest ache after what he told her. She was really unsure if that was what really happened or if Negan just got scared. Either way, she told him that whenever he did it that would be okay with her. It just was unfortunate because the day before Negan was insistent upon the fact that he was going to do it. “I’m being honest.”

“You look sad,” Negan pointed out, lifting up enough to reach out to caress over her young features. Negan stroked his fingers against her skin and then met her lips in a kiss. Over and over again Negan tried to kiss her to make her feel better, but he knew it wouldn’t work that quickly. “Trust me; I want to be with you and only you. I love you so very much; I just thought it would be wrong of me to do it when she was potentially sick.”

“Negan, I just love you…” she reminded him, reaching out to brush her fingers through his hair and Negan leaned into her touch. Admittedly, it did break her heart a bit that Negan wouldn’t be completely hers like he had promised. “You have to understand that.”

“And I love you,” Negan assured her, reaching out to pull her in close to his chest and he could hear her breathing heavily. “I promise, as soon as Lucille has everything figured out…you and I are going to start our life together. We’re going to have our happy ending and it will be worth everything we’ve gone through.”

“I hope so,” she whispered against the center of Negan’s chest when she felt him kiss the top of her head. While she wanted to believe Negan with what he said, the idea of them being together and having that happy ending just seemed to get further way. The happy ending she dreamt of with Negan seemed more and more like a fairytale every day.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader/oc sees a dark side of Negan that she never knew existed and instead of it bothering her, she finds herself charmed and enamored by it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this story! Means a lot to me.

Weeks had passed since Negan had tried to ask Lucille for a divorce and things had felt complicated ever since with Y/N. It’s not that she had been giving him a bad attitude or treating him badly, but Negan just felt like things were different. He had made a promise to her and built her up to something only to let her down in the end.

Adjusting on the couch, Negan looked out at the other end to see Y/N watching television with him. Their feet were stretched out and their legs tangled together while they watched an old television show together. Since Negan had promised to prove that their relationship wasn’t based on sex, they hadn’t had it since the mishap happened at his home he shared with Lucille. Instead they would find things to do together and hang out instead.

“Here,” Negan handed her over the pint of ice cream that he had been eating from and sharing with her. Y/N reached out to grab a hold of the container and smirked when she grabbed it. Tilting his head to the side, Negan looked her over as she took a few bites from the ice cream and continued to watch the show. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, giving him a small glance before looking back toward the television. “I just think this stuff is cool.”

“My charming, eccentric girl,” Negan nudged her playfully with his foot and made her smile when he did it. “You’re weird, you know that?”

“Proud of it,” she gave him a wink and handed him back over the pint of ice cream. Accepting it, Negan swallowed down hard and poked at the ice cream with the spoon. “I like a good thriller so these old television shows are pretty good.”

“These are actually older than me,” Negan informed her with a snort and saw her smile. “But they are good, you’re right about that.”

Setting aside the ice cream container, Negan shifted on the couch and cleared his throat, “So…what did you do today?”

“I went to my classes and had dinner with a friend,” she answered, giving Negan a glance. There was something in the way that Negan was looking at her that made her feel odd as she half laughed. “Why?”

“What friend? Alexis?” Negan poked further and she shook her head.

“Just someone from class,” she was vague about the fact that it was Joel she had dinner with. Over the last few weeks she had been spending a lot of time with Joel. It was just so nice finally having someone that she could talk to and be open with. Even though she liked having Joel as a friend, she wasn’t super open to telling Negan about it. Something told her that if she did, he would be jealous. Joel was older like Negan and she was certain that Negan would be uncomfortable with her spending time with someone like Joel. Then again, he probably wouldn’t be happy with her spending time with another man in general.

“Well that’s rather vague,” Negan’s deep voice filled the air and he crawled forward, lowering in closer to her. Negan’s warm breath teased over her lips and he could hear her tremble in her breath when he tempted her with an ‘almost’ kiss. “Do you not want to tell me who you are hanging out with? Did you find someone to replace me?”

“Of course not, there is no replacing you. Ever,” she swallowed down, attempting to kiss him, but Negan pulled away from her. “You won’t get mad if I tell you?”

“That was a strange response. Why would I get mad?” he snickered, his hazel eyes questionably looking her over. It was clear she was uncomfortable and it immediately made Negan’s mind think the worst. “Unless of course it was Lucille you were having dinner with…because that would be really messed up considering everything.”

“Of course it wasn’t Lucille; I would never do something like that to you. It was just my professor,” she answered and Negan’s wide grin slowly faded as he tilted his head to the side. It was clear that he was confused as to which professor she was talking about since she really hadn’t been open with him about school. Negan was so focused on everything going on with him that she often let him ramble about things. The rest of the time she just wanted to focus on spending time with him and forgetting about the outside world. She didn’t get much time with Negan as it was, so she just wanted to be with him. It wasn’t something Negan often asked her about anyways, so she didn’t really think it would be a big deal. “It’s Joel…well, the writer.”

“The one that was giving you shit?” Negan snorted, his eyebrows tensing while he stared down at her. It was a very judging look that he was giving her and it instantly made her feel shameful when he put it like that. “Why would you go to dinner with him?”

“Well, he apologized a while ago and I learned that he was being like he was because his daughter died while his wife was cheating on him,” she watched Negan roll his eyes and drop back on the couch at the other end. Clearly, he wasn’t happy with her answer. “We’re just friends and it’s nice having someone to talk to. You know?”

“Yeah because every male professor wants to be friends with their students,” Negan exhaled, looking back at the television again. There was a clear sense of irritation over Negan’s features and she felt instantly bad for even telling him about Joel, she just didn’t want to lie to him. She never wanted that. “You are such a gullible little girl.”

“He’s just my friend Negan,” she tried to assure him. Getting to her knees, she crawled in over Negan and tried to kiss him, but his hand came up to block her from doing it. An ache pressed in over the center of her chest when he denied her the kiss and guilt began to flood her body. “I swear the only man for me is you. I love you so very much.”

“You don’t look at me like you used to,” Negan blurt out, his eyes narrowing when he turned to look at her. A heavy sigh fell from his lips when he looked to the television again. It was like he was purposely trying to make her feel bad that she was hanging out with Joel and it hurt. “I miss it.”

“What do you mean?” she was confused with what he was saying and she reached out to grab a hold of his face to force him to look at her. “Negan?”

“The way you used to look at me is what made me fall in love with you,” Negan explained and he could see the color drain from her face when he said it. “You looked at me like I was special, like I was the only person in the world. There was a glow in your eyes that would just shine in them every time you were with me. It’s not there anymore.”

“What are you saying?” she frowned resting on her knees over him and Negan simply shrugged. Reaching out to brush her fingers into Negan’s hair, she felt like he was angry with her and she didn’t know how to fix what was going on. “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I can assure you nothing has changed on my end. Does that mean you don’t feel the way you used to about me?” 

“I’m not saying I don’t love you, but when I fell in love with you…no one looked at me the way you did,” Negan replied with a heavy sigh, his square jaw flexing while he looked her over. “The way I could make you smile was phenomenal. Now I think you resent me because I wasn’t able to ask Lucille for the divorce…”

“I told you I would be okay with whatever you did,” she tried to reason with him and she watched his thick eyebrows bounce. Moving herself more in over his lap, she forced him to look at her and grabbed a firm hold of his face. “I assure you, I look at you the same way I always have. I think you’re just worried that I’m upset with you and I’m not.”

“That’s not true,” Negan started to rebuttal and she leaned forward to brush her lips softly over his. There was an urge to tempt him back into realizing that she loved and cared for him with her kiss, but it was clear Negan still wanted to bicker and push his claim. “You’re disappointed with me for not doing it.”

“Sure, I’m disappointed Negan, but not upset,” she asserted against his lips, stroking the side of his face while she kissed softly over his lips. “I just had started thinking about the life that we were going to share because you were really building me up to it the night before you went to go talk to Lucille. I was really sold on the idea. I thought the two of us would be able to work on us and have a life together. To be able to share full days with you sounds like heaven. I just love you so much Negan and I miss you when you are gone. I cherish every moment that the two of us have together. I hate when you leave because the best feeling in the world is being wrapped up in your arms.”

“I know that you expected me to divorce her, I just couldn’t drop a bomb on Lucille that day when she told me something could potentially be wrong with her health. It would be like hey Lucille…I’m sorry that you could fucking be sick. Anyways, I just want to let you know that I’m in love with someone and I’m leaving you for them,” Negan spoke in an over dramatic way and Y/N glared at Negan when she felt like he was mocking her in a way. “It would have made me fucking awful.”

“You know that I wouldn’t want you to do that,” Y/N grumbled pulling away from Negan and dropping back down at the end of her couch when she realized she was fighting a losing battle. “I understand why you didn’t tell her Negan. I just love you; I wish you would understand that.”

“Part of me thinks you don’t believe me,” Negan pulled himself up into a seated position. “Part of me thinks that you think I’m just too much of a coward to do it so you think I came up with a bullshit story to sell about Lucille.”

“Why would you lie that someone you care about is sick?” she grunted and threw her hands up in the air. “I believe you Negan, I also remember telling you that I wanted you to be a hundred percent certain that this is what you wanted. I never wanted to rush you into anything you didn’t want to do. I wanted you to do what felt right and comfortable for you.”

“Then why don’t you look at me like you used to anymore?” Negan frowned, rubbing his hand over the back of his tense neck.

“Maybe you think that because we’re not having sex. Do you want to have sex so that you can see that look again?” she offered and Negan rolled his eyes before looking back to the television. Crawling across the couch again she reached out to slide her hand in over Negan’s thigh hearing him take in a sharp breath. “Is this the look you are looking for?”

“Y/N…” Negan let out an uncomfortable sound when he felt her hand slide in over the center of his pants and he groaned. Letting her caress over his body for a moment, Negan watcher her closely and felt his pulse leaping in his chest. While he enjoyed the touch, he knew that it was wrong in that moment. Negan reached for her hand and shook his head. “It has nothing to do with sex. I just…want to know you love me like I love you.”

“Baby, I think I love you more than you love me,” she snickered with a frustrated sound. The response caused Negan to get frustrated with her, but she didn’t care. It was incredible how much she loved Negan and she knew that it probably wasn’t even that healthy for her to love him as much as she did. “I don’t know where you get the idea that I don’t love you anymore because you are everything to me. If you don’t think that then you aren’t paying enough attention. I live for the days that I get to be with you. I love you…more than you will ever know.”

“I’m sorry…” Negan sighed heavily, a frown expanding over his features as he reached up to cover his face. “I’ve been so stressed lately between everything with Lucille and having to pretend that everything is okay with her when I would rather be here with you.”

“It’s fine,” she tried to blow it off even though he had truly made her feel bad about everything. Instead of letting it linger, she sighed and slid across the couch to wrap her arm around his shoulders, giving them a firm squeeze. “I get it.”

“There is something else that has been kind of bothering me too…” Negan announced lifting his head enough to look beside him where she was seated. “Remember that test that I was supposed to have done to see if I was sterile?”

“Did you get the results back?” she felt her chest ache seeing the expression over Negan’s features and she automatically thought the worst. If Negan got the results back that he couldn’t have children that would explain why he was so upset in general lately.

“No, I didn’t do it. I called and cancelled the appointment because I was terrified,” Negan informed her with a broken tone. His deep voice was stammering and his eyes were shifting. “The idea that I’m potentially incapable of having children scares the hell out of me. I mean…I don’t really think I’m ready to be a father right now as it is, but the fact that I couldn’t have them makes me kind of terrified. For some reason that thought has been lingering ever since Lucille brought it up.”

“Well…you could be perfectly fine, you know that, right?” Y/N pointed out and Negan shrugged his shoulders. Caressing over his back, Y/N attempted to make him feel more comfortable and could feel the tension in his back growing. Trying to work out the knots in his back, she leaned forward to press a kiss over his shoulder. “I’m sure everything is okay.”

“Lucille just has the idea in my head and it scares the shit out of me,” Negan stated, rubbing his hands together at he spoke. His Adam’s apple bounced in his throat and he looked to Y/N with a half laugh. “You and I would make a cute kid, you know that?”

“I think you would make a cute baby no matter what,” she reached out to squeeze his knee and Negan it name him smirk. “You’re a good looking guy and I think you would make beautiful babies. Something tells me the world wouldn’t rob you of that.”

“You know…you and I should do something fun,” Negan changed the subject, rubbing at his face in a tense fashion. Negan rocked a bit in his seat and he seemed to have some nervous energy inside of him. “Something other than just sit around and watch a television show.”

“I mean I enjoy this, but what would you prefer? We can get the fire pit started out back and have a nice night out there? Relax on the hammock? Or if you want we can go swimming or something? It’s been a while since we’ve done that…”

“I mean…real fun,” Negan grinned, watching the innocent glance she gave him.

“That is real fun to me,” she frowned and Negan let out an amused, lingering sound. Her cheeks flushed over when he laughed at her and she felt odd about it. Being with Negan in general was more than enough for her.

“Baby, do me a favor and go put on that black dress I got you. We’re going out,” Negan nodded toward the stairs and she swallowed down hard.

“Where are we going this late Negan?” Y/N looked to the time and Negan laughed, reaching for her hand to pull her up from the couch.

“We’re going to have to make you live a little Y/N,” Negan urged her to follow him to the stairs where he instructed her to get dressed up. They both got put together before Negan led her to his car. At first she thought Negan was going to go somewhere and do something special like he would usually have done when they first started getting romantic with each other, but when he started to head to a more populated part of town she realized that’s not what he was attempting. Maybe it was a nice late night dinner somewhere? Her thoughts were quickly stalled when he parked across the street from a club and saw the amused expression over his handsome features. Within seconds of parking he was out of the car and helping her out, urging her toward the club. “See…this…this is fun.”

“It’s a lot of people and it’s…loud,” Y/N announced noticing the smile that pressed in over Negan’s features when he led her toward the dance floor once they were inside. The club was packed and the music was extremely loud. It wasn’t something Y/N had typically done in her younger years. A few times she had, but it was never really her scene.

“I know it isn’t sitting at home watching our television shows or reading those books you like,” Negan almost yelled in her ear as he pulled her body in closer to him urging her to dance. Leading her movements at first, Negan noticed her uneasiness before warming up to the idea. Kissing over the side of her neck, Negan grabbed a firm hold of her hips and ground his hips against hers to the music. There was a look in her eyes that told him she was fairly uncomfortable with the movements, but he liked pushing her comfort levels. “It’s nice getting to show the world that you are mine sometimes in public too.”

“It doesn’t matter what the world thinks…because I know I am,” she tipped up on her toes and kissed over Negan’s earlobe hearing him growl. The environment was overwhelming with all the people around them, but Y/N found her body heating up at the closeness of Negan while they danced together.

There must have been a nervous energy built up so high in Negan’s body because he wanted to keep dancing. Occasionally he would get himself a drink before leading her back to the dance floor. A lot of their dancing felt very sexual and Y/N could feel her body getting extremely worked up by it. Negan knew what he was doing and he was doing it well. It was almost like he was attempting to tease her for the things that were said earlier.

It was very clear by the amusement on his face that he wanted to get her hot and bothered in a crowd full of people. Thankfully it wasn’t an usual behavior in a place like this, but it was very new for her. Y/N never really knew that Negan liked things like this. She always just assumed that he liked to be at home alone spending time together, but she continued to go through it for him.

“I need another drink,” Negan called out, reaching for her hand to lead her back to the bar and Y/N could feel her heart pounding inside of her chest. The music was loud, it had been a few hours since they had been there and the building was hot.

Negan ordered another drink and Y/N tipped up to speak loud enough in Negan’s ear, “Haven’t you had enough to drink tonight? We still have to drive home.”

“The night is young sweetheart,” Negan replied with a bright smile, grabbing his drink when the bartender came back with it. In no time Negan had downed that drink as well before nodding toward the back. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Yeah. Maybe we can go home when you get back? I’ll drive,” she suggested and Negan tilted his head to the side giving her a glance that made her shrug. “It’s just a thought.”

“You need to learn to live a little baby,” Negan teased before leaving her alone by the bar.

Y/N waited for Negan to return, tapping her hands against the bar while she waited. While she had admitted to herself that she had fun with Negan, it got to that point in the night where she was tired. She would have really rather go home and spend the rest of the time that she had left with him cuddled up together. It was her favorite part of spending time with Negan since she only got him a few times a week; she really longed to have those moments with him.

The sensation of hands sliding up the sides of her waist was felt and she let out a sigh of relief, “I am so glad you are here…”

She turned on her heel to see an unfamiliar face behind her and she gave the person an odd expression. It was a guy likely her age or a little bit older and she cleared her throat uneasily, “I’m so glad to see you are here too.”

“You aren’t who I thought you were,” she declared, cornering herself back against the bar feeling suddenly awkward that some stranger was caressing up and over her body like that. “I’m sorry, do I know you?"

“We go to school together. We don’t have any of the same classes, but I’ve seen you on campus and I have to say you look fucking hot like that,” the boy proclaimed, reaching up to brush back his blonde hair. “How come I’ve never seen you here before?”

“It’s not really my thing,” she countered uncomfortably, looking for Negan. “I’m kind of here with someone.”

“Well, you’re alone right now,” the boy pointed out with a smirk and reached out to try and touch her again. “How about a dance?”

“No thank you. I appreciate the offer though,” she saw the boy frown and felt him reach out to grab a hold of her wrist again trying to pull her forward. “I’m not really in the mood to dance.”

“Then how about we cut out the boring parts and the two of us go out back,” there was a slur to the boy’s voice as she pushed into his chest and shook her head. “Come on, I bet I would give you the night of your life.”

“I…doubt that,” she laughed, pressing her hand in over his chest to keep the distance. “I appreciate the offer, but you’re going to have to find someone else. I’m going to be leaving.”

“Come on,” the boy frowned again, reaching to pull her in closer to him when she tried to leave again. “Live a little.”

“I’m trying, just not with you…” she tried to pull her body from his grasp and heard the grunt that he gave when she did it. “I said no…”

“No spelled y-e-s,” the boy snickered and she felt the boy being pulled from her with a large amount of force and watched him spill out on the floor before her.

“Fuck off, she said no,” Negan moved in front of her and she let out a relieved breath. Negan noticed that people were staring and she felt his hand reach for hers. “You were right; I think we’ve had enough of this place tonight.”

Following Negan through the crowd, they made it out the backdoor and she found herself clinging tightly to Negan’s hand while they walked out of the club.

“Hey…” the boy’s voice called out and they heard the door to the club slamming open. Negan looked over his shoulder at the younger blonde. “Is this your guy? Are you fucking serious? Him?”

“Fuck off,” Negan rolled his eyes and urged Y/N to follow him again.

“Yeah, okay old man,” the boy mocked and Negan looked over his shoulder at the guy. “It won’t be long before a guy like me is sticking it to your girl anyways…”

“He’s drunk Negan,” Y/N felt Negan released her hand and turned to face the guy. The fact that both the stranger and Negan were drunk made her uncomfortable. “He’s a stupid, drunk college kid.”

“Hey, he wants to run his mouth…” Negan pointed toward the guy, letting out a tense laugh. “Something tells me that the only girl you get is the one you end up drugging…”

“And something tells me that the only way you can get it up is from Viagra,” the guy snorted making Negan roll his eyes before going to step away. “Yeah…you and your slut can have each other.”

“Excuse me?” Negan snapped, turning on his heel to see the guy smirk. “What did you just call her?”

“I called her a slut,” the guy repeated reaching out to shove Negan firmly in the chest. Negan stumbled and laugh, his head lowering down to look at the ground for a moment. “What the fuck are you going to do about it old man?”

“Old man?” Negan repeated the guy’s words and Y/N reached out to try and grab a hold of Negan. Politely, Negan pulled from her and urged her to stay where she was. “I bet you want to hit me. Right? This old man is getting the pussy that you wish you had. This old man isn’t a pathetic, limp dick fuck like yourself…this old man could kick your fucking ass given the chance. So come on…”

“Negan stop,” Y/N called out to him and Negan held his hand up to her to get her to wait.

When the guy didn’t move, Negan laughed and nodded, “that’s what I thought…fucking pussy.”

Turning on his heel, Negan moved in closer to Y/N until the guy took a step forward and hit Negan from behind making Y/N gasp out when he did it. Negan dropped to his knees, wincing and Y/N tried to reach for him.

“Fuck you old man,” the guy grunted and Y/N found herself stumbling back when Negan quickly got up from the ground.

The guy tried to hit Negan who quickly stepped aside before bringing his right fist into the center of the younger man’s face several times. A gasp fell from her throat when Negan swept his foot under the guy’s legs making him hit the ground hard. Before she could even comprehend what was happening, Negan was over the younger man hitting him over and over again with punch after powerful punch.

“Negan,” she moved forward trying to draw his attention away from the guy. “Negan stop.”

“Do you wanna call my girl a slut again?” Negan snarled punching the guy over and over again. Blood stained the younger man’s face and Y/N cringed every time Negan hit the guy. “You stupid motherfucker.”

“Negan…” Y/N tried to reach for his arm to get him to stop. It was clear he had had already knocked the stranger unconscious and there was blood everywhere, but Negan kept hitting his face. Trying to reach out to grab at Negan’s arm, he pulled away from her and kept hitting the guy. “Please…please stop. If someone finds you, you’re going to go to jail. Please…”

It wasn’t her pleas that made him stop; it was the sound of her crying that pulled him away from hitting the guy with his powerful punches. Negan wiped the back of his hand at the side of his face spreading some of the blood that was over his hands over the side of his face.

“What’s wrong baby?” Negan slowly got up and he could see her stepping back and away from him. “Hey…it’s okay.”

“Jesus Negan,” she looked to the guy laid out before them seeing the blood that was everywhere. “Is he alive?”

Negan stood there breathing heavily while she reached down to feel for a pulse. She thanked God when she felt one and looked back to see Negan wiping his hands off on his gray t-shirt that was exposed under his leather jacket.

“We need to get out of here before someone calls the cops and you get arrested,” she reached for his hand and grabbed a tight hold of him, leading him through the alleys toward where they had parked. When they got down an alley that was empty, he pulled her toward him. “Negan, we need to leave.”

“Everything is okay baby,” Negan tried to hush her, reaching up to grab a soft hold of her face. The sound of his heavy breaths filled the air and he could tell that she was still worried about him. “Nothing is going to happen to me. There’s no reason for you to cry.”

“They could arrest you,” she stammered and Negan shook his head slowly. “Negan, we need to get you out of here…”

“I was defending myself, he hit me from behind first,” Negan reminded her, brushing her hair out of her face and he leaned forward to press a soft kiss over her lips. “Everything is okay baby…I would do anything for you. You know that?”

“That was crazy Negan,” she pointed out with nervous breaths and Negan shook his head. “You shouldn’t have done that. He was just a stupid college kid.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Negan tried to insist as he pressed her back carefully against the brick wall. Negan reached to wipe at his face where blood clearly covered it, but it did nothing in getting rid of the blood. It simply just smeared what was already there. “You mean everything to me too, you know that?”

“Negan,” she stammered, shallow pants falling from her lips with him pressed up against her like he was. “I never realized…how strong you were.”

“It kind of turns you on, right?” Negan slurred and her eyes looked nervous, but her pupils were dilated and he could see the way her body was shaking against his. “I think you’re concerned because instead of being worried you are kind of turned on by the fact that I could take care of you. Aren’t you?”

“Negan, I was turned on before that by the dancing…” she informed him with a nervous breath and Negan’s grin expanded over his cocky features. “We should head back home and get you cleaned up…”

“If that’s what you want,” Negan didn’t budge. He just stood before her, his tongue dragging over his bottom lip. The sound of her breathing was loud and she could tell that her body still trembling while he stood before her.

“You could have killed him Negan,” she reminded him, trying to avoid eye contact with him. The sensation of her body heating up was felt and she damned her body for actually getting turned on by all of this when it was actually something that was quite awful. “It was awful.”

“But I didn’t,” Negan retorted with a sigh, “I know when to stop.”

“Yeah, but what if you would have gotten caught? What if they would have arrested you? I couldn’t lose you Negan. That would be the worst thing that I could think of,” she reached out to grab a hold of the sides of his leather jacket, pulling him in closer to her. The warmth of Negan in front of her caused her throat to go dry. “It wasn’t worth it.”

“It was…it’s a man’s job is to take care of his woman,” Negan’s hazel eyes searched hers and he tipped in closer to her, his lips a fraction away from hers. “The words that came out of his mouth were fucking vile. He deserved worse than what he got.”

“I don’t know about that,” she nervously laughed and looked down, but Negan reached up to draw her eyes back to his, forcing her to look at him. “So do you beat a lot of guys almost to death?”

“Only when they deserve it,” Negan slurred, his smile expanding over his features. There was an arrogance to the way he was moving his head while he answered her. “And that fucker deserved it.”

Y/N found her hands pressing in over the center of Negan’s chest, caressing over it before lowering her hands toward his abdomen. Negan grunted when she lifted his shirt to slip her hands beneath the material to caress over his slender body.

“Do you always get turned on when someone beats the hell out someone?” Negan snickered while she teased her fingers through the dark hair covering his skin. One of her hands slid out from beneath his shirt and reached for his bloody hand. His knuckles were bruised and she swallowed down hard.

“Does it hurt?” she stammered, her eyes lifting to his.

“No, not at all,” Negan retorted with a laugh. “How about you?”

“What are you…?” she saw Negan’s gaze lower and she pressed her hand into the center of his chest hearing him laugh. It was clear he was being naughty in his question. “It’s not funny Negan; I shouldn’t be turned on after what you did. What you did was crazy.”

“Uh huh,” Negan chuckled and the amused sound he was making annoyed her. “Right.”

“Damn it…” she reached for his leather jacket and pulled him down to her. Their lips met in forceful, desperate way while her hands eagerly reached for his belt. A grunt escaped his throat when she powerfully pulled him forward by his belt so she could open it easier.

“Fuck,” Negan groaned when she managed to swiftly pull apart his belt and pants before dipping her hand beneath the material to connect with his solid erection. Their kiss became sloppy while both of them fought for some kind of control over it. There was something so animalistic about it and it should not have turned her on as much as it did, but it did. Her hand pumped over his length for a moment before Negan reached down to grasp a tight hold of her thighs to lift her up and press her against the brick wall. “You’re fucking wild, you know that?”

“I guess I take after you,” she countered with a gasp, wrapping her arms snuggly around his shoulders when he reached with one of his hands to push her dress up her hips. Negan was quick in the way that he pushed aside her panties before returning his grasp to her thigh to keep her propped up against the wall. “You’ve rubbed off on me…”

“I wasn’t the one doing the rubbing,” Negan winked when she reached between them to lead his hard cock to her entrance. Within seconds, he sank himself inside of her by thrusting his hips forcefully forward. A whimper escaped her throat and she clung tightly to Negan. The sensation of Negan’s lips pressing over her neck caused her head to fall back against the hard wall. “You are so fucking wet.”

Tugging on Negan’s hair, she forced his head back and saw his teeth gritting while he bucked his hips up to her time and time again. Negan’s lips twisted into a wicked smirk as her cries filled the air, “You are my dirty little girl, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” she winced when his thrusts got harder and his head lowered against the side of her neck. This was unlike anything they had ever done before. It was dangerous to still be so close to the club after what Negan had done, especially since he still had the stranger’s blood all over him, but it was almost exciting being in a place where they could get caught. Negan certainly did bring out the wild, dangerous side of her and she wasn’t sure whether that was a bad thing or not. “I love you…”

“I love you too beautiful,” Negan pulled his head up to meet her in a kiss and she found herself eager for more. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she was absolutely addicted to Negan no matter how dangerous he was.

There was no time wasted in their sex, it was dirty and rough just like it was in that alleyway. Negan’s movements were sharp while his lips caressed over the side of her neck over and over again. Desperately grasping tightly to his shoulders, she rocked herself over him to meet his thrusts. Nothing about the moment was pure; it was just a quick romp that escalated from the pure adrenaline that was flowing through the both them after what happened.

Their desperate breaths filled the air when they were both eager to reach their breaking point. When the sounds of people were heard, Negan had covered her mouth with his while his hips bucked up to her time and time again. Squeezing her thighs around Negan drew him deeper within her and she whimpered into his mouth when her orgasm hit her in a hot liquid rush. Soon after Negan finished as well and his muted moans pressed against her lips as his hips slowly began to falter. They took a minute to catch their breath before Negan carefully lowered her to the ground and they both worked to pull their clothes back together. Without another word, Negan reached for her hand and quickly led her back to her car. Wobbling on her legs, she found it hard to stay up, but she followed Negan closely knowing that if she were to fall he would catch her.

There was no haste in them making it back to the car. During the ride back, neither one of them really spoke. When they got back to the house, Negan had stripped out of his clothing in the laundry room before heading to the bathroom to shower. Y/N had put their clothes into the laundry and followed Negan’s lead to the shower. Opening the door to the shower made Negan look over his shoulder at her and she moved into it with him. Closing the door behind her, she stepped in behind Negan and slid her hands up his broad back, sliding her palms up and over Negan’s shoulders. A heavy sigh fell from Negan’s throat. More than anything her mind wanted to talk about what happened. What Negan had done to that stranger, but she said nothing. Negan turned to face her under the stream of the water and pulled her in closer to his chest. The warmth of the water began to cascade down her body, but the warmth of Negan is what drew her closer to him. Sliding her palms up his chest, she took her time to trace over the freckles that covered his shoulders.

“You okay?” Negan confirmed, his eyes searching hers for a moment and she nodded. “You’re quiet.”

“Just…thinking…” she responded, curling her arm around his shoulders and Negan hummed when his arms loosely wrapped around her hips.

“We need to get you clean,” Negan took notice of the blood that was still over her body and he swallowed down hard. Hooking her arm tighter around his shoulders, she pulled him down into a kiss. A laugh rumbled from his throat while he kissed her over and over again underneath the spray of the water.

“I’m not sure I’m ever going to be clean when I’m with you,” she purred against his lips and felt him smile. “I’m a very dirty girl when I’m with you…”

“And I wouldn’t have you any other way,” Negan growled against her flesh causing her to shudder while his arm hooked around her shoulders, drawing her closer to him for another kiss.

After their shower, they cuddled up outside together until Negan had to leave. Nothing was said other than a few things here or there, but never about what had happened. Never about what he had done or how it barely affected her. The only thing she had taken notice of and had mentioned was how Negan’s knuckles were bruised and clearly going to leave a mark from what he had done.

Days had passed since it happened and Y/N found herself moving into the laundry room again. Y/N reached into the washer to pull out Negan’s clothes from the other night that she had tried several times to wash.

There were things that still bothered her. When she saw him attacking the stranger, she wasn’t at all worried about the stranger. The only thing that bothered her was the idea of what could happen to Negan. Truthfully, she didn’t care what happened to the other guy and that frightened her. While she got why Negan had done it, he still didn’t have to go that far, yet he did.

That day she should have asked him about it, but she didn’t. There was no need because she was still so high off their sex that night that she couldn’t think of anything other than Negan. How much she loved being with Negan and how good he could make her feel. It was like when Negan was around he was all that mattered and she knew that’s not how she should think about things.

Drawing her attention back to the clothes, she let out a defeated sound. While she had more luck with getting the blood out of Negan’s dark pants, she found herself coming to terms that she wouldn’t be able to fully get the stains out of the white t-shirt that Negan was wearing that night. Setting the white t-shirt aside, she heard the sound of the doorbell ringing and closed up the laundry room.

Moving through the house, she pulled open the door to see Negan standing at the door with a box in his hands. It was earlier than normal for Negan to be there, but she wasn’t about to question it as she pushed the door open for him and watched him eagerly move into the house. Negan sat the box down in the corner of the room while she closed the door. When the door was closed he boldly moved across the room to grab her hands in his.

“Hey baby,” Negan tipped down to press a quick kiss over her lips and she let out a long sigh. “There has been something on my mind I wanted to talk to you about. Something important.”

“Me too,” she informed him, rubbing her fingers over the back of his hands. “I was thinking about the other night Negan and…I think we should talk about it.”

“Ah, our little dirty deed in the alley? What about it?” Negan’s brows wiggled and she felt herself blushing even if she wasn’t trying to get that way. Without hesitation Negan bent down and peppered kisses over the side of her face. The sensation of his short beard brushing against her skin caused her to giggle and pull away from him. An amused breath fell from his lips when he met her glance again. “You’re so damn cute.”

“So are you…” she responded with a frown knowing that it was hard to really bring about negative situations with Negan because he was so damn charming. Minutes before she was thinking about something serious, but then he would step in front of her and she would see those ridiculously charming dimples and everything rational would go out the window. “I’m not talking about the sex though.”

“Really? I’ve been thinking about that all week and how fucking amazing it was,” Negan growled, leaning down to playfully nip at the side of her neck making her gasp. “I’ve been thinking about how fantastic you felt. How you tried to bite your lip while you came to keep from letting the world around you know what was going on. I kept thinking about how hard I fucking came…”

“Negan…do you ever stop?” she rolled her eyes and she felt him playfully tugging on her hands. “You’re something else.”

“I know,” Negan snorted, stealing another kiss from her lips before shrugged. “What’s going on for real?”

“I keep trying to get the blood from your white shirt and I can’t get it out,” she admitted and Negan simply shrugged. “I don’t know what to do with it.”

“Just throw it out,” Negan suggested, not really giving it a second thought. “People throw shit out all the time.”

“Yeah, but what if they come after you for what happened to that guy?” she swallowed hard and Negan gave her a sideways glance.

“Baby, people have bar fights all the time. I didn’t kill the guy. He hit me first and that was his mistake. I guarantee when he woke up he didn’t remember shit,” Negan grumbled, clearly not even worried about the situation. Looking to her hands wrapped up in his, she could see the bruising that was done to his knuckles and frowned. Negan let out an awe sound before reaching up to cup her face in his hands gently. “I’m alright sweetheart. It doesn’t hurt…”

“They look like they hurt,” she reached up to place her hands over his and saw the smirk pressing over his handsome features. “I worry about you Negan.”

“You don’t have to,” Negan hushed her, stepping forward to delicately brush his lips over hers. “It’s my job to worry about you.”

“You shouldn’t have beaten him as badly as you did,” she reasoned with him and Negan continued to kiss her over and over again making her grow weak in the knees. Falling forward into his chest, Negan’s arms wrapping around her waist was the only thing that kept her up. “I never want to see you get in trouble for getting that angry.”

“It was a special occasion,” Negan muttered against her lips and continued to kiss her. “I was protecting the honor of my sweet, innocent, beautiful girlfriend.”

“I just never want to lose you Negan. It scared me how okay you are with all of this. How okay I was with all of this,” she whimpered into his mouth and Negan pulled back enough to look her over. Gradually his forehead pressed against hers and he held her close to his body. “It should have left a greater impact on us than it did.”

“It’s not the first guy I beat the shit out of and it certainly won’t be the last fucking asshole I do it,” Negan insisted while his warm breath traced in over her lips. “What really matters is that night we left together and we were both safe. We were high on each other and that’s all that matters. I love you so much.”

“I’m just worried that I will lose you one day Negan,” she frowned, hating to admit that to him, “I just…you mean everything to me.”

“And you will never, ever lose me,” Negan assured her, kissing her once more before sighing heavily. “Now let’s talk about something more positive.”

Negan grabbed a hold of her hand and led her to the couch to sit down. Negan paced for a moment and rubbed his hands together before turning to face her, “Alright, so I was getting worried about the whole being sterile thing. I kept thinking about not being able to have a baby…and it was kind of eating away at me.”

“Okay?” she looked up at him and could see that he was smiling brightly. “Did you get the test done and everything came back okay?”

“Oh, no. I’m not sure that I would ever be able to get that test done,” Negan quickly rejected her question and threw his hands up. “I realized that I could still be a dad and we can still be a family without worrying about the whole…does my sperm work…does my sperm not work thing.”

“By adopting?” she filled in the blanks, her eyebrow perking up while she spoke to him.

“Exactly,” Negan pointed at her and a laugh fell from his throat. “That’s exactly right. By adopting.”

“Okay, but we’re not together. We’re not going to be accepted because…” hearing the sound of a tiny howl, Y/N’s eyes looked to the box that was behind Negan that Negan had brought in. “I’m not even sure I’d be ready…”

Getting up from the couch, she walked across the room and reached down to pull the lid from the box to see a white German Shepherd puppy emerging from the box. Looking behind her shoulder at Negan, she could see the excitement in his hazel eyes and she smirked.

“Hey you…” lowering down to her knee she felt the puppy jumping up to give her kisses when she knelt closer and she looked to see the collar. There was a nametag already on it and she lowered in closer to see it. “Hello Ghost. You are a beautiful boy, aren’t you?”

“He kind of stole my thunder and announced himself before he was supposed to,” Negan lowered down beside her on his knee, reaching out to rub at the puppy’s ears after he barked. “I know I fucked up the other day, I have been thinking about it too.”

Y/N looked to Negan and could see his eyes narrowing out at her as he spoke, “I want us to be happy. I want to have a family with you and I thought what better way to do that than to get a puppy. A friend of mine had recently got him and didn’t have time to take care of him. I changed his name though because his name was Muffin and I just thought that would be…”

“Awful,” she chuckled and saw the way that Negan smiled when the dog jumped into her arms. It made Y/N fall back on her bottom and Negan let out a laugh. “We’re going to need a lot of supplies if we are going to take care of Ghost. We’ll need food, toys…”

“They are all already in the car sweetheart, I come prepared,” Negan winked and pat his legs for Ghost to come to him. Ghost excitedly barked and jumped into Negan’s chest to get a hug from him as well. Negan pressed a kiss over the puppy’s head and looked to Y/N with amusement. “I take it this means that you are okay with being a parent with me?”

“Well…how could I say no to that?” Y/N watched the puppy lick at Negan’s face and Negan cuddled in closer to the puppy while petting him. “He’s so cute.”

“I know, I couldn’t fucking believe my friend wanted to get rid of him,” Negan stood slowly and reached down to pick the puppy up in his arms. Negan cuddled the puppy in closer to his chest and she watched it get comfortable in his arms. “I always wanted a dog, but Lucille wouldn’t let me get one.”

“He sure likes you,” Y/N moved in beside Negan to reach out and brush her hands over the oversized ears of the puppy.

“I’m an animal whisperer,” Negan teased her with a wink and could see the awe she had for the dog in his arms. It was sweet to see someone actually have the same kind of love for animals that he did and he was happy that she was accepting of the puppy. “I realize I’m putting a lot of responsibility on you because you will be his primary parent…”

“I happily accept. I always wanted a dog…” she informed Negan with a firm nod. Negan urged her to help him get the rest of the stuff he had bought for Ghost before they took him outside to play.

For hours Negan spent time trying to train Ghost and play with him while Y/N helped. Time went by faster than they both expected and before they knew it they were all stretched out on the hammock together. Ghost was lying on Negan’s chest while she laid there with her head over Negan’s shoulder petting Ghost. The soft snores from the puppy filled the air making them both smile when they stared up at the night sky together.

“This is what I always wanted, you know?” Negan looked to Y/N, a sigh falling from his throat when she met his glance. “I wanted to be happy. I wanted to have a dog, a home and someone that I could be happy with. The idea of being with someone who loved me just as much as I loved them was always something I longed for. This is everything I’ve ever wanted and yet it feels for far from me.”

“We’re right here,” she reminded him and Negan looked down at Ghost sleeping over his chest. “It’s not that far away.”

“But I’m faking another life,” Negan frowned and lifted his head enough to press a kiss over Ghost’s head. “I was too much of a coward to drop a bombshell on Lucille and tell her that I was in love with someone else. I let my fear get the best of me when I found the person I wanted to spend my forever with.”

“You were being a good person Negan,” she tried to assure him and he let out a saddened breath. “If there is one thing I’ve learned…it’s how much I love you. I’ll be here for you, when you’re ready. When everything turns out okay with Lucille and we know for certain that she’s not sick, if you truly decide you want to be with me…”

“I do,” Negan interrupted her, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat and a seriousness over his face. “More than anything.”

“Well…then I will be here for you,” she whispered, reaching up to trace over his handsome features. There was a sadness in Negan’s eyes and it was something that she wasn’t used to. “We’ll always be right here waiting for you Negan.”

“It’s just hard,” Negan half laughed, looking back up at the sky before he spoke. “While I love the sex with you, what I really love is our conversations and the cuddling we do at night. I love you being in my arms. I love waking up to you sleeping on my chest because just for that one moment…everything in the world feels right. Everything feels like it is going to be okay because you are right there in my arms. The time I spend without you, I feel fucking broken. When I’m with you I feel fucking whole. I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never wanted to spend every minute that I have with another person and it makes me feel all weird and shit.”

“Why? Because you love someone?” she laughed seeing the way that Negan’s nose wrinkled. “It’s okay.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t know love felt like this,” Negan responded as Ghost got up enough to lie between the two of them. It took a minute for the puppy to cuddle up beside them and Negan sighed when Ghost finally yawned and fell back asleep. “I thought love was just what I had with Lucille and don’t get me wrong, I love her. I do, but it’s different. I think Lucille was meant to be my best friend. We were meant to spend our lives with each other, but maybe as friends. I know I did bad shit, I know I slept around, but with you…I don’t want to be with anyone else because what I’m searching for, I get with you. Completely…and that’s all I want.”

“I fucking love you,” she reached out to grab a hold of Negan’s jaw, roughly pulling him to her so she could kiss him over and over again. Negan hummed against her mouth and a moment later she heard the sound of the puppy growling. “I think someone is jealous.”

“A little bit,” Negan looked between them to see Ghost slowly crawling up between them to put a distance between the two of them. “You know I fucking love you too.”

“I see that,” she looked at the way he stared out at her. “Even if I have competition with a puppy.”

“That’s the best kind of competition,” Negan laughed, winking out at her before sighing. “Seriously Y/N…I know I’ve put you through so much shit and I’ve done some awful fucking things, but I hope in the end it works itself out because I want to be with you. I want to make you happy and I want to have everything I thought was just a myth…with you. I love you and I never want to let you go.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan gets jealous of the time that the reader/oc is spending with Joel and decides to make his claim known on her.

Lifting her head, Y/N stared out at Joel while he was checking the papers for one of his classes. Even with Negan not being exactly comfortable with them being friends, Y/N continued to hang out with Joel after classes. They even started hanging out on the days that they didn’t have class together. It was an odd bond, but she liked it. In the short time that they had been friends they had learned all kinds of things about each other. It was surprising how easy it was just to be open with Joel about things. Joel was very open to everything she said and was always very supportive. There was always an occasional tease here or there, but it was never done in spite or to be mean. After that one lapse in judgment from Joel within reason, she found him to be very willing to listen and understand what was going on in her life. Whenever she would talk, she’d have his undivided attention. Whenever he talked, he would have hers. In the less serious moments where they weren’t talking about the important things in life, things were just relaxed and it was fun having someone to spend some time with.

“You can tell that these kids are just here for the credit,” Y/N blurt out while she checked the tests from one of his classes for him. A lot of them had plenty of questions wrong and she was surprised how little his students clearly paid attention or maybe it was just that they didn’t care. “I can see why you begged me to start trying again earlier in the semester because damn…”

“Thankfully those are just the smaller parts of their grade,” Joel spoke up, “The papers and projects are where most of the points count.”

“Good for them because I think a lot of these people would be screwed,” she scoffed while going onto the next text. It was fun getting to help Joel with his other classes. She damn near had to beg him to let her help him with things, but she was glad that she did. It was something she enjoyed and it was nice having work to feel important, even if it was something as simple as helping him check his tests. “Even when I wasn’t paying attention, I think I was doing better than they are.”

Joel smirked and nodded while he continued to read. Reaching for one of her candies, Y/N unwrapped one for herself and saw Joel’s hazel eyes raise up when he heard her playing with the wrapper.

“You want one?” she rest back further in her chair at the desk across from Joel and saw Joel wave her on. Looking to the candy she grabbed, she wrinkled her nose and knew that they had a deal that he’d take the flavors she didn’t like with her candy. “I can’t believe you like this flavor. I hate this flavor.”

“Well you’re lucky I’m here then to eat it for you so it doesn’t go to waste,” Joel snickered holding his hands out waiting for her to throw him another fruit chew candy like she had done over the last hour or so. 

“Let’s make this fun,” she suggested and Joel’s right eyebrow perked up. “I’ll throw it and you catch it with your mouth.”

“Y/N, I’m an award winning writer and I’m your professor,” Joel scoffed in his southern drawl making her laugh.

“Does that mean you aren’t up for it?” she teased hearing him snort.

“No, that means bring that shit on,” Joel positioned his chair better, waving his hand and motioning her to do it. “Just have a good throw and don’t make me look bad.”

“You got it,” she smirked, unwrapping the candy. Tossing it across the distance she watched Joel scoot his chair back when her throw was a bit long, yet he successfully caught the candy in his mouth. Joel threw his arms up in the air in victory and she clapped her hands together. It was fun being silly with Joel and it was amusing to see someone she originally thought was such a tight ass to be so relaxed and silly with her. Joel was surprisingly goofy and it was nice to see. “I did not see that working. Nice job.”

“I have a talented mouth,” Joel blurt out and almost immediately his eyes got wide after he said that. “I mean that in a very innocent, pure kind of way. I’m good at eating things. Shit, I mean…”

“I get it. Get your mind out of the gutter. Just because mine is always there doesn’t mean you have to follow in my footsteps,” she went back to grading his tests and heard him groan before returning to the paper he was reading. “I swear I’m rubbing off on you more every day.”

“Just a bit,” Joel pulled his fingers through his short beard and she watched him while he graded. “Shouldn’t you be heading home soon? Isn’t your boyfriend getting jealous with all the time you’ve been spending with me lately? I mean, you’re pretty much my assistant at this point. We’re going to lunch and dinner several times a week…”

“I mean, he really doesn’t know how much time I’m actually spending with you. He just knows that I have lunch and dinner with you sometimes,” Y/N explained, clearing her throat while she shifted in her seat. Negan wasn’t exactly happy with the idea of her spending time with Joel and she wanted to keep how close they had gotten from Negan. It was purely an innocent friendship, but she knew Negan might not be comfortable with all the time they had been spending together. “He’s busy with his wife right now. You know I get him on the nights she goes to work or whenever she is busy.”

“Right, my mistake,” Joel motioned her to throw him another candy and she reached in her bag to toss him one. “Well, I’m sorry it’s that way.”

“It’s nothing you’ve done,” she retorted watching him peeling open the candy and plopping it into his mouth. Joel reached to push his dark green plaid shirt up his arms and she sighed. “It just is what it is. I wish I could spend more time with him.” 

“I know that and I wish you had more time with him too. Although, I’ve been enjoying the time you’ve been around. I kind of forgot what it was like to have…friends. My only friend the last few years since I’ve moved here has been my laptop and anyone that’s in my stories,” Joel tapped his pen on the desk and half smirked. “It’s been nice having someone to talk back and forth with. Someone who likes to share ideas and be creative together.”

“Don’t worry about it, plus I understand…being lonely sucks,” she frowned, knowing exactly how he felt. For the most part in her life she always felt very lonely. She had some friends in college, but no one she was as open with as she was with Joel. When she was at home, it was always very lonely as well. Finishing up with checking the tests, she stacked them together and moved to his desk to set them on the corner.

“You’re fast,” Joel pointed out, his eyes lifting up from what he was reading. “You know you really don’t have to do that for me, right?”

“It’s like my payment for you letting me read the preview of your next story,” she waited at the side of his desk patiently. A smirk pressed in over Joel’s features and he turned to face her. Resting his elbow on the desk, he shrugged and made a dramatic face like he didn’t know what she was waiting for. “Come on, I want my next twenty pages.”

“You know, I could get in trouble for letting you see this before it even gets published. I reckon that would not be very good for my career,” Joel reminded her with a laugh. “I’m risking a lot to let you read this stuff.”

“Yeah, but you like the commentary and having someone to read it for you. It’s worth the risk, so hand it over,” she waved her hand in Joel’s face making him smile when she did it. Joel’s thick eyebrows tensed together before he nodded. He reached for his bag that was beside the desk and she leaned in beside him, bracing one of her hands on his desk and the other on the back of his chair. “Plus, you’re my favorite author. I can’t get enough of your stuff.”

“There are better writers out there Miss Y/N,” Joel pointed out with a grunt while he pushed through his bag and pulled out his laptop. Joel set it on the desk and turned in his chair to realize how ridiculously close to him she was. Joel almost instinctively put a little space between them and grinned. “I guess it is charming to have a fan reading your work in progress though…”

“And you have no idea how lucky and special I feel to be the first person to read this…” she reached out to pat him on the shoulder.

The sound of someone clearing their throat was heard and Y/N immediately stood up straight seeing Alexis at the top of the stairs to the classroom, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I have your stuff…”

“Oh, thanks,” Y/N looked to see Joel smirk before sliding in to start reading the paper he was grading again. Earlier in the week Alexis had let her know that she had forgotten some of her things in their dorm room and since their schedules were completely off, Y/N had agreed to have Alexis drop her stuff there in class. Alexis moved to the bottom step of the stairs and took a look at Joel while he brushed his fingers through his messy short, dark hair. Alexis was eyeballing Joel and then looking to Y/N almost in a judging fashion. “What?”

“Girl you have daddy issues,” Alexis stated with a giggle and Y/N’s cheeks flushed over when she said it. “And you certainly have a type. He’s like a knock off of Negan, except Negan has those delicious dimples that you just can’t help looking at.”

Looking over her shoulder, Y/N could see the look of confusion over Joel’s eyes when his glance lifted up to Alexis and Y/N standing together. Alexis wasn’t quiet and it was clear that Joel heard her, “Hello green eyes…”

“I mean…they are hazel, but howdy,” Joel spoke with caution in his tone and lifted his hand to give a small wave. Alexis boldly moved across the classroom and placed her hands on Joel’s desk to get a better look at him. Joel jolted back at her closeness and cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Well you certainly are friendly, aren’t you?”

“No kidding, there is some brown in there! Your eyes are really beautiful,” Alexis boasted and Joel looked to Y/N anxiously. Alexis giggled when she noticed Joel’s nervous and tilted her head to the side to catch his attention. “You okay?”

“I’m just not used to people getting so close in my personal space,” Joel announced, pushing his chair back further away from Alexis. “Thanks about the eyes though, that’s mighty kind of you. If my mother was alive I would let her know that you think she did a good job in making me.”

“So there are some differences with the voice, the eyes, the dimples…” Alexis scrutinized Joel as Y/N quickly stepped forward and grabbed a hold of Alexis to pull her away from Joel. “He certainly believes in personal space unlike Negan who…”

“Joel is a friend and my professor, not someone I’m dating,” Y/N cut off Alexis and shot Joel an apologetic look seeing him snicker before shaking his head. “Thank you for bringing my stuff though and terrifying my professor.”

“Only slightly terrifying,” Joel announced while his head was still buried in the story he was grading.

“Only your professor?” Alexis took another look at Joel and shrugged. “Right.”

“He is,” Y/N snorted when they reached the top step. “I’m with Negan.”

“And?” Alexis looked over at Joel again. “That looks like a perfectly fuckable side piece. He’s only your professor for a few more weeks and then he’s open territory.”

“Goodbye Alexis,” Y/N pushed her hand into her friend’s shoulder and heard her laugh.

“Let me know when you fuck him. I want to know what he’s like in comparison,” Alexis winked making Y/N let out a grunt of disgust before moving back down the stairs hoping that half of that Joel didn’t hear.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” she moved over toward Joel’s desk to reach for his laptop. “She’s…”

“Young? Sometimes I forget you’re so much younger because you don’t act like that…” Joel informed her, raising his eyes again from the paper. “So I’m a knock off of Negan, huh?”

“You’re…Joel,” she answered and rolled her eyes, moving back to her seat. Pulling open the laptop, she could see that Joel was still staring out at her and she let out a dramatic sound. “It’s not really that similar. You both just have features that are alike. Like dark hair and hazel eyes…you’re kind of short in comparison to Negan.”

“Oh, I’m short? I’m taller than the average male in this country you know,” Joel snorted and she shrugged her shoulders. “And clearly lacking dimples.”

“You have dimples, they just show when you’re smiling. Negan’s are just…there all the time. It’s part of what makes him so damn charming,” she answered and Joel’s eyebrow arched up. “Without getting weird, you are a lot more muscular than Negan.”

“So you’re checking out my muscles now?” Joel grunted from where he was sitting and he sat back further in the chair. “Should I be worried about this Y/N? I thought what we had here was pure and innocent.”

“It’s hard not noticing your chest and your arms Joel. They are…I just…” she found herself stumbling to get through her words, “I’m not hitting on you, I’m just telling you what I see with my eyes and you have nice arms when they aren’t covered by your long sleeved shirts.”

“I’m fucking with you,” Joel chuckled, a heavy breath falling from his lips. Y/N rolled her eyes and clicked open the file that Joel specifically saved for her every time on the desktop of his laptop to read from his story that he was writing. “Thank you for the compliment. You have nice muscles too.”

“Oh shut up,” she groaned, reaching for one of the candies he liked and tossing one at him. It hit him firmly in the chest and his deep laugh filled the air. There was a warmth pressing in over her cheeks and she knew that she was blushing since Alexis had embarrassed her so much. “I’m sorry if you heard what she said up there.”

“It’s okay Y/N,” Joel assured her while he continued to check his paper. “We’re only friends and I know you’re in love with someone. I’d have to be a dickhead to think there was something going on here other than two people needing a friend to make life a little more interesting. We’re just friends.”

“Exactly,” she agreed looking at her bag of candy realizing that she already knew so much about Joel from the small amount of time that they had spent together, but that’s what friends did. They got to know each other and found ways to enjoy each other’s time in an innocent way. Turning her attention to the computer for a moment, she cleared her throat. “So are you doing anything special tonight?”

“Not really, just trying to get through grading these,” Joel shifted in his seat and pressed his hand to his jaw to rest his chin on his palm. “Then I’ll probably just spend the rest of the night trying to get some writing done. Yourself?”

“Well, I have to train a puppy. I think I told you, but Negan got this bright idea that we should get a puppy. So I have this adorable, but very energetic little German Shepherd puppy at home that I have to train while still finding time to get my schoolwork done,” she explained with a heavy breath, pulling her attention to the story that Joel had for her. “You wouldn’t happen to know how to train a puppy, would you?”

“Well…I did train my dog when I had one with my family,” Joel answered with a heavy sigh. “It’s been a while since I’ve had one, but he turned out pretty good.”

“So does that mean you’re offering to potentially have dinner at my place tonight and you’ll be willing to help me train the pup?” Y/N put on a cheesy, begging smile and Joel laughed. “Is that a yes?”

“Sure,” Joel shrugged his shoulders, “although I need to get these graded or I will never be able to do anything. So read what you have there for a few and when we’re done, we can go see what we can do with the pup.”

Y/N gave Joel the time he needed to get done what he had to and she read the pages that he had given her from his next book. When she brought him to her home, Joel seemed a little nervous at first. It seemed like he was uncomfortable being there even though they had already spent plenty of time together. Although, it was in a public setting when they were often together so maybe he felt inappropriate being at her home when it was just the two of them together.

“Are you sure you are okay with helping me with the pup?” she eyed Joel over while he surveyed the living room that she shared with Negan. Joel’s stare met hers and he nodded, a small smirk pressing in over his rough features. “I’ll be right back. Make yourself comfortable.”

When she opened the door for Ghost to run out, she watched him book out of the room clearly in search of Negan. Ghost really loved when Negan was there and she tried to keep up with the puppy as he made his way into the living room where Joel was. Noticing Joel looking at one of the photos she had out with her and Negan while holding it in his hand, she let out a nervous sound.

“I see you found the boyfriend,” she announced making him jump when he noticed her standing there. Joel set the photo back down and shrugged.

“I was trying to understand the whole knock off of Negan thing,” Joel circled his face in the air with his finger letting out a half laugh when he felt Ghost pawing at his thigh. Kneeling down, he reached down to gently pet at the back of Ghost’s head and smiled. “Well you are a handsome fella aren’t you?”

“I told you, you guys have similarities, but you’re both very different,” Y/N looked at the picture of her and Negan together that they had taken while lying on the hammock one evening.

“Yes. Yes we are,” Joel agreed without exactly elaborating while he played with Ghost. “What’s your name handsome?”

“This is Ghost,” she responded, lowering down beside him and Ghost was eager to be close to Joel while Joel gave the puppy attention. “He really likes you.”

“Good. Hopefully we can use that to our advantage. Do you have any of em’ training treats for pups?” Joel lifted his gaze and she let out a tight breath. “Or how about chicken? We can cook it up and break off some pieces for him. That’s the best way to train him. We need him to know that when he does something right, it’s something he can look forward to.”

“That I think we can do,” she led Joel toward the kitchen and Ghost was eager to follow them. They got what they needed and went into the backyard while Joel went through helping her teach Ghost how to do the simple things first.

“See the trick is using the same sound to get him to listen to you; whether it’s a click of the tongue, a whistle or a snap of the fingers. Sit,” Joel ordered and whistled after his demand while she was kneeling down beside Joel on the grass. Ghost immediately did what he was told and Joel gave him a small piece of the chicken. “Good boy. Never be negative after he may not do what he is told. We want him to be trained in a positive way.”

Joel managed to get Ghost to sit, stay, rollover, to play fetch and to follow beside him while walking around the backyard. It was amazing how well Ghost actually worked with Joel. While it was cute and fun doing this on her own or with Negan, Joel really seemed to know what to do with Ghost. Eventually they got to the playing part and while they were playing with a rope, Joel was teaching her and Ghost how to get him to calm down when he may be getting too aggressive.

“Good boy,” Joel complimented Ghost when he dropped the rope and sat down. Ghost was eager for his treat when Joel gave it to him and a laugh fell from Y/N’s throat. Joel looked over his shoulder at her and snorted. “What?”

“Have you ever thought of dropping the professor and writing gigs to become a dog trainer? Because you’re really good at it,” she informed him and Joel smirked before urging Ghost to come play with him again.

“Well, I never realized the big bucks were in dog training,” Joel teased while Ghost played with him. “But if I ever get bored with writing, I could probably do it. I like dogs. With animals you know what you are getting. They are better than people for the most part and I like them. They are loyal.”

A whistle filled the air and Ghost immediately dropped the toy that he was playing with. Lifting her gaze, she saw Negan by the side of the pool, pulling his sunglasses from his face and Negan held his arms out, “Where is my beautiful boy?”

Ghost quickly ran off in the direction of Negan and jumped into his arms when Negan was knelt down. An uncomfortable expression fell upon Joel’s face when Y/N looked to him and Joel carefully pulled himself up into a standing position.

“And where is the love of my life?” Negan motioned Y/N to come see him from where he was standing with Ghost in his arms. Y/N gave a glance to Joel who pushed his hands into his pockets before she moved across the yard. Negan reached his hand out to curl his hand around the back of her neck to pull her into a kiss when she got closer to him. “Who the hell is that?”

“That’s…Joel. My professor that is the writer I like,” she explained and Negan looked beyond her. A snort fell from Negan’s lips while he looked Joel over. “I asked him to come over to help me train Ghost for a little bit.”

“Why does he look like a two-bit version of me?” Negan sneered and she heard Joel grunt behind her because clearly it was the second time someone had mentioned today that he looked like a less impressive version of Negan.

“Stop,” she tapped Negan in the center of the chest when he let out an amused laugh before pulling her in closer to him again to kiss her. It was obvious by the way that Negan brushed his tongue between her lips that he was trying to make it clear that she was his property in front of Joel. Pulling away, she felt inappropriate having Negan kiss her like that in front of Joel and cleared her throat. “Be nice.”

“I’m always nice,” Negan winked and pulled away from her while still holding Ghost in his arms.

“Negan, this is my friend Joel. Joel…this is Negan,” Y/N did her best to introduce them and Joel stepped forward, extending his hand out to Negan.

“I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” Joel’s southern drawl filled the air and Negan snorted. Negan looked over his shoulder at Y/N who gave him a begging expression and Negan let out a long breath. Balancing Ghost in one arm, Negan accepted the handshake and made sure to put extra pressure on the shake. “You have a nice home here.”

“Yeah, yeah…I do,” Negan responded, keeping his hand firmly wrapped around Joel’s. “I’ve also heard a lot about you Joel. Specifically toward the beginning of this semester when you threatened my girl with a failing grade because you thought her business was your business. I should beat your ass for what you did.”

“I reckon I wouldn’t blame you if you did,” Joel grunted, looking down at the firm grasp that Negan had on his hand. The skin was turning a pale shade of white where Negan was grasping and Joel cleared his throat uncomfortably. “I was an asshole and I’ve admitted that.”

“Right, but it was because your wife cheated on you, right?” Negan repeated what he knew and Y/N coughed from where she was standing behind Negan. It was clear that Negan was digging it in when he pulled his hands from Joel’s with a grunt. Joel shifted uneasily before Negan and nodded. “Well then I guess it makes sense. If you ever hurt my girl again or you mess with her in any way…I’ll fucking destroy you. Do you understand that?”

“Well I think very highly of your…girl,” Joel looked to Y/N, his face flushing over a bit while he stood before Negan. “She’s a really great person and it’s been nice having a friend to be around.”

“Tell me…is that normal behavior for a professor to make friends with their much younger students?” Negan seemed to egg Joel on further and this time instead of looking away, Joel cracked a smile.

“I don’t know. Maybe not…which is why I convinced Y/N to take other classes with a different professor next semester,” Joel responded with a deep sigh. “Now that we’re on the subject of normal behavior though, is it normal for guys to start dating their best friend’s daughters?”

“Wow…” Negan laughed, looking over his shoulder at Y/N realizing that she had been very open with Joel about their life. There was an uncomfortable expression that pressed in over Y/N's features as she buried her head in her hand from embarrassment. “Touché Joel.”

“I reckon it’s no big deal though because life has a funny way of making things happen. Whether they are normal behavior or not,” Joel stated with a simple shrug. “It was a real pleasure to meet you here today Negan. It’s nice to put a face to all the wonderful stories I’ve heard about you. You’re a really lucky person to have someone who loves you as much as Y/N does.”

“I know that,” Negan grunted when Joel looked to Y/N who slowly lifted her head.

“Joel, you should stick around for dinner. We’d love to have you,” she blurt out and both men gave her a glance which told her Joel didn’t believe that bullshit and Negan sure as hell didn’t want that. “I’m sure if you two got to know each other a little more, you’d like each other. See Joel here has been training Ghost and he’s taught him some really great things.”

“No, that’s okay. I have previous plans anyways,” Joel answered and she knew that was bullshit from what he had told her his plans were earlier. “Plus I know you and Negan only get so much time together, so I’d hate to take that away from you guys. You can teach Negan what I’ve taught you.”

“Are you sure?” she confirmed and she could tell that Negan was shooting her a glare, clearly not wanting Joel there. “We don’t mind.”

“It’s fine,” Joel moved beyond Negan and reached out to squeeze firmly at Y/N’s shoulder. “I will see you later. Have a nice night.”

“Nice meeting you Joel,” Negan waved and Joel turned to look back at Negan to give him a nod. “I hope we can do this again soon.”

“I reckon you’d really like that,” Joel winked making Y/N chuckle with his smart ass response since it was clear that Negan was also being a bit of a dick. “It was a pleasure meeting you as well Negan. I’ll uh…show myself out.”

“Bye,” she waved and once Joel was gone, she looked to Negan with a glare. When he caught the way she was looking at him, he laughed and threw his free arm that wasn’t holding Ghost up in the air. “You didn’t have to be a dick.”

“How am I supposed to react when I see a man like…that in my home cozying up with my girl and my dog?” Negan cracked, his eyebrows tensing together when he spoke. “What’s worse is the guy is older, like me. It’s like you went out looking for something like me with a ridiculous accent.”

“You don’t have to be intimidated Negan, there is only one man for me and that’s you,” she stepped forward, tugging on his jacket to get him to lean down to meet her lips in a long, lingering kiss. “Joel is just a friend.”

“That you’ve told everything to,” Negan scoffed and she laughed against his lips. “It’s not funny.”

“I know everything about him too,” she informed him with a sigh, reaching up to brush her fingers into his dark. “And there is no way that the two of us would ever be interested in each other like that. We’re two people that just needed a friend and strangely found it in each other. Believe it or not, he actually supports our relationship.”

“Well he sure was a smartass,” Negan grumbled and she laughed again. “What?”

“You were kind of being a dick to him. He was trying to be friendly and you went full alpha male with him,” she recalled and Negan cracked a smile. “I know you like to make it known that I’m yours, but he already knows that, very well.”

“Well good…because you are mine,” Negan growled before claiming her mouth with his again. Giving her hips a firm squeeze caused her to fall forward against him and Ghost barked getting their attention on him for a small moment. Negan leaned down to deposit a kiss on Ghost’s head before Ghost eagerly licked at the side of Negan’s face. “And so is Ghost.”

“You should see the things Joel taught him,” Y/N reached for Ghost and lowered him to the ground. “He taught him all kinds of things and…”

“While that sounds intriguing,” Negan grunted, moving in behind her to grab a tight hold of her hips in his hands. “I was thinking of something a little more interesting between the two of us. I got you something, so I was thinking maybe we could put Ghost to bed and the two of us can…get comfortable with each other for a while.”

“Putting Ghost to bed might be harder than you think,” Y/N snickered as Negan groaned and she shrugged. “Whatever you want to happen is going to have to wait until Ghost is asleep because otherwise our rental home is not going to be in good shape here. Joel could only do so much with him in such a short amount of time.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Negan rolled his eyes and watched Y/N gather the things for Ghost. It was a while before they had Ghost asleep and they finally made it upstairs to their bedroom. Negan closed the door behind them and she noticed there were a few bags sitting on the bed. “As you can see, if Professor Joel would have had dinner with us, my plans would have been highly ruined.”

“And what exactly are your plans?” Y/N moved to the edge of the bed to reach for one of the bags that had her name on it. Opening the bag, she reached inside and pulled out some naughty, black lingerie. Looking over her shoulder she could see a wicked smirk pressing in over Negan’s handsome features. “What is this?”

“Go get changed in the bathroom. I’m going to set this up here and then when you’re ready, come out and you’ll see what this is,” Negan ordered and she swallowed down. Her throat went dry and she nodded. There was no reason to question Negan because she knew he wouldn’t tell her.

Going into the bathroom she changed into the lingerie and when she was done she carefully pushed the door open. In the center of the bed, Negan was laying and waiting for her with his arms folded behind his head. Negan had removed all of his clothing, but his dark gray pants. A smirk expanded over Negan’s handsome features causing her to shudder just looking at him.

“You look beautiful baby,” Negan insisted, slowly getting up from the bed to walk over toward her. “You see, I was thinking about the time you were being naughty with me when your father was around during the summer. How much you liked me punishing you when it was just the two of us.”

“Yeah,” she slurred, feeling the heat of Negan as he stepped before her. Negan reached out to trail his fingers over the center of her chest, down between the valley of her breasts and then right above her navel. It caused her to shiver and Negan smiled brightly, an amused sound falling from his throat. “What about it?”

“It made me think you wanted to be dominated and I never really gave that to you. I kind of just punished you and then that was that…” Negan reached out to grab a tight hold her hair, tugging firmly on it to reveal her neck to him when her head dropped back. Dragging his bottom lip over her flesh, Negan growled and heard her whimper when he did it. “Would you like that?”

“Yes daddy,” she panted feeling her heart hammering in her chest when Negan bit at the side of her neck. “As long as it doesn’t end the way it did last time.”

“No, I plan on making this last for quite some time baby girl,” Negan teased, urging her lips to his. Dragging his tongue over her lips, Negan took his time to tease over the sensitive part over her lower lip and heard her moan into his mouth. “Get on your knees on the bed.”

Obeying, she slowly moved over onto the bed noticing that there was a red scarf beside her on bed. Licking over her lips, she braced herself firmly on her hands and knees. Negan made a rumble of a sound behind her and she looked over her shoulder to see him palming in over the front of his pants. The sight alone made a warmth pool at her core and she was always amazed by how incredibly hot Negan could make her.

“Face forward,” Negan demanded and she bit firmly into her bottom lip before doing what he asked. She made a disappointed sound and she could tell that he was amused with her. She liked looking at him and she liked it a lot. “You were a very bad girl bringing that man into our home when I wasn’t here. You know that?”

“For fucks sake,” she laughed feeling the bed dip when Negan got on it behind her. A moment later she felt Negan’s rough palms squeezing over her bottom testing the flesh beneath his grasp. Gasping, she felt a firm smack over her bottom making her pull forward, but he was quick to pull her back.

“Don’t back talk me,” Negan grunted, rubbing his palm in over her flesh that was somewhat red from his spank. “You’re going to listen to everything I say and you’re not going to back talk me. Do you understand that?”

“Yes,” she swallowed down hard feeling her heart start to hammer inside of her chest.

“Yes what?” Negan spanked her again making her whimper when she felt the stinging over her skin.

“Yes daddy,” she followed up with what he wanted and he let out a deep rumble of a laugh. Negan’s groin pressed in over her bottom and she did her best not to rub up against him even though everything inside of her wanted to.

“I’m going to ask you some questions,” Negan informed her with a heavy breath and she heard the sound of him pulling his belt apart and from his pants. Swallowing down hard, she grasped tightly to the comforter and closed her eyes. “You answer them with yes or no, unless I ask you to elaborate. Do you understand?”

“Yes daddy,” she kept her face forward knowing that was what Negan had requested of her. Licking her lips, she felt the warmth of him closer to her and it was already causing her body to get hotter.

“Am I still the only man you’ve had sex with?” Negan slurred and she let out an offended breath. The fact he was even asking her that pissed her off. “Answer the question.”

“The fact that you…” she began to answer feel the whack of his belt over her bottom making her arch forward and whimper out with the hit. Once again, it wasn’t a brutal hit with his belt, but it was enough to make a point over her flesh.

“Yes or no only,” Negan growled from behind her and she bit down on her bottom lip.

“Yes,” she answered truthfully and Negan let out an amused sound, reaching down to carefully trace his fingers over the panties he had ordered her to put on. Carefully he dragged his digits back and forth over her body making her moan.

“Are you attracted to Joel?” Negan almost hissed and she closed her eyes. Her jaw locked up and she lowered her head.

“There is a difference between finding someone attractive and wanting to…” she started again to only feel the smack of the belt over her bottom making her whimper. “Jesus Negan…”

“I told you…only yes or no unless I ask otherwise,” Negan reminded her and she felt her body tensing up. “Do you find Joel good looking?”

“Yes,” she felt her breath catch in her throat when she thought about Joel. Joel was certainly an attractive man, but he was her friend and that was it.

“Would you fuck him given the chance?” Negan pushed aside the material of her panties and heard the shivering exhale that escaped her body when he ghosted his fingers over her most intimate parts.

“No,” she quickly answered, her hips desperately wanting to arch back into him.

“Why?” Negan watched her closely. It was obvious this was hard for her by the way her body was shaking before him and he found himself amused with it.

“Because I belong to Negan,” she responded and he let out a satisfied sound that fell deep from his lungs. “Only Negan.”

“So you’ve never seen his cock?” Negan confirmed and he heard her let out a frustrated sound. “Don’t get sassy with me…”

“No,” she sharply answered and he snickered at the tone of her voice.

“Does he remind you of me?” Negan breathed out, his fingers finally connecting with her flesh and she mewled out at simply his touch. Dragging his fingers forward and back through her wet lips, he found himself amused with how she was already shaking.

“Kind of,” she swallowed hard when she felt Negan pull his fingers away and she whined. A moment later the leather from the belt smacked over her bottom making her wince. While yes at times his looks were similar to Negan, his personality wasn’t much like Negan’s. Originally…his looks did draw him to her because she saw some of Negan in him. “Yes.”

“That’s what I thought,” Negan returned his caress to her body and he reached forward to lower her head closer to the bed with his palm. Negan made sure her bottom was raised up high and he stood up from the bed. “Who does your pretty little pussy belong to?”

“Negan,” she felt the coolness surrounding her. Negan had left the material of her panties pushed aside and she felt bare without him near.

“And you understand that no one else is allowed to have it, right?” Negan confirmed and she bit down on her bottom lip. “Right?”

“Yes daddy,” she heard the belt jangling behind her and she swallowed hard.

“And you’re okay with that?” Negan licked his lips while her hips involuntarily shook as he stood watching her.

“Yes,” she answered and Negan made a sound behind her. “Negan?”

“That didn’t sound convincing,” Negan retorted and she looked over her shoulder at him. Negan’s hazel eyes shot her a look and she rolled hers before lowering her head back to the bed again. A moment later she felt the smack of the belt against her bottom and this time an involuntary purr fell from her throat. “Oh baby, that was sexy. Daddy knows how much you like him punishing you.”

“Are you still sleeping with your wife?” she spoke up and Negan let out a half amused sound. “Are you?”

“Who is the one that was supposed to be asking questions?” Negan snorted and she felt her cheeks flushing over with warmth. The fact he was avoiding the question made her ultimately think that he was still sleeping with Lucille. “I’m pretty sure I’m the one in the power position, not you.”

“Right now,” she agreed with a swallow and he chuckled behind her. “I just don’t think it’s all that fair that I’m not allowed to be with someone else, but you’re allowed to sleep with your wife.”

“What’s with the attitude? Are you looking to sleep with someone else?” Negan scoffed behind her and she felt her heart sinking. Negan saw her shaking her head and he let out an uncomfortable sound. “Then why are we having this conversation?”

“Are you still sleeping with her?” she spoke up and Negan let out a nervous sound.

“Not really,” he answered and she let out a displeased sound. “What?”

“I thought this was only yes or no answers,” she retorted and Negan moved behind her, grabbing a firm hold of her hips, drawing her further back toward the edge of the bed.

“No. No I haven’t fucked my wife since she threw a glass at my fucking face. Are you satisfied?” Negan responded with an angered tone and she looked over her shoulder at him. “Now can we get back to what we were doing here or do you want to keep talking about my wife?”

“We can get back to it,” she frowned, almost satisfied with his answer that he was no longer sleeping with his wife. While she knew that it was wrong for her to be upset with the idea of him being romantic with his wife, she just didn’t find his rules all that fair if he wasn’t following them too. Getting comfortable again, she almost wiggled her bottom and heard Negan let out a frustrated breath. “Maybe I need to be punished.”

“No maybes, you definitely do,” Negan grumbled, placing one knee on the bed. Folding the belt in half he brought it over her bottom and watched her bounce forward. “Tell me if you want me to stop.”

“I don’t,” she gulped when he brought the belt over her bottom several more times, making her coo when he did it.

“Does that feel good?” Negan inquired, his palm sliding over her bottom in a soothing manner.

“Yes,” she nodded and felt Negan’s fingers centering in over her core. A wince fell from her throat when Negan slid his finger into her body pushing it back and forth slowly.

“Fuck, you’re so damn wet baby…” Negan informed her with a hum feeling an ache growing at the center of his pants when the material tightened around his body. Pushing another finger into her body, he started to roughly thrust them into her again and again. “Do like daddy’s long fingers inside of you baby?”

“Yes,” she purred into the blankets desperately wanting to rock against his fingers. “I like other parts better inside of me though…”

“Oh, we haven’t earned daddy’s big cock yet,” Negan announced with an amused sound. “You get that when I feel like you’ve been a good enough girl to get it.”

The sound of Negan dropping the belt was heard and he pulled his fingers from her body, “Lay down for me…”

Doing as she was told, she got on her back and saw Negan standing at the bottom of the bed. He was breathing heavily and she could tell that he was thinking about the next thing he wanted to do. Without a moments more hesitation, Negan reached for her hips and dragged her further to the bottom of the bed. A gasp fell from her throat when Negan pulled the panties from her body and tossed them aside.

“So much for those…” she half laughed and Negan shot her a glare. “I thought you wanted me to wear them…”

“I wanted you to wear them, now I want them off of you,” Negan nodded, licking his lips when he got down to his knees. Pulling her close to the edge, Negan lifted her legs over his shoulders and growled when he did it. “I could stop this all together if you would like?”

“No, please…” she panted feeling the warmth of his breath over her most intimate parts causing her to tremor. A wicked smirk pressed over Negan’s mouth before he lowered in closer. The soft caress of his lips pressed in over her inner thigh and she did her best to keep still while he got closer to her core. “Please Negan…”

“I’ll do it when I’m ready,” Negan bit at her flesh, alerting her that he was still going to punish her and it was likely for her speaking out about sleeping with his wife. Small whines continued to fall from her throat the longer he teased her. Amusement filled the air when he watched her hips straining and he finally gave in giving one small flick of his tongue over her wet slit. It made a whimper fill the air and Negan took pleasure in the fact that he could get her so hot and bothered. Flicking long lines up and down her body, Negan growled and felt her shake against him.

“I still can’t believe you don’t like to do this,” she tipped her head back and bit firmly into her bottom lip while Negan aggressively began to eat her out. Between the slurping, the flicking of his tongue and the occasional suckling over her skin she found her body absolutely shaking. “You’re so…good at it.”

“I never said I didn’t like to do it,” Negan pulled away with a wet sound and he lifted his head up to meet her stare. Negan licked his lips and his eyebrows tensed together. “I just don’t do it often because of the reasons I originally told you, but you…you’re worth it.”

“Negan, can I touch you?” she pled and Negan shook his head. The look in his eye was wicked and he was clearly entertained while she clutched to the blankets. “I want to so bad.”

“You’re going to have to hold back,” Negan insisted, lowering his head back between her thighs to swiftly flick his tongue over her body. Sweeping his tongue in circular motions around her clitoris caused her hips to twitch and shake. It was obvious she was about to cum and just when he got her right to the point where she felt like she was about to orgasm, he pulled his mouth away with a slurping sound. “Nope…you don’t deserve that yet baby.”

“What?” she frowned when she felt her body being starved of the release it was so eager to get after its buildup. The sensation of her heart pounding inside of her chest was enhanced while she shook and let out a frustrated sound. “Damn it Negan.”

“What?” Negan snorted, slowly getting up from his knees and he reached for the button in his pants. “Get yourself in the middle of the bed.”

Even with her body weak and shaking, she eagerly pulled herself to the center and watched Negan reach down for the belt he had dropped earlier. After he got her bra from her body, Negan reached for her wrists and tied them to the headboard with his belt, making sure to tug on them to make sure that they were tight and she wouldn’t be moving.

“What are you doing?” she half laughed when Negan reached for the red scarf and she swallowed down hard.

“Don’t question, just do…” Negan managed to wrap the scarf around her eyes as a blindfold and she let out a shuddering exhale when she felt the warmth of him over her. The twisting of Negan’s tongue was felt over her nipple making her back arch up from the bed and she purred out. This was him punishing her and she knew it. Negan took a minute to admire his handy work before getting back on his knees. “I did get something more…”

Y/N patiently waited while Negan got whatever it was he was looking for and she felt the cool leather dragging at her inner hip when Negan clearly got what he wanted. Shaking with anticipation she felt the smack of it against the inside of her thigh and whimpered.

“Have you ever played with a riding crop before?” Negan stood at the side of the bed, his hand caressing over the center of his naked chest while he watched her breathing heavily. She was sprawled out in the center of the bed and Negan found himself in awe of her. When she shook her head, Negan was proud that he was the one to introduce her to so many things. “You’re such a bad little girl, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” she panted, her loud breaths filling the air. Negan dragged the leather further up between her thighs and she inhaled sharply. “I am bad…”

The sound of the leather smacking against her flesh caused her to arch up. A whine turned into a moan and Negan let out a proud sound, “I think you like pain my dear.”

Negan swatted the material over her breast and her back arched up. Sliding his free hand down the front of his pants, Negan rubbed at his body feeling his heart hammering inside of his chest. Smack after smack of the riding crop filled the air and by the time she was nearly out of breath, Negan tossed the toy aside and lowered himself back on the bed. Lying between her legs, he went back to pleasuring her again. The wet, crude sounds filled the air while he continued teased his tongue over her again and again. Slurping at her body caused it to arch up closer to him and Negan moaned against her flesh. The sensation of her hips bucking forward toward him told him that she was eager for a release and he reached up to push his fingers into her tight opening. Flicking his tongue over her at the rate his fingers worked inside of her, Negan paid close attention and right when she was about to cum he quickly got up and halted himself.

“Damn it Negan,” she cried out when she realized he was edging her and then not giving her the release that he was working so hard to get her to. “Please…please let me cum.”

“No,” Negan firmly responded, reaching down to pull apart his pants. Getting them down his body, he thought for a moment and smiled. Grabbing her ankles, Negan twisted her body so that she was on her abdomen. Negan quickly got rid of his boxer briefs and kicked them aside before crawling in over her. “Beg me…beg me for my cock…”

“Please…” she muttered, doing as he asked of her. There was a burning sensation from where the leather was digging into her wrists and she felt Negan’s cock pressed over her lower back. “Please fuck me.”

“Not good enough,” Negan reached down to wrap his palm around his length, pumping it slowly within his grasps. It was pulsating in his grasp and it ached like hell, but he wanted to keep teasing her. He loved the sounds she made when he was doing it and he wasn’t going to let up. “Keep begging.”

“Please Negan. I want your big cock inside of me,” she whined and her hips lifted up from the bed. A smirk expanded over his lips and he balanced himself over her. “I’m begging you, please…”

“Not bad for someone being so defiant earlier,” Negan grunted against the side of her neck when he snapped his hips forward after leading the tip of his body to her entrance. A sharp exhale fell from her throat when he did it. Rocking his hips into her again and again, Negan didn’t take his time with this. Thrust after thrust was forceful, making her gasp and wince every time he did it. “God, you feel so fucking good.”

“Please touch me,” she begged and Negan laughed against the side of her neck. The blindfold around her eyes caused everything to be enhanced, but she was still aching for some kind of release. There was a severe ache in her core and she wanted to be able to cum.

“No,” Negan denied her, knowing that she wanted him to caress her and give her the release her body was so desperately in need of. “You don’t get to cum until I do.”

“It hurts, I need to cum,” she begged, but his hips kept smacking up against her bottom. The tip of his cock was hitting her in all the right places, but when Negan would sense that she was getting too heated, he would pull his body from hers and make her wait until she had calmed back down. “Please…”

“No,” Negan repeated while his lips caressed over the side of her neck. The sound of their skin smacking filled the air and she pulled at her wrists. Everything felt so good, but at the same time the ache he was making develop inside of her was driving her crazy. Slowing down his movements, Negan grunted and pulled himself from her body. A desperate whine filled the air and he turned her around onto her back. “I want to see what this is doing to you.”

Negan pulled the material of the blindfold from her eyes, but wrapped it around her mouth instead to keep her quiet. Glaring at him, she could see him smiling when he lowered himself back between her thighs. Aligning himself with her entrance, he bucked his hips forward and watched her head drop back when he did it. Smacking up against her again and again, Negan could see that her face was red.

Reaching up with his right hand while he braced himself, Negan grabbed a tight hold of her throat. Wrapping his fingers around it tightly, he could see the expression over her face changing but he was able to decipher a moan when he did it.

“Fuck,” Negan threw his head back, his square jaw locking up while he felt a fire filling his veins. “You always feel so fucking good. Your tight little pussy was made for my big cock, you know that?”

There was an uncomfortable breath that escaped her throat and Negan lifted his head to examine her. Y/N licked at her lips and her head seemed to drop back further while he kept up at the hold he had on her throat.

“Do you want me to let up?” Negan looked to his hand around her throat and she shook her head. “Tap the headboard if it gets to be too much.”

Thrust after powerful thrust continued inside of her and Negan was doing his best to piston his large cock inside of her while his grasp tightened at her throat. There was a pain that actually filled Y/N’s head and she felt her eyes slamming shut. Everything inside of her ached, but there was a hot liquid warmth filling her belly while her pulse jumped.

“Fuck me…” Negan’s jaw lowered and he growled. Negan’s thrusts got faster and harder, showing that he was close to an orgasm which seemed to make his grip tighten more around her throat. Inhaling deeply, she tried to catch her breath, but could feel Negan’s clasp keeping her from doing so. There was the urge to tap the headboard, but the feeling that it was drawing out from inside of her felt incredible. Her body was so close to an orgasm and with her breath being cut off; it seemed to intensify it all the more. “Fuck…fucking…fuck…”

Negan roared when he clearly came, but it didn’t stop his sharp thrusts as she tossed her head back and cried out. Her vision went completely white when Negan finally allowed her to have her orgasm. It took a few moments for Negan to release her throat and she inhaled heavily, desperately trying to get the air back into her lungs.

“You okay?” Negan stammered as she kept her eyes closed and he pulled the scarf from her mouth. Y/N could feel her pulse pounding inside of her head and the orgasm that Negan had just given her was unlike anything she had ever felt before. The weight of Negan’s body over hers felt incredible, but she absolutely did not have the energy to move. Not after what happened. Never before had she felt her heart hammering this hard inside of her. Her body was still shaking, the after effects of her orgasm still hitting her hard while Negan moaned into the side of her neck. “Fucking hell…”

It took a while for Negan to get her unhooked and he swiftly tossed the belt aside. When Negan pulled his hips away from hers, she could see him smile proudly when his seed spilled from her body. Crying out at the sensation of Negan’s fingers tracing over her already sensitive folds felt incredible, Y/N still felt the room spinning around her.

“A job well done if I do say so myself,” Negan pushed his fingers inside of her collecting some of his release before he laid in over her. Negan traced his fingers over her lips before she finally accepted his fingers into her mouth. “Fuck, you are so damn sexy…”

Lowering down, Negan took his time to catch his breath. There was a proud, sexy smile pressed over his features before he looked to her, “You like pain, don’t you?”

Y/N said nothing; she was even surprised with herself how much she had truly liked what had happened with Negan. It was a terrifying experience, but at the same time it felt so amazing. Never before had she had quite an orgasm like that. So maybe Negan was right. She knew that she should have had Negan loosen his grip on her throat, but she didn’t want that. She liked the way it had made her feel.

“Joel couldn’t handle a spitfire like you,” Negan stated with a long sigh while he looked down at his softening cock. “Your sweet, tight little pussy belongs to me and he seems like too much of a tight-ass to give you the kind of fucking you clearly like.”

“Joel doesn’t want to fuck me,” she was out of breath and Negan cracked a smile. There was a rasp sound in her voice and it kind of hurt just to speak after what she went through. “We’re just friends.”

“Of course Joel wants to fuck you,” Negan chortled after she said what she did. “After getting to spend time with you, any man in their right mind would.”

It took a while before her heart finally calmed down and her breathing returned to normal. Crawling in closer to Negan, she deposited soft kisses over the center of his chest and his head lifted, “You love me, right?”

“Of course I do,” Negan wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to his chest. Negan deposited a kiss over her forehead and laughed. “Even if you are a little sex freak.”

“Will you still love me when I’m not the side piece?” she questioned and Negan’s expression turned very serious. “When you leave your wife, will you still love me when it’s just…us?”

“Baby, you name the scenario and I’m still going to love you,” Negan insisted with a heavy sigh, squeezing her tightly in his arms. “You don’t have to worry about that. I fucking love you and I love you so much. That’s never something you are ever going to have to worry about.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader/oc gets more comfortable in her life with Negan before finding out that Negan wasn't as careful and cautious about their relationship as he thought he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote all of this and edited all of this while I was very tired. Sorry for any glaring errors. Thanks for still having an interest in this story.

Hearing Negan screaming at the television from where Y/N was seated in the kitchen, she lifted her head and could see that Negan was watching football while he was stretched out on their couch that was in front of it. If there was one thing that Negan got overly excited about, it was his football. Looking down at the paper she was working on, Y/N let out a heavy breath and stood up from the table. The last few weeks she hadn’t had much time with Negan because of the fact that Lucille hadn’t been working as much as she usually was. Y/N assumed it was because Lucille wasn’t feeling well lately, but she truly enjoyed having Negan every moment that she could. To her, this all felt really silly with her sitting at the kitchen table doing school work while Negan was in front of the television watching a football game. They should have been together, not separated when they were in the same house.

“You know when I pictured us having a house together, I thought the two of us would be doing…couple things,” she moved around the couch to see that Ghost was lying in Negan’s lap while he watched football. Negan’s eyes pulled away from the screen for a moment and a smirk pressed in over his features. You were surprised his angered outrage wasn’t scaring Ghost away from him. “I didn’t think I would only have you when your wife was working or otherwise busy, but I also didn’t think my time with you would be spent yelling at a football game you have no control over.”

“This is real life baby,” Negan reached for his beer and grabbed a hold of it to take a long swig of it. “This is what all couples go through. I like my football and when I’m with you full time, you will get used to it. You’re just used to me pampering you all the time instead of doing what I do during the normal hours of the day.”

“Oh, so that’s what this is?” she took notice of Negan’s grin before turning his attention back to the game. When something else didn’t go his way he hollered at the screen again making her let out a long sigh. Eventually even Ghost got sick of his antics and hopped down from his lap to be let outside. Taking her time to play with Ghost and go through some of the things that Joel had taught him, Y/N made sure to give Negan some alone time for his game before coming back into the house. Ghost moved to their bedroom to lay down for a nap and she headed back toward the living room. “Is the game almost over?”

“Not quite,” Negan didn’t even take his eyes from the game and she let out a sigh. “Do you have big plans for today?”

“I just don’t usually have you during the day time, so I was excited, but it looks like we’re going to have to wait until night anyways,” she looked outside to see that the sun was going down and she sighed. “I guess I’m just going to have to get into the games with you.”

“That’d be fun,” Negan agreed, a smirk pressing in over the corners of his lips as he gave her a smug expression and then looked back to the television. “You can sit with me. I can teach you what’s going on if you would like.”

“Oh yeah, sure…” she sat down beside him and Negan began to ramble about the game. While he was talking about the team, his enthusiasm was very over the top and she found it cute. It wasn’t often that Negan was actually excited about things and eager to share them with her. So she found herself heavily amused. In between explaining things to her, Negan would get excited about what was happening and would cuss out at the television making her crack a smile. “You’re cute, you know that?”

“Cute? I’d like to think I was more ridiculously charming or wildly sexy,” Negan’s nose wrinkled and a wicked smile cracked over his lips. There was an innocence to the way she stared out at him when he said it and he laughed. “I guess I will allow you to call me cute though. You’re the only one.”

“Oh wow. I feel so special now,” she leaned forward to press a kiss against the side of his face. “You are both charming and wildly sexy too though.”

“Thanks baby,” Negan’s eyes were hooked on the television again when the game started back up. Delicately placing kiss after kiss over his jawline and toward his neck, she could hear him let out a tense breath. “Baby, we can make out after the game if you want…”

“What if I want to right now? You wouldn’t pull away from the game for me?” she teased, reaching out to trace her hand over the center of his chest and down between his thighs. Caressing her palm over the center of his pants, she watched his eyes lower and a grin spread over his face.

“I don’t think anything would distract me from this game Y/N. I don’t want you to feel bad when you don’t,” Negan insisted, reaching down to collect her wrist and to pull her hand back up. “I love you so very much though, beautiful.”

“I love you too,” she frowned when he pressed a quick kiss over her lips and got comfortable again on the couch to watch the game. The fact she got turned down for a football game kind of irritated her. For a minute she sat back and watched with him thinking about how he said nothing could distract him from the game. Thinking to herself, she figured she would give it a shot. “Challenge accepted.”

“What?” Negan snickered, giving her a quick glance before returning his attention to the game.

Scooting in closer to him on the couch, she reached out to squeeze her hand in over his thigh. At first it didn’t draw his attention like she hoped, but she repeated the motion and added a bit more strength making him clear his throat. Sliding her hand very slowly toward the center of his pants, she watched him slide forward on the couch and it made her smile. It was clear he was doing everything in his power to keep his attention on the game, but she was definitely distracting him.

“So nothing can pull you from the game, huh?” she almost mocked him for what he said earlier when her hand connected with the button on his jeans to carefully pull it open. After she swiftly dragged the zipper down and heard a loud breath fill the air. Dipping her hand beneath the material of his pants, she watched his eyes come to a close when her palm wrapped around his cocky, softly tugging at it. “I think you’re full of shit.”

“Fuck. What are you doing?” Negan groaned uneasily, looking toward his lap when she began to pump her hand over his length in attempt to get him hard.

“I’m trying to jerk you off,” she answered with a proud breath while Negan’s eyes closed and he licked his lips. “Are you still interested in the game?”

“Kind of, yeah…” Negan looked down to see her hand pumping over his length and even though he really didn’t want it to, Negan could feel his cock getting hard the longer she touched him. “I really like being with you baby, but…”

Negan’s legs instinctively spread apart when her grasp got harder. When her hands tugged at the material of his pants, he lifted his hips to help her get them along with his boxer briefs down his hips. Tipping his head back, his lips parted when she started caressing his body in faster, more confident strokes. “Y/N, fuck…” 

“Pretty sure you said that nothing could turn your attention away from the game and I just officially did,” she reminded him and Negan swallowed down hard. There was a proud expression over her face and Negan rolled his eyes.

“I can…watch the game and get a handjob while doing it,” Negan snorted while she continued to caress over his body in firm strokes. Soft moans were falling from his throat when she leaned in to press her lips over the side of his neck. Even with her caress, Negan did honestly find himself drawn to the game. It was hard to watch them at home, so it was nice to get some time to himself to watch the game. While she was desperately attempting to get all of his attention, he was still aggravated with the play. “Run the fucking ball…”

“Jesus Negan,” Y/N rolled her eyes from his outburst. “You weren’t fucking kidding. I guess I have to try harder.”

“I just…” Negan watched her lowering down toward his lap and Negan let out a tense breath. “Why are you so desperate to do this now?”

“I’m taking advantage of the time I have with you,” she pointed out, stretching out her tongue to tease it over the slit at the tip of his cock making him groan. “If you want to still watch football while I do it, that’s your choice, but you’ll be missing out.”

“You’re wicked,” Negan huffed while her lips wrapped around the tip of his thick cock. Her tongue twisted and teased around the tip making him let out a groan. Bobbing her head in slow, focused movements over the first few inches of his erection she could feel his hand settling in over her shoulders while she did it. “Such a bad girl…”

“Mmm…” she pulled away with a wet sound, looking up enough to see that Negan was watching her and she smiled brightly. At least she had been able to pull his attention from the game, if only for a few moments. “But you wouldn’t have me any other way.”

“That’s true,” Negan licked his lips in agreement. Moments later her head was lowering back toward his lap and she was doing her best at pleasuring him. The soft moans that filled the air were like music to her ears. She loved the sounds he made while she bobbed her head over his length and pumped her hand in a similar tempo over his shaft. A release was undoubtedly going to happen soon when she felt Negan’s body tensing up beneath her. The sound of Negan’s moans got louder until she heard him let out an angered sound when he clearly started cussing at the game again. Sucking harder at his body caused him to fall forward and she felt his release fill her throat. “Fucking hell…”

A hiss fell from his throat as she continued to swallow down his seed and when she was done, she pulled away with a wet, popping sound. Negan’s loud groan filled the air and when she rose up enough it was clear that Negan was out of breath. Leaning forward, her lips pressed against his and she let it linger so he could taste himself against her mouth.

“I think you need help baby,” she saw Negan side eyeing the television again and she laughed. “Lots of help.”

“Nothing you couldn’t heal,” Negan dragged his thumb over her bottom lip in a seductive sweep before sucking the taste from his thumb. “You are unbelievable, you know that?”

“I learned from the best,” she winked watching Negan lift his hips so he could pull his boxer briefs and pants back up over his hips.

“Yes, yes you have,” Negan hummed, reaching out to brush her hair away from her face. “And you’ve made your point. As soon as the game is over the two of us will spend time together, I promise.”

“That’s fine,” she lowered her head against his chest to get comfortable while sitting beside him. Negan’s arm instinctively wrapped around her shoulders while she attempted to watch the rest of the game with him. If she was going to wait, she might as well try to follow along with what was going on and enjoy it with him as well too. Instead of being somewhere else, she would rather try to get used to the things he loved instead of spending time away from him. Every minute was special with Negan and she wanted to make sure to keep it that way.

* * *

“I don’t know how you aced Professor Baker’s class,” one of Y/N’s friends stammered while looking over their books as they sat by the fountain on campus. They were studying together for another one of their exams and her friend let out a frustrated sound. “Even with him helping us, I was lost.”

“That’s just my thing,” Y/N shrugged her shoulders while she thought about Joel’s class. Joel was always very forthcoming with her about things and helped train her to be the best writer that she could be. It was something she appreciated very much in their friendship, but she didn’t really share it that much with people, even after her class had ended with him. Most people would just assume she did as well as she did because of favoritism and she didn’t want anyone coming for her or him with knowing that. “I really liked his course. Now this one we’re studying for…I’d be lucky to get as good of a grade.”

“Please, we all know that you’re going to ace this one too. You’re a perfectionist,” one of the other students that had been studying with them called out from where they were seated. “You worry over nothing, so I don’t want to hear it.”

“Gee, thanks,” Y/N started closing up her books and she let out a tight laugh when she began to put her things away.

Together she got ready with her friends for their next class where they had an important exam. It was hard to keep her head in the right place because she was always so worried about her school. There was a determination to be more than what her parents wanted. Her parents desperately wanted her to work for the family business and she wanted to be something more. That alone was why she worked so hard with school. She wanted to make something of herself. She wanted to be something more, something more than what they wanted. It was why she took everything so very seriously. There was something prove when it came to school so she was doing everything in her power to be what she wanted and not what her parents wanted for her.

Lifting her head up while she walked with her friends, her eyes connected with someone that made her feel paralyzed in the moment. The entirety of her body went weak and felt as if it was about to give out on her. There was a familiar face she spotted sitting right by the doors to her next class. Lowering her bag from her shoulder, she could feel the breath stolen from her lungs and it must have been quite obvious because both of her friends that were walking with her reached out to help.

“Hey, are you okay?” one of them reached for her backpack that had dropped from her hands and handed it back to her when Y/N caught her balance again. There was a severe ache in her chest and her stomach was turning. If she could faint, she was certain that she would. Hiding herself behind her friends, Y/N looked up and confirmed to herself that the person she saw sitting there was Lucille. It was as if she stepped right into one of her nightmares and was begging to wake up. She had seen Lucille’s photo enough to know for certain that was Negan’s wife sitting on one of the benches in front of her in her path. Swallowing down hard, she back stepped away from the doors they were headed. There was no way she wanted to tempt fate. “We have to go to class, what are you doing?”

“I’m just not feeling very well,” Y/N stammered, attempting to pull herself back and her friend reached for her wrist.

“This is an important test, we have to go,” her friend insisted. Lowering her head, Y/N attempted to follow hoping that it was just pure coincidence that Lucille was there and Lucille wouldn’t even know who she was. For a moment she felt safe until she almost reached the doors and heard the sound of her name being called out. One of her friends caught on that Lucille was trying to get her attention and they nodded back. “Someone…”

“Keep moving,” Y/N instructed firmly, stepping forward toward the doors hoping that she could just move along, until she heard the sound of her name being said twice as loud. Her friends had stopped and looked back almost selling her out and Y/N could feel her heart pounding inside of her chest. Damning her friends silently in her head, she just wanted to ignore all of this and just go to class. In class she would be safe. The way her heart pounded inside of her chest was awful. This was exactly what she pictured a heart attack feeling like with the way it was hammering inside of her chest. The world was spinning around her and more than anything, she wished like hell that this was just a dream. That she would just wake up and this was all a sick scenario she made up in her sleep. Yet she knew that was far from the truth. Slowly spinning on her heel, Y/N looked over her shoulder and saw Lucille standing them. “Can I help you?”

“I’m fairly certain you know who I am,” Lucille spoke up and Y/N shrugged her shoulders trying to act neutral about all of this. There was no way she was going to play into this. “I think the two of us need to have a chat and we need to do it right now.”

“I’m sorry, I’m not sure who you are,” Y/N began and motioned her friends to continue on to class. “But I do have an exam that I have to get to and it’s really important. So if you don’t mind…”

“I mind,” Lucille moved forward to slam her hand into the door making it slam shut when Y/N went to go to class. A gasp fell from her throat as Y/N slowly turned on her heels and looked to Lucille. There was anger flooding Lucille’s green eyes that almost terrified Y/N when she swallowed down hard. “By the way the color has absolutely drained from your face; I’m assuming you never thought something like this would happen.”

“Listen, I don’t know what’s going on here, but I don’t know you…” Y/N lied, hoping that she could avoid this long enough to get through her class and call Negan. The thought that Negan had possibly finally asked for a divorce from his wife filtered through her mind and she thought Negan would have told her first. Maybe things got heated and Negan admitted he wanted to be with Y/N; which further made things complicated. Y/N didn’t know what to say or what not to say. Was Lucille here to chew her out for that or why was she here in the first place? “And this exam is really important…”

“Just as important as fucking my husband is?” Lucille snapped and Y/N lowered her head feeling her cheeks flushing over with how loud Lucille was being. The venom in Lucille’s tone was evident and Y/N didn’t know how to respond. “This discussion is long overdue.”

“I don’t know what you think you know about me…” Y/N whispered seeing that one of her friends was at the door to clearly retrieve her for their class that was close to starting and Y/N was embarrassed. More than anything she wanted to get the hell out of there. Turning on her heel, she attempted to move forward, but Lucille quickly stepped before her and halted her. Frustrated with the turn of event, she let out a long exhale and threw her hands up. “I can’t do this right now.”

  
"You're a little slut, aren't you?" Lucille prodded further and Y/N attempted to get around her and to class. There was an aggressive manner in which Lucille was approaching this and Y/N didn’t know what to do. No escape was imminent and her friend was clearly waiting for her. The loudness of Lucille’s voice had drawn the attention of other students. Everything was spinning and Y/N felt like her body was on fire. Nothing prepared her for this. Negan made it seem like there was no possible way Lucille knew about her, so this was a completely unexpected shocker. Lucille was trying to interrogate Y/N at the worst possible time and she didn’t know how to get out of this. "Did you know he was married? Did you know about me?" 

"I’m sorry, I really don’t know who you are,” she denied again, trying to avoid Lucille. Y/N’s friend was waiting for her off in the distance and other students from her class were near the door. The fact that this was drawing the attention of others had Y/N upset and she wished people would just move along. With something so personal, it shouldn’t have had to be out in the public where this was talked about. “I have to get to class.”

Finally getting around Lucille, Y/N headed for the door until she heard the sound of Negan’s voice filling the air. Looking over her shoulder, Y/N saw that Lucille was holding her cellphone up.

“Your tight pussy is so wet for me already baby,” Y/N heard Negan’s voice. Swallowing down, she could tell that Lucille was playing the first video that Negan had recorded of them having sex at the bowling alley during the summer. 

“Fuck me Negan,” she could hear herself begging and she stepped forward trying to get Lucille to put it down. The last thing she wanted was her friends or the other students in class seeing that. Desperately, she reached for Lucille’s cell phone and tried to get her to stop playing the video. Without hesitation, Lucille pulled the phone away and let out an amused sound.

“Please stop,” Y/N begged and she felt her body shaking while she stood before Lucille. Lucille turned the video off and Y/N could tell that Lucille was pissed off. How she ended up with that video when Negan swore to her that all of his stuff was protected was beyond what Y/N could comprehend.

“Do you know how long ago I actually found this video? I just thought you were some random slut that Negan was fucking in the video. Wouldn’t be the first time,” Lucille announced, her head tilting to the side. “But then I got into Negan’s phone…”

“Please don’t do this here,” Y/N begged shifting uncomfortably on her feet, pulling her books closer to her chest.

“So many photos of the two of you together were on his phone. He didn’t think I’d be able to figure out his lock, so he just kept them on there like it was nothing. For months he was acting weird. Always disappearing and walking away. I thought he was just smoking more because of the stress of everything, but every time he was outside he was on that damn phone,” Lucille explained with anger in her voice and Y/N swallowed down hard. Y/N was shaking and she didn’t know how to respond. “I still had no idea who you were until we were going through photos the other day and I saw a photo in one of our albums of Negan with your family at one of your parent’s picnics.”

“Lucille please…” Y/N took in a long breath and Lucille’s eyes got wide.

“So you do know who I am? You fucking liar. I almost gave you the benefit of the doubt that maybe Negan didn’t tell you about me. That maybe Negan led you to believe that he didn’t have wife,” Lucille snorted and Y/N looked to see that the courtyard was emptying because classes were about to start. For a moment it pulled her attention away from Lucille and she began to panic about her own class. A gasp fell from Y/N’s lips when she felt the firm smack of Lucille’s hand against the side of her face while she was distracted. It knocked Y/N off guard, but she didn’t react, she just took it. “Do your parents know what a fucking slut you are?”

“I swear, I didn’t know about you at first,” Y/N stammered and Lucille rolled her eyes when Y/N finally admitted being with Negan. Y/N didn’t know how to respond to all of this. Negan must have told her about them together and that’s how Lucille had found her. There was no way that Y/N was going to be disrespectful to Lucille because she could only imagine how angry Lucille was. It wasn’t her place to tell Lucille that she couldn’t be angry; she just wished that Lucille would have picked another place for this.

“But you eventually found out which makes you a slut. Do you just like fucking married men?” Lucille boldly stepped forward and Y/N found the world spinning around her. She wasn’t sure what to do. Lucille was clearly trying to come off intimidating, as if to scare her, but Y/N still didn’t react.

“I’m not a slut,” Y/N tried to defend herself and Lucille laughed in a sarcastic manner. “Negan is the only man I’ve ever been with.”

“Bullshit,” Lucille grumbled and Y/N’s cheeks blushed over with red. There was a moment where Lucille looked her over and Lucille let out a long, drawn out amused breath. “Oh wow. You really aren’t kidding, are you?”

Y/N stayed silent and Lucille began to pace in front of her, “This explains so much. Most of the women he cheats with…it’s a one and done thing, but I’ve seen how he sneaks off to write you. How he calls you. So Negan took your virginity, huh? That makes so much sense now. You poor, pathetic little girl.”

“I don’t know what Negan told you…” Y/N began, her throat tightening as she spoke. 

“I didn’t talk to Negan. I’m coming to you first to see if you are a decent fucking person,” Lucille blurt out catching Y/N off guard. Wait…Negan hadn’t mentioned them being together? Then how the hell did Lucille find out all that she did?

“Negan didn’t tell you about us?” Y/N stammered realizing that Negan clearly had not told Lucille that he wanted a divorce. Rather she had found out on her own about the affair and clearly had dug into things without Negan knowing.

“You really think that Negan would have the balls to admit to me that he was cheating again?” Lucille rolled her eyes and shook her head slowly. “The man never changes. He fucks around behind my back and acts like the pure husband. The one that loves and cares about me that would never do anything to hurt me while he’s fucking someone much younger than me behind my back.”

“Then how did you find out about this? About us?” Y/N was lost for words and Lucille folded her arms out in front of her chest.

“I have my ways. My husband isn’t as smart as he likes to think he is,” Lucille informed her with a frown and Y/N felt her body shaking harder than before.

“Listen, I really have to get to class,” Y/N looked to the time and Lucille stepped forward to reach for Y/N’s wrist to pull her forward to demand her attention.

“You are going to break up with Negan. You will never tell him you saw me or that I came to you. Prove to me that you are a good person,” Lucille demanded of Y/N and Y/N could feel her heart skip a beat. “I don’t know what your relationship is like with Negan and I don’t care to know. Obviously it’s all sex from what I had seen here with the two of you. My husband needs a rude awakening and if you aren’t the slut I claim you to be…then break up with Negan. Cut him off. He has a wife, you should know better anyways.” 

“I think you should talk to Negan,” Y/N bit down firmly on her bottom lip. Negan had made it clear that he wanted to be with Y/N and leave Lucille as soon as she found out what was going on with her health. That was…if Lucille’s health was okay. With how hotheaded Lucille was right now and with the way that Y/N’s face was still pinging from Lucille’s smack, Lucille seemed mighty healthy. It was almost obvious that Lucille didn’t know about Y/N sharing her home with Negan or that they had a secret relationship going on behind Lucille’s back. Even at that, there was no way that she was going to admit all of that to Lucille. Right now it just seemed like Lucille thought that the two of them were sleeping together and Y/N just left it at that. She wasn’t about to admit she was so much closer to Negan than Lucille initially thought. “He’s just…”

“I’m not going to Negan about this, I’m coming to you,” Lucille explained and Y/N looked away from Lucille.

“Lucille, I love Negan,” Y/N tried to explain, a lump forming in her throat. There was so much to her relationship with Negan that there was no way that she was prepared to break up with Negan without even an explanation. “He means everything to me.” 

“You do realize you aren’t special, right? He does this all the time. He’s been cheating for so long and there are so many other girls…” Lucille tried to dig in and Y/N looked away toward the ground. “Negan is a serial cheater. He finds women, he sleeps with them, but there is always one thing he does…he always comes back to me.”

“I know what Negan used to be like,” Y/N clarified since Negan had been so forthcoming with her about how many people he used to sleep around with. “Negan is just…different with me Lucille. I’m head over heels in love with him. I’m sure that upsets you and I fully apologize for it, but Negan…”

Y/N’s eyebrows tensed together while Lucille laughed, “Oh you poor thing. You just think you are the only one, don’t you? What did you think? That he was cheating on his wife with only you and he was in love with you or something?”

“Lucille I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry,” Y/N stammered to find the right words. “I just fell in love with Negan and…”

“If you don’t do it, I’m taking the video to your parents,” Lucille explained and Y/N’s face drained completely of color. “That’s what I thought. You won’t feel bad about the wife of the man you’re fucking finding out, but you will feel bad about your parents knowing you are doing it.”

“You wouldn’t do that to Negan, would you?” Y/N gulped heavily and Lucille’s brows arched. “That’s his best friend you would be telling. My father wouldn’t be happy with that and...”

“Which makes it all the worse that he’s sleeping with you! Do you have any idea what that man has done to me?” Lucille dug further and Y/N wanted to be swallowed whole. She knew that she was missing class, but she didn’t know how to get away from this nor did she know what really to say. “It’s not him I’m worried about though. It’s you. You think a married man is in love with you. You don’t think what you’re doing is wrong. If you don’t do what I told you to with Negan…I will take that video to your parents. I’m not fucking around.”

“Negan does love me,” Y/N tried to insist and the way that Lucille kept laughing at her made her frustrated. “You don’t understand…”

“The only person that doesn’t understand here is you…” Lucille retorted with a grunt. “I know what Negan is like. Negan isn’t a relationship person and the only person that man loves is himself. You may think he’s in love with you because he makes you feel special and he may think there is some kind of bond between the two of you because he took your virginity, but it won’t last long. Negan gets bored and he gets bored fast.”

“I feel like this is a discussion the three of us should have together,” Y/N reasoned with Lucille, but Lucille just shook her head.

“There will be no discussion. If Negan finds out that I’m the reason that his little side piece left him, he will never forgive me. So you are going to do what I asked of you,” Lucille stepped forward, closing the distance between them. Reaching out she poked Y/N in the shoulder and nudged her forward. “Or your parents are going to find out what you’ve done. I have the video and I can ruin your life.”

“You know that Negan actually thinks you are a sweet person,” Y/N blurted out feeling like she was in a tight place while she stood before Lucille. “Why would you do that?”

“Oh, I’m the sweetest, kindest person,” Lucille began, “until you fuck with me. I’m counting on you to do this or it will not end well for you. Do you understand that? And if you even think of telling Negan about this…I will ruin your life in the worst possible way.” 

Y/N said nothing and Lucille gave her shoulder a firm squeeze before walking away leaving Y/N standing by herself. It took a while for Y/N to even gain the strength to move and more than anything she wanted to call Negan. Tell him what happened and ask him what she should do, but the threat that Lucille gave her lingered in her mind.

Moving into the building, she knew that she had the exam to do and when she went into class the professor had pulled her out into the hallway. They didn’t usually make exceptions, but Y/N lied and told them that she began to feel ill because of food poisoning moments before class. The professor trusted her based off her track record, but only gave her the time that was remaining in class. Nothing more. Y/N attempted to do her best, but the fear of what happened lingered in her mind and she had no idea if she really even did that well considering she didn’t have time to check over her answers. She was lucky enough to even finish the exam as it was.

After class she called Negan, multiple times, but Negan was at work and she knew that. She also knew that today was not a day that Negan would share with her because it wasn’t a day that Lucille would be away for work. Negan was going to avoid answering her and she knew it.

Thinking of the only thing she could, she called Joel who gave her the address to his home because he was apparently doing chores around the house. While she knew that she shouldn’t unload everything onto Joel, she just needed a second opinion. She needed help and Joel was the one person that would hear her out and listen to what she had to say.

When she had gotten to his home, she found him in his garage cleaning up old boxes. The clothes he was in were dirty and he was sweating by the time she arrived. The state of the outside of his home was shocking when she got there because she realized that it was a beautiful, large home right off the water.

When she had walked to his standalone garage, she got an eyeful of the waterfront that was in his backyard and she found herself in awe of it. For almost a moment it took her away from her fears and worries, but not for long. Joel had urged her to sit and tell him what happened and she did. God knows how long she had talked before Joel stepped before her to acknowledge everything she told him.

“So what are you going to do?” Joel reached for the bottom of his shirt and lifted it up to wipe at his sweaty face making her swallow down hard when she got a look at his abdomen. Looking away, she almost felt inappropriate seeing him like that so she tried to give him privacy while he did it. “Are you going to tell him what happened? Are you going to do what she asked?”

“What would you do?” she was desperate for another opinion and she watched Joel move in front of her, kneeling down enough to get her to look at him. “I’m upset, I’m shaking and I don’t know what to do.”

“First of all…relax,” Joel reached out with his hands to grab a hold of hers. Joel caressed his thumbs over her shaking hands to try and get her to calm down. “Nothing is going to be done right with you scared. We’re going to get you to calm down and think things out without fear, okay?”

“How can I not be in fear right now? I’m fucking terrified,” she snapped and Joel hushed her, trying to get her to look at him and focus on him. Joel’s hair was messier than usual and she was trying her best to keep focused on the sensation of him caressing over her hands in a soothing manner. “I just don’t know what to do.”

“I tell you what? I don’t take too kindly to threats,” Joel informed her with a hard swallow. “I wouldn’t do what she wanted and from what you’ve told me…Negan isn’t really that fond of her lately either. I understand her being upset, I’ve been in that position, but the fact she doesn’t want you tell Negan about this interaction is odd.”

“Right…” she nodded in agreement and Joel sighed. “But what do I do then?”

“Do you want to dump Negan?” Joel inquired and she quickly shook her head. Of course she didn’t want to leave Negan. “Then don’t. Take some time, whether it is a day or so and tell him. The two of you are likely to come up with a better plan than you doing this alone. Negan likely knows her better than you do so he will be able to handle this.”

“And you are sure that’s the right thing to do? She told me that if I involved Negan that she could ruin my life in the worst possible way,” Y/N repeated what Lucille had said and Joel groaned inwardly. “I’m scared Joel.”

“I just hate when people threaten people like that. No offense, but Negan is the one that approached you and went after you as hard as he did,” Joel thought back to everything that Y/N had told him, “Yet she’s gunning for you and not putting any blame on Negan. I tell you what…I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes, but I reckon I may have decked her after all of that if I were you. I feel for her, I really do. It hurts knowing that the people you thought loved you don’t. Getting cheated on sucks, bad. The reason it bothered me so much is because of what I lost because of it. You just can’t force someone to love you unconditionally and threatening someone like that is so fucked up.”

“Yeah…” she still felt her body shaking and Joel looked her over with worried eyes. A moment later, he reached out to wrap his arms around her. It was uncomfortable at first, but closing her eyes; she took in the warmth of him around her and tried to calm herself. Joel was doing his best to help her and it was something that she appreciated greatly. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry for being scared,” Joel hushed her, caressing his hand over the back of her neck before leaning back. “How about this? I get a shower in and the two of us can go do something that gets me to relax and clear my mind. Would you want to do something like that?”

“Considering there is no Negan today, I don’t see why not,” she stood from where she was seated with the help of Joel. “All I’m going to keep thinking about is Negan and what I’m going to do. I’m freaking the fuck out.”

“You already decided what you were going to do,” Joel hushed her with his deep southern drawl. “You are not going to listen to her demand. You love Negan and you aren’t prepared to leave him. You already know that.”

“Yeah, but then I keep thinking about her threat…” Y/N stuttered, her mind swirling in circles when she thought about the interaction she had with Negan’s wife. “She wants to ruin my life because of all of this…”

“And if she attempts it, that says a lot about her,” Joel assured her, reaching out to caress his large hands in over her shoulders in a supportive grasp. “When you love someone, it’s worth fighting for and I think you decided a long time ago that you were going to fight for it. Right? So you don’t have to worry like this.”

“Why do you have to be so…rational?” Y/N snorted and a smirk cracked in over Joel’s lips. “I guess that’s why I’m here talking to you. You always bring out the best in me.”

“Not really. I just try to make you comfortable with yourself. You already knew how you were going to handle this whole situation; I just had to help you recall it,” Joel spoke softly and he gave her shoulders another firm squeeze before stepping back toward the garage to finish cleaning up a few things before they went to leave.

Standing there for a moment, she realized that Joel was right. Even though she was worried, she didn’t want to give up Negan. Not after all they had been through. She loved him too much and what they had was too special to give up on each other. After a few minutes, she found herself calming down. The shaking had faltered and she began to glance around the garage while Joel dug for something. Something had caught her eye and she stepped forward to reach for it.

“Holy shit, you have one of these…” she grabbed a hold of the Polaroid camera that was on top of one of the boxes and looked it over.

“Yes, yes I do,” Joel’s southern drawl stepped in behind her while she turned it on and let out an amused breath. “I like…older things.”

“Clearly I do too,” Y/N almost mocked herself and she waved Joel in closer to her. “I don’t think we’ve ever taken a photo together.”

“And for a good reason. I hate taking photos,” Joel announced and she rolled her eyes motioning him closer to her. “You really want to take a photo now? After the day you’ve had?”

“Live like there is no tomorrow, right?” she shrugged and realized that she wanted to take advantage of the moment. It was more so over the fact she wanted to play with the camera, but if taking a picture of the two of them helped in making her more comfortable, she was going to do it. “So get over here and take a photo with me.”

Wrapping her arm around his shoulders, she smiled brightly and looked to him when she held the Polaroid camera up. The smile had quickly disappeared and Joel snorted, “What?”

“At least smile?” she offered up and Joel rolled his eyes before almost grimacing a smile, making her laugh when she took the photo. Reaching for the instant photograph, she could see it developing and got a laugh at the look on Joel’s face. “Oh yeah, this one is mine. It is so I can always remember you for your award winning personality.”

“Awesome,” Joel went to move and she pulled him back to her. “Y/N…I stink and desperately need a shower.”

“While I don’t disagree with that,” she snickered, holding the camera up higher this time. “Get close.”

“Yes ma’am,” Joel stepped in behind her, hooking his arm around her shoulder this time. Y/N made a scrunched up face and when the photo came out, it took a minute for her to see it before she noticed that Joel had his nose nuzzled against her head. His nose was wrinkled, but it was a cute photo and she handed it over to him. It was rare that they were caught both being silly. “And this is mine?”

“Cherish it,” she almost teased him. Joel looked to the photo and then back up to her before shaking his head. “You know you will.”

“Absolutely,” Joel groaned and waved her to follow him back up to the house.

Y/N slid her photo into her back pocket while Joel led her through his house. They stopped in his office where she took a look around at the room surrounding her. There were tons of odds and ends showing just how truly eclectic Joel really was. When she stepped beside him, she could see a leather bound journal sitting on his desk and she let out a sound of awe. “Look at that.”

“Hey now,” Joel reached for the journal from her hands and she let out an amused sound. “That’s where all the ideas for the stories go. I kind of scratch my ideas down in there and you don’t need to see those.”

“But I want to,” she insisted with an intrigued sound, stepping forward to reach for the journal again. Just the touch of it was exceedingly cool and she found herself enamored with it. Flipping open the first few pages, she could tell by his posture that he was nervous and she looked over the sketches that were in his journal beside little bursts of his ideas. “Joel, this is amazing. This is one of the coolest things.”

“Well the more you flip the more spoilers you will get, so…” Joel reached for the journal and closed it back up before setting in the drawer to the desk and closing it up. “Sorry Y/N.”

“It’s fine, there is much more to look at,” she snickered and Joel smirked before looking for whatever it was he was digging around for before she grabbed his journal.

Moving across to his bookshelves, she could hear him fussing with something behind her as she reached out for the picture frame that was there. Looking it over, she felt her throat go dry seeing that it was a picture of a younger Joel with a little girl. The warmth of Joel pressed in behind her and she almost jumped, afraid that Joel would be upset that she was looking at his personal items, but he just let out a long exhale and reached out to hold the picture frame with her. “Is this Casey?”

“Yeah, that’s her,” Joel’s eyes surveyed the photo and she frowned seeing the sadness that flashed over in his hazel eyes.

“She was beautiful,” Y/N complimented making Joel smirk. “She looked a lot like you.”

“Let’s hope not, her old man wasn’t much to look at,” Joel ridiculed himself in a manner before Y/N carefully set the photo back where it was.

“That’s bullshit and you know that,” she groaned seeing Joel reach up to wipe at his eyes with the back of his hand. “I think most people would love to have your eye color. They are beautiful.”

“Well she certainly was beautiful,” Joel acknowledged with a heavy sigh. “She was definitely the best thing I ever did.”

“That’s sweet,” Y/N watched Joel go back to what he was doing and she continued to survey the photos that Joel had up of his daughter around the office. There was one with a very young Casey in the photo wearing oversized clothes and wearing rubber boots about five times too big for her after she had clearly gone finishing with Joel who was beside her in the photo. “You guys looked like you had an amazing bond.”

“We did,” Joel let out a heavy breath and he folded his arms out in front of his chest. “This room is very important to me for so many reasons. You’re welcome to stay in here if you want while I take a quick shower. I’m going to head out before I start sobbing though.”

“I didn’t mean for that to happen,” Y/N attempted to reach out to grab Joel’s arm and he shook his head, just pulling out of reach.

“I reckon it’s not your fault darlin’,” Joel informed her, looking down toward the ground. “I’m just not really used to talking about her, so when I do…it gets really hard. I locked it away for so long that when she rises to the surface in my mind; I find it hard not getting upset.”

“And I understand that,” she felt bad that she had even grabbed the photo in the first place. Joel was usually pretty outgoing and positive, but there were those times where she definitely could catch a hint of when something reminded him of his daughter and her heart hurt for him. Joel gave a weak smile and stepped out of the room, leaving her to look around the office. A moment later, she heard tapping on the wall and looked back to see that Joel was leaning against the doorway. “Yeah?”

“You should probably text Negan,” Joel suggested, reaching up to rub over his face while he spoke, “Just be normal about it. Tell him you love him. Do what you would do normally. It’s better to not have a negative outlook on things before you talk about them. Going in with an ‘I’m panicked as all hell’ attitude might make Negan panic by the time you do get to talk to him about what happened with Lucille in person. “If you keep it normal, keep it happy…by the time you finally do talk to him, everything should be easier to handle…together.”

“That makes sense,” she agreed with a nod. She was surprised that Joel was eager to give her suggestions to keep her relationship with Negan afloat. Joel was on the other side like Lucille was in his situation in the past, yet he was helping her and actually giving her good advice. 

By the time Joel left the room and left her to herself again, her eyes were roaming the room trying to take in everything she could. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted an acoustic guitar that was leaning against the wall in the corner of the room. Stepping forward, she looked it over and saw some of the markings that were over it. Never in a million years would she think that Joel was a musician, but clearly she was wrong. Turning on her heel, she moved for the bookshelf again to actually take a look at the books that he had. Reaching for one that caught her eye, she pulled it out and made her way over to one of the chairs beside a table that he had a lot of things at.

Taking a moment she texted Negan and told him how much she loved him. Joel was right, she shouldn’t push Negan away. Not after someone actually threatened her like Lucille did. Call it stubborn, but she wasn’t about to break up with Negan when he was already going through so much as it was. Not after the life they had built together. The home that they shared was still very much theirs and she couldn’t get rid of him even if she tried, but truth was, she didn’t want to.

Flipping through the pages of the book, Y/N took her time looking at the novel until she heard the sound of Joel moving around. Leaning back, she could see through the hallway that Joel was moving through them after clearly finishing his shower.

“It was laundry day today, so you will have to excuse me,” Joel called out and just across the hallway she could see him stepping into the laundry room. Y/N felt her throat go dry looking at him. Joel was shirtless and still very wet while only wearing a pair of jeans. Joel was digging through the dryer clearly looking for something to wear and that must have been why he was apologizing. Tipping back in the chair to get a better look at him, Y/N took notice of his muscular chest and arms. The veins that traveled up his arm drew attention to his body and even though this was neither the time nor place, she couldn’t help stealing a look at him. It was wrong to take in the sights, but for some reason she kept looking while he pushed around looking for whatever it was he wanted.

Somehow she must have leaned back too far in the chair while it began to slip out from beneath her. Gasping loudly, she felt her body falling backwards and before she knew it, she hit the ground hard. Joel’s eyes glanced back and got wide when he saw her sprawled out on the floor.

“Jesus,” Joel quickly moved into the room, pulling a button down shirt over his arms before lowering down to check to see if she was okay. The shirt was still open, leaving his naked torso exposed to her and she felt her cheeks flushing over. Embarrassment flooded through her body not only because of her falling, but because her eyes were eagerly taking in the sights of his body that was clearly well taken care of. “You okay? That sounded like it hurt.”

“Yeah, I’m fine…I’m so sorry,” she apologized accepting Joel’s help as he urged her slowly up into a sitting position. Looking down between them, she took notice of the dark curls of hair that covered Joel’s tanned flesh and she swallowed down hard. Joel noticed her look and he let out a hesitant laugh. “So that’s what all those fries and burgers did to you?”

“I have a lot of free time,” Joel admitted, pulling his shirt closer to his chest and he slowly began to button it up. “I reckon I should just take care of myself. I’m always alone and when I can’t write, I need to take out the energy somehow. It’s not like I’m a body builder of some kind…”

“No, but you’re…nice,” she admitted and Joel’s face flushed over when he left the top two buttons open on his shirt. What Joel hid beneath his clothes was amazing and she found herself in awe of it. While she was head over heels for Negan, she still didn’t have a problem appreciating others when credit was due. Joel had one hell of a body and she was surprised that he wasn’t prouder of it. “I’m really sorry I fell.”

“Are you sure you are okay?” Joel confirmed and she nodded. “Then that’s all that matters. As long as you are okay and you aren’t hurt.”

“I’m fine. I’ve taken worse,” she waved her hand in the air dismissively and let out a tense sound. “Hell, Lucille hitting me hurt a lot more than that.”

“I can see that,” Joel reached out to trace his rough fingers over her face, noticing that Lucille had left a mark on Y/N’s face. She hadn’t even noticed it clearly and maybe it was because it was the hand that had Lucille’s wedding ring on it that she had slapped her with. Either way, Joel didn’t look happy that the mark was there. “Are you good enough to come with me or would you rather stay here and have a movie marathon? Choice is yours.”

“Let’s go where you were planning, I’ll be okay,” she sighed and was desperate to find that place that he said would make him feel comfortable and relaxed. Right now, that’s what she needed. To relax and at the end of the day she was hoping that Joel could help her.

Joel drove her to a wooded area and she let out a tense breath when Joel told her that they were going on a hike. Joel had brought some things with him and as they made their way through the woods she found her mind blown that this is what he did to relax.

“You were sweating your ass off working in your garage and then you decide we should both sweat our asses off on this hike,” Y/N finally blurt out after taking it for as long as she could. Joel let out an amused sound and she swatted some of the bugs that were around her away. “This is relaxing to you?”

“Actually yeah, a hike really gets my mind cleared, but this isn’t what I was going to show you. We just need to get there first,” Joel pointed in the direction they were headed and he reached for her wrist to pull her with him when she almost tripped over tree roots. “Please tell me that you aren’t usually this helpless.”

“Not often. I’m just stressed today. Honestly, I love nature, but my mind is in other places,” she admitted and followed Joel not far behind while he led her down a trail. The sound of water wasn’t far off in the distance and she had to admit the silence that surrounded them other than the water was actually nice.

“That makes sense,” Joel acknowledged with a heavy breath.

“The mosquitos out here are fucking ridiculous,” Y/N snorted, smacking her hand against her arm making Joel burst out laughing as they continued to hike through the woods. “There is something about my blood that just…”

“They are mosquitos, of course they like your blood,” Joel pointed out looking over his shoulder at her while she swatted the air over and over again. “You are an absolute mess, you know that?”

“Takes one to know one,” she frowned, looking out at him while he was clearly amused with her being annoyed with the mosquitoes.

“That’s very true, I am an absolute mess and I’m proud of it,” Joel urged her to follow him up ahead near a very narrow path. Beside them was a stream of water and she stopped to take a long look at how beautiful it was. When Joel’s whistle filled the air to catch her attention, she noticed he was waving her on and she stepped forward. Joel pushed aside some of the bushes that were in her way and looked back to urge her ahead of him. “Go ahead darlin’, ladies first.”

“Wow, you’re being a gentleman now,” she stood straighter and moved ahead of him. Right when she was about to move around him, she felt the firm shove of his hands into her side making her fall into the water that was right at the edge of where they were hiking. Sinking down into the water, she felt it surrounding her before she swam back up to the top to hear Joel’s laughter filling the air. “You fucker.”

“You okay?” Joel snorted and he knelt down at the side of the edge where he had pushed her. “I thought you needed to cool off and this looked like a good place. It will get you away from the mosquitos for a short time.”

“That wasn’t cool,” she splashed the water at Joel and saw him stand up to fold his arms out in front of his chest. Brushing her hands into her wet hair, she pushed it back and took a look around her. They were surrounded by trees. There wasn’t much light getting through except through a few crevices between the trees and she was sure that it was likely because the sun was going down, but it was all very magical in that moment. In the distance of the woods she could see fireflies filling the areas surrounding them and it was almost like being in a movie. “That was mean, you know? What if I couldn’t swim? I could have died.”

“You wouldn’t have died. The water current isn’t that strong. If you were having trouble I would have jumped in after you,” Joel responded with a wink. “But you seem to be doing just fine.”

“I should have pretended that I couldn’t swim just to make you feel bad,” she grunted and Joel shrugged his shoulders. There was something in the way that he was looking at her that made her clear her throat uneasily. It was something she hadn’t quite seen from him before that was mixed with amusement. Joel held his hand out to her from the edge and she swam toward the side of the stream of water. “I think that would be good enough payback. Don’t you?”

“Because nothing says payback like you almost killed me,” Joel mocked her as her hand grabbed a firm hold of his. A grunt fell from Joel’s lips as he gradually began to pull her up from the water. “Let’s get you out of there so I can show you what...fuck!”

Yanking with all her might, Y/N managed to pull Joel into the water and heard him hit the water hard. A large splash of water surrounded her and she let out a proud sound when he came to the top. Joel shook his head and it sent water flying from his short hair. Joel’s eyes slowly opened and water was dripping from his nose. The expression he gave her was enough to start making her crack up.

“Serves you right asshole,” she swam away from him and splashed him once more. Joel turned his head and cleared his throat while he let out a long sigh. “Are you feeling cooled down?”

“I feel great, thank you for asking…” Joel answered, letting out a long sigh. The tension disappeared over his face and he swam in the water getting more comfortable with being there. “I find this to be quite refreshing. I’m glad you aren’t the only that got to experience it. So your payback was a waste.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she splashed him again and snickered when he turned his head away from the water. “Can I ask you something and have you be serious with me?”

“Oh, I’m always serious,” Joel announced, his face twisting and scrunching up. It made her laugh and he shrugged. “Never fun from this guy. I’m just serious all the time.”

Joel took notice of the face she was giving him and he stopped teasing her, a sigh falling from his throat, “What is it?”

“If you could change anything about me that would make me perfect, what would it be?” Y/N swam closer to him and was letting her biggest worries fill her mind. Maybe if Joel could shed some light on some things about her, it would help her with Negan. “You know, what would make me acceptable?”

“Why would I want to change something about you?” Joel swam in closer to her and she shrugged. The sound of birds flying above them was heard and they both looked up to watch them before returning their attention to each other. “I think you are perfectly acceptable the way you are.”

“Well there has to be a reason that Negan hasn’t picked me completely yet. If he would have done it a while ago, I would have never had to go through all of this,” she admitted and for once she actually proved that this whole thing had made her sad and hurt her. It was something she would never say to Negan, but the fact that Negan wanted this second life with her, but never truly wanted to be only hers kind of hurt. He was always telling her that he was truly in love with her and not Lucille, yet here they were. “Negan is constantly telling me that he wants to be with me. That I’m it for him, yet this happened.”

“That doesn’t mean there is a problem with you,” Joel insisted with a firm shake of his head. “It’s hard leaving something that you have gotten used to. You have to realize that Negan has been around this woman for most of his life from what you’ve told me. People get used to that and they are scared of change. I knew that I didn’t belong with my wife and hell I hated her. I blamed her for what happened to our daughter because if she wasn’t cheating, my daughter would still be alive, but…even when I was getting divorced; I had been with her for twelve years. You know? I was scared of it too. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you and it certainly doesn’t mean that he doesn’t think you are perfect.”

“I’m a bit different from the person I was when I first got with Negan,” she informed Joel and she felt her chest ache. In fact Negan had changed so much about her by the time they were finally together that he turned her into what was his version of perfect. “So you think Negan isn’t wrong in this?”

“That’s not my business,” Joel refused to answer and he shook his head. “I just don’t want you hating yourself or thinking there is something wrong with you because there isn’t. You are perfect the way you are. Even if you are checking out other men’s chests while you are dating Negan.”

“Oh come on,” she groaned inwardly when Joel was clearly teasing her to break the seriousness of the conversation between them. Negan’s body was perfect to her. And she loved his body. There was nothing more she longed for or yearned for, but Joel had a nice body and she wasn’t about to deny that. “It was in my face. I couldn’t help it.”

“Uh huh,” Joel felt her swim in closer to him and he nodded toward another area. “I should get you where we are supposed to go.”

“You mean this isn’t it?” Y/N swam closer to Joel and nodded off in the distance where the fireflies were. “I figured this might be the place to relax. It’s like it’s out of a movie scene. It’s beautiful.”

“If you like this, wait until we get where we are supposed to be going,” Joel went to swim away and he felt her reaching for his wrist. Joel swam back to her and felt her reaching out to push his messy, wet hair away from his eyes. Joel’s breath caught in his throat while he found her staring out at him with a serious expression. “Everything okay?”

“I just want to thank you. When I’ve needed someone to help me, you’re always here and I owe you so much,” she brushed her fingers through his hair and slid her hand down the side of his face. Joel’s hazel eyes were watching her closely while she teased her fingers through his short beard. “You’re a great friend Joel. You’ve always been there to make me feel better and I appreciate you more than you will ever know.”

“I just hope you realize how amazing you truly are,” Joel allowed her to pull him in closer to her while they were in the water. It closed the distance between the two of them and caused his Adam’s apple to bounce in his throat. The closeness caused Y/N to tense up and with the warmth of his breath pressing in over her face she found herself at a loss. There was a look in his eyes that almost took her breath away and she felt her heart rate leap in her throat. Joel’s thick fingers reached up from the water to caress over her jaw, sliding in underneath her chin. “You deserve to be loved and to be happy…I don’t want you to ever doubt how great you truly are.”

“That’s exceedingly too nice of you to say,” she laughed and Joel shook his head. A smile cracked in over his lips and his eyes were hooked on hers. “You’re pretty amazing yourself. I’d be crazy to think you weren’t. I’m surprised you don’t have girls lined up around the block because you are perfect.”

“I’m really not,” Joel rolled his eyes and she hushed him. Even she noticed the closeness between them and she swallowed down hard. “I’m better off alone.”

“No, you are one of the most amazing men I’ve ever met,” she whispered, inhaling sharply while Joel traced his fingers over her face. “You’re fucking gorgeous. You are so talented and I could get lost talking to you. You bring out the best in me and make me think clearly. I’d be lost without you. I never want to lose you in my life. I’m so thankful that the world brought us together in the weirdest of ways.”

“I am too,” Joel admitted and he looked down toward the water. It didn’t last long because she forced him to look up at her again. “You’re sweet. You deserve the world.”

“So do you,” she reassured him and Joel nodded. Their closeness was different and with their compliments with each other, she even found herself trembling from it. “You mean so much to me…”

It was silent for a moment. The closeness of Joel before her almost heated her in the water that they were in and when Joel leaned forward she felt herself begin to panic. The way his eyes were hooked on hers made this whole entire interaction feel completely different than where she thought she was taking it and she licked her lips involuntarily. 

Joel’s lips were centimeters away from hers, but she was eager to turn her face and she felt his lips gently colliding with the side of her face. The sound of a sharp breath escaped from his lips when she denied him the kiss that he was clearly going for. Taking notice of the expression that filled his face immediately after told her that he was absolutely mortified with what he had just attempted. Swiftly Joel swam further out and away from her making her feel bad for denying him like that. This was the perfect setting for a first kiss and the moment would have been perfect…if she was not in love with Negan.

“Hey…” she tried to reach out to him, but he reached for the edge where they had originally fallen into the water from to pull himself out. “Joel?”

“We should really get going. We’re going to miss the best part if we don’t get there before sunset,” Joel reached for her hand and almost pretended like the whole thing didn’t happen. Grabbing a hold of his hand, she let him lead her toward an area and when they finally came to an overlook of all the nature and the water, she felt a breath catch in her throat. This really was amazingly beautiful and she was surprised Joel had only lived there for a while and had found something so beautiful. “I told you it would take your breath away.”

“It does,” she saw the way the sun was hidden just beyond the tree line and Joel urged her to sit with him on the edge of one of the rock formations. The sound of the stream of water was adding to the calming nature of it all and it was perfect. Looking to Joel, she could tell that he was avoiding looking at her because he clearly felt embarrassed by what had happened. While she thought it may have been best to mention it, she decided against it and instead reached out to slide her hand into his. Joel looked down and gradually wrapped his fingers around hers, squeezing them between his before looking back out into the overlook. “Thank you. This is perfect.”

“Anytime,” Joel winked while they continued to hold hands.

They were pretty silent, talking occasionally about random things, but never about how they almost kissed. It was like they both had written off what happened and they were eager to forget it. It was nightfall by the time they had finally decided to leave and Joel had thankfully brought flashlights to lead them back. By the time he had dropped her off at her home she wanted to say something, but never found it in herself to do so. Joel was her best friend in her mind and talking about it would have just made things complicated.

The next day she found herself lying in bed with Negan at night. Things had gone normally when he had shown up at the house. They spent some time together and then with Ghost. She half expected things to be different with Negan after Lucille had come to her, but Negan had no idea what had happened and it was clear. The whole day she had thought about what Joel had told her and how she should be open with Negan, but her mind still lingered on Lucille threatening her that she would ruin her life completely if Y/N told Negan about what happened.

“What’s going on?” Negan took notice of the way that Y/N kept shifting over his chest and was letting out heavy breaths. “You’re not fucking comfortable at all and I can tell.”

“Negan,” Y/N rubbed her hand over the center of Negan’s chest while she played with the dark hair over the center of it. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything,” Negan answered with a heavy sigh before tipping down to press a kiss over her forehead.

“If Lucille were to find out about us,” she began and lifted her head to look at Negan. His head lifted up from the pillows and she swallowed down hard. “Do you think she would do something drastic? Like tell my parents?”

“First of all, Lucille isn’t going to find out,” Negan assured her and she felt her chest aching. She knew that Lucille told her that she couldn’t tell Negan about this so it made so much harder trying to talk to him about it. Negan was so confident that Lucille would never find out and she actually did. How was he so confident about this? The fact she knew the truth made this so much harder and she desperately wanted to tell Negan. “I’m really careful. My phone is locked and second…Lucille is sweet. She would never do something like that.”

“But if someone was sleeping with her husband…” Y/N started and Negan hushed her. Negan lifted up to meet her lips in a slow, drawn out kiss. “Negan, I’m trying to talk to you about things…”

“I know you are baby and I just think you are worrying too much,” Negan brushed her hair out of her face and he shrugged his shoulders. “I just think that your nerves are through the roof because of me promising you that I would leave Lucille and you are worried that I haven’t. I swear, when we find out all that shit is okay…the two of us will be together. You don’t have to worry about those kinds of scenarios.”

“But we do,” she tried to correct Negan and he hushed her again. A frustrated breath fell from her throat when her heart began to pound inside of her chest. “I need to tell you so something Negan…”

“Listen. I think I know Lucille more than anyone,” Negan assured her; trying to comfort her in her thoughts, but if only he knew the truth. “She might threaten someone, but she would never go through with it. Her bark is a lot bigger than her bite.”

“And you’re sure about that?” she confirmed, swallowing down hard. The fear of Lucille telling her that she would completely ruin her whole life if she told Negan was swirling around in her head and it made her fearful to actually tell Negan what happened.

“What’s with this Y/N?” Negan half laughed. “Lucille has no idea.”

“What if she does?” Y/N pushed trying to hint to Negan. Maybe if she pressed the subject Negan would be able to figure it out himself. “What if she knew, but she wasn’t telling you that she did? What if she was hiding it from you because she had something else planned?”

“Y/N, I still have some of the marks from when she found out about things before,” Negan chuckled and she let out a disappointed sound. “Listen, if Lucille found out about the two of us, I would know. For sure I would know. She would never let me fucking live it down.”

“I just think you should be open to the idea that maybe she does know. She might not know everything, but I think…” she insisted, trying to convince him to look into things himself. There was the threat that Lucille had given her that truthfully scared the life out of her. Being told that Lucille could destroy her entire life if she told Negan what happened between the two of them had been burning a hole in the back of her mind. “I don’t want something bad to happen between us Negan.”

“I understand that and I don’t blame you. Fuck, you know how much I love you,” Negan reached up to brush her hair behind her ear. “You know nothing means more to me than you, but trust me…I know Lucille. She wouldn’t do something like that. You are worrying for nothing.”

“Okay…” she simply sighed and felt Negan getting comfortable underneath her while they lay in bed together. She wasn’t going to push the subject. The more she thought about things though, the longer the idea of Lucille’s threat dug deep into her mind. What did she care if Lucille tried to ruin her life? Negan was her life. So screw it.

Waiting until Negan was asleep, Y/N waited to make sure that he was out pretty good before reaching for his phone. Looking at the number for Lucille, she only wrote it down for herself. She did no more snooping than what was necessary so she could contact Lucille after today. When she had got the number, she quickly returned to bed with Negan and lowered back to sleep comfortably with him until he had to leave. Negan was everything to her and she wasn’t about to let Lucille ruin that for her.

The next day when she was out of class she had ended up calling Lucille and asking her to meet up in the park near the college. Lucille seemed shocked that Y/N had asked her to meet up, but had agreed to it. While sitting in the park alone, Y/N wondered if she was crazy. If she needed help for what she was about to do.

“This is certainly unexpected,” Lucille’s voice filtered through the air and Y/N lifted her head to meet Lucille’s confused, green eye stare. Y/N moved over on the bench that she was sitting on and allowed Lucille to take a seat beside her. “Are you here to tell me that you did what I asked of you?”

“I think the two of us are going to have a bit of a discussion, so would you like me to buy you a coffee?” Y/N nodded toward the coffee vendor that was off in the distance.

“Seriously?” Lucille snorted at the offer and rolled her eyes. “Hey, I’m fucking your husband, but here…let me buy you a coffee.”

“I’m trying to be civil with you. Would you like one or not?” Y/N repeated her offer and Lucille’s eyes narrowed. It was clear she didn’t trust Y/N and hell; Y/N didn’t blame her. Lucille simply shrugged, so Y/N did what she thought was right and grabbed a coffee for the both of them before returning. “I didn’t know what you liked…”

“What? Negan didn’t tell you?” Lucille almost taunted and Y/N’s jaw tensed. She handed over a bag that had creams and sugars in it instead of responding back to Lucille’s backhanded comment. “So what is this?”

“I wanted to talk,” Y/N stated with a firm nod and Lucille straightened up in her seat. “I know why you want me to do what you want me to do. Thing is, Negan is my life. I’m in love with him. I know that doesn’t make much sense to you and I understand you think I’m an asshole for it, but there isn’t anything you could do to me that would really hurt me more than losing Negan.”

“What is it about him that makes you love him so much?” Lucille seemed confused with Y/N’s confession to her. “I don’t get it.”

“Then why are you fighting for him?” Y/N shot out a rebuttal and Lucille rolled her eyes before putting her coffee together. “I don’t want to say things that could potentially hurt you any further because I’m not out for that. I know what I’m doing is wrong and I know that I’m not a good person, I just don’t want to dig the knife any further than I already have.”

“I’m fighting for Negan because he’s all I have,” Lucille answered with a long sigh. “I put so much effort into this life and into my job that everything I had is gone. I have friends, but this relationship…”

“Don’t you think you deserve better than that?” Y/N blurted out and Lucille’s glare told her everything. “I get that sounds insensitive and I apologize.”

“I don’t think Negan deserves happiness for the most part, but I’ve put in so much effort and it feels like it has been for nothing,” Lucille admitted and Y/N nodded knowing that Negan had opened up with her about a lot of things when it came to his relationship with Lucille, yet she remained quiet. “I understand that you think you are in love with Negan…”

“I know I’m in love with Negan,” Y/N corrected Lucille and heard her let out a long, shallow breath. “It’s not a question in my mind.”

“Which has me worried for you because you clearly don’t have an idea of what that man is truly like,” Lucille rambled and Y/N lowered her head to the ground because she didn’t want to really sit there and listen to how awful Negan was, but she was accepting of what Lucille was saying because she imagined this was hard. “You really think you’ve found yourself Prince Charming, don’t you?”

“We both know Negan enough to know that’s not who he is,” Y/N responded with a long, shallow breath. Lucille looked her over closely and Y/N took a moment to think things out. “I understand why you are upset and why you would want things to work out for you, but I really came here today to tell you that I don’t care.”

“You don’t care?” Lucille repeated and Y/N nodded. “About what?”

“If you want to show my parents the video, go for it. If you want to ruin my life, try…I love Negan and I’m not leaving him,” Y/N firmly insisted while still remaining calm. “I empathize with your situation, but I’m in love with Negan. That’s not changing and I’m not going to just dump him for no reason at all. I care for him too much. If you want to threaten me, then threaten me Lucille. It’s not going to work.”

“So I’m going to assume that you told Negan then?” Lucille inquired, clearly seeing if she had to expect something negative in return from Negan.

“No, I didn’t. I wanted to talk to you first because I’m trying to understand all of this. I didn’t want you to find out like you did. At first I didn’t even want this to happen and my heart hurts for you, it does,” Y/N tried to explain, knowing that she likely sounded awful. “I know Negan cares about me.”

“Why wouldn’t he? He has some sense of false romance because he took your precious virginity,” Lucille ridiculed her and Y/N’s face flushed over with embarrassment. “I feel bad for you that Negan was your first experience. He’s great in bed, but a man like that as your first…this is where I tell you that you deserved better.”

“Maybe,” Y/N muttered, swallowing down hard as she thought of what to say next. “I understand you wanting me to break up with Negan, but I’m not going to do it. If you want to ruin my life and that makes you feel better, then go ahead. I’m not going to live in fear for being in love with Negan.”

“So now you are going to go and tell Negan that this happened then?” Lucille poked further and Y/N thought long and hard about her question. “You know that Negan won’t leave me, right?”

“I don’t know that, but you might be right,” Y/N acknowledged that statement knowing that she had thought that many times in the past. “What I do know is that Negan thinks you are a wonderful person. Someone who would never threaten me or someone else because that’s not you. You’ll kick his ass and attack him, but he doesn’t think you are the kind of person that would want to hurt someone else.”

“He told you I’ve kicked his ass?” Lucille snorted, her nose wrinkling when she spoke. “He’s definitely exaggerating. I tell you that.”

“So you didn’t throw a glass at his face?” Y/N recalled the day Negan came to the house with the wound on his face after he had claimed that Lucille had thrown a glass at him. The way the color drained from Lucille’s face showed that Negan wasn’t lying about that and she bit down on her bottom lip. “So maybe he isn’t exaggerating.”

“That was a situation that I can’t explain really what came over me, but I don’t have to explain that to you,” Lucille defended herself and Y/N held her hands up in the air to show that she wasn’t trying to fight. “If you knew half the things that Negan has done to me, you would think he deserves worse.”

“Probably,” Y/N agreed and held tightly onto her coffee. “I can only imagine the way Negan has made you feel, I just know the way he makes me feel and I’m not going to hurt him like you want me to.”

“You’d really give up everything…for him?” Lucille scoffed and Y/N nodded her head slowly. “You really are a stupid girl then.”

“Maybe,” Y/N thought about the situation and realized she was probably crazy for this meeting, but she didn’t care. “I’m not out to make life more complicated for you Lucille. I never even knew you existed in the beginning. I just fell in love with a very charming man. I can’t help the way my heart feels.”

“Wow,” Lucille came off overwhelmed with the fact that Y/N had decided to stand her ground. “You know when you tell Negan about this, he’s going to be really pissed off at the both of us for going behind his back.”

“And I’ll be prepared to deal with that backlash and hopefully work through it,” Y/N announced, standing up from the bench and nodding toward the area she was about to leave. “I am sorry Lucille.”

“Did you know that I might be sick?” Lucille called out making Y/N stop in her tracks before she could leave fully. The sound of Lucille walking to her was heard and Y/N turned on her heel to stare out at the woman before her. “I never told Negan what they thought it might be, but they think I might have cancer. I just told him they found something weird in my blood work.”

Y/N said nothing, but as she stood there an ache developed in her chest while Lucille continued, “I was having these pains that I couldn’t explain and they think it might be cancer. I didn’t want Negan to feel bad for me and I have no idea if it really is cancer. Unfortunately I have to wait a long time for these tests to find out if I have cancer or not. I was never forthcoming with Negan because I was hoping he would just learn to fall in love with me all over.”

“Negan cares about you Lucille. I know he loves you,” Y/N explained with a swallow, admitting that Negan had said multiple times how much he loved her. Although he had stressed to Y/N that he was not in love with Lucille. “I’m very sorry. I pray that everything is okay and they are wrong.”

“Do you?” Lucille pushed and Y/N felt her throat tighten upon the question. “If I’m gone you have Negan to yourself.”

“I would never wish sickness on anyone Lucille,” Y/N assured her with a saddened breath.

“All I wanted was Negan to be there for me through this. By being with you, he’s putting most of his effort into hiding you from me,” Lucille strained to speak for a moment while she avoided eye contact with Y/N. “Instead of being the husband he should be, he’s doing what he can to make me happy while keeping you a secret from me. How tired he must be…”

“I won’t tell him about this,” Y/N promised and a chill filled her entire body. Negan deserved to know about this, but after Lucille broke that she might have cancer, Y/N felt guilty. “You can do what you want, but I promise you…I won’t say a thing. I pray that you really are okay Lucille. I do.”

“Yeah,” Lucille simply nodded her head and looked to the coffee that was in her hand. “I wish it wouldn’t have gone down this way.”

“You have to do what you have to do and I understand,” Y/N knew that it was probably handing Lucille a loaded gun with her life, but she didn’t care. “I’m not going to hurt the man I love out of selfishness for myself. If loving someone is wrong, I don’t want to be right.”

And with that, Y/N left the conversation and headed out of the park. While she knew that it was wrong to be in love with a married man, she couldn’t help herself. She knew that she was originally going to tell Negan about everything that happened, but the fact that Lucille thought she could potentially have cancer was there. It made Y/N feel extremely guilty that Lucille really did believe that she had cancer so if not telling Negan about all of this helped her in any way, then Y/N would do that for her. There was no way she wanted to cause any more trouble for Lucille than she already did.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan promises a special night for the reader/oc that he can't quite keep and the downfall of his actions reigns heavy on their relationship.

Stretching out in bed, Y/N let out a saddened breath when she looked beside her on the bed and saw that it was yet again empty. In the past, Negan had spent more nights with her during the week than he was currently doing. It seemed like Lucille was working less which meant that Negan was rarely home with her and Ghost. Today it felt especially sad because it was her birthday. It would have been nice to wake up in Negan’s arms instead of being alone. Most of her birthdays weren’t all that special and to have been able to wake up with Negan would have already put her birthday off to a better start than all of her previous birthdays.

It had been a few weeks since Y/N’s run in with Lucille and it had been overwhelmingly stressful for her. After she told Lucille that she would not be breaking up with Negan, Y/N had expected the worst. With how firm Lucille’s threats had been, Y/N found herself waiting for something terrible to occur, but it never did. Negan never mentioned it and she had never seen Lucille again since.

While Y/N had kept her word in not telling Negan about her meet up with Lucille, the threats Lucille threw at her still had her worried. Everything was so surprising because she was almost certain that Lucille would have said something to Negan or would have interfered somehow in Y/N’s life, but she never did. Maybe Lucille had figured her to be a weak soul, but realized when Y/N denied breaking up with Negan that she wasn’t someone who would give up so easily. Either way, Y/N was doing her best to still enjoy her life to the fullest with Negan. Maybe Negan was right about Lucille, she had a big bark, but she never truly bit.

Last night Negan had called her during one of his smoke breaks away from Lucille to remind her that he planned on having a big night for her. Negan had continually insisted that she couldn’t make any plans with anyone else because he had a special evening planned for her. Luckily for them, Lucille was working tonight and Negan told her that he had really important plans for them. The way Negan had been building the day up, he had her through the roof thrilled. It was something that he had kept talking about which meant it was something that he was actually happy and enthusiastic about. His excitement had her excited. It took a lot for her to be happy about her birthday.

Lazily stretching out across the bed, she reached for her phone and fell back onto the bed to look at the messages she had already gotten from her parents both writing her to wish her a happy birthday. Responding to them, she felt guilty because she had attempted to get a lunch in with her parents for her birthday, but they were both busy with work until the end of the day. So she was pretty much ditching her parents who wanted to take her to dinner for her birthday to be with Negan. They had both written her to make sure she was really okay without having them taking her out. While she felt guilty about it, she knew that Negan was so insistent upon her going out with him, that she had to deny them the offer. It would have been nice if they could have worked out breakfast or lunch, but unfortunately work came first for them.

Looking at the next text she saw that Alexis had written her asking her if she wanted to hang out with a group of Alexis’s friends and she denied her as well. While she appreciated the offer, her main priority was Negan and during the night she left her schedule open for only him.

A disappointed sigh fell from her lips. She had almost wished that Negan would have been the first person to wish her a happy birthday. Oddly enough it was Joel that had sent her a silly text near midnight to wish her a happy birthday. Since she was still awake she had texted with him for a while and agreed to go to his house this morning because he insisted that he had something he wanted to show her. There was vagueness to the way he asked her to come over, but she agreed to go anyways.

Getting up from the bed, she headed to the bathroom for a shower until she heard her phone alert her to a new text message. Opening it up, she could see that it was a message from Negan and instantly a smile expanded over her features. It was astonishing how just the sight of his name on her phone could get her that happy.

“Happy birthday baby, don’t forget to be dressed and ready for six tonight,” she started to read out loud knowing that they had set plans. Negan asked her to specifically wear a certain dress that he had picked out for her and ordered her to be ready at a precise time. It was something they had already agreed upon, but clearly he wanted to remind her. “Here is an early present…”

Noticing that he sent a video, she cracked a smile to see that Negan had clearly set the phone on the counter after he had gotten out of the shower. He was wearing a white towel that was loosely hanging from his wet body and she couldn’t help, but smile. Negan gave a wink before reaching down for his towel to open it for a moment making her laugh when he flashed his naked form before closing his towel back up. It was a short video, but it was true to Negan and made her cheeks flush over. It was the perfect start to a morning because Negan knew she loved his body and it fit his personality.

Watching the short video once more, she sighed and realized that if she didn’t get ready she would be late for the time that Joel asked her to be at his home. Getting in a shower and then throwing something on quickly, she headed over to Joel’s home. Heading up to the front door, she noticed that it was partially opened and tensed upon seeing it. Her heart began to hammer inside of her chest wondering if something was wrong. Pushing open the door, she noticed that everything seemed to be pitch-black and she stepped forward being careful as she moved into his home. Closing the door behind her, she felt her pulse leaping in her throat at the silence that surrounded her.

“Joel? Are you alive?” she called out, finding herself bumping into things as she walked through his dark home. Once she reached the hallway, she could see out of the corner of her eye that there was a small light illuminating from the dining room. Moving carefully through the hallway, she used her hand to brace herself against the wall to help so she wouldn’t fall over. “Joel?”

Reaching the dining room, she pushed the door open further and her eyes finally made out what was a single lit candle that was lit. It was illuminating a small cake with the words happy birthday written on top of it. The setup had a grin crack in over the corners of her lips, but the sound of a guitar being strummed shocked her and caused her to jump.

“Happy birthday to you,” Joel’s deep voice started singing behind her and her smile expanded. So many times she had asked Joel to sing something for her or to play his guitar, but he had always denied her telling her that he would be too embarrassed to do so. Closing her eyes, she took in the sound of him singing to her and felt the warmth of him stepping in behind her while he sang. When he was done with the song, she still found her eyes closed and Joel snickered from behind her. It was nice picturing what he looked like while he was singing to her. She never actually imagined that he was any good at the guitar or singing after the way he stressed how nervous he was to play for her. “This is the part where you are supposed to blow out the candle.”

Doing as she was told, she leaned forward and blew out the candle to the cake. After she did, she heard Joel moving around the room to pull open the blinds to the room which immediately blinded the both of them since he had purposely made his entire house dark to surprise her.

“You know,” she looked over the cake feeling a sudden sense of happiness while looking at it. “I really thought you were dead. I thought I was walking into a murder scene and I was going to be next.”

“It sounds like you have read one too many of my stories,” Joel teased her with a bright smile. “I surprised you, right? I assumed you would be busy later tonight, so I figured I would get this out of the way before you were too busy.” 

“You sure did surprise me. I can’t believe you sang for me,” she nodded toward the acoustic guitar that was in his hand and Joel let out a nervous laugh. His right eyebrow perked up and he carefully set it aside. “I thought you would never be caught dead doing something like that. After how many times you denied playing that for me, I just assumed I would never hear it.”

“Well, I don’t do it in front of most people, but you aren’t most people,” Joel acknowledged with a wink. “Just don’t go around thinking I’m going to be playing for you all the time because that took a lot out of me to do.”

“Why? You sound amazing,” she pointed out knowing that she found herself entranced with the way he had sang something as simple as Happy Birthday. “You should play the guitar more. It made me smile and I could use a lot more of that.”

“I play it a lot, just not in front of people…” Joel admitted and cleared his throat, “but if you’re lucky…maybe I will do it for you more in the future.”

“Maybe is better than no,” she giggled and Joel smirked. Leaping forward, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. Joel let out an uncomfortable breath before loosening up and squeezing his arms around her. It was obvious that Joel wasn’t used to people being as friendly as she was, but she was clearly starting to rub off on him. “This is remarkable.”

“I know it’s breakfast time, but how do you feel about having a piece of that?” Joel offered, his warm breath pressing against her ear causing her to shudder when he said it. Swallowing down hard, she pulled away from him and nodded.

“Cake for breakfast? Fuck yes,” she answered with a bit of happiness to her tone.

This was the first time that anyone had surprised her like this for her birthday and it was ridiculously sweet that Joel would do this for her. Joel seemed a bit awkward while he stood before her and he nodded. When Joel left the room, she truly wondered if this had been the first time Joel had truly been so open with someone in years. Joel was very closed off and it was clear that he was nervous doing all of these things for her. It was obvious that he was wondering if what he was doing was right so she assumed that this was one of the first times in a very long time that he had done something special for another person.

Joel returned to the dining room and came back with some silverware and plates. Watching him cut the cake made her let out a tight laugh. When Joel was her professor at first she never really pictured him to turn out being the type of man she had discovered him to be. “This is amazing Joel.”

“Good,” Joel slid the piece of her cake out to her before cutting a piece for himself. Joel took a seat across from her at the table and stared out at her with an expecting glance. “So what’s in the plans for tonight? Are you going to see your parents? Hang out with your friends? Do something nice with Negan?”

“A friend of mine and my parents wanted to do something tonight, but I turned them down. I’m going to be with Negan,” she explained, taking a bite of the cake and letting out a pleased sound when she did it. “This is great. Did you make this?”

“I’m glad you like it. I made it last night, but it’s nothing special” Joel simply shrugged his shoulders. It was amusing how little he thought of himself because it was actually a really great cake. “So what’s going on with Negan tonight?” 

“Negan told me he has something really special planned,” she answered with a bit of excitement in her tone. Her enthusiasm made Joel smile and she did her best to contain how happy she was about it. It was really the first time in her life that someone had made her birthday so important. For the most part, her entire life was spent just really believing her birthday was another day. “I mean, he’s been really animated about it so I can only imagine what he’s doing. He’s been talking about it for the last two weeks every time we’ve been around each other, so I can only imagine what he’s doing. It has to be important to him though.”

“Good, I’m glad he’s doing that for you,” Joel claimed while she continued to eat the cake he had made for her. “I was going to ask you if you wanted to grab Ghost later and then we could go to that spot we were at the other day. Hang out, but maybe next time.”

“I will definitely take a rain check on that. Maybe next time I can bring my camera. It’s so beautiful there I feel like it would be amazing photos to potentially hang on the walls,” Y/N boasted and she watched Joel nod before poking at his cake. “This is probably the nicest thing a friend has ever done for me Joel Baker.”

“Well that’s a damn shame,” Joel finished off his last bite of his cake and he saw her eyebrow perk up when he stood from the table. “Because that’s not all…”

“Come on,” she frowned watching him reach down at the corner of the room where he had a gift bag sitting. Joel moved across the room and set the bag down in front of her watching her eyes get big. “You shouldn’t have done all of this.”

“But I did, so…” Joel chuckled, moving to lean back against the wall in the corner of the room to watch her. Standing up, she began to pull out the tissue paper that was there to keep the gift hidden. Finally, her fingertips connected with something and she pulled it out to see a leather bound journal. Her initials were burned into the leather and she could feel her heart skipping a beat looking at it. “I remember you seeing mine the first time you were here and thinking it was really cool, so I thought I would get you your own if you ever wanted to use one for yourself for any good writing ideas.” 

Setting the journal down on the table, she moved across the dining room to wrap her arms around the back of Joel’s neck again. Cautiously, Joel wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her.

“Thank you,” she whispered, pulling back enough to look him in the eye. Joel simply nodded and gave a small smirk before she moved back and away from him. “You have no idea how much I appreciate what you’ve done this morning.”

“It was really no problem,” Joel winked and then nodded toward his kitchen. “How about we go and make some eggs and bacon to offset that whole sweet tooth we have going on with the cake?”

“Sounds great,” she agreed and Joel rubbed his hands together before leaving the dining room. Taking a minute to look at everything surrounding her, she felt exceedingly lucky to have found a friend like Joel. Reaching for her journal, she caressed her thumb over the top of it before hearing Joel call out to her from the kitchen. “I’ll be right there, I’m coming.”

Setting the journal back in the bag she had, she headed for the kitchen to help him. After they had breakfast, they talked for a while before she headed back home. For a few hours she did everything that she was supposed to do with taking care of the house and Ghost.

At the time that Negan had wanted her dressed and ready, she was. She felt like a little kid with how happy she was to be going out with Negan. It had been a few days since she had last seen him and that alone was exciting in itself. With all the talking that Negan did about tonight, she only could picture what he had planned and maybe she was getting ahead of herself with ideas, but she was eager with anticipation for tonight. Sitting on the couch for a while, she reached out for her phone and looked to see that it was a few minutes after he had asked her to be ready. Negan was usually pretty good with being on time, but it was prime time for traffic, so she rest back on the couch again.

After a while it had seemed like it had been longer than she had expected to wait for Negan. Looking at the time she could see that it was an hour after Negan had asked her to be ready and she found herself worried. Moving for her cellphone, she half expected to find a text from him telling her that he would be late, but there was nothing. Calling him, she found the call almost immediately going to voicemail. Letting out a confused breath, she went ahead and texted him after, but still had no response.

Getting comfortable, she waited on the couch for him and turned on the television to wait, but still nothing came from him after a while. There was a fear in her body that something was wrong with Negan after not being able to get ahold him. Hours had passed and nothing. Multiple times she had called Negan and texted him, but it was no use. She wasn’t getting ahold of him.

After she had told her friends and her parents that she had other plans to be with Negan, she started feeling bad. Reaching for her phone, she pulled it out to call her parents and got ahold of her mother who told her they had made other plans when Y/N had told them she was going out with their friends. Multiple times her mother had mentioned leaving where they were if she wanted them to, but she felt guilty for denying them the chance to see her on her birthday anyways. In the background of the call she could hear her father laughing and having a good time. The last thing she wanted was to take them away from that, so she pretended that everything was okay. She told her mother to have a good time and then called Alexis who also told her that she had made other plans too after Y/N denied her this morning. 

After hours of waiting, she got up from the couch and went to get Ghost to bring him out with her because it felt lonely being alone. They played together for a while until Ghost fell asleep on the floor and she realized that whatever Negan had planned clearly wasn’t going to be happening.

Looking to the corner of the room she saw Joel’s gift he had given her sitting there. Moving across the room, she grabbed it and pulled it out of the bag. Dropping down on the floor in front of the couch, she flipped open the journal and saw that there was a note that Joel had written on the front cover page.

“Thank you for helping me to realize that there are still people worth a damn in this world. You have inspired me so much since we’ve met and I hope this journal will do the same for you. May all your hopes and dreams come true,” Y/N read out loud to herself what he had written in the book. Swallowing down hard, she closed the journal and thought about Joel. This morning Joel had offered to take her out and now she almost wished she hadn’t turned him down. She could have called Joel, but she felt guilty. 

Kicking off her shoes, she waited for Negan. Hours she spent watching television waiting for him and when she saw it was almost midnight she went into the kitchen to grab what was left of the cake that Joel had made her and sent home with her. Sitting in front of the coffee table, she ate what was left of the small cake and realized that it was no longer her birthday. Negan had promised her the most amazing birthday that she had ever had and he had missed her birthday completely.

Getting up from the floor, she moved over to the couch and laid down. Watching television, she found her chest aching. She gave up multiple chances to spend time with people for her birthday and part of her actually hoped that something was wrong with Negan. Otherwise, he completely ditched her on her birthday and left her alone waiting without any form of letting her know. He left her hanging on and while hoping something was wrong with him wasn’t a nice thing, it would have been better than knowing that she was ditched.

The ache from her chest went down her arms and she just felt overall really terrible. After how much he had built her up for tonight, she found herself on the verge of tears. She felt pathetic sitting there for over six hours waiting for Negan to show up. After two hours she should have just given up, but somewhere in her mind she truly believed that Negan was going to do what he had promised. 

Eventually, she heard the sound of a knock at the door and heard Ghost bark when it filled the room. Lifting her head from the couch, she looked to the time to see that it was two thirty in the morning and felt her chest tightening. Standing up from the couch, she moved to the door to pull it open. Stepping back, she was met with the lit candles of a cake and let out a frustrated sigh. Her chest was rising and falling heavily when she heard Negan start singing Happy Birthday to her. For the most part, she would have been swooning to hear Negan singing anything to her, but as he stood before her holding a cake in his arms singing to her about her birthday when it was almost three hours after her birthday ended, she found herself hurt.

When Negan reached the end of the song, her eyes rose to meet his and when he noticed her expression, he frowned. Back stepping away from the door, Y/N looked Negan over and saw that he was wearing a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. It looked like something he had only quickly thrown on, not something that was meant to be special for her. Discouraged, she moved away from the door and heard Negan let out a hurt breath.

“Baby, you are supposed to blow out the candles,” Negan attempted to get her attention while she moved back into the house. Watching her drop down on the couch, Negan moved into the living room and set the cake down on the coffee table. Negan held his hands up in the air and feigned a smile that came off more worried than happy. “This isn’t the only thing…”

Quickly moving back to the car, Negan brought in the giant teddy bear that he had gotten for her and the two dozen roses that he had bought her for her birthday. When he returned he could see that she was still watching the television and Ghost was sitting next to her on the couch. Setting the flowers beside the cake, Negan held out the large teddy bear toward Y/N. Both Y/N and Ghost gave the oversized teddy bear a confused glance and Negan let out a defeated breath.

“Please take the bear,” Negan stammered and she did as he asked. Not even a moment later, she set the bear beside her on the other side of the couch and still said nothing to him. “It’s still your birthday somewhere in the country…so please…blow the candles out. Make a wish.”

“Wow, it’s still my birthday in California for another fifteen minutes,” she snapped and Negan lowered his head, his hand reaching up to caress at the back of his neck in a tense motion. Leaning forward, she blew out the candles for Negan and looked up at him with an angered expression. “Are you satisfied?”

“Did you wish for something good?” Negan inquired with a half-smile and she felt her eyes tearing over while she looked up at him. An ache developed at the center of Negan’s chest when he noticed and he could see that she was hurt. “Y/N…”

“I wished you would have been here eight hours earlier like you promised. I spent my entire night waiting for you instead of going out with people that actually wanted to be near me. I turned down my parents for you…” she stood up from the couch and looked down at the dress Negan had specifically asked her to wear. “I hope you like the dress. I hope this is everything you pictured when you asked me to do all of this tonight.” 

Her voice was rasp and she was doing her best not to sob. Swallowing down the lump that developed in her throat, she felt miserable about everything. Managing to reach behind herself to pull down the zipper on the dress, she pushed the dress down her body. Kicking the material aside, she felt her body shaking and Negan stepped forward. Holding her hand up, she motioned him to stay where he was and reached for the dress. Throwing it at him, she watched him catch it and his hazel eyes gave her a saddened look. “Be waiting for me at six Negan says. Wear that special dress that I love he tells me do. Hours pass and he can’t even let me know that he’s not going to be able to make it. He just keeps me waiting.”

“Baby,” Negan watched her heading for the stairs and he followed her toward them. She didn’t wait for him while he followed her close behind to see her going for her pajamas. Instead of putting on what he often liked her to wear, he could see her grabbing something comfortable to put on. “I’m sorry.”

Instead of answering him, she just continued to get ready for bed and Negan followed her around the room like a lost puppy dog, “I had everything planned for us. I had reservations at this really nice restaurant right out on the water. We would have a candle lit dinner and after dinner I had something really nice planned out. It was really special and I had to pull a lot of strings to do it, but Lucille came home early tonight and told me she switched shifts with another person. I wanted…I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t get away from her. I’m sorry.”

“Not even one single text Negan?” she turned on her heel as she held a pair of socks in her hand. By this point she was crying and he could feel his heart hurt while staring out at her. She damned herself for crying, but she was so upset with how much he had hurt her and let her down tonight. It may have been pathetic, but she couldn’t help it. “You couldn’t even let me know that she came home and told you that her schedule was changing? That way I didn’t spend the entire night all alone thinking about how I told my parents no? Instead of telling me, you decided it was better leaving me all alone to myself on my birthday?”

“She was up my ass today Y/N, I couldn’t get away from her,” Negan pled and he tried to reach out to her, but she smacked his hands away from her and he realized how truly upset she really was. “Baby? Please. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care Negan, this is my fault,” she explained with the shake of her head. Pacing she moved over toward the closet to walk in and Negan followed her. Standing in the middle of the tiny room, she headed back out and she was so mad at herself for crying. Involuntarily her body was shaking and she felt pitiful for being so upset. “I’m in love with a married man. I’m the pathetic mistress that for some reason thought I would be something more than your side girl, but I’ll never be more than the girl that you are fucking on the side. I’ll never be your number one choice and I’m just fooling myself by being so in love with you.”

“Hey now, no you’re not,” Negan denied, stepping forward closer to her. Grunting, Negan felt her pushing into the center of his chest to get him away from her. “I love you so very much Y/N. You know that. I’m head over heels in love with you.”

“No, you’re not,” she refused and shook her head. The look Negan gave her was almost pleading as she moved around him. Reaching up she attempted to wipe the tears away from her face, but they just kept on falling. There was the buildup of everything that had happened with Lucille weeks ago, but she had never felt so hurt by Negan for letting her down so hard. “I thought I was something more, but I was stupid to believe that. I thought I could be more than I am, but you don’t love me. You just love the idea of me.”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Negan reached out for her wrist and pulled her back to him. “I know I hurt you…”

“You think that you are in love with me because you took my virginity, but you’re really not,” she sniffled and Negan could see her falling apart in front of him. When he was at home he didn’t really think it would have led to this. Sure, she would have likely been upset, but he thought everything would have been okay when he showed up with the things he did. So he wasn’t even sure how to handle her sobbing before him. The last thing he wanted was her like this and he felt hopeless while she continued to cry before him. “I just have to learn to be okay with it. I’m the girl that you are having an affair with and I’m not married to you.”

“Don’t say things like that,” Negan suggested, stepping forward to boldly try to reach out to cup her face and hushed her when he heard her sobbing getting harder. “Just close your eyes and imagine…”

Negan tried to calm her, but she couldn’t help crying while his thumbs caressed over the sides of her face, “I had a reservation at a very nice place. I had gotten us tickets to that play you kept talking about. I know I teased you that I was never going to go with you, but I had gotten a friend to help me get tickets to it and then after I was planning on taking you to our spot that we were first together…we’d have your cake and skip some rocks. Spend the night out under the stars again…”

“Negan…” she frowned watching him reach inside his pants pocket and she lowered her stare to see that he had pulled out a black velvet box. Gulping, she saw him lift it out to her and found herself confused.

“I planned to give this to you in a better situation, but…” Negan held the box further out expecting her to take it and she felt her chest hurt more. Negan was just staring out at her with anticipation, clearly very proud of the gift he was giving her. Instead of taking it, she shook her head and walked around him toward her side of the bed. A wounded sound escaped his throat and he called out to her. “Aren’t you the slightest bit interested?”

“Not really,” she reached up to wipe at her face to brush the tears away. After tonight and what he put her through, she didn’t really want gifts from him.

“Please, I tried really hard thinking this one out,” Negan begged and she turned on her heel to see his hazel eyes staring out at her. There was a sadness plastered over his face while he held the box further out for her. Grabbing the box, she pulled it open to see a ring inside of it. Giving him an odd expression, she reached inside and pulled it from the box. Upon her looking at it, Negan’s smile expanded over his handsome features. Reaching to the black string that was around his neck, Negan lifted it and showed her that he had a matching ring and confusion flooded her. “It is a set of promise rings…”

“Promise rings?” she scoffed, looking down at the ring that he had clearly gotten her for her birthday. The room felt like it was spinning around her as she put the ring back in the box and closed it. Sadness flooded over Negan’s face when she set the box on the corner of the dresser. “What good are those for Negan?”

“I promised you that I would be yours after everything,” Negan began to explain as he reached for the box she set down. Following her over to the bed after she sat down, he pulled out her ring and tried to show it to her while lining it up with his. “Please look at them. They match. When they are put together, they make the design of a heart. Yours has some small diamonds and mine…”

It looked like she really had no interest in hearing what he was saying when Negan lifted his head and saw that she was still clearly crushed by what had happened today. Guilt was eating away at him as he tried to continue to talk about it while she was still crying, “It has my initials on your ring and yours on mine. With the date we first kissed labeled on them.”

The silence was eating him alive while he still saw that she was crying next to him, “I know…I know I upset you, but please…I worked really hard on these.”

“It’s a promise ring from a married man. Think about that Negan,” she pointed out bringing to attention how silly that actually sounded. The sadness flooded into Negan’s face while she felt her body tremor. At the time Negan got them he honestly thought it was a great idea. Now that she pointed out what she did, he felt stupid and just…bad. “A promise ring is a sign of commitment between two people Negan. You’re married and what we have is not a commitment, it’s wrong.”

“I’m married to Lucille, I know I am, but what we have together is a commitment too. We have a home together. We have a family with Ghost. We share love together,” Negan grunted setting the ring aside while he reached out to turn her to face him. The grasp on her face was rough while he eagerly attempted to get her to look at him. “I fucking love you. I love you so much. You don’t even understand how much I fucking love you.”

“Negan please…” she cried because she felt awful. After the buildup and all the excitement, Negan let her down and he let her down hard. It was almost like he didn’t even understand how much he hurt her. He just wanted her to be happy about all he had done and forget what he had put her through tonight.

“I’ll make it up to you, I swear…” Negan pled and he leaned forward to press soft kisses over her damp cheeks, hating to see that she was crying like she was.

“We only have one birthday a year Negan,” she reminded him with a half laugh and Negan tried to kiss her, but she lowered her head away from him. A frustrated breath filled the air, but she didn’t care. Most of the time she would have bent over backwards to make Negan happy, but tonight she couldn’t find the strength in herself to do it. 

“Please put the ring on,” Negan insisted, reaching for it and then pushing it up her finger. “See, with this on, you know that my heart belongs to you. That I will always be here for you and we’ll be together.”

“It’s only going to remind me of how I’m going to be sitting here hoping for something that is never going to happen,” Y/N frowned, feeling her heart sinking the more she thought about Negan and Lucille. After Lucille admitted to her that she was being tested for cancer, Y/N kept up her relationship with Negan like nothing had happened. Maybe this was her payback for it. “I’m always going to be second place to Lucille.”

“No, we already talked about this, I’m only with her because I want to make sure she is safe,” Negan tried to insist, his voice coming out rasp as he spoke. “You…you are so fucking special to me. I am so very sorry that I hurt you. I know I hurt you, but please…I’m going to do everything I can to make it up to you. I’m so sorry.”

“Negan,” she felt him desperately trying to kiss her and within moments Negan had her on her back on the bed. Reaching for his shirt, Negan tossed it aside and his kisses were attempting to persuade her into falling into him. “You should have called me or at least texted me.”

“I know, I know. I fucked up,” Negan admitted with a frown while he continued to try to fix things with his kisses. “Let me show you how much I love you…”

“I just…” she attempted to reason with him and he cut her off again with kiss after kiss. With her hooking her fingers into his hair, Negan knew that he could get her to fall for his kisses. A frustrated sound filled the air as she pushed her hands into his chest and heard him let out a wince. “You think having sex with me is just going to make me forget about all of this?”

“No…of course not,” Negan hushed her, attempting to crawl in over her as she hit him in the chest several times and he tried soothing her. Wincing, he could feel her hits getting harder at the center of his chest, but he didn’t stop trying to get her to relax. “Y/N please…look…”

Looking down she saw Negan lifting up the bottom of her shirt to slide his hand in over her inner hip to align the tattoo he had gotten with her to the one she had, “We’re connected. Okay? The two of us are always going to be bonded together. I love you so much.”

“You should have at least said something instead of leaving me waiting,” she felt her heart ache and she could see the desperation in Negan’s eyes while he stared down at her. “You built me up to believe it was going to be this amazing night and I was so excited to only be let down.”

“I know. I fucked up, I know I did,” Negan tried to explain as he lowered his body in over hers and reached for hand where he had pushed the promise ring up her finger. “I really was so excited to do what I had planned tonight too because I love making you feel special, I just…I couldn’t get away from Lucille. I know that I hurt you, but I swear…I’ll never do it again.”

Looking to Negan’s fingers hooked with hers, she knew that was a lie. Everything hurt and she knew that Negan was going to hurt her again. How could he not? She was the mistress and Lucille was his wife. Reaching out with her free had she grabbed a hold of the ring that he had around his neck and looked at it.

“Now we’re always going to be connected in more ways than just the tattoo,” Negan promised her, leaning down to kiss her again. Without rhyme or reason, she found herself falling into his kisses and somehow managed to end up making love to him. The way that Negan moved, touched her and talked to her was definitely his way of trying to make up for what he had done to her. Swallowing down hard, she felt Negan forcing her wrists to the bed beside her head while his mouth caressed over the side of her neck. “No one is ever going to love you as much as I do…”

Negan’s words vibrated against her skin and even though she knew he meant it in a way that was meant to be loving, she found that it actually hurt. Was love supposed to be like this? After Negan had made love to her, she found herself wrapped up in his arms while Negan traced his fingers over hers, playing with the promise ring around her finger.

“I promise I will make it up to you,” Negan whispered, depositing a kiss over her temple and she found herself quiet. The stroking of Negan’s fingers over hers felt great, but she found herself wanting more than just sex from the relationship and she was wondering if that’s all Negan was willing to give right now. “The two of us have a family with Ghost and I swear I will do everything I can to make up for what happened.”

The story Negan had sounded perfect with what he had planned for her birthday, but as far as she was concerned, that’s all it was…a story. Nothing more. Now she had found herself wondering if that’s really what he had planned or it was something that he had come up with on the way over. The promise ring would have been considered very sweet in a different situation, but now it just felt spoiled. Even if Negan was ridiculously proud of the rings, it felt…wrong.

With Negan whispering sweet words in her ear while he held her in his arms, she found herself wanting to believe him. How much she loved Negan would always keep her from the truth and keep her hopes up because she had never loved anything like she did him. She just wished that he didn’t hurt her as much as he often did.

The next morning Y/N found herself lying in bed with Negan who seemed conflicted with what to do. His alarm had gone off for him to leave moments earlier, but he quickly dismissed it. His chest was rising and falling heavily. There were several clearly concerned breaths that he was giving and she could tell that he was conflicted with what to do while her head was resting over the center of his chest.

Letting out a discouraged sound, she pulled her head from his chest and turned away from him, “Go.”

“I can text her and tell her that I had to leave early for something,” Negan offered and she shook her head knowing by the way he was breathing that he was clearly conflicted. If he was conflicted and didn’t want to stay with her one hundred percent, she didn’t want him there. Reaching out, he caressed his hand in over her shoulder and heard her let out a troubled breath. “I love you Y/N.”

“Yeah,” she swallowed down hard and nodded. Negan stayed in bed caressing over her shoulder for a moment longer before she heard him sitting up in the bed. After a moment she looked over her shoulder to see him sitting on the edge of the bed. His head was lowered and it was clear that he was trying to determine what he was going to do. “Maybe in another life you would stay and we’d have breakfast together. You’d tell me how much you loved me and then we could take Ghost on a walk through the woods. We could have a picnic and find a really beautiful place to relax and watch the sunset together.”

“You know I can’t get away with that right now,” Negan frowned, looking over his shoulder at her. “I realize I’m not giving you completely what you want with this relationship and I’m sorry for that, but I love you. I wish you would realize that.”

“I wish you would understand why I’m upset,” she breathed and Negan let out an exasperated breath.

“You knew what you were signing up for when you got with me,” Negan almost said with venom in his tone and she let out a tense laugh. Almost immediately after he said it, it was like he had realized what he had said wrong and let out tense sound. “Listen, I’m doing my best to give you what you want. I swear I am. I want to do those things with you, I really do. I want to spend all day with you and to be able to give myself to you fully.”

“Yeah,” she nodded, pulling herself up in bed and resting her back against the headboard. She felt hollow and empty after everything that happened in the last day. Her eyes hurt and she could only imagine how swollen they must have looked.

“Listen, I can probably make the breakfast happen. All I have to do is text her and…” Negan began and he saw that she was starting to cry again. Getting down on the bed, he crawled across it and reached for her. Pulling her into his arms, he held her close to him and stroked his hand over the side of her face. They really didn’t say anything, but he knew there was nothing he could do to fix what he had done the night before. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” she swallowed down realizing that she was always going to love him more than he was capable of loving her. “You should probably go before you get in trouble.”

“You’re everything to me,” Negan whispered pressing a tender kiss over her temple and she felt her chest ache as he got up from the bed. Negan reached for his clothes and gradually got them back on. Going to move for the door, Negan stopped and then turned back around to kneel on the bed to kiss her again. “I love you so much.”

“I know,” she touched the side of his face as he pulled away to stare out at her. Negan grabbed her hand and looked down at the promise ring he had given her. The way he looked it over and caressed over it with his thumb made her realize how proud of it he actually was. There was no doubt that Negan was proud that he had his ring on her finger. Negan had given her one more kiss before leaving her alone to her thoughts.

Unfortunately, Negan was right. She knew what she was signing up for when she got with Negan in the first place. She was supposed to be his mistress and nothing more. Yet here they were sharing a home together and having a family with their puppy. At first she was okay with having less of Negan, but the buildup of all of his promises really got her going. She should have never believed them and gotten her hopes up. Even though it was Negan’s response to her being upset with him and it was ill thought, he was right. She was lucky enough to have what she already had, but all of this hurt so incredibly much and she hated how bad it really made her feel.

There was no amount of energy that could get her out of bed after everything happened. She was drained mentally from everything that had happened. Her heart was still broken, but mentally she was trying to convince herself that everything was okay. That this was what she signed up for when she fell in love with Negan.

Reaching for her cellphone, she looked at the background image seeing that it was a photo of her with Negan and Ghost together. Everything seemed so perfect in the moment when they were together, but when he would leave again she was reminded of how hard this all truly was.

Looking at her phone, she saw a text from Joel pop up asking her how amazing her night was and she ignored it at first. Sulking felt right in the moment, but she knew that she needed to get her mind off of things and open up to one of her friends. Texting Joel, she found out where he was and slowly got out of bed asking him to stay there. Getting ready, she took her time before she found herself at the college’s planetarium and gave a confused look when she pushed open the doors. The projection was lit, but when she looked around the room she noticed that she didn’t see Joel.

“Joel?” she called out letting out a gasp when she saw Joel sit up near the front of the room and show that he was laying on the floor. “What the hell are you doing down there?”

“Thinking,” Joel answered and she moved toward the front to watch him lie back down to look up at the lights that filled the theatre above them. “I come here to try and clear my mind when I can’t go on that hike and get those real stars.”

“I see,” she snickered, staring down at him as he folded his arms behind his head and watched the projections above them. “You do this for fun?”

“I told you a long time ago I was boring,” Joel pulled his stare from above to glance over at her. “You’ll just have to get used to that if you want to be friends with me.”

“I don’t think you’re boring, I just find you to be…different,” she walked over to one of the seats and got comfortable in the chair. Looking up, she tried to get lost in the moment like Joel was, but her mind was still lingering. “I like it.” 

“So tell me about your birthday. Was it everything you hoped it would be?” Joel almost teased, but when her silence followed his question he cleared his throat uncomfortably. The expression over her face said everything and he felt bad for being silly to begin with. “Did something happen? Are you okay?”

“I uh…he didn’t show up,” she admitted and heard Joel let out a confused sound. Slowly Joel pulled himself up into a sitting position and he wrapped his arms around his knees, pulling them close to his chest. Meeting his worried glance, she shrugged and thought about what to say. “He told me to be ready at six and I waited. I got dressed up like he asked and at first I figured it was just traffic. A few hours passed and I texted him. I called him and I was worried that maybe something happened. Then it was midnight and he still wasn’t there. He showed up close to three in the morning with a cake and this gigantic bear swearing that he had these amazing plans, but he couldn’t get away from Lucille.”

“Fuck,” Joel swallowed down hard and he could tell that by the look in Y/N’s eyes that she was really upset, but trying to hold it together. “I am so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m beginning to think that maybe he didn’t even have plans for my birthday. He kept telling me that he was going to take me to this awesome restaurant right off the water. Then we were going to go to a play that I had been nagging him about for a while and then after that we would have my cake under the stars together where we first slept together,” she repeated what Negan had told her and Joel’s eyes had gotten wider, but he nodded clearly listening to her. Feeling her cheeks flush over, she looked down toward the ground and cleared her throat. “Sorry for being blunt, but it all sounded like such a bullshit story.”

“I’m sure he really did have all that planned and maybe…maybe things did just fall through,” Joel suggested and she let out a tense laugh, looking back to him with a confused expression.

“Why are you defending him?” she tilted her head to the side and he quickly shook his head. “I didn’t even think you really liked him.”

“I’m not defending him. I want to believe that he is the person you have grown to love and believe he is because I want you happy,” Joel admitted and she felt her throat go dry over what he said. “I don’t think what he did was right, but you believe Negan to be this amazing man and he makes you happy. As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters to me. I don’t hate him…I just want him to make you happy. So if believing that’s what really he had planned helps you to feel better, then I want to believe that.”

“Who are you?” she found herself lost with what he said and she lowered her head to let out a long sigh. Why was he so damn nice?

Joel shifted a bit on the floor, clearly not knowing what to say, “…Joel Baker? Professor, writer and occasional smart ass.”

A small laugh filled the air after his response and he let out a relieved breath. It was clear by the way her eyes looked that she had been clearly crying a lot. She looked miserable and he felt awful knowing that she had to go through all she did.

“You’re silly,” she lowered her head and felt an immense amount of pressure in her head. She imagined it was from the congestion from all the crying she had done and she shrugged her shoulders. Noticing the ring on her finger that Negan had given her, she felt her heart sink and shook her head. Lifting her hand up, she could see Joel eyeing it over and she frowned. “He got me this promise ring. Can you believe it? He got us matching promise rings where he has his around his neck on a black string. When they are together they make this heart. It’s funny because a married man got his mistress…a promise ring.”

“From here it looks nice,” Joel complimented it and she knew that he was just trying to make her feel better. While she appreciated his optimism about the situation, she knew that she was still sad and upset about everything. For the first time since she was with Negan she could feel her eyes tearing over and a lump developed in her throat. Joel made a sound where he wasn’t quite sure what to do, but he got up from the ground and moved into the seat next to her. Lifting up the arm of the chair between them, Joel urged her into a hug and she eagerly accepted it. “It’s okay…I’m sure to him he thought the rings were a great idea and for most people they probably are.”

“The ring is sweet, I just…I felt so stupid. He built me up to be so excited. My entire life I just believed my birthday was just another day. My parents never really made me believe that it was meant to be special. Then Negan kept building me up for weeks about how special it was going to be. How amazing his plans were. I turned down my parents on my birthday. I turned down friends and even you to make sure that I was there for him…” she rambled into Joel’s collarbone while he caressed his hand over the back of her head in a comforting touch. “I found myself hoping something was wrong instead of knowing that I was just ditched by him.”

“Maybe he did want to be there,” Joel proposed, still attempting to make her feel better. “Maybe he was being honest, you never really know. Obviously it hurts and I always expect it to, but from what you’ve told me he really cares about you…and the ring is pretty.”

“You’re trying too hard to make me feel better,” she pulled back enough to stare into his bright green-hazel eyes. Joel shrugged and offered up a weak smile. “You are too understanding for someone who went through the opposite of what I’m going through Joel.”

“Well, I am getting your side of everything and I can empathize with your situation,” Joel simply stated with a shrug and he sighed. “It hurts right now and I understand. I’m sure soon your love for him will simply help fade all of this pain away. You should have called me later in the day. I would have picked you up to take you to our diner and then to our overlook.”

“I was too embarrassed,” she was honest about all of it. “I called my parents who had just found something else to do. I called my friends and it was the same. I just assumed if I called you…”

“Oh, that’s where you were mistaken. I have no life, you can call me and I will never be busy. Unless I’m writing or doing something weird like this. I don’t have many friends,” Joel winked and it made her snicker with how mean he truly was to himself.

“I don’t know Joel. I just…he asked for me to wear something very specific, you know? So I’m sitting on the couch for over eight hours waiting for him. In this fancy dress that he likes me to wear. When I’m around him, I’m wearing the things he wants me to wear. I’m doing the things I know he loves,” she rambled and Joel swallowed down hard. “I’m not me…I’m Negan’s version of me.”

“Do you like that version of you?” Joel poked and she thought about it for a moment before nodding. “So then you get to be two totally different people. There is nothing wrong with that as long as you are comfortable with it.”

“I always liked the excitement it gave me, but…” she lingered, her mind getting away with her while she thought about Negan. “I don’t know. Negan made me believe I’m so much more than I am and I got so upset. I hate how hurt he can make me, but I should know better than to feel like this. Hell, I’m in love with a married man.”

“You can’t help being human and having emotions,” Joel pointed out and he took a long moment to think things over. “Is today one of your days with Negan?”

“Unfortunately not, so I’m left to think about things,” she answered and Joel shrugged. “Why?”

“We’ll do the plans I had for your birthday today. The two of us can pretend that your birthday is today. Birthday shakes, birthday burgers and then a birthday hike where we can sit outside tonight for as long as you want. What do you say?” Joel gave her shoulders a firm squeeze and it surprisingly put a smile on her face. “That a yes?”

“I guess so,” she nodded and felt Joel pat her on the shoulder before pulling down from the seat he was in to lay back down on the ground to look up at the star simulation over them again. “Why are you doing that?”

“You’d be surprised how calming it really is,” Joel continued to look up and pat the spot beside him. “You’re welcome to join me.”

“I’m good,” she watched him get more comfortable on the ground again and let out a long, calming sound. Thinking it over, she cussed to herself and carefully got on the ground beside him. “And this does what for you?”

“It helps calm me and makes me think about things. It inspires me with writing and other life choices I have to make,” Joel informed her, his deep southern drawl filling the air. “It helped me realize I was being a total cunt to you last semester and that I need to stop doing it.”

“So we should get Negan in here then to get him to think things out?” she scoffed and Joel smirked, turning his head to look at her while she looked up at the stars. “Do you know he told me that no one is ever going to love me as much as he does? And he said it right after missing my birthday.”

“Ouch,” Joel winced and she turned her gaze to Joel. A breath caught in her throat when Joel reached out to brush the dampness away from her face after she had broken down about Negan. “I’m sure he meant it in a loving way.”

“Yeah, but it kind of felt like he was saying to me…I know I made you sad, but no one is ever going to love you as much as I do so you shouldn’t be upset with me,” she reasoned out his meaning in her head and Joel frowned. “I love him so much, but does that mean I’m unlovable? That I’m so damaged that the only person who could possibly love me is Negan?”

“No,” Joel chuckled, brushing her hair out of her eyes before leaning back to look back up above them. “You’re very lovable; you’re just stuck in a complicated relationship. It’s clear that man loves you, but at the same time he’s going through a very difficult time with his wife.”

“You think I’m lovable?” she huffed and Joel gave a frustrated glance in her direction. “I highly doubt that. You find me annoying.”

“I find you fascinating. You are so welcoming and so kind. When you love someone, you love them with every being of your body. You have one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever seen in my whole life,” Joel’s thick accent filled the air and she found herself charmed by the way he was smiling while he spoke to her. “The better question is…what’s not lovable about you? I reckon you are one of the most lovable people I’ve ever met.”

“You mean that?” she felt her heart pounding inside of her chest when he nodded and looked back up at the projected stars above them. “Even though I’m a mess, you still think I’m lovable?”

“Aren’t we all a mess?” Joel snickered, his amusement heard through the tone in his voice. Joel folded his arms behind his head again and she found herself staring out at him. “Look at me. I’m lying on the floor of the planetarium at the school I work at because I can’t get my ideas to flow for my story. I take enjoyment in the little things.”

“You are a very interesting man Joel Baker,” she stated and he chuckled when she said it. Lifting up on her elbow to stare out at the man she now likely considered her best friend, she found herself lost in the moment. There was nothing she kept from Joel, she told him everything. There was nothing she hid from him and yet he thought she was one of the most lovable people he had ever met. “You should be running away from me…not toward me.”

“And yet…I look forward to every moment we share together,” Joel admitted, his eyes still focused on what he was staring up at. “So maybe we’re both a little crazy, huh?”

After everything that happened, she found herself charmed with Joel. Negan had said things to hurt her, yet Joel was saying all the things that she had expected and wanted Negan to say to her. These were things she dreamt Negan would say to her.

Carefully, she slid in closer to Joel and placed her hand over the center of his firm chest. Joel clearly thought she was attempting to get comfortable beside him so he laid still. When she pressed in closer to him, Joel’s eyes fluttered and shifted to gaze out at her when he noticed her closeness. Tipping closer, she heard Joel swallow down hard before her lips hovered over his. It seemed like Joel wanted to say something, but with the warmth of his lips so close to hers, she felt herself getting caught up in the moment and softly grazed her bottom lip over his. Gradually, she furthered the caress into finally kissing him fully. Compared to Negan, his lips were rougher and his beard was a bit longer than Negan’s so it felt a little coarse in comparison. A breath hitched in her throat when she slightly pulled away from the kiss.

“Y/N…” Joel breathed out and the warmth of his breath made her shudder over him.

When she thought about what she had just done, she attempted to pull back and away, almost horrified with herself before Joel reached out to slide his palm in over the side of her face. There was something in the way he was staring up at her and he carefully urged her back to him to lead her to his lips again. The kiss was slow and lingering. Joel was soft and cautious in the way he kissed her, but with the stroking of his fingers at the side of her face she felt completely at ease with him.

Pulling back, she looked him over and attempted to read the situation. Joel’s lips were agape and he was breathing heavily. His eyes were hooked on hers and his breathing was loud enough to hear. Taking advantage, she lowered her head back down and Joel met her in another kiss when he lifted his head up from the ground. Twisting Joel’s plaid, button down shirt in her hand, she balled up the material at the center of his chest and kissed him harder. Joel’s lips parted and she took control by pressing her tongue into his mouth to caress over his. Reciprocating the motion, Joel curled his fingers around the back of her neck. The taste of Joel was almost sweet in comparison to what she was used to with Negan. A lingering taste of menthol cigarettes was always there when Y/N had kissed Negan, so the taste of Joel was completely foreign to what she was used to.

When Joel’s tongue brushed between her lips and she sucked softly at his tongue, Joel let out a frustrated sound and turned his head away from her, his hand lifting to put a distance between the two of them, “You’re in love with Negan…this is wrong.”

“Right,” she panted and swiftly pulled herself away from Joel. Sitting up, she braced her back against one of the chairs. Lowering her head into her hands, she let out an upset breath while Joel pulled himself up into a sitting position as well. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking about it and…”

“When we’re hurt we do silly things sometimes,” Joel brushed his hands into his dark hair and let out a long exhale. “I just…you were talking about Negan and I think you got caught up. We both did. It shouldn’t have gone as far as it did.”

“You’re right,” she agreed. Her body was shaking and her heart was pounding inside of her chest. It was definitely wrong what she had done. Everything inside of her loved Negan, but with Joel telling her how amazing she was, she found herself getting lost in the moment. Especially after Negan had told her that no one would care for her like he did. With her heart broken after what Negan did, it was easy to let what just happened, happen. “I can’t believe that happened. I am so sorry.”

“It’s already forgotten. Think nothing of it,” Joel waved his hand in the air dismissively trying to move along. “Let’s just pretend it never happened, okay?”

“Are you sure?” she confirmed and Joel nodded, caressing over the sides of his face. His chest was rising and falling heavily while he sat before her. “Do you…still want to hang out with me today? I would completely understand if you didn’t want to.”

“Of course I do,” Joel reached out to pat her on the knee before getting up into a standing position. “I need to shut everything down and then we can go have your birthday getaway.”

“Sounds good,” she feigned a smile and watched Joel walk away.

Silently, she was thankful for a moment away from Joel. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that she loved Negan more than anything, so why in the world had she kissed Joel like that? Hopefully she hadn’t made her relationship with Joel complicated after planting a kiss on him like that. It was a mistake and hopefully he understood. More than anything she was feeling extreme amounts of guilt after doing it. Negan was everything to her, so why had she done that? There was an uncontrollable ache at the center of her chest and she was embarrassed with what she had let happen. If Joel hadn’t reminded her of Negan, just how far would she have let that go?

With the thought of Negan burning in her mind, she felt awful. Was this her attempting to hurt him in her own way? Either way, she knew what she let happen today was wrong and hoped that Joel truly meant it when he said they could pretend it never happened at all.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is tension when the reader/oc has something bad happen to her because of her relationship with Negan. The couple both handle what happens very differently leading to a tense interaction between the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did NOT edit this, so I will be attempting to read through it myself in a few to edit, just wanted to get this up as soon as I could. So if you see any errors, I apologize. I just wanted to get this next chapter out for all of you. Thank you for reading

After a long day of classes, Y/N was eager to get home. It had been an extremely long week and she found herself ready just for a nap. She was hoping today was one of those days where Ghost was tired and just wanted to crawl in bed with her and cuddle. That was a lot to hope for with an energetic puppy, but after the emotionally tolling last few weeks and all the hard work she put into school, she just really needed a day of rest.

Walking up the driveway, she could see that there was a car there and she gave it an odd glance. Moving up the sidewalk, a confused sound fell from her lips when she spotted her mom on the porch waiting for her. A relieved smile expanded over Y/N’s features when her mother looked up at her. For once, this was a nice surprise. It had been so long since she had been able to see her mother and after she had denied her parents’ offer to take her out for her birthday; she was excited to actually get to see her. It wasn’t until now that she genuinely realized how much she was looking forward to seeing her mother’s face. After Negan had ditched Y/N on her birthday, the amount of guilt she felt for not being with her parents was indescribable.

“Mom, it’s so good to see you,” Y/N boasted, moving up the sidewalk toward the front of her house. Gradually her mother stood from where she was seated on the porch and Y/N had wondered how long she had been sitting there. Y/N clung to the backpack that was hanging over her shoulder and flashed a bright smile. There was an urge to throw her arms around her mother to hug her, but something looked wrong and Y/N could feel her heart sinking. Instantly, her mind went to the worst case scenario that she could think of. Why else would her mother show up at her house unannounced looking so unhappy? “Is everything okay? Is dad alright?” 

A moment later Y/N let out a yelp when she felt a firm, unexpected smack across the side of her face. The motion caused her to stumble backwards and she was in a state of shock when she realized that her mother had struck her. Reaching up, Y/N placed her hand over the spot where she had been smacked. Unfortunately, it was a smack that had quite a bit of passion behind it and it caused Y/N’s heart to pound harder inside of her chest. Straightening her posture, Y/N slowly turned on her heel to meet her mother’s glare. The way her mother was breathing showed just how angry she truly was and Y/N let out a tense sound, not sure of what to say.

“Mom?” Y/N simply muttered. It was clear she was confused, but her mother’s response was to roll her eyes and begin to pace. “What’s going on?” 

“What’s going on?” her mother repeated, almost as if she was mocking Y/N for asking that question in general. It seemed like it offended her that Y/N truly had no idea what was causing this outburst from her mother. 

“I don’t know what’s going on, but whatever it is,” Y/N began again only to feel another firm smack of her mother’s palm across the side of her face and she dropped her bag onto the sidewalk. Tears burned at her eyes and she swallowed down hard. Her mother had never truly hit her like that before and she wasn’t even sure how to respond.

“You are a horrible embarrassment to this family,” her mother snarled and Y/N could feel the warmth of the smack radiating through her face. It was stinging and the heat was spreading down her neck. “And to think this whole time I thought we had a good child, but you’re just a dirty little slut.”

“Mom…” Y/N began; feeling like the world was spinning around her as she stared out at her mother. “I don’t know…”

“Don’t you dare lie and tell me you don’t know what this is about,” her mother retorted and Y/N swallowed down hard. “You slept with your father’s best friend?”

“Mom,” Y/N stammered feeling her heart sink. The tingling at her skin made her body feel like it was on fire everywhere and Y/N was attempting to think of what to say to get her mother to calm down. Her mother was glaring out at her and Y/N wasn’t sure what to say. It was obvious that her mother knew about Negan so there was no denying it. There was no lying. It was something she clearly couldn’t hide from. “I don’t know where to start.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Your father and I saw it all,” her mother snorted and Y/N felt like the world was ending right then and there. They saw it? How exactly did they see it? “Your father brings his best friend into the house because he is having troubles with his marriage and you decide that’s the perfect time to sink your teeth into that poor, vulnerable man?”

“Wait, what?” Y/N’s face twisted with confusion. After everything her mother had said about Negan during the summer, the fact her mother was calling Negan a vulnerable man made her so tense. “You’re blaming me for Negan? You’re calling Negan a vulnerable man? You were the one that was going nuts over the fact that he was bringing dates to our dinners. I love Negan, but you know just as well as I do that Negan was sleeping around long before I ever slept with him. I remember walking in on fights with you and dad over the summer because you were disgusted with Negan for sleeping around.”

Silence filtered through the air and Y/N half expected her mother to say something. There were so many things she wanted to say, but she had no idea just what to say. The expression over her mother’s face was something she had never seen before. She couldn’t believe that her mother was so upset with her over this and blaming her for everything that was happening. Stepping forward, Y/N reached out for her mother and attempted to touch her, but was quickly met with another strike against the side of her face. The power caused her to stumble backwards. This hit was harder than all the others, giving her the warning that her mother didn’t want to be touched by Y/N one bit. Tension filtered through the air and the smack Y/N had just received almost knocked the wind right out of her. It took a moment for her to gain her composure and finally face her mother again.

“Negan and I spent a lot of time together over the summer when it was just the two of us in the house together. I know you disapprove, but I couldn’t help falling in love with him. The two of you were always gone and we just…really got to know each other,” Y/N explained, trying to control the way her body was involuntarily shaking, but she couldn’t find it working. Reaching up, she clasped to the side of her face and felt it pinging where her mother had hit her multiple times. “I don’t want to go into details, but…”

“I don’t want to hear it. He was a married man. I don’t care what he was doing with other women, I care about what our daughter was doing with him,” her mother cut her off and Y/N felt herself panicking with how angry her mother was at her. Never had she thought that her parents would actually find out about what happened with Negan, but now that they were here, she never thought this would be the way her mother would react. She almost figured Negan would get a lecture from her mother, not the other way around. “You knew he was married.”

“I didn’t,” Y/N refused, trying to defend herself from her mother’s claims. At first, she really had no idea that Negan was married. That’s why everything hurt so much when he left. “I had no idea that he was married when he was at our home and he never led me to believe otherwise.”

“Bullshit,” her mother grumbled and Y/N had no idea what to say or what to do to get her mother to listen. “We’ve been having Negan over for years. Which means you ultimately met Negan’s wife as a child. You had to have known. I can’t believe this whole time we thought we were raising a good child when you were really just a little slut.”

“I’m not a slut. I’ve only been with Negan,” Y/N replied and her mother didn’t want to hear it. The situation had her mother thinking in a one track, narrow minded view and nothing was going to change it. Her mother threw her hands up, attempting to get the talking to stop all together. “Please…I know you don’t understand, but I’m in love with him. I know this is an awkward situation because of the age gap and him being dad’s best friend, but…”

“That poor man and his wife,” her mother brushed passed her and further down the sidewalk making Y/N’s heart skip a beat. It hurt to hear that her mother had empathy for Negan and his wife, but wasn’t even trying to understand that this all started with Negan in the first place. In her mother’s mind, it seemed like she felt Y/N was the villain in this story and it broke her. “Being seduced by a young girl who tried to ruin his marriage because of a childhood crush…”

“Poor Negan?” Y/N repeated her mother’s words and she shook her head. “He’s just as much at fault for this as I am, if not more. He slept with me knowing that I had no idea about his wife. He was the one that led me on. He was the one that made me fall in love with him. If you want to feel bad for Lucille, I understand, but Negan was the one seducing me the entire time…”

“I don’t care to hear what you think happened. I just don’t want to hear any of this in general,” her mother announced, moving forward and pushing Y/N aside. Following her mother to her car, Y/N watched her mother pull open her trunk. Panic flooded through her veins as Y/N watched her mother begin to toss Y/N’s personal items over the front lawn. They were some of the things she had still had in her bedroom when she had left for school and she was confused why her mother was doing all of this. “Your father and I want nothing to do with you.”

“Mom, please stop…” Y/N begged while her mother continued to recklessly throw Y/N’s things over the yard. Hoping this was a scare tactic; Y/N tried to appeal to her mother and reached forward trying to pull her mother to face her. If she just could get her to listen, maybe her mother would just give her the time of day to explain. “I just can’t help who I’ve fallen in love with mom. I’m sorry and I understand that’s embarrassed you, but I love him.”

“Love? You really think you are in love with Negan?” her mother almost mocked her with a laugh and Y/N swallowed down the lump that developed in her throat. Why did people act like this every time she spoke about loving Negan? There was something she felt with Negan that no one else had ever made her feel. People were so quick to judge her, but she was confused. Why was it like this? “You’re a sad little girl if you think you have anything with Negan.”

“If you would just listen, I could tell you,” Y/N attempted and her mother threw her hand up in the air to cut Y/N off.

“I don’t give a shit,” her mother continued to throw all of her things out of the car before slamming the trunk closed. “All that’s on the front yard is all you are going to have. Everything else at the house your father and I decided you didn’t deserve. Most of it was something we paid for and we don’t think you deserve those things anymore. Not after what you’ve done to us.”

“What have I done to you?” Y/N reasoned with her mother not understanding what was happening. “The only people that know about Negan are the two of you. I’ve not done anything to publicly embarrass you, so don’t you think this is a bit extreme?”

“We’re done with you,” her mother announced and Y/N found herself shocked with her mother’s confession. “We never want to see you again. Do you understand me?”

“No, no I don’t,” Y/N immediately spoke up and felt an anger growing inside of her. She was crying and she couldn’t help it, but she had a hard time understanding where this was all coming from. “No one is going to know about Negan. Your friends won’t judge you. It won’t get out at work, so where is this coming from? Why are you both so upset that this happened? It doesn’t make sense.”

“You don’t have the right to tell us what we can and cannot feel,” her mother retorted with a scowl and Y/N felt her body absolutely trembling at this point. “As far as I’m concerned, we no longer have a daughter. What I did here was a gift for you. Your father didn’t even want me to come here today. He just wanted me to drop you completely. No warning. No explanation, no nothing. When I say we’re done, I mean we’re done.” 

“Mom, don’t you think this is being a little ridiculous?” she begged, reaching out for her mother, but was quickly pushed back and away by her mother. “I can’t believe you are letting his turn you into something I never thought you were. I always knew that the two of you wanted to control my life, but this…I don’t understand in. Would you rather me ruining my life sleeping around with everyone here at school? I’ve been with one man and I understand you don’t agree with it, but wouldn’t you rather me be with someone I loved? Someone I trusted?”

“I don’t give a shit what you do, but you should have thought about the consequences before you let all of this happen,” her mother insisted, folding her arms in front of her chest while she glared out at Y/N. “We’re no longer paying for school. We’re not going to pay rent for this fucking house and we never want to see you again. You are on your own. You are cut off and this is the last time you are ever going to see us, do you understand me?”

“So you want me to starve on the streets and have absolutely nothing?” Y/N almost screamed and she couldn’t find it in herself to actually calm down at this point. Her mother had her so worked up and her heart was hammering away in her chest. It was causing her arms to go numb with how upset she was. “I embarrassed you and this is what I get? I get thrown in the ditch because of it?”

“You are a spoiled fucking child and you always have been,” her mother answered and she shook her head. “After everything we’ve done for you, after everything we’ve given you…this is how you decide to repay us?”

“Mom, I swear I never did this to embarrass you. I understand that I made a mistake in your eyes and I get it, but this isn’t like you,” she pointed out knowing her mother would have never done something like this in the past. “I’m not asking for your money. If you want to cut me off, fine. I never want your money anyways, but I love you. I love you and dad so much. You don’t need to write me off because you both mean so much to me.”

“We don’t care how you feel,” her mother alerted her with a firm tone. “As far as we’re concerned, we never had a fucking child…”

“And what about Negan? Is dad going to write off Negan too?” Y/N scrambled for answers when her mother moved around the car in an attempt to leave. “Am I the only one being punished for this? For falling in love with a man that loves me too?”

“Please…” her mother laughed and moved back around the car to step before Y/N. “You really think that Negan loves you?”

“He does,” Y/N corrected her mother and she nodded slowly. Everyone made it seem like a joke when she mentioned being in love with Negan and she hated it. It made it seem like she wasn’t good enough for Negan and people were always trying to make a mockery out of her feelings. She knew how she felt and she also knew the way Negan treated her. Negan wouldn’t have done the things he did if he didn’t feel for her, so she hated hearing this kind of response from people. “He constantly tells me that he loves me.”

“I’ve known Negan longer than I’ve known you,” her mother began with venom in her tone. “That man has been fucking anything that moves for as long as I’ve known him, but one thing has always stayed the same. That’s how he always goes back to his wife. There is only one thing that man loves and that’s his penis, but if he were capable of loving someone it is his wife. You…you’re just an embarrassment.”

“So does this mean I’m right? Dad isn’t going to write off Negan, but I’m written off?” she confirmed and her mother gave her an odd expression. It was shocking to hear that they blamed none of this on Negan and were still willing to have him in their life, but not have their actual daughter in their lives. Y/N was their flesh and blood, but they didn’t seem to care. “What sense does that make? I’m your daughter.”

“And you knew better. We know the kind of person Negan is, but you…” her mother shook her head and moved back around the car. “You pretended to be something you weren’t the entire time. We’ve already turned off your phone and closed the bank accounts. I hope you’re happy with yourself and what you’ve done.”

“So just like that? I’m not welcome in your life anymore?” Y/N sobbed and her mother shrugged, throwing her hands up in the air. Y/N couldn’t believe that her mother was so eager to write her off like this and not even be affected by it. “Because dad’s friend seduced me and made me fall in love with him? I’ve been with one my man my entire life. I’m not sleeping around. I’m not being a slut, I’ve just been with Negan and that’s worth writing me off forever?”

“You embarrassed your father and me,” Y/N’s mother confirmed and she let out a tense sound. “We never…want to see you again.”

“Mom, you don’t mean that,” Y/N denied those words and watched her mother get into her car. Stepping forward, Y/N grabbed onto the window that was open on the side of the car and lowered enough to look at her mother. “I’m sorry, okay? But…this is extreme. You know I love you and I’m sorry. I don’t want your things and I don’t want your money, but I love you and…”

“Let go of the window,” her mother warned and Y/N heard her mother’s anger. “If you don’t let go of the window, I will pull out of here and hurt you.”

“Please…” Y/N begged again, but her mother was not lying. A moment later she felt her body tugged forward and she released the window before she could fall over onto the cement. Without a second thought, her mother peeled away and Y/N felt like the world was closing in around her.

Looking to her things that were thrown all over the front yard, she just collapsed. When she thought about her parents finding out about her and Negan, she thought her parents would be upset, but she never thought they were going to cut her off completely. Covering her face, she cried and felt her chest aching. She wasn’t sure what happened, but this was the last thing she truly thought would happen with her parents.

Instead of contacting Negan or Joel, it took her hours to finally get all of her things in the house and she stayed to herself. Sitting in the corner of the living room after everything that happened, Y/N just found herself lost in all of it. Her world was completely altered now that her parents had done what they had. She wasn’t kidding when she told her mother she didn’t want their money, although…now everything would be different. She could no longer go to school. She couldn’t afford her half of the house with Negan.

While her parents had never been what she considered good parents and most of her life was spent ignored, she had truly loved her parents. The fact they were so willing to cut her off had her completely confused and it hurt her. Never in her life had she really been a bad kid so the only thing she ever did wrong was fall in love with Negan in their eyes.

It took a long time before she finally got up and moving again, but she was at a complete loss on what to do. She stayed to herself and found herself wishing like hell that this was a nightmare. That this was something she made up in her dreams, but it wasn’t. She tried calling her parents from the landline, but neither one of them answered. They were sticking to their guns and she wondered if it would always be like that.

The next day she still decided to go to class, even though she felt like she had been hit by a truck. She was wondering if it was even worth it at this point after her mother told her she would no longer fund her going to school. It was hard to focus in her class while the presentation was going on. Today she had already received messages from both Joel and Negan, but ignored them both. Something just didn’t feel right in writing either one of them right now. Especially Negan.

After her class, she headed out to go to her next one and dropped her bag at her side when her eyes connected with Lucille sitting by the fountain on campus. Suddenly, everything began to make sense when she saw Negan’s wife sitting there, clearly waiting for Y/N.

Y/N’s heart began to pound inside of her chest and the adrenaline flooded through her veins. Moving up to Lucille, Y/N lowered the hood to the sweatshirt she was wearing in class to keep others from seeing how upset she had clearly been.

When Lucille spotted her, an arrogant smile expanded over her features and Y/N shook her head, “You are a wretched bitch. I should have known that this all had something to do with you.”

“Oh, so your parents got the video? So glad to hear,” Lucille announced with a satisfied sound. Y/N’s fists clenched at her sides as she stared down at Negan’s wife and she felt her breath catch in her throat. She was an idiot to believe that Lucille wouldn’t do anything. This whole time Y/N just assumed Negan was right about Lucille. That her bark was bigger than her bite, but Lucille bit and when she bit she went for the jugular. “Of course I sent it to them anonymously so there isn’t actually any proof that connects me to what happened with them.”

“Wow,” Y/N let out a tense sound as she contemplated what to actually say. “Negan believes you are such a wonderful woman that would never do anything to hurt anyone else. I didn’t believe you would actually do this with how highly Negan thinks of you…”

“I told you to break up with Negan or I would ruin your life,” Lucille reminded her and Y/N let out a hesitant laugh. “You’re fucking up my life so I have no empathy for whatever happened to you. You deserved whatever you got.”

“I deserved my parents writing me off completely where they told me they never wanted to see me again?” Y/N snapped, her eyes tearing over as Lucille stared out at her. After Y/N’s outburst, she could see Lucille’s smile slowly fading and Y/N shook her head. “You are a cruel son of a bitch. My mother showed up with all my things that she thought I deserved and told me that my father and her never wanted to see my face again, but don’t worry…they didn’t blame Negan what-so-ever. In fact my father plans to still be best friends with him, but me…as far as they are fucking concerned they never had a daughter. I deserved that?”

“That’s…that’s not really what I thought they would do,” Lucille admitted with a long sigh, clearly not happy to hear that that’s how things went down. “I kind of just assumed they would yell at you and force you to stop seeing Negan. Actually I assumed Negan would get told off too. I didn’t think…”

“Like you give a shit,” Y/N barked and shook her head slowly. “Like you said, you have absolutely no empathy for me.”

“I can’t control that your parents are…awful. How was I supposed to know that they would do that? Most parents would usually just lecture their child and make them stop,” Lucille reasoned with Y/N, standing up from where she was seated. “You just wouldn’t take the hint, even after my warnings. I told you to break up with Negan and you didn’t. I warned you.”

“You sure did,” Y/N swallowed down hard and looked down toward her feet. “Thank you for that.”

“I guess this last month hasn’t been that great for you, huh?” Lucille commented and Y/N could feel her cheeks flushing over with warmth. “First you have a really shitty birthday and then your parents completely write you off. I guess when you do awful things, you get payback.”

“Wow,” Y/N nodded realizing that Lucille clearly knew what day her birthday had been and had made sure to ruin the day that she was meant to have with Negan. Y/N stood there for a moment. More than anything she wanted to rip Lucille a new one, to give her a piece of her mind, but when she realized the kind of person that she was fucking with, Y/N reached for her bag and threw it over her shoulder. “You are an awful person.”

“That’s comedic coming from you,” Lucille rolled her green eyes and Y/N felt like she was about to explode.

“I don’t think I’m a good person, but when you told me you thought you had cancer I made sure not to tell Negan a thing,” Y/N shook her head and let out a sigh. “I didn’t want to cause you more trouble than I already had, but I shouldn’t have even bothered.”

“And suddenly I’m supposed to be thankful for that?” Lucille’s head tilted to the side. “You think I give a shit what you did to make my life less miserable? You’re still with my husband and have no plans of ending things with him.”

“I’m done,” Y/N walked away from Lucille and could hear Lucille gathering her things while quickly following after her. “I have to get to my next class. This is my last semester since I’ve been written off completely and I should finish things off right. I hope you are genuinely happy with the things you’ve done. Having my parents do what they did definitely made a point and I won’t forget what you’ve done. So thank you for that.”

“Like I said, to be fair…I didn’t know what your parents were going to do,” Lucille called out and Y/N turned on her heel to look back at Negan’s wife.

“You just thought it would be a good idea to send a video of my father’s best friend fucking his daughter to my parents?” Y/N pointed out what Lucille had done and she could see the color draining from Lucille’s face. “I realize I’m not a good person, but I could never imagine doing that to someone.”

“You can’t judge me, you’re fucking my husband,” Lucille snarled and Y/N nodded. “I had my reasons to do what I did.”

“Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better,” Y/N went to walk away and she heard Lucille call out to her.

“You know that Negan is just with you because he feels bad about himself, right? You make him feel better about himself,” Lucille tossed the idea out there and Y/N stopped to listen Lucille. Even though she knew it would get her no further in life and whatever Lucille had to say would probably upset her more, Y/N listened. “We were fine for a while until Negan couldn’t give me a baby. Anytime Negan feels like less of a man, he goes out and finds someone that makes him feel better about himself. You’re just there to make Negan feel like more of a man. He can get the young girl and make her fall head over heels for him. You rub his ego and make him feel good about himself. I know my husband. I know how he feels about things. He’s filling you with false hope for something more, but there is never going to be something more.”

Taking in what Lucille said, Y/N nodded and went to move forward before Lucille started speaking again, “You know…I have kind of a personal question for you…that video I saw, that was porn level fucking between you and Negan. It was fucking. Merely that. One of the last fights I had with my husband was over the fact he always wanted to make love to me. He wanted to be silly and sweet with me. He wanted to make it special for me and I told him just to fuck me like he did his other sluts and it pissed him off. When Negan sleeps with me, he wants to make the scenario perfect and romantic. He wants to make it perfect every time. I got sick of it. Does Negan try to make you feel special? Is it always about making love to you?”

Looking down toward the ground, Y/N felt her face getting hot at Lucille clearly trying to get her fired up about Negan. For most of her relationship with Negan, it was always hard sex. It was rough, it was animalistic and while Negan on occasion had made lover to her, it was actually pretty rare between them. That’s why those moments were so special for Y/N when they happened. While they were always very connected, a lot of things always felt very sex oriented.

“My husband doesn’t love you, he’s just happy to be getting young pussy,” Lucille dug in further what she believed Negan truly felt. “I almost feel bad for you for believing that you actually think you have something special with Negan.”

“And I feel sorry for Negan because he genuinely believes he’s married to a good woman,” Y/N finally announced and she looked over her shoulder at Lucille. “I think he’d be so disappointed to find out the woman he is really married to.”

“And what does that mean?” Lucille called out, “You think Negan will actually believe that I’m the person that sent that video? There is no proof of it other than your word and you think he will actually believe you? My husband is only with you because he can’t get me knocked up so he has to find positivity in his life somewhere else. You’re a phase and the fact you can’t see that…that makes me feel bad for you.”

Ignoring Lucille, Y/N walked off and went to class late. She was done with dealing with cruel people and she couldn’t handle it anymore. Clearly Lucille wanted to continue to fight and Y/N just didn’t have it in her.

Later that night when Negan had showed up at the house for his day with Y/N, she had unloaded on him about everything that happened with her parents. Negan sat there and listened to everything she was saying while at the opposite end of the couch. There was no doubt that he was paying attention to her because his hazel eyes never left hers.

“We can fix this,” Negan suggested after she got done telling him what happened with her mother and Negan let out a long exhale. “Maybe it had something to do with the cloud and when I sent it to you, they somehow got it too. All I have to do is talk to them and then…”

“Negan, they made it clear they have no problem with you, it is me they have problems with,” Y/N explained reaching up to wipe at her eyes to get the dampness from them and she let out a shuddering exhale. Her mother made is clear that her father still wanted Negan in his life because they ‘knew’ who Negan was. “My mother made it clear that her and my father never want to see me again.”

“They are just shell shocked right now and shit. They don’t fucking mean it,” Negan tried to assure her and he could hear her start to cry again. Scooting across the couch, Negan reached out to wrap his arm around her shoulders. This was never a topic he thought he would have to approach with Y/N anytime soon. Hell, not for years. Negan always felt like he was so careful and truly wondered what he had done for it to happen like this. “Don’t worry about it, okay? I’ll take care of the cost of the house and I’ll pay for the things they took away. I’ll get you a phone and then I’ll pay for your school.”

“You can’t afford my school,” she reminded him and Negan shrugged his shoulders. This wasn’t why she had vented to Negan. She didn’t want his money. She didn’t want anything from him other than to share her feelings with the man she loved. “You’re married and you could never be able to do that.”

“I can…” Negan swallowed down hard, reaching up to rub at the side of his face with his free hand. Negan’s fingers dragged through his short beard and he clearly was thinking of something to say. “The house will be no problem and fuck…with the school I’ll sell the car.”

“No,” Y/N denied his offer immediately as she reached up to wipe at her face. “You love that car and you worked so hard to get that car. I couldn’t do that to you.”

“I don’t care, I love you more than that car,” Negan insisted, reaching out to caress over the side of her face. “I’ll pay for everything that I can. I’ll take care of you and I promise. I caused this fucking mess with your parents, I will make sure to take care of you.”

“This is on my parents, not you…” she shuddered and she could feel that her body was still shaking. All the stress was building inside of her and she really had no idea how to handle all of this. The ache her body was feeling was incredible and not in a good way. Everything hurt, but she just felt like she had been hit by a car…several times.

“No, this is my fault,” Negan admitted, pulling his arm from around her shoulders and he shook his head slowly. “I knew it was wrong to go after you, but I did it anyways. If they don’t wake up, it’s my responsibility to take care of you and I will. I don’t need the mustang. I have a truck already. The mustang was just the little kid in me wanting what I’ve always wanted, but I have more than that with you by my side.”

“Fuck,” Y/N lowered her head feeling her chest ache when Negan said it. The words her mother and Lucille had said were swimming around inside of her head for so long that Y/N truly had thought Negan felt nothing for her. Yet hearing what he had just said really knocked her off her feet. Was this how Negan really felt or did he feel like he had to do this to help her? It had honestly confused her after the fears her mother and Lucille had implanted into her head about Negan. It was such a sweet saying, but maybe he felt obligated to say what he did. “Some days you are the most amazing man in the world that says the sweetest, kindest things and others…I just wonder if I’m here to make you feel better about yourself.”

“Why would you say that?” Negan tilted his head to the side and cracked a smile. Of all the things for her to say, that just seemed…odd.

“I need to talk to you about something,” Y/N claimed, hating that she was letting it get to this, but she had to talk to Negan about everything. Negan deserved the truth, even if it was exceedingly late. Maybe if she would have been honest with him from the start, none of this would have ever happened in the first place. Negan could have taken care of it and her parents would have never been involved. “I need you to promise me that you won’t get mad.”

“Why am I going to get mad?” Negan’s right eyebrow perked up and he shrugged his shoulders. The look she gave him showed him she was expecting him to promise and he snickered. With an opening like that, he wasn’t really sure what to say, but he was going to give her what she wanted. “Okay, I won’t get mad.”

“It was Lucille that sent the video to my parents Negan,” Y/N informed him and Negan’s smile expanded and he shook his head like she was joking. There was a clear sense of denial flooding in Negan’s mind while he gave Y/N a shifty eyed glance. “Negan, Lucille found me and she threatened me that if I didn’t tell you that I was breaking up with you that she would ruin my life. She’s the one that sent my parents the video.”

“That’s fucking bullshit,” Negan denied the claim she gave him and he shook his head. A half laugh fell from his lips and his brow line tensed. There was a clear uncomfortable nature in the way he was standing before her when his hands rest in over his hips. “Because if that was the case you would have fucking told me that because you are supposed to tell me everything.”

“She made me feel guilty Negan about her potentially being sick. I just figured…” she watched Negan’s hands rise to cut her off and she felt her throat go dry. So far it seemed like Lucille was right and smart in making sure that it couldn’t lead back to her. Negan wasn’t going to believe her about Lucille and that hurt. “Negan…”

“You’re going to go immediately to blaming Lucille for this?” Negan snapped and she felt her chest tightening while she stared out at him. It was obvious he was frustrated with what she was saying and just didn’t want to believe it. “For all we know it could have been your boy Joel since you tell him every fucking thing.”

“Oh yeah, it was Joel. He snuck onto my phone, somehow figured out my passcode and sent the video you sent me of us fucking in the bowling alley to my parents. That theory makes total sense,” she blurted out and shook her head. “What the hell kind of shit would Joel gain from that?”

“I just know it wasn’t Lucille,” Negan held his hands up in the air and blew off Y/N. “I don’t know why you have it in your head…”

“I don’t have jackshit in my head Negan, it’s true. She showed up at my school and threatened me with the video on her phone. Told me she had the video for a long time, but never thought anything of it because you are a fucking cheater,” Y/N recalled her interaction with Lucille and Negan’s breathing got heavier. “What really made her think more about it was the fact you kept sneaking off. That you were always on your phone. She found me while you were looking at a photo book together. She found me at my school Negan and threatened me. Told me that I had to break up with you and I wasn’t allowed to tell you why. She told me if I didn’t that she would ruin my life. So yeah, your precious little wife really is capable of all of this. She sent the video of us fucking to my parents. So while you think you are safe, Lucille knows how to get into your phone Negan.”

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” Negan’s nose wrinkled and it was clear that he was angry with how things had turned out. “You’re supposed to be honest with me about everything. If this really happened you should have come to me immediately.”

“I was going to tell you. I called Lucille to meet up with her again. I told her that I wasn’t going to leave you because you were everything to me. You were my happiness and the only thing that would actually ruin my life was losing you,” she admitted and Negan gave her a glare as he stood up and paced. The way he paced made her uncomfortable and she moved over toward him. “I told her I was going to tell you and she brought up her being sick. Made me feel guilty and I figured since I already put her through so much that I wouldn’t tell you. I just thought she would say something to you, but…”

“That’s not your decision to make. You should have told me because that was my fucking wife,” Negan snapped and she felt her heart hammering inside of her chest. “You had no right to keep that from me.”

“I’m sorry, I know,” she tried to explain and Negan turned on his heel, burying his face into his hands. A loud groan escaped his throat and she could tell that he was upset. “She did this Negan.”

“And you have proof that she did?” Negan confirmed and Y/N threw her hands up in the air. Of course Lucille had to be right about this and Negan didn’t believe her. It was why she was so proud of herself that there was no proof that she had actually sent it to Y/N’s parents. It hurt that Negan didn’t believe her. “Show me the proof.”

“She found me at school again and came to gloat about it,” Y/N recalled and could see Negan’s jaw flexing while he stared out at her. “She was very proud of herself for what she had done and said a lot of nasty things, believe it or not.”

“It’s hard to believe it because you are basically explaining a woman that I don’t know. Sure, she’s been fucking aggressive with me, but I don’t see her being the kind of person that would purposely ruin a young girl’s life like this. I don’t see her sending a sex tape to someone’s parents,” Negan threw his hands up in the air and she felt her heart begin to pound faster in her chest. “Lucille just isn’t that type of person.”

“So you think I’m lying?” she looked Negan over and he tilted his head the side and let out a loud huff. “Wow, this is great. Maybe you just don’t know your wife like you think you do Negan.”

Turning away from Negan, she started to head for the stairs and heard Negan following her not far behind, clearly not ready to end their discussion. When she had moved for the bedroom, Negan slammed the door shut and forced her to turn to look at him.

“It’s not that I don’t believe you, it’s just hard to picture,” Negan insisted with a bit of a growl in his tone. While he wanted to believe Y/N, there was still the fact that he had known Lucille most of his life and she never seemed like the kind of person Y/N was claiming her to be.

“Do you know both your wife and my mother were insistent that you don’t love me?” she informed him and Negan bit at his bottom lip while his hazel eyes stared into hers. It was words that were repeating in her head. While she wanted to push them aside and pretend that it wasn’t true, the fear of what they were saying be true still resonated strongly in her mind. “Apparently, according to your wife the only reason you are with me is because you couldn’t get her knocked up and you needed someone to make you feel good. I’m just a phase. Every single one of them made me the bad guy. Told me that I’m just going to be left because if one thing was for certain, it was that you always go back to your wife.”

“I love you, they don’t know what they are talking about,” Negan stated with a long sigh and he lowered his head to look down toward the ground. Giving it a moment, she realized that Negan actually seemed worried and she half laughed moving into the bedroom. “What?”

“They are right, aren’t they? I really am just a phase?” Y/N tried to confirm and Negan shook his head. The way he was acting made it seem like he was more concerned with Lucille actually knowing about the two of them being together than he was with what happened to her. It wasn’t at all the way she thought he would react after he had told her so many times in the past that he wanted to be with Y/N after he found out that Lucille would be okay. “Negan, I don’t think you are upset about this, I think you are upset that Lucille knows that you are with me.”

“Well it is fucking concerning that she knows and hasn’t said anything,” Negan responded with a hesitant sound. In the past if she would have found out that he was cheating, she would have never just stood back and done thing. If what Y/N was saying was true, then Lucille was doing something that scared him and was completely unlike her. “What’s her plan?”

“To ruin my life so she can have you all to herself?” Y/N answered and Negan frowned, folding his arms in front of his chest.

“How much did she fucking know?” Negan was tense and he seemed nervous as all hell. “Like, does she know everything about the two of us?”

“I don’t think so. I just think she knows that the two of us are sleeping together and you are interacting with me a lot,” she recalled everything that Lucille had said. It was pretty clear that she had no idea how close Negan and her truly were. “I don’t think she knows we have the dog or live in the house together. I just think she knows we’re…close.”

“Are you sure?” Negan confirmed holding his hand up as if being cautious with the idea.

“Pretty sure Negan, but I think we have some bigger things to worry about here,” Y/N snapped, not exactly appreciating that he was lost on just how much Lucille may or may not know. She knew and that was the point of it all. Why did it matter how much she actually knew? “They all blame me for this. When it was you to begin with that was coming for me and seducing me. Apparently the person who is mostly to blame is innocent.”

“You know…you weren’t telling me no,” Negan reminded her and she tilted her head to the side, giving him a confused look. Why did he have to go and say something like that when she was stressed about the situation? “You could have told me no when I was coming onto you, but you liked it.”

“I never said I was innocent in all of this because you know how I feel about you,” she scoffed and could see that Negan appeared to be angry with her even after he promised he wouldn’t be. “What is going on here Negan?”

“I don’t know. It kind of seems like you are offended that they are putting all the blame on you because you think all the blame should be on me,” Negan replied, tossing his hands up again while he spoke. “I can’t help your parents are assholes.”

“I never said you could,” she retorted with a frown. The way that Negan’s face twisted both with confusion and fear really brought forth the things that her mother and Lucille had said. Maybe Negan didn’t love her like she loved him. “Negan…do you still love your wife?”

“I told you I’ll always love Lucille,” Negan answered firmly and he reached up to brush his fingers through his hair almost in a nervous sweep. “But I’m not in love with her like I am you. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that.”

“Yet you didn’t believe me when I told you what she did,” Y/N grumbled and Negan half laughed. Negan’s hands slid down to his hips and he stood in front of her with a tense expression. “Are you really with me to punish her Negan? Are you sleeping with me because you are upset that you couldn’t get her pregnant, so that’s why I’m here? I just make you feel better about yourself.”

“That’s a stupid question,” Negan rolled his eyes and let out a dramatic sigh. “Clearly I care about you. I offered to sell my mustang to help you go to school. If it was all about Lucille, I wouldn’t do that. I think you need to get your shit together a little bit here. I wouldn’t do half the shit for you that I do if I didn’t fucking love you.” 

“Well according to her you couldn’t finish the deed so you’ve been sleeping with me because I’m young and I’m building your ego,” she dug her words in, repeating what Lucille had said to her. It was something that had stuck with her and Negan’s face scrunched up when she said it. “Apparently you’re just not man enough to…”

“Watch it,” Negan cut her off, lifting his hand to point out at her. There was a vein protruding at the side of his temple and it looked like he was trying to hold back his anger on her.

“Are you serious? This isn’t stuff I’ve said. It’s stuff that your precious wife has said,” she almost mocked him and Negan stepped forward. The sound of his breathing was loud and she could tell that he was angry with her. “Is this love or infatuation Negan?”

“Listen, I don’t know what fuck you’re getting at, but I know what I love,” Negan snorted and she snickered. It was an uncomfortable laugh. She didn’t actually find this amusing. More so she was confused why he was so upset with her when she was being honest with him and sharing her fears of everything that was happening. “Maybe you’re the person that needs to ask yourself that question. Are you in love with me?”

“I’m not the one that’s married,” she pointed out and Negan’s angry smile expanded over his features and he nodded slowly. “Would you even be here with me right now if you were able to get her knocked up? I mean you were attempting to still get her pregnant while dating me. What would have happened if it had worked? I can’t imagine having a child with that woman, she is vile…”

“Stop,” Negan ordered and she felt him cornering her in the bedroom. It wasn’t often that Negan intimidated her, but right now he was. The tone of his voice and the way he was looking at her wasn’t really normal for Negan and she didn’t know how to respond. “I understand that some bad shit went down between the two of you and eventually we will deal with that, but you’re still talking about my best friend. The woman I’ve been with since I was a kid.”

“Wow…” she looked up at Negan and could see the way his hazel eyes were full of anger. After the way that Lucille treated her, she almost expected Negan to think differently of Lucille as well, but he clearly wasn’t. It was vile to send a sex tape to someone’s parents and the fact he wasn’t seeing what she was like really upset her. “You were never planning on leaving her, were you? This whole time it was just a bunch of bullshit to keep me hanging on. What she did to me was wrong and if you think it’s not then you are just as bad as her. You know she told me she purposely ruined my birthday.”

“You ruined your own birthday,” Negan scoffed, placing his hands on the wall beside her and she felt suddenly closed in with him blocking her off like he was. “You were acting like a child. You knew what you were signing up for when you got with me. You knew this was a possibility. I pour my fucking heart out and get you something special. Instead of being thankful you have to fucking whine.”

“You don’t regret doing what you did on my birthday, do you?” she swallowed down hard and could see Negan’s eyes narrowing out at her.

“I felt fucking awful about it actually, but you sure as hell made me feel fucking terrible after what happened. I’d say we’re more than equal after everything,” Negan answered her with a huff and she snickered, clearly offended that he thought they were equal after what he did for her birthday. Negan felt her try to move around him and he grabbed a tight hold of her jaw to push her back into position. “I was so proud of what I had done for you and I found a majority of the cake still left over in the fridge. The giant teddy bear I got you is just sitting there in the corner of the living room and you don’t appreciate the rings at all.”

“You have no idea how I feel about the rings. I’m wearing the ring, aren’t I?” she held her hand up to show that she was wearing his promise ring and Negan gave her a glare. His eyes surveyed the ring before he licked his lips tensely. “Yeah, I find it to be a weird concept when I know that I will never be yours Negan, but I wear it because I love you and you mean the world to me. As far as the cake, how do you expect me to eat a giant sheet cake all on my own when you are rarely here lately? As far as the giant teddy bear, what do you expect me to do with it? It scares Ghost. Do you think I should be sleeping with it in bed at night? Pretend it is you when I’m lonely and alone in bed at night?”

“You have an answer for everything, don’t you?” Negan’s eyes stared into hers and they were hooked on her. “It still doesn’t change the fact that the way you acted about the rings hurt me.”

“Oh, my bad,” she tried to place her hand over his chest to place a bit of distance between the two of them. There was an immense amount of heat filtering through her face and she felt uncomfortable with him towering over her. “Maybe if I would have thrown a glass at your face we would have been better off.”

There was a silence between them when Negan’s eyebrows perked up and she found herself angry as hell that Negan was getting mad at her over the fact she had dissed Lucille. The fact he was so mad at her when Lucille had in fact thrown a glass at his face in the past was bothering her. Reaching up to shove into the center of Negan’s chest, she heard him wince, but he didn’t move, “You’re lucky to have me you know because I have a big heart and when I love, I love with everything that I am. Anyone would be lucky to have me. Other people would love me too. You said no one would love me like you do, but someone out there might want me to be their one and only. Someone out there might…”

“Stop,” Negan rolled his eyes and shook his head while she rambled on about the things that he said that clearly upset her. “The only thing you are is what I’ve made you. Before me…what were you? You were just some shy, innocent virgin girl. It took me breaking you out of your shell for you to even get notice from people, so zip that ego in the ass because I don’t need to hear how lucky I am to have you when I made you.”

“Wow,” she found herself shocked with what he had just said and she lowered her head. “I thought you liked me for who I was.”

“I did, but I made you perfect,” Negan answered with a snort, reaching down with one of his hands to urge her chin up to him. “You were cute. You were charming and I wanted you, but now…look at you. You have confidence. You know you are a beautiful and you catch people’s attention. Look at fucking Joel. The guy is fucking fawning over you. Do you really think that would have happened if you weren’t the you that I made you?”

“Be honest…do you love me more than you love Lucille?” Y/N found her body shaking while Negan stood before her with a snide expression over his face. “I should have known you weren’t an honest man when I found out you were married. You keep feeding me with these bullshit lies and you never follow through. You never do and for some reason I just keep falling for it. I lost everything for you and because I loved you I let it happen. Yet what have you lost Negan?”

“I love you, but what the hell do you expect from me? You meet Lucille once and you decide to be cruel to me, just like she is? I put up with that shit enough at home, I don’t need that shit from you too,” Negan felt her push him again and he squeezed tighter at her jaw, slamming her back into the corner making her wince when he did it. “You want to tell me how awful I am? Let’s talk about you. The young girl that knows I’m fucking married yet you continuously sleep with me and have an affair with me. What are you? Because you sure as hell aren’t fucking innocent.”

Negan’s hand hooked with her throat and she heard him breathing hard. Her eyes stared out into his and he huffed, “If you continue to treat me like this, what do you expect to happen? I was fully prepared to leave Lucille for you because of how you made me feel, but lately you’ve just been making me feel bad. You want me to find someone else? Give someone else this life? You’re easily replaceable Y/N, so don’t forget everything I’ve done for you.” 

“You are such an asshole,” she could feel her anger getting the best of her and she managed to get her hand loose enough to firmly hit Negan in the abdomen causing him to double over, letting out a pained groan. Going to move around Negan, she felt him shoving into her from behind, knocking her to the ground firmly as he fell on top of her. Her hand connected with the side of his face smacking him firmly and he grunted when he felt her clawing at the side of his face. They both had clearly gotten heated in their argument and were fighting for dominance over the other.

Negan hissed out loud as he reached for her hands and slammed them down on the ground. Her whimper filled the air as he glared down at her. The look in her eyes showed she was angry and full of hate while he had her pinned down.

“You are a naughty fucking girl,” Negan scowled and could see that she was breathing heavily while staring up at him. The grasp he had on her wrists tightened, making her wince and a wicked smirk pressed in over Negan’s lips. “You just want to be rough with me, huh?”

“Shut up,” she grunted, hearing him laugh and he lowered in closer to her making her breath catch in her throat when his lips hovered over hers. “Negan…”

“What?” Negan bit at her bottom lip, giving it a firm tug and an involuntary moan fell from her throat. A moment later, her lips met his in a sloppy kiss causing him to groan against her lips when she did it.

Tugging at her wrists, she managed to pull them free. Negan grunted when she tugged at the bottom of his shirt to push it up his body. Desperately her hands seemed to palm up and over his abdomen, toward his chest and back. There was something different in Negan’s eyes while he stared down at her amused. She didn’t give him long to judge her when she rose up to kiss him again. Working on getting open his belt, she wasted no time in unbuttoning his jeans and unzipping them when she finished parting his belt. Negan huffed when she managed to force the material down his hips. After, he moved swiftly in getting her pants from her body before lowering back over her. Urging her thighs up closer to him, he moved over her powerfully and reached down to tear the material of her panties away from her body. A frustrated gasp fell from her lips, but before she could respond he was inside of her within seconds. It was a forceful, fluid movement that caused her to clasp tightly to his shoulders and whimper. Thrusting roughly over her again and again, he felt her fingers tugging roughly at his hair and he growled out loudly.

The smacking of their skin filled the room with how hard he was fucking her and he could hear her crying out with every forward thrust he made inside of her. Reaching up with his right hand, he grabbed a tight hold of the base of her throat and heard her wince when he applied some pressure to it. Negan’s thrusts became slower, but sharper while he held tightly to her throat. Her eyes closed from the tension and when they did, he loosened up the grip and she shook her head.

“No…” she urged his hand back to her throat and got him to tighten his grasp.

The one thing she was used to with Negan lately was the pain and feeling the pain was one of the only times it made her feel completely alive. It was a strange feeling and she knew it, but it was what she wanted. Maybe it was her punishing herself in her own way, but it’s what she felt like she deserved.

Her body tensed up when Negan started urging his cock into her harder and faster. The wet sounds filled the room as she clung tightly to his body.

“You just wanted me to fuck you really hard, huh?” Negan questioned, demanding an answer when he tugged harder at her throat. Something that resembled a gasp fell from her lips when she nodded and Negan shook his head. “You could have just fucking asked you little sex freak. You didn’t have to say such awful things to get me to fuck you like this.”

The power of Negan’s hips smacking up against her caused her to whimper with every movement while his body pounded inside of her. The stretching of her body around his was uncomfortable, but still was unlike anything she had ever experienced before.

“What is with you and fucking pain?” Negan grunted, forcing his entire length into her. Her head dropped back, her body arching up almost trying to instinctively pull away from him, but he wouldn’t let her. Negan reached up with his free hand and smacked at the side of her face again making her cry out. “Do you like hurting people? Huh!?”

The smacking of their skin got louder the harder Negan moved and she could feel her vision blacking over. With the grasp of Negan’s palm over her throat being as tight as it was it made it hard to breathe. Desperately she wanted to gasp for the air she was being deprived of, but she could feel a liquid warmth building up in her core. This was unlike any other feeling she had ever had before when having sex with Negan. It was strange how having him choking her like he was only enhanced the pleasure of everything that was happening. This was definitely something she was going to be feeling the after effects for a while with how rough he was being, but in the moment it all felt so amazing. With the smacking sounds of their flesh filling the air it was further driving her crazy and she could feel her body start to shake. The sound of Negan’s sharp breaths and moans were like music to her ears and it was clear that Negan could sense that she was on the verge of an orgasm with the way he was thrusting inside of her. The beginnings of her orgasm crashed over her as Negan continued to fuck her through it. The sensation of the tip of his cock hitting her g-spot again and again sent her through one of the strongest orgasms she had ever had. A proud sound fell from Negan’s throat and she felt the warmth of his breath over her lips while he kissed her.

“Fuck…” Negan threw his head back, a growl falling from his lips when he clearly came inside of her after bucking up against her a few more times. Negan’s palm released her throat and the loud inhale of her trying to breathe in was heard. She coughed to try and get the air back into her lungs while Negan rest in over her. His lips were kissing over the side of her jaw and she felt an ache at the center of her chest when thinking about what had just happened. 

Reaching up, she used what strength she had to push Negan from over her and whimpered when his body pulled from inside of her. Negan dropped to the floor beside her on his back, lying stretched out while he tried to catch his breath. His legs were still tangled with hers and Negan let out a tense laugh when he looked over at her. The way his chest was rising and falling showed it was quite a workout for him too and he licked over his lips. There was something in the way his arrogance spread over his face that caused her to almost get angry with him. Negan was proud of himself with what he had done, but for some reason she felt dirty about all of it.

“You’re fucking wild…” Negan groaned out and she swallowed down hard. Negan lifted his head up and looked over his damp body, reaching down to caress over his abdomen and up toward his sweaty chest. “I never realized how much you fucking liked rough sex. If that’s what you would have wanted…we didn’t have to go the fighting route.”

She said nothing, just laid in the center of the floor feeling sorry for herself. Negan was right. She was sleeping with him knowing that he was a married man. She was living together in a home with him knowing that in another part of town he shared a home with his wife. Maybe this is what she deserved. While she yearned for the romance and to have Negan make love to her, this was the side of Negan that she got. It was clear he cared for her, but Negan wasn’t out for romance with her. He liked fucking her and he made that very clear. 

Her heart was hammering in her chest as Negan moved onto his side. Negan reached for her face and grabbed a tight hold of it, forcing her to look at him. Negan took notice of the mark that was left from him smacking her and he moved in to press soft kisses over it. Wincing when he kissed over a certain area, Negan hushed her and continued to pepper her cheek with kisses.

“You know I do love you, right?” Negan pulled away, his eyes searching hers for a moment. He could see tears pressing in over her eyes while she looked away from him and he made an awe sound. Reaching for her jaw he turned her forcefully to look at him and shook his head. “You know I love you. It’s just…you shouldn’t hurt people like that...you know? Yes, I love both of you and I can understand your frustration, but you know how much you mean to me. You shouldn’t treat me like that.”

“How can you love me and love her at the same time?” she finally breathed and Negan tipped in to press another soft kiss at her cheekbone. “Maybe it’s time you just…stayed with her.”

“Now why would I do that?” Negan chuckled, tipping in to firmly bite at her bottom lip and she whimpered out. Negan hummed when he dragged his tongue out over her lip before flicking his tongue between her parted lips. “I want to be with you as soon as this is over.”

“But I can’t stay waiting forever,” she reminded him and Negan laughed. Negan caressed over the side of her face and she could feel her chest aching more by looking up at him. “I’m in love with you Negan.”

“Which is why your first statement is bullshit,” Negan whispered with a tight breath. He was still panting and she couldn’t blame him. Her body ached, her pulse was racing and the room honestly felt like it was spinning around her. “You’ll stay waiting until I make you stop.”

Negan’s grin expanded over his features and his comment hit her like a bag of bricks. Negan knew that he had her. That he was the one in control of the relationship. He had her hooked so hard that she would never be able to leave him.

“We’re meant to be together,” Negan assured her, pressing soft, delicate kisses over her lips. “And you are always going to be mine.”

“But…” she began and Negan hushed her, reaching up to press his fingertip over her lips to silence her.

“Whatever you say, you know it’s bullshit. You wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if I wasn’t here…” Negan pointed out with a heavy sigh. “Which is why we are going to get over this. We love each other and nothing is changing that, right?”

Negan brushed his fingertips through her hair and she swallowed down hard. It hurt to admit it, but Negan was right. Nodding, she felt awful when the amused expression pressed in over Negan’s features. The weight of his body crawled back in over hers and she felt him kissing her time and time again. If anything, this all made her feel bad. What if this thing would never be over? Would she always be stuck waiting for him on the sidelines? It was obvious Negan liked her agreeing that they would always love each other. “That’s what I thought. I will always fucking love you, but you’re just going to have to keep waiting until I’m sure of everything. Then…only then can we be together.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan's actions wear heavy on the reader/oc and she makes some decisions to attempt to make herself feel better while Negan finally does something that he never thought he would be able to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading!

Standing at the end of the street Joel lived on, Y/N found herself frozen in contemplation. A few days before, she and Negan had their tense interaction that led to them fighting. All she could think about was how Negan told her that she would be waiting for him for as long as he made her wait. That no one would have liked her for the way she truly was and she found herself having a few days long chest ache. Her heart hurt and as of late she had been thinking things over consistently. She spent a lot of time alone, but then thought about her best friend and how often she would turn to Joel. She hated throwing all of her dirty laundry on him, but he was the one person that could make her think clearly about things and she needed him.

It was night and she began to pace down the street toward his house. It had taken her longer to actually go and see him because she was debating whether or not she should go to him when she was this upset. The last thing she wanted to do was make him upset too with how emotional she was. It was a buildup of a few days and she could only imagine how she would come off toward other people.

When she finally got up the nerve to make it to his home, she heard the sound an acoustic guitar and the sounds drew her to the porch where she saw him sitting on the swinging bench. Joel was deep in thought, strumming a simple tune on his guitar and she knew he didn’t notice her. Waiting, she watched him and listened to him play. There was something in the way he was playing and looking that was different about him. 

“Hey there stranger,” the sound of her voice was weak as she reached the bottom step of his porch and it caused Joel to jump. Joel gave her an odd glance and set the guitar aside, resting it against the house while he stared out at her with his green-hazel eyes. Her eyes surveyed him and noticed that he was clearly relaxed for the night because he had his button down shirt undone toward the middle of his chest which drew attention to the dark hair over his olive colored skin. “I’m sorry for bothering you, but I could really use someone to talk to right now.”

“Hey, yeah…” Joel leaned forward on the swing and brushed his hands through his messy hair. It was clear probably from the way her eyes looked that she had been sad and upset. Joel motioned her up onto the porch without question and urged her in closer to him. “Something wrong?”

That was a loaded question and Y/N felt terrible, but she absolutely unloaded on him about her parents, Lucille and Negan. Joel hardly said anything while he listened to her, but his eyes were hooked on hers and she had his undivided attention. When she was done, Joel let out a heavy exhale and he rubbed at the sides of his face.

“Let me ask you…what’s bothering you the most?” Joel tried to understand everything that was going on. “I understand this is a lot of shit that is going on and I reckon that all of it is bothersome, but if we want to fix some things we really should focus on one thing at a time. Unless it is everything that is bothering you equally and then we have to figure that out together.”

“Sadly, it’s pretty much everything and it’s just a big ball of mess,” she admitted and Joel’s eyes shifted from her. He was clearly thinking about everything while he lowered to rest his elbows over his knees and rocked softly on the swinging bench. Leaning against his porch, she didn’t really know what to say. She told Joel everything and she didn’t know why she unloaded like she did, but she just had to talk to someone. Being stuck in her own mind was the worst. “I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Yeah, it’s a lot to take so I can imagine,” Joel agreed with her and let out a loud huff. “So we know that there is nothing you can do to fix the situation with Lucille. She is something on her own and the best you can do is to try avoiding anything with her. Stay out of her crosshairs and just avoid her.”

“Well, I wasn’t planning on reaching out,” she pointed out and Joel’s jaw clenched, but she could see he was truly thinking everything out for her. “I’m just a mess; I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Listen,” Joel waved her on, motioning her to take a seat next to him on the bench. At first she shook her head, but Joel gave her an expression that made her slowly move forward to sit beside him. “You’re human. Unfortunately, all of this just dumped on you at once and it’s hard to take all of it in when you are doing your best just to keep your head over the water.”

“I feel like it all happened because I decided to stay in a relationship with a married man. I know you aren’t a big enough jerk to admit it, but this is all my fault,” she acknowledged, looking away from Joel. She felt bad telling him everything she did, especially when he was someone who had been cheated on in the past. She never really took into consideration what this could be doing to him since he was on the side that Lucille was on. “I just don’t know what to do. I’ve given up everything to be with Negan it seems and it feels like he has lost…nothing.”

“That’s not how love is supposed to be,” Joel retorted, his eyes shifting while his jaw clenched. While he was attempting to think of a way to help her, he didn’t really know where to start or what would help her feel better. “Have you tried calling your parents?”

“I have and nothing,” she responded causing Joel to stretch and crane his neck. There was silence for a few moments and he let you a tense sound. “I think they were serious when they said they were kicking me out of their lives.”

“That’s not a parent at all. As someone who lost my daughter I can tell you that they are extraordinarily lucky to have you and they are so stupid for letting something like this ruin that,” Joel supportively reached out to squeeze at her hand. There was a long silence and she swallowed down hard. She appreciated him saying that, but she truly wondered if she was good at all for anyone. “Listen, I’ll pay for you school and if you need a place to stay you can move in with me.”

“I couldn’t do that to you,” she denied immediately, holding her hands up in the air to add to the emphasis of her answer.

“Seriously Y/N, I have more money than I know what to do with. This home, I got it because I liked the water, but this is a big home and I rarely use most of it. You will have more use for the rooms than I do,” Joel insisted, simply shrugging his shoulders like it was no big deal. “You’re a smart girl, you deserve the chance at a bright future and if I’m able to help you, it would be my honor.”

“You worked hard for that money,” she reminded him and Joel’s face scrunched up when she said that.

“I wrote because it helped me get my mind off things. It’s not really working hard for the money,” Joel reminded her and he shook his head. “If I don’t use the money it is just going to sit there. You going to school will make it go to something meaningful. And the last thing I want is you on the streets. It would be nice not being alone…”

“You put up with me enough as it is Joel,” she snorted knowing that he was being extraordinarily nice.

“I don’t put up with you, I care about you. Those are two totally different things,” Joel stated and leaned further back into the swing. “As far as Negan, I don’t know why he says the things he does because he is also lucky to have you. The way you talk about him is phenomenal because it is clear that you love him. People just say things when they are scared and my guess is that’s what’s wrong with him. His wife knows he’s been fucking around and I think he wanted to be the one to drop that bomb on her if he ever did.”

“Negan offered to pay for my school and my half of the rent as well,” she informed Joel with a loud swallowing sound. “Apparently he’s going to get me a new cell phone too, I just…I don’t know what to do. I kind of feel like I’m his hidden person he has on the side. I feel like I’ve been secluded to only him and…”

“Do you still love him?” Joel stammered and she let out a saddened breath. She didn’t have to even answer to let him know how she felt. “That’s what I thought. You have to find a way to work things out then. Negan clearly cares about you, but I think the main problem here is that he’s just scared. If you wait it out, I’m sure you’ll get the things that you are looking for. A lot of men wouldn’t offer to give up something they’ve always wanted to help others. Him offering to sell his car is a big deal.”

“Yeah, but the things he said…” she thought about how he mocked her that she’d never leave him because he was everything to her. “I don’t know why he says them.”

“You pretty much said that he’s in an abusive relationship with Lucille,” Joel recalled rubbing his hands together as he spoke. “I’m thinking that because she treats him so awful, it doesn’t help in the way that he thinks. I think he got used to the way she talked to him that maybe he doesn’t see how the things he is saying are kind of mean. When we say things like I’m the person who will love you the most, sometimes we think that means something special, but we don’t realize how cold it might actually be. I think he was scared and that’s why he was acting the way he was.”

“So you don’t think he thinks I’m just some pathetic girl?” Y/N inquired and Joel was quick to shake his head. “Why do you feel that way?”

“As a writer, you kind of have to know people to get into their minds and write them,” Joel explained letting out a tense sound as he stretched out his arms and his neck. “I think he’s scared he’ll lose you, but I also think he’s scared of how Lucille will react. Negan is a coward.”

“Wow,” she let out a shocked sound after Joel said the first mean thing really about Negan that he had ever really said.

“I hate to say it, but it’s the best way I can explain to you why he’s being the way he is. We men…we aren’t very good with our emotions and telling people how we feel,” Joel informed her with a snort, his eyebrows furrowing while he spoke. “You’re perfect and he’s afraid of losing you because he thinks sooner or later you’re going to realize he’s not.”

“But I’ve never even hinted that I didn’t like him the way he was. The way he is acting now is the first time I’ve ever thought badly of him,” she sighed knowing that she was regretting bringing up Lucille to Negan in the first place. “He tells me that he loves me more than Lucille, I just don’t know…”

“Love is hard,” Joel turned his head to look out at her and his eyes seemed to be scanning her over. “A lot of us are too much of a coward to tell people how we really feel about them. We’re scared of rejection. We’re scared that people don’t feel the same way and it’s a waste, so we take it out on ourselves or the people we are closest to. Human beings are weird…”

“You’re telling me,” she reached up to wipe at her eyes when they started to tear over and she wanted to avoid crying again, especially in front of Joel. He would undoubtedly comfort her, but if she got crying again she felt like she wouldn’t stop. “Are you okay if I use the restroom?”

“Of course, go ahead,” Joel gave her an empathetic look and she got up to move into his house.

It took her a while to gather herself. Standing in front of the mirror in one of his bathrooms she tried to convince herself that everything would be okay. She had to be strong for herself. Instead of letting all of this swallow her whole, she needed to let everything happen and take it on one step at a time. It was just hard because she needed to be strong, but at the same time she just wanted to fall apart. She was lucky. She had two men offer to help her so no matter what she knew that she wouldn’t end up on the streets, she just didn’t know what to do.

Finally leaving the bathroom, she found herself good enough that she didn’t think she would cry about everything. Moving toward the porch again, she took notice that the door to Joel’s office was open and she looked over her shoulder to make sure that Joel wasn’t there before moving inside. On his desk she saw that his journal was open and the desk light was shining on it. Moving across the room, she let out a sharp breath when she saw the sketches that were on the pages and it took her breath away.

Looking down at the opened journal, she reached out to trace her fingers over the main sketch that Joel had clearly done of her. The sound of him playing the guitar again outside was heard and it drew her to look away from the journal for a moment. When she heard him humming along to the sound, she looked to the journal again and reached for it.

Picking it up, she looked at the sketches finding herself in awe of what Joel had drawn of her. They were so well done that she took notice that it was her immediately. Lowering the journal down, she bit down on her bottom lip and thought about everything that was taking place. She so badly wanted to prove Negan wrong. That someone else cared for her and that she wouldn’t be stuck waiting for him forever. With the sketches she realized that Joel had to be thinking of her more than he gave off. Especially since this was what he was clearly working on before he had gone outside on the porch.

Swallowing down hard, she headed back outside and stopped at the doorway to watch Joel playing the guitar. For some reason, she just wanted to prove Negan wrong so bad. There was someone out there that was willing to give her attention and maybe Joel was that man. Negan was so convinced that he had her all to himself, but there was Joel. She had to prove to herself that she wasn’t solely just Negan’s or that she was so pathetic to just hold out for Negan until he was ‘ready’ for her.

“You really are amazing, you know that?” Y/N spoke up, finally alerting him to the fact that she was there watching him. Joel lifted his eyes to look at her and smirked before going back to playing with the guitar. “You’re the complete package.”

“I’m really not,” Joel replied with a snort. “I’m a loner that stays to myself and hates most of the world. I’d rather be writing because then I don’t have to really interact with people.”

“Who needs people?” she smirked, moving across the porch to take a seat next to Joel while he continued to play his guitar. She was impressed because in the past Joel was nervous to play around her, but he was playing so confidently and it sounded amazing. “You really are something else.”

Sliding in closer to him on the bench while he began to softly sing the song he was strumming, she could feel her heart hammering inside of her chest while she took advantage of the moment. When she got closer, his singing gradually lowered and he fumbled a bit with the strumming. Leaning in, she took in the scent of him causing her breath to etch over the side of his neck and he shuddered. Taking a moment, she listed to Joel fumble through playing the guitar before depositing a soft kiss over the side of his neck. Joel’s breath caught in his throat when her lips began to caress over the side of his neck. Not long ago the two of them had kissed, but they both had done everything in their power to avoid it and pretend like it didn’t happen. Yet, here they were…

“You are so talented,” she slurred against the side of his rough neck and Joel had stopped playing his guitar while she did it.

“Y/N…” Joel breathed out when her tongue flicked over his skin. “I think…”

“You think too much,” she cut him off and nipped at his flesh making a groan escape his throat. Reaching for his guitar, she pulled it from his hands and set it down carefully before pulling her body in closer to his. “You need to turn off that big brain sometimes.”

“Listen, I don’t think now…” Joel grunted when she bit at the side of his neck making him inhale sharply while her hand started to caress over his thigh. It was hard to focus while she slid her hand up his thigh toward the center of his pants. “You are upset and we should just talk.”

“There he is…” she breathed after sliding her palm in over the front of Joel’s jeans and he closed his eyes tightly while she palmed in over his length, attempting to determine his size. The fact that Joel was hard told her that he was enjoying what she had been doing and a proud smile expanded over her lips. “He’s so hard…”

“You shouldn’t be doing that,” Joel reached for her wrist and he could see her pupils dilated while she looked out at him. “You’re just upset with Negan and…”

“I know what I am,” she flattened her palm out over his length again and very slowly teased her hand back and forth over his erection. Joel’s eyes were hooked on hers when he swallowed down hard. “It doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the man in front of me for how amazing he is…”

“Moments like these shouldn’t be decided when you’re upset,” Joel insisted, his breath hitching in his throat when she squeezed over the shape of his erection through his jeans and Joel’s head tipped back. “Shit.”

“Your mouth says one thing and your body says another,” she found herself impressed with his body and continued to rub over it. “Am I really so bad for touching you when Negan was sleeping with his wife for most of our relationship? How is it fair that he can be with two people, but I can’t at least experiment?”

“We’re friends,” Joel tried to reason with her again and she cracked a smile.

“Then shouldn’t friends help each other? I don’t mind making you feel good,” she replied with Joel’s chest rising and falling heavily. Standing up from the bench she reached for Joel’s hand and hooked her fingers with his. Tugging him up, she led him back into the house and to his office. Urging him down on the couch with a shove, she heard him grunt and carefully lowered herself over him. Straddling him made him let out a tense breath while she slid her palms in over his muscular shoulders. “Don’t you want to make me feel good?”

“Of course I do,” Joel answered, his fingers curling around the back of her neck while he looked up at her. Drawing her closer to him, Joel met her lips in a soft, delicate kiss and the moment made her feel tense. Joel was so sweet and sincere…so different from Negan, but that’s sadly not what she wanted. She just wanted to feel better. To prove that someone else would want her and that she could move beyond Negan, easily. Just as easily as he told her she was replaceable. The caress of Joel’s lips over hers took her breath away while his fingers caressed over her body and she almost found herself getting lost in it. “I just want what’s best for you…what will make you happy.”

“Right now, this is it,” she informed him with a small whimper when she pulled herself more in over his lap. “So just sit back and enjoy it.”

“I just…” Joel went to speak again and her lips forcefully covered his. With each flick of her tongue over his, he realized all of his reasoning was flying out the window. Groaning into her mouth, Joel felt her tugging roughly at his hair and he grunted with how firmly she was moving over him.

Joel’s palm slid down her body and gripped firmly to her hips making her let out an amused sound when he loosened up. The caress of Joel’s palms over her hips felt nice before he palmed in over her bottom giving it a firm squeeze.

“You’re getting grabby,” Y/N muttered and Joel’s hazel eyes lifted to hers. It almost looked like he was looking for permission and she reached for his hands leading them up her body to slide in over her breasts. “I like it.”

Breathing out sharply, she closed her eyes and took in the feel of Joel’s hands caressing over her breasts before sliding down her body. The caress was delicate and Joel was clearly taking his time to appreciate all of her. Reaching for the bottom of her shirt, she tossed it aside and could see by the expression in Joel’s eyes when she opened hers that he was taking in all of her. It was clear that Joel was admiring her body and it was different than the way Negan looked at her. Joel looked at her with complete awe while Negan looked at her more like an animal that was about to pounce on her.

“Wait,” Joel watched her reach behind her for the clip in her bra and Joel slid his hands up to cup her face in them, “You don’t have to do this.”

“I want to do this,” she informed him, getting the clip undone. When the material fell down her arms, she could feel her heart race as Joel’s eyes looked her over. Delicately, his hands lowered and slid in over her sides. A sharp breath fell from her lips which caused Joel’s green-hazel eyes to lift to make sure she was okay. Honestly, she was terrified. The only man she had revealed herself to was Negan and she wasn’t exactly the most confident person that Negan had led her to believe.

“You are so beautiful,” Joel informed her, leaning up to meet her in a slow, drawn out kiss. Joel’s thumbs teased over her ribcage and traced over the skin in slow, circling sweeps. The sensation caused her to shudder and Joel took his time to make sure she was comfortable with what he was doing. When his fingertips teased over the underside of her breasts she shivered and Joel pulled away somewhat. “I have to tell you…it’s been a long time since I’ve been with someone.”

“It’s okay,” she hushed him and Joel shook his head.

“No, I mean…it’s been like a really long time,” Joel tried to explain, but his worries were cut off when her hands led his toward her breasts again so he could test the fullness of them with the roughness of his palms. Her soft moan caused his lips to part and he groaned when he felt her grind over him. The skin to skin contact with her sensitive flesh caused her to let out a whimper and she could sense that Joel was nervous in the way he caressed over her body.

“Kiss me,” she ordered and Joel nodded, leaning forward and she shook her head. A wicked smirk pressed over her features when Joel swallowed down hard after she pulled her mouth from his. “Not on the lips.”

“Yes ma’am,” Joel licked his lips and slid his palm in over the small of her back. This wasn’t something she was used to in giving the orders. That was often Negan’s job and it was different to be in the position Negan often was. Listening to her order, Joel began to pepper her collarbone with kisses before lowering down. The delicate flick of his tongue over her breast was felt making her whimper and Joel’s eyes glanced up to look at her. His short beard was a bit longer than Negan’s and the coarse hairs caused her to shudder while they teased over her flesh. “Are you sure?”

“It’s okay,” she tried to assure him and she knew that she was trying to prove to herself that she could be with someone other than Negan. After what he had said to her, it really made her feel bad wondering if she would always be alone waiting for Negan. Reaching down, she pulled apart the button in Joel’s pants and unzipped them. Dipping her hand beneath the material of his jeans and boxers, her hand connected with his length and she started to pump her hand over his body. His moan vibrated against her breast and it caused her to lean into him.

Joel took his time kissing over her breasts, pampering her like she was asking him to while she jerked him off. A slurping sound filled the air when Joel pulled his mouth away from her body and leaned up to kiss her, but she urged his mouth to her neck to kiss her there. Closing her eyes, she realized that she was picturing Negan and cleared her throat uneasily. It was unfortunate that all she could think about was Negan when she had someone as perfect as Joel underneath her, doing what she asked of him.

Pulling her hand from Joel’s pants, she crawled further in over his lap and hooked her arms loosely around his neck to steady herself.

“Wow,” Joel breathed while she began to slowly pull apart the buttons of his shirt. Taking a moment to trace over his muscular torso, she found herself in awe. Negan’s body was nothing like this and it was impressive just how well Joel took care of himself. The way Joel shuddered when she touched him felt great because she could tell that he was appreciating every touch and every caress she had over his body. Leaning in, she liked the warmth their skin to skin contact had and Joel’s eyes were hooked on hers. The way he was looking at her was honestly so sexy in comparison to what she was used to with him.

Joel slid down on the couch, his legs spreading while she started to rub herself up against his groin. Joel’s head tipped back and he moaned out. Her body was desperate for the friction and while her mind may have not been in this, her body certainly didn’t mind it. “Y/N…I don’t think…”

“I thought we talked about this, stop thinking,” she wrapped her arm around his shoulders and hooked her free hand into his messy hair. “Just let it happen.”

“This is…” Joel grunted, looking between them. His jaw lowered and he could feel his body tensing up with how hard she was grinding over him. Joel’s hands slid up her body and he felt like he was on fire. His groans filled the air and their deep breaths were matched up together. “This feels wrong.”

“No,” she denied his words and tugged firmly at his thick hair, her lips meeting his to try and get him to focus on her and not his worries. “This feels so right.”

“Wait…” Joel moaned, his hands grasping tightly to her hips while she rocked over him. “Stop…I’m going to…I’m gonna…”

A groan fell from Joel’s throat as he tossed his head back against the couch, the veins in his neck protruding. Joel’s face flushed over with red and he let out a disappointed sound when she looked down between them realizing what had happened. 

“Fuck…” Joel carefully pushed her from over his lap and he quickly reached for the pillow beside him letting out an embarrassed sound. “I’m so sorry. I’m…”

“It’s okay,” she tried to insist hearing the disappointment in his voice since he was clearly upset with himself. While she realized he was uncomfortable, she could feel her body still shaking with the anticipation of all of this that was happening. “This kind of stuff happens.”

“I haven’t been with someone in a very long time and I…shit…I can’t believe I did that,” Joel watched her reaching for her shirt to put it back on and he dropped his head into his hands.

“It’s a compliment. I was able to make you that excited and…” she tried to reach for him and he cussed to himself, pulling away from her. “I don’t mind Joel.”

“But I do,” Joel grunted, still having a hard time looking at her after what happened. “You should probably leave.”

“Please, don’t be ridiculous Joel,” she tried to persuade him and he let out a frustrated breath. “I’m not bothered by it.”

“You are this beautiful, young girl and I just came in my pants,” Joel blurted out and she let out a long sigh. She was attempting to get her body to calm down with how excited it had gotten after their interaction. “What kind of impression does that make on someone like you?”

“I really don’t mind. We can wait and then try again?” she tried to suggest and Joel got up from the couch, keeping the pillow over the front of his pants. “Joel?”

“Stop, we shouldn’t have even been doing this in the first place,” Joel shook his head and his face was still flushed over. “You only came here because you were mad at Negan. You were mad at Negan and you were using me to get back at him. You don’t want to do this. You don’t even like me.”

“Of course I like you,” she tried to reason with him and he gave her a glare. “Of course I love Negan, but I’m attracted to you.”

“Because you have a type!” Joel pointed out knowing that on multiple occasions people had compared him to Negan. “I look similar to your boyfriend and I get it. I’m here, I treat you right, but this isn’t fair for me. I actually like you Y/N. I like you and you come here and do this to me…”

“I just thought,” she stammered and Joel shook his head. They were just making out; she really didn’t think that he would take this so seriously. 

“We weren’t thinking,” Joel cut her off and clutched tightly to the pillow in front of him. “You don’t want me. You want Negan and by doing this…I don’t even know what you were trying to prove to yourself.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, watching him move over toward the other side of the room to drop down on the chair in the corner of the room. “You like me? Like…like me like me?”

“Obviously,” Joel retorted with a grunt. “I think the world of you. You are the first person that has walked into my life that has made me feel…alive again for the first time. I love talking to you. I love spending time with you and no matter what I do…I’ll never be Negan. I’m just some cheap knockoff for you and that’s all I’ll ever be.”

“Joel, I like you,” she explained with a heavy sigh.

“Not that way I like you,” Joel pointed out with a hard swallow and she felt lost for words. Before this she had never really thought much about how Joel felt about her. She just thought they were best friends and that two friends could honestly do something like that with each other. “Just go make up with Negan. That’s really what you want. I’m just the friend you want to come and vent to. If that’s the relationship you want, I’ll give it to you because I really do care about you, but please…don’t do this to me. You took advantage of the fact that I’m attracted to you. I love being your friend and I want to be your friend, but I just can’t do this. The last time I loved someone they destroyed me. I can’t…I can’t do that again.”

“I never…” she lifted her head to look at his computer on his desk. At the top of his desk she saw the Polaroid they had taken together was there. Clearing her throat uneasily, she realized that she had let her hurt feelings really take control of her and avoided all the signs. Earlier when she walked in and saw the journal with the sketches of her, she should have realized that Joel really cared greatly for her. She hadn’t even spotted the Polaroid of the two of them together on his main computer for him to clearly see every time he was working on something. “I never realized how you felt.”

“And that’s fine and I want to be there for you, but I can’t have you using me for your foil against Negan. I can’t be the person that you use to feel better when he makes you feel bad,” Joel almost whimpered and she felt her chest ache at his comment. “You’re always going to love Negan and I’m okay with that, but it’s cruel to do this to me. I want to be your friend, I do and I’m not upset with you for this happening, this is my fault. I should have never let it get this far, but I can’t be the foil.”

“I’m truly sorry,” she apologized again, realizing just what she had done. A sense of embarrassment flooded over her. Things were going wrong and she may have potentially just fucked up the only good relationship she actually had left. “I hope you can forgive me…”

Before Joel could say anything more, she quickly moved out of his home and down the steps of the porch. While she was extremely comfortable with Joel and loved spending time with him, she never realized truly how much he cared for her until then. It wasn’t fair to him what she had done and he was absolutely right. Even though she was extremely desperate to prove Negan wrong, what she had done was wrong and she knew it.

* * *

Sitting on the couch in his living room, Negan found himself waiting for Lucille wake up and he was staring down at his phone. He had texted Y/N multiple times and she wasn’t responding to him. Swallowing down hard, he got more comfortable on the couch and opened the gallery on his phone flipping through the photos on his phone of the two of them together. Negan could tell that he was upset about how things had been going and he let out a frustrated sound.

When the sound of the door opening was heard, Negan’s head lifted and he saw Lucille moving down the stairs and Negan cleared his throat. Before she even made it completely down the stairs, he spoke up, “We need to talk.”

“I’m going to get some food ready for work tonight,” she announced and moved for the kitchen, but Negan called out to her and she saw him nod toward the couch. “What?”

“We really need to talk,” Negan urged her and he leaned forward on the couch, closing up his phone while he stared out at his wife. Lucille gradually took a seat and there was silence between them for a moment. “Why did you do it Lucille?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Lucille brushed her dark hair back over her shoulder and her green eyes looked sincere while Negan tilted his head to the side. “Negan, I swear…”

“Stop bullshitting a bullshitter,” Negan demanded, his eyebrows tensing together while he spoke. “I know you did it.”

“So the bitch finally squealed on me, huh?” Lucille’s posture became much looser as she let out a long sigh and dropped back against the couch.

“She’s not a bitch,” Negan shook his head and rolled his eyes when he heard his wife easily crumble under his urgings. “I imagine it had to be really hard to learn what I had done, but…that was really cold Lucille.”

“Is it though? I mean the girl was fucking her father’s best friend which is kind of fucked up,” Lucille blurted out and Negan swallowed down hard. This wasn’t exactly the way that Negan wanted to admit to his wife that he was having an affair, but he had to find out why she thought it was okay to do what she did. “She’s sleeping with a man knowing he’s married.”

“Okay, so I’m not going to lie to you,” Negan started and she let out a sarcastic laugh.

“That’s a first,” she snorted and looked down toward the ground after Negan rolled his eyes.

“We both know our relationship was fucked up. We were really bad and I know I’m not a good husband. I’m sorry; this is not putting the blame on you at all, but…” Negan started to think about what had happened before he had ended up at his friend’s home during the summer. “I ended up at their home and she really had no idea that I was married.”

“You would say anything to protect her, wouldn’t you?” Lucille snorted and Negan found himself at a loss of words.

“No, I’m going to be very honest with you. After she told me what happened I was an asshole because I refused to believe that you would do what you did,” Negan informed her and Lucille tilted her head to the side. “That’s not you. That’s not you at all. So I treated her like shit and I’ve felt bad for it ever since. If you were in her position you probably would have told me as soon as the other woman approached you. Y/N was attempting to keep you from more pain and only just told me that the two of you had been talking which also pissed me off too.”

“And?” she simply stammered.

“Why didn’t you come to me when you found out I was cheating? Why send a video of the two of us having sex to her parents?” Negan was confused, his body tensing up while he spoke to his wife. “It was mainly my fault. I pushed this relationship so hard with her and she was this pure, innocent…”

“Do you love her Negan?” Lucille asked and Negan tilted his head to the side. There was a long silence between the two of them before Negan rubbed his hands together.

“Yes,” Negan answered honestly and Lucille almost gave him a shocked expression when he nodded. Normally he would be quick to apologize when he was caught cheating and he would make excuses, this time he wasn’t going to do that. “Yes, I do.”

“No, I don’t think you do. I think you are obsessed with the idea of her because you having this innocent little virgin girl makes you feel big,” Lucille snapped and Negan could tell that his answer truly upset her. “This is just one of your phases Negan.”

“It’s…it’s not,” Negan shook his head and let out a long sigh. This was not at all how he pictured this going, but he had to be honest and now that he was with Lucille talking to her finally about what he had kept from her for so long, he just found himself being honest. “I love you Lucille, but who are we kidding? Our marriage has been fucked for a very long time.”

“So you are still only with me because you are afraid I’m sick, aren’t you?” Lucille spoke up and Negan didn’t know what to say and she let out an upset sound. “Well that’s fucking bullshit Negan.”

“That’s not entirely true, okay? I do love you; I care about you very much. If I thought that the two of us could make things better…that we could be good together again, I wouldn’t be having this discussion with you,” Negan explained and he pulled himself closer to the edge of the couch trying to think of what to say, but he knew no matter what he said that it would end up being awful. “I want to be here for you through everything. I really do, I just…”

“No,” Lucille shook her head and Negan let out an upset sound. “No, I put up with you too much to lose out to some little bitch.”

“She’s not a bitch. She’s actually a really sweet girl,” Negan defended her and let out a tense breath. “Wouldn’t you rather be happy Lucille? There has to be a man out there that makes you happy. I’ve never made you happy and you know it. I’m not a good man. I’m so sorry you found out about this affair and I hate that you found out the way you did.”

“Negan I know about all the affairs,” she blurt out and he let out a small laugh. “Every single one you’ve had. I know about them. This is just the first time I’ve seen you be serious about one of them. I’m used to them being these side things, but this girl…she must really love you because if she knows about all you’ve done…”

Negan’s jaw clenched and she let out a shocked sound, “Oh, she doesn’t know, does she?”

“She knows I wasn’t a good man,” Negan answered and Lucille’s eyebrows perked up.

“But she has no idea that you still aren’t a good man, does she? She thinks she changed you completely, doesn’t she?” Lucille gave an amused sound and Negan swallowed down hard making her roll her eyes. “So much for being an honest man.”

“Lucille, I just think it’s time that we talked about a divorce,” Negan admitted and he watched the color completely drain from her face. “I uh, I never thought this would ever happen. I didn’t. I love you. I love you so much, but I know that we don’t make each other happy anymore. We’re faking in here. You want a baby and I can’t give it to you. I want someone to love me for me.”

“Negan you wouldn’t be where you are if it wasn’t for me,” she reminded him and Negan let out an uncomfortable sound.

“I know, and I agree with you,” Negan nodded, trying to be sympathetic to what she was saying. “You are my best friend and I love being around you and I want you in my life forever. I really do…”

“Fuck no, Negan,” she immediately answered making Negan let out a tense breath. “No, I put up with you for too long to just let her have you.”

“Let her have me? It’s not exactly how that works,” Negan corrected her and let out a long, frustrated sound. “I understand you are upset Lucille, but I feel happy when I’m with her. I can’t tell you the last time I felt good about myself.”

“And you don’t think I deserve that?” Lucille inquired making Negan shift uncomfortably on the couch before her. “I’ve put up with so much. I’ve forgiven you time after time for all the things you have done to me, yet you sit here expecting me to just let you go.”

“We’ll still have each other Lucille, you are my best friend,” Negan clarified, trying to reason with her as he spoke. “I understand this is a lot to take in…”

“It’s bullshit is what it is,” Lucille snapped and her blood felt like it was boiling. “This is unbelievable.”

“I understand. I never thought I would be able to do this either Lucille, but after…after thinking about things I know what I want,” Negan stammered, sliding his fingers together and Lucille snorted. “I just know that this hasn’t felt right in a very long time.”

“And that is mostly your fault Negan,” Lucille pointed out with a wrinkle of her nose. “This is ridiculous.”

“Yeah, I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes Lucille, but I think if we were to move on you may be able to find that person that makes you happy. You would be able to find that person that could help you just…live better,” Negan tried to suggest knowing that he never thought he’d find someone that he thought he would love as much as he did Y/N. “I never plan on leaving you alone.”

“You’re not going to leave me when I’m going through these tests Negan. With insurance…it’s just not happening,” Lucille refused to agree to a divorce and Negan snorted. “I don’t know if I’m sick or not and it’s just not going to happen right now. I won’t allow it.”

“Why do you still want to be with me Lucille? You know that you have a better job than I do,” Negan pointed out with a bit of tension in his tone. “This is ridiculous.”

“If you even think of divorcing me, I will go to her and tell her everything I know about you,” Lucille threatened making Negan’s face tense up, his eyebrows perking up when she said it. “I bet you have her thinking you are this romantic, amazing man. Would she accept you for who you were if I told her everything I know about you? Everything you’ve done…or who you’ve done. You try to leave me and I will go and tell her everything.”

“Fucking hell…and to think I didn’t believe Y/N when she told me you were the one that sent the video to her parents. I gave her fucking hell because I couldn’t see you being this vicious of a person,” Negan stood from the couch, his hands sliding in over his hips while he stared down at her. There was tension in his face and Negan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “This is unbelievable.”

“Well you do some pretty unbelievable things when you are potentially sick. Imagine being me Negan,” she stammered, throwing her hands up in the air with a frustrated breath. “I’ve done everything right my entire life. I’ve never done anything wrong and right when I’m at my worst, all of this falls on me? Why should I bother being good anymore when all of this led me to where I am now?”

“That doesn’t mean you should make me miserable because I couldn’t give you what you wanted,” Negan snorted and Lucille shrugged. “I know I’m in love with you still, but this version of you…no. It’s impossible for us to be a good couple again if we are both these versions of each other. Y/N knows who I am and she accepts me for it.”

“She accepts what she knows, not who are,” Lucille retorted and Negan frowned. “You really think she will love you and think you are so special if I go to her Negan?”

“I can’t believe you,” Negan frowned feeling his throat tightening. He was finding it hard to even see the woman he had fallen in love with originally as she spoke. Obviously, he wasn’t a good man and he would never try to sell that he was. Undoubtedly he made her life hell. That wasn’t a lie, but he was shocked with how she was acting. “I will still support you through everything Lucille.”

“I’m not lying Negan, if you even draw up divorce papers when I need you around the most I am going to go to her and tell her everything,” Lucille once again threatened and Negan let out a frustrated grunt. Negan’s fists clenched at his sides and Lucille shook her head. “You’re welcome to continue on with whatever you are doing now with her Negan, but I refuse to have a divorce. Not now.”

“You do realize what you did ruined her life, right?” Negan reminded Lucille of what she had done and he cleared his throat uneasily. “Her parents cut her off completely. One thing this girl had going for her is how smart she was. She was trying to make something of herself and because of you she lost all of that.”

“She picked the wrong dick to suck,” Lucille snapped and Negan let out a shocked laugh. “You ruin people’s lives Negan. First mine, now hers…that’s just what you do. You slither your way into people’s lives and you absolutely fucking destroy people. She was damned the moment she fell in love with you.”

“So this is my fault?” Negan stammered and she nodded. “If you wanted to ruin my life, you could have. It would have made sense, but hers…what you did was unforgivable.”

“Well it’s already done Negan,” Lucille shrugged, “I’m not saying what her parents did was right, but there is nothing I can do to change it.”

“You shouldn’t have done it in the first place. Could you imagine if someone would have sent a video of the two of us fucking when you were her age to your parents?” Negan prodded and he watched Lucille shift uncomfortably. “Yeah, it wouldn’t have gone down very well.”

“Well what do you expect me to do now? Her parents are clearly fucking assholes,” Lucille pointed out knowing that she felt bad to an extent that her parents went as far to do what they did, but there was nothing she could do to fix that. “I expected them to lecture her for you and just…make her stop sleeping with you.”

“Well…surprise,” Negan stood up from the couch, folded his arms in front of his chest and let out a tight breath. “So you’re saying that I’m not allowed to divorce you because you are going to go to her and tell her about me, huh?”

“Absolutely,” she stood her ground and Negan let out a tense sound. “I’m not lying Negan; you see what I’m capable of.”

“Oh trust me, I believe you…” Negan grumbled and his eyebrows tensed together. “What is it going to take for you to realize that you deserve better than me? Well, at least I used to think you did.”

“You’re not understanding Negan. How is it fair that you get to walk away from this marriage that I’ve put so much effort into and you get to have a happy life where I have to rebuild completely?” Lucille aggressively questioned and Negan frowned, letting out a long sigh. “It’s not fair.”

“It’s not and I realize that I am mostly to blame for the person you are right now and for that I’m sorry,” Negan swallowed down hard, his hazel eyes searching hers for a long moment and he shook his head. “I don’t want anything bad to happen to you and I’ll be here for you as long as you need me, but…after your tests are done…”

“You’re such an asshole,” Lucille lowered her head into her hand and let out an irritated sound. “You are so stubborn too, most people would back the fuck down at the threat that I’m willing to go to this young girl and tell her.”

“I’m not pushing the divorce anymore, am I?” Negan’s looked away from her and she could see that he was actually panicked about the idea of it. “I’ll give you what you want, but leave her alone. Do you understand me?”

“You actually believe she would want you if she knew what you were like?” Lucille pushed, but Negan’s expression was stiff. Almost disappointed with the thing she was saying to him.

“I’d still be lucky if she still wants me after how I treated her,” Negan admitted heading toward the door and Lucille seemed to follow him. “I never thought we would come to this Lucille. I always thought you were the sweetest girl.”

“And I always thought you were an asshole,” Lucille blurt out making Negan let out a frustrated sound.

“That’s what I always tell everyone. I’m an asshole,” Negan grumbled under his breath and let out a saddened breath. “I know this and I never lie about it.”

“You realize that she will leave you if she finds out, right?” Lucille confirmed and Negan’s jaw clenched. It was upsetting Negan and she let out a tense laugh. “I would suggest you find a way to tell her before it’s too late because no matter how wonderful you are to her, once she finds out she won’t want you. She won’t be like me who has continued to put up with you for years. You can tell the poor girl thinks she will be the one to change you and make you better.”

“In a lot of ways she has,” Negan informed her with an angered hiss. “You don’t know what our relationship is like.”

“I just know you believe me because that’s why you aren’t pushing this any harder. You agree with me, you know you aren’t good enough for her and she would break knowing who you really are,” Lucille insisted, her angry green eyes staring out at him. “That poor girl has no idea what she is in for with you.”

“I can be better,” Negan tried to suggest and she laughed.

Stepping forward, she patted Negan on the shoulder and stared at him in silence for a long moment, “Good luck with that Negan. You never change.”

Leaving it at that, Negan watched Lucille get her things together for work before storming out of the house. When she slammed the front door behind her, it caused one of the photographs to fall from the wall and shatter on the floor. Looking down, Negan noticed it was a photo from their wedding when he approached it and he let out an ironic laugh. This was not at all how Negan saw this going. In fact Negan never found himself finding the courage to ask Lucille for a divorce, but after Y/N lost everything it really made him take into consideration everything she had lost for him. It took a while for him to really think about it, but once it hit him…it really hit him. Negan cleaned things up and then left his home.

When he got to his house he shared with Y/N, he noticed that the house was dark when he got inside and he let out a confused sound. Taking notice that the fire pit was lit in the backyard, he stepped out into the back and noticed that Y/N was sitting slouched against the house. Her head was lowered between her knees and he could hear her crying.

“Hey?” Negan stepped forward seeing that Ghost was protectively sitting beside her clearly upset with what was going on with her. Lowering down, Negan reached out and touched Y/N’s shoulder to squeeze it supportively. When she felt him, she jumped and he hushed her. Slowly her head lowered and he could see the sadness in her eyes and he reached up to caress over the side of her face. “What’s going on?”

“I’m a terrible person,” she stammered and Negan shook his head. “I am Negan. I’ve done terrible, awful things. Someone who is a good person wouldn’t do the things I have done.”

“That’s not true. You aren’t an awful person sweetheart. If one of us was awful, it would be me, not you,” Negan reached out to try and pull her into a hug, but she shoved into the center of his chest to get him away from her. “Listen, I’m sorry…we need to talk.”

“Yeah, we do…” she agreed and Negan felt his throat tightening seeing how upset she clearly was.

“Do you want to go first?” he offered and saw her shake her head immediately. It was like she was afraid to talk to him and Negan reached out to brush her hair out of her face. “The last few days I’ve been thinking about what you told me with your parents and Lucille. You don’t lie to me. You never have.”

The sudden splurge of guilt flooded her body when she thought about what she had done with Joel hours earlier and lowered her head, “So I spoke to Lucille before she went to work today and I asked her why she did what she did. It didn’t take her long to admit to it. She didn’t even try to fight it.”

“Are you serious?” she felt her body shaking and Negan nodded. “I thought you didn’t believe me. She was so proud of the fact that I didn’t have evidence and the fact that she would admit…”

“Just listen,” Negan hushed her, reaching out to grasp at the sides of her face and he shook his head. “I didn’t like who I was the other day and I’m sorry. I should have never been that rough with you and I’ve been…awful.”

“Kinda,” she agreed seeing the uncertainty in Negan’s face while he spoke. “You’ve hurt me Negan.”

“I know and I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore because I’ve fucked up, I’ve fucked up a lot,” Negan stated firmly, his deep voice coming out even raspier while he admitted to her what happened. “I asked Lucille for a divorce tonight.”

“Bullshit,” Y/N exclaimed and she felt bad for immediately blurting it out like that, but she didn’t believe him. “There is no way.”

“No, I asked her for a divorce and she…didn’t take it the best,” Negan recalled back to the fight he had with Lucille previously. “Listen, she won’t allow me to divorce her right now because she is angry with me. She’s…holding things over my head and until she gets these tests done, I can’t divorce her.”

“So what does that even mean?” she snapped and Negan shrugged his shoulders.

“We’re not the same people anymore Y/N. The Lucille I knew would have never done what she did to you with your parents. That wasn’t her at all and I realize that I turned her into what she is and I’m the monster,” Negan rambled on about how he felt and he could see that she still seemed to not exactly believe him with what he was saying. “I’m serious when I tell you this Y/N, I want to be with. Only you. I just…I can’t get divorced right now, but I promise I will start focusing more on you. You’re the woman I want to be with.”

“What is she holding over your head?” Y/N inquired and Negan swallowed down hard, his eyes looking away from her. “Negan?”

“I’m a bad person Y/N,” Negan answered, sliding his hands in over the sides of her neck before caressing over her jawline with his rough thumbs. “If you knew everything about me, you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.”

“You can’t be any worse than I am,” she snorted, pulling herself away from him and Negan was confused. There was tension in the air and she lowered her head into her hands. “You decide to ask your wife for a divorce tonight and I go do something awful. I’ve fucked up my relationship with you and everyone I care about.”

“Your parents are not your fault. Me…I’m the problem, not you,” Negan tried to insist, leaning in to try and get her to look at him, but she refused. “What could you possibly have fucked up Y/N? The biggest mistake you ever made was falling in love with me and I want to take as long as we can to fix all the pain that I have caused.”

“I kissed Joel a while back,” she spit out and lifted her head to stare out at Negan with her saddened expression. “You hurt me so bad on my birthday that I wasn’t thinking right. Joel was saying all these nice things and I got lost in the moment and kissed him.”

“Okay,” Negan blew it off and shook his head. “That makes sense.”

“No, like…after the other day I just…” she stammered trying to find the courage to tell Negan what she did. “You should be with Lucille. I was upset with the things you said to me and I was so convinced that I would just be the background my entire life that I wanted to prove you wrong. I wanted to prove that I could be loved. That someone would want to be with me as imperfect as I am. I did a lot with Joel tonight…”

“Did you sleep with him?” Negan frowned, his hazel eyes staring into hers and he noticed that she was getting more upset the longer she stared out at him.

“No, I didn’t, but if he wouldn’t have stopped me I don’t know what I would have done. I cheated on you and I’m so…fucking sorry,” she tried to apologize and Negan tried to get her to calm down while she sobbed. “You should be with Lucille because of what I did. I was angry with you and I was trying to spite you so I did some unforgivable things with Joel.”

“You’re telling me that you didn’t have sex with him, so…” Negan reasoned and she let out a whimper. “I can’t be mad Y/N. I was a fucking asshole and I don’t blame you for looking for that comfort. I don’t care if you gave him a blowjob, I don’t care if you…”

“I didn’t,” she shook her head and Negan let out a strained breath. “But what I did no good girlfriend would do Negan.”

“Y/N, you have gone through so much shit lately and I have not helped,” Negan replied, his words confusing her. Especially after how he had stressed that she belonged to him and how she was only his. Negan let out an overwhelmed sound and he fell down to the ground beside her to sit down. It took a moment for him to speak and he tossed his hands up. “Do you want to have sex with him? Will it make you feel better?”

“No…I mean, I don’t think so,” she answered and Negan nodded. She was surprised with how calm he was after she had admitted to him what she had done. “I’m sorry Negan.”

“Please stop apologizing when I’ve been so much worse,” Negan’s saddened breath filled the air and it was obvious that he didn’t want her to keep beating herself up over it. “Do you want to have Joel in a threesome?”

“Negan!” she rolled her eyes and lowered her hand in disgust. “This is not where I thought this would go.”

“And where did you think it would go?” Negan reached out to squeeze at her thigh supportively.

“I didn’t think you would tell me that you asked for a divorce from your wife and when I told you about Joel…I thought…I figured you would lose it,” she answered making Negan snort and he shook his head. “Why are you being so calm about this? I did this to hurt you.”

“No, you didn’t. You did this to feel better about yourself and if that’s what you needed, then who am I to fucking judge? I’ve been thinking like an asshole for so long,” Negan admitted and he lowered his head while he slid his hands in over his aching neck. All this tension wasn’t helping his body at all and he knew that so he could only imagine how she felt. “Do you want to call him over and finish?”

“Negan, please…” she laughed hearing Negan snicker and she reached up to rub at her eyes. “Pretty sure I fucked that friendship up. I didn’t take him into consideration and I…used him.”

“I understand that feeling all too well,” Negan admitted, his heavy sigh filling the air. “I’ve been that way for far too long, but from what I know about Joel…you didn’t ruin your friendship with him. You just probably made it a bit more interesting.”

“He got upset with me Negan,” she informed him with a firm tone. “He was upset that I did what I did. He knows that I love you and he’s…he’s not someone that just likes to…”

“Be like me,” Negan finished and she gave him a glare. “I get it, he’s a romantic and he got upset.”

“Kind of,” she responded knowing that Joel admitted to her that he cared for her more than she was really willing to admit to Negan. “I just hurt him and I don’t know if I will ever be able to face him again.”

“Do you have your phone?” Negan sighed and she gave him a confused look. “Text him, write him that you’re sorry. That was one thing I was never good at when I was in positions like this. I was bad at admitting I was wrong and saying I was sorry.”

“After what I did…” she reached for her phone and looked down at it. Seeing that Joel had already written her that he was sorry for the way he reacted, she felt her throat go dry. Negan saw the text and snorted. “What?”

“See, he doesn’t hate you,” Negan reached out to wrap his arm around her shoulder to pull her close to him. “If you want that threesome though, now would be the perfect time to hit him up. Just send him a text that says come over. Bring condoms.”

“You are something else,” she rolled her eyes and sent her I’m sorry to text to Joel back like Negan had suggested. “I’m pretty sure that he wouldn’t be into something like that.”

“Well then he doesn’t know what he’s missing,” Negan teased, trying to continue to lighten the mood between them. “So what was it like with what you did with him?”

“Oh no, I’m not talking about that with you,” she refused and Negan groaned inwardly. “Do you know how weird that is to even admit to you that I did this Negan?”

“I just don’t want you to think it’s wrong. Yeah, I’m a jealous person, but I kind of want to know how I line up next to the incredible Joel. I kind of want to know if all things are bigger in Texas like the saying goes,” Negan snickered and she groaned outwardly. “Oh, so I have a bigger one, huh?”

“Negan, please…” she didn’t want to talk about this kind of thing and he nodded. “I’m not saying you have a bigger one than him, but…”

“Oh, so his is bigger?” Negan poked further and heard her laugh. “Maybe you should bring him over here so I can take a few pointers.”

“I didn’t say that either. You both are impressive in your own ways,” she breathed, her eyes shifting away from Negan, but he urged his fingertips in underneath her chin to turn her to look at him. “I just love you. Joel is handsome, he is sweet and he’s everything someone like me should want. Yet, I’m head over heels in love with you. Which makes my feelings not fair to him.”

“You’re perfect,” Negan whispered, his heavy breaths filling the air.

“Because of you,” she retorted with a snort and he shook his head before leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers.

“Because of you,” Negan corrected her and he palmed in over the side of her face. Negan pressed a cautious, soft kiss over her lips and she gasped when he got up and pulled her into his arms. Negan managed to carry her to the bedroom and laid her in over the center of the bed. Carefully crawling on his knees beside her, he dropped down and wrapped his arm around her waist to hold her close to him. “I love you for you and because of you.”

“Do you mean that for real or do you mean that because you feel bad?” she found herself confused and Negan sighed.

“I mean it for real, but I’m going to do what I can to prove to you that I truly mean it,” Negan answered and she found the two of them getting comfortable in bed together. Ghost had followed them upstairs and Negan had helped him into the bed with them. They had lain together and things were so comfortable that she half expected Negan to still be gone in the morning when she woke up like normal, but he wasn’t. When she shifted awake, Negan smiled brightly and caressed over the side of her face. It was clear that he had been up and watching her sleep. “Good morning beautiful.”

“What are you…what are you doing here?” she was shocked to see him sleeping beside her still. Negan’s eyes were hooked on hers and he shrugged his shoulders. “I thought you said you couldn’t get a divorce which meant you would leave like you usually did.”

“Oh, I’m not getting a divorce, but it doesn’t mean I agreed to stop seeing you or being with you,” Negan whispered, reaching out to brush his fingers through her hair. Y/N was shell shocked with all of this. Maybe Negan was being honest. If he was still trying to be fake with Lucille, he would have left like normal. Instead, here he was with her in the morning waking up with her in his arms. “How are you feeling?”

“Awful,” she answered and heard Negan let out a rumble of growl. “Have you decided to be mad at me for what I’ve done yet?”

“Nope,” Negan smirked, tipping in to press a quick kiss over her lips. “But I’m going to need you to get up and moving.”

“Can we take a minute?” she begged and Negan’s eyes narrowed at her, clearly confused. “This is really the first time I’ve woken up in the morning and you are still here. Especially with our clothes on.”

“We’re going to work on that,” Negan cuddled her in closer to him and he held her tightly in his arms.

“This is everything I’ve ever wanted,” she announced, feeling silly while he nuzzled his nose against the side of her neck. “I always pictured waking up in your arms and just being able to lay with you for a while. The fact that you are here….”

“Sh…” Negan hushed her, depositing a small kiss over the side of her neck. “Then just enjoy it. Lay here with me and we can give you everything you’ve hoped for. I promise, I want to make every moment special with you for as long as I can. I’m sorry I’ve given you such a hard time sweetheart, but I fucking love you.”

Closing her eyes, she cherished the warmth of him around her and they laid that way until Ghost had woken up to alert them that he had to go outside.

Y/N wasn’t sure what Negan had planned, but he was eager to get over with the things they had to do before he got her in his car and they began to drive. It took a while before she started to realize where they were headed and she let out a tense noise.

“Negan, I don’t think this is smart,” she reasoned with him and Negan hushed her, reaching out with one of his hands while keeping the other firmly on the steering wheel to give her thigh a supportive squeeze.   
“I’m serious Negan, this is only going to cause tension and it will go nowhere.”

“I have to do it,” Negan insisted with a growl and she noticed the way his eyes looked upset. “It has to be done.”

“I just…” she found herself going silent when she saw the determination in the way he looked at her and the way his jaw clenched. She really thought it was a losing battle as he drove her to her parent’s home, but she let him do what he clearly thought he had to. When he got to the house, he got out of the car and moved over to her side of the car and opened the door for her. “Negan, I don’t think…”

“Come,” Negan waved his hand and grabbed a tight hold of her hand leading her up the driveway and toward the front door. Standing back when Negan approached the porch, she stayed toward the front of the house and knew that her presence would cause trouble. The sound of Negan hitting the door multiple times was heard after he had rang the doorbell a few times. The urge to run back to Negan’s car was felt, but she stayed there like Negan had asked of her. By the time the door finally opened, she could feel her heart begin to hammer inside of her chest. The sight of her father caused her head to lower and she was afraid to look him in the eyes while he clearly stepped out on the porch. “We need to talk.”

“Negan, it’s nice to see you,” her father’s voice filled the air and she lifted her head to see her father’s smile fade when he got a look at her. If looks could kill, her father would have undoubtedly killed her and by the time he looked back to Negan he almost feigned another smile which hurt all the more. “What are you doing here?”

“Talk to your daughter,” Negan ordered and her father displayed a confused expression. Negan let out a frustrated sound and moved to grab a hold of Y/N’s hand pulling her up toward him. When her father said nothing, Negan let out a tight breath. “Listen, I know what happened had to embarrass you and you and your wife all about your image, I know that. You have been that way since we were kids, but you have to understand that the way you guys reacted to what happened was awful. Your daughter…”

“I don’t have a daughter Negan,” her father responded making Negan let out a disgusted breath and her father folded his arms out in front of his chest. “If you would like to come over by yourself on another day, you are welcome, but right now…”

“Yeah, this is bullshit. I always knew you were a tight ass, but when did you become a fucking asshole?” Negan questioned, his jaw flexing while he spoke and threw his hands up in the air. “A normal father would be punching me out right now for even thinking of touching their daughter. Not punishing their daughter, but keeping me in their life with open arms. Do you realize how fucked up that is?”

“You don’t have a child Negan and you have no right to judge other parents on how they decide to handle things,” her father answered and Negan snickered hearing his response. “When you give someone everything and then they go do something like what she did…”

“Like what she did? You think you’re a good fucking father?” Negan pushed further, stepping in closer to her father and she could feel the tension in the air between the both of them. “Who the hell brings their womanizing best friend into their home and then just disappears for most of the summer? Your daughter was fresh for the pickings and I scooped her up like nothing. You and your wife couldn’t be bothered with your daughter, yet she fucking loves the both of you. Funny how that works with parents. You get a set of shitty parents and the kid is completely devoted to them. Honestly, her life would be better off without the both of you in it, yet she’s upset because you decide to write her off because I seduced her?”

“She could have said no,” her father simply shrugged and didn’t seem at all bothered by everything Negan was saying. “As far as I’m concerned, the slut you brought with you isn’t my daughter.”

Negan stood there for a moment and Y/N could hear him scoff. Negan looked back at her, his hazel eyes flashing over with something before she watched him turn on his heel and punch her father. Gasping, she watched him hit the ground and Negan winced when he waved his hand once.

“Fuck you and your nasty ass wife,” Negan stepped back and Y/N instinctively went to move forward to check on her father, but Negan urged her back behind him. “You’re lucky enough to have a kid, but the only thing the two of you ever cared about was yourselves. You don’t deserve your daughter and you certainly don’t deserve her love.”

“You’re going to fuck up our friendship for her?” she watched her father spit blood from his mouth when he slowly pulled himself up from the ground.

“The fact you don’t see how fucked up your view is blows my fucking mind,” Negan insisted with a firm shake of his head. “I was coming here hoping to open your eyes about everything, but I’ve realized that’s next to impossible. So I’m going to say this…you are never going to see either one of us again. I’m going to take care of your daughter because the both of you fucking failed as parents. I don’t even know who you fucking are anymore, but I don’t want to know you.”

Before her father could say anything more, Negan had reached for her hand and led her back to the car. Y/N noticed her mother had made it onto the porch to help her father up, but Negan had peeled away before she could see anything more. The sounds of Negan’s angry breathing filled the air and she knew that he was upset. She didn’t know what to say, but a few minutes later Negan pulled to the side of the road and turned off the car.

“I am so fucking sorry,” Negan reached out to slide his hand in over the side of her neck, urging her to look at him. “I really fucked up your life, but I promise you…I’ll protect you and keep you safe. You’re not going to have to worry anymore about what the future brings because you…you are my future and I promise to take care of you. Do you understand me?”

Giving a nod, she followed up with a gasp when Negan leaned in to mesh his lips against hers, kissing her over and over again. It clearly fired him up that her father responded the way he did and she felt her chest aching after the whole altercation. More than anything she wanted to have her parents accept her again, but after what happened she realized that Negan clearly cared for her more than her parents ever did.

“I love you so much and I’m so sorry they are who they are,” Negan stammered and she reached for his hand where he had hit her father. Caressing over his flaming red flesh, she leaned in and deposited a kiss over his rough hands making him let out a heavy exhale. “You deserve so much better than the life you have been dealt and I’m going to do my best to give it to you.” 


End file.
